A Story of a Girl

She sat in front of the mirror, studying her reflection.

Her smile faltered & she let it fade completely from her face, too tired to maintain the façade in the private of her own room.

“What’s wrong with me?” she whispered quietly to herself, feeling the weight of the world on her back. “Why am I the only one who can’t seem to get her life together? Why do I feel like I have to fake it through life? Isn’t there more to this? What’s wrong with me?”

She was too tired to cry tonight, too tired of feeling so useless & weak. Every day she looked around at everyone smiling & they all seemed to somehow have discovered the secret to happiness & success that she couldn’t quite figure out. They all were so confident & capable. They had their life together.

“But not me.” The weight of her words hit her & she almost let herself cry, but not this time. She wouldn’t give in to the tears again. She would try harder next time & she would stop being such a big baby.

What could God do for her anyway? Does He even see all she has done? No, there was no redeeming that. Her best bet was to just suck it up & try harder next time. “Where did that come from? God? Why did I think of Him?”

Some people told her “God” could make it better… through… Jesus? But they were diluted & wishful thinking their troubles away. What a bunch of fake people. What could God do anyway? He couldn’t just magically make her not suck at life. And what’s the point? Everyone struggles, so what? This is just life. You learn to suck it up, get tougher skin, & just try again & sometimes you get it right & sometimes you don’t. That’s just life. And everyone else seems to be doing just fine that way.

Her friend had told her the other day that “Jesus” can help her. “HA. I don’t need help. So, I cry sometimes? So what? Everyone has bad days & everyone seems just fine with it, so obviously I just need to tough it out until I figure it out.”

Something didn’t sit right with her when she said those words out loud.

Can it get better? Was she missing out? “No, I will just keep going & keep trying. I’ll be fine. I’m fine. Everything is fine.”

Everyone Else Seems Just Fine, But Are They?

Have you ever felt like the fictional girl in this story? I most definitely have.

Before I surrendered more of my life to God, thinking I was saved from Hell & that was the end of it, I didn’t realize God meant to help me in life, TOO.

We look around at the world around us & it seems life everyone else just has it figured out, while we feel like the losers who just can’t seem to get it right.

Everyone else is doing these things the Bible calls sin & yet they seem confident in it & their life seems perfect, so we question God.

But what we often fail to realize is that every person, whether they have stuffed it so deep under denial that it can’t be seen or whether they cry alone in their room at night like the girl in the above story, EVERY person struggles when they turn away from God’s ways to do it their own way. EVERY person.

We Need More Than Ourselves

That’s because God has 100% PERFECT wisdom, knowledge, & understanding, so when He tells us to avoid stuff, it’s NOT so He can control us & deprive us of enjoying life in some strange, narcissistic demand… It’s out of LOVE… For US.

My aunt shared a quote from a pastor saying something along the lines of, “Satan has tricked so many of us into thinking that the way to “prove” our faith is to try everything WITHOUT God’s help, to prove God has given us all we need to do it on our own…. When in reality, TRUE faith recognizes our very real NEED for God in every aspect of life.”

The Big Lie

You see, we’re lied to. We’re told that if it doesn’t feel right when we “sin”, we just need to toughen up because everyone else seems just fine with it. (Sin is real, so that is not the reason for the “” but rather that we don’t always like accepting sin as sin when we have good intentions, am I right?)

Taken Out of Context

Think of it in the realm of SEX. That’s right, I’m going there….

Culture tells us that anywhere with anyone at anytime is natural & fine & normal… that it makes us feel loved & wanted. I mean, watch any chic flick—a sex scene, even an implied one, is almost inevitable in every one of them.

Now, GOD tells us that He MADE sex to be ENJOYED between MAN & WIFE.

He ALSO warns us to AVOID it OUTSIDE of marriage.

So, sex is made by God—to be enjoyed—but culture has corrupted that gift & blessing of God to encourage “enjoying” it in almost any context & definitely in the ways God clearly instructs us to avoid—because He KNOWS it will end up hurting us when taken out of context.

Sin Hurts

And here’s the thing, we can engage in “impure” activities whether that be casual sex, anything-but-sex impurity, pornography, etc. AKA outside of the guidelines God designed for sex to be enjoyed… & CONVINCE ourselves that because EVERYONE else seems A-Okay with it (see almost every romcom & most television nowadays), that our emptiness or hollow after-effects must be OUR personal weakness & problem that WE need to GET OVER. (I have been there!)

But it hurts quite simply because it’s a corruption of something God meant to be GOOD & pure & whole & free of scars/betrayal/trauma/etc., IN MARRIAGE.

God Can Redeem All Things

I must remind us right here, for those of US (*me included), who have messed this whole thing up & given in to the corruption of God’s desired blessing for us to enjoy/

(I always thought sexual impurity before marriage only meant “don’t have sex”—I was wrong & I got hurt as a result.)

GOD CAN REDEEM ANYTHING.

There is NOTHING outside of God’s power to redeem, renew, & restore.

He is so good to us in that NO MATTER how badly we feel we have screwed everything up—He is always waiting with open arms & a grace-filled heart toward us.

Loving, Perfect Instruction

Let me shift some perspectives here. It’s easy to see God as the giant RULE-GIVER in the sky, looking to control all of us & determine our faith by how readily we give up all fun to follow His rules instead of enjoying life.

But that is INCORRECT.

God IS Love. He EQUALS Love.

He also has infinite, 100% PERFECT wisdom, understanding, & knowledge.

So, when He tells you, “Don’t Do That or Such & Such Will Happen,” it is less a threat (Read: NOT a threat), but is rather LOVING, PERFECT instruction.

He Created Life to be GOOD, but Sin Has Distorted So Much

He knows WHAT will hurt us & HOW & in WHAT context.

He created sex, but knows if treated carelessly or shared with multiple people, the pleasantness distorted by sin (our way versus God’s way) turns to ache & hurt & hollow hearts.

And some of you may think to yourselves, in trying to justify your non-terrible intentions, “Well, we plan to MARRY, so therefore, it’s totally fine!” But, what if both parties, completely in agreement, plan to marry, but one gets hit by a bus & passes away. Now you have had sex with “Not your husband.”

Trusting Self or Trusting God?

When we try to alter God’s commands, trusting our own limited human judgement over God’s infinite perfect wisdom, we are bound to feel its affects in a negative way, not because God is punishing us, but rather because He instructed us away from it KNOWING it would hurt us… & He doesn’t want us hurt.

Does He punish us as a Father disciplining His children away from what will ultimately hurt them? Yes. But consequences of sin are not punishment, they’re just what happens when blessings are corrupted by sin & taking it out of the context of how it was designed to bless us.

Living Our Way Always Hurts Us & Others… & God

Someone once said, “A Christian who lives in sin is one of the most miserable people in existence, because part of them knows they are being disobedient, but they push that down & justify it, as their hearts break & the rift in their relationship with God grows wider.”

And even non-Christians, aka those who have not surrendered their sin to Jesus to cover their debt to God. Even non-Christians can look around, see everyone else depicted in social media, mainstream media, family, friends, CULTURE that everyone else seems just fine with it, even promoting it… so they feel their heartache is unique to them… a weakness they just need to “get over.”

But listen to this, dear one, “Satan came to steal, kill, & destroy, but JESUS came that we may have life & to have it to the full.” (John 10:10)

An Undeserved GRACE

God designed life. He gave us His perfectly wise instruction. We tossed it in the trash for our version of what seemed better to us. We feel the weight of it. We hurt from it. But Jesus died for every ME-choice we made in rejecting God’s perfect, loving wisdom. HE took our punishment on Himself when He died on the cross (because the punishment of sin is death & hell). And He ROSE AGAIN, VICTORIOUS over that sin & over death. And He welcomes us to Himself, free of charge, saying, “I have already paid your price. You are forgiven. You are free.” And all we have to do is accept our need of Him, bow our hearts in grateful surrender, pour out our sin in asking forgiveness & mercy. And He gives GRACE. Not just freeing you from the PUNISHMENT you DESERVE, but GIVING YOU LIFE in its place.

What a GOOD God, indeed!!!!!!!!!

There Is HOPE

Don’t resign to live the rest of your life “surviving.” Ask God to help you learn to do it HIS way, His 100% PERFECT WISDOM, 100% PERFECT UNDERSTANDING, & 100% PERFECT KNOWLEDGE way!

Be willing to let Him change your mind.

And we were never meant to be able to do it all on our own… we were meant to NEED God. No shame in being human just like everyone else.

You may have exhausted your attempts to change or fix it or get better or be stronger or just get over it… But God is bigger than you.

So, ASK HIM, Beautiful. And even ask Him to help you bow to & learn to do it HIS way.

Ask Him to help you trust Him more.

And Shine HOPE, through His GRACE.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for TWO years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Inverted Capiz Earrings

These earrings feature shimmery, creamy white capiz shells, each framed by a black edge.

Artisan Information:

In the Philippines, finding employment as a woman in poverty can be extremely difficult. Poor working conditions, lack of job security, & unfair pay are often the realities. Through your purchase, these women are receiving an income, health care, & social development programs. This allows these women to realize their potential & pursue their dreams in a safe environment. You have the opportunity to change lives!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in the Philippines!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Aren’t Christians Supposedly “Good People”?

Have you ever been asked why Christians mess up so much or why they do wrongs when they’re supposed to be “good”?

First off, no one is good, except God… we ALL mess up… but let’s keep going.

Have you ever wondered this yourself when you see Christians royally mess something up in a way that “makes us look bad”?

Has this ever made you doubt your faith in God? Or made you feel ashamed of their representation of Christ?

We Are All Just Human… Not a Cop Out, Just the Truth

I think the most important thing to remember when faced with this question is the fact that Christian or not, we are all just human.

That may sound like a cop out to you, an excuse to allow us to continue doing whatever we want the way we want it, whether or not it causes any harm.

But my point is just as I said it, we need to remember that we are only human.

Without intentionally bowing temptations or ideals or determinations to God Almighty, we are simply acting in human (fleshly) wisdom & actions.

We Are the “Branches” & He Is the Vine… Without Him, We Are Just Sticks

We are called to plug our daily lives into our “Vine” aka God through prayer & reading His Word, the Bible (John 15:1-8). Without drawing from Him & actively submitting to His will & His way, with His help, we are simply acting as we are on our own—human.

That is why I am so passionate about this topic of constantly pointing us to look to, draw from, & lean into God in every area of our lives. We (including ME!) need this constant reminder to look to Him to lead, equip, guide, instruct, teach, empower, embolden, strengthen etc.

Without making intentional effort to lean into Him for our daily lives, including our thought lives, we are vulnerable to the attacks & tricks of the devil, even the subtle nudges that urge you to take or do what you want without regard for checking in with Almighty God.

Everyone Is Looking for Us to Fail… But WE Are NOT God

My husband wisely pointed out to me that, as Christians, we are also on display as representors of Jesus Christ & because of this fact, media eats up the juicy shock & awe factor of plastering our mistakes for all to see, making it seem much more prevalent than it is, at least in comparison to any other humans doing the same thing.

God Is Greater

And, we must consider the fact that we have an active enemy on this earth who spends all of his time prowling the earth seeking who he may devour or destroy—Satan.

Being a Christian means that Satan can do NOTHING to take away the HOPE we have received in accepting Christ to cover our debt to God by His death & resurrection on our behalf… BUT, Satan will do whatever he can to discourage us, distract us, & keep us from displaying the LOVE & GLORY & GRACE of the GREAT God that we serve… the GREAT God Who offers a rescue for all our souls.

Satan tries to keep us from representing well the wonderful God we love.

Guard Yourself with God’s Truth & His Strength

This is one MAJOR reason why we should be reading & meditating on God’s Word “day & night” as the Bible tells us (Joshua 1:8), to quench the fiery darts of the devil through your faith in Who your help comes from–God (Ephesians 6:16).

Let God’s Word/Truth help you deflect the lies that our enemy tries to tempt or discourage us with.

When we are not leaning into God & when we are living by our own strength & wisdom, we are just as susceptible to sin as ANY other person.

Our spirit may be willing, as Jesus puts it, but our flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41).

We must yield our willing spirit & weak flesh to God to allow for His power & wisdom to lift us up & help us out as we strive to live in a way that shows Him honor & gives Him glory.

Only God Is Perfect. Only God Does No Wrong.

It is extremely easy to put people on pedestals with Christ. We tend to see how they encourage or inspire us to seek Jesus & yet we forget that they need Him just as much as we do & when they take their eyes from Him, they are just as vulnerable to submitting to sinful thoughts as we are.

That’s also a big reason why we should actively pray for spiritual leaders. They have a big target on their backs because Satan wants to use their influence to try to ruin God’s reputation. We can bet that Satan is putting his resources into taking them down publicly to discredit God & the grace He offers to the world.

God Has Already WON. He CANNOT Be Thwarted.

I need to step back from the mention of Satan’s work & determination to remind us of something so powerful. NO MATTER what Satan accomplishes on this earth… no matter who he discredits… GOD HAS ALREADY WON THE WAR. God’s purposes, plan, & will WILL PREVAIL.

God canNOT be thwarted. EVER.

Remember These Things…

So, while it does make us ashamed & embarrassed when representatives of Christ royally mess things up, we need to remember several things when this topic is brought up or when we see it arise in the media:

1. God will have the final say & He is never caught off guard or thwarted. EVER. He has already WON.
2. That person who screwed up did so because they took their eyes off Jesus & either tried to do it on their own or were distracted by temptation, failing to lean into God’s strength to help them overcome.
3. There is no such thing as good versus evil people… only PEOPLE loved by Almighty God who do good or evil things. NONE of us are good & ALL of us are redeemable through God’s grace.
4. Look to GOD as your guide ultimately, through prayer & time in His Word—not to other people. People can encourage, teach, admonish, redirect, uplift, edify, etc. us, but ONLY God is perfect in all things & perfectly able to not sin & perfectly able to help you in ALL situations. So, turn to Him, ALWAYS.
5. We have an active enemy on this earth. Don’t take that lightly. Turn to God as your source of hope, strength, comfort, wisdom, guidance, etc. He is King of kings, Almighty God, but He is also our unconditionally loving GOD who offers freely His GRACE to ALL who trust in Christ, His Son.

Our Common Humanity & Our Common Need for CHRIST

Don’t begin to doubt God when people mess up big time… begin to recognize our common humanity & our common need for Christ in every situation, leaning into Him daily, moment-by-moment.

Only God cannot, does not, & will never sin.

Every person has access to His grace. EVERY person.

Shine HOPE by being gracious to fellow humans in their mistakes that you are just as capable of making if you take your eyes from Jesus & by shining God as our perfect HOPE.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Worthy Necklace

All the Pink! Beautifully delicate in design, this rose gold plated chain displays a light pink rose quartz stone. Crafted in India.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Only What I Want to Hear

How often do we pray, only listening for the answer we want to hear?

I have found that sometimes in my prayers, I feel as if God is not hearing or answering me because it is not the way I want Him to answer me.

For example, when I was so lonely & I was struggling so much in Hokkaido, Japan, my prayers basically revolved around my idea of making the struggle end.

When my struggling did not end, a root of bitterness started taking root against God.

Not to Make Everything Easy, But to Be Enough in the Hard

But, God does not promise that we will never have struggles or hardships.

He DOES, however, promise to be our “ENOUGH” in the midst of those struggles & hardships.

For Our Good

On top of that, those struggles & hardships are actually meant for our good, believe it or not. Sort of like when Joseph went through all of his trials (& there was a lifetime of them!), his response to his cruel & jealous brothers was, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many peopleshould be kept alive, as they are today.”

God uses the HARD times in our life to bring about GOOD purposes.

Front Row Seats

For one, hardships strengthen us & teach us confident perseverance.

They also strengthen our faith, because when we are weakened & thus clinging to God more fiercely, we are given wonderful opportunities to see Him work wonders that we were not able to accomplish on our own. It puts Him on center stage & oftentimes gives us front row seats to watch Him work!

He doesn’t hurt you, but He uses the hurt caused by sin & a broken world (broken because of the sin), to strengthen you in so many ways!

Lean into Him

So, when I am faced with those hardships, instead of looking for my hope in the ABSENCE of those hardships & praying as such, I (we) SHOULD learn to pray for God’s help in the midst of those storms.

We can pray for His wisdom, strength, peace, hope, comfort, guidance, etc.!

*Plugging Ears*

BUT sometimes we don’t want to even hear the answer He gives, when we do choose to seek His wisdom & guidance, in which stems another stunt to answered prayers.

A Bible example of this sort of harmful mindset is found in Zechariah 7, where the people inquired of God, & when His response came, with:

“Administer true justice; show mercy & compassion to one another. Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless, the foreigner or the poor. Do not plot evil against each other….”

The people “… refused to pay attention; stubbornly they turned their backs & covered their ears. They made their hearts as hard as flint & would not listen to the law or to the words that the Lord Almighty had sent by His Spirit through the earlier prophets.”

In other words, they only wanted an answer if it made them look or feel good.

Looking Good & Feeling Good About Ourselves Versus Bringing God Glory

Before this situation took place, they were asking God if they should continue fasting at particular times as they had been told to do & as they had been doing for many years & God called them out on it, telling them they had turned those things into prideful acts, versus acts of humble surrender. They did it to look & feel good, not to honor God.

Are our prayers centered around making us look good &/or feel good about ourselves?

Or are they centered on laying down our way for His, through the strength & peace He provides? Are they centered on giving God center stage in our life?

What’s Our Focus?

We need to be mindful of how we pray.

Pray first to draw your strength, wisdom, guidance, peace, joy, hope, etc. from Him in times of struggle, & also for it to bring Him glory & draw you & others closer to Him in the process.

And also, pray willing to trustingly obey the answer He gives. Trust Him enough to know that He means it for your good & lean into Him through prayer & acting on His words to you.

You can even ask for His help in doing what you know He is calling you to do.

Trust & Obey

Whether it be bringing a meal to a family, supporting an orphan or widow, or doing anything out of your comfort zone, ask God for help as you obey.

Ask Him for courage. Ask Him for peace. Ask Him for strength. Ask Him for a willing heart. Ask Him to help you trust Him.

Because when we ask for His help, we should understand that if ANYONE knows the best way to handle a struggle or situation, it is Him… so trust Him enough to listen & follow through with HIS answer, over looking only for your way.

Shine HOPE by trusting God enough to listen & to follow His way, in your prayers.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Onyx Necklace

Modern hammered brass necklace features 3 genuine onyx drops.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write and grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children and send them to school! You have the opportunity to end poverty and create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece and empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Digging Deeper

A few weeks ago, I talked about the topic “He Can Take Our Nothing & Make It a Masterpiece-His Gifting, Not Mine,” to show, for one, that when we put our faith in Jesus as Lord of our life & Redeemer for our wrongs, God in turn equips us to serve Him by giving us specific spiritual gifts.

Am I an expert on spiritual gifts? Haha, definitely not. Have I learned SOME things? Yes. So, hopefully the “some” I have learned is of help or encouragement to you.

(Again, these won’t apply to you if you have not already accepted to trust Jesus to cover your sins & redeem your life. See my “Hope Is Found” page to learn more.)

What Having a Spiritual Gift Does/Does NOT Mean

I would like to share some about my spiritual gift today, but I think it is important to address a few things with spiritual gifting before I share about my particular gifting:

1. We do not automatically become “good at” our gifting just because we are given that gifting.
2. God can still use our gifting, even when we’re “bad at it” just by our being responsive & obedient to His leading.
3. Having a gift does not guarantee that it will be used in submission to God’s will, versus our own.
4. We may not even recognize what our spiritual gifting is right away.
5. With my particular gift especially, it does NOT mean I know everything &/or that I can answer any & everything you ask. If God does not give me insight, I have as much to go on as you do in most cases.
6. And sometimes, you are too embarrassed to even TALK about your spiritual gift to others because some are so easily misunderstood and/or mocked.

“Mhm, Yeah, Sure”

When people hear about my spiritual gift, for example, people often tend to think one or more of a few different things, or all of them…

1. “Oh, she thinks she can tell us our future then? *scoff*”
2. “So, she is comparing herself to the great people in the Bible, like Paul? Who does she think she is? She can’t even come close! How arrogant & self-righteous….”
3. “*sarcasm* Oh, the wise ol Michelle who is trying to tell me that she is gifted by God to tell me what to do. Aka a real know-it-all.”

I am not saying people will actually SAY those things out loud, of course (although they sometimes do), but before I understood anything about my gifting, I definitely would have discreetly rolled my eyes & probably thought ALL of those things if someone had told me they had the gift I now know I was given.

Out With It, Then!

So, what is my gift then? (If you haven’t already guessed from the title.)

*Deep breath*

Prophecy. Yep, that’s right… prophecy….

Now go ahead & read back that 3-point list & tell me if any of those thoughts instantly rolled across your mind…. Trust me, they ran across mine.

There may be some of you who are thinking right now, “Well, I WAS getting encouragement from her posts before, but if she is going to claim herself as a “Prophet of God,” well, I’m done reading HER stuff! Good-BYE!!”

I get it. Trust me, I SOOO get it. I am quick to do the very same thing. How hypocritcal, I know. Because some people, if they DO actually have that gifting can easily place THEMSELVES on the pedestal, instead of using their gifting to point back to GOD ON HIS THRONE.

“I Didn’t Realize Michelle Was So Full of Herself…” But WAIT!

It sounds like I am making a pretty, shiny badge for myself, pinning it on my shirt, placing a tiara on the top of my head, & yelling, “Hey everyone! Listen to me! Don’t you know I’m a PROPHET of GOD!?”

But, I am not doing that. Instead, it is more like an under my breath, head tilted away slightly to muffle my voice, with a very tiny whisper, “yeah, so I kind of have the gift of prophesy. Please don’t think I’m crazy & please still be my friend.”

I accepted trust in Jesus at a very young age (5 years old) & was then given my gifting, so this has almost been a lifelong gifting in my life, but since people tend to roll their eyes at it & act like the gift of prophecy is a thing of the past, I was completely unaware most of my life that this was even a possible gift, let alone MY personal gift.

I didn’t even get a notion of the idea until around 2007, when I was about 24 years old! 19 years of wondering why I felt so different from everyone else around me & thinking it was something to hide & be embarrassed about… & a thing that made people frustrated with me, even as a child.

Getting Clarity

But, it’s not like what people think, for the most part.

I cannot predict the future on a whim & I am not as faithful & wise as Paul& so many others that have come before me & I will probably never even come close (although their gifting was from God, too, like all of ours, so technically that’s really up to God & not me, so saying I will never meet that level of “success?” is actually a hit at God & not me, but anyway….)

So, what does it mean to have the gift of Prophesy then?

Basically, “speaking forth truth.” Or, as the web dictionary put it, “a person regarded as an inspired teacher or proclaimer of the will of God.”

Again, I just want to reiterate that I MAKE MISTAKES & I am NOT infallible. If God does not reveal insight then my guess is as good as yours, unless I have been through it or had personal experience or whatnot, but otherwise, I am not all-knowing nor will EVER claim to be so.

Why Then, the Shame?

So, why does it make me feel so ashamed to claim this GOD-GIVEN gift of Prophesy?

I did not choose it. I did not EARN it. I am no more faithful than anyone else.

So, why ME?

And if I did not choose it or earn it or gain it for being more faithful than others… If it is therefore REALLY, SIMPLY a GIFT from GOD… then why am I so ashamed to speak of it?

Maybe partly because of how easily using my gift can rub people the wrong way when I just want to be liked AND use my gift.

And maybe also because people just don’t believe it’s a real gift in modern times or they misunderstand me. I have been told that claiming that gift sounds conceited or “full of myself.” I don’t always have time to or know how to help people understand before they have written me off as blasphemous or crazy or arrogant or deluded or all of the above.

God-Given, Even When…

The post I mentioned at the beginning of today’s post was written to show just how miserably UNDESERVING I am… How, even at my worst, God still works through the gifting HE gave me.

You see, I have the gifting, even when I…

… Choose to keep silent

… Get proud of it

… Feel ashamed of it

… Fail God miserably

… Am unfaithful to God

… Use it to be snooty or sinful (See examples of lesser known prophets who used their gifting for financial gain & for personal glory, versus giving GOD the credit & glory.)

The gift is just… there… a part of me.

Does He multiply our efforts when we seek to be obedient & to submit to His leading in using our gifting to honor Him & bring Him glory? Most definitely.

Does He use that gifting in us DESPITE us? Most definitely.

A Heavy Burden to Bear, But Also A Magnificent Gift

And although I feel blessed to have insight on how to grow closer to God in submitting more of my trust to Him, my gifting is sometimes a VERY heavy burden to bear.

In fact, I used to pray to have it taken away because I much prefer to have everyone like me than for them to think me as a pretentious know-it-all who stirs conviction for change in their hearts when I speak. (*And I don’t always enjoy the constant convictions, either. Blissful ignorance, anyone?)

People like comfortable. I like comfortable.

The gift of prophesy is the OPPOSITE of comfortable… in fact, at its core the gift of prophesy is about stirring up DISCOMFORT in staying where we’re at spiritually in hopes of continuing to grow more in likeness to Christ & submission to the will of God & in following the leading/wisdom of the Holy Spirit.

That, my friend, is not usually comfortable.

No Blissful Ignorance for Me

Imagine seeing conviction in almost EVERYTHING your whole life.

When someone talks to you about something & you automatically see the will of God spill over your mind involuntarily, showing you the truth behind the words & sometimes you just want to say, “No. Nope. I’m not listening, gifting, I’m not listening to you! I want them to like me!”

My gifting prompted much of my desire for rebellion growing up & at the same time, kept me from indulging in it most always, leaving me wishing I could just be a “normal teenager & not feel so torn up all the time about every little decision & the intent behind it.”

A Boy-Crazy Daydreamer… But, NOPE

For example, in high school I wanted to date whoever, for as long as I want &  just soak up all the attention & relish in affection of boyfriends & the status of being someone’s “girlfriend”, rather than being a short 1-2 weeks in before the prophecy gift insight starts flooding over every bit of enjoyment I was getting from the relationship, allowing me to enjoy nothing, with, “You know you’re using him. You are enjoying the attention & you are in this not for the two of you but because you want to be loved. You are using him to feel valued. You need to be honest with yourself & with him. You need to learn to draw your value from your Creator, not this boy. You need to care more about him as a person than what you can get out from him. He matters to God. Don’t take this lightly. He is not an object to take advantage of just so you feel better about yourself.”

Uggghhh, NOT what a teenage daydreamer/boy crazy girl wants to hear!

Don’t get me wrong, it kept me out of a lot of regrets & hurts, but back then, I just wanted to enjoy what seemed so easy for everyone else to enjoy.

It Definitely Doesn’t Win Me Any Popularity Contests

Having my gift means I can’t live in blissful ignorance. I can’t just be comfortable. At times, I see what needs to change in everything all the time & it can be overwhelmingly tough to swallow sometimes, especially when I was just a child figuring out life. (But difficult does not mean it was bad or unappreciated because it definitely kept me from many regrets.)

People who know me either lean into it & hope to clear out the junk to grow closer to God or they tend to want to plug their ears & ask me to please stop talking.

And it hurts. I can’t deny that it hurts sometimes. Because I want to be liked & accepted by everyone & my gifting is not always received with open arms.

Sometimes I get verbally smacked in the face, even when I speak with gentleness & care for them, intending ONLY to help them see what is clogging their loving relationship to Christ… what is chaining them back from feeling free & loved in Him.

It rubs people the wrong way when you can (even gently) see through their excuses & past their blinders to what God wants them to see.

And I get it. I GET IT. I am the SAME way.

I Am Not Immune to the Allure of Excuses or the Temptation of Legalism (Buying God’s Affections with My Works)

Sometimes I just want to be blissfully ignorant & do whatever I want without thinking through every reason why it means I am being rebellious to God or how I am making excuses.

Having my gift doesn’t mean I am automatically faithful to listen to my own God-given insight.

I have to wrestle with the insight a lot & it sometimes takes me years of wrestling with it until I finally submit & reap the rewards of what God only meant for my good all along, but I was too stubborn to notice or care.

I used to really struggle with legalism because I thought my insight & burden meant I had to maintain perfection or that I was better than other Christians, thus “earning” my gift.

It doesn’t.

I am learning balance.

A Process of Growth, Led by God, If I Am Willing to Listen

But it’s a process. All of it is a process of learning… A process of letting the convictions come & leaning into God, versus plugging my ears & pulling away, & instead, saying, “Oh, God, I am not good at that one either! Please help me grow in that area in your timing & show me where I can reasonably start working on it soon. You are the author of my growth, so please help me trust You in the process versus putting all the burden on myself.”

He Wants to Help Us-For Real

Because really, the convictions are His way of saying, “Hey, you’re hurting because you’re clinging to something that can’t help you, expecting it to help you. Let go & let me help you for real.”

The convictions from God are meant for our GOOD, even though they can be SO uncomfortable to recognize & face.

My gift was given to me & others because people NEED to know what a relationship with Him is MEANT to be like. Where you feel safe & comforted & free & healed & loved so purely & so deeply & so undeservedly.

My gifting is meant to help people see what is coming between them & that sort of relationship with God… To help guide them to let go of what can’t help them for Who CAN help them. My gifting is meant to bring people to HIM as the true source of LIFE & LOVE & HOPE & GRACE.

Again… His Gifting, Not Mine

I don’t want to be silent about my gifting anymore. I don’t want to be ashamed of how God made me. Because He made me this way for a purpose… to help cut through the lies we so easily tell ourselves & to point people back to HIM.

God gave it to me. Not because I am better or more faithful than others (far from it), but because He CHOSE to be working through my life in that way to reach others with HOPE… TRUE, lasting HOPE in Him.

Please, Never… For His Glory, Not Mine

I never want to be one that gives the impression of, “Hear Me, Hear Me, all you puny peoples of the earth. I am a PROPHET & I deserve to be listened to & respected & heeded in all advice or insight I give you!”

FAR FROM IT.

If God chooses to give me insight into something, I will do my best to honor Him with that insight in prayers that His wisdom sent to my heart/brain & printed on these pages can bring others closer to HIM, not me.

I will fail you. I will. I am human.

But God does not fail. EVER.

Lean into Potential Growth by Praying to Accept it, Versus Shoving It Away

If something I write offends you, please don’t get mad at me or write me off (I still want to be friends). And don’t for a second think I am judging you. (Just because I get the insight doesn’t mean I always am quick to obey its truth.) But PRAY & ask God how He can shape you in that area to honor Him & to know & love Him more through the journey, holding nothing back from Him, even if the realization hurts a little at first… the growth in Him is totally worth it, trust me.

We’re in this journey together, as fellow gift-bearers. I benefit from you honoring God with your gifting, & hopefully you will benefit from what God uses my gifting for in your life.

By Him. Through Him. FOR Him.

To point others back TO Him.

He Is What We ALL Need

He is what you need. He is what we ALL need. So, seek Him with all of your heart, mind, soul, & strength. He is worth it every time.

Shine Hope, Lovely, & start by praying over what your gift is & how He wants you to use it for His honor & glory, to draw others to the HOPE found only in Him. And if you don’t know His hope personally, ask Him for that first, above anything else. It will change your life forever. It will GIVE you life.

Shine HOPE.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Wisdom Necklace

Intricately handcrafted petals carved from ethically collected bone set in golden frames.

Artisan Information:

In India, poverty is rampant & fair working conditions are hard to find. But with every purchase, women are receiving an income, access to healthcare, adult literacy programs, & self-help groups! Not only does this change their lives, but they are also pouring back into their communities & helping others! You have the opportunity to empower thousands of women in India!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

A Love Story

On this journey of pivotal moments in my life, where God helped me do a one hundred eighty degree turn around from my personal wisdom to trusting His, I cannot neglect talking about finding my husband God’s way.

I wrote about our love story in a two-part short story, so if you like reading love stories, check those out, by clicking each of the two links for A Love Story & A Love Story-Part 2.

Answered Prayers

But today, I want to talk to you about how God answered many prayers of mine along the path of meeting the man I now call my husband.

I am like many who will read this, I prayed for a good husband—someone who would love me forever & be loyal & be an understanding listener—but I just sort of expected to make my own decision, know immediately, fall in love, & get married.

But God doesn’t always work like that. Our understanding is limited, His is limitless. Sometimes (it should be always), we have to hold on in faith through the journey.

Scared of the Unknown

After falling in love out of high school, & then having to break his heart & my own to walk away, I was quite wary of the idea of believing in love again.

I didn’t want to let myself fall, only to have my heart or his broken.

I didn’t want to trust in a happily ever after that never came.

I didn’t want to trust in love, only to have that love walk out the door.

I didn’t want to wake up someday, only to be dreaming of some other man as the, “if only I had waited, & then I could have married this dream boat.”

I didn’t want a husband who had that happen to him.

I didn’t want depression or injury to push him into the arms of another woman.

Wrestling Insecurities

I also had my internal wheel of insecurities to wrestle with, still:

“I am too fat & ugly to maintain a loyal, loving man.”

“I talk too much & once a guy sees that, he will be looking for an out.”

“I struggle with depression at times, & that makes me less desirable.”

And the list went on.

In other words, I was scared to let myself love anyone. The cost seemed too high & the risk too great.

I Do… But I Don’t…

So, when I prayed, after losing my first love, my prayers were more like “Lord, I really want to fall in love & get married, but at the same time, I really, really don’t.”

So, I rested from dating, still praying for God’s wisdom & guidance (& healing of my broken heart).

I also read “When God Writes Your Love Story,” by Eric & Leslie Ludy, a book my Mom had gifted me as a teenager, at which I had rolled my eyes & shoved on a shelf, to be ignored every day since. But now, it seemed like a beacon of hope.

His Way Now

I no longer wanted relationships based on how much flirting I could do or how perfect I could make myself seem—a perfect listener, ALWAYS there for ANYTHING, always charming & flirtatious & trying eternally to be simply perfect in every way.

I was tired of the charade.

I was tired of heartbreak.

I was tired of all the fears.

I was ready to try GOD’S WAY because MY WAY was certainly NOT WORKING.

And so, I prayed, A LOT… & I read that book, inspired to try God’s way now.

Baby Steps… No Flirting (or Hinting) Allowed

The journey of trusting God instead of me, when it came to relationships, began to take a step in the right direction when I made a male friend at college, a couple years later.

You see, we started out as friends, but as it seems typical with friends of the opposite sex, one of us developed feelings for the other (hint, it was me).

But I wanted God’s way. I wanted to look back in marriage & KNOW that I didn’t manipulate the results & thus worry whether if I failed to keep up the charade, he would lose interest & leave me. I wanted God’s way instead.

So, I prayed instead of flirting.

Clinging to Prayer Versus Manipulation of Results

I stepped away from trying to impress a guy enough or be likeable or flirtatious enough to get noticed, & I started praying instead.

I asked God that if it was His will to be with this guy, that the guy would make the first move instead of me.

I didn’t flirt.

I didn’t hint at anything.

I didn’t talk about it in such a way that he might THINK I was interested, without actually SAYING I’m interested, so that he would be nudged to think it was possible if he would just get the guts to ask me already! (We girls NEVER do that, right? Cough cough.)

No, I kept it as friends & never assumed it would ever change & I never implied to him that I wanted anything different, EVER.

And when I wanted DESPERATELY to help things along, I cried out of frustration & just prayed, A LOT for the discipline to keep my big mouth SHUT.

And I prayed for God’s will over my own. (I also prayed to remember that God’s will was better than my own & to trust that when I wanted to cave & run into my friend’s arms for a Michelle Written Love Story!)

Nothing… & Still I Trusted in God Over Myself… For Once in Relationships

And guess what… the friend NEVER ONCE made a move… & I managed (through God’s power alone), to keep my big mouth shut.

And we stayed friends… & he since got married… & I adore his now wife.

I am SO GRATEFUL that we both clung to God instead of each other, because we can stay friends with no awkward past!

God ALWAYS knows best, even when we are absolutely convinced that we do!

But that also left me single.

Meeting an Encourager

So, I kept praying & I had the chance to meet with my Aunt, who had lost her love many years ago & who had run into the arms of Jesus as a result of her deep hurt.

She encouraged me so much, just seeing the peace & assurance that flowed through her words & her life. She had such inner strength, that you could tell flowed from her deep trust in God over herself or her circumstances.

She traveled the world, as a summer missionary to several locations, from which she would rotate each summer.

She inspired me. She showed me what I life of single-hood could offer—a life so in love & so in touch with God’s guidance, peace, strength, & wisdom that seemed to flow through every aspect of her personality & life & encouraged everyone around her.

A Holy Distraction

I decided then that a speaker I had heard at Liberty University was right, “Marriage is a holy distraction. Yes, it is a blessing ordained by God, but He also says that if we can manage it, a life devoted to God is so much more fulfilling. With a family, you are distracted often from deepening your own knowledge of & relationship with God because you are hopefully dedicated to encouraging those things in your family & expending your energy & focus on them instead of God quite frequently. Not bad, but still, “a holy distraction.””

I no longer rolled my eyes at or recoiled at the idea of singlehood.

I actually wanted it!

So, then came the next step in trusting God with relationships—giving up that idea of singleness… but that will have to wait for next week.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Change Earrings

Silver hammered hoops feature coral and turquoise-toned beads wrapped in a fun color-blocked pattern. Crafted in Pakistan.

Artisan Information:

In this area of Pakistan, women are often sold as bond slaves due to family debt. Education & work opportunities are limited for women in this country, as their lives are oppressed because of their gender. Through your purchase, these women are being freed from bondage. They can now make a self-reliant income, while also receiving reading & writing classes. You can bring hope to women in Pakistan!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Pakistan!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Satan Is Limited… God is NOT

With a single thought, God made everything still.

I am about to share with you a story that I don’t often tell.

There is a danger in talking about the power of Satan, because it can scare people into believing he must be feared.

While it’s true that Satan is far more powerful than we are & has much more influence in this world than we like to give him credit for, he is not the Ultimate, All-Powerful, Sovereign, Supreme Ruler God.

Satan is limited.

And so are we.

But GOD is NOT.

The Happy Ending

I started this post with the spoiler alert ending to this story—“With a single thought, God made everything still,” as a reminder that no matter what you are about to read, God is SUPREME & if He says “Stop”, nothing (absolutely NOTHING) can overcome His will & power.

he Wasn’t Happy

Last week’s blog post, “Pivot, Pivot! #4-The Great Purge-Learning to Trust God in the Hurts,” set the stage for this week, where I shared my story about purging the thoughts & physical items that I clung to instead of God, blocking me from going “all in” with my trust in God over myself.

You can imagine that for one who wants to pick us off, manipulate us, throw accusations at us, & keep us as far away from God & truth & hope as possible, Satan was anything but pleased to see me make that sort of life statement of going “all in” for God.

Search Me, O God

I remember that during the event where I literally burned my CD collection which I had been clinging to white-knuckled instead of trusting God, I had written only a single phrase/verse in my journal during that time.

I was following along through the worksheet I mentioned last week, but as for my personal journal, only Psalm 139:23-24 made it onto the blank pages:

“Search me, O God, &know my heart: test me, & know my thoughts:

 And see if there be any wicked way in me, & lead me in the way everlasting.”

Weeding Out the Obstacles

You see, my heart cry was to no longer rely on myself &/or external things, but to give up my life to trust in the God eternal, the Redeemer of my life, Love everlasting.

The above two verses summed up how my heart was yearning. I wanted to weed out anything that was holding me back from total trust.

Wait…! What Was That…?

As a quick backstory, I had a history of paranoia.

I had chronic nightmares, was afraid of the dark as an adult, & was even afraid to pray out loud in case Satan could know my plans & then ruin them.

In other words, I was putting Satan higher than God in that I feared him more than I trusted God.

It was another roadblock I didn’t even know could change.

Trust God First

God knew that needed to learn to trust God more than I feared Satan. He knew He needed to squash Satan’s power of fear that he was holding over me, so that I could see God as the One True God.

But I didn’t know that was coming.

I wrote that verse in my journal & my eyes burned with tears of longing to give God my everything, no longer tossed to & fro by the troubles & lures of the world, but anchored in a sure foundation of hope.

Know That God Has the Final Word–Not Satan

And when I fell asleep that night, the scariest thing in the world happened to me.

And I am grateful for every second of it, because, “With a single thought, God made everything still.”

The point of sharing this upcoming story is to reveal to you that no matter how much more powerful Satan is than us, GOD IS INFINITELY MORE POWERFUL.

And before I began writing about this topic, I prayed how to share this story with you, not wanting to perpetuate that fear that once controlled me… & God whispered over my heart, “If you don’t want to scare them into submission to the Liar, start with the ending. Show the hope first.”

“With a single thought, God made everything still.”

The Fear Before the Victory

I was sleeping soundly, as far as I can remember, when I awoke with a start, to the darkness of night enveloping my room.

I tried to roll over, but all limbs seemed pinned in place.

That’s when I saw a hovering cloud of darkness by the side of my bed.

And I heard a voice in my head. A voice that was not my own.

“You think you can get away? Hahaha. I am in control now!”

Can’t Run Away, But God’s Got Me Still

I thought I must be imagining it, so I tried to turn away, to crawl under my covers… or bolt for the door, but again, my limbs were glued in place.

The cackle continued… Mocking, harsh, cruel.

I tried to scream, but I had lost my voice. Not a single noise could be forced out. Fear escalated.

“I am in control now… I told you that already… Where is your God? He’s not here to save you. I have control over you & He can’t stop it. Where is He? Hahaha.”

Crying, Afraid… But Then, Mom

I was crying now, terrified out of my mind. I urged my body to break the hold with every ounce of will until one arm broke free & I just slammed it into the wall over & over again, my voice still missing.

“No one can help you. Not even God is coming. Can you hear Him? No. Can you see Him? No. That’s because He was never even here. He doesn’t actually care about you & I am in control now! Hahahaha.”

My Mom eventually came rushing in as I cried & panicked.

I found my voice & began to unintelligibly tell her everything all at once, panic consuming me.

Stop Giving Satan the Power

My Mom wisely told me to stop giving Satan the power, that God was bigger & I needed to remind him & myself of that!

She was on the edge of my bed & I think she prayed with me.

As I looked up at her, terror-stricken, I saw as if she had the face of a demon, glaringly mocking me with a sneer.

I screeched & couldn’t get myself to look her in the face anymore.

Mind Games of Terror

My cat came out from under the bed to find out what was going on & when he jumped on my bed, I snatched him up & clung to him.

The mocking laughter continued, an audible voice speaking directly into my head, as the dark cloud remained.

As I hugged my cat, crying loudly, I pinched my eyes closed & a vision of terror flashed in my mind, of my cat lunging at my throat with fangs bared.

I dropped my cat & cried louder, scared to look at anyone or anything, afraid it would be warped & twisted into something even more terrifying.

I felt like the demon was winning & I had no hope. I had prayed & begged & yet God hadn’t shown up & hadn’t yelled to silence the voice.

Read About God’s Power… Remind Your Heart Who Is Really in Control!

I was alone & starting to believe the voice I heard.

My Mom turned on the lights to my room, turned my stereo to Worship music & got my Bible.

Her idea was to go through the concordance in the back of the Bible, look up the word “power” & read EVERY verse listed to remind myself that GOD is in control, not this demon.

The voice kept jeering, “He can’t help you anymore. I have control over you now. You’re mine!!”

I picked up my Bible, willing to try anything to make the voice stop, & started at the first verse listed, making my way through each verse where it mentions the power of God.

I Thought It Was Over

The voice faded & the fear subsided.

My Mom eventually prayed with me once more, told me to keep reading, & left to return to bed.

My eyelids grew heavy & with the voice gone, I decided to brave turning off the music, turning off the light, & going back to sleep.

But as soon as I got back in bed, the voice returned… “You thought you could get rid of me that easily?! Hahahaha. I’m still here & there’s nothing you can do to get rid of me because God’s not coming to help you.”

I Must Trust in God’s Power More Than My Fear

I sprinted for the light, turned on the music to drown out the voice, & grabbed my Bible to pick up where I left off.

I felt God nudging my heart, “Lean into me. Learn about my power. Don’t trust the voice. Just keep reading & trust my power instead. I am with you. Keep reading to the last word.”

I still felt the evil near me, but I kept reading, keeping my eyes glued to learning more about God’s power, not wanting to be crushed by my fear.

And as I finished the last word of the last verse, it happened.

With A Single Thought…

With a single thought, God made everything still.

Everything.

It was mind-blowing how very suddenly the darkness vanished; the voice was erased, & the fear just evaporated all in the single instant that I finished reading.

God showed in a profoundly surprising way, that no matter how present Satan makes himself or how much he mocks or jeers or accuses… No matter how much power he may display over us… God has the final word.

A Single Thought of God’s Is Greater Than Satan’s Worst

God didn’t have to make a grand appearance to show His power.

God didn’t have to boom his voice over the demon’s to show His power.

God didn’t have to do anything “MORE THAN” the demon to prove Himself.

He proved Himself with a single thought. A THOUGHT of God’s was more powerful than the loudest, strongest action the demon could pull off.

A THOUGHT.

No Matter How Big Your Fear Is… God Is Bigger

I share this story with you, not to scare you into sleeping with the light on, but to demonstrate to you that NO MATTER HOW BIG YOUR FEAR IS… GOD IS BIGGER!

Just a single THOUGHT is bigger than the worst that Satan can do.

Does God let Satan bellow & threaten & cause harm? Yes. But all in a display to show us that if we trust in God Himself instead, Satan, with all his given power, is POWERLESS.

A New Day of Trusting God Above My Fears… Even in Sleep

After that day, nightmares changed for me. They, for the most part, vanished completely from my nights.

But when they did show up, they were different.

The monster or the killer or whoever would come at me… I would be screaming & running in fear… Only to have a realization that, no, I’m not doing this anymore… PIVOTING to face the threat, & yelling, “In the Name of JESUS CHRIST, LEAVE. ME. ALONE!”

And the monster would vanish & the dream would transform where any fragment of danger or fear would just vanish & laughter would replace it.

If We Let Him… If We Learn to Trust Him First

God has power over even our dreams, if we let Him.

God has power over the darkness, if we let Him.

God has POWER over our fear, IF WE LET HIM.

So, let Him.

Trust HIM.

He is God-Almighty, Creator of the Heavens & the Earth, Ruler of all, King of kings, Lord of lords, Beginning & the End, Infinite, Redeemer, He is Love. He is POWER.

Trust Him.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Iris Earrings

Iridescent pink crystal beads sway on these golden teardrop hoops.

Artisan Information:

In Peru, rural citizens have been affected by extreme poverty & guerrilla warfare. Women are affected the worst as their husbands generally leave them in search of work. Many are unable to get the basic needs of food, shelter, & clothing. But with every purchase of this product, women are finding hope & an income by hand making this beautiful product. Because of you, these family businesses are now empowering the next generation!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Peru!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

A Quick Recap

Today, we come to yet another pivotal moment in my life…

So far, I have shared with you:

• Simplicity of grace in how I came to know Jesus
• My long-time battle of doubts & my eventual decision to not only pray, but to try to find happiness on my own terms
• My experience through depression & how God used that dark time in my life to solidify a foundation of TRUTH to rest in.

And now, I wish to share with you a multi-week story of what happened after I discovered that solid, reliable truth.

I Think I Know Best… But I Don’t

After God showed up in a big way, through my depression, & after He woke me up to the fact that HE was the source of truth I had been searching for for so long, was I always faithful to God? No.

I often gave (give) into human nature & I relied on what I personally thought was best, before even stopping to consider that God would know better & that I could always ask Him for wisdom. (I still struggle with this!)

It’s the human nature way of doing things when we just go through life either “winging” it or thinking we’ve got the answer & we’re ready to go… or flailing through life, wondering what in the world to do.

We (or at least I) tend to think, “I’ve got this!” or, “I SHOULD be able to do this!”

God Is Willing, But Will I Ask?

But God is right there with us, offering His wisdom, guidance, comfort, & help… so why is it so hard to ask Him versus auto-pilot mode?

This will be a forever-growing type of learning because it goes against our desire to feel in control & self-sufficient.

But, I digress….

As I currently struggle with this, I struggled with it then, too.

Turning to Music Instead of God

And a big area of struggle for me was turning to music instead of Someone who could actually help me-God.

I don’t mean that I was listening to crude, explicit music… nor that anything other than “Christian” music is even bad.

But what I mean is this—when life got hard & teen angst was winning over in my flurry of teenage hormones & emotions, my first instinct was definitely not prayer.

Validate Me!

I wanted to feel validated for what I wanted to feel about what I was feeling.

(Ain’t it fun to be a teenager? Haha. But really, I still do this.)

Oh, sometimes I thought about praying, though… but then I felt this sort of rebellion flare up inside of me, like, “No, I’m fine! I just want to listen to these sad love songs or sad ‘how dare they hurt me’ music & then I’ll be better!”

I was turning to music as my source of peace, only finding myself brooding or feeling worse because of how unfair the world felt.

The Music Always Had My Back…

I felt justified in my anger or hurt or bad attitude toward someone or some circumstance & the music was always there to back me up with lyrics like, “how dare they…” or “they’ll think twice before they…” or “I’m so sad & it’s all their fault….”

Angst galore.

And I didn’t pray for clarity or God’s peace or wisdom on how to handle it.

I just wallowed & sang along to the sad, sad tune.

But I Have a RIGHT to be Upset!

I think I liked the feeling of being justified in how upset or hurt I felt, without realizing that dwelling on those thoughts so deeply only left me feeling more hurt.

I enjoyed the drama, but I hated the hurt.

Next Time, Though…

And every time that I noticed this being the trend of results I was getting, I thought to myself, “why didn’t I just pray & ask God to comfort me & give me peace & strength & wisdom? It ALWAYS helps! You know what? No more turning to those sad songs to justify my hurt. NEXT TIME, I am definitely going to pray instead because all that hurt sucks!”

But next time…? Yep, you guessed it… I didn’t pray.

I wallowed & slunk dejectedly toward my music player, popped on my headphones, slid under the covers, & brooded the night away in tears.

It was a pathetic, sad cycle that always left me worse off.

Friendships That Encourage Us to Lean into God

But then, I had a certain friend. I’ll call her R. She encouraged me to seek God more.

We used to go in book stores, sit cross-legged on the floor, in the Christian books section, grab random books off the shelf & talk about life in our little tucked away corner.

I’m not sure how it started, but we decided to read through “Authentic Beauty”, by Leslie Ludy. (If you click the title, it will take you to view it on Amazon.com.)

My friend & I would talk about this book sometimes over the phone or on our get-togethers on the floor of the bookstore.

That book changed my world!

Hidden Gaps & Traps

The author, Leslie, talked about how we all cling to the things that we think will make us happy, but find ourselves trapped by them (um, me!) & how there are so many things that are either subconscious beliefs or tucked away secrets that keep us from going “all in” with our faith in God.

Those hidden or noticeable things entice us to hold back parts of ourselves from God, as if He doesn’t already know & see them.

Learning to Purge

In the book, Leslie also talks about doing a purge of both physical items & mental strongholds that we cling to, whether it be memories, shame, fears, doubts, etc.

Old love letters you keep tucked away for a day you feel low? Gone. (It only reminds you of what you don’t have & ends up hurting even worse.)

Pictures, mementos, or other things from old relationships that you hold on to as a sort of contingency plan when you don’t like yourself? Trash. (Clinging to anything but God is never going to satisfy us… It just makes the gaping holes more obvious!)

And my music collection. All of it. Everything. Out. (No more clinging to something that only hurt me worse. No more clinging to false anchors that leave me washed up on shore, in despair.)

Mrs. Ludy also included an online prompt guide that you could print out, to help you address thoughts that are clouding your heart & mind & keeping you trapped in the past. (I believe it is still available… check out her website on my website Resources & Recommendations tab!)

Let’s Get It Started!

Well, my friend R & I decided it was time to get together at a park, start a fire in the fire pit & take time to apologize to God for trusting these things over Him & then asking Him to help us cling to Him through life instead. It was time to purge.

And so, we took turns burning things we had held so tightly to that were just keeping us back in the empty hole of pain.

Be Gone!

I destroyed several hundred dollars’ worth of CDs.

Gone to ash.

“Why?!” you might ask… “Why didn’t you just give them away or sell them or throw them in the trash?!! That is so much wasted money!!!”

Yes, all of those thoughts screamed in my head as well.

But I didn’t want to cling to something that kept causing me more pain. I wanted out from under its hold on me. I wanted to trust God to be sufficient in His comfort, strength, & wisdom, versus a sad song to affirm my pain in the moment, but also offer no help or solution.

And if I gave it away, I would probably beg for it back… If I sold them, I felt like I was doing it for profit… & if I threw it away, I would cave & go get them out.

And I knew that the money used to buy those CDs was made possible by God’s blessing & that I would rather have Him than a CD collection.

It Was My Shackles

Call me fanatical if you’d like, but I will tell you right now that my heart KNEW I was imprisoned by that collection. I felt like I NEEDED it to survive any hurt I faced.

It was a lie. And I clung to it with white knuckles.

It wasn’t the CD collection that was wrong… It was the control it had over me.

I didn’t burn everything non-Christian related that I owned. I specifically burned that CD collection because I recognized how much power it had over me & I was no longer satisfied letting that remain the case.

God Knew What I Needed Was Really HIM

I will tell you right now that God helping me recognize that clinging to my CD collection for hope & validation was the source of so much of my heartache… & then having the faith & courage to demolish that source of control over me so I could trust the loving source of God in my life… It was the most freeing thing I have done.

I felt free. SO FREE.

Like, “Bye, Felicia! Buh-BYE! See ya never!”

It felt great!

Finding the Balance, Removing the Control

And do I have non-Christian CDs now? Yes. (I, for one, love Disney music, so… no judgement please, haha.)

But I didn’t have any new CDs (other than worship/praise to God music) for several years after that, until it no longer was my go-to.

Not the Music… The Control

Did I judge anyone else for having other music? NO! Because I knew it wasn’t the music that was bad (singing about love or happy blessings in our life is not sinful), it was the control the music had OVER me.

And I made sure that every time I hurt after that, when I felt that rebellion flare up that “I don’t need God! I’m fine!” I would then stop… breathe… close my eyes… & ask God to help me change my heart & my snooty, rebellious, temper tantrum attitude.

Then I asked Him to give me real peace & hope & comfort through Him, in my hurt, in its place.

It was 100% more effective.

Every time.

Reflect & See What Is Controlling You… & Give It Over to God & Find Freedom through Trusting God Instead!

So, what’s the moral of the story, you ask? Don’t buy music? Burn everything you own? No.

The point is to take time for reflection & ask God what is holding you back from trusting Him more.

Ask Him to show you what you’re hiding & for Him to be the gentle guide to help you eradicate it from your heart so it doesn’t keep controlling you.

Ask Him to give you courage to trust Him through the process.

Maybe go to Leslie Ludy’s site & go through the prompt guide yourself.

And ask God to comfort you through the healing.

He is walking alongside you, waiting for you to ask.

It’s not all up to you to fix everything broken or to heal everything hurting.

He is able. He is willing.

Ask Him for help. It’s so, SO worth it, Beautiful One!

Coming Next Week

This Week is time for our monthly Special Feature post! So check back on Thursday to see what it is!

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Inverted Capiz Earrings

These earrings feature shimmery, creamy white capiz shells, each framed by a black edge.

Artisan Information:

In the Philippines, finding employment as a woman in poverty can be extremely difficult. Poor working conditions, lack of job security, & unfair pay are often the realities. Through your purchases, these women are receiving an income, health care, & social development programs. This allows these women to realize their potential & pursue their dreams in a safe environment. You have the opportunity to change lives!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in the Philippines!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

The Basics

A few weeks ago, we talked about prayer & what it actually accomplishes. (Check it out here.) But today, I wanted to take it a step further to talk about one of the greatest prayers you can pray.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with prayer, prayer is simply talking to God.

There is no magic formula to pray. God hears you when you talk with Him, whether out loud or in your heart.

To start praying, simply share your heart with God. As you learn more about His promises in the Bible, you can learn to pray more effectively, because you will learn His heart & what He has promised us.

Sometimes, we just need to be reminded that, “Oh yeah, God’s Word says He will __________________.” And we can pray & ask God to fulfill that promise in that moment, putting our focus more on the power of God & His promises than of the situation we are currently facing.

Digging Deeper

Maybe one week I will go into some of the promises of God that we can claim in prayer, but for today, I wanted to focus on one specific prayer that can change your entire life (without exaggeration!)

That prayer is to ask God to teach you to know & love God more.

You see, everything stems out of our love for God.

God spends many chapters in the Bible telling us that love is the key. Loving Him with all of our heart & mind & soul & strength… And loving others as ourselves… are the two greatest commandments, according to God.

Everything else that He asks of us will flow from obeying those two greatest commands to love Him first & to love others.

Looking Around Versus Bowing Down & Looking Up

Too often, our focus is distracted by the battle we are facing. And while it is a wonderful & worthy habit to pray for victory in those daily battles, we need to learn the even greater habit of resting in the power of God moment by moment.

You see, we can expend much energy fighting our daily battles, whether it be lack of sleep, temptations, grumpy kids, hurting marriage, tough job, etc.

And we need to be giving those trials up to God, trusting in His power, grace, & peace to sustain us in the trenches of life.

But, sometimes, we need to stop, close our eyes, & rest in WHO GOD IS.

Our mind can get so overwhelmed by the pressures of the world that we sometimes forget to look up, so to speak.

Lean Into Who God Is

He is Almighty God. He is Everlasting Father. He is Prince of Peace. He is Lord of lords, King of kings. He is the First & the Last. He is Creator. He is our Savior & Redeemer. He is our Intercessor. He is GOD.

Lean into that. Lean into HIM.

While our battles exist & while praying through them is always necessary for true victory, do not neglect the moments of just kneeling at His feet(figuratively) & just bowing your heart before the Almighty God, letting HIM be GOD in your heart, mind, soul, & strength.

The More You Know…

Learn to love Him with everything you have & are.

Pray over this fervently, passionately, diligently, continually!

As you begin to know Him more, through reading & studying His Word, the Bible… & as you learn to discern His Word through a growing relationship with Him, through prayer, your love for Him will blossom.

It is inevitable.

The Greatest Love Story

The Bible is a Love Story written to us. A story of our failures, weaknesses, insecurities, fears, mistakes… And of His undying, passionate, fierce love for us no matter the circumstances, no matter our supposed worth, no matter our failures. No matter what.

He LOVES you.

Always.

Forever.

No. Matter. What.

And as His Word tells us, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

Not after we clean up our act. Not after we prove our worthiness. Notafter we pay Him back for every wrong we’ve done.

While we were still sinners….

It Was a Once & For All Kind of Deal

He died FOR us. For OUR payment. For OUR debt. HE died. FOR us.

You see, the more you study God’s Word, the more you begin see His love poured over the pages of history.

And the more you see His love, the more you tend to fall in love with Him right back.

And the more you fall in love with Him & His love for you, the more you want to know Him.

And the more you learn to know & love God, the more His love flows out of your heart & into the lives of others.

You see, I am not perfect & will never ever be (before heaven), but I am redeemed. My debt is paid for IN FULL.

I repented. I admitted God was right & I was wrong. I asked for forgiveness.

And He forgave without a moment’s hesitation.

And if you haven’t had that moment before God, He is waiting with open arms to do the same for you, Darling One.

Not Mine, But His Goodness in Me

Any good you see in me is not me, it’s Him. He trades my inadequacies for His power & love & grace.

As I learn to pour more of myself into Him, resting in His love & power & truth & grace, He takes my pride, insecurities, selfishness, & every other ugly part & He renews me for His glory.

The more I let go of, in the areas of my weaknesses, fears, & pride, the more He strengthens, renews, & redeems those areas of my life for His glory & for the good of myself & others around me.

Pray… And Don’t Stop Praying

So, pray.

Ask God to help you to know & love Him more. And don’t stop praying it. Don’t give up on that prayer & goal, because out of that flows the fountain of LIFE.

Let His love pour over you. Immerse yourself in His Word sent down to us (the Bible). And talk to Him—pray.

Don’t be content trying to serve God simply out of duty. And don’t avoid serving God because it just feels like duty.

Don’t exhaust yourself trying to be perfect for God on your own & in your own strength.

Pray & ask God to show you how to know & love Him more with each passing day.

Let Him In

Because as He shapes your heart, in love & truth, your life will begin to be an overflow from a heart focused on the grace & love & peace & power of God.

Let Him in. Let Him permeate your life in Love. Let your mind be renewed by His Truth.

And let His grace rule in your hearts & minds as you learn to live for His Kingdom & for the redemption of the world.

Live to love Him. Live to know Him.

And Shine HOPE, Lovely.

Coming Next Week

Make sure to check back next Monday morning EST for our next dose of encouragement.

Feel free to send me a message if something has spoken to your heart in a special way! I love hearing from you!!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you!<3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Sea Glass Necklace

Artisans recreate the look & feel of sea glass by upcycling glass bottles from local hotels & restaurants that would otherwise be discarded, & they then tumble that glass with water & sand from the Red Sea until it is smooth. Sizes & colors may vary.

Artisan Information:

Many Jordanian women have their lives controlled by their closest male relative. They balance many customs at home, creating a lack of independence. Some of these women are divorced, widowed, or married to a man who may already have many wives. But amid struggles, these women we work with arrive to a family-like workplace. They can be heard singing, laughing, & drinking tea while creating our unique jewelry made from upcycled glass bottles. Your purchase empowers them with boldness & financial independence for the first time!

Purchase this piece and empower a woman in Jordan!

(*Also pictured: Truth Earrings from the Philippines!)

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!