Fear Pendulum Recap

We talked about fear on here recently, with how it often incites a fight or flight response, & in the case of this recent pandemic, is usually expressed with either buying copious amounts of toilet paper or sharing specific memes that express a complete disregard &/or carelessness for anything virus-related. (See that post, here.)

We also talked about how neither of those options work.

Of those responses to fear, it either leaves us crippled & crushed under an unsurmountable mountain of anxiety or the other response leaves us being disrespectful to those in harm’s way.

But the third option is putting our full trust in God. Letting Him quiet our hearts, by leaning into Him… While also respecting the fear of others & seeking to protect them from potential harm by seeking our confidence in Him over ourselves & our “wisdom.”

Another Type of Fear-Reverence, Respect, & Awe

But there is another type of fear I want to talk about today: Fear of God.

Some of you, in going through this pandemic, have been faced with this fear a little more directly than you may have admitted to yourself in the past.

It is something we should all possess, but not necessarily in the way you might understand it.

Perfectly Just & Perfectly Merciful

You see, God is both our perfect, unprejudiced Judge & our merciful, loving Redeemer.

As the perfect Judge, He has to maintain His law.

His law says that the punishment of sin (or rejecting His way & rebelling against His way) is death. This death leads to eternal separation from His love & every good thing, leaving us with only pain unimaginable & unyielding.

But, He is also our perfect, merciful Redeemer.

In this, knowing we could never perfectly uphold His law without fault, God sent His very Son, Jesus Christ, to die on our behalf, taking our sentencing upon Himself & rising again, victorious over both sin AND death, that anyone who turns from their way to put their hope & trust in Jesus instead of themselves, will be met with REDEMPTION to an eternity with NO pain or hurt or tears or sorrow, but only joy & goodness & love.

But, Fear GOD

So, in the Bible, we are told roughly 500 times (according to a quick Google search) to “FEAR GOD.”

One being, in Matthew 10:28 “And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul & body in hell.” (Also in Luke 12:4-7.)

This could also be stated as, “And do not fear [this pandemic, which kills] the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.” (edit mine)

Now, this is not a fire & brimstone message, so don’t worry… stick with me for the Good News….

Fear, Reverence, Awe

So, keeping in mind that God is both our Perfect Judge & Perfectly Merciful, what exactly does it mean to “fear God’?

Think of it in the terms offered by the original Greek “phobeisthe”: to fear, to be alarmed by, to revere, or to be in awe of.

God loves you so infinitely & perfectly & unconditionally that NO MATTER your past or present, HE PAID IN FULL your debt to Him, through Jesus taking your sentence by dying for you if you but put your faith in HIM. That is LOVE.

BUT, He also deserves our undying respect & honor & reverence & awe as our Almighty God… Our KING… Our Creator.

A Joy Eternal

In this time of uncertainty, fear, inconvenience, discomfort, worry, sickness, & death, let us remember that while it is true that this pandemic is wreaking havoc, it cannot have our souls.

We can rest in God’s ALMIGHTYness. We can rest in knowing that He has a plan for GOOD to come from this. And for those who have said “YES” to Him in accepting His FREE GIFT of redemption, we can rest in knowing that whether we lose to this virus or not, our eternal home is one of no tears, no pain, no suffering, no hurts, & no sorrow.

There is hope.

HOPE

(Emphasis in all verses in this post are mine.)

“And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure….” (Hebrews 6:19)

“Guide me in Your truth & teach me, for You are God my Savior, & my hope is in You all day long.” (Psalm 25:5)

“… put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love & with Him is full redemption.” (Psalm 130:7)

Fearing the LORD Is:

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, & knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” (Proverbs 9:10)

“The fear of the Lord leads to life; then one rests content, untouched by trouble.” (Proverbs 19:23)

Sometimes, when God displays His great power, we are tempted to hide & run, knowing we are unworthy. But, when God displays His power, it is to remind us that He has everything covered. He is the GREAT I AM. He is Creator, KING of kings, Lord of lords, Almighty God!

He deserves our respect & our trusting obedience. And while it is easy to self-protect, self-soothe, or self-solve, we CAN TRUST HIM with our burdens, fears, worries, etc.

Crave the Display of His Power, For in It Lies Our Confidence

I don’t know about you, but having that perspective makes me crave the display of God’s great power rather than avoiding or fearing it. It is a reminder that He is SO MUCH BIGGER than me!

And so, in this terrifying & uncertain time that we live in, look to Him. Fear HIM—revere Him, respect Him, honor Him, be in awe of Him… rather than cowering or running away from Him.

Exodus 20:18-21

Choosing a Response

Will you “remain at a distance” as the Israelites responded?

Or will you approach where God is & trust Him over all else?

Don’t run from His power, but crave it & submit trustingly to it.

God is still God. He is greater than this pandemic. His plan spans eternity. He loves us infinitely & unconditionally. He is Almighty God.

Even if it has to start with an uncertain whisper of the heart (where I began & where this man in the Bible began): “Immediately the father of the child cried out [to Jesus] & said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24)

Shine Hope. Fear God, not the virus.

How will you respond?

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Manilla Bay Earrings

Local capiz shell is dyed a light blue/green hue and hand cut into half moon shapes accented with silver toned metal.

Artisan Information:

In the Philippines, finding employment as a woman in poverty can be extremely difficult. Poor working conditions, lack of job security, & unfair pay are often the realities. Through your purchase, these women are receiving an income, health care, & social development programs. This allows these women to realize their potential & pursue their dreams in a safe environment. You have the opportunity to change lives! 

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Resisting the Urge to Avoid

Isn’t this a fun thing to consider (Note the sarcasm)? The idea of finding comfort in being uncomfortable?

I don’t know about you, but for me, I would rather AVOID being uncomfortable.

Whether it be a person who grates me or is constantly bringing up controversial topics, or even the thought of doing something uncomfortable that God has asked of me (like running a blog or loving my enemy, for example)… I would rather say, “No thanks!” & carry on without it. This concept of getting comfortable being uncomfortable may seem like the opposite of a good idea to you, too. Trust me, it’s not such a fun thing for me to consider either.

Growing in Complacency or TRUST?

I like comfort just as much as anyone else, if not more.

But one thing that running my blog has taught me is that I need to lean into my discomfort more than striving for more comfort.

One thing that comfort does for many of us is a growing complacency, built on trusting what we feel like doing or what we feel capable of doing, versus trusting an infinite God to help us overcome & do more than we already feel comfortable doing.

A Constant Need for Surrender is Not Comfortable, But It Is Filled with Many Blessings

This may or may not come as a surprise to you, but running my blog is not a comfort zone for me. I do not feel ready to go each week, jumping at the bit to write. It’s a constant surrender for me.

My desire for comfort coupled with my constant need to surrender that comfort to God in order to run this blog means that I have tried unsuccessfully to talk myself out of continuing my blog countless times.

Even today, I spent most of the day doing everything but work on this post for this week. It will be published in about 5 hours & I am just now starting it.

Why Keep Going if It Takes Continual Surrendered Discomfort?

So why do it? Why keep doing something that I don’t always feel comfortable/confident doing?

Because every time I pray about it, I feel God patiently & gently nudging me to be a light for Him, to point others to Him, & to surrender my unwillingness & ask for His help instead of avoiding it altogether.

And here comes the whole point of today’s post.

Sometimes God Asks Us Out of Our Comfort Zones to Teach Us That He Is Enough EVEN THERE

Sometimes God asks us to do things outside of our comfort zones (Moses is a great example of this because he kept saying, “But, I…”) & obey in faith. Faith in Whom? In HIM.

It is completely human nature to seek comfort… even if your comfort is living as a thrill-seeker (just fyi–NOT my comfort zone, haha), but feeling discomfort being still & quiet.

We cling to where & what & with whom we feel most comfortable.

But God wants us to learn to cling to HIM.

And Yet We Still Fight It. Why?

*Sigh* I know this & yet I still fight it.

I KNOW He has infinite wisdom & can impart it to me to help guide me in decisions, etc.

I KNOW He has limitless resources & can fulfill a need if I but ask, when seeking to live for Him.

I KNOW He created me & all things & is limitless, infinite, Almighty God.

And yet, I still cling to everything else right in front of me for what makes me most comfortable.

Trusting God with the unknown is scary, but living in fear is no real way to live when God offers us His perfect love to cast out that paralyzing fear.

Embrace Your Weaknesses As Reminders to Turn to Him for Help

I am learning (to try) to embrace feeling uncomfortable. Instead of freezing up or avoiding it altogether, I am learning to just stop & ask God for help in accomplishing it.

Here is an example of how I cling to Him in my urge to avoid discomfort:

“God, I don’t feel like doing my blog today. I know I am being lazy & just trying to get out of doing work so I can relax & avoid anything uncomfortable, but I still feel like ditching it for tv binge watching instead. I know that You put this blog on my heart as a way to encourage others toward the hope that can only be found in You, but I want lazy! Please help me adjust my attitude because I can’t seem to do it. Please help give me words of encouragement to point to You. Please motivate & encourage me. Help me get over this hump. I know You are infinitely more powerful than me. I know Your wisdom has no end. So please help me. Help me to honor You through this & help me to trust You when it’s easier to quit. AMEN.

Reaching Our Limits Leads Us to Need & Rely on HIM

It’s okay to reach the end of yourself. Every human is limited. Every human struggles with clinging to comfort.

But God is bigger than us. He can help us with His strength as we lean into Him.

So, lean into Him.

Learn to be comfortable in the discomfort, knowing that it is simply a reminder that He is right there, willing & able to help you live for Him & to live in a way that honors Him & brings Him glory.

Because He is enough. Always. 100%.

And here I am finishing my post for this week. NOT because I am a super self-motivated, self-disciplined person, but because I took my lazy, ready-to-quit attitude to Him & asked for His help.

Shine Hope by not shying away from (AKA avoiding) discomfort, but by facing it in HIS strength, wisdom, & power through asking for HIS HELP.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Petal Necklace (& Petal Stud Earrings)

This cubic zirconia floral pendant hangs from an antique golden chain and pairs perfectly with the Petal Stud Earrings.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

I Understand When… 

Wow, that’s quite a statement, isn’t it? “Obeying God, even when we don’t believe Him?”

Now, I get obeying Him when it comes to serving the poor, being gentle & gracious to others, etc. etc. flowers & rainbows.

I even get obeying Him when it’s hard, but when I can also see it being necessary, like surrendering my stress & trials to Him instead of attempting to do it myself….

It may take me some time, but I can wrap my mind around & accept obeying Him in those situations & on those terms.

But…

As humans, it is our nature to assess the world around us & to consequently establish judgements about what we believe in or what we should do about a certain situation… And act accordingly.

But God asks us to obey Him, even when we DON’T believe Him.

That right there is quite the challenge for me (& that’s putting it lightly).

We (or maybe it’s just me) like to pick out the verses that sound great to us… or those that benefit us… or those that make sense to us… & the rest… well, we sometimes, maybe neglect those completely.

Candy Bowl of Goodness

It’s easy to picture God’s Word as a candy bowl, an analogy I read recently, where we pick out the pieces that look good to us & sort of avoid the rest.

But God’s Word can be trusted through & through. Not because it makes sense to us & not even because we necessarily have to agree with all of it… But because it’s GOD’S WORD.

As the Creator of the Universe (including us, by the way), Lord of lords, King of Kings, Alpha (beginning) & the Omega (end)… He knows what He’s talking about.

And we don’t always have to “get it” for it to still be the Word of God.

Not a Genie… but, GOD

He offers so many promises of blessings, including the free gift of salvation & redemption of our wrongs, but He is still God… not our genie.

I am sure my Mom will be quick to tell you that I am a stubborn person & quite strong-willed, in most cases, (mothering me was quite the task, wasn’t it, Mom? Phew!) & I don’t like supporting or doing anything that goes against what I feel is right or fair… or what I want, to be frank.

But even when we DON’T believe Him & when we can’t seem to agree with Him, God still asks us to obey Him anyway.

That right there is one tough pill to swallow & it has been one of this biggest causes for rifts in my relationship with God.

Quick Detour

Now don’t get me wrong, God doesn’t want us to be blindly following Him as the dictator over our lives, never allowing us to question or doubt. He understands that we are finite in our understanding. He understands questions.

So ask them.

If you don’t understand why God says a certain thing, ask Him for wisdom & insight. Ask Him to teach you how to trust Him.

He can handle it.

But it’s not okay to just do what we want just because we don’t understand, without bothering to bow before Him & ask for wisdom & understanding of His will–because He is still God, & we are not.

There is so much I DO love about what God’s Word teaches us, though, without a doubt….

What I Love

I love that He forgives. I love that He is patient with me & He loves me. I love that He gives us a new beginning & works to see our potential blossom for His glory. I love that He offers us so much help & security & peace when we turn to Him in trials. I love that He offers abundant life & an opportunity to guide us into a life of blessing others each day. I love His never-ending patience with my stubborn heart.

I love all of those things!

But, Again…

But… I don’t really like obeying things on which I cannot put my own personal stamp of approval or understanding.

I like to read His Word, match it against all of my earthly, limited understanding about the world, & then decide for myself which I should obey or ignore.

Because I obviously know way better than God does.

Wait….

Ouch

Yeah, it sounds stupid when I say it like that… but isn’t that what I am essentially saying, when I pick & choose my “Choose My Own Religion” concepts to either obey or discard?

To have this abundant life that He promises… To see the potential that He uniquely created within each of us… To really be a blessing & a light to the world around us, we have to stop picking & choosing what we want to obey in God’s Word.

His Word comes as a package deal. It is not meant for snacking on the sweet sections that we like, but rather, the Bible is written as a well-rounded meal meant to nourish & sustain us.

Applies to Everything

I am not going to get into specific areas that people tend to use this method of picking & choosing what they either obey or toss out of God’s Word, because that will probably cause more dissention than edification…

But I think we can all think of one or MANY areas where we tend to do this… (Let’s just focus on ourselves for this, because we can’t parent everyone else.)

When we are faced with those types of situations, it is important for us to be “slow to speak & quick to listen” (James 1:19).

Slow to Speak, Quick to Listen

Many people take this verse to mean that we should be patient with others & become good listeners… But I heard one leader describe it this way (to paraphrase):

“When God asks us to be slow to speak & quick to listen, He is asking us to be careful about speaking up for God. We tend to get fired up about topics & we want to spew what we know about God back at them as a counter argument. But God is complex. His ways our higher than ours. And while we shouldn’t neglect speaking up for Truth, we should be careful in speaking to a specific situation, in God’s name. Unless you see outright harm being done to another person, we need to take the time to step back & ask God to shine wisdom on the situation & to show you the best course of action for that specific situation & even to give you tact & wisdom to know how to respond in a right & effective way. Because while we may think we know & understand a lot, we don’t know or understand everything… Give God a chance to lead the situation with His higher wisdom, for His higher purposes.”

That right there. I need that advice. A LOT.

God’s Got This

Because I may think I know a lot, but I do not understand everything.

But God does.

So, when we are met with a frustrating situation or an injustice or wanting to stand up for what we passionately believe is right… We need to learn the wisdom of stepping back, kneeling in prayer, & asking God to shine His wisdom & Truth into our hearts so that we can address the situation in a way that honors God & respects the situation from angles you may not understand.

God is enough, Lovely. We may not understand everything, but that’s okay because God does & He is fully worthy of our trust & obedience.

In Everything, for Our Good

I read a verse yesterday that really spoke to this Truth:

“Now if we are afflicted, it is for your comfort & salvation, which is effective for enduring the same sufferings which we also suffer. Or if we are comforted, it is for your comfort and salvation.” (2 Corinthians 1:6)

You see, whether we are facing something difficult or whether we are comforted, God intends it all for our good.

He can be trusted whether we agree with or understand Him… or not, because He is a Good God. And even if we struggle believing that, He is still God & He knows how He designed this world to work best.

So entrust your worries & frustrations & injustices to Him & ask for His wisdom & grace to be poured into the situation, instead of agonizing over how you believe it should work.

Ask Him

And when you come across something in the Bible that you don’t understand or agree with, ask Him to help you understand it. Ask Him to give you wisdom. Ask Him to give you faith, even when yours might feel miniscule.

Because God is enough to fill in the gaps of misunderstandings & shortcomings. And He is enough to know what is the right way, even when we don’t always understand or think we agree.

Just Trust… & Obey.

Shine Hope, Lovely… Wherever God has you in life right now… Shine HOPE.

Coming Next Week

Check back here this Thursday for our Monthly Special Feature post (every last Thursday of the month), where I share something a little different than usual.

I like to share helpful tips & tricks, share about my life in Japan, & write short stories & poems… & this is a fun way that I can share them with you & allow you to see a different part of me. I hope you enjoy!

ALSO, join me Next Monday morning for my next encouraging blog post & make sure you subscribe so you don’t miss it!!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Jeweled Necklace

Empowering women out of poverty, in India!

Wear this necklace long or doubled. Made out of iron wire, glass beads, and nickel-free plating.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write and grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children and send them to school! You have the opportunity to end poverty and create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece and empower a woman in India!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE, Lovely!

(*This is Part 2/2 of a Special Feature Short Story, called “Falling.” Check out Part 1/2, here!*)

******************

Having been awake for three days & having eaten what I soon discovered was rabbit meat (not my favorite, by the way), I was starting to feel a little more alert & a little more safe.

But as the initial fears of immediate danger & hunger wore off, I began to fear something even greater—the loss of my husband.

My husband wasn’t on that flight with me, but the thoughts that must be going through his mind right now sent my emotions flaring.

I wanted to call him or contact him in some way, to let him know I was okay. I wanted to hold him & reassure him. I wanted to continue with the life we had planned together.

But I couldn’t.

And because I couldn’t, I needed to do my best to figure out how to survive this new environment… this new life.

This could be the new rest of my life….

I thought over what I had learned in the last few days of being awake.

I have learned that we have no way to communicate with the rest of the world, to let them know we are alive. I have learned that we are on some sort of abandoned island that looks to have once been fully inhabited. I have learned how to start a fire & how to cook good ol’ rabbit meat (bleh).

The building I initially woke up in was indeed a hospital… one that was abandoned a LONG time ago, by the looks of the overgrowth & overall dirtiness of the place. It was covered in vines, moss, & mildew.

There was still, surprisingly, some equipment left in storage containers. But everything else looked old & grimy, for the most part—except the beds, which looked only mildly dirty & dusty.

The only other building we have found was a dormitory-type building directly across from the hospital. Everyone had been assigned to rooms, keeping women with the children & able-bodied men close to the exits, in case whoever once inhabited this place (or anyone else who could be “unfriendlies”, for that matter), were to try to get in.

Other than room assignments, the camp was complete chaos. Everyone was fighting over anything they found. People were either crying, arguing, or avoiding the rest of us. Bickering was everywhere. Some were power hungry, some were just plain hungry, & most of us were just scared, to be honest.

Something in me just couldn’t take the sight of this. Looking around & seeing our only chance for survival—working together—just being tossed out because of fear. The whole situation equally angered & disheartened me.

There were only about 40 of us left, including some children.… We could not afford to be so divisive & hurtful & defensive. We needed to work together, but I was too shy to say anything, & something about waking up late to the party, made me feel less than qualified to say anything at all.

So I had kept pretty quiet around camp. Hopefully someone will help make sense of this mess before things get even worse for us.

Then I heard it… a gunshot.

We have guns here?!?

Everyone scattered & screamed & covered their ears.

I saw the culprit & noticed two things right away: One, they were standing fairly close to me, facing the opposite direction, & two, I realized they had only shot a warning shot to threaten someone else.

Realizing how close they were, my fight instinct finally (Finally!) decided to kick in & everything happened in a blur as I came up from behind them & knocked the gun out of their hand… not the smartest move, but it was instinct to act fast.

Once the gun fell to the ground, & I realized there was no immediate threat, I lost it.

“SHUT UP! EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP!

WHY ARE WE ALL FIGHTING WITH EACH OTHER? DON’T YOU ALL SEE THAT WE NEED EACH OTHER TO SURVIVE?!!

STOP FIGHTING. STOP GIVING UP! WORK TOGETHER!!!

YOU—Go form a search party for more wood!

YOU—Organize a search party to look for debris & other passengers we might have missed!

YOU—Assemble a hunting party to make sure we have sufficient food!

YOU—Find a team to secure water holes nearby!

EVERYONE STOP PITTING YOURSELVES AGAINST EACH OTHER & TEAM UP TO WORK TOGETHER. OUR LIVES DEPEND ON IT!! GO!!!”

Everyone stared at me with shock & wide eyes.

Having been the quiet “coma girl” up to this point, no one quite knew how to respond to that, until one gentlemen stood up & yelled, “WELL, YOU HEARD THE WOMAN! GO!!!”

He looked at me & nodded.

That did the trick. Everyone scampered off & began electing team members to their assigned tasks.
I just stood there, in awe myself, unbelieving that those words had ever come out of my mouth in the first place.

******************

Several weeks later, I now sat in the passenger side of a rundown pickup that some mechanic, the current driver of said vehicle, had found randomly in the overgrowth & had worked it back to life with supplies he found at our camp, aka the abandoned hospital.

Staring outside at the lush greenery as the truck bounced along the rocky dirt, makeshift road, I thought about how I got here. I still wasn’t confident in the new position of “camp leader,” but because I had been the only one bold enough to take a stand (more like fed up & desperate enough), I was given the title whether I liked it or not.

Several of the more influential people in the group handled any naysayers for me, by reminding them that I had been the one to bring the camp together. No one else really wanted the responsibility of keeping everyone sane & happy anyway.

I reluctantly accepted this role, for the mere hopes that we could avoid any more fights or injuries (or deaths). I just wanted us to survive… & to not have to live in fear for our lives every waking moment.

As the pickup truck bounced down the road, I glanced out the dirty windows, amazed at the view before me of our small group of airplane-crashed colonists paving the way for our survival.

I wondered at our luck to even find this truck, abandoned in the woods. We had little fuel available, but it was quite handy in hauling heavy wood for building new structures & for expanding our camp.

The driver’s name was Fred (AKA the mechanic who got this truck running). He was a nice guy, Fred, & I remembered again with appreciation that day he had shouted back at the crowd to get themselves together after my little (big?) outburst that day.

I was lucky to have friends like him, whom I felt I could trust.

But part of that made me ache to my core. I felt guilty for feeling contentment when my loving husband was probably mourning my death, after a funeral he most likely held already. I ached for my family & my friends. I wanted to hug them & shower them in kisses & reassurance & love.

I wanted us to all be together again. A family reunited.

The pain caught in my throat like a heavy lump as I watched the forest go by on this bumpy road, through the woods.

Fred noticed.

“You’re thinking about your family & friends again, huh? It’s hard for me to focus any energy on that because it just kicks me in the gut.”

“Yeah. I can’t help it.” I fought back tears. (Why is it always harder to keep from crying when you talk about your pain out loud?)

“I’m always here for you if you need a friend. Don’t forget that.” He reached over & gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze, keeping his eyes on the narrow, uneven road.

And I knew he meant it. He had made it clear that he in no way wanted to replace my husband, in case we ever could be reunited, but he also wasn’t shy about expressing a fondness for me. He had said several times that he admired my ability to get everyone working together & my compassion for the hurting ones here (which was all of us, really).

It was a little harder for Fred to understand, not having left a wife behind, but his heart hurt for me & a part of both of us realized the harsh reality of the little chance we had of being reunited with our families ever again.

Fred didn’t want to live in the misery. He wanted to start fresh after having been stuck here for a little over a month with no word from the outside world.

He wanted to move on & marry me & start a new life here. He was sensitive to my hope, though, & never pushed me on the point.

But I wasn’t ready to give up. I couldn’t. If there was even a chance to run into my husband’s arms again, I wanted to be ready & open to do so. I loved him. He was my person. I couldn’t give up.

But ache burned in my chest because I knew, logically, that may never happen. I knew he was probably mourning my loss. I knew he was a great catch & that any woman would be lucky to have him by her side. I knew that it wouldn’t be long before he let himself love a woman like that again, even if it took a few years. I knew all of that.

But I just couldn’t let go. I couldn’t.

I also knew that Fred was a steady guy. He was kind & honest & ready to face each day with hard work & diligence, always ready to jump in & help someone else. I admired him as a wonderful friend.

I hid my face by turning to look out the window even further as a tear rolled down my cheek. I never wanted to be faced with this type of decision & I would do whatever I had to, to hold off forever from making it. I will wait for my love.

But would he wait for me? What if he remarried? And I wanted kids. Should I give up on that dream & potentially die here on this island alone and having never raised a family? How long is too long to wait? Is it ever okay to move on? How could I? What if he waited for me? What if he didn’t?

Questions swirled through my mind, making the tears run faster, but one thing was certain. God had kept us alive & He was making a way for us. He would have to help quiet my heart & guide my steps. He would show me the way.

Because even if we didn’t, God did have a plan.

******************

Then, my eyes opened….

I was in my bed.

The sound of my husband’s steady breathing coming from his sleeping form beside me.

I blinked against the darkness.

It was… a dream…?

So vivid. So real. But a dream?

I get choked up at the questions that had been swirling through my head just moments before, & I thank God that they were all only in a dream.

I thank God for the man sleeping soundly next to me, as I lay there, thinking through those hard questions that had just plagued me moments ago…

As I drift back into sound, peaceful sleep, I smile a sigh of relief as the dream fades & a new one fills its place….

Coming Next Week:

Thank you all for tuning into Part 2/2 of my recent short story, “Falling.” This story was inspired by an actual dream I once had. The question was still difficult to wake up to, but I was thankful to find it all a dream. I hope you enjoyed the adventure!

Check out “Falling”-Part 1/2, here!

Make sure to check back on Monday to see the introduction to our next set of topics!

A Note from Michelle:

If you want to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” & “Hope is Found” pages, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Charisma Bracelet

Representing Woman Artisans in India!

This bracelet has lavender and light pink suede, threaded with faceted gold colored beads.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, and receive education and healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece and empower a woman in India!

(*Also featuring the Lyla Pearl Necklace & Empire Earrings.*)

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE, Lovely!