Undeserved
Have you ever stopped to consider just how little we deserve grace?
I know it’s hard for me to consider this fact because it is so easy to only consider my intentions & to always try to look at myself in a more positive light.
Pretty Good on the Outside, But…
When I was young, I got pretty good at keeping up appearances & trying to be the golden child who knew all the right answers. I still thrive on praise & once I figured that out, it became my goal to have people like me.
I thought being “good” was enough.
And even now, as an adult, I find it easy to consider the few accolades I receive & just bury the negative aspects of myself, pretending they don’t exist.
God Sees & God Knows
But those negative things about me do exist. And God sees every selfish decision, every refusal to run to Him for help, thus doing it my way, the wrong way. God sees it all. Every secret & every blemish that I try so hard to act as if it doesn’t exist.
Until I Face Hardship… Then It REALLY Shows
But when I am faced with something difficult, frustrating, &/or painful, those negative sides of me seem to shine beyond anything I can hide from myself.
Satan used to convince me that those less-than-appealing moments meant that I wasn’t really saved by God’s grace… that I obviously didn’t prove myself good enough.
But over the years of struggling through those fears & accusations, God has encouraged me with one very beautiful fact… Thank God, God’s grace is for everyone. And it’s NOT based on ME.
I Am NOT Good Enough… & Yet…
Me, even me, in all of my mess, a girl who could never earn the grace God offers, is offered it all the same.
You see, there is actually NOTHING I can do to earn it. Even in all of my good intentions, focusing hard on the accolades I receive & focusing just as hard on ignoring or justifying the not-so-pretty parts… I cannot even begin to earn it. And neither can you.
And that, Beautiful, is the most magnificently, spectacularly amazing fact that we can cling to in our darkest moments. We CAN’T earn it!
In the Beginning… God KNEW
Going back to before time began, God planned & designed humanity, the world, & all that is in it. And in that plan, before creation began, He KNEW we would betray Him, rebel, & have those negative aspects hidden from the world. He KNEW.
And yet, instead of saying, “You know what—they’re not worth it,” INSTEAD, He said, “So God created mankind in His own image. In the image of God, He created them; male & female He created them.” (Genesis 1:27) & “For God SO LOVED the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting LIFE.” (John 3:16)
He had a plan. A plan for our rescue. A plan for our redemption.
A plan of GRACE.
He Knew… He Planned… HE Rescued
“But God proves His love for us in that WHILE we were still sinners, Christ died FOR us.” (Romans 5:8) (Emphasis mine.)
He knew I would be this way, with my stubborn, selfish attitude, bent on gaining praise & maintaining comfort. He knew where my personal struggles would be.
And YET, He sent Jesus for me. And for YOU.
When I Tested Positive
I know, for me, it’s easy to forget all of this stuff about God’s grace. It’s easy to take for granted this beautiful gift.
And then, when I return from a trip, destined for 2 weeks of required home quarantine before getting covid-19 tested on day 10, only to then test positive & immediately get forced out of my home, away from my husband, into an isolation tower for an extra week… only to arrive at the end of my quarantine, waiting for the call that I am authorized for the release, all packed & ready to head home finally… to be told they made a mistake & decided to keep me ANOTHER EXTRA week in isolation (this time allowing me to actually be with my husband, just unable to ever leave our isolation apartment)…. After ALL of that, I spent my first day of our FOURTH isolation week in a complete feeling of just plain DEFEAT.
I cried before even calling my husband with the news, knowing we would be excited to finally see each other again, but also knowing I was meant to be on my way HOME & able to cook & take care of the both of us without relying on the generous kindness of our friends. (THANK YOU, FRIENDS!!!!)
Defeated
And I did NOT feel gracious. I felt bitter.
I felt defeated.
I stayed in bed most of that first day of my fourth week, having just moved, NOT home, but next door to where my husband was isolated (he tested positive a week after I did), in shock that my “guaranteed” release was really not so guaranteed after all. I felt too defeated to try to pass time pleasantly.
I just wanted to sleep the next week away, sedated, numb, & unaware that I was still STUCK there.
I Knew God Could Help Me… But I Didn’t WANT It
And in those moments of wretched bitterness & just numb lack of care about anything… I knew I could turn to God. I KNEW He could help me.
But I didn’t WANT it. I WANTED to feel bitter & angry, as if this whole mess of a process DESERVED my bitterness.
I wanted to write angry letters & be rude & give them a piece of my mind for tossing about my hope & kicking it to the curb. I was MAD. And TIRED of the whole mess.
My Weaknesses Awaken My Awareness of God’s GRACE
And I knew in my heart that I was behaving with a terrible attitude & refusing God, turning my back on Him in my anger.
And eventually, my heart began to ache in recognizing my own stubborn selfishness. My heart began to recall the lavished grace of God in contrast to me spitting my stubborn anger back at Him.
And God’s GRACE began to trickle into my heart like a shining beacon of HOPE. That even when I deserve it LEAST. Even when I am stubborn & rude. EVEN when I INSIST on a nasty attitude toward someone… And even though God sees it ALL…. There is His grace.
Not I, But CHRIST
He didn’t ask me to prove myself. He didn’t ask me to be perfect first. He didn’t ask me to show a good enough track record. He didn’t even give me a single chance at any of that… because HE HAD ALREADY PAID FOR IT IN FULL.
He didn’t shame me for my shameful behavior, He just whispered His grace into my restless, frustrated heart, reminding my hurting heart of His great love for me in the midst of my aching, pained frustration.
That’s how much He loves me. And YOU.
God Loves Us, Even At Our Worst… & Even Our Worst Enemy
And that’s why He asks us to extend grace, UNDESERVED GRACE, to others, too. Because He wants us to remember that THAT is how much He loves every single human being on earth today, eternity past, & eternity future.
But not only does He GIVE us grace… & not only does He ask us to remember His great love for every person, meaning He wishes US to extend grace to THEM… BUT, He ALSO offers His help to do it.
Guys, this blows my mind.
God’s Love Isn’t Limited by How Much We “Deserve” It
When I am filled with anger & resentment & frustration & I am stubbornly clinging to it, unwilling to relinquish my feelings toward those who wrong or hurt me… I can ASK God to help me give grace.
Because God loves that person, too.
Because God loves me.
God Cares for Us
And sitting in my room, cross-legged on my impossibly hard mattress in my isolation tower for the FOURTH week of isolation from the outside world, hands in my lap, staring blankly at the wall in defeat… I hear that whisper across my heart, “Give them grace, Michelle. And ask Me for help because I will help you do what feels impossible to you right now.”
And after hours of fighting against that whisper, stubbornly wanting to cling to my bitterness… I sigh. I release the wall I was building… And I ask Him to help me get through & to help me be gracious in my frustrating situation.
And He did.
Again… Not I, But Christ
I am by NO means the one you need. I can’t offer you any hope. I am just a person, frail & flawed like you.
But God is higher than me. He is greater than you.
And His love & grace are higher still.
Thank GOD, God’s grace is for EVERYONE.
Even me.
It’s Not About You, But HIM
(“Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe. Sin had left a crimson stain-He washed it white as snow.” Click the link to hear the song & let the beautiful truth of its words wash over you.)
It’s not about the bad or wrong you’ve done… the past you regret or hide… or about any of the negatives you try to justify or cover up in yourself.
It’s not about good you’ve done… the accolades & praise you get… or about anything you try to shine relentlessly to prove yourself.
Jesus Paid It All… All to Him I Owe
It’s about a Man, God in flesh, whose plan ALL ALONG was to provide our rescue & redemption. A free gift bought with His life… that He offered willingly to save you.
It’s about a Man named JESUS CHRIST & how He resurrected after death, claiming victory over both our SIN & the despair of death.
It’s about Jesus offering His nail-pierced hands to us & saying, “For God so loved the world [that means YOU] SO MUCH that He sent [Me-Jesus Christ], His only begotten Son, to die willingly on your behalf (while you were still a sinner) that if you but BELIEVE on Me, you will not live a life of death, but will live life abundantly & with a promise of abundant life everlasting.” (Paraphrase. See John 3:16, Romans 5:8, John 10:10, & Matthew 16:25)
Thank God, God’s Grace Is for Everyone!
This is a call to remember that God’s grace is for everyone.
God’s grace is for me.
God’s grace is for you.
And God’s grace is even for the person(s) you feel are LEAST deserving… Because God loves them, too.
God’s Got Me
Humble yourself before His GREAT love for you. Extend that same great love to others. And ask for God’s help in living for Him, His way, trusting Him EVERY step of the way—even if you get stuck in isolation with Covid for FOUR weeks, to include your birthday & Thanksgiving.
God has a plan. Even in that. And I will yet praise Him because I know He’s got me.
And I will take that deep sigh… & ask God to help me release the bitterness & embrace GRACE.
Shine hope by receiving God’s grace & extending it to others (with God’s help, of course), darling. It’s totally worth it.
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
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A Note from Michelle:
This blog/website has been running for over TWO years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
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Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Mirage Earrings
With just a touch of glimmer these earrings are fun and easy to wear.
Artisan Information:
In Asia, poverty leads many women to being sexually exploited in brothels. These women want to provide for their families but have so few options. Through your purchase, women are being rescued from these brothels & rehabilitated. Holistic care is given to these women, including a shelter, job training, healthcare, counseling, & educational grants for artisans & their children. You can help these women experience restoration for their future!
How You Can Help:
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
