Almost the End to a New Beginning

Well, we are one “Pivot” moment away from finishing this series! That’s so hard to believe after these (including this one) 14 “Pivots” that we have walked through together.

A Different Sort of Autobiography

It has always been a dream of mine to write an “autobiography”, not of what amazing things I have accomplished or done, but what God has worked in my life that I never saw as possible from my human perspective.

Being given the opportunity to share all of these moments with you has been a pleasure, especially the reminders, even for myself, of all that God has done & is capable of doing in our lives as we lean into Him.

Maybe someday I will better edit all of these “Pivot” stories into that autobiography of sorts. I guess we will see where God leads!

Trouble in Paradise

But, for today, we are talking about a touchy (& freeing) topic.

It’s touchy because a lot of hurt often surrounds this topic, but it’s freeing knowing the right perspective of leaning into God above all else, whether things work out or not.

“Trouble in Paradise”, as I have titled it, is a story of God doing what I felt was the impossible… bridging the gap in marital (or relational) trouble.

In It Together

You see, after God had led every step of our dating relationship as we leaned into Him consistently for direction & answers (read more, here), we felt like our bond was unbreakable.

We were bound together by trust in Him & a friendship built on Him.

Nothing could shake us.

We had aired all of our “dirty laundry” by sharing our deepest shames & hurts & mistakes… but we were forgiven.

We had shared all of our quirks… but we were accepted.

We had faced hurt & struggle… but had prayed through it all… together.

After the “Happily Ever After”

But then we moved to Guam… 3 months after we were married.

And things weren’t as great anymore.

We started out strong, but between the stress of adjustment to life on the other side of the globe & Jamie working 12 hour shifts several days a week (& usually taking on extra shifts for co-workers), let’s just say that it began to take its toll on us.

I felt neglected. He felt over-worked & stretched thin.

I felt bored & restless. He felt exhausted & ready to crash.

I felt alone & in need of company. He felt over-stimulated & in need of alone time.

We felt placed on opposite ends of every spectrum, unable to bridge the divides that seemed to be getting wider every month.

Beginning to Feel the Strain… Pull Us Apart

Fights became easier. Disagreements & misunderstandings were more common. Emotions were high & needs were left unmet on both sides.

We were strained & frustrated & tired.

My needs became a burden on us both—not because he didn’t think they or I were important, but because after work, he had nothing left to give.

Personal Perceptions Are Often Deceptive

But I felt like he must think me & my needs unimportant because they were SO important to me & yet he still didn’t meet them.

And he felt like I was putting too much pressure on him because he was already exhausted from work every day.

We were disconnected & hurt.

We argued & fought & stormed off & shut doors more forcefully than necessary.

We hurt.

I found myself often crying alone, curled up on the floor of our bathroom, with the lights out.

What I Wanted

I had heard that marriage was hard, but I felt like I had lost my very best friend, just by getting married to him.

I wanted to leave him & go back to America & be with my family & friends.

I wanted the hurt to stop.

I was learning very clearly in that time the truth that our spouse is not meant to fulfill our needs.

Only God can do that.

It’s Not Like the Movies… But It’s So Much Better

But culture sings a different tune, one where our spouse, who probably wishes they actually could, can fulfill all of your dreams & make you the happiest person imaginable.

And we probably still want to do that, but realistically, we don’t have the power to do that.

We have our own fears, hurts, insecurities, weaknesses, trauma, shortcomings, failures, etc. & when you join two imperfect people, you’re obviously going to have an imperfect marriage.

So Much Freedom in Removing That Expectation!

And oh the burden we are freed from when we realize that being our spouse’s EVERYTHING is not our purpose or even in our ability.

And oh the freedom it GIVES our spouse to release them from that supposed expectation.

Then, How?

So how did we do it? How are we good friends & happily married after the battle wounds we received in that painful couple years?

Prayer.

That’s right… prayer.

But, I Didn’t Start There

But, like I said, I first resorted to balling up in figurative tears (Fun Fact: I can’t cry actual tears) & wanting to quit it all & run from the hurt.

I resorted to wanting to bail & start over at home with my family. I wanted to give up because I felt so unloved.

But Jamie still loved me terribly, & through the deep ache, I loved him just as much… so why weren’t we able to express that to each other?

My Ache Turned Into My Prayer

At the end of one of our arguments, I was laying in bed, with my back turned to Jamie… silently sobbing into the edge of my pillow, begging God for help & pouring out my heart to Him like I had done countless times before on the floor of our bathroom.

“God, why is this happening! Why do I feel like Jamie & I are so far apart?! How did we get here!? I miss him so much & I HATE that we’re always at odds with each other… but I feel like no matter what, we’re never on the same page… like he doesn’t ever care about me! I feel so alone & betrayed. I thought he loved me but he gets mad or frustrated when I even want to spend time with him & he just plays video games alone in his spare time, with his headphones on, like I am just a home accessory!! He used to make me feel like his whole world & now he barely even talks to me. I hate my life here. I hate what this job has taken from me… from us. I want him back but that seems impossible now. Too many things we can’t take back & too many misunderstandings & disagreements. I don’t even feel like I know him anymore… Like I have been tricked. Did he never really love me? How can he act so callously toward me? Help us. Show us the way back to each other. PLEASE. Help us. Help me. I don’t know how to get back to him anymore & I miss him so much. Please show me what to do.”

God’s Response… God’s Solution… Trust HIM

… “Ask him to pray with you.”

That was the simple thought the washed over my mind like a gentle breeze.

“Ask him to pray with you.”

But I didn’t want to.

Did Jamie even care? Did he even want us back? If he cared, he would have tried already. (So many insecurities rushed over my heart.)

“Ask Him to pray with you.”

FINE. But I don’t want to.

And When I Obeyed God’s Guiding, God Healed

“Jamie, we should pray.”

“Ok.”

And so he prayed a prayer that shocked & shook me & expressed all the love for me that I was afraid wasn’t there.

To paraphrase his prayer:

“God, I don’t know what to do. We can’t seem to get along. I love Michelle, but I am too tired. I am stretched thin at work & I just don’t have the energy to be what she needs me to be. It hurts that I don’t feel like I can help her & it’s frustrating. Help me know what to do. Please help her hurt. Amen.”

And then I prayed my hurt out loud, too.

And we both cried & we hugged each other & just clung on.

God Knew How

It ended up that we genuinely both wanted a solution but neither of us new how to make it happen, were doing the best we knew how, & had different expectations on what that should look like.

And when we started both turning to God, instead of ourselves or each other, as the solution, God started to shape us & guide us along a path to help us both care for each other.

We became more understanding of each other’s needs, while not trying to meet them in our own wisdom or understanding, but by God’s.

We began letting go of the expectations we had placed on the other person to meet our needs & started leaning into God instead.

And we began to heal.

Start Looking to God for the Answers

God was the glue that took our efforts & our understanding & all of our other limitations & acted as our bridge to cover the great divide for us.

We stopped looking inward to fulfill each other.

We stopped looking to each other to fulfill ourselves.

And we started looking to God, together.

He is our glue. He is our bridge. He is our wisdom & solution. He is our strength.

A Work in Progress, Led by Grace

Do we still have disagreements & misunderstandings & occasional bad attitudes that we really shouldn’t be taking out on each other but it’s far too easy to do? Yes.

But we know the way back now. PRAYER. Leaning into GOD.

And we’re learning to turn to God BEFORE it gets bad, knowing we will reach the end of our limitations far sooner.

We’re human & we mess up. We are learning, but we don’t always get it right.

But God is the solution to that, too… because He will never stop working on our hearts. He is always ready to give grace as we grow toward Him.

He is a Good, Good Father.

Shine Hope, by letting God be your glue… & your bridge… to healing.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Restoring Hope Necklace

This versatile necklace features mother of pearl in hues of black on one side & off-white on the other, hanging from an antiqued brass chain.

Artisan Information:

In Asia, poverty leads many women to be sexually exploited in brothels. These women want to provide for their families but have so few options. But through your purchase, women are being rescued from these brothels & rehabilitated. Holistic care is given to these women, including a shelter, job training, healthcare, counseling, & educational grants for themselves & their children. You can help these women experience restoration for their future!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Asia!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Not Cut & Paste

Today’s topic (& pretty much every week’s topic) is not meant to show you a cut & paste way to handle a situation. It is meant to show you how God guides us if we are striving to honor Him above our own feelings, fears, or desires… if we are obeying His way over our own.

Going Back Home

Nine years ago, right after I had graduated from Liberty University (how has it already been NINE years?!), I went back to live with my parents in Northern Virginia.

My parents had just paid my way through Liberty, upon the agreement that I kept my grades up (I graduated top twenty percent of the School of Business!) &, what was later told to me, they would not be helping to pay for any wedding that could potentially happen (I didn’t know this then, as I had no relationship to consider at the time).

Debt

BUT, I still had loads of debt… to them.

How? Because my parents had HELPED me pay health insurance & car insurance for those three years, on the agreement that I would eventually reimburse them once I got a full-time job.

So, a couple hundred dollars a month, for three years, minus some I had managed to pay along the way, left me with a hefty sum of debt.

AND, to help me out, my parents were graciously allowing me to move back home after graduation, at age 26. (If you missed last week’s post, I waited to go back to college.)

My “Buffer” Account

I did have a savings account, that served as a (gradually depleting) buffer that allowed me to still fill up my gas tank & be available for lunches with friends (or as an emergency fund in case I had to have work on my car or other such unexpected expense).

Trying to Re-Write My Reputation

Whether intentionally or unintentionally, the pressure was laid on pretty thick, by my parents, to pay them back quickly by getting a full-time job.

I had been a difficult teenager, one who was always trying to get out of extra work, so I can understand their feelings of mistrust & urgency for me to prove myself responsible & willing to pay them back without endless delay.

But God had been working in me. I had been allowing God to grow me & weed out some of my bad habits & bad attitudes, & I had no desire to string my parents along.

I wanted to please them & make them proud.

I wanted to be a responsible adult & I was eager to start work & change the world (that’s how I felt, anyway).

But bad reputations have a nasty way of sticking around, even after God has changed your heart & attitude.

Can anyone relate?

A Changed Woman

Anyway, eager to prove myself a changed woman & a responsible adult, I looked for a job.

But I was looking for a career, not a dead-end job.

I was eager to work with an outreach program or youth ministry for a church. I was ready to change lives & impact people with the hope I was learning more about each year.

I definitely also looked for jobs I didn’t care about as much, though, because I was so eager to pave the path for a new reputation. I wanted to pay off my debt quickly & ease the minds of my parents, by removing the financial burden of my debt to them.

But God had other plans.

He wanted to show me more about trusting in Him, even when the pressure is thick.

A Word from God

In reading my Bible, I came across this nagging little truth (at least, it nagged at me because the conviction hit me hard. I was NOT ready to hear these words!):

“Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,
    when it is in your power to act.
Do not say to your neighbor,
    “Come back tomorrow and I’ll give it to you”—
    when you already have it with you.” (Proverbs 3:27-28)

You see, in keeping my little “buffer” savings account, while still owing a ton of money to my parents, God convicted my heart that I was essentially saying, “Come back tomorrow & I will give it to you”, when I already had it with me.

… AKA the exact thing God warns us NOT to do, in these verses.

A Chance to Obey

A choice had to be made in that moment.

Would I trust & obey God’s way of handling my situation? (AKA give my parents my savings account) … or was I going to hold on to fear & the comfort of being able to maintain the kind of life I was comfortable with, while waiting to repay them?

Too many times had I seen how things went way worse than I expected when doing them MY way, only to HAVE to try God’s way in the end & see it work out much better…

SO, I took out every penny of my savings account, (thus erasing any chance for impromptu dinners, lunches, coffee dates, movies, adventures with friends) & gave it directly to my parents, as a way to show them, THROUGH ACTION & not just words, that my dedication to repay them was sincere.

What Now?

And then, penniless, with just the full tank of gas that I had, I said “goodbye” to most of my social life.

(Adulthood was no longer seeming so appealing, haha.)

And… I prayed… A LOT.

I prayed for direction & peace & for my parents to see they could trust me… I prayed for a chance to move out & pay off debt & to GET A JOB.

I felt so untethered from the comforts I had always relied on & that led me to pray more than usual. I couldn’t just coast through this debt repayment anymore. I needed to make money to even just refill my gas tank next time!

So, I started (more) actively searching for a job… searching for ANY work to get me through to my next tank of gas (& those pesky bills) … babysitting, house-cleaning, mowing lawns, house-sitting, & whatever other oddball jobs I could manage to get.

Just Enough… Was Enough

Here is where I began to see that as I trust God (although, my human perspective still worried that I would miss bills & fail miserably) & lean fully into Him… He doesn’t leave us hanging.

While working my odd jobs, while also searching for a full-time job, I was earning just enough to scrape by.

I still gave ten percent of everything I earned as a tithe to God, through supporting my church.

Tithing When Barely Making It

Let me tell you, when you don’t even have money to ever go out to lunch with a friend because you are earning JUST enough to pay your current bills, fill up the gas tank, & pay the remainder to your parents for your debt, ten percent seems like SO MUCH MONEY!

But, again, I had seen how God has a purpose in every command He gives us & He promises to provide as we obey… SO, I trusted & obeyed, while giving ten percent of the precious little I had to the church.

And I am not telling you that to brag or to seem super righteous, but because God really does keep His promises to take care of our needs as we live in obedience & trust to His Word (the Bible).

Nothing Was Working the Way I Hoped, And Yet…

Listen to this… this is where it really got cool ….

Every full-time job opportunity fell through.

Every full-time job that seemed like a good potential, I felt a heavy wall block me from accepting it, as if God was saying, “nuh-uh… NO.” Even when I prayed for days afterward, hoping I could feel peace that never came.

I felt SO MUCH pressure from my parents’ even mild frustration (I am a people pleaser at heart) & I wanted SO BADLY to prove I meant it when I told them I wanted to get a job & pay them back & honor them in that way.

But ALL I HAD were oddball jobs.

I know, I know… These all seem like the opposite of “cool”….

Every Bill Paid ON TIME!

But, GUESS WHAT.

Every time a bill was coming dangerously close to being past-due, I would receive an unexpected call from either a friend of the family, a co-worker of my mom, or a friend of a friend who would somehow think to call me, & they would offer me another oddball job for some amount of time with some amount of money that they would offer….

AND Every single time, it would get paid to me DIRECTLY before my bill was past-due & be MORE than my bill was worth… enough to fill up my next tank of gas & chip off another tiny chunk of my debt (& still tithe).

EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

HE Doesn’t Have Our Limitations

Girl, I want you to see that we serve a BIG God.

He is not bound by the limitations that we are bound by.

If we walk in trusting obedience to Him, He ALWAYS follows through & takes care of us.

Am I saying, “don’t take the job”? NO.

Am I saying to do it exactly how I did? NO.

I AM saying that, again, as we walk in trusting obedience to God’s Word & God’s leading on our hearts, He WILL be faithful to take care of our needs.

It may not always be comfortable (in fact, oftentimes it’s UNCOMFORTABLE, because it goes against our own understanding) or look the way we think it should or like we want it to, but we will see in those moments, that despite all that, God really did know BEST.

Oh, And One More Thing… Or Maybe Two

So, I urge you. I beg you. I challenge you, even… to trust Him.

Because He always knows what He’s doing, even when we are clueless.

And do you want to know the real kicker that gets me every time with this story?

Guess what, with those oddball jobs, over ONE Summer, I paid off my debt IN FULL.

Did I get to go to King’s Dominion with friends? No.

Did I get to go out for impromptu coffee or lunch dates with friends? No.

Was it comfortable never knowing if I could pay my next bill? No.

But, to see God work in the ways that He did AND allow me to pay off ALL OF IT during those oddball jobs… was the best Summer EVER.

*** Oh, & by the way… AFTER I paid off my debt to my parents, I got a job working for a small church in Alexandria, Virginia… where I met my husband. ***

God Always Knows

God ALWAYS knows what He’s doing, even when we’re just taking one step at a time & trusting Him with every part that we don’t understand. He always knows.

Shine hope, by trusting God first, last, & always.

Trust & obey & let Him lead by leaning into Him.

He’s got you.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Chelsie Necklace

This curved bar necklace features gold & rose gold tones. Hanging from a gold colored chain, this piece was named after one of our co-founders because of her golden & modern style, along with her passion for using sustainable business to end poverty.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

*Also pictured: Northern Lights Studs, also from India!*

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

God Will Continue to Work

Well, we’re nearing the end of my pivotal moments series (for now). I know God will continue to shape me & continue to shake up my normal for His truth.

Trusting God AND Ourselves… Versus Just God

Today, we are following last week’s topic about trusting God through our struggles instead of coming up with our own solutions that, in turn, create new problems. (Like trusting in singleness & then panicking when God brings a relationship into your damaged heart life.)

It’s far too easy to try trusting God AND our own solution, versus JUST trusting GOD.

We tend to think the two are the same thing. Saying to ourselves & others, “I prayed (therefore, “trusting God”), but then I will do what I think will fix it versus waiting for His solution.”

So, it warrants a discussion about praying our way through fears, & trusting God, when we’re tempted to rely on our own strategy, “wisdom,” fears, etc.

(To read our Love Story, in short story form, check them out by clicking Part 1 & Part 2.)

But How?

But how does God answer our prayers? What does “trusting God only” even mean? How do we know what He wants when it’s different than what we want? How do you hear God’s answers? How do you even know His will if you can’t HEAR Him?

Those types of questions are so common & I have thought ALL of them. I still don’t have a comprehensive understanding of how God works & will probably always have something to learn when it comes to the answers to those questions.

But God oftentimes (pretty much exclusively) leads us with baby steps, versus dumping all of His infinite knowledge on us all at once.

Remember, He is an INFINITE God.

We, on the contrary, are FINITE.

But, baby steps.

So, when my now husband, Jamie, entered my life, I first panicked, then prayed.

Unbeknownst to Me

But unbeknownst to me, Jamie was already praying… & not about wanting a relationship with me.

He was ALSO praying to avoid another heartache.

But God kept nudging him… to me.

He kept avoiding… kept praying to stay single… but God would not let him ignore me.

It wasn’t a push to get married, just an undeniable push to befriend me.

This obviously clashed with my desire to avoid him at all costs, haha. Thanks, God.

And when I could no longer avoid him, upon him asking me on our first date, I finally had to stop running & start praying.

Praying My Desire Versus Praying to Trust God’s Plan

Now, let’s be clear that I HAD been praying the whole time… but not for God’s will, wisdom, & direction… but for me to stay single (what I thought I wanted aka what I thought would keep me safest from heartbreak).

And now, I had to make a clear decision & I had to ask God’s will & guidance & HELP. I had to be willing to trust God with both scenarios of relationship or singlehood, not just singlehood.

My Prayer

But then God whispered on my heart, “Do you remember what you have been praying these last few years?”

I did. It went something like, “God, help me to trust Your plan & not just the fears or perceptions I see in front of me. Help me to see that if I marry, you are wanting me to marry a man that will grow into the man I need, versus someone perfectly fit right now. Help me to see Your will above my own. Help me to not judge someone based on their NOW, versus Your potential within them. If I marry, Lord, help it be someone who is willing to let me down in order to follow YOUR LEAD. Because You know far better what’s best for me than I do. And, Lord, because I will no longer flirt or “help things along”, I will go on at least ONE date with a man willing to ask me out when I have shown zero interest… knowing how much courage that takes. Amen.”

Well, now a guy was asking me out & I had to put my faith to the test.

I had prayed those things more than I could count. And now was my opportunity to trust God’s answer & His willingness to lead me every step.

And He did.

(But I still freaked out & panicked & wanted to bail along the way, because fear is quite a motivator.)

Ask Anyway…

But for those of you who have those questions of how God could even help… & so avoid asking God for help in those moments, wondering what God could possibly do that you haven’t already tried yourself (sounds arrogant & completely ridiculous just writing it, doesn’t it?… but isn’t that what we sort of feel, if we’re completely honest with ourselves?)… I want to share my journey & what God did for me in the midst of my questions.

My pastor friend told me many times while dating my now husband, “God is not a God of confusion. If you want answers & you seek Him for those answers, He WILL answer you… you just need to wait on God’s timing for those answers & trust that HE is capable.”

Waiting on God for Every Step, Like a Daughter Dancing on Her Father’s Feet

And so, despite my inner rebel telling me to flee the scene & not risk another heartbreak, I kept praying & I took those baby steps, waiting on God’s timing & God’s answers instead of trusting my own fear & worry.

Here are some ways I prayed & ways that God answered me along the way:

(HINT: God is an infinite God. What He guides me through is not a cut & paste testimony, but rather an EXAMPLE of how personal God is with us, when we let Him. Don’t rely on how God led ME in lieu of letting Him lead YOU. What worked for me may not work for you. You have to take steps of trusting Him with your own situation. He will guide you!)

1. Praying Before We Even Met

As I mentioned before, it’s important to be praying beforehand so you are prepared to follow & listen to God when you DO meet. Pray for discernment, peace, wisdom, trust to follow God whether in singleness or marriage… & anything else that comes to mind or worries you.

But, if you’re already in a relationship, it’s never too late to start.

2. Pray, Willing to Give It Up If It’s Not God’s Guiding

Along the way, I prayed for God to guide me… for Him to kick me out of the dating relationship, with completely clear certainty, if it wasn’t His best for us. (I was sort of hoping He would kick me out of it so the risk of heartbreak would evaporate with it.)

I prayed not to cling, not to romanticize, not to make anything more than it was. I prayed for God’s perspective to overshadow my own. I prayed to be willing to allow His will to trump mine.

3. Praying for Perspective When You Meet

I knew I was a daydreamer, wrapped up in every new possibility….

And I felt God nudging my heart in a very specific way during the beginning of my time with Jamie, “Michelle, you fall head over heels immediately when a guy holds your hand & holds you in long, comforting hugs… & if you really want to stay objective to knowing My will, you know you need to avoid physical affection because that’s a personal weakness & trigger for you.”

And so, I set strict physical contact boundaries for our dating relationship. No hugs, no kisses, no holding hands, no arms around the shoulder… & no sex. And I stuck to it.

I wanted to know Jamie for who he was, not for how he made me feel. Feelings change. I wanted more than temporary, unreliable feelings.

4. Praying Over Character/Personality & Whether It Was a Good Match with How God Designed Me

Clashes happen a lot in marriage, even when you’re “a good fit for each other.”

God had shown me different character traits that were important to me along the way, such as being willing to displease me in order to obey God… Or someone who was a kind & gentle listener, seeking to understand & discuss, versus brush off… Someone who, even with flaws & weaknesses, sought to know & love God more… not to just be a “good enough person.”

I prayed often over very specific things, asking God to show me if Jamie at least had that potential &/or willingness to grow… WITHOUT me prompting it… (& that is an important distinction)! If he knew I felt I needed certain traits & he liked me, don’t you think he would do his best to be that for me? But no, I wanted to hear it from God, not Jamie… so I never once hinted at my hopes.

My prayers were silent, between me & God only.

And every prayer resulted in Jamie telling me something like this the next day or so, “I don’t know why, because this seems really random to talk about, but I feel like telling you this story about one time when [enter a story about said character trait that I had recently prayed about here] happened.”

Blew my mind every time, but God was constantly finding ways to reaffirm His guidance in our relationship, because I was diligently seeking His will first.

5. I Set Boundaries of Potential Relationship Timing & PRAYED

After pouring out my heart to Jamie, after our very first date, expressing all of my fears & concerns, I asked him to wait THREE months before even considering asking to make it an official relationship. Friends only–no relationship talk, no romance, nothing. Just friends–for three MONTHS.

And I prayed & asked God for His wisdom & guidance & timing & I didn’t even dare try to “help it along” … I just waited on God.

Coupling with my desire to be with a man willing to disappoint me in order to obey God’s leading, I asked God to have Jamie go against my three-month request in order to ONLY trust God, even at the risk of scaring me away for good. I asked for God to push Jamie to ask me before the end of three WEEKS’ time.

And I didn’t ONCE even HINT that I was praying that as a confirmation from God. Not once.

And guess what… On December 31^st, mere hours before the three week time frame was over, Jamie spoke up… “Michelle, I have been praying like you asked me to, for God’s will & timing versus my feelings & I got my answer a couple days ago, but have continued praying & continued waiting because you told me not to even bring it up until three months, but I can’t shake the feeling that I am supposed to tell you now. I have been battling it all day & praying it away because I am terrified of scaring you away, but I feel like God wants me to say it now, so I need to say it now. I feel like God wants me to ask you out today. Will you agree to an official relationship? Will you be my girlfriend?”

If you are imagining a cartoon where the person’s jaw literally hits the floor, you are imagining pretty closely to how I felt in that exact moment.

I prayed. I waited. God answered.

God Is Infinite… God Is Infinitely Creative… God ANSWERS

As I said before, God is infinite & infinitely creative. The way He works through my life is not the same as how He will choose to move, through prayer, in your own life.

This story is meant to prompt you to PRAY… to seek God alone… To trust that HE knows what He’s doing & He CAN & WILL guide you & give you wisdom as you seek Him.

Trust Him, always… It’s ALWAYS worth it.

And when you don’t feel like you even know how to begin trusting Him… Start there… Ask Him to help you know how to trust Him. He will, my friend. He will.

Shine HOPE, by praying through the fears & unknowns (which are often the same thing).

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Brave Necklace

With hand-rolled cereal box beads, Haitian clay beads, and paired with suede tan cording, this staple necklace is perfect for any wardrobe.

Artisan Information:

Haiti is home to almost 500,000 orphans. The majority of these orphans have not been orphaned by parental deaths, but by parents who gave them up simply because they could not afford to feed them. No mother should have to give up her child. Through your purchase, you provide parents with a sustainable income, so they can keep their children! Be a part of families stepping into bright futures together!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Haiti!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Trusting God with Singleness

This week, I am continuing on from my topic last week of, “Trusting God with My Love of Love,” where I mentioned how I became okay with singlehood for the first time in my life, how I came to actually want that for myself, & finally, how God asked me to give that up.

Let me be clear that now that I have my husband, I wouldn’t want to trade him for the world, but before I knew there would be a husband, I became honestly satisfied with the idea of never getting married.

Of course, I still had weak moments where I would see a couple presumably in love, whether on screen, in a photo, or in real life… & I would start to dream of the “greener” grass on the other side… But after praying through my feelings of jealousy, peace would flood its place & I would be content all over again.

It was a learning process, but one I was no longer scared or anxious of the idea of it ever happening.

Either Single or Married

Single or married, trials would come… Single or married, I would still face heartache.

Hint: Married couples fight sometimes & have disagreements & can act like stubborn children, too. (If you are married, you might be like, “Mmmhhmm… preach it, girlfriend.”) Two imperfect people make for an imperfect marriage that only prayer for God’s wisdom, peace, & power can solve.

And the flip side is also true—Single or married, I would still feel loved… Single or married, I would still find adventure.

So, it no longer felt like my life would mean nothing if I never got married.

God has a purpose & a plan designed into me (& you), even single me, as an individual.

I then felt free to dream of the adventures before me, knowing full well that God was fully capable of filling me with adequate & fulfilling love.

But then… A Boy

But then, I met my now husband.

And you might think, “Okay, you SAID you were okay with singleness, but I am positive that that contrived “okay-ness” melted away into nothing instantly when you met him… Your true feelings were probably revealed when you no longer had to fake being “okay” with singleness.”

(I totally would have thought that about another person had it not been me, thinking they were just claiming to be okay. Like, “Yeah right, sister… I see right through your tough girl act.”)

But really, I was not interested.

I Was Equally Content Without & Scared of Love

Look at it from my perspective:

Love, romance, & romantic daydreaming had left me heartbroken & had broken too many hearts of guys I had really cared about.

Insecurities flooded me.

AND, I had just discovered how full of adventure & love a life could be without getting married.

I was not interested in messing with that newfound peace & assurance & promise of a grand life of adventure following God’s design for my life.

I WANTED that adventure!

And now there was a threat of giving up that new ideal.

I was not interested in rocking that boat.

I had finally found peace & I wanted to keep it that way.

Trust God No Matter What

God wanted me to not only trust Him in singleness, but to trust Him just as strongly in a relationship.

I was separating the two–trusting God or trusting in a relationship. But God wanted me to trust Him no matter what.

Relationships are often flooded with hormones that make us feel like we’re floating on air, holding our breath until we see that person again, building our lives around the happy feelings we feel around that person.

But we’re not meant to trust in or seek relationships to fulfill us, we’re meant to seek God for that.

A Person Can Never Fulfill Us

A person can never fulfill us—A person has limitations. A person is flawed. A person makes mistakes. A person has trauma & wrong ideas & misperceptions & misunderstandings. A person is just as imperfect as we are.

A person was never meant to fulfill us.

We are meant to lean into God for that fulfillment, while being a reflection of God’s patience, grace, love, sacrifice, & loyalty to our spouse & to the onlooking world.

We must lean into God for our needs, while seeking to fulfill other’s needs through God’s power, love, strength, courage, hope, love, peace, etc., by trusting God through it all.

Of course we mess up in trusting God with our needs & we fail & get selfish & make mistakes… but then we lean into God for restoration, renewal, & relationship.

HE is our Sustainer.

Trusting God with My Fears in a Relationship

So, now was my opportunity to trust God through my insecurities, trauma, & fears while in a relationship with another person—a person who could let me down, hurt me, leave me, scar me.

Sometimes it seems easier to trust God when it’s just us & Him… but trusting God with a relationship of unknowns means we trust God, not only when WE mess up, but also when THEY mess up.

Less control equals more fear & often requires more trust.

Avoiding to Find Contentment? Or Trusting God?

So, when we often think we are avoiding something because we are trusting God to be without it… maybe we should stop & ask ourselves if we’re willing to trust God WITH it, too.

If you have been following my journey for a while, (& I will get further into this in a later pivotal moment), my husband & I have tried to have kids for six years now—unsuccessfully.

Sometimes, I needed to ask myself these same questions—whether I was content being childless simply because I convinced myself that a childless life would be simpler? Or whether I trust God just as much EVEN IF He gives me children & I am faced with a messier, yet awesome, life?

Trusting God on one side of an issue is great & is exactly where we should be, but it is equally important to trust Him in the opposite circumstances.

Would You Trust Him With…

New life & loss?

New job & lost job?

New relationship & heartbreak?

Marriage & Singleness?

Healthy body & broken body?

Successful life & failure?

Popularity & neglect?

Fame & behind the scenes?

Prominence & subservience?

Plenty & hunger?

Contentment & anxiousness?

Dreams fulfilled & dreams lost?

Contentment through Trust in God Alone

Whatever side of the coin you’re on, make sure you ask yourself: Am I content in not having my way, by trusting God through it all… OR… Am I content with God changing things because I trust Him regardless?

In our wisdom, we try to fix our own problems, like me trying to gain contentment without children by convincing myself how difficult it would be… versus leaning into God as my solution. It seemed to fix my problem, but it really created a new problem for me.

Trusting God over our own wisdom is always better.

Step back, ask the hard questions of yourself, & ask God to graciously, patiently help you to trust Him where you lack, through His power & wisdom.

He’s got you.

Always.

Shine Hope by leaning into Him, no matter the circumstances.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Eternity Necklace

Multiple mix metal chains are hugged by a metal curved tube to create this simple yet elegant piece with a lobster clasp closure.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write & they grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & send them to school! You have the opportunity to end poverty & create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece and empower a woman in India!

(Also pictured: Truth Earrings, made in the Philippines.)

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

A Song:

Oh, Lord You know that we feel pain

And Lord You know that our hearts break

But You are God & we lean into You

You’re our God & You will see us through….

It’s hard to see past our own pain

It’s hard to see that the sun’ll shine again

But Lord we know that You are King

And as we lean into You, You’ll see us through….

We don’t have to fear tomorrow

We don’t have to fear our own sorrows

Because as we grieve, Lord, You are King

And as we lean into You, You will see us through….

As we lean into You, You will see us through

So, we lean into You, Lord please see us through.

A Hope for Tomorrow

We had a family member pass away this last week. We are still learning a new normal, but we know that as we lean into God, He will give us strength, peace, comfort, & hope for a new tomorrow. That is our prayer & our assurance.

Losing someone we love is never easy, but God is faithful as we lean into Him as our HOPE.

A Tribute:

A warrior through her life

Loving everyone through her storms

Doing her best to stand strong….

Kicked down by sickness,

But she kicked right back

Determined to carry on….

Her heart shone through

To all whom she knew

A vision of patience & love….

An advocate for her family

Letting them know they are loved

Always wrapping their hearts in a hug….

Now our dearly departed

But never forgotten

Dancing & whole & free….

Never again a tear

Her pain washed away

Praising her Father in Heaven….

Imagining her face

When she is finally faced

With her loving Heavenly Father….

She can run, she can dance

She feels no sickness or pain

She is whole & wholly loved by God….

We will miss her for sure,

Every memory of ours

Laced with sorrow & joy….

Sorrow at missing her presence

But joy in knowing she is Whole & Free

Dancing in the presence of Jesus….

But hope we have in this

We will see her again

In the presence of our Lord….

Praising Him with our every breath

Thanking Him for His grace

As He makes us whole in Him….

Whole & Happy & Free is she

And we will see her once again

When we someday join her in Heaven….

What a happy reunion it will be

No more tears, just loving joy

As we all hug together in love….

Surrounded by love

Wrapped up in grace

Singing to our precious Lord….

For God’s grace is a gift

He makes us whole,

He makes us free….

And for His grace

We will eternally praise

His wonderful, precious name.

Let’s Pray Together

If you are facing loss & don’t know how to move forward, send me an email & I will be praying for your heart & hope.

Shine hope, Lovely, by leaning into God our Father.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Chelsie Necklace

This curved bar necklace features gold & rose gold tones. Hanging from a gold colored chain, this piece was named after one of our co-founders, Chelsie, because of her golden & modern style, along with her passion for using sustainable business to end poverty.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

((*Also pictured: Iris Earrings, from Peru!*))

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Hold Up

I was reminded, upon completing last week’s post about “Falling in Love, Heartbreak, & Learning to Trust God’s Plan,” that I neglected to mention a special pivotal moment of discovering who God made me to be, despite who I thought I was already.

Shaping Our Identity

Growing up, we all sort of grow to believe who we think we are, based on what our parents or others say about us or based upon stereotypes that the world presents to us.

We form our idea of “self” based on so many different internal & external factors: our desires, our fears, our insecurities, our successes, our failures, our wants & the way others view us or talk about us (among many other things).

We also create habits of self-protection to either save face or prevent a future hurt.

Insecure & Unsatisfied

For me, I grew up severely insecure about my appearance—so much so that I would shower with a t-shirt on & was afraid to see my face in the mirror because I was too afraid to look at myself.

I saw myself as unlovable & disgusting.

But, in my late teens/early twenties, I was determined not to stay stuck in a place of self-loathing because, like so many of us, I just desperately wanted to feel like I was worthy to be loved by someone.

I Had a Plan… A Plan That Backfired

So, instead of praying about it, I created a self-protection technique to help me get attention (which I thought was basically proof that I could be wanted & therefore, loved.

Besides deciding to shower in a t-shirt & avoid mirrors, I also self-protected by deciding to dress in a way that drew attention to my “assets” by wearing low-cut shirts & short shorts.

I thought attention to my body was the same as attention to me. (I was wrong.)

And, to top it off, I grew accustomed to speaking in such a way that way that each sentence was dripping with innuendos & flirtatious banter.

I taught myself how to make anything into a dirty joke because it proved effective in getting that attention I craved.

When I admitted to being a virgin at the time, people actually laughed heartily because I was so convincing to the contrary. I was proud of that (but a little hurt).

Getting Attention… But Something Felt Off

Perfecting the role I had assumed, I made more friends & got loads more attention.

I thought it was great. I enjoyed the power trip & the confidence that came with it.

But something just felt off.

The attention I was getting made me feel objectified more than loved or cared for. It made me feel icky.

Maintaining the Façade

I felt like I had to maintain this persona in order to feel worth anyone’s time or attention, but sometimes I just didn’t feel like I was being authentic… Like I was keeping up an act in order to stay appealing.

I guess that’s why my heart cries out toward actors & singers & other celebrities. Maintaining an air of perfect “I get along with EVERYbody ALL the time,” is just hard & quite frankly unattainable.

Everyone deserves an opportunity to just wear a messy bun, sweatpants, talk about things that aren’t as “appealing” to others, & just be real. No one is perfect. No one.

But I tried to be. I got pretty good at reading people & would adjust my personality or talk to make myself more appealing. I wanted to be liked & loved.

But like I said, it wore on me. I felt tired of keeping up this image.

I wanted to just slice through the fake efforts, just be myself & have that be enough for someone.

Who Am I If Not This?

But the biggest problem was, I didn’t know who I actually was without this personality I had invented.

I didn’t know how many friends I would have left if I didn’t keep up this image… this act.

I didn’t want to risk losing everyone… my circle… my net… my support.

I didn’t want to be alone.

I didn’t want to be unwanted.

So, I kept it up & dug in deeper to this image of confidence I portrayed to the world.

Unwanted Wanting

Guy friends ended up taking more “liberties” with me than I felt comfortable, but I was too worried about seeming insecure, about breaking the mirage I tried so hard to maintain.

And by the time it broke my heart enough (& with the supportive help of a good friend coaching me through it (Thank You, JD!), when I finally started standing up for myself… they got aggressive about it.

I was sexually assaulted by several friends, several times.

I was starting to realize that I no longer wanted so much attention.

I started to hate my persona.

I started to hate who I had become. Who I thought I was.

I felt so afraid because I didn’t know if that really was me, & if it wasn’t, I didn’t know who I was. I was afraid to lose everyone.

Finally… I Prayed

I was afraid that if I let the façade slip… if I faced depression again… if I didn’t try hard to be so loyal & friendly & a great listener & flirtatious & on & on & on, then any guy I dated would just walk away.

But I couldn’t keep the mask on forever.

So, I started to finally pray.

“God, I don’t know who I am. I don’t feel like I have any value. I feel unlovable. I don’t feel like I am special or desirable. I am afraid of being alone & unloved. I am afraid of being so ugly & not feeling like I have anything else to make anyone think twice about me. I don’t know who I am outside of this. This feels like me. It comes so naturally to me… but something about it hurts… Like I have to ALWAYS be this way in order to keep anyone around. God, I feel like this is me, but I guess You made me, so I guess if anyone knows who I am meant to be, it’s You. Show me YOUR potential for me. Show me YOUR design. Show me who YOU created me to be. And help me to trust You if I lose everything in the process. Please help me!!”

It was a scary & difficult prayer to pray, but I prayed it so many times I lost count.

I Wanted God’s Way… I Didn’t Want to Feel Used & Fake Anymore

I was desperate to feel like there was more to me than this fake girl who always had to make everyone happy 100% of the time & drew in people who took advantage of me just to feel like I had some worth.

God had to know. And I needed to know.

I needed to find me… His way… His plan… His design.

And guess what, Beautiful, He began to show me.

God Makes All Things New

Slowly, gradually, the fake flirtatious persona began to fade away as opportunities for dirty jokes would come up & just seem to be unappealing… I would just feel disgusted, like, “No, I am worth more than that. I don’t have to make people think about sex in order to be valued.”

It was a hard road & I ended up stepping away from several friendship circles, but I suddenly didn’t care so much.

I felt confident & free. I felt like I was finally myself (& I was finally okay with that!)

Who Do You Let Define YOU?

You see, it’s easy to let the world define us.

It’s easy to let our past define us.

It’s easy to let our inner cut-downs define us.

But we need to learn to let GOD define us.

God created you, Beautiful… & He doesn’t make mistakes.

God MADE You

Maybe you don’t measure up to what your parents, siblings, family, friends, or to what the world thinks you should be: prettier, smarter, thinner, more fashionable, more fit, more creative, less creative, blonder, darker, lighter, taller, shorter, curlier hair, straighter hair, etc….

But GOD MADE YOU.

We try to fashion ourselves into the niche we feel we belong based on the facts we believe about ourselves or what we believe others want from us…

But GOD MADE YOU.

Lean into Him. Ask Him. Ask Him to show you His design for you.

And don’t be satisfied to stop praying until you see Him begin to shape you & change you from the inside out… an inner confidence based on His design & your worth based on His love & care for you.

GOD MADE YOU.

Take Your Presuppositions & Pray About Them

And I can tell you from personal experience, that if you take your presuppositions & assumptions about who you think you are or who you think you have to be or are supposed to be… & you take that to Him in prayer, to trade it for HIS DESIGN instead… You will NOT be disappointed.

In fact, you will finally feel like YOU.

Imagine that!

Trust Him always, Darling. He loves you infinitely & He doesn’t make mistakes, no matter what anyone says about you (or no matter what you say to yourself—stop that inner self-hate dialogue!)

Trust Him. Always. Trust His DESIGN.

Shine Hope by being your beautiful, God-designed SELF!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Chelsie Necklace

This curved bar necklace features gold & rose gold tones. Hanging from a gold colored chain, this piece was named after one of our co-founders because of her golden & modern style, along with her passion for using sustainable business to end poverty.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

The Complexities of Wanting Love

“Love”, oh what a wonderful topic to think about….

Or maybe it just seems elusive to you, a wish you wish for, but you feel is an impossible reality.

Or maybe yet, you have been hurt by love & either fear it or just feel jaded by it.

Well, all of the above describe how I once felt about LOVE.

Cue the Meet Cute

And then, I met someone who helped me open my heart to all of the beauty & joy & adventure of love… & no, I’m not talking about my husband (I didn’t know him yet).

And no, I am also not talking about God.

I am talking about a guy I met soon after high school.

This is not a typical love story though, because while I felt I had met the boy of my dreams, we never had a happily ever after.

Afraid of Love

I grew up with an unhealthy fear of long-term relationships.

I assumed they all fail… that one side would inevitably lose interest or feel trapped in the relationship… that some fights or disagreements would end up being unsolvable… that rifts form & that lusting after others through porn, flirtation, or adultery would always happen eventually.

I assumed I was too difficult to be loved… not pretty enough…  too emotional… too much of a mess… too insecure… too much of a talker… too unlovable… & that eventually, any guy who married me would figure that all out & want out.

In other words, I assumed it was only a matter of time before my heart was crushed, if I gave my heart to love someone.

Because of this, I was afraid to love. I was afraid to get attached.

I prayed over relationships, wanting so badly for love to be a possible reality for me.

Oh, What a Feeling!

And then I met him… a guy who opened my heart.

I felt so in love. I cherished every long phone conversation & was elated at every chance to spend even a few moments with him.

I shared my heart, my deepest fears & hurts… & he did the same.

He was kind & caring & took care of me. He was a wonderful friend.

I wanted so badly to love him forever & to finally break free of the fear. I wanted to marry him.

I wanted to believe he could really love me forever.

And I am sure he would have.

I trusted him & cared for him more than I ever believed I could care about someone.

But I broke his heart.

I Thought I Knew

I was ready to go all in… to trust him with my heart & to start talking about marriage.

I was ready to follow him anywhere & leave my fears behind.

I was ready to beat the odds with the man I loved so much.

I wanted to marry him more than I had ever wanted anything.

But I broke his heart.

I kept praying about our relationship.

“God, please let me marry him! I love him so much! I trust him & care about him, even at his worst. He is so kind & so good to me. I can tell him anything & know that he cares for me. Please let me feel peace to push through the fear & marry him. I want to spend my life with him. He means so much to me. Please, please, please!”

But every time I sought God’s peace & blessing to spend my life with this wonderful friend, I felt a brick wall.

“Just Keep Praying,” I Thought… “Maybe God Will Change His Mind”

I couldn’t move past the feeling of unrest, an obvious, unsettled lack of peace in my heart.

So, I kept praying through the weeks & months we were together, unwilling to let go of the man I loved so much based on a current lack of peace.

I assumed the peace would come eventually, if I just held on & kept praying.

But it never came.

The dread started seeping in, as I realized that I didn’t feel God was ever going to be giving His blessing–His blessing, based on His omniscient, all-wise, over-all perspective.

But, God.…! Pleeeaase!

I hurt so many nights after a day well spend with the man I loved so much. I grieved the potential break up I felt God was edging me toward.

I felt as if God was gently trying to pry my fingers off of what I was clinging to so tightly… my desire to spend my life with the man I loved.

And I didn’t want to let Him.

I wanted to beg Him to change His mind.

I didn’t understand why God would let me love someone so much & not let me be with him. It felt so unfair.

No Matter the Reason, Yet I Will Trust Him

I knew this man didn’t trust in God, but I thought that could change as he got to know Him through our relationship.

I could feel my heart compromising my faith as I sought to be agreeable to the man I loved. But I thought I could overcome that.

But no matter God’s reasons, He was making it clear that my love & I were not the best match for each other, in some ways that I couldn’t even see myself.

And so, after many tears, much rebellious stalling (hoping to never have to leave him… hoping God would change His mind if I waited just a week longer), after seeing that God did not budge in allowing me peace to continue my relationship that I wanted so badly… I broke the heart of the man I loved.

Crushed… Shattered… Yet Not Hopeless

I knew he wouldn’t understand that I had gotten my answer from prayer, because he didn’t believe in God.

I didn’t want to explain why I had to do it, because I wanted him to trust God & not hate him.

And so, I let my love hate me instead.

And it crushed me… shattered me.

Collateral Damage

To make matters worse, I also leaned into a great friend for support, only to end up crushing his heart as well, when my love returned & I left my friend behind, not knowing his care for me was more romantic than friendship.

And when my love had returned, I was sure this time God would say yes this time around. But He didn’t… & I had to crush his heart & mine a second time.

I lost two people I cared for SO MUCH within a short time.

Not only did I have to walk away from someone I cared so strongly for, but I let him believe I didn’t love him as much as I did, in order to protect his potential future trust in God, the only One who could ever love him the way that he really needed.

Crawling Out from the Wreckage… Finding Hope

This heartbreak haunted me for about 5 years. I would check his Facebook once or twice a year just to relieve myself that he was happy & healthy & loved. I would cry when a movie reminded me of him (like Becoming Jane or Fever Pitch). I would wish that someday, God would bring us back together again… until he married someone else.

I have prayed for him consistently since then, that he would feel loved & cared for… that God would reach his heart & give him a kind of freedom & joy & peace like he’s never known. That God would guide him as a husband & father…. That he would come to Jesus & find lasting, sure hope.

I know now the story God had planned for me was my wonderful husband, Jamie, who loves me in a way that grows me as a human being & encourages me to lean into God with each trial, hurt, or obstacle. I know that God knew what He was doing because my husband & are so complementary in how we support each other. I wouldn’t trade my husband for the world!

But I didn’t know then.

I just had to blindly trust that if God was not going to give me peace, He had a reason.

God Always Knows… God Always Has a Plan… And He Loves Us Unconditionally

I lost someone I loved & I grieved for several years as if he had died, but God had a different plan for our lives & I know now that God knew what He was doing all along.

God always knows.

I know our hearts can be convincing, but God sees our full past, present, & future, with every facet & nuance & hidden trauma. He knows our God-given gifting & the plans He has built into our lives & our purpose.

He always knows best.

My love was real, but God knew better than me.

And I am so glad that I trusted God above my love for the man I loved so much.

Thankful I Listened

I will never stop praying for that man because of how much he once meant to me, but I know 100% that God had a better plan for the both of us & I am so thankful that I listened to God’s nudging on my heart to let go & trust God instead of my heart.

Always trust God before emotions, desires, & dreams… He always knows best.

He knows YOU best & He knows what is best for YOU. Trust Him first, always.

Shine hope, by bowing your will to His way & trusting Him with every step, every desire, every hurt, & every love. God’s got you.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Holly Necklace

Co-Founder Holly’s passion is to empower women to be all God created them to be & to live out their potential. Whether in the brothels of Asia to hometown USA, her desire is to see women live out their calling with pride & dignity. This piece is a reflection of the pride & skills a woman rescued from the brothels has when given the opportunity. A delicate piece, this golden/pink druzy necklace sparkles in the light.

Artisan Information:

In Asia, poverty leads many women to be sexually exploited in brothels. These women want to provide for their families but have so few options. But through your purchase, women are being rescued from these brothels & rehabilitated. Holistic care is given to these women, including a shelter, job training, healthcare, counseling, & educational grants for themselves & their children. You can help these women experience restoration for their future!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Asia!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

It’s My Way or The Highway

It’s easy to go through life on our own terms.

We naturally go through life the best way we know how. We live according to what seems right to us.

We understand we aren’t perfect, but we do our best.

Sometimes we beat ourselves up when we don’t get it right… Sometimes we blame others… & still other times, we blame circumstances.

But we inevitably determine to get back up & try again in the way that seems best to us.

Suck It Up, Buttercup… Or Not

Life is hard. No one can go through life without struggle, without mistakes, without regrets.

Although we can brush it all off with a, “I have no regrets, only lessons learned!”… Deep down, we know things could have gone better, but they didn’t.

Have you ever felt trapped by wrong choices? Like they define you in some way now?

Have you ever bolstered yourself to be strong & bold in light of your mistakes, eager &/or desperate not to show weakness or vulnerability, while silently feeling the pain underneath the façade?

Do you ever get tired of trying to have it all together?

I do.

Survival of the Fittest

I don’t know where we ever got the idea that we have to have it all together. Maybe it’s instinctual not to show weakness or vulnerability. Maybe it’s stubborn pride, not wanting to admit defeat.

Whatever it is, it’s hard.

God is slowly teaching me how often I do what seems right in my own eyes, versus humbly bowing my actions, decisions, & feelings under His able care.

He’s Right There All Along

You see, we often wait until we’re falling apart to cry out to God for help, when He has been right alongside us the whole time.

We don’t have to have it all together. We don’t have to have all the answers or always get it right.

We are limited in our understanding, wisdom, strength… But He is not.

Doing What Is Right in Our Own Eyes

In studying through Psalm 107 recently, with a Bible Study called Steadfast Love, by Lauren Chandler, I was reminded over & over through that particular chapter how those people started out doing what was right in their own eyes way before they started openly rebelling.

Coincidence? I think not.

Why? Because when we go through life on auto-pilot, just doing what we think is best, we will inevitably not get it all right because we cannot ever see every facet of every particular circumstance.

We Want Him to Make OUR Plan Work

And the more times we mess up, the more difficult our lives get… & the more difficult our lives get, the more we wonder why God isn’t fixing it & wondering where He is in all of it….

And the more we doubt God, the more we feel slighted by God… & the more we feel slighted or neglected by God, the more we tend to rebel against God.

… Even though He was right there all along, offering His help along the way….

Instead of asking God to help us follow HIS WAY, we often only ask for Him to make OUR way work.

Learning to Trust Our Savior

But when we flip the script to NOT do what is right in our own eyes, but instead ask for Him to guide us in HIS way of doing things, we get to see HIM work miracles. We get to see His hand guiding & shaping & upholding & strengthening us along every step of the way.

And as we live, drawing constantly from His wisdom, His way, His strength, His power, His love… we see things fit into place much more nicely & we grow in trust when things don’t go well because of the sin of others around us. We get to rest in His ability to uphold & strengthen us with His peace.

And we’re much less likely to rebel when we are receiving His life flowing through our lives. The Vine to His branches.

We’re Meant to Live by His Design

You see, we’re not meant to live life in a way that seems right to us… We’re meant to ask our Designer, Creator God what HIS design for our lives is meant to be & to do our best to lean into Him as He guides the way on the greatest adventure of our lives.

We weren’t meant to just be born, survive, & then die.

We were meant for a purpose… to change lives… to love others intentionally… to shine hope into the darkness… to be an impactful force for good… to serve the Most High God, Creator of heaven & earth & Lover of our souls.

Baby Steps… Pray & Ask

If you are like me & you struggle to release the tight grip of the reins of your life, struggling to trust that God can do a better job with your life than you can… start by being honest with God in that fear.

Put a toe into the water. Ask God to help give you the courage to dive in. Ask Him to help you trust Him with the little things. Ask Him to help you have the wisdom & humility to seek His way above your own. Ask Him to have His potential of your life fleshed out through seeking Him. Ask Him to help you to know & love Him more EACH DAY. Ask Him to help you TRUST HIM.

I will tell you with all honesty that those prayers have been the most influential, life-changing, purpose-enlightening, peace-churning questions I have ever asked in my entire life.

He’s Got This… & You

He knows what He’s doing. He’s walking alongside you, waiting for you to plug into Him as the vine, so His life & wisdom & peace & love & grace & strength can flow through you & produce fruit that also nourishes those around you.

Will you connect to the Vine?

He is waiting to nourish you. He loves you too much to let you be content with an empty, tiresom façade.

He loves you.

Shine Hope, by plugging into Him as your source of hope!

Coming Soon

Check back on Thursday for our monthly Special Feature post, shared every last Thursday of the month! Will it be a poem? A short story? Tales of our adventures overseas? Come back Thursday to check!

Also, join me every Monday morning for your next post of encouragement as we learn together how to give our all to our God who gives His all for us.

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Truth Earrings

These incredibly light earrings are made with genuine local capiz shell.

Artisan Information:

In the Philippines, finding employment as a woman in poverty can be extremely difficult. Poor working conditions, lack of job security, & unfair pay are often the realities. Through your purchase, these women are receiving an income, health care, & social development programs. This allows these women to realize their potential & pursue their dreams in a safe environment. You have the opportunity to change lives!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in the Philippines!

(*Also Pictured: Sea Glass Necklace made in Jordan!*)

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Are They Laughing At Me?

Who else here struggles with social anxiety, even occasionally? (*Raises hand!)

I saw a meme recently that had showed an inner self dialogue between a young woman & her anxiety. It went something like…

*Walks into a crowded room… Notices some ladies laughing*

Anxiety: They’re laughing at you.

Me: But I don’t even know them…!

Anxiety: But they’re laughing at you.

Me: … They’re laughing at me….

It’s funny because it’s true. (And maybe it happens way more often than we’d like to admit?)

The Cruel Tricks of Anxiety

Anxiety can play some mean tricks on us sometimes & us women seem to be plagued by it often.

We oftentimes struggle comparing our lives to others. For example, my husband says he doesn’t especially like social media because it can be so harmful only seeing the good moment snapshots of someone else’s life, without seeing the whole picture.

They Have It Together… Or Maybe Not

If you’re anything like me, it is so easy to look at someone’s snapshot of a win for them & think they have it all together, making it glaringly obvious how much I do not have it all together.

Maybe you read my blog or watch my videos either regularly or occasionally & think to yourself, “Wow, this chick has it all together with her faith & her life & her marriage.”

I will be the first to laugh at that & tell you, “I most certainly DO NOT have it all together!”

The Endless List of Ways I Do NOT Have My Life Together

Jamie & I still have misunderstanding & get annoyed with each other on occasion.

I make mistakes constantly, most of which end up being the inspiration for blog posts, because I first royally screwed things up BEFORE turning to God to ask for wisdom & His power to fix it.

I tend to act first & pray second, often resulting in big messes, tears, & lessons learned. I am so glad God is a God of GRACE & seemingly endless PATIENCE, aren’t you!?

Divisive Lies Abound

But going back to our topic, there are so many divisive lies that we believe about ourselves & others, which end up keeping us apart, versus being unified in encouraging & uplifting one another.

Sometimes, we can become embarrassed in a specific situation & then we tend to avoid eye contact with the people involved, considering all of the things they must think about you now, after the fact.

Other times, we don’t even have to be involved in an embarrassing moment to have our insecurities take the mental reins & make us feel less than worthy to associate with certain women.

And still, other times, we are completely misreading, misinterpreting, & misperceiving reality completely, making us draw conclusions about the other person or our view of how the other person must see us.

Inner Thoughts of Anxiety

“They must think I am an IDIOT after that! Oh goodness, I can’t look them in the face anymore!”

“Wow, I just showed them my true colors & now they must think I am lame compared to how cool they always seem to be!”

“I just completely lost it just then, they must think I am either a weakling or just plain crazy!”

“All the other wives (or moms) seem to be so good at ___________________ & I am just not. They probably think I am a terrible wife (or mom).”

“They looked at me funny. I don’t think they like me. They’re so much more confident than me.”

Satan Knows Where to Hit Us

You see, our minds can play some pretty nasty tricks. And Satan knows exactly where our weak spots are & likes to exploit them whenever possible.

But God is bigger. God is stronger. God is more powerful, more wise, more loving.

So much of the reason we are not more unified as Christian women, is because we are letting these embarrassments, insecurities, & misperceptions be our road map in our interactions with other women.

Dispelling the Lies, Praying, & Clinging to Truth

We no doubt miss out on some wonderful encouragement & opportunities to encourage others because of this truth & it would benefit us all to stop & pray in those moments where divisive lies threaten to keep us apart.

“God, do they think I’m an idiot? Or am I just being insecure? Help me to rise above my insecurity & embarrassment so I can be an encourager to them. Don’t let me jump to conclusions. Even if she does think that, help me to still be a good friend to her. Amen.”

“God, help me to remember that no one is perfect. I am not expected to be perfect. I am just human. And even though they seem to have it all together, help me to see them as a human who needs encouragement just as much as I do. Help me to overcome my own insecurities of my own imperfections, & help me to see her as a human in need of support, just like me. Amen.”

“God, I made a mistake. Please forgive me & help me to make it right. Please help them to be gracious to me & help me to be humble. I know that we all make mistakes, but help me to rectify this for Your glory instead of avoiding it to save face. Help bring unity here. Amen.”

“God, my weaknesses & faults seem SO OBVIOUS when I see other women do those things so well. Help me to be able to love them in THEIR strengths, while appreciating the strengths You have given me. They are not perfect either, so help me to be able to help where they need it & please keep my pride at bay so I can serve them when they need the help & help me to grow in areas where I am weak or failing. Amen.”

“God, I know that we all have insecurities of certain things, so help me not let my anxiety rule my thoughts. Help me to overcome my fears & help me to be bold in loving & encouraging others. Amen.”

Keep Your Eyes on Jesus & Draw Your Truth & Encouragement from Him

You see, perspective changes things.

We can either avoid, hide, & push others away, or we can take those insecurities to our able & POWERFUL God Who is willing & waiting to help us.

Learn to change the inner dialogue from fear to trust… avoidance to prayer.

We have all learned coping mechanisms to help us protect ourselves from hurt & oftentimes, we miss out on WONDERFUL friendships because we let our self-protection get in the way of restoration & healing. So… PRAY!

We All Have Our Strengths… We All Have Our Weaknesses…

When you worry about whether or not someone dislikes you or is too cool to want to be friends, remember that we all have our strengths, but we also all have our weaknesses… & that oftentimes, our ideas of other people’s dislike of us is a misperception built on our own insecurities.

Let prayer rule the day & kick that social anxiety OUT.

Let God Give VICTORY

Don’t let Satan’s lies keep you isolated. Let GOD trump those lies with His truth, grace, love, power, & wisdom. He’s got enough to share.

Love you!! And if we met in person, even if I have resting snooty face… it’s probably me just being insecure & thinking inwardly about my own faults, not yours!

We’re all a work in progress! Hug it out, pray it over, & encourage one another in love!

Shine Hope by praying out the insecurities & praying for the boldness to LIVE LOVE.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning EST for more encouragement!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Eternity Necklace

Multiple mix metal chains are hugged by a metal curved tube to create this simple yet elegant piece with a lobster clasp closure.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write and grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & send them to school! You have the opportunity to help end poverty & create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

The Accusations Are True… But Wait

This post may ruffle some feathers, but this topic needs to be addressed. We need to change. We need to run back to God & let Him lead!

Hypocrisy & the Church seem to be synonymous these days & it breaks my heart & the hearts of so many others, because we see that God is our one true hope, but yet we can’t seem to distinguish ourselves from this painful reality of prevalent hypocrisy.

So why is that? Why are we known as hypocrites? How did this become such a huge distraction from the truth that has set us free—the grace of Christ?

Trusting in Ourselves… Instead of God

The most glaringly obvious answer to this question stems from the source of the hypocrisy itself—trusting in ourselves more than we trust in God.

We may believe God’s Word is true (or, for most of us, we live like it is “mostly” true, even though it is COMPLETELY true—it is NOT just God’s “opinions” of truth), & yet we don’t live those truths.

Why?

Because we like to talk about them & point them out to others. We like to judge others on their actions & ourselves on our intentions. We like to say we believe it without putting it to the test.

Being a Christian Isn’t the Same As Actively, Daily Trusting in God

Basically? We like to trust ourselves first & God second.

The results? Looking so “GOOD” on the outside, but living just like everyone else in reality. And when pressures arise, what’s on the inside shines brighter than what we try to project on the outside.

In other words, we are just human, just like everyone else… And we can’t rise above our human nature without first surrendering that human nature to the will, wisdom, power, & guidance of the Holy Spirit leading us each step along the way.

Looking the Part Without Acting the Part

 And if we don’t surrender our human nature to the will & wisdom of God, we can say all of the TRUTH that we want, & try to act as GOOD as we can, but we will be just as messed up & lost as anyone else on the inside—creating that dreaded reality of hypocrisy.

It’s not even that we intend to be hypocrites. In fact, I can remember getting really offended at that accusation because I was trying SO HARD to be SO GOOD on the outside & to TALK the TALK, without really WALKING the WALK by putting my trust in God over myself.

Doing Good Things in Vain

Even for those who become activists for great causes, take a stand for the hurting or overlooked, volunteer for service projects galore, & work in many ministries within the church… without leaning our will & our way & our wisdom & our passion to the will & wisdom & direction of the Lord… Well, if you read my post from a couple weeks ago, you know that we are “building” in vain.

Human Nature Trumps Doing God’s Will When We’re Not Actively Putting Our Trust in God

Because WE ARE JUST HUMAN on our own!

We are just as vulnerable to HUMAN NATURE.

We have just as many TEMPTATIONS.

We have just as many FAULTS & INSECURITIES & FALSE PERCEPTIONS.

Without leaning into God as our source of all wisdom, direction, & power, we are quite simply just building our life, our ministry, or our causes in vain.

We are trying to ACT godly, without letting GOD make us like Himself through HIS strength, wisdom, direction, & power.

How Do We Make It Stop?

So, how do we stop this plague of hypocrisy that seems to have infected the Church?

We lean into God daily. We ask Him to shape us & grow us. We ask Him to remove false perceptions we’ve come to rely on. We ask Him to help us overcome. We ask Him to strengthen us. We ask HIM to change us from the INSIDE OUT.

And when we learn lessons from God, we CONTINUE to bow our understanding to His leading & wisdom for each new situation!

Saying All the Right Things, But Falling So Short

Because without getting Him involved in the details, we are whitewashed tombs that look & sound godly, while grossly misrepresenting God & getting in the way of His glory… Depriving Him the opportunity to shine through us to the hurting world we wish so desperately to encourage toward lasting, secure HOPE through Christ.

We may think we have it figured out—especially if we have already learned a lesson in a certain area… because we tend to cut & paste & re-use each lesson we learn from God for every similar future situation versus continuing to bow our understanding to God’s wisdom—but no matter what we THINK we know… HE will always know more & He will ALWAYS know better. So, ask Him.

Always Ask Him

Always ask Him.

If you have already learned a lesson… Ask Him to continue teaching you.

If you already think you understand something… Ask Him to weed out the falsities.

Always, ALWAYS refer to His Word & rely on His guidance through prayer.

Knowledge may be power, but it is also dangerous… Because the more we know, the more we THINK we understand.

Always ask God.

He Will Direct Your Steps As You Lean into Him for Guidance

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    & lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to Him,
    & He will make your paths straight.”

(Proverbs 3:5-6) (Emphasis mine)

Always shine HOPE… by asking God for the BEST way to give Him the glory in all that you do.

Coming Next Week

Make sure to join me every Monday morning EST for more weekly encouragement!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Stargazer Set

This stunning necklace features a golden hammered half moon pendant with nine blue-grey tassels & a matching bracelet.

Artisan Information:

In India, poverty is rampant & fair working conditions are hard to find. But with every purchase, women are receiving an income, access to healthcare, adult literacy programs, & self-help groups! Not only does this change their lives, but they are also pouring back into their communities & helping others! You have the opportunity to empower thousands of women in India!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!