We Need to Talk…

Can we talk about health & body image for a second today?

If you know me, you know I am overweight…. But my weight doesn’t define me.

A Little Pudge… Words Matter

You see, little me had a little pudge—I wasn’t fat, but I wasn’t skinny. In hindsight, I looked like a normal little kid—but I felt UGLY.

I was always told by others that I would be liked more if I lost weight… that boys would like me better & that I would make more friends.

I know now that those words were meant to encourage me to be healthy & that a healthy person usually is just more confident, stronger, & more energetic, which usually attracts people. CONFIDENCE attracts people.

But I took it a different way then. I took it to mean that I wasn’t worth too much without a smaller number on the scale… without a smaller clothing size.

I Used to Pray to be Skinny

I am still wading through & dividing the line between well-meaning persuasion of others & the insecurities that I am just not enough.

I used to pray SO MUCH that God would just make me skinny. I used to pray that I could lose all desire for food & maybe that He would make it all taste gross to me.

(I am so glad He DIDN’T answer okay to making food taste bad! Thank You, GOD!)

My Weight Shame

I used to cry a lot, feeling like such a loser, someone who deserved to be picked on & verbally bullied at school. I DESERVED it because I wasn’t skinny, so I therefore wasn’t pretty enough to be treated well anyway. (My perception then.)

I used to avoid looking in the mirror EVER & used to pray that God would help me not HATE the way I look when I see myself in a mirror anymore.

I used to wear t-shirts when I showered because I was too ashamed to see how “gross” I looked. I was a pre-teen then.

One failure seemed to unravel any progress or good habits I had formed because if I failed it once, I “would probably never succeed anyway.”

I had a LOT of lies tear me up over the years.

Maybe if I Flirt?

I even let boys, friends even, assault me because I thought maybe it was a good sign that they wanted me at all “in my condition of fatness”. And I felt proud of it, until I felt like garbage afterwards, like a used up & worthless rag, to be used & tossed away.

I flirted & dressed inappropriately thinking that if I was too fat to be liked or wanted, I would flirt my way into their hearts. Sex appeal.

But that left me dead inside, like the “ME” hidden behind all those charades was just stuffed away, unimportant, & forgotten. Like I didn’t really matter anyway.

It’s been a long, tough road & one that God has grown me through in MANY ways. (See my Pivotal Post to see what happened with my harmful flirting-for-attention mindset.)

Changing the Script

I thought finding a guy who loves me & then marrying him would solve all of my problems, but I have been married 8 years to a man who dotes on me & gushes over my “gorgeousness” & I STILL struggle believing that he means it sometimes.

Because I am overweight.

I’m not skinny.

I always thought that Healthy => Skinny => Beautiful => Valuable/Lovable.

But that script needs to end.

I Know I’m Not Alone

I know I am not the only one who has had a similar view of themselves.

I see the shameless flirting, crying out to be wanted, needed, & loved.

I see the tugging of the shirts to cover the rolls & never being without a cardigan or hoodie to hide them.

I see the “Sorry for no makeup today” posts, as if they aren’t GORGEOUS JUST THE WAY GOD MADE THEM.

I see the diet posts.

I see the desperation to fit in & look good.

And that motivation needs to stop. (I am speaking to myself here, too.)

Fat Tissue Is Just Fat Tissue

We need to learn to love ourselves. Not in a vain: “Aren’t I the most amazing person in the world? Well, you’re dumb if you disagree!”

No, but we need to realize that our VALUE in NOT wrapped up in how many POUNDS of fat tissue we have on our bodies!!

Fat is JUST FAT.

Watch Out for the Pendulum Swing!

Now, let’s not allow that pendulum swing go the opposite way of saying, “Who cares if I am unhealthy because I am valuable as is!”

We should strive to be good stewards of the bodies God has gifted us with. We need to care about our HEALTH.

But we need to care about our HEALTH & NOT our FAT/LOOKS.

We need to learn to see Healthy = Energy, strength, alertness, less sluggishness, & more adventure!

Your BODY Loves HEALTHY

Being healthy does NOT make you more or less VALUABLE. It just makes you HEALTHY.

Your body will LOVE your efforts to eat clean, eat healthy portions, avoid junk food, get sunshine, MOVE, etc. Your body will appreciate those efforts & will thank you for it!

But EVEN IF you never get healthy, YOU ARE STILL GORGEOUS & LOVABLE & VALUABLE.

God Sees YOU First… Not the Number on Your Scale

God doesn’t see you as “less than” if you can’t lose the weight & anyone who doesn’t want to be friends with you just because you have a problem maintaining your health really is not worth pursuing friendship with.

So, hear me on this… LOVE you. Realize GOD LOVES YOU.

You are lovable. You are YOU no matter how many pounds weigh on you.

Be healthy to be healthy & ONLY for that reason. Take care of the body God has given you so that you can get more out of life with energy & strength. Take care of it to keep your body healthy from preventable health risks.

But, give yourself a hug & learn to look at yourself in the mirror every day & say, “GIRL, you’re gorgeous!” And ask God for help if you struggle with that, because He CERTAINLY helped me.

I Am BEAUTIFUL… And So Are YOU

I can now appreciate my smile & my blue eyes & just appreciate God’s design of my face & body in general.

I like my calves & I think my feet are cute. And, as my husband tells me, I like my body proportions that God has given me that will widen or narrow depending on my weight, but are still beautiful regardless of where the number on the scale leans.

I am BEAUTIFUL.

Am I healthy? –Not nearly as I should be, but I am a BEAUTIFUL Work-in-Progress.

A Toast to Loving Your Body As Is AND Striving for Good Health

So, here’s to new ways of thinking about our bodies. Here is to appreciating the features God created. Here is to learning that Healthy does NOT equal Beauty/Worth… Healthy = Energetic, Strong, Alert, HEALTHY.

Shine HOPE by praising God’s design of YOU & others, WHILE working to make your body happy by treating it well.

Not Just a Lean/Strong Body, But a Healed Heart

You see, if the struggle with your body image is not simply a concern for your HEALTH, but rather how WORTHY or valuable you feel… Health is not your only battle… your heart needs healing, too.

If you’re not seeking God’s help healing those inner wounds of the heart, it won’t matter if you lose every ounce of extra body fat. Maintaining your weight will become its own prison for you… It will create NEW problems for you: “What happens if I can’t keep it off? Do people only accept me because of my new body weight? Do they care about ME or my looks???”

Don’t let your motivations to get fit, lose weight, eat healthy… be to feel Pretty, Lovable, Desirable, Valuable…. Do it to make your body Strong, Energized, Alert, & less susceptible to be at risk for health problems later on or even now.

And ALWAYS ask God for help healing your heart & helping you to love yourself NOW & to help guide you to take better care of the body He has gifted you with.

Because YOU’RE WORTH IT… JUST THE WAY YOU ARE, Beautiful!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Onyx Necklace

Modern hammered brass necklace features 3 genuine onyx drops.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write & grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & send them to school! You have the opportunity to end poverty & create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

I NEED to Remember This!

Today is going to be a short post, but something I feel is SO important for us (including me) to remember.

I like solving problems—whether that be organizing solutions that make our home (& cleaning) run more smoothly, or whether it be sorting through trials/stress in life. I like to be a problem-solver.

But I have found that this is just my way to feel in control of a tough situation (& life in general).

I have also learned that I tend to pray AFTER I have come up with the solution I think will help the most or will fix my struggle in the best way.

Do you do that, too? Or is it just me?

Lifelong Habits of Mine That Need to GO

I am having to rewire some lifelong habits of mine to help me be more aware of when I am following this pattern (mostly by asking God to help me be aware of it), so that I can INSTEAD stop & ask GOD for help through it even before I think I have it figured out.

I want to encourage us today to stop trying to be the master of solutions, whether you feel you’re good at it or whether you’re drowning in attempts at it, & instead, stop & ask God for help FIRST.

What Should I Ask Him?

Ask Him to show you what He determines is the solution & the best course of action.

Ask Him to help you sort through the chaos & to calm your heart & mind.

Ask Him to help you trust Him IN the storm, versus trusting in the end of the storm as your hope.

Ask Him to use the struggle to help you understand His love for you more clearly.

Where’s the Escape Hatch??!

I know our favorite (& the easiest) hope is that which erases all struggle. And when God grants us this request, we no doubt feel freed & joyous.

But sometimes God doesn’t calm the storm & when He doesn’t, it can make us feel forgotten & bitter & at least sad.

He knows that what we ultimately need is not ease & comfort, but a fuller & more stable trust in HIM—Because when that sort of confidence grows to maturity in our hearts, struggles just don’t seem as tumultuous or scary or stressful.

If all He gave us was a calmed storm, we would always fear the possibility of the next storm, & our hope would remain in the ideal of never facing any storms.

A Sin-Torn World… BUT, GOD

But we live in a broken world, broken by sin, & troubles & storms do exist.

He knows that storms will come & instead of just whooshing them away, He instead helps us to grow our trust in HIM. We can be confident knowing that no matter what may come, He is still in control & He’s got it.

But it doesn’t come by just wishing. It comes through talking with Him through it (AKA prayer) & leaning into Him & asking Him for His wisdom & His direction & His plan & His strength & His peace, etc.

Two-Fold Encouragement

So, today’s encouragement is two-fold.

One—trust Him enough to ask for His help FIRST, before you try to sort it out yourself. He has infinite knowledge, infinite wisdom & plenty of extra years (also infinite) of experience than you do. So, ask Him FIRST.

Two—don’t put so much hope in reaching the end of the struggle, but use it as an opportunity to grasp hold of Him & grow your confidence in HIM over ANY struggle.

Talk to Him

Ask for wisdom. Ask for a solution. Ask for guidance. Ask how to get through it. Ask for strength. Ask for a grown trust in Him. Ask for HELP trusting Him. Ask for what to do IN the struggle. Ask for comfort & peace. Ask to be reminded of His care & love for you. ASK HIM whatever is on your heart & mind.

He is listening. AND He cares greatly for you. So, ASK.

A Prayer for Help

“God, … We don’t always understand why we can’t fix something or make it better. Sometimes we feel helpless & hopeless & flailing about. And it’s so easy to sit & mull over it & try to rack our brains for any solution to ease our troubles & THEN ask for Your help with it. But God, You are GOD, ALMIGHTY GOD. The ONE TRUE GOD. You created us & knit us together in our mother’s wombs. You created life & this world & everything in it. You don’t need our help. You are so vast & so ALL-knowing & WISE. You are so strong & POWERFUL. And yet, YOU LOVE US without condition. Please help us to be aware of when we are trying to self-solve, self-soothe, & self-shield, so we can instead lean into the much more powerful & wise YOU. Help us to trust YOU more than we trust the end of our struggles. It is SO EASY to long & yearn after ease & comfort, especially when our struggles seem to scream constantly at us, but You are BIGGER still! Help us to learn how to trust You better. Help us to lean into Your care & to discover more of Your love through each struggle. You are God. You know best. AND You care so incredibly deeply for each & every one of us. Help us to see that better. Help us to see You better. We love You. AMEN.

Shine Hope, not by being a problem solver, but by pointing to & turning to the ultimate Problem Solver, God.

He loves you SO VERY MUCH! <3

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day. I am not perfect, nor ever will be, but I know the One who is & I want you to know Him, too!

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Lotus Earrings

Hand cut suede makes these flower petal-inspired earrings a perfect statement piece.

Artisan Information:

In India, many women are forced to work in sweatshops with unfair pay & dangerous conditions. But with every purchase, the women who make this product are now working in a safe environment, being paid a fair wage & seeing their lives change for the better! They also have access to education & financial counseling. You are empowering women to have freedom to dream again!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

A Quick Recap

Today, we come to yet another pivotal moment in my life…

So far, I have shared with you:

• Simplicity of grace in how I came to know Jesus
• My long-time battle of doubts & my eventual decision to not only pray, but to try to find happiness on my own terms
• My experience through depression & how God used that dark time in my life to solidify a foundation of TRUTH to rest in.

And now, I wish to share with you a multi-week story of what happened after I discovered that solid, reliable truth.

I Think I Know Best… But I Don’t

After God showed up in a big way, through my depression, & after He woke me up to the fact that HE was the source of truth I had been searching for for so long, was I always faithful to God? No.

I often gave (give) into human nature & I relied on what I personally thought was best, before even stopping to consider that God would know better & that I could always ask Him for wisdom. (I still struggle with this!)

It’s the human nature way of doing things when we just go through life either “winging” it or thinking we’ve got the answer & we’re ready to go… or flailing through life, wondering what in the world to do.

We (or at least I) tend to think, “I’ve got this!” or, “I SHOULD be able to do this!”

God Is Willing, But Will I Ask?

But God is right there with us, offering His wisdom, guidance, comfort, & help… so why is it so hard to ask Him versus auto-pilot mode?

This will be a forever-growing type of learning because it goes against our desire to feel in control & self-sufficient.

But, I digress….

As I currently struggle with this, I struggled with it then, too.

Turning to Music Instead of God

And a big area of struggle for me was turning to music instead of Someone who could actually help me-God.

I don’t mean that I was listening to crude, explicit music… nor that anything other than “Christian” music is even bad.

But what I mean is this—when life got hard & teen angst was winning over in my flurry of teenage hormones & emotions, my first instinct was definitely not prayer.

Validate Me!

I wanted to feel validated for what I wanted to feel about what I was feeling.

(Ain’t it fun to be a teenager? Haha. But really, I still do this.)

Oh, sometimes I thought about praying, though… but then I felt this sort of rebellion flare up inside of me, like, “No, I’m fine! I just want to listen to these sad love songs or sad ‘how dare they hurt me’ music & then I’ll be better!”

I was turning to music as my source of peace, only finding myself brooding or feeling worse because of how unfair the world felt.

The Music Always Had My Back…

I felt justified in my anger or hurt or bad attitude toward someone or some circumstance & the music was always there to back me up with lyrics like, “how dare they…” or “they’ll think twice before they…” or “I’m so sad & it’s all their fault….”

Angst galore.

And I didn’t pray for clarity or God’s peace or wisdom on how to handle it.

I just wallowed & sang along to the sad, sad tune.

But I Have a RIGHT to be Upset!

I think I liked the feeling of being justified in how upset or hurt I felt, without realizing that dwelling on those thoughts so deeply only left me feeling more hurt.

I enjoyed the drama, but I hated the hurt.

Next Time, Though…

And every time that I noticed this being the trend of results I was getting, I thought to myself, “why didn’t I just pray & ask God to comfort me & give me peace & strength & wisdom? It ALWAYS helps! You know what? No more turning to those sad songs to justify my hurt. NEXT TIME, I am definitely going to pray instead because all that hurt sucks!”

But next time…? Yep, you guessed it… I didn’t pray.

I wallowed & slunk dejectedly toward my music player, popped on my headphones, slid under the covers, & brooded the night away in tears.

It was a pathetic, sad cycle that always left me worse off.

Friendships That Encourage Us to Lean into God

But then, I had a certain friend. I’ll call her R. She encouraged me to seek God more.

We used to go in book stores, sit cross-legged on the floor, in the Christian books section, grab random books off the shelf & talk about life in our little tucked away corner.

I’m not sure how it started, but we decided to read through “Authentic Beauty”, by Leslie Ludy. (If you click the title, it will take you to view it on Amazon.com.)

My friend & I would talk about this book sometimes over the phone or on our get-togethers on the floor of the bookstore.

That book changed my world!

Hidden Gaps & Traps

The author, Leslie, talked about how we all cling to the things that we think will make us happy, but find ourselves trapped by them (um, me!) & how there are so many things that are either subconscious beliefs or tucked away secrets that keep us from going “all in” with our faith in God.

Those hidden or noticeable things entice us to hold back parts of ourselves from God, as if He doesn’t already know & see them.

Learning to Purge

In the book, Leslie also talks about doing a purge of both physical items & mental strongholds that we cling to, whether it be memories, shame, fears, doubts, etc.

Old love letters you keep tucked away for a day you feel low? Gone. (It only reminds you of what you don’t have & ends up hurting even worse.)

Pictures, mementos, or other things from old relationships that you hold on to as a sort of contingency plan when you don’t like yourself? Trash. (Clinging to anything but God is never going to satisfy us… It just makes the gaping holes more obvious!)

And my music collection. All of it. Everything. Out. (No more clinging to something that only hurt me worse. No more clinging to false anchors that leave me washed up on shore, in despair.)

Mrs. Ludy also included an online prompt guide that you could print out, to help you address thoughts that are clouding your heart & mind & keeping you trapped in the past. (I believe it is still available… check out her website on my website Resources & Recommendations tab!)

Let’s Get It Started!

Well, my friend R & I decided it was time to get together at a park, start a fire in the fire pit & take time to apologize to God for trusting these things over Him & then asking Him to help us cling to Him through life instead. It was time to purge.

And so, we took turns burning things we had held so tightly to that were just keeping us back in the empty hole of pain.

Be Gone!

I destroyed several hundred dollars’ worth of CDs.

Gone to ash.

“Why?!” you might ask… “Why didn’t you just give them away or sell them or throw them in the trash?!! That is so much wasted money!!!”

Yes, all of those thoughts screamed in my head as well.

But I didn’t want to cling to something that kept causing me more pain. I wanted out from under its hold on me. I wanted to trust God to be sufficient in His comfort, strength, & wisdom, versus a sad song to affirm my pain in the moment, but also offer no help or solution.

And if I gave it away, I would probably beg for it back… If I sold them, I felt like I was doing it for profit… & if I threw it away, I would cave & go get them out.

And I knew that the money used to buy those CDs was made possible by God’s blessing & that I would rather have Him than a CD collection.

It Was My Shackles

Call me fanatical if you’d like, but I will tell you right now that my heart KNEW I was imprisoned by that collection. I felt like I NEEDED it to survive any hurt I faced.

It was a lie. And I clung to it with white knuckles.

It wasn’t the CD collection that was wrong… It was the control it had over me.

I didn’t burn everything non-Christian related that I owned. I specifically burned that CD collection because I recognized how much power it had over me & I was no longer satisfied letting that remain the case.

God Knew What I Needed Was Really HIM

I will tell you right now that God helping me recognize that clinging to my CD collection for hope & validation was the source of so much of my heartache… & then having the faith & courage to demolish that source of control over me so I could trust the loving source of God in my life… It was the most freeing thing I have done.

I felt free. SO FREE.

Like, “Bye, Felicia! Buh-BYE! See ya never!”

It felt great!

Finding the Balance, Removing the Control

And do I have non-Christian CDs now? Yes. (I, for one, love Disney music, so… no judgement please, haha.)

But I didn’t have any new CDs (other than worship/praise to God music) for several years after that, until it no longer was my go-to.

Not the Music… The Control

Did I judge anyone else for having other music? NO! Because I knew it wasn’t the music that was bad (singing about love or happy blessings in our life is not sinful), it was the control the music had OVER me.

And I made sure that every time I hurt after that, when I felt that rebellion flare up that “I don’t need God! I’m fine!” I would then stop… breathe… close my eyes… & ask God to help me change my heart & my snooty, rebellious, temper tantrum attitude.

Then I asked Him to give me real peace & hope & comfort through Him, in my hurt, in its place.

It was 100% more effective.

Every time.

Reflect & See What Is Controlling You… & Give It Over to God & Find Freedom through Trusting God Instead!

So, what’s the moral of the story, you ask? Don’t buy music? Burn everything you own? No.

The point is to take time for reflection & ask God what is holding you back from trusting Him more.

Ask Him to show you what you’re hiding & for Him to be the gentle guide to help you eradicate it from your heart so it doesn’t keep controlling you.

Ask Him to give you courage to trust Him through the process.

Maybe go to Leslie Ludy’s site & go through the prompt guide yourself.

And ask God to comfort you through the healing.

He is walking alongside you, waiting for you to ask.

It’s not all up to you to fix everything broken or to heal everything hurting.

He is able. He is willing.

Ask Him for help. It’s so, SO worth it, Beautiful One!

Coming Next Week

This Week is time for our monthly Special Feature post! So check back on Thursday to see what it is!

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Inverted Capiz Earrings

These earrings feature shimmery, creamy white capiz shells, each framed by a black edge.

Artisan Information:

In the Philippines, finding employment as a woman in poverty can be extremely difficult. Poor working conditions, lack of job security, & unfair pay are often the realities. Through your purchases, these women are receiving an income, health care, & social development programs. This allows these women to realize their potential & pursue their dreams in a safe environment. You have the opportunity to change lives!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in the Philippines!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!