Expectations

We are faced with so many expectations, aren’t we?

Parents expect so much of us growing up & even after we grow up & move out.

Teachers & bosses expect dedication, focus, & hard work–& everything in between.

Relationships expect loyalty & equal give & take & a partnership through all of life’s demands.

Children expect… well, everything.

God expects obedience, faithfulness, & service, through love & faith.

Even societal & cultural norms have expectations.

And then there’s us. Don’t we seem to expect the most from ourselves? As the saying goes, “I’m my own worst critic.”

Rising Tide of Anxiety

It can seem overwhelming sometimes, when the weight of the world’s expectations seems to hover on our shoulders & then follows us everywhere we go.

With all of the expectations we juggle from day to day, no wonder anxiety & depression seem to ever be on the rise.

The list of demands only seems to grow as time goes on, including the demands on our attention in every spare moment, through social media & other modes communications readily accessible & at our fingertips.

What’s the Solution?

So, how do we cope with it all?

How do we overcome the wall of anxiety that sometimes seems to threaten us around every corner?

How do we honor God with our time when every moment seems swallowed up by all the expectations we face?

Well, in the words of the recent Disney queen, my advice is to “let it go”.

But Wait!

“Now, wait a minute…” you might be thinking. “Our kids have to be fed & job responsibilities must be met & relationship efforts have to happen & ABOVE ALL, we need to honor God in how He expects us to live!!”

Yes.

Totally agreed.

But, to clarify my statement, we should let it go & give it to God.

Don’t miss that last part, because we will definitely NOT find peace in avoiding life’s demands. And we will also not be honoring God that way, either.

Give it to God.

Letting God be God

So, how does that look? How is that lived out?

Shouldn’t we be doing all of this FOR God? So, how do we let it go & give it to Him? How does that equal living our life FOR God?

Through trust… Through relying on God’s strength & God’s power & God’s wisdom, above our own.

When we give over control to Him, we are actually doing exactly what He asks when He tells us to live our life FOR Him. For Him, by Him, through Him.

God Works in Ways We Can’t Predict or Explain or Do on Our Own

Sometimes this looks like God giving us the peace & strength to do what needs to be done.

Sometimes God gives wisdom we didn’t already have, so that we know what to let go of completely & areas where we can relieve some of the pressures, or even a new way of doing things.

Sometimes God displays His power by rearranging time or circumstances to remove some pressure.

Sometimes God sends a capable someone who can help share the burden.

Sometimes God shows you that the pressure you are claiming was never something God asked you to carry, because we often try so hard to live our plan versus God’s.

However God chooses to help, He will help.

Him, Not Us… His Plan, Not Ours

We don’t have to be a superhero. We don’t have to drown through life. We don’t have to barely make it. We don’t have to count down until Friday.

We can learn to let go & let God.

We can learn to thrive in the knowledge that God’s got this & that HE provides what we need to do the things He asks of us.

Let Him Run Things… Let Him Help

Let God be the CEO who runs your life.

Let God be your secretary who schedules your day.

Let God have the control. Let God use HIS power through your day.

Hand over the reins of your life to God, who never tires nor exhausts His power or resources.

Instead of carrying the weight of the world, learn to let it go & to place your plans & the expectations of others into God’s capable & loving hands.

Are you carrying the weight of the world? Learn to let it go.

Shine Hope!

Coming Next

Make sure to read this month’s special feature post (every last Thursday of the month), coming this Thursday!

Also, check back every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Inverted Capiz Earrings

These earrings feature shimmery, creamy white capiz shells, each framed by a black edge.

Artisan Information:

In the Philippines, finding employment as a woman in poverty can be extremely difficult. Poor working conditions, lack of job security, & unfair pay are often the realities. Through your purchase, these women are receiving an income, health care, & social development programs. This allows these women to realize their potential & pursue their dreams in a safe environment. You have the opportunity to change lives!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in the Philippines!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Feeling Lost

Sprawled on the floor with a tear-stained face, wondering how you will survive through to the morning, wondering if you WANT to survive until the morning.

You have tried everything to revive the ruin of your life…. You have tried to stay positive…. You have tried to be strong.

And yet, here you are, melting into despair, wondering if a life ended is better than another day of the pain that you live now.

You know God. You consider yourself a Christian, knowing that Christ paid your debt to set you free from sin. And yet, you still wonder if even our great God could do anything to help bring hope into your crumbled, bleak resemblance of life.

And then the tinge of guilt for claiming to have faith while still falling apart.

It’s hard to admit you’re falling apart when others doubt your faith.

How do you give God your best when you have nothing left to give? How do you give God anything at all?

Being Faithful in Weakness

It’s so easy to think that faithfulness means never struggling, but how many retellings in the Bible express immense struggles, while still remaining faithful?

Sometimes, doesn’t it feel like, as a Christian, we put this pressure on ourselves to “measure up” to the “standard”?

It feels like being faithful means being perfect all the time.

Like being faithful means never messing up.

Like being faithful means never being overwhelmed by hurt & pain & stress.

We think that being faithful means always being strong & always believing unwaveringly.

We think that being faithful means never falling apart.

We often think that it’s up to us to carry through the storm, to prove our faith.

But Still…

But no amount of our strength & no amount of positive thinking can bring back a loved one.

No amount of effort can erase a hole in our heart.

No amount of trying can undo a devastatingly painful circumstance.

Sometimes, no matter how tirelessly we try, our efforts just don’t do a thing to solve our problem or heal our heart or fix our situation.

So why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? As if, if we try harder next time, we can overcome?

Expressing Pain While Staying Faithful

If we struggle to put the expression or feelings of hurt, pain, or torment in the same sentence as faithfulness, think of some of the people represented throughout the Bible.

Think of Job’s loss & torment, while still praising & trusting God.

Think of David’s lamenting psalms, while still looking to God as his help & refuge.

Think of Christ’s bloody tears, while still obeying God’s mission to save us on the cross.

Faithfulness Isn’t…

Faithfulness does not mean being strong on our own.

Faithfulness does not mean we never cry out in pain.

Faithfulness does not mean we don’t hurt.

Faithfulness does not mean pretending our personal world isn’t falling apart.

Faithfulness does not mean never wanting to quit.

Giving Our Best-Even When It’s Small

Even when we have nothing, even when we are at our worst, we can give God our best just by trusting God to be enough when we are not.

Mustard seed-sized faith–“small, barely holding on, but knowing somewhere, somehow, God CAN” type faith.

Faith that says, “I personally can see no way of hope, but if anyone can, God CAN.”

Stepping outside of the chaos & destruction to say, “God, how can You bring anything good out of THIS? How can THIS be part of Your PLAN?! Help me to trust You because I don’t know how to hold on anymore. I don’t have a plan. I can’t fix it. But God, You are somehow enough. Help me to rest in that. Help me to trust You when every odd seems to be working against me. I can’t. I CAN’T.

But You CAN.”

That’s faith. Trusting that He CAN in the midst of our CAN’Ts.

Giving To Get, But GOD

You see, as people, we have the tendency to think that to have faith or to give God our best, we need to be strong warriors. We think we have to bring something to the table for God to use.

But even when we have nothing, God CAN.

In those times of loss & despair, where nothing seems like it could ever improve, we have the rare opportunity to see that, plainly stated, IT’S NOT US.

That even when we are falling apart at the seams, GOD IS ENOUGH.

Even without our help.

Trusting in the Hurricane

As I sit here in the hospital with my 24-year old baby sister who is recovering from a ruptured appendix, I am reminded of this beautiful truth.

As I sat crying on the couch last Monday, after hearing that my sister was fighting for her life on the other side of the globe, I was reminded of this truth.

Botched travel plans & a day of rushing through three train stations & two airports, I was reminded of this truth.

I didn’t have anything to give. I couldn’t beam to Florida, from Japan, to be with my sister. I couldn’t fix the travel woes. I couldn’t heal her. I couldn’t control anything.

I cried. A lot.

And as I lay there frustrated & aching & scared, on my couch in Japan, far away from my sister, I was reminded that God CAN.

God never loses control.

God Reigns Through It ALL

He sees it all.

It may not turn out the way I expect or the way my limited perspective longs for, but He makes it fit together in a plan so big & so vast that expands beyond the current circumstances.

As I heard in a song once, “Sometimes God calms the storm & sometimes He calms His child.”

You see, even IF things do not go the way we pray. Even if it all seems to fall apart, God never wastes a moment & He is always in control.

He offers peace in the torment. He offers strength in the collapse. He offers power over the fear. He offers courage in the unknowns. He offers HOPE in the midst of hopeless.

He is always working HOPE. He is always pointing back to Himself. He is always offering to sustain us.

God CAN.

GOD CAN

So, as I sit here (now writing from the hospital cafeteria, in Florida, as my sister rests), I am reminded that GOD CAN.

I feel strength I didn’t muster. I feel courage amidst the fear. I feel peace in the storm.

God is with us. He is sustaining us. He is reviving us.

God has it in His able hands. God loves us unconditionally. God CAN.

And because I know my sister loves Jesus & has her hope placed in Him alone, I know that even if God had not indeed chosen a road to recovery, (*Which it miraculously seems recovery is where we’re headed at this point!!!!), God would have taken her to a shining & glorious place called Heaven, where she can rush into the loving arms of her Savior & dance a dance of hope & love & eternal joy.

God always has a plan. All for Him, even when things don’t go our way, but thank You Lord for the recovery we are seeing!!!!!

Even When… God’s Grace Remains

Even when we feel lost

Even when all hope is gone

Even when our hurt seems strong

God’s grace will still remain

And even when all crashes down

And even when our strength is gone

And even when we’ve given up

God’s good grace still overcomes

We may have nothing

To offer Him

We may have nothing

To offer Him

We may be hurting, all hope feels gone

BUT God’s Grace still reigns the day

God’s GOOD GRACE reigns always

((*Always shine HOPE, even if it means saying, “God, I can’t do this, but You can.”))

If you feel God is not calming the storm, pray & ask for His strength to carry you through. Ask for His peace & courage. Ask for His perspective.

And listen to “Blessings” by Laura Story.

*I don’t own the rights to this song. All rights to Laura Story & Company.

Coming Next Week

*I am sorry for the lapse last week. That was the day I found out about my sister. Thank you for showing me grace & for your prayers as she has a long road to recovery. Thank You, Lord, for Your healing power & sustaining grace!!!*

Check back every Monday morning EST for more encouragement! Love you, sisters!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Horizon Earrings

These golden diamond shaped earrings are wrapped with vibrant coral thread.

Artisan Information:

In India, poverty is rampant & fair working conditions are hard to find. But with every purchase, women are receiving an income, access to healthcare, adult literacy programs, & self-help groups! Not only does this change their lives, but they are also pouring back into their communities & helping others! You have the opportunity to empower thousands of women in India!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

(*Also shown: Awakening Bracelet from India!*)

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Let’s Shine Some Light in the Dark

Hello there, Beautiful.

Let’s take an opportunity to see things in new light. Let’s shine hope into a desperate situation. Let’s walk away from this with a new sense of hope for each new day, together.

Maybe…

If you are like me, maybe you feel a child-shaped hole in your heart.

Maybe you have spent countless hours with tears streaming your face, wondering why you can’t seem to have this child that your heart aches for so longingly.

Maybe you feel hurt by God, that maybe He is punishing you for your past or that maybe He just doesn’t trust you with a child.

Maybe you tell yourself you don’t need kids, just so that the bitter sadness doesn’t keep you from living each day. Maybe some days you realize this thing you tell yourself is a lie, & you cry.

Maybe you beg & plead & wonder if God can hear you.

Maybe you feel forgotten.

Maybe you feel as if your prayers go ignored or denied.

Maybe you wonder if God cares about this child-shaped hole in your heart.

Maybe.

If you are anything like me, a combination of all of those thoughts have drifted into or settled into your heart & mind.

This Doesn’t Feel Perfect

Maybe, like me, you have even felt guilt for being mad at God, for feeling like maybe He doesn’t care about your hurting heart. Maybe you feel guilt at your distrust in His plan.

You know He is perfect. You know His will is perfect. You know He is Good & He is Love.

And yet, this doesn’t feel perfect. This doesn’t feel good or loving at all.

And maybe that realization hurts your heart a little more than you’re willing to admit out loud.

Hope in the Darkness

But, Dear one, there is hope in the midst of this darkness. I promise you that.

I have been on a five-year journey of these emotions & thoughts plaguing the back of my mind. I have had five years of denial that my bitterness has grown in this hole in my heart, in place of trust in God’s perfect will, plan, Goodness, & love.

I don’t know if I am barren. I am told that everything looks good & we are cleared by the doctors for having a baby, & yet five years of attempts have left us childless.

I have had tests & ultrasounds & taken supplements to help… & yet nothing.

I have obsessed over temperature charting & ovulation testing… & yet nothing.

I have cried & begged God to answer my heart’s cry… & yet nothing.

For God’s Glory

I even wanted a child for the main purpose of raising them to be a light of God’s hope into this world… wanting to glorify God & train the child(ren) how to live a life that honors & glorifies Him so that hope will continue flowing into the next generation, long after I am gone… & yet nothing.

I have felt betrayed by a seeming lack of God’s love & favor. Watching my friends pop kids out continually while I am left… the barren woman.

I am able to push aside my hurt most often to celebrate the new lives being born into the homes of my family & friends, but the ache still lingers.

God Shines Light into the Darkness

But here is the hope, Beautiful one.

In reading through the current Bible study I am attending weekly (& working through the corresponding homework each day for the study), I came across something I had never seen before.

The study is Beth Moore’s “Breaking Free.”

The Dreams of Little Girls

In this particular study book, Beth Moore has a whole week dedicated to the dreams of little girls: to get married, be beautiful, have children (or, be fruitful), & to live happily ever after.

That pretty much nails it on the head for all of my girlhood dreams.

But here was her point… each of us have these childhood dreams that we long(ed) for, but that God can satisfy infinitely more than this world can.

Just a Shadow

It is a shadow of the deeper longing of our hearts. It is a hint of what God already promises us.

To get married–we want to feel loved & special & wanted… God fulfills this by loving & cherishing us more than we can ever comprehend. If you don’t believe me, He tells us it’s true & He will show you… Just have faith enough to ask Him to.

To feel beautiful—He thinks we are gorgeous because He created us! And when our time comes, as believers in Christ, to go to heaven, He sees us as His beautiful bride! (also satisfying our marriage desire).

To live happily ever after—(I am purposely skipping to have children (be fruitful) until the end)—but to live happily ever after points to the fact that this earthly existence is merely our temporary home. Sin has marred this world, but heaven will be amazing & beyond imagination! No tears! No sadness! Only joy & love & peace. A TRUE happily ever after!

To Have Children (Or, Be Fruitful)

And back to our childhood dream to have children (or, to be fruitful).

And this really struck me with God’s amazing provision & plan. It showed me His will & Goodness really is perfect. And His love is lacking NOTHING. Praise God!

In Beth’s section about dreaming to have children, Beth spoke to my soul by spending a majority of the lesson addressing barrenness.

There is Hope

Beth didn’t shy away from the hurt that comes with barrenness, but she did point to Scripture & the amazing reality that God has not forgotten us in our temporary (or permanent) inability to have children.

Beth started by having us read about Elizabeth. The Bible called Elizabeth a righteous woman, followed immediately with the fact that “& she was barren.” (Check it out in Luke 1:5-7.)

Then, Mrs. Moore paralleled the Old & New Testaments’ discussion on being fruitful. In the Old Testament, fruitfulness referred to making lots of babies, while in the New Testament, it often referred to being fruitful as spreading your faith in order to lead others to become new Christ-believers!

You see, while God mentions many times how children are a blessing from God & how they are gifts… & while God often talks about leading your children to follow & trust Him… He ALSO spends a significant time talking about sharing the hope of Christ!

Even More!

AND… in Isaiah 54 (you really should stop & go read that right this moment), God says that a barren woman is able to have more children than a married woman. WHAT?

You see, when those who are blessed with children are raising those children, life is a little crazy (in a good way, even if sometimes so difficult), & most of a mom’s time & energy is spent pouring into those little children to raise them to be Christ followers.

But those of us who have no children have a beautiful opportunity.

You see, we can have more “children” than a married woman because while they are raising theirs, we can pour into those women who in turn pour into their own children!

And we can pour into other barren women who in turn can pour into the lives of others!

How great of an opportunity we have to pour hope into all surrounding women & children!

Talk about fruitful!!!

God Forgives! God Never Forsakes Us! God is Good! God is LOVE!

You see, God forgave me for my past when I repented & turned to Him. He forgave me IN FULL. He is not punishing me!

God does not forsake us… He has not forgotten me!

God is GOOD. He knows my heart to raise a child to honor & glorify Him long after I am gone & He is giving me opportunity to do that in an even greater way!

God is LOVE. He knows my heart cry & my longing… & He is giving me a way!!

Lovely, consider these things with me. How wonderful & loving & Good our God is!

He Loves You

He loves you.

He loves YOU.

He. Loves. You.

HE LOVES YOU!!!

Let that sink in for a moment. Read those last few lines again.

Close your eyes with me for a moment. Take a deep breath in… & then out. And let that Truth sink into the crevices of your pained heart.

Let His love wash over you & pour into those deep crevices of pain.

Let His goodness & mercy shine into the dark corners of your heart.

He’s Got a Plan… And It’s a GOOD One!

TRUST God.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:11-13)

We may not know His timing. We may not see the fruit. But we can trust that He has a good plan with a good outcome. We can trust His love & we can trust His grace & goodness.

For His Love Endures Forever. Amen.

In whatever place you find yourself right now, Lovely, shine Hope. Always shine hope.

Grace & peace be to you from Christ Jesus, our LORD.

Amen.

Coming Next Week

Two blog posts are coming next week!

Monday will be our next regularly scheduled post of encouragement for your week & Thursday will be our Special Feature for this month!

Make sure to check back with me & hopefully I can pour some encouragement into your beautiful self.

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Avalon Earrings

Empowering Women Out of Poverty in India!

Made with brass & then silver-plated, these statement earrings are a nod to our Indian artisans’ culture.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece and empower a woman in India!

(*Other accessories are from previous catalogs & are no longer available)

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Feeling the Weight

Have you ever felt broken, like you didn’t deserve a second chance?

Have you ever felt the grip of guilt or shame not loosen its grip?

Have you ever cried over past mistakes & felt broken inside?

Have you ever felt beyond repair?

Me too.

Looking Back

I have never been perfect, although I tried to believe I could be, or at least make others believe that I was.

Growing up in a Christian home, going to church a couple or few times a week, I felt the pressure to be good, even though I was not.

I felt like a fraud, pretending my way through church services.

I felt ashamed to admit the truth, guessing that my family would probably have a heart attack if they knew the real me—the imperfect me. The rebellious, stubborn, prideful me.

The doubting me….

Doubts Washed Away

I had so many doubts about faith when I was growing up. Church claimed that God was the one true God, but the world claimed other gods, each defending their own religions.

I didn’t want to doubt. But I did.

If you have read my story of “Hope is Found”, you will know what happened next…. You will see how God washed my torturous doubts away like a cool summer rain. He set me free to live at peace with Him.

I know Who the real God is, whether I always like how He does things or not—He is God either way & He knows best, whether I understand in the moment or not.

Turning Away

But again, this is a new day, with new lessons to learn.

Brokenness. Guilt. Shame. Past mistakes. “Beyond repair”.

You would think that after everything that God has taught me & everything He has brought me through, I would be courageous & bold & unwavering in my faith & pursuit to honor God.

You would think.

But, here I am.

Israelites = ME

The older I get, the more I seem to relate to the Israelites in the Bible.

The Israelites were God’s chosen people & God demonstrated His love & grace & power & forgiveness & PATIENCE through His relationship with the Israelite people throughout the Bible.

Basically, their relationship went like this…

God would make them promises, saying all they had to do was trust Him wholeheartedly & follow His will & way. They would worship & praise & follow & obey. Then pride. Then hard-heartedness. Then rebellion. Then captivity. Then cries for redemption….

And then God would save them in a powerful way… & then the cycle would start again.

In our well-meaning, naïve (*Coughproudcough) way, we tend to scoff from the sidelines & shout at the Israelites as we read of their rebellions springing up yet again, “What is wrong with you guys! God JUST miraculously saved you after the awful way you have CONTINUOUSLY been treating Him & have been spitting in His face… only to have you reject Him AGAIN??? What is wrong with you?!?”

Haha.

How highly we like to think of ourselves, at times… am I right?

I am just the same as the Israelites, there is no way around it. If not worse than them….

The Results of Rebellion

I feel grieved. Some days, I just feel so empty & self-loathing. I cry, remembering my rebellion.

I feel broken.

I feel empty.

I feel like a fraud.

I feel like giving up in trying to be or claiming to be anything else.

But.

God’s grace.

His mercy.

His patience & forgiveness & faithfulness & steadfastness.

He Doesn’t Shame Us, He Sets Us Free

As much as I continually am beating myself up lately, feeling completely unworthy of yet another opportunity to be forgiven & renewed, the fact remains… He is faithful & He forgives me.

As many of you have heard, I had lived in an ocean of bitterness for the past many years.

Bitterness at praying for a child, going through doctor appointments, being told it would happen any day, receiving gifts from friends for the inevitable day that never came, living alone, feeling like if I only had a baby to love & to love me, I wouldn’t feel so alone. And feeling hurt & betrayed by God when it never happened.

Bitterness at feeling the loss of my husband’s love that was never really gone, but perceived to be as we literally fought through our first year and a half of marriage, feeling betrayed by the loss of his companionship & feeling betrayed by God for bringing me to the other side of the planet, only to feel abandoned & neglected by Jamie’s demanding work schedule & inevitable resulting high stress levels.

Bitterness at being so eager to plug into local churches, only to find out there was little I could do. Bitterness at pouring my heart & soul into encouraging others, only to find out they didn’t need it as much as I did.

Bitterness at myself for never being skinny or pretty enough & bitterness for believing that lie.

I Woke Up

And then the wake-up call came & I started crawling, wounded, untrusting, back to God.

I claimed to know to pray & let Him be God, but I still felt hurt & hesitant to let Him in my heart. He had heard my prayers & my cries & my inward screams & He had not changed my circumstances.

I blamed Him instead of trusting Him.

Has that ever been you?

And now, seeing Him forgive me & feeling Him work on changing my attitude & renewing my faith… I just feel shame & guilt & hesitation.

Humility Rains Down

I am as the Israelites.

God has blessed me through more heartache & trials & doubts than I can name. He has guided me & tenderly loved my heart toward Himself in powerful ways I could not ignore.

He gave me great promise & potential.

I got proud. I grew hard-hearted. I rebelled.

And now I cry out to Him. Undeserving, broken, scarred.

Believing the Lie That Shame Trumps Grace

I struggle the most right now with accepting His open arms.

It’s almost like I want to punish myself for being unfaithful & for turning my back on Him.

His grace hurts because it is so contrast to the way I have treated Him.

It makes me see my unfaithfulness to Him more clearly. I can’t hide from my part in pushing Him away.

Beauty from Ashes

But at the same time, it’s so beautiful.

It is so beautiful to come back to giving my faith to Him… to come home to Him & to realize that He is running out to greet me like I never crushed His heart to begin with.

It is humbling. It crushes me some days as I punish myself, (without Him asking me to).

He wants me to lay all of my shame down at His feet. All of my guilt & shame & scars at His feet, knowing I don’t have to carry them anymore… because His grace covers those.

But I grip on to them, afraid of getting away with it & then doing it all over again.

But as you can see, that is another form of not trusting Him, right? Not trusting that He is able to renew me & teach & guide me.

I don’t deserve the grace He so willingly offers to me. Not again. I knew better. But yet, He offers it to me all the same.

Letting the Walls Come Down

I am slowly trusting Him with prayer again. I am slowly opening my heart & accepting the role I played in distrusting His sovereignty & endless love for me (for all of us). I am slowly taking those badges of dishonor & handing them over to Him to let Him heal those broken parts.

I am good at defending myself, even my wrongs. I am good at self-denial. I am good at pretending I don’t know better, when rebellion knocks at the door.

But God is breaking through those lies I told to myself. The lies that said I was good as is. The lies that justified my wrong behavior. He is showing my a clear picture of myself in the mirror.

And I don’t like it.

Working to Rebuild

He is not doing this to shame me, but quite the opposite. I can feel Him peeling away all of the layers I built to defend myself, telling me, “I see you, Michelle. I REALLY see you. And I still love you. I REALLY love you!”

Not the me I try to be, in proving I can be good enough. No. The me that can never be “good enough”, but is so deeply loved just the same.

And He feels the same about you. He sees your scars & your coverups & your denial… And He REALLY loves you… for who you are behind all of the masks that we use to hide ourselves.

When I rebelled, the truth remains that God never left. He never betrayed or broke me. I did that.

If I Had Never Left & Even Now

He offered me hope in my disappointment, comfort in my longing, & friendship in my loneliness… But I rejected it & spat in His face because it wasn’t how I thought it should be. How I thought I wanted it to be.

It is possible to be held captive by what you were once set free from….

But the other side is just as true… It is always possible to be redeemed by what holds you captive.

A Clean Slate. A Renewed Heart & Faith

God doesn’t keep track. He doesn’t tick away at how many times He will rescue you from yourself before giving up on you. He will never give up on you. He knows we are like the Israelites, prone to wander & rebel. And He loves us anyway!

He is also loving & forgiving & patient & kind & powerful & sovereign & faithful.

If you come to Him with a repentant heart, wanting to throw away the broken, sinful, ashamed, selfish, rebellious you & exchange it for all that He offers… He is always willing & waiting with open arms.

Run To Him

So, run back, Lovely.

No matter how far you feel you have run from Him. No matter how lost you feel you are. No matter how far gone or broken or torn down you feel. RUN BACK TO HIS OPEN ARMS.

He is waiting to welcome you home… Every time… No matter what… I promise.

So. Run. Back. Home.

And leave those awful pits of guilt at His throne. Trust His grace to be more powerful than your shame.

And let Him set you free.

Let Him.

Coming Next Week

Join me next week for the next topic of encouragement! Please pray that God continue to heal my heart & to keep me steadfast in seeking Him as I seek to encourage all of you to run to Him with all you are.

He loves you.

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Bombolulu Earrings

Empowering Women in Kenya Out of Poverty!

These hammered earrings are made from heavy-gauged metal.

Artisan Information:

In Kenya, where many people struggle with starvation & poverty, the women we partner with are defying the odds! Your purchase empowers these women to earn an income, overcome physical disabilities, and become important parts of their communities!

Purchase this piece and empower a woman in Kenya!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE, Lovely!

Just Start

Have you ever felt like you just HAD to start something, but you felt completely inadequate for it?

Or maybe you literally had to start something (ie. Parenting), but you felt completely inadequate & unprepared for it?

Well, that’s me with this blog.

Stepping Out of Comfort Zones

I had this spark inside of me that said I NEEDED to do this blog.

I saw the darkness of this world & I understood that the world needs significantly more hope & light in it, & then I realized that I had to do whatever it took to make that happen, even if in some small way.

Not because I am a good person. Not because I am so wise & capable, but rather because I am not–& because I realize that I am not.

I need encouragement just like the next person. I fail. I fall short. I feel weak & insignificant. I am not enough.

But the world needs hope.

They NEED it.

Hope is Like Oxygen-It Gives Life

And to keep its source quiet & to cover up the light that shines in my own heart felt impossible. People need hope like air to breathe. They may not realize it, but everyone needs it.

Because we have limitations & weaknesses, we all come to the end of ourselves at times. But we try to pick ourselves back up. We try to be stronger. And sometimes, we give up.

We need HOPE.

Like oxygen.

You can “hold your breath” for a little while, but it will catch up to you… that need for hope.

Realizing My Need for God

God has shown me the end of myself, frequently, in these last many months.

He has shown me how self-concerned I am & how determined I am to rely on myself versus turning to Him as my wisdom, strength, & direction (*& HOPE).

When I have crashed & burned, I have wanted to quit, throw in the towel, & just never try again. I have felt battered & bruised & flat out DONE. I have been selfish.

Have you ever felt this way?

God Knows I Need It

But here’s the kicker….

God knew I needed to get knocked down these seemingly infinite times.

Because you know what is happening?

I am realizing the hidden sin I harbor in my heart. I have noticed my blatant disregard for listening to or obeying God when I am not comfortable & happy.

I have noticed how selfish & proud I am with my life & my happiness.

I have noticed how HUMAN I really am, just like everyone else, & it is so, so humbling.

“Neither”

Another thing that struck me out of nowhere was a little verse that I was reminded of at church, in Joshua 5…. Let me tell you the story.

Picture this… There is a man afraid of an oncoming enemy, set on destroying them all. The angel “commander of the Lord’s army” comes to him & this man’s question to the angel is this, “Are you on our side or theirs?” The angel’s response? “Neither.”

Wow. Ouch.

What a slap in the face.

That reality hit me hard.

All for God’s Glory? Or Ours?

How often do we sincerely, honestly, without ulterior motives, request for us to honor GOD’s will & to glorify GOD in every situation?

How often do we pray, not for our own comfort & happiness, but for the freedom & redemption of others & for God to receive the glory in every situation, even if it means a lack of comfort for ourselves?

How often do we lay our desires & dreams & aspirations & desperation at God’s feet, lay all of it out as a request to God, & finish with, “but let Thy will be done”?

For me, lately? Not often, I admit.

It’s Hard to See Past What We Want

With my years of living in mostly solitude, with loneliness an ever-nagging cut in my heart, I prayed for friends & comfort & happiness.

With the hardships of living in a foreign atmosphere, I prayed for comfort & escape from the stressors.

With wanting to be a size two, so that I don’t receive constant perceived & actual criticisms & judgments from others, I have prayed that God make me skinny & pretty (Versus healthy & a good steward of the body God has given me).

With ever-unanswered prayers for children, I got hurt by God’s apparent “no” & prayed for it to happen anyway, through tears of frustration.

With the struggles of insecurity & inadequacy & fears, I have prayed that God would give me peace to just quit reaching out–so I could just be comfortable.

I am the poster child for praying my will above anything else & getting hurt when the answer is “no.”

Changing Perspective

And then that verse….

How often have I cried basically the same cry of frustration & desperation? “Whose side are You on!?!”

But. God.

I should, instead, be praying to learn how to live for GOD’S SIDE.

I Am the Clay

You see, we often overlook one very important thing when we pray…. God is SOVEREIGN.

He is GOD. He is the King of kings, Lord of lords, Creator of the universe, Redeemer of sin debts, Father, Lover of our souls, GOD OF ALL.

He doesn’t answer to us.

He chooses to bless us & help us & love us with blessings. He promises to be our strength & to give us peace & to renew our hearts & minds with a clean slate. He gives us SO MUCH.

But HE. IS. STILL. GOD.

Letting Him Rule Our Hearts

It’s hard to live in disappointment when you measure all prayers against that very important fact.

God is GOD & we are not.

How silly it is for me to tell God “how it should be” when He sees all & knows all & sees how it all fits together from the beginning of time to the end.

He knows much better than we do of what we need & what we think we need, but which will actually harm us in the end.

He is Worth It All

He is worth trusting.

He is worth laying all of our cries of desperation & longing at His capable & loving & all-knowing “feet”.

He is so so so so so so so worth it.

To Sum It All Up

So, here’s my encouragement for you today….

Do you have hidden (or obvious) sins in your life that you excuse away? Do you have dreams that are more important to you than anything? Do you have hurts that ache you to the core & make you want to stay in bed forever? Do you feel weak & incapable? Do you have longings that cut you deeply, even understandable ones?

Then lay them at HIS feet.

Do you trust Him enough to be Lord of your life? Do you trust Him enough to follow Him, hand in hand, through the storms of life? Do you trust Him when the answer is “no”?

Talk to God About It

Say, “God, I want this [or, I want this to end], but I know You are God & I am not. Help me to trust Your will & plan, & help me to trust Your goodness. You know my longing & hurt, but you are Sovereign. Teach me to trust You through this. Keep my eyes on You through the storm. Help me to trust Your way above my own. You have a plan. Reveal to me Your love & goodness despite Your response. To YOU be the glory, forever & ever. Amen.”

That is my prayer lately. As God has been revealing my depravity & the weaknesses that I too often ignore or excuse away, I have been learning to realize that this life isn’t about me… It’s about God. Loving & serving Him with my life to bless the lives around me & shine hope into their lives, is what it’s all about.

To God be the Glory

He is Sovereign. He knows best. May I learn to trust that to the very core of everything I ever believe or desire or hurt over. May I trust my Loving Father, the God of the universe. May He receive all the glory from my efforts.

Amen.

Shine hope, lovelies… But you don’t have to do it alone. God can fill in the gaps. Just trust Him with those gaps & do that thing.

Coming Next Week

Check back next Monday morning for my next post! I am praying for you. I may not know who you are, but I know God has a plan for your life & it is my goal to encourage you, so I am praying for you.

See you next week, Lovely!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

The Unity Necklace

Empowering Women Artisans in Haiti!

Upcycled beads made from glass and clay from Haiti’s mountains hang on a silver plated chain.

Artisan Information:

Haiti had this century’s worst natural disaster and is home to almost 500,000 orphans. The majority of the orphans have not been orphaned by parental deaths or natural disasters, but by parents who gave them up simply because they could not feed them. The group we work with is an “un-orphanage” and is helping with the orphan crisis by providing parents with sustainable business through creating products.

Purchase this piece and empower a woman in Haiti!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com, & I will message you personally with more information!!

Thank you for inspiring HOPE, Lovely!

Getting Focused

As I get started on this blogging journey, I have spent many hours planning & thinking through what I would like to talk about.

I want to be intentional in what I use this space for—to encourage you with HOPE & with the courage to SHINE that hope.

I want to share with you my LIFE—my ups & downs, my insecurities & victories, my hesitations & my occasional courageous moments. I want to figuratively link arms with you & do this journey together.

To accomplish this, it really came down to one word—intentionality. And so, that’s where I am choosing to begin.

Stepping into the Wilderness…

Okay, so if you read last week’s Blog, you know why I decided to move forward with this blog (If you haven’t read it yet, click here to get caught up)… At least as it pertains to overcoming my excuses… But this week, I want to share with you more of my “Heart Reason” behind this Blog.