I Felt Too Stubborn to Live How God Asked of Me–I Thought It Was Impossible, Honestly
I grew up as a Christian since I was 5, but that doesn’t mean I have all the answers, that I always eagerly do as I ought, or that I am always living pleasing to God or for His glory. I have a long ways to go still. A forever work in progress, if you will.
And this question was always one that haunted me growing up, even up until recent years—How can I make my heart what it is not?
I can’t make myself eager to sit & read long, boring chapters of the Bible, so how can I “read the Bible in a year”? (Which I also realized is not God’s standard, just a human made tool to help you read consistently… but was NOT where I needed to start… I just needed to START at all.)
I can’t make myself focus when I am too distracted or busy.
I can’t make myself want what I don’t want.
Am I supposed to force it? Pretend? Be fake?
How am I supposed to be authentic & real while also living a way I feel like I have to force from myself to make happen?
They Must Just Have “What It Takes” to Serve God That Way…
For example, I felt that people who led ministries or those whose stories are told of in the Bible—they must just “have what it takes” or are just special in some way, like chosen by God to be special enough to do those things, where I just do not.
Well, the trickle of understanding of that being a lie came in my early 20s when I read Authentic Beauty, by Leslie Ludy.
That God would actually equip & prepare you for what He needs you to do–that He doesn’t leave you to figure it out & find a way.
Then came Prayer, a compilation of books by Andrew Murray, where the author repeatedly pointed out that much of the commands given by God in the Bible are followed by one little key phrase we tend to not talk about enough: “in faith,” by faith,” “through faith,” or “by God,” “through God”… & other wording that tells us Who the One helping us make it happen is—God Himself.
Because “in faith”… in what/who? “By faith”… in what/who? “Through faith”… in what/who? RIGHT THERE God is telling us that it will not come naturally to us & not to expect it to!
To WILL & to Do
There is also a cool little verse that I quote to myself whenever I feel the “I REEEAAALLLLY don’t want to do that, God” attitude coming on….
“… for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.” (Philippians 2:13)
BOTH to WILL & to do. Isn’t that AMAZING? He even promises to help grow us in the WILL to do something our fear, insecurities, laziness, anxiety, lack of habit, etc. fleshiness makes us want to run from or avoid! PRAISE GOD!
And THEN, read the Bible, my friend. I talk about this often, but… Do all of those whose stories are written about in the Bible always make the right choices or do the right things? Are they anything special in & of themselves if you really look at their whole history? NO.
“But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty;….” (1 Corinthians 1:27)
He doesn’t need you to be a “prime” Bible Study teacher, leader, volunteer, one who shares their testimony, etc. He needs someone willing to say, “Yes, Lord, Your will be done in & through me. Only, do the work through me.” He will grow you where you need to be & provide what you need to get there. He will be the supply.
God Uses… a Willing Heart
Do you know what criteria God DOES use? A willing heart. Someone willing to say, “I don’t know how. I don’t know if I’m good enough to pick…. But I trust YOU where I don’t trust myself, so please use me & my life!”
That’s who He uses. NOT the best of the best, but the ones willing to have faith in what HE can do.
That’s why, with all the growing I still have yet to do, I’ve even come as far as I have in my faith. I was willing to say, “Well, God, You know I don’t have what it takes, that my faith is REALLY small… that I’m scared & feel completely unfit… but if You can use my life, please use it & help me to trust You to fill in where I just don’t have what it takes. If You can do that… I’m IN!”
That is quite literally IT. And He did.
God Does the Work
HE grew me. HE showed up. HE sent me help when I didn’t know how to do it. HE provided a path. HE gave me wisdom when I fell short. HE encouraged me. HE grew me. HE brought me here because I was willing to say, “Yes, LORD… if YOU do it… I will go.”
God grows us there. God puts things in our path to prepare us for where we’ll need to be. God renews. God transforms.
It is a partnership where all of the weight of work falls on Him & not on you.
As we surrender, as we allow Him to take the lead, as we do as He says over what we think is right… it comes together.
And on top of ALL that… He even helps with the WILL TO DO IT. AMAZING!
Don’t Look at the Finished Result & Praise the Person… Look at the Journey & Growth God Had to Bring Them through to Get Where They Are
So don’t look at my fully developed website, with printable resources, a weekly blog, social media presence, & a YouTube channel (@MichelleHydeOnline/streams)… volunteering in various ministries at church… & working with discipleship/accountability with ladies… & just see the results & be tempted to think I got me here.
NOPE. I was scared & unwilling. Tiny faith. Insecure. Thought that was all for someone else better or more equipped than me. I saw the finished products of people & gave them credit, too, versus seeing where maybe God brought them from.
But it was years. It was His hand-holding. His leading. MANY prayers of “but HOW??? Please help!” & watching Him help.
It was slow & steady, growth that didn’t happen all at once & is not yet complete.
I still have seasons of doubt or unwillingness.
I still have to call out to Him for help.
I still have to pray, “to WILL AND to do… please give me the will to do what my selfish, proud, & fearful heart wants to refuse, God.”
I am FAR from “arrived.” I still need to ask for His help ALL THE TIME, every day.
But look at all I do… look at all the ministries I was once too scared to do… look at all of it & think not, “look what all Michelle has accomplished,” but rather, “look what all God has done despite Michelle thinking none of it could ever be possible through her.” Look at it all & praise HIM… NOT me.
Look at it & think… if He can do ALL of that through MICHELLE… what can He do with my life if I am but willing to ask Him to?
How Can You Make Your Heart What It Is Not?
How can you make your heart what it is not? By asking God to grow it where it needs to be to get there… & watch Him do it over the years, gently, patiently shaping you into the likeness of His Son—Jesus Christ… as a light of hope to a hopeless world torn & broken by sin.
“I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me…” (Philippians 4:13) is not a catchall bin promising I can do anything I set my mind to if I pray… ANYTHING I want… it means that no matter your circumstances, whether wealth or poverty, good times or bad, equipped or ill-equipped… I can carry on with strength because God WILL help me as I lean into Him.
HE is the One Who will help make His will happen through your limitedness… HIM.
He is able to do IMMEASURABLY more than we could ever ask or IMAGINE. (Ephesians 3:20-21) Don’t think it is at all possible for God to work in any significant way through you with your insufficiencies &/or insecurities? GREAT. Read that verse again!
So, feeling like you are not IT? GOOD. He IS.
Bow to His Will, Let Him Use Your Life for His Glory
Bow where you fall short & ask Him to supply as He leads you.
Bow your insecurities for His ability.
Your weakness, His strength.
Your cluelessness, His wisdom.
Your fear, His power.
Your lack, His ALL.
Let HIM be GOD.
As I always say, “if it is completely out of your control… then it probably isn’t up to you to fix it—so PRAY.”
Shine HOPE by taking all of your dead ends to Him & asking to trade them for His abilities over your own… willing to serve & live for His glory through HIS power instead of stopping at your own limitations.
“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:31)
***He is waiting for you… will you come?:***
***(Romans 3:23; Romans 5:8-10; Ephesians 2:8-9; Romans 10:9-10; John 14:6)***
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As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
A Note from Michelle:
(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)
This blog/website has been running since Summer 2018!! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
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Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Cafe Duo Bag Charm–Handcrafted by Artisans Working Their Way out of Poverty in India!
This adorable Cafe Duo Bag Charm is created in a workshop committed to fighting child marriage in India by creating fair-paying jobs and showcasing the craftsmanship of our talented Artisan Partners. Each bead is hand-sewn onto the charm to create this perfect pair: a croissant and a latte.
The perfect addition to any bag to give you a custom, charming look! Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages in areas of extreme poverty where vulnerable women are often exploited by sweatshops.
***SHOP my link Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!***
How Can You Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support MichelleHydeOnline.com?
#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.
Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!
Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!
