I Didn’t Plan to Talk About This Today, But Here Goes…

I sat down today, ready to write, with my blog post topic ideas list in hand… but I guess God has something different in store for today.

I struggle with depression & depression is often highly misunderstood & oftentimes avoided by others, as if to say: “it doesn’t make sense to me how you can feel this way, so it makes me uncomfortable being around you when you talk about it.”

But it can also be so easy to allow my depression to take over my life.

With Depression, Life Is Hard… But Hard Doesn’t Have to Equal Bad

It’s true that people seem to default toward gaslighting & downplaying the struggle of depression symptoms, because 1. They don’t understand it, & 2. It makes them uncomfortable that they don’t understand it, but it’s also true that it can be easy to just give in to it & use it as an excuse to avoid life—because, with depression, life is hard.

And, while it’s not great when people try to minimize my struggle, I also have a responsibility to not use that as an excuse to “show people just how hard it really is” & give up… because sometimes that’s the temptation for me.

I Am Losing Some Ground in the Tug of War with Depression

If you have been following my posts recently, it’s probably no surprise to you that my depression symptoms have started to take a stronger grip on me lately–change is hard.

My temporary living space is somewhat depressing (some mold found, new cat litter is terrible at blocking smells in this tiny space, + I have to pretty much start my life completely over here in finding my place in this new space).

Moving is hard & it’s especially hard on the spouse, I would argue, because the one moving for the new job gets to plug right into their new job, while the spouse has to start from scratch & just figure something out every time.

Our moving process was hard this go around as well—with so, so many things that went wrong or fell through (of which it seemed God just stepped in every single time & was like, “Nah, I am going to just make it work out anyway, even though it really shouldn’t be possible at this point.” So effortless for Him when everything was falling apart at the seams, but it wasn’t a fun experience to go through—except in hindsight, seeing all the many ways God came through when there seemed to be no way forward.

So, with all the goodbyes, the suddenness of the move in general, the falling apart at the seams process, to now a depressing tiny apartment for the next month, + now starting my life over… again… well, it’s been pretty rough on me… & I have not handled it so well.

Sometimes, It’s Good to Cry It Out

Crying is cathartic for me. When stress builds up or I have to go through hard things, allowing myself to cry is a release… but lately, I have felt the need to cry almost daily.

My depression symptoms make it hard to function on top of all that I mentioned. I often have brain fog & feel empty & numb, like I’m someone who really cares trapped in a body/brain of an overwhelming “so what, who cares, what’s the point?” It’s maddening because I want to try but I just go into a numb fog where even simple things just feel so much more difficult than normal.

Satan Likes to Twist the Truth

And then, in my weakness, my vulnerability… Satan is at the wait… ready to lace everything with insecurities, highlighting every failure & slump, the reactions of people I care about… reactions even of facial expressions that say, “Really? Again? *sigh*,” & Satan jumps in to remind me, “look, not only is your life harder right now because of your depression symptoms, but you’re burdening everyone you care about. Now their life is harder just having you be a part of it. They shouldn’t have to deal with your problems.”

And, to an extent, he is right. And because satan likes to take truths & twist them, he is ready & waiting to do just that. The truth is, those people do still care about me. Do they like facing my burdens? Probably not. But they would rather have me with those burdens than not have me at all.

So, when people downplay or gaslight me, it just feels like he’s right. Period.

But I have to remember something very important: that whether others get it or not, whether they handle it well or not, whether it’s easy or not… the symptoms are real & they do make my life harder than it should be, but they don’t define me.

Depression & Me

Hard doesn’t have to mean bad.

And that’s my responsibility. I can’t hide behind the hard.

I have to be willing to submit the hard to God versus letting the hard define who I am.

I must determine to take that hard to God & say, “God, I am trapped by this. I feel like I’m drowning in it. I feel like I am ruining everyone else’s life just by existing. Please help me! Help me see that You are still in control! Give me peace that seems impossible! Help me to cling to You versus letting go when it feels easier to let go. Help me trust You come what may. Help shut out the lies of satan. Help me to surrender this struggle to You. Give me courage to step out of my survival mode to try something new—volunteer, a job, a friendship, discipling a young lady, something. Give me a purpose. Show me Your plan & purpose for me here. Hold my head above the water. Help me not to just give up & give in to the weight on me. Help me trust Your strength when I feel I have none left. Help me to be gracious to others who don’t understand or who discount what I say. Help me cling to You & not their understanding or lack thereof. Help me to be willing to go where You lead, even if it doesn’t seem ideal. Show me Your path & light my way & be my Comforter in this storm. Don’t give up on me & don’t let me give up on myself. You are greater. Your love is infinite. I have hope because of these things. I have hope because I know You care always & always have a plan. Guide me & lead me to the Rock that is higher than I. Help me to praise You in my storm. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Don’t Romanticize the Idea of Giving Up–Determine to Cling to HOPE… Sure, Real, Trustworthy HOPE

Sometimes I romanticize giving up (not suicide at this point, but just to stop trying at life), because it seems so ideal to just no longer care so “it doesn’t have to be hard anymore,” but again, that is a twisted lie from Satan..

So I have to be willing to keep fighting by submitting that romanticized “solution” of mine to God’s feet & saying, “God, giving up seems so appealing because it feels so much easier than continuing to care so much, but I know that is a trap & a lie that will lead to even darker & deeper despair, so remind me to lay aside that fantasy to quit & instead fall into You for help, determining to trust You against ALL ODDS. You are enough. Help me to remember that & cling to that NO MATTER WHAT. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

Depression Is HARD… Some Won’t Understand It… But God’s Still Got Me… & That’s the TRUTH

Depression is HARD. It annoys me & everyone else around me who has to deal with me not being “cheery enough” to the socially accepted amount. It annoys me that I annoy others. I feel like a failure of a human some days.

But I don’t want to let satan write the script. I don’t want to believe his lies.

I want freedom, but even if not, I want to remember that God is good & He’s got me & He has a plan to use it for my good & His glory. Always. 100%. Even if I can’t see that now. I know it.

Shine hope by determining, against all odds, to trust that God has you in His hand, will care for & comfort you in the storm, & has a plan always to turn it for your good & His glory. Because THAT is the TRUTH.

Say it with me: “You’re done here, satan.”

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Heritage Earrings (Haiti)

Make a fair-trade fashion statement with these totally unique ethically made earrings from Haiti! These hand-beaded Heritage Earrings are reminiscent of delicate butterfly wings with 14k gold-plated studs, eye-catching black & white oval designs, & cascading fringed ends with maroon & gold-tone accents. Every purchase of these stunning earrings helps provide these Artisans in Haiti with safe jobs, fair wages, educational resources, & counseling.

How You Can Help the Artisans:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

When Nothing in Life Seems to be Going My Way…

Have you ever asked yourself this question of “Why is my life always hard”? Do you feel like you’re constantly dealt “a bad hand” in life & nothing ever seems to work out & that nothing good ever lasts?

Are you tempted to just give up trying because you don’t think it will work out anyway? Are you expecting to be disappointed yet again? Are you tired of having it seem like everything in your life always goes wrong while nothing ever seems to go right?

I have struggled with those questions. I have let Satan twist & turn negative circumstances so much in my heart that I just easily believe every lie of angry, hurt frustration boil up consistent bitterness within me.

I have asked the question: “Why is my life always hard?!”

It’s Not All Depression’s Fault… & It’s Not All Everyone Else’s Fault

Depression seems to be an ugly monster, for sure, as it can make me so droopy & out of it… but the true enemy is Satan… & my readiness to believe him… as he takes my weakness & twists & exploits it at every opportunity.

And then there’s the sin-torn world I live in, where lows & hardships are inevitable this side of Heaven… & it can be pretty easy to fixate on everything wrong with culture & sin….

It seems justifiable & reasonable to blame my depression… & satan’s exploitation of it… & the sin in the world, shown through all the wrongs in this world… & wrongs people commit against me personally.

BUT, another UNDENIABLE, yet often overlooked culprit for turbulent times of my life… is my own pride.

How Does My Pride Have Anything to Do with Feeling So Unsatisfied in Life?

I want things to be easy. I don’t like to struggle. I don’t like the effects of sin in this world (or its pull on my own heart). I don’t like depression or feeling Satan kick me when I’m down. I don’t like it when people wrong me or when things just don’t seem to be able to ever work out in my favor.

I don’t like facing hard things in life!

And, in facing all of the moments of dissatisfaction or disappointment, leading to sprouting bitterness… if I am completely honest with myself, & with God, I can see my pride welling up within me.

I think I know what I want… what I deserve… what I have a right to… what others seem to easily have with no problem while I struggle fruitlessly… I see the smiling faces of social media & how everyone else seems to get the life they want… so why can’t I?

My pride tells me: “I deserve!” “I earned it!” “Everyone else gets it!” “I want that life/success, too!”

My Ideal… Based on MY Ideal

I don’t know about you, but I had built up an understanding of what it would look like for me to “make it” in this world.

I wanted a job full of “well done!” accolades… a reputation of respect for my diligent hard work… to prove I was smart & capable enough.

I wanted to get married & feel loved despite all my flaws that others had implied were unlovable… to prove them all wrong.

I wanted to have kids & have my ideal little family with inside jokes born of silliness, family game nights, & adventures… I wanted to be a mom that my children respected & adored, who could someday be their best friend when they were grown with families of their own… to prove I could be a good mom.

I wanted to be admired & liked & to prove to everyone that I was good enough… but that was all based on MY ideal versus seeking GOD’s plan & will for my life.

I Need to be Willing to Let Him Change My Mind… & My Path… For HIS Glory, Not Mine

And that struggle born of childhood ideals didn’t end there… I faced it again leaving continental America for the first time to Guam with the loneliness that engulfed me… I faced it again when I moved to Hokkaido, where everything was bathed in the stress of a language barrier or culture shock… And again here in Guam again, facing the fear of my past.

My default is to focus on my story being MY story versus HIS… on what isn’t going the way I imagined or wanted or was told I could have because I “earned” or “deserved” or “had a right to” it.

I make my life all about what I think I should get out of it, versus humbly being willing to be shaped & directed by an Almighty God, giving Him the glory no matter my circumstances.

Why Is My Life Always So Hard?

Surrender… I struggle with surrender.

Am I willing to surrender MY ideal for His will?

Am I willing to surrender the way I always thought it would be or should be?

Am I willing to surrender the way I want it?

Am I willing to surrender to something “less than” for God’s leading instead?

Am I willing to give up what I think I should have for what God determines I should have?

Surrender.

And guess what? Until I choose to submit to that one little word, I will remain in my misery.

I have to be willing to get to the point where I lay down all my wants & ideals & determinations & ambitions & desires & what I “deserve” or “have a right to”… & lay it all down in surrender to my loving God who knows better than me.

A Prayer of Surrender

“God, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I think it has to be such & such way for me to be happy. I am sorry that I cling to “HAPPY” like an idol or drug to get me through… versus YOU. I’m sorry that I make my wisdom my lord instead of asking for You to have authority in my life. I am sorry I try to make myself equal to or greater than You. Forgive me for my vanity in thinking my wisdom should determine Your actions. Forgive me for thinking I drive my life. Forgive me for making it more about me & not about You. Forgive me for my lack of surrender. Please forgive me. Teach me how to have my satisfaction in You. Teach me how to let You lead & to listen to Your wisdom over my own. Help me know You more & trust You more & love You more. Take my life & let it be all for You. Whether a janitor or a leader, whether well-known or invisible, whether poor or rich, whether respected or rejected, take my all & make it Yours. Help me rejoice in You. Help me live for YOUR GLORY & NOT my own. Help me know how to determine satan’s lies so I can shut him out & cling instead to Your Truth & hope. Thank You for JESUS despite my obvious undeserving. All to You I freely give. Whether I eat or drink, or whatever I do, help me to do it ALL for YOUR GLORY. AMEN.”

Shine HOPE by surrendering your dissatisfaction, bitterness, & disappointments to His working, will, & way.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Mia Hoops (Peru)

Enjoy a modern twist to classic hoops with these unique, oblong, open-hoop earrings. Handcrafted in Peru, these gold-tone Mia Hoops are made in a workshop committed to empowering the next generation with traditional Artisanal skills training. Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in Peru.

How You Can Help the Artisans:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

God Knows That I Need to Know That He’s the One in Control

I like feeling confident… & as someone who struggles with insecurity, finding my confidence feels amazing—like I can do anything.

But typically, my depression battle doesn’t let my confidence stay too long, because when it hits, I lose any & all motivation & feel numbness overtake my ambition. And, of course, satan will jump on any & every opportunity to remind me of my insecurities & exploit those vulnerabilities brought on by my depression.

And, to be honest with you… I often feel—knowing God is in complete control at all times—that God works my depression symptoms for my good so that I can be reminded that I’m not in control, but He is.

Circumstances That Strip Away My Confidence

And then there are circumstances that strip me of my confidence—see “moving back to Guam when I didn’t really want to.”

Or maybe a rude or reckless comment from someone… Or maybe indifference from someone I thought I could turn to for support… Or an illness or injury that knocks me off my feet.

My point is that circumstances come into my life—often unexpectedly—that knock me from my point of confidence.

And I don’t hate it… even though I hate it.

Maybe that sounds contradictory & you’re thinking… “Michelle, you obviously DO hate it if you’re SAYING you hate it.” But here’s the thing: I DO hate the circumstances I sometimes find myself in… but I DON’T necessarily hate that I am in a situation I hate.

Why I Don’t Hate the Circumstances I Hate

If you follow me on social media, you know that every few weeks brings a surrendering post of “I DON’T WANNA! …. BUT, God help me do it anyway.”

I don’t like doing uncomfortable things… like AT ALL. Like trying to make new friends in a new place, or moving to a place I didn’t really want to go to, or being lonely.

I don’t like feeling discomfort at all. Whether it’s editing my blog to ready it for publishing versus sprawling in my pjs to binge tv, or whether it’s confronting a hard situation I would rather avoid.

I don’t like feeling insecure. (Although I feel I have so MANY reasons to feel insecurity–has anyone tried having small talk with me & has left feeling SO awkward? You’re welcome.)

I don’t like facing things I don’t like… Like speaking up with Truth when I would rather blend in to the background, or allowing myself to be vulnerable so that people can see His glory in my failings.

And sometimes, I quite literally feel like I even HATE my circumstances…

BUT, in those hated circumstances, I can feel God beckoning me, reminding me (convicting my heart, really), that my reactions to those circumstances really reveal that I need more trust in HIM & less on myself.

And being brought humbly back under that perspective is a true & powerful comfort.

My Depression Leads Me (Often Unwillingly) to Humility

I shared a memory recently on my social media, talking about my depression—how sometimes I feel so drained of energy & motivation & care for anything at all really… & how in those times, I have learned I need to pray & ask God for help… but that on that particular day, I actually felt WORSE AFTER I prayed to God.

I didn’t get it. I was frustrated, angry, & felt like God just turned His back on me in my time of need.

It hurt.

So I continued to beg God for help, feeling like just quitting & giving up on my day’s productivity altogether in response to His seeming silence for my request.

And I felt His gentle whisper over my heart, a reminder that there was the problem—I wanted God to answer my prayer by giving me my strength back—my confidence, my ability to do it myself, my control in the situation—versus wanting to rely only on HIS strength.

I wanted MY confidence in ME to come back. But God knew better. He knew I really needed my confidence in HIM back.

“God, EVEN IF…”

I need to learn to say to Him, “God, EVEN IF it’s hard. EVEN IF it doesn’t get any easier. EVEN IF it sucks every single second… I will choose to praise You because I know YOUR STRENGTH is enough to carry me through moment-by-moment, EVEN IF I don’t get MY strength back.”

I hate not feeling control… like I can’t just FIX something… like I can’t overcome it.

I hate feeling like it’s not up to me… like I have no say… like I’m not enough.

I hate going where I don’t want to go… I hate facing trials & unknowns that I would prefer to avoid… I hate the things that I hate.

But I DON’T hate them, because they force me to reevaluate where my trust lies—Is it in ME? Or is it in HIM? “God, EVEN IF…”

I am NOT Enough–& I Was Never Meant to Be!

So if you ask me why I don’t hate the circumstances I hate… those circumstances I hate force me to humility… to recognize my need for Him… to rely on HIM INSTEAD.

It’s not fun & it flat out feels TERRIBLE & TERRIFYING sometimes… but the result is a renewed realization that EVEN IF—HE’S GOT IT COVERED & I CAN REST IN HIM COMPLETELY.

Give up the “I am Enough” quotes. Quit misleading others by telling them God says THEY are enough—what a terrible burden that cannot be relied upon!

Instead, tell them HE is enough.

That even if they hate their circumstances… they don’t have to hate them.

That even in those circumstances that they hate—the wonderful truth is that God can use them to bring them into a humbled reliance on their Savior, where peace thrives.

I am not enough. Not even close. One sign of struggle & I am either complaining in frustration or I am bumbling through sobs of despair. I am prone to quitting as my default. I HATE struggles.

But I don’t hate them.

Love Having Your Confidence in HIM

Do you struggle with this, too? Do you like feeling self-confidence more than relying completely & only on Him? Do you need this reminder to view differently those circumstances that you hate?

I love feeling confident. But I love having my confidence in HIM even more… because EVEN IF all fails & falls apart… I can rest in my LORD GOD ALMIGHTY Who LOVED me (& you!) SO much that He made a Way to pay my debt to Him, through Jesus. (John 3:16-17)

Shine HOPE by taking the circumstances you hate to Him & by learning not to hate them for their impactful ability to remind you where to recalibrate your trust—in Him versus in yourself.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Huipil Saddle Bag (Guatemala)

Artisans in Guatemala handcraft this colorful, eco-friendly saddle bag design from genuine leather & upcycled Mayan Huipil – the beautiful traditional blouses worn by women in Guatemala to signify which village they call home. Each bag is one of a kind, as the front features Huipil colors, patterns, & motifs that are unique to each woman’s village.

Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in Guatemala.

How You Can Help the Artisans:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

In Everything… Praise Him

Something God has been nudging me about ever since this last September, is the need to intentionally & regularly praise Him.

As I mentioned back around that time (see that post, here), this initial nudge seemed insensitive at best & uncaring or mean at worst. I was facing a trauma I had never before experienced, & when I cried (literally cried) out to God for help facing the hurt, His gentle response was my need to praise Him.

You can possibly see why this response was not so easily received by my heart. I needed comfort & healing from Him, & yet, His response was to offer Him praise?

But, in my stubborn hard-hearted misunderstanding response, I kept praying for help… & His steady response remained the same: I NEED to praise Him.

His Call to Praise Him Expresses His Love for Me?

I came to understand why this call to praise Him was the MOST loving solution He could have offered me. If I turn my eyes from the turmoil tearing apart my heart & intentionally fix my eyes on all of His goodness, mercy, grace, love, power, & the HOPE He offers us… well, that trauma didn’t seem so end-of-the-world painful anymore… & the comfort did indeed begin to replace my fear & hurt.

His call to praise Him was a loving call, because He knew I needed to shift my perspective from the trauma to HIM.

So, this journey, this CALL to praise did not end there. It has been echoed repeatedly in my heart ever since. “Michelle, you NEED to praise Him.”

He Keeps Calling Me

I feel tired. Moving is hard & I don’t need to tell that to anyone who has experienced it before. The goodbyes, the letting go of belongings for an easier move, the lasts, & the heading into the unknowns… all of it is hard. Not to mention all of the logistics & juggling a life where all of your routines, habits, etc. have just been tossed in the air to land as they may.

Life becomes a mess of upheaval during a move. Nothing is where you left it because everything has been moved. You don’t have a home to go to after all the long travels. Plus, adding logistics for moving with a pet during a time when most airlines no longer fly pets internationally.

It’s stressful!

All of the emotions that come along with the stress just make it a hard time.

And you know what? This call to praise Him keeps echoing along the way.

I Grew Up Singing, So Why Does This Feel So Difficult?

I grew up in choir. I was in choir in elementary school, then in youth choir at church, to choirs all along the way as we have moved since I got married in 2012.

In fact, choir life has been so engrained in me, that my middle sis & I used to sing all the way home after practice each week—turning nursery rhymes into Broadway-worthy renditions (okay, maybe that’s being a BIT generous—but we would dramatize any nursery rhymes by belting them out dramatically, with dramatic hand gestures & choreography of course).

I love singing. It just lifts me out of the moment & just floods my heart with joy to escape the present situation or circumstances. I even sing to my cat sometimes….

But somehow, I feel devoid of song. I feel numb-ish. I feel stubborn & selfish & clinging to comforts more often than I cling to God.

The Danger of Relying on Comforts to Ease You… Over Turning to God

The red flags are there… I have grown colder recently… withdrawing into temporary comforts versus turning to God for help in every little thing… Relying more on what He has blessed me with than on Him.

And because of this, I have grown ungrateful. I am easily irritated. I get frustrated when things don’t work out the way I visualized. I complain. I mope. I withdraw. And I can feel Satan coupling that with my struggle with depression, threatening to pull me under by the weight of it.

But I know the warning signs now. I’ve been through this before. I see his tricks. I am not falling for it. Not this time.

And God continues to gently nudge: “Michelle, you need to praise Me.”

I NEED to Praise Him

Praise is non-negotiable. And it’s not something we ought to reserve for celebrations.

Our hearts NEED to be REGULARLY re-calibrated to set our focus on HIM. We NEED this.

I know. I need to kick satan right in the jaw by intentionally & regularly turning my eyes from ME-centered to GOD-centered, & not just fixing my eyes on Him, but PRAISING Him come rain or shine!

Praise God!

I need to get back to praising God—even (& ESPECIALLY) when I don’t feel like it!

I need to get back to praising God—INTENTIONALLY & on purpose–Regularly!

My heart is bleeding. I am wounded by the stressors. I am weak.

And if I don’t fix my eyes on Him in PRAISE, satan will not hesitate to twist all of that into a whirlwind of defeated despair through the aid of my predisposition for depression.

I need to praise God.

You need to praise God.

Give Thanks to the Lord, for He Is Good! His Love Endures Forever! (Psalm 118:1)

We need to be intentional on lifting up praise to Him, thanking Him for His salvation through Jesus, for paying our debt & being our Way to God, despite our sin.

We need to thank Him for His many blessings, even & especially in the midst of really hard times.

We need to humble our hearts & lift Him up instead.

We need to fix our eyes on Jesus.

In EVERYTHING, Praise the Lord!

So, if you are down… If you feel beaten up… If you feel little (or big) stressors wearing you down… If someone you know is irking your nerves… If you’ve been hurt or are struggling with trauma… if you’re stressed beyond sanity….

If you are happy, overjoyed, & everything seems to be going your way…

If you are ____________________…

PRAISE HIM.

Intentionally… Regularly… Even when you least feel like it… PRAISE HIM.

Shine HOPE by praising God from whom all blessings flow! Maker of Heaven & Earth! Eternal, All-Knowing, All-Powerful, REDEEMER!

PRAISE HIM!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Daisy Anklet (Thailand)

Add a touch of summer to your ankle with this feminine & fun, stretch-to-fit Daisy Anklet from Thailand. Handcrafted with delicate, muted blue, matte glass beads, each anklet features three white & gold, hand-beaded daisy flowers. Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in Thailand!

How You Can Help the Artisans:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Back on Guam

Well, we made it. Barely, but we made it.

My husband & I just moved back to Guam, after having lived here for 3 years, leaving in 2015 to move to Japan… we now back again to Guam.

This wasn’t my first choice, in fact, when my husband built up the story of discovering this job opening, ending with, “… & guess where it is???” my initial thought was, “we’re moving to Florida 2 years earlier than we expected?!?” Haha, nope.

But here I am, sitting in a nice hotel room with a beautiful ocean view (not bad for a temporary living situation), shaking my head in disbelief. It feels like a dream. It doesn’t feel real.

But it’s true… I am back on Guam.

A Swirling Mess of “All of the Above”

Guam is such an out-of-the-way place, so when you leave here, you don’t expect to ever come back… you close that chapter in your mind because the chances are so slim the first time around, that a second time just seems an impossible scenario… but here we are.

I wasn’t excited. I was devastated. Not just the unexpected jolt to my routine/life. Not just the disappointment of “not Florida.” Not just the loneliness I felt last time I lived here. And not just the fact that it meant we had to leave our home & friends 2 years sooner than we expected. It was a swirling mess of “all of the above.”

One Tough Move!

If you followed my journey to here, you know it was one of the hardest moves I could have ever imagined from start to finish.

From the movers miscalculating our allowed shipment size, almost leaving behind some furniture & boxes, only to finally agree to call to verify, finding out they had indeed miscalculated & were trying to deny us a THIRD of our shipment space. (oof)

From the movers receiving incorrect information about what we were allowed to ship & us only finding out after we had to pay for alternative means of shipment (ie medicine cabinet, spices, etc.) (oof again)

Then there was the whole shipping our cat thing. EVERY step acts as if they just want you to give up & give up your furbaby. EVERY step. In some cases, we had to come on the phone more informed than their own staff or we would have been denied altogether! How does that happen!? But God provided a dear contact who helped us to know who to ask what to make it happen anyway! Praise GOD!

And the last step for our cat required a military id, which we had for my husband’s job in Japan… but just a couple days before our departure, my husband was notified that instead of the remote relinquishment of his id, they decided they wanted to do it BEFORE we left & nothing we said changed their opinion. It had the potential to leave our cat stranded on our last layover & it was too late in the game to do anything about it.

To say this move was a stressful one is an understatement.

The Mess CONTINUED

Once the military ids were relinquished & our journey began, the mishaps did not end there.

We had 6 bags, plus a medium-sized dog kennel for our cat to lug around the airport.

We had a shuttle to take, with no underneath baggage space, with said bags & cat kennel.

We had to clear Japanese animal export in Tokyo.

We had an overnight layover in Hawaii, of which we were greeted with the news that our airline had no reservation for our cat—by the animal holding facility, who were unwilling to call to check whether it was just my name where it didn’t show, or any pet reservation at all (it was booked under my husband’s name, not mine) & that we should “just check when we get there.” (No stress, right?!)

Then all 6 bags were lugged around the giant hotel area, only to find out no shuttle tickets could be gotten, so we had to find a taxi.

The Last Leg of the Race Didn’t Get Any Easier

And to end it all with a bang, the check-in process for our sweet kitty took THREE hours & although we were first in line, even with running to the opposite side of the airport to my gate, I was 10 minutes late & ONLY because Jamie had pre-check & could get there early, did I make the flight at all, receiving many uncaring responses of, “sounds like someone didn’t allow enough time to catch her flight.” (Ohhh boy, if only they KNEW! … I was not thinking God-honoring thoughts about them at this point & had to bite my lip a few times there.)

The airline was telling my husband they couldn’t wait any longer & that he needed to just leave me there. I couldn’t respond to his messages because I was running WITH bags, asthma, & a bad hip/back… but I made it.

And when I got on that plane, with my mask hiding my face & the loud hum of the engine masking the sound, I cried for maybe the first 10 minutes of it… just flat out sobbing in relief & frustration & hurt that it had to be that hard the whole way.

He Can Do What I Can’t

But I’m here. We made it. Cisco made it. We’re here.

I don’t write all of this for sympathy, but to show you that this whole move was one giant IMPOSSIBLE, but we leaned into God & asked others to be praying, & God put the right people in our path at the right time (because we were trusting in Him over ourselves) & HE made it happen!

So much of the last few weeks was completely out of my control. But God was still in control.

I didn’t know who to call or where to start, but God led me.

I couldn’t control the decisions of others, but God made a way anyway.

I couldn’t know what I didn’t know, but God showed me & put people in my path who did know & could tell me.

This move was impossible from start to finish.

BUT… GOD. He can do what I can’t!

Cling to TRUTH in Times of Troubles

God tells us not to be anxious for anything (I still need to work on this one! It shows I often trust what I can see over what I know God can do & His will/plan & His care for me), but to pray about everything. (Philippians 4:6-9)

He tells us to not rely on our own understanding, but to turn to Him in everything. (Proverbs 3:5-7)

He tells us to be still & know that He is GOD. (Psalm 46:10)

He says that nothing is impossible with Him (Luke 1:37) & that He can do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine. (Ephesians 3:20-21)

He says in all our ways to acknowledge HIM (His leadership, His power, His will, His ability, His love, His lead) & He will direct our paths. (Proverbs 3:5-7)

He reminds us that His comforts delight our soul IN the multitude of our anxieties. (Psalm 94:19)

His Will… He Will Make a Way

Where I am limited, He is limitless.

Where I can find no way, He is a Way-Maker.

If He leads you to something He WILL make it work out… we don’t have to worry about the hows, only focus on the Who.

This was a job He led my husband to. The way seemed impossible. But with God, anything is possible & His plans cannot be thwarted. Where we can’t, He CAN.

Continued Prayers Appreciated

Prayers are still appreciated as we look for a home—one that has been well-maintained, feels inviting, & has parking/space for guests. And for 2 reliable cars—rust damage is common on an island & problems are often left undisclosed.

Ask God to help us with discernment for unforeseen problems, that we trust His lead & have patience to WAIT to see HIM move versus just ACTING, & that we find peace during our long period of displacement. Thank you in advance!

Shine HOPE by leaning into Him in every high & in every low in life, letting HIM take the reins of your life, directing & leading you in His plans, not yours. Because even if you’re scared, apprehensive, or anxious, God ALWAYS KNOWS BEST & He WILL work everything together for the good of those who love Him & are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Kala Scarf

This floral-print scarf is handcrafted in India using ancient Bagru block printing techniques & azo-free natural dyes. Trimmed with an elegant multicolor jewel-toned border. Every scarf has variations as a part of the traditional Bagru block-printing process & Artisan-made charm!

In India, poverty & gender discrimination make it difficult for women to find safe dignified jobs with fair wages. But with every purchase, these Artisans are earning fair wages in safe working environments while preserving the ancient Artisan traditions of their ancestors & investing in the next generation.

Purchase this scarf & empower a woman in India!

How You Can Help the Artisans:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Apprehensions, But God Is in Control

Well, this is it. In just 3 days, my husband & I will be flying to our new again home—Guam.

As you may remember, I wasn’t excited when I found out about this possibility a mere few months ago. I thought Guam was beautiful, of course, & I made some friends who invested in me as a friend… but life on Guam back in early 2010s was hard for me.

Maybe it was the fact that I was on the other side of the world from family & friends for the first time in my life.

Maybe it was figuring out being married & being a wife, learning to work together & communicate & work through tough things together for the first time.

Maybe it was my husband’s crazy work schedule that kept him away from home so incredibly often, leaving me alone on the other side of the globe (pre-smart phone & video calls, too, when all I had was a limited international calling plan).

Maybe it was feeling like an outsider—not hired staff, not local, not military… just fallen between the cracks in so many areas with a mostly absent husband.

Maybe it was a combination of all of that. Whatever it was—it was hard… & now I am moving back.

God Is Holding Me through It

I know circumstances are different now. I have been overseas for 10 years & am no longer a newbie at this. I have been married to Jamie for 10 years &, while still growing, as we always will as human beings, we are much more established in our relationship. His work schedule won’t be as crazy. Things have changed to better include outsiders like me. And… I own a smartphone now… with video calls.

But still, the trauma is there a bit & the apprehensions settle around this move.

Gratefully, God has–despite these apprehensions– helped me to have a better attitude with this move. He is giving me peace & helping me to just take one step at a time. He is helping me to trust Him & not worry, that even if it turns out just as bad (or worse), He has a plan & He can carry me through the potential storm.

I Don’t Play Baseball…

And here I am, just a few days away from leaving this country of Japan that has become our home these last 7 years & curveballs are swinging left & right & I feel emotionally & physically spent. I feel “out of batteries” as I like to say when I get to this point.

But I have more to do. Preparations have to be completed in just a couple more days before our flights. There is no time to quit or pause. It either gets done or left behind forever.

There are so many details that I couldn’t begin to share them all with you, as it would take hours to explain every facet of ever-needing-to-be-changed-or-adjusted details. It is seriously a whirlwind of information & details & needing to know more than the people who ought to know & inform me.

And I am out of batteries. I want to quit, if I am completely honest. I want to check out, curl up under the comforter–with it pulled over my head, cry until I get all the cries out & just sleep until it’s all over.

But I can’t. I have to be a grownup.

I Was Ready to Check Out

I didn’t want to write today. I wanted to toss it out with everything else I wanted to forget about to escape any & everything that could add to my pile, but God kept whispering over my heart ever so gently that even if I just share my prayer–my crying out to Him– that’s enough.

Because I am NOT enough.

But HE is.

I NEED Him

So, today, I leave you with my heart bare in prayer, laying down my weakness for His strength, my inability for His limitlessness, my burden for His care, & my dead batteries for His Almighty power:

“God. I am so tired. I am frustrated & a little angry. So much of this process has required us to know more than the ones we’re supposed to be able to call for help. How is that even possible? How are we supposed to plan & know if THEY don’t even know? I just can’t anymore. I am so tired & drained & I just don’t want to anymore. I can’t handle one more thing falling through or one more mistake due to misinformation or one more re-do because of that misunderstanding or one more authority unwilling &/or too uncaring to bother to help us when we NEED it. I can’t handle any more of it emotionally. I feel so drained. Please, God. You are the Author. You are Almighty. You can do anything. You KNOW everything. Please give me peace where peace seems impossible. Give me rest of heart. Renew my strength. Bolster my strength & resilience. Pave a way & fit the pieces together. Direct us to the ones who know & are willing & able to help us when we need it. Give us patience & a reminder to lean on You over quitting. Thank You for all You have already moved for us. Thank You for stepping in when all seemed lost along the way already. Thank You for being bigger than me, with more patience & wisdom & knowledge & power than me. Help me trust in that more. Be my strength. Get us to Guam. Please get our kitty to Guam safely, too, & watch over his nervous, scared little heart—comfort & calm him please Lord—I hate not being able to explain to him what is happening, so please care for him on our behalf. Help me to consider more Your plans for this move versus how it may or may not directly benefit me. Thank You for always being enough when I most definitely am not. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

Shine HOPE by taking your human weaknesses & limitations to HIM.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Mosaic Clutch (Guatemala)

Made in Guatemala from upcycled traditional blouse fabric called Huipil, with each pattern symbolizing the village from which the woman came. (Colors & patterns vary widely.)

In Guatemala, women struggle through abuse & poverty. But these women are now becoming proud business owners! By utilizing their traditional skills, they are able to create beautiful products that reflect their culture. They can provide for their families at home rather than leaving home in search of work & can also send their children to school to pursue their dreams. This is because people like you purchase their work!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Guatemala!

How You Can Help the Artisans:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

I Live with Depression

If you have been following my journey for a little while now, you probably know that I struggle with depression.

Depression has been a regular companion of mine for the most of my life & ebbs & flows with the severity of its symptoms. Sometimes I just feel worn out & a little out of it, other times I have brain fog that makes me go numb & check out, while other times sink me into a dark hole so deep I fear I may never come back out again.

I always understood depression to be only the last one I mentioned above, but depression takes on different forms in different phases of life.

But one thing I have learned in this lifetime battle is that depression is the devil’s playground.

Sometimes I Feel Like a Broken Human

Depression makes me vulnerable. When at its worst, I feel I lack any value because of how checked out I feel in any given situation. I don’t feel I can be “on” for people—you know, humor people & smile at socially appropriate times & be engaging & fun. I just feel numb—so numb that I feel broken.

The regular me becomes trapped under layers of uncaring numbness from the lack of serotonin &/or dopamine. I am still me, just with a thick cloud of numbness engulfing my passions & ambitions.

Because of this, I feel helpless when it gets bad. I feel stuck & trapped & sometimes like I am drowning.

Misunderstood

And people typically don’t get it—understandably. And they want me to just turn “on” & stop acting that way… when I genuinely can’t.

I mean, I got pretty good at acting back in my first two years of high school, after receiving many “looks” & unwelcome responses… but deep down, I knew I was lying to everyone around me, drowning in it alone… misunderstood.

All of these outcomes of depression often make me vulnerable & insecure… misunderstood.

I want to be what people want from me. I want to be the ambitious, determined, friendly person buried in all the blah, but I just can’t… & again, it makes me feel broken, beyond repair… misunderstood.

Depression: The Devil’s Playground

And Satan knows & sees all that vulnerability & insecurity in my weakest phases of my depression.

He knows the lies to whisper to me late at night, reminding me of the weird looks or responses from friends & family who don’t understand why I have inexplicably changed… why I am not as engaging or friendly or “on.”

And because I am in a vulnerable state during my lows, it’s so easy to believe those lies & that shame… & withdraw, thinking their lives would be better & less of a burden without me in it… that’s why depression is oftentimes associated with suicide, because, if left unchecked, believing all of the torrent of lies satan pours on your head… it can feel completely helpless & hopeless of any relief.

But I have to be on guard even more when the lows make their rounds back again, taking up the armor OF God (Ephesians 6), determining to grasp onto God’s Truth as my lifeline—because it is.

Cling to Truth

I have to remind myself of verses I have learned. I have to remember to pray instead of withdrawing & giving up. I have to be diligent in shutting out those little whispered lies of hurtful stabs to my heart.

Depression is the devil’s playground because he likes to kick when we’re down. He likes to exploit our weak spots & insecurities. He likes to lie & say people are better off without us burdening them with our brokenness.

BUT THEY ARE LIES.

And I have to determine to cling to Truth so I don’t get sucked into the vortex of shame, brokenness, & pain.

God As My Anchor

I have to determine to remind myself that IT IS OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY.

I have to find a friend who is a safe space who will remind me of that & pray with me through it & not demand I shape up or get out… to sit with me in the lows & not need me to be “on” for them to keep me around.

Right now, I am not drowning. I am not in the deep end.

But I feel it. I feel the claws of numbness reaching out to me.

I feel the uncaring, checked out feelings hovering over me.

And I am determining to not give in to become the devil’s playground… to instead stop, accept my weakness as human & cry out to the almighty God for His mighty hand to hold me & keep me going.

Victory In Jesus

Depression used to feel like a curse… like something I would not wish on my worst enemy. A deep void of nothingness & pain.

But I have grown to see it a little differently over the last few years, as I have learned how much of the pain is from giving in to believing satan’s lies versus the depression itself.

That depression makes me weak & vulnerable, yes.

But that the reality is: we are all weak & vulnerable… trying our best to be strong & capable—getting us into trouble. And depression reminds me of my humanity… that victory comes only in Jesus.

A Curse Turned Blessing

Depression reminds me of my very real human need for God.

Depression reminds me that I am not God… but that He IS.

Depression reminds me of my need to learn & to tuck His Truth inside my heart.

Depression reminds me that I am just human & that that is all I am really meant to be—human.

Depression reminds me of why I need Jesus. I am weak. I am flawed. But I am offered grace because of Him.

I Need Him… & Depression Reminds Me of That

He is God. I am not.

He can. I can’t.

I need Him. You need Him. We ALL NEED HIM.

And our reliance should be on HIS ability, not our own.

So, I don’t hate my depression anymore.

Do I enjoy being reminded of my human weakness? No, not really.

But do I enjoy being regularly reminded of my need for Him? Definitely yes.

It’s Okay to Need God’s Help… Because, in Reality? We ALL Do

If you struggle with depression—with lower-than-normal levels of serotonin &/or dopamine, know that it’s okay not to be okay… that it’s okay to be weak… that it’s okay to need God’s help.

Don’t allow satan to play with your vulnerabilities. Don’t let him lie to you & manipulate you.

Determine to cling to God for help, in prayer. Determine to cling to Truth & God’s armor, as laid out for us in Ephesians.

And don’t let your depression become a playground for the devil.

“God Is Our Refuge & Our Strength… Our Very Present Help in Time of Trouble” (Psalm 46)

If you don’t struggle with depression, don’t expect your friends to always be “on” for you. Let them know it’s okay to just BE sometimes… that you would rather have them with you like that rather than to keep your distance. Be their safe space. Pray WITH them, FOR them—when you are weak & vulnerable & feel broken, sometimes it feels like you’re drowning too much to pray—so pray WITH & FOR them.

You don’t have to know the answers & be what they need, because you know the One who does know the answers & Who IS what they need.

Shine HOPE by placing your cares on Him, for He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7).

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Andean Drop Earrings & Andean Ring

Handcrafted by our newest Artisan partners in Peru, this 24k gold-plated, natural chrysocolla stone ring can be worn alone as a stunning statement piece or paired with our Andean Drop Earrings. Hammered metal & natural variations of swirling green chrysocolla add “Old World” charm to this ethically made ring. Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages in areas of extreme poverty in Peru.

How You Can Help the Artisans:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Parenting Is No Easy Task

Parenting is hard work. It comes with many blessings, for sure, but it cannot be denied that it takes intentional effort & investment into the lives of the littles in your care.

I may not seem qualified at all to talk about parenting, having no children of my own, but I do know that as a fellow human, even without the extra challenges of motherhood, life is hard sometimes & I need God’s help.

Even knowing I need His help, I so often struggle doing life on my own without seeking God’s help right away, & I often see mothers struggle the same way… getting exhausted & losing their cool, sinking in stress, not considering the role God must have in the parenting journey.

I don’t know about you, but it’s much easier for me to react to situations versus prayerfully respond, & I can guess with fair certainty that if I were a mother, that would not immediately change.

God Is with You… Be Still & Know That HE Is GOD

So, I am here to remind you that you don’t have to do it alone.

Even if you have a spouse who doesn’t help out or a father who is out of the picture… even if friends & family don’t come around you… you don’t have to do it alone.

Even on nights where tears of frustration &/or exhaustion are your only companion… you don’t have to do it alone.

Even when the nerves are shot & nothing seems to work & “it’s just the way it is” & it’s the last straw… you don’t have to do it alone….

There IS hope.

Our Struggle Does Not Define Us or Our Lives… God Is Able

Consider my depression. If I am not careful, it becomes my identity, much like mothers who assume the identity of a tired, frayed, can’t-handle-it mom. Our struggles can begin to cling on to our lives like a label of reality we can’t escape.

But God is GOD. He is ALMIGHTY. He is ALL-WISE, ALL-KNOWLEDGEABLE, & ALL-POWERFUL… AND, to top it all off, His actions, His very being is defined by His LOVE.

He can move in the impossible. He can work solutions that weren’t even considered. He can make things happen where there seems no hope &/or no solution.

You don’t have to have all the answers. You don’t have to be able to control every action or behavior. You don’t have to live feeling like a failure.

You have HIM.

Surrender Your Parenting to Him

Surrender ‘those’ days & ‘those’ nights to Him.

Surrender that stress to Him.

Surrender your anxiety & frustrations to Him.

Surrender the “it’s just the way it is” thoughts to Him.

Surrender your parenting to Him.

“HOW?!?” …You may ask….

Pray. Talk to Him about it. Lay it down at His feet, opening up your heart & admitting your struggle & need for Him. Admit to Him & to yourself that where you can’t, He can. Where you see no way, He makes a way.

Bow Your Needs to HIM As Your GOD

Ask Him continually & daily in prayers somewhat like this:

“God, I can’t do this. I feel like a terrible Mom right now. I can’t do anything right. I try to teach them & they don’t listen. Chores never end. I am tired & stressed & just feel like a failure! But You are GOD. I am not, but You ARE. Help me. Give me Your peace that goes beyond understanding. Teach me. Grow me. Help me to honor You in how I respond to this. Help me know HOW to respond to this & empower me to do it right! I react but I want to prayerfully respond in a way that honors You, trusting You to help me in it. Help me learn how to do that. Help me parent. Help me surrender my parenting to You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

A Prayer for the Supermom, Too

Maybe you don’t feel stressed with your kids. Maybe you feel capable & strong & like you know what you’re doing. Let me give you another call—surrender that to Him, too.

What seems wise to us is often foolishness to God. It seems right in our own eyes, but we don’t see the whole picture. Only God does. So surrender that capableness to Him, too.

“God, I feel like I have a pretty good handle on this parenting thing, but I want You running the show. I want You guiding my words & my actions & the lessons I teach—not human wisdom… YOURS. Help humble me & allow me to listen for Your guidance over my own. Help me to slow down & bow to Your leading. Thank You for Your patience with me & that You always know best, even when I think I do. Thank You that I can always trust You. Help me trust in that better & to lead with You as my guide… not me. In Jesus’ name, I pray, AMEN.”

The Importance of Intentionally Surrendered Parenting

Some days will be hard. Some days it will feel easier to just not be intentional… to just take a break from trying. Some days you will feel like supermom.

But every day, you ought to surrender your parenting to Him.

Shine HOPE by determining to INVEST moment-by-moment into Your children, raising them up in the way they should go… BY & THROUGH prayer & a surrender to Him in it ALL.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Green Tea & Jasmine Soap Bar

Make every day a spa day for someone you love or make this month a little sweeter & treat yourself to the refreshing natural floral scent & cleansing benefits of our Green Tea & Jasmine Soap Bar from India. Made with essential oils of Green Tea & Jasmine blended with moisturizing natural coconut oil, olive oil, & shea butter, this luxurious soap will delight your senses!

In India, many women in traditional communities still struggle to overcome centuries of gender discrimination. Women are often discouraged from working outside the home. Women with disabilities are often further marginalized by society, making it even more difficult for them to find dignified work & making them even more vulnerable to exploitation by sweatshops. But through your purchase, these artisans are given opportunities to overcome these obstacles & succeed!

How You Can Help the Artisans:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

A Hardening Heart Toward God

If I’m completely honest with you, I have noticed my heart hardening toward God over the last year or so.

It’s not that I don’t pray. I still read my Bible before bed every night. I go to Bible Study with other ladies. I keep up with my blog to honor Him even on days I’d rather be lazy.

I still see Him work in my life. I still ask for His help. I still feel Him near me, caring for me… even when I fail… a lot.

But I have grown cold. Selfish. Hard-hearted. Coveting of spending time the way I want or eating what I want or staying in the bubble of my comfort zone… Living my life for me… & not for Him.

I see it. I feel it. And yet, I don’t want to change it.

I Need to Diligently Spend More Time with Him & Seek after Him

There’s even a nudging on my heart as to the cause of it… a beckoning & a welcoming whisper to the security, safety, peace, & joy I felt when I spent more time with Him. In fact, the more time I spent talking with Him & seeking Him through reading & studying the Bible, the more those things seemed to define the state of my heart.

And I know I need more of it. I know my lack of pursuit of Him is what is slowly draining the joy & peace & eagerness out of my heart.

I need to seek Him more. I need to submit my heart to Him & spend time in His presence, through prayer & reading His Word, the Bible. I need to make HIM my daily focus… Not Me.

But I don’t want to do anything about it.

When My Life Is All about Me & Not about Jesus

It makes me feel ashamed even to admit it out loud that I have started to make my life more about me & not so much about Him.

Consider my anxieties that flooded my life when I heard we’re moving next month. Or the anxiety I feel when I think someone might ask something of me that may take away from my preferred use of free time.

Selfishness has begun to replace a pursuit of holiness.

Those anxieties should have been replaced by humbled willingness to see how they can be used to shine His light & honor & please Him, but all I could think about was the hassle & not having things go my way.

And I know it. And I feel no desire to change it, even though my heart aches & pleads for me to do so, to redeem the heart of peace & joy & love I felt when I did pursue Him more.

I Would Rather Have Hard Times with Him

I feel like the only way God is going to get through to me again is by letting me go through something hard. I feel trapped by the sinful, selfish hard-heartedness I seem to be clinging to.

It’s true that going through hard things is, well, hard. But if it gets my attention back on what matters & shakes me out of this selfish pattern of self-destruction, then I welcome it.

I wish I could recognize that reality, allow that to be all I need, & change course before it happens so I can experience that joy again without the trial first, but I just don’t want to change & I would rather hurt facing a hard lesson & readjust, than keep on this trajectory of self-absorbed destruction.

A Prayer of Repentance

“Lord, forgive me. I am so selfish & self-absorbed. I want my life to be about me, where I am the main character & everything happens to benefit or please me. I want everything to go my way & be comfortable. I don’t want things in my life that don’t cultivate comfort for me. Please forgive me. I don’t know why You even put up with me at this point. How many times must I learn this lesson? How many times do I need to be reminded that You are beyond worth losing literally any & everything? Why must I always cycle back to needing this lesson again & again? I don’t understand Your level of patience & forgiveness & grace & love. I must have long ago used up my ‘deserved’ amount. Please forgive me. Help me find my way back to the peace & joy & eagerness to pursue You in everything I do. Forgive me for making ME the main character, when the main character is, was, & always will be You. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

Shine HOPE by trusting that God will continue to pursue you, even when you stop pursuing Him, & by knowing you can always turn around back to Him & find Him waiting with open arms.…

Don’t hesitate to run into those arms.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Journey Backpack

This genuine leather Journey Backpack is handcrafted by Artisans in India who wash, tumble, & vegetable-tan the leather to create a vintage well-loved look & feel. With its versatile, hands-free design, varying neutral shades of weathered cognac brown, & double-stitched reinforced construction, this backpack is a must-have fair-trade “carry-all” for anyone!

Get one for yourself & empower women artisans in India out of poverty. <3

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win! Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

I Wanna Do It

It’s not easy for me to stop & be still & just know that HE is God.

When I am faced with something difficult, my trust is not so easily placed in the hands of God… I want to fix it… I want a say… I want to help (so it goes my way—as if I can make it happen that way).

I have realized lately just how much this reveals a lack of trust in God… that it’s easy to know I ought to trust God in all things… & quite a bit more difficult to actually rest in that trust when hard things come my way.

I Know What to Do… But That Doesn’t Mean I Necessarily Submit to Doing What’s Right Every Time

We Christians receive a lot of flak for being hypocrites… & often for good reason.

There are areas of my life where I have seen God work in situations I felt were impossible, teaching me to further rest in Him when similar circumstances arise… but when I am faced with something new, for some reason, my gut response is not to recall all of those other circumstances & thus rest in God’s ability, care, & resources… but for me to start anew by trusting myself first.

It’s Terrifying Sometimes to Entrust Someone Other Than Myself

Trusting God can feel terrifying sometimes because it feels that if I don’t do enough, everything will fail… or at least fail by not going the way I want it to.

Why do I put so much stock in my own efforts & care, even when God has proven Himself faithful & much more capable than I countless times?

More Faith in Him… Or Myself?

This journey of embracing my limitations, while simultaneously embracing the limitless nature of God, is no easy task. It requires me placing more faith in Him than I do myself—& with all the many times He has proven Himself capable while I have often failed, you would think I would be much quicker to jump to God for help.

Learning to Trust God’s Plan More Than What I Can See

My current situation is no different. We are moving to Guam, with little option to bring our cat of 9 years (aka our furbaby) with us.

I want to rest in God & know He has a perfect plan in it all, but instead, all I often feel is worry, afraid that His answer will be something I won’t like & wanting to step in & fix it myself just in case that happens to be so.

How little I trust God!

God Knows What I Don’t—And All He Does Is for Our Good

Even in times where His answer was the exact opposite of how I asked Him to help in a situation, in hindsight, I eventually ALWAYS saw His plan as exceedingly better than mine—no matter how hard it was to trust & follow His way at the time.

For example, when I long ago had to say goodbye to my first love in order to follow God’s leading on my heart, it was the LAST thing I wanted to do, but I see now that my heart wanted someone I was not fit for & that my husband now (who, at the time I didn’t even know existed or whether he would ever come into my life at all) ended up being such a better fit for me & I for him.

God KNOWS what He is doing, even when in MY ”wisdom” He is doing something I want to fight back against.

God KNOWS

God doesn’t have to “best guess” it. He doesn’t have to trial & error it. He just KNOWS.

I know I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. I know every single person has at least a small area where they hold back or try to self-solve, self-shield, or self-soothe in their own limited wisdom, thinking it’s up to them…. as I do….

But I also know I need to not let that become an excuse & that holding onto this control for myself just leads to unnecessary anxiety, fear, stress, & overwhelm… that it keeps me trapped in the facade that I have any true control over my life, ever on the hamster wheel of trying to maintain what’s not up to me to maintain… instead of learning the true rest that comes from trusting God to KNOW.

God Is Patient… God Is Kind

It’s a process. It’s a failing forward.

I don’t always get it right… I most often DON’T get it right the first however many times.

But God is patient & God KNOWS what to do when I am finally willing to come rest at His feet for help… to place the situation in His hands versus gripping onto false control for myself.

A Journey of Embracing My Limitations

If you met me in person, I am sure my highlight reel would be a tempting perspective of me… but I am no different than anyone else… I get it wrong… a lot… I forget to pray for help & usually just act on instinct first instead.

And I am on a journey of ever learning how to embrace my limitations so I can better rest in the limitlessness of God Almighty & His gracious, capable love.

Shine HOPE by learning to accept that God knows more & better… that He can where you can’t… that He wants your GOOD… that even if His solution seems scary or hard, you can rest in knowing that He has a plan, that He knows what He is doing, & ultimately that it’s even for your GOOD. Amen & amen.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week.

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for 4 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Long Chain Necklace (India)

Love long chain necklaces? This is the necklace for you. This silver-tone link-chain design is handcrafted in India & is totally on-trend! Wear alone, double up, or layer together with other chain necklaces from our One World Collection, like our Long Chain Necklace – Gold.

Every purchase provides fair trade jobs in areas of extreme poverty in India.

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me to continue supporting them as well as continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!