Trying to Find My Place

Have you ever felt like you don’t measure up to anyone else’s expectations?

Do you ever feel like the oddball? Or is it just me…?

Maybe you feel too loud… or too quiet.

Maybe your interests don’t seem to line up with anyone else’s & you feel like you don’t quite “fit in” anywhere?

Maybe you never were that good at sports or maybe you lack a green thumb or maybe your craft DIY projects look more like a 3-year old who got into the craft supplies.

Maybe everyone else seems to mingle with ease, while you stuff your face with whatever food they have to offer, sitting as far away from the awkward social interactions as possible. (*coughdonethatcough*)

Have you ever felt like the “ugly duckling” of the group? Like you don’t fit in & don’t measure up & just don’t belong anywhere?

I have. Oh, I have.

I grew up feeling super shy. I know, some of you may not believe that, but boy is it true!

I was so desperate to fit in & “belong.”

“Do You Like Me? Check Yes or No.”

I remember being in 4^th grade & I felt so ashamed that I didn’t have a crush on anyone because that seemed to be the talk of every girl on the playground, so I picked a guy at random whom I thought was cute & would “gush” about him so I would feel part of the normal girl crowd.

Lame, I know.

Don’t worry… On the last day of school, since I no longer would have a playground circle of girls discussing their current crushes… I wrote him a note that said I decided I didn’t like him anymore.

OUCH, I know… but honestly, I think he was probably quite relieved because boy were my “love” notes LAME. “Do you like me? Check yes or no.” He ALWAYS checked NO… or more like circled it several times, highlighted it, & drew several arrows toward it. (Okay, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration, but sadly too close to reality, haha.)

My Super Power Is Being Socially Awkward

Maybe you’re thinking, “Well Michelle, that was 4th grade. EVERYONE was awkward at that age.” Well, I wish I could say it stopped back then.

It’s ridiculous the things we can do to be liked, isn’t it? And trust me, the examples of mine did NOT end in 4^th grade, although I REALLY wish I could honestly say that they did.

A majority of my most embarrassing moments, which I can usually laugh about now, were due to me just trying too dang hard to be liked by everyone else.

“Please Like Me!!”

Even my dating years consisted of me trying tirelessly to be the “perfect” girlfriend while trying to NEVER assert my own opinions or feelings, afraid to be considered too much of a burden.

I kept my real self locked away & I tried to be everything they could ever want: flirty, fun, supportive, good listener, funny, laughing at their jokes, agreeing with everything, trying to match my interests to theirs, wanting so badly to just be accepted & wanted, not realizing I wasn’t even giving them a fair chance to do so, locking the real me away.

The silly things we do to be loved. And wanted.

Trying Too Hard

I used to hear things about God’s love for me & never really got it. I would hear that my “identity is in Him & not in me trying to be enough.” I didn’t know what that meant either.

A majority of my life can be summed up by me trying to be what I thought everyone wanted or expected from me… always feeling like I never quite got it right.

Basically, the phrase “trying too hard” was an accurate summary of my life.

It makes people uncomfortable when they can tell you’re trying too hard. And yet, I didn’t feel I was good enough on my own & was always over-compensating.

The Things We Do to be Liked

Maybe you read this & think, “Michelle, you are exaggerating… I have NEVER felt this way about you!” Well, thanks for lying… haha… but really, some of you may be thinking, “Oh yeah, I definitely have gotten that vibe from you. This explains so much.”

But, while I still struggle with insecurity & feeling like I fit in sometimes, I have grown SO MUCH in this area because of one beautiful & simple thing… I started understanding those 2 things I mentioned about God & how that impacts where I “FIT.”

Where We Stand with God

I think a lot of us who grow up in church take for granted “churchy” phrases they may have heard their whole lives, while never really grasping their significance or even their meaning, while those who don’t know Jesus just have no clue, period.

So, let’s take some time to hopefully remind us all, including awkward, lovely me, where we stand with God… to hopefully help us overcome this strong, pulling desire to be liked, wanted, & to fit in with those around us.

How Do We KNOW God Loves Us?

Let’s start at the beginning… the before-the-world-even-BEGAN, beginning. Our Alpha & Omega God.

God knew He was going to make you even then. He knew all the ways you would fail, in the small & big things. He knew. And yet, not only did His plan to make you remain, but He also made sure there would be a plan in place, through Jesus coming to die on our behalf & rise again victorious, to make you right before God again & restore that relationship FOR you. Our Creator, Redeemer God.

Then He made Earth, full of beauty & all you would need to survive, sustaining you & helping you to live a life of JOY. Beautiful sights to behold: sunsets, waterfalls, flowers, animals, stars, oceans, mountains, fish, birds… Smells that delight the senses… Textures that comfort, relax, refresh, invigorate… Sounds that soothe, uplift, encourage, comfort, surprise… Tastes that make you mmmmmmmm. He made all that possible for you to enjoy. Yes, it is broken by sin, but there is still SO MUCH beauty to enjoy. Our Wise, Creative & Lavishing-of-Love God.

How Do We Determine Our TRUE Identity?

Then He made YOU, individual, unique, crafted by hand, knit together in your mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13-16), designed by GOD. He made not only humanity, but YOU… specifically YOU. Your identity is wrapped up in the fact that He made you with a design & a purpose that He worked out for you ahead of time & that you will discover more as you lean into His guidance & lead… Our Creator & Father God.

AND, He sent Jesus to die on your behalf, before you were even born, so that when you realized your need for Him, He would be ready with open arms to welcome you home… Jesus having paid the price of your rebellion & mistakes & all you have to do is ACCEPT that gift to you. Your identity is wrapped up in His grace for you, paying your debt & making you whole once more. Our Redeemer, Rescuer God.

With You Every Step of Life

AND, He had the Bible written for you. His Word. To us. Instructions, advice, & a story laced throughout with love & redemption for a people prone to wander. A people like you & me. His grace is His message (John 11:25). We can TRUST His Word & OBEY it because it was ALL meant to show us what is the BEST of life. A life lived with trusting love for our All-Knowing, All-Wise, LOVING God.

AND, He doesn’t stop there. He HELPS you with that plan He has just for you… your unique story, written by God. He offers His GRACE. He offers His wisdom & strength & hope & peace & love & joy & guidance & He makes a way. He is MASTER of the IMPOSSIBLE. He turns ashes to beauty (Isaiah 61:3) & He works ALL THINGS together for the GOOD of those who love Him & are trusting His way (Romans 8:28). Our Author, Sustainer, Helping God.

The Grand Splendor Awaits!

And when you die, if you have but accepted God’s fully paid for grace, through Jesus’ sacrifice on your behalf, you are welcomed with OPEN ARMS into a place called Heaven, where there is no more death, no more tears, & no more sadness or grief (Revelation 21:4). A place full of wonder & awe, praising this all-powerful God who loves us so incredibly much. Our King of kings, Lord of lords GOD.

And that is why you can accept His love for you & trust that He’s got you. Because it’s not based at all on whether you are good enough, but that HE IS.

Far Beyond Understanding, But Fulfilling Beyond Words

He LOVES you beyond anything we can ever understanding & so far outside anything another person could try to mimic. He sees you completely, past & present, hidden & revealed, pride & shame, EVERYTHING… & He says, “I love you. Come to me.”

How much FREEDOM this gives us! Hallelujah!

I don’t have to be what I think others want of me… I just have to be who God MADE me to be… & if I don’t know what that is because my whole perception of myself is built up around what others have expected or told me… trauma & fears… & all my mistakes… I (& you) can go to Him & ASK HIM.

Asking God How HE Made Me

“God, I don’t know how you made me, to be honest. This person says I need to be like this & culture says I need to be like that. Friends all do this & society seems to believe this… I don’t know what’s true about me anymore. I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM. God, please show me. If You MADE me, then ONLY YOU would really know who I am & who I am meant to be. Help me sift through the lies. Help me to see the truth… Your design. Help me know how to trust You. Help me see the me You made me to be. I am tired of always trying to live up to everything. It’s exhausting & confusing & feels so fake. Help me know the truth. Set me free from expectations. Help me have the confidence to stand on who YOU say I am & not need anyone or anything else to define me or give me my worth. Help me, please, Father, Creator, Loving GOD. Help me. I love you. AMEN.”

I prayed that more times than I can count growing up. I got so tired of the game to fit in. I didn’t know who I was. I was lost & tired of holding up the façade I thought others expected from me.

I URGE YOU… pray similarly. If you have resonated with a single thing I’ve said today… pray that prayer.

His Word & Design Trump ALL ELSE

Let HIM shape you. Let HIS design define you. Let HIS love for you, a love that could never be used up or exhausted, let it FILL YOU.

You don’t need to impress me because the God who made you is so overwhelmed with love for you that He made you, knowing you’d leave Him, set a plan in place to redeem you, & has a story written singularly just for you, WITH HIS HELP as you lean into Him, all wrapped in His love, strength, hope, joy, grace, wisdom, understanding, & power.

He’s got you, babe. Oh, how He’s got you!

Stand in Confidence!

Let Him love you & then shine His grace to this hurting, bleeding world. It’s THE most valuable use of life to shout the praises of the One who made the world, saved the world, & loves it in His infinite grace, welcoming us all to come & accept His beautiful design & to dismiss the rest of that mess in which we tend to cling to so tightly.

He’s got you.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

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A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for over TWO years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

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Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Bombolulu Earrings from Kenya

These hammered earrings are made from heavy-gauged metal.

Artisan Information:

In Kenya, where many people struggle with starvation & poverty, the women we partner with are defying the odds! Your purchase empowers these women to earn an income, overcome physical disabilities, & become important parts of their communities!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Kenya!

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions allow me to continue encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!