Back to the Tropical

Much to our surprise, my husband & I will be moving again this Summer—back to Guam.

People keep asking me how I feel about it, & the best answer I can give them is, “I go back & forth.” Now don’t get me wrong, Guam is a beautiful & magical place to visit, but my personal experience living there wasn’t entirely positive.

Part of my experience there had to do with the demanding work schedule my husband was on, where he was gone so much I felt mostly alone on the opposite side of the world. Another part was that most people our age were so busy that they didn’t have much space for us in their lives—not at all their fault—just the way it was back then.

I felt pretty alone there. And the idea of going back sort of makes me feel like I had finally beat a really hard level in a video game only to have the game glitch & make me replay the level.

A Rough Time Re-Visited?

Maybe these reasons seem silly &/or lame to you, but for someone who didn’t grow up military, lived near family her whole life, had long-time friends, to move to the other side of the globe, with an opposite time zone & no smart phones at the time… it was pretty rough.

When my husband first announced his happening upon this new job, I honestly just felt dread. Anxiety swished around in my brain & I felt overwhelmed & anxious. I didn’t want to re-live the rough time I had there before.

Journal My Thoughts, Face My Fears, & PRAY…

Normally, when anxious thoughts swirl around in a whirlwind of thoughts, I have found that taking out a journal & listing them all out really helps me to face the source of my fears, naming them versus faceless swirls of anxiety.

So, I did just that. I got out a journal, & began just pouring out the anxieties on my heart so I could face each one & let God dispel the fear & encourage my heart to pray over the different things that worried my heart so much.

But, as I did so, most items on that list were things that perceivably just won’t be changing any time soon… & the more I wrote…. The more I thought & prayed over the points on that list… the more anxious I became. So much for that idea!

Rejoice in Affliction??

And I cried. I felt bitter & frustrated & resistant toward the whole situation, wondering why our planned “2 more years in Japan & then back to the states” idea had to change so suddenly.

And as I cried & prayed… God whispered over my heart the words “rejoice in affliction.” (Romans 5:3-5)

That was not at ALL what I wanted to hear from God. How in the world, when I am feeling such turmoil of emotions, am I supposed to have JOY & REJOICE in AFFLICTION?!

My Attitude Check

At first, I was just like, “well, thanks for nothing,” but reluctantly, eventually I apologized to God for my initial bratty response, & asked Him, “God, okay. I’m sorry. You know best… better than me… but how am I supposed to have JOY in affliction? HOW can I REJOICE in affliction? I don’t even see how that can be possible for me so how am I supposed to do it? Please show me & teach me how because it feels impossible to me right now. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

Guess what His whispered-over-my-heart response to my prayer was? Two words: “Even if….”

Will I… Even in the ”Even If”?

Even if. Will I choose to praise Him even if He DOESN’T answer me the way I want… even IF He doesn’t wrap up all the details with a pretty bow for me… even IF He doesn’t make it easy for me first…?

Will I praise Him even if…? Will I trust Him even if…? Will I follow His lead even if…?

Maybe you’re thinking, “well, of course you submitted & said sorry & everything got fixed….”

Except, my response went more like: “I’m going to need a few days to think about it.”

I Wanted Everything Wrapped Up in a Pretty Bow for Me

Over the next few days, I was determined I wouldn’t let it go. I was frustrated. I didn’t want an EVEN IF situation! I wanted a solution, a fix, a pretty wrapped-up-in-a-bow deal.

But that wasn’t God’s answer to me. His answer to me remained that two word question: “even if?”

And so began the cycle of crying in frustration upon being reminded of His response, apologizing for being so resistant to Him, to asking for His help AGAIN with the whole “joy in affliction” thing.

They Didn’t Wait for the Fire to be Put Out First

As I prayed, God reminded me of Shadrach, Meshach, & Abednego, how, when they were told to dishonor God or else be thrown into a fiery furnace (to the death), they chose to honor God no matter the cost. (Read the full story in Daniel 3.)

And they didn’t know God was going to rescue them. They didn’t know the “one who is like the Son of God” would meet them in the furnace & keep them from even SMELLING like smoke.

And even before knowing any of that would happen, these mens’ response was: “EVEN IF!”

They didn’t wait for God to put out the flames first.

Their response was: “EVEN IF!”

He Has It Under Control & He Has a Plan… Even If

How convicting. How humbling. How not-at-all-what-I-wanted-to-hear.

It hasn’t been easy for me moving forward with this move, but just in being willing to hear Him out & seek His help in the “even if” & the “joy in affliction” parts, I have seen Him grow in me a peace… not an eveything-is-going-to-work-out-the-way-you-want-anyway peace… but an “Okay God, I get it. Even if. You have it under control & You have a plan… even if.”

Life doesn’t always go the way I plan (big surprise there, huh?) & doesn’t always even go the way I want (anyone else?)… but God has a plan in it, so I can rest in that.

I’m a Work in Progress

I’m still a work-in-progress, but I can trust my anxieties & fears & unmet expectations to an all-knowing, all-powerful, LOVING God.

“So, God, here I am. I’m sorry I am not jumping to trust you in the no-matter-what’s of life, but thank You for being patient, gentle, & long-suffering with me & with all of us. I don’t deserve You, but I am so grateful that I can lean on You when life doesn’t go my way. You have a plan. You are enough. You have it under control. You are loving… even in the “even if….”

Shine HOPE by asking Him to help you know HOW you to even have joy in affliction & how to trust & follow Him, even in the “EVEN IF….”

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week.

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for over 4 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Infinity Earrings

These pure silver infinity hoop earrings with a subtle hammered-metal finish are handcrafted in Guatemala & are designed to coordinate with many of your other favorite styles from our Living Tapestry Collection. Each earring features a pure silver charm at the top of each infinity hoop that’s embossed with the fingerprint of the woman who made it!

—>Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in Guatemala.<—

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me to continue supporting them as well as continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

Learning New Ways

To be transparent with you all, I have been struggling lately. Not an all-the-time thing, but most likely as a result of removing many of my coping mechanisms I had built in order to handle my depression that were harmful in other ways (time draining or bad food).

Rebuilding heathier habits—as far as my coping mechanisms are concerned—has been a challenge for me & as a result, I have not so easily navigated my depression.

I Don’t Have a ”Why”

With my depression, I am not spinning out of control at this point, but am much more fragile & fall prey to Satan’s bullying much more easily. It has been emotional & confusing because when people ask “Why” for my random cry sessions, I often don’t know how to even answer because I honestly don’t even know an answer for myself.

I also find myself anxious for no reason when out shopping—I’m not nervous about the crowds or anything like that + I really enjoy shopping, even errands… but I find myself having to pulse my grip on my purse strap to keep myself from feeling panic that makes zero sense to me.

I typically, for the last few months, have felt the need to sit in my car for 10-15 minutes whether before heading into a store or even before going back inside once home, watching a few videos on my phone to bolster the motivation to even exit my car.

It’s been weird & hard to explain & without any noticeable reason for it. It’s hard to share because it can’t really be platitude(d) away, & it goes against any logic or reason.

The Secret Tears

Because of these reasons, I was afraid to talk about it, while pretending to smile through episodes so I don’t have to answer questions I don’t know how to answer. Smiling & making excuses to leave the room for “the restroom” or to ”grab a cardigan,” so I can escape to cry it out for a few minutes in private before taking a deep breath & continuing on with my day.

I’m not saying all this for pity, but to let you know that it’s okay to not be okay. God is enough for you both. ❤️

That’s When God Showed Me What I Needed

And when I took some time & prayed for help, God whispered over my heart that His Word is like nutrition for my soul. It may seem like a supplemental snack, but it’s my soul’s nutrition. And I have been consuming a saltine cracker’s worth each day, expecting to have the emotional strength to fight the battles that come through my life.

My heart got the message. I am stubborn & lazy with how I treat God’s Word in my life… acting as if I don’t NEED it.

But I do need it, whether I realize it consciously or not.

God’s Word Is Our Soul’s Daily Nutrition

I often think of God’s Word as an encouragement or even a chance to get to know God better or to know what honors Him or what I ought to be relying on Him for as my help.

But God’s Word, although it ”simply just” seems to be those things—basically a blessing that encourages & teaches us—it is so much more than that. It is our soul’s sustenance. God’s Word is our soul’s daily nutrition.

It’s not an optional, supplemental thing… it’s vital & necessary.

God’s Word Is Vital

Being in God’s Word, the Bible, is not just to get a dose of ”Jesus Loves You,” but also teaches us how to discern the lies of Satan, so we’re not as vulnerable to his lies, harassment, & bullying. It strengthens & bolsters us against his attacks so we can stand strong.

We may have our weaknesses, aside from the attacks of Satan, BUT, Satan is always on the lookout for how to exploit those weaknesses & kick us while we’re down.

And when things in life may go wrong (when does that ever happen?) being consistent in God’s Word keeps us firm & planted, reminding us to fall into the grace of God, through the help of the Holy Spirit. It is our soul’s healthy dose of nutrition.

Are You Malnourished?

If you feel like you’re always running on empty, short-tempered, low on patience… it is most likely a red flag alerting you of your need for more time spent reading & thinking on God’s Word, & talking to Him about anxieties, worries, fears, stressors, insecurities, & anything else.

When we struggle & feel battered by Satan’s kicks while we’re down, it is definitely a good time to take a self-check & some time in prayer to God for help & discernment to see whether or not it’s because we are malnourished with our daily intake of God’s Word.

So, take a moment to ask God for a quick check up to see where your vulnerabilities & weaknesses are currently under attack & ask for His help in being more consistent in reading & dwelling on His Word to help you stand strong when the strong winds of life blow.

My Prayer of Repentance… & for Help

“I’m sorry, God, for my pride & for thinking I have what it takes without Your Word as daily food to strengthen & grow my soul & to protect & guard me against the wiles of Satan’s cunning attacks. Please help me better grow this habit of spending time in Your Word & to honor You with how I consume Your Word—regularly & consistently. Help me better cling to Your strength & Your truth over my own. Thank You eternally for Your faithfulness & goodness to me despite my lacking any deserving for it. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Shine HOPE by understanding that it’s okay to not be okay… & that you NEED the nourishment of God’s Word DAILY in your life so you are ready when both the downs of life & the attacks of Satan may come.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week.

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for ovre 4 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Northern Lights Studs

These studs hold labradorite stone, displaying multiple captivating colors that vary in different exposures to light, just like the Northern Lights themselves.

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase! 

Purchase these studs & empower a woman in India!

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me to continue supporting them as well as continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

We’re All Broken in Our Own Way

For me, it’s always been easy to look at the highlight reel of other ladies’ lives on social media, especially those living to proclaim the grace of Jesus, & forget that they are broken humans just like me.

You may feel like ”broken” is a strong word, but their brokenness may be from wrong choices, rebellion from God, trauma of their past, etc., but every person has a form of brokenness… just like me.

Maybe you observe me & see my smiling face on my videos or my weekly blog posts, running for the last 4 years (how has it already been 4 years?!) & you mistakenly believe I am the something to strive for… as if I am the finished product & you’re the broken, work-in-progress.

But I assure you that it couldn’t be further from reality. We all have areas we’re stronger in than others & it’s easy to see those strong, already-grown-in-areas in others & forget that they also have weak areas, too.

God Helps Me in My Weaknesses & Human Brokenness

I may have stuck with this blog for 4 years, but not without a lot of procrastinating, kicking & screaming & then eventual submission to God’s help on my part.

And aside from my I’d-rather-just-skip-it-&-be-lazy tendencies, I have so many scars & hurt areas of my heart that God has had to lead me through.

Like we talked about last week, I had to be willing to submit those hurt areas to Him for help, but I wasn’t always willing.

The Pride of Refusing God’s Help

You would think if I was hurting, that I would quit my way for His, but oftentimes, I find comfort in my bitterness because it feels like it’s deserved. It is hard to trust my hurts to someone else, even if that someone else is God.

I want to feel angry when I’ve been hurt. I don’t want to let it go because it feels like I am letting the offender off the hook when I do.

Because of this stubborn pride, I created some of my own scars, just from refusing to be helped by God.

Some of My Many Scars Where God Helped Make Me Whole

I have been sexually assaulted by a friend whom I trusted.

I have struggled in the past with feelings that I was too fat & ugly to ever be loved.

When I was younger, I felt my identity was as “The Flirt” because I felt it was how I fit in… Trapped by a fear to never let my guard down to show the real me or risk losing my friend group.

I have gone through such loneliness that I refused to pray anymore because I was so bitter & angry that God didn’t make my discomfort go away, versus trusting Him to be my enough in it.

I have had to walk away from & break the heart of someone I loved because God clearly said NO, when I so desperately wanted Him to say yes, feeling the harsh sting of heartbreak.

I have felt lost & swimming through life, not knowing where I fit in or what my purpose was, not feeling clear direction in any certain way.

I have faced 2 years+ of depression in my past, where suicide thoughts were daily & I felt like my very existence was a burden on those I loved.

I have been betrayed by friends whom I trusted with my everything.

I could go on & on, but one very important fact must shine out to you from all of that—God has been faithful through every bit of it.

But, GOD IS FAITHFUL

I don’t have my life all together. I fail & choose wrongly way too often. I choose my “wisdom” over God’s more often than not. I am selfish & proud towards God, & have given Him far too many reasons to just quit on me & move on for good….

But God is faithful. He is patient & kind. He takes my brokenness & He makes me whole.

Every time I have faced any of those things, no matter how long it took me to come to Him—when I did, He was faithful & forgiving & all I needed through making me whole despite whatever it was.

I am where I am, running this blog & a social media community not because I am the prime example, but because despite my brokenness, He makes me whole.

He heals. He forgives. He restores. He gives purpose. He strengthens. He comforts.

He makes me whole.

God Makes Me Able

So, when you see some Christian woman leading a group to encourage women toward Jesus, even much more successfully than my humbly small little group, don’t look at her as the prime example either.

See her as a fellow human with broken parts made whole by the power & love & grace of Jesus, empowered & led by Him to serve Him as she does.

Every week, ashamedly, is a battle of the wills for me—Obey God or lay on the couch scrolling random videos on social media. Obey God or watch tv with snacks. Obey God or waste my time away doing literally anything else I can think of.

Do I submit typically? Yes. But not immediately, not without His help & sometimes not even willingly.

My Prayers Usually Sound Something Like:

“God, I’m sorry I don’t want to do this. I know it would maybe encourage others, if they even read it. I know maybe it points to you even though it feels no one cares. I know it’s important to be consistent & to keep showing up, to show that You are faithful, even when I fail. But I don’t wanna. I want to be lazy & selfish & have an easier time without work I don’t even get paid for. I don’t have a boss to answer to. I could just quit. I’m sorry for only wanting to think about myself & my ease. I’m sorry for such shallow motives. Please forgive me. Help me submit to You more readily. Help me do this. Help me to show up for You. HELP ME. I’m sorry I am so selfish. Please forgive me & please help me. My weakness for Your glory, always. In Jesus’ name, I pray: AMEN.”

Nothing Is Beyond His Reach

No matter how broken I have felt in my past, nothing has been beyond His reach… Nothing has been beyond His ability to heal & to turn to my good.

God is faithful. He loves you. He knows your broken parts & He can help make you whole.

Offer those broken parts of yours up to Him. Don’t shoulder them as ”just the way it is.”

Let Him take you broken parts & make you whole.

Don’t Hold God Back from Taking Your Broken Parts & Making You Whole

Do you feel trapped or controlled or limited by your broken parts?

Do you feel it’s “just the way it is”?

Do you look at others as “the finished product” versus a fellow work-in-progress?

Let God heal. Submit your weaknesses to Him & ask Him to work through them for His glory.

Ask God to help you trust Him more than “the way it is.”

Ask Him to help you see others through the lens of HIS glory through their human weaknesses versus their own supposed strength/glory.

And shine HOPE by trusting that God can take YOUR broken parts & make you WHOLE for HIS glory.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week.

A Note from Michelle:

Thank YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Zoya Earrings

Zoya means “shining, life” in Hindi. These stylishly stunning gold-toned earrings are handcrafted in India, featuring genuine freshwater pearls on a delicate linked-chain design. Every purchase provides fair-trade jobs in areas of extreme poverty in India.

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me to continue supporting them as well as continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

God Is Able… So Why Do I Resist His Help?

First of all, we all know, deep down or otherwise that God is capable of it all. He is infinite in His power, wisdom, & resources… so when I determine to respond to life in my own power & fall short in that while refusing His help, that is my sin fleshed out in my pride.

God’s been convicting my heart of this fact over the last few years—that when I refuse His help even for healing trauma/hurts—it’s actually sin.

Sometimes it’s easier to not ask for God’s help. Even when I hate the pain, I sometimes hate the idea of “letting someone get away with something by moving on” even more, or I find comfort in feeling justified to not let something go… & I sometimes even begin to wrap my identity around it, thinking, “Well, I’m just not the type of person to _______.”

I resist His help because I oftentimes think I am handling things “just fine” or “as well as can be expected.”

Hurts… Well… HURT

We all have hurts, whether it’s scars from bullying at school that we sort of subconsciously internalize in the back of our minds as adults, or whether they are hurtful words someone we care about once said recklessly that we now rehearse whenever an event triggers those hurts, or whether we make choices based on survival mode in reaction to something wrong or painful done to us or that we were subjected to.

And when all those types of things happen, it is only natural for me to develop a trigger response to help protect me from getting hurt again, disappointing others, embarrassing myself further, feeling like I don’t fit, or whatever the fear may be for that particular circumstance.

Hurts hurt & when they do… I do what I know to protect myself from further hurt.

The Natural Response Versus the Response with God’s Help

And it feels natural, these responses, because they are my natural defense mechanisms, often subconscious even… I am not consciously aware of & choosing to do it my way over God’s or anything like that… my brain just comes up with whatever feels like the best safety protocol & does it without much thought on my end.

This same sort of defense mechanism that we all employ in one way or another, doesn’t feel sinful or rebellious.

And, in some cases, in a way—it isn’t… It’s what we do with them that matters.

When We Learn God’s Way, We Have to Make a Choice Regarding Our Natural Response Versus His Help for His Way

But then, we learn God’s Truth about a matter. I hear Him say not to hold bitterness or whatnot & then I have a choice to make at that point—do I continue just reacting in my natural response to the situation?

Or do I take God’s commands/Truth & submit my response to His help & healing?

That’s where the sin generally becomes solid sin in those situations, because while I didn’t mean to be sinful in feeling bitter about a situation—it was just my natural, gut response to the pain trigger—once I hear from Him that I shouldn’t be bitter & that He is able to heal the brokenhearted, I have to choose to let Him… to do things HIS way over my gut reaction way.

I Often Choose Wrongly

So, how does that look in reality?

Typically, whatever my gut response is happens first, out of habit.

Then, I feel His nudge & a reminder of His Word about how I ought to handle it.

And then, I usually fight it, feeling justified in how I feel I want to react about it.

And eventually, I realize my way just seems to make me more miserable & I desperately ask God to help me see a different way… to help me do things HIS way, even if that may seem impossible to me in that particular circumstance.

My Triggered Response Often Becomes Mingled with My Identity As “Someone Who Just _____”

Sometimes my trigger responses become part of my identity & it seems impossible to change because “I am just that way,” or “that’s just how my heart handles that type of thing,” or, “that’s just what I’ve found helps me.”

It becomes so engrained in my gut response that it seems inseparable from ME. I begin to identify as a person who does whatever it is in that type of situation.

So, coming across God’s Word about whatever such things, can sometimes feel like a personal attack against me—like I can’t be ME… like I have to be FAKE to please God… like my NATURAL response or feeling is WRONG–& it is, because it’s led by my human flesh versus the wisdom of God.

But my identity is not in how I have subconsciously trained myself to deal with whatever trigger or trauma may present itself… it is in trusting God to know better than I do & that He can handle it better than I can–if I let Him help me His way.

I Need to Let Him Decide Because He Never Gets It Wrong

When God makes me aware of a poor way of handling something or of the fact that I am forming my identity around something that doesn’t actually need to define me, I feel attacked because it throws into question everything I think I know about myself & how to handle hurts.

And when what I know seems under attack… my comfort zone… that is usually where the rebellion & refusal to admit a need for change happens—the sin of it—because my pride tells me “that’s just who I am & I can’t help it,” while God says I shouldn’t determine what I should be, but rather let Him decide instead.

Our Benevolent King of Kings

But God always & only wants our good. Everything He does & commands centers around His love & goodness toward all of us. He is a very benevolent, almighty King—it may not always be the easy or comfortable choice—but it is most definitely always for our good.

I shouldn’t question or doubt Him. I shouldn’t rebel & make my refusal to accept His help turn into a sinful response.

I SHOULD just OBEY Him.

It’s not easy for me, I admit. I want to vet everything He asks of me, checking it out before I obey—pride is the root of every sin we commit, because it essentially says we think we know better.

I need to be willing to take my gut response, my “identity” that I have established, my trauma triggers, etc. & be WILLING TO SUBMIT THEM TO HIM.

A Prayer of Repentance & for Help with a Willingness to Accept His Help:

“God, please forgive me. I’m sorry that I cling to “my identity” or the “it’s just who I am” thoughts versus trusting You 100% ALWAYS know better than me. Help me submit those reactions to You. Help me not wrap my identity around anything besides what You created in me—Your Truth versus how I feel it ought to be. Please forgive me for refusing Your help sometimes & going on my gut versus Your limitless wisdom. Help me to better submit to Your help. Help me be more aware of when I need to make that choice. Help me choose to trust You to help me & to be willing to BE helped versus staying in my “understandable” bitterness or other wrong choices. You know best. Always. Help me to better trust that & to better submit to Your will, Your way, Your help, & Your healing. I love You. In Jesus’ name, I pray: AMEN.”

Ask Him for the HOW & for the HELP to Do It

So, if you feel trapped by a sin that “you can’t help or control,” when God says to do otherwise… don’t refuse His help.

Ask Him to help you see HOW to change & to walk you through it, trusting His will over your own.

Don’t let Satan deceive you into thinking you have to be that way, knowing that it’s God who can take your brokenness & make you whole.

Shine HOPE by letting God in & letting Him help you through whatever it may be.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts!***)

This blog/website has been running for almost FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Darling Charms Set

This set of six pairs of versatile & colorful ethically collected bone, clay, & metal charms are handcrafted in India by Artisans who are committed to fighting child marriage & providing opportunities for women to become financially independent as fair-trade Artisans. Designed to mix & match, create a new look each time you wear them with our Customizable Gold Hoops (shown) or your favorite bracelets & necklaces!

Every purchase supports vulnerable women in areas of extreme poverty in India.

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Are You Ever So Angry You Don’t Want to NOT be Angry?

Silly question, here, but… have you ever been angry with someone? How about SO angry that you don’t want to NOT be angry with them? Because, well, “they deserve it!”

Yeah, me too.

When I am low on sleep, (especially but not exclusively), I tend to be short-tempered. Not short-tempered in the sense of screaming & throwing a fit & road rage, etc. but more like smile while seething type of short-tempered.

Have you ever done that? Get so mad at someone, but you don’t want to show that you’re completely losing your patience, so you just grit your teeth until you can scream into a pillow later?

I have.

And when I am in that anger, there is no where else I would rather be. I sometimes don’t want to NOT be angry.

I Justify My Anger… But God Beckons Me to Entrust It to Him

No really, I know I cry & whine in my head about how much they are aggravating me or testing my patience & oh how I wish they wouldn’t put me through this turmoil… but really, deep down, I feel a gentle nudge from God that I want to justify away & into the oblivion.

God beckons me to trust Him in my anger. To ENTRUST it to Him. To ask for His strength & peace & for Him to hold me steady & sure with His faithful love. And to ask for His help in forgiveness & long-suffering, bear-with-one-another LOVE toward the other person (see also, “love your enemies & pray for those who persecute you.”) (Luke 6:27-28)

Well, that is usually the EXACT OPPOSITE how I think those situations ought to be handled. NO. Someone has to pay for their wrongs! They have to apologize & never do it again! They have to recognize THEY HURT ME & feel for me! I DESERVE TO BE ANGRY WITH THEM!!!!

Yeah, ^^^ a little glimpse there into that “nonexistent” short-temperedness I was talking about.

But God asks me to entrust it to Him. To let HIM handle it. To forgive.

God Wants to Help Me Through It… If I am Willing to Entrust My Anger & Hurts to Him

I’m not so great with the whole “be gracious & quick to forgive & love your enemies & pray for them” stuff. I often (okay, USUALLY) fail at bowing those hurts & that short-tempered anger to God for His help.

I know He wants me to find peace & rest by coming to Him with it. I know He wants to strengthen me & be my calm in the storm. I know He wants me to ask Him for help in forgiveness & patience & all that.

But I usually don’t quite feel like giving Him that.

I honestly thought for a good long while that I was justified in that. I mean, I can’t HELP that I feel that hurt & anger. I don’t TRY to be hurt or angry. It just HAPPENS.

But in the middle of that anger (or inner boiling rage depending on the time of month), God beckons me to trust Him with all of those bad feelings & to entrust it to Him for His help in it & through it.

Be Willing to Wave the Flag of Surrender (to God) When You Want to Raise a Battle Cry Instead

But I have to be willing to lay down that cry for battle, unclench my fists, take a deep breath & humble myself for God’s will & way over what I am feeling is deserved in any given moment.

If God lived by emotions, I would go straight to Hell. So would you & everyone else.

But thank God for JESUS—am I right? Thank You, GOD!

If anyone has a right to be mad at anyone, it’s God with us…. And yet… JESUS.

And as much as I sometimes HATE to admit it… Jesus died for other people’s mistakes, too… even the ones I really, really hate.

“But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

Let God Handle It

God tells us in Romans to leave room for HIS wrath (Romans 12:19), because He alone is the righteous Judge over heaven & earth… to let HIM handle it when others wrong us versus going vigilante on them in reality or your imagination.

I’m not good at it. I want them to see the pain they caused me when it happens. I want them to feel it & feel sorry & apologize, but that is selfish & oftentimes, wish as I may, that will never happen anyway because sometimes people are just clueless or just plain don’t care. And then that anger & hurt breeds into bitterness that begins a slow (or very rapid) rot in our hearts.

And God knows this.

He also knows that when WE hold on OURSELVES, that inevitably, we begin to build walls of self-protection, that prevent us from being vulnerable & gentle & open to others, distrust having built a moat around our willingness to serve & love others.

So, I need to learn to let God handle it.

A Prayer of Surrender

So my prayer is that God help me lay down my banner for war. That He help me unclench my fists & jaw. That He help me be willing to lay it all down at His feet & say:

“God, I know You know this already, but that really hurt me! I just want to scream & angry & hold in anger for them. I want them to see what they did in their reckless words or slander or whatever else. I want them to understand how wrong it was & apologize. I just feel so hurt & angry right now. But you tell me to be angry, without sin (Ephesians 4:26). You tell me to love my enemy & to pray for those who persecute me. I just feel I can’t, so please help me trust You in this hurt. Forgive them & forgive me for wanting to hold onto the rage myself versus trusting You with it. Help me to submit those hurts at Your feet & to be willing to receive help from You. You know best. You care for my hurt heart. Help me to know Your love can fill the hole they made, if I but let You. Help me trust You better. Amen.”

Am I Willing to Let Go of My Anger & Entrust It to God?

Are you quick to forgive or do you stuff it or rage or let bitterness simmer under the surface?

Are you willing to let God into the situation? Into the feelings of hurt & anger & ask for His peace, wisdom, strength, care, & help loving whoever feels like (or is) your enemy in the moment?

Ask yourself: Am I Willing to Let Go of My Anger & Entrust It to God?

Let God in. Ask for Him to step in. Ask for help in loving that other person. Let God’s love, through Jesus, WIN.

Shine hope by not justifying seething in hurt or angry feelings, but rather entrusting those feelings to God for His help in & through it.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts!***)

This blog/website has been running for almost FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Ellora Necklace Set (India)

This set of two adjustable gold-toned necklaces can be worn separately or together. Mixing classic styles together by layering freshwater pearl & a golden coin pendant make these delicate necklaces on-trend.

In India, poverty often leads to exploitation of vulnerable women in sweatshops. Every purchase provides these Artisans with fair wages, access to healthcare, education for their children, & care for elderly family members.

Purchase this necklace & empower an Artisan in India!

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Feeling Like a Grump

Have you ever had one of those days (or weeks) where you just feel cranky?

That’s me this week. I am more short-tempered & don’t feel like I have patience for “long-suffering patience” with others.

I feel teleported back to my teenage days where the popular saying was “talk to the hand.” I just don’t feel I have patience for anything or anyone.

How do I honor God in my interactions with others when I feel so grumpy & DONE?

How do I treat others kindly, serving one another in love? … When all I want to do is tune everyone out & hide under a blanket in bed?

I Want to Have a Temper Tantrum & Just Take a Nap

I guess I am not too much different than a little kid sometimes. Yeah, maybe I have grown in covering up my grumpiness most times & I can usually manage it more maturely, but sometimes I just really don’t want to bother.

Can you relate?

Whether it’s a series of unfortunate events, where stress is the culprit, throwing me off balance & building tension where there is otherwise ease… whether someone unexpectedly gets short with me… or whether it’s a lack of sleep or even PMS… some days just feel harder than others to get through with the sort of patient loving-kindness that God asks of me.

And being responsible in preparing healthier meals, doing my morning walks, spending time in prayer, doing a workout, or anything else even remotely beneficial to me feels like the absolute LAST thing I want to be doing when a bowl of ice cream & a tv screen seem so much more appealing.

I just want to take a nap.

Low Threshold for Annoyances &/or Inconveniences

Well, that’s been me these last several days. Of course, I have had some laughs & some good moments, but my threshold for things that aggravate or throw me off seems to be a lot lower lately & I don’t even know why—probably the inconsistent sleep I’ve gotten this week.

And yet, that doesn’t change the fact that I have to make a choice: Will I choose to honor God with this poor attitude, slumping into Him in defeat & asking for His help to do better when I don’t want to?

Or will I choose to say, “Forget it. I am going to eat bad as my high, avoid all responsibility, & not bother hiding my general annoyance with the world”?

What will I choose?

I Don’t Always Make the Right Choice

Well, I will tell you this much… I certainly don’t always surrender my bad attitude to God’s help.

I too often choose the second option.

I self-shield, blocking out anything that bothers me or doesn’t add to my comfort.

I self-soothe, rehearsing the annoyances in my mind, justifying my bad behavior & sour attitude.

I self-solve, turning to other things for a temporary “high” to make me feel better in the moment—like television, video games, food, mindless video-watching online (one after the other after the other until I finally look up from my phone & realize 3 hours have gone by).

What I often fail to do is self-surrender.

I Ought to Pray

I often fail to take all of that ick, all of that grumpy, impatient tension & surrender it at God’s feet in prayer, saying something like:

“God, hi, it’s me. I feel so ick lately. Everyone & everything is annoying me. I feel tense & frustrated & annoyed & I just want it all to leave me alone. I just feel tired. I don’t want to be nice when I feel like this. I want to let everyone know to leave me alone, closing myself off. But I know Satan uses that want against me. He knows I struggle with depression & all he wants is to isolate me until I am sinking in muck I can’t seem to escape. It feels justified though. It feels safe. But I know it’s a lie. I also don’t want Your help. I want to just ooze comforts over all the tension & block it out & ignore & avoid it. I don’t want to face it. I don’t want to deal with it. I want a “high” to boost my spirits—maybe ice cream or fast food… or mindless tv staring. But I know that won’t fix anything. It will hover over me… it will begin to become the thing I have to actively stuff into the bottom of my heart until it numbs me. God help me. Help me honor You in this ick. Help me not compromise. Help me not to turn to other things as my help or try to “fix” it my way. Help me trust You with it. Help be my strength & peace. Help me cling to You as my help. Help me treat others with patience & kindness, not taking out my bad attitude on anyone I come across. Help me express Your love to others even when I feel unloving. Fill in where I lack. Forgive me. Be my help. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

Some Days Are Just Plain Hard to Be a Nice Person… In My Own Strength

Some days are hard.

Some days I just feel like smacking everyone who even looks at me funny.

Some days I want to spend it hidden under a blanket in bed.

Some days I want to seek out that “high” that might make it feel all okay, at least for a little while.

Some days are just hard.

But God IS enough.

I Have to be WILLING to Accept God’s Help to Handle the Ick HIS Way

But frankly, I HAVE to be WILLING to ACCEPT His help, His way, His solution… & not just ASK for it!

Trust me, some days I just want to pray & have Him just fix it… in fact, most days that’s what I want to happen.

But sometimes, God wants to show me that He can be my peace & strength EVEN WHEN those storms still threaten to wreck me.

Just One of Those Days

So, when it’s just one of those days–cling to Him.

Determine to go to Him AND ONLY HIM as your help.

Let Him help you versus clinging to the, “but I don’t feel like it.”

Surrender to His help. LET Him help you.

He won’t force you, but He will certainly help you… if you are willing to ask for & accept it.

Shine HOPE—even on the dark days—by determining to LET HIM BE your HOPE, strength & peace… & to love others through you… even when you don’t feel like it.

Amen & amen.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts!***)

This blog/website has been running for almost FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Ellora Necklace (1 of 2 Shown–Hand-Crafted in India)

This set of two adjustable gold-toned necklaces can be worn separately or together. Mixing classic styles together by layering a freshwater pearl & a golden coin pendant (not shown) make these delicate necklaces on-trend.

In India, poverty often leads to exploitation of vulnerable women in sweatshops. Every purchase provides these Artisans with fair wages, access to healthcare, education for their children, & care for elderly family members.

Purchase this necklace & empower an Artisan in India!

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Truth Over Culture

We need to step out & be a little counter-culture here today. We need to recognize that just because something is permeating culture–no matter how “church-y” it may sound–it doesn’t make it true.

Have you ever heard someone quote the saying, “God would never ask you to do something unless He knew you could do it” or maybe “God asked you to do it because He knew you could do it”?

While well-meaning, these statements couldn’t be further from the truth. Let’s talk about it.

“My Grace Is Sufficient”

Even in dealing with a thorn in one’s side that you can’t seem to get rid of, as in 2 Corinthians 12:7-9, God asks us to do & face things all the time that we cannot possibly do… without Him.

And even things we THINK we can do just fine, are usually not done to their potential because we’re trying to do it withOUT Him… in our OWN strength or our OWN wisdom.

He wants us to recognize His help in our lives. He wants us to see our real need of Him.

And when we face seemingly impossible things, we are often forced to reckon with the fact that we CAN’T… & we’re given a beautiful opportunity to see His CAN.

When we stop relying on ourselves & our abilities, we see how much greater He is than us… How infinitely capable, even of the “impossible.”

God Knows That HE Is Able

The God-asked-you-to-do-it-because-He-knew-you-were-able lie is so prevalent on social media, seeing it on cute graphics shared even by Christian sources & can sometimes be heard in churches because it SOUNDS so true, but the important distinction to be made here is this:

God asked you to do it because He knew HE was able, NOT because you are.

We need to stop basing our lives on what we are capable of & begin framing everything around that of which HE is capable.

When I Face a Dead-End in His Lead… He Has a Plan

For example, I had no experience designing a website before this blog came to be, but I felt God’s nudge in this direction, & so I prayed & asked Him to provide the guidance & help I would need to follow His lead. And soon after, I came across an ad for training for just such a thing & in a budget with which I was comfortable!

God knew I couldn’t—I had no experience, no know-how, no means of carrying out His plan… But because I knew He had asked it of me, I knew also that He had a plan in place to make it happen.

Avoiding God’s Lead Because I Am Not Able

Another example… I have been avoiding helping with childcare at our church. First, it was because the monthly disappointment of no pregnancy, after months of working with a doctor toward that goal, was still fresh in my heart & working with others’ children felt like fresh jabs at still-healing wounds… but then it just got easy to avoid the uncomfortable… it became my cop-out.

I no longer felt the fresh sting of the childless hurt, but had grown so comfortable NOT having the task of childcare in my life… it almost became a “well, if I can’t have children, at least I don’t have to face any challenges of raising, teaching, or disciplining them (or changing diapers).”

Not having children became my excuse to not try intimidating-to-me tasks involving children.

Trusting God in My “But I’m Not Good At That….”

Mamas may not get this, but for me, I haven’t had to change a diaper in over 25 years maybe & have never had children of my own, so the idea of doing it for someone else’s kids just feels cringy & uncomfortable for me. I feel awkward. I feel out of place. I feel like passing the child onto the parent & saying, “it’s your kid, you do it.”

And when discipline becomes an issue, going from silly playtime to actually having to be the responsible-for-a-child adult, well, I freeze in very uncomfortable anxiety in my lack of experience with them.

But God has been nudging my heart, revealing this refusal-to-serve to me… showing me that I am hiding behind an excuse that no longer bothers me just to avoid doing something that is uncomfortable & awkward for me.

And He is asking me to trust Him in the gaps where I lack… To step out in faith that if He has asked it of me, He will also help me along the way as I ask for it.

Stop Avoiding the Hard… Stop Plowing through the Hard

I know maybe those may sound like silly, inconsequential examples in regards to your own life, but have you ever stopped to consider whether there is any area where you are digging in your heals because you think, “if I don’t feel capable of this, it must not be from God,” or maybe trying to plow through all of the discomfort, exhausting & straining yourself because you think, “God asked me to do it because He knows I am able”?

Let those thoughts go.

He DOES Ask Us to Do Things We CanNOT Do, Because He Knows HE Can

He does ask us to do things we feel are impossible for us.

He doesn’t ask us to do things just because He “knows we’re capable.”

He asks us because He knows NOTHING is impossible for HIM.

He asks us because He knows that HE is capable—even when we ourselves are lacking.

The God-Asked-You-to-Do-It-Because-He-Knew-You-Were-Able Lie

So, take a moment & ask God to show you where you may be sticking your palm to His face unknowingly because you feel incapable. And ask Him for help in trusting that HE is enough for any path down which He may lead.

Shine HOPE by doing as He leads, trusting that HE is ALWAYS able, EVEN when you’re NOT.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out the newly updated Resources & Recommendations page!***)

This blog/website has been running for over THREE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Silver Medallion Necklace

This textured silver-tone chain from India can be worn separately or layered with other necklaces from our One World Collection. The uniquely textured pendant adds the perfect artistic touch. Three length options allow you to choose your comfort & style.

Every purchase provides fair-trade jobs in areas of extreme poverty in India.

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Apologies Aren’t Easy

I am a stubborn person. I am also proud.

I struggle admitting wrongs…. And I justify this to myself because my wrongs are usually not intentional.

Maybe I’m tired & feeling overall just more critical of others.

Maybe I’m emotional & someone triggers a hurt or an insecurity tucked deep inside.

Maybe I am having a day filled with a series of unfortunate events & you are the last straw & therefore receive my pent-up frustration & anger that had been mounting throughout my day.

But I fool myself in the aftermath… “they know I’m tired, they get it…,” “they shouldn’t have said that to me to trigger that response…,” “they knew my day was rough, why did they have to make it even harder for me?”

… “They should have known better.”

Wronged or Not… I Choose How I Respond (or React)

But here’s the thing.

Maybe they did make my day worse somehow. Maybe they were being careless with their words & not mindful of how they would hurt me. Maybe they were having a bad day too & shouldn’t have taken it out on me…. But…

But, I still have a choice in how I respond.

I should have taken that hurt to God & asked for Him to help me respond in grace, trusting Him with my burdens & with help in my response… but I didn’t… And that’s on me.

Maybe it’s unpracticed to go to God when emotions rise & so I react without much thought, but that’s on me to practice patience, to practice leaning into God instead of taking it into my own hands, responding out of emotion versus God’s help.

Taking Ownership for My Part

Recognizing my part in it doesn’t justify the other person’s actions, but it DOES take personal responsibility for my OWN actions.

I have seen a post floating around the internet saying that we need to stop apologizing & instead THANK the other person, for example: Instead of, “I’m so sorry I’m late,” to say, “Thank you so much for waiting!”

Now, I get it. I understand what they’re trying to say… to show gratitude for the grace given instead of highlighting the negative in the situation.

BUT this needs to be used with discernment because there is a time for both.

If being late, for example, was entirely avoidable & yet I practiced poor time management or just wasn’t making any effort to prevent any wait on their part, an apology… an ownership of that wrong… is necessary. If it was unavoidable, I can maybe stick with the “thank you” since it was not of my own fault, but again… use discernment.

Words DO Hurt

I get it. There are some days that I feel I am at the end of myself & I just CAN’T with my day… & I’m sure it’s that much harder for moms who often don’t get a break & have to keep being a mom despite being at the end of their patience with that day (or that child).

But please hear me on this—ESPECIALLY with small children—THEY WILL REMEMBER YOUR WORDS. And for small children, those words are often internalized & help form their personal identity… & those words will echo in their mind every time they make a mistake, every time someone says something negative to or about them… “Mom said it first & if even my own mother feels that way about me deep down & wasn’t shy about saying it when she was upset, it makes sense that everyone else probably secretly feels that way about me, too….” those words will echo long into adulthood.

When someone reacts harshly & acts unkindly in times of emotional distress, it comes across as what they’ve been thinking all along.

And for children, oftentimes those words become their own inner dialogue, the measure they use to determine if they’re even worth being loved or wanted by others. “If I annoy my own mom enough for her to say those things, it’s only a matter of time before others realize it, too… what can I do to make people like me more & overshadow my bad qualities so they think I’m worth it & won’t leave me or be annoyed with me?”

And oftentimes, those words create a hole that they try to fill in all sorts of ways, trying to prove to themselves that those words weren’t true (or distract from it if they were true). Maybe they compliment or give gifts. Maybe they flirt & show more skin. Maybe they drink & try drugs. It’s all to cover the flaws & be wanted.

Be careful with your words. Bow your raging/swirling emotions to God. Respond with grace. And APOLOGIZE where needed. Because I promise your words DO matter.

Repent, Pray, Apologize

When I refuse to apologize I dishonor & hurt God.

When words hurt others, it causes division, unrest, & pain. And when my pride keeps me from owning up to my part, I am letting the other person hurt, hoping they’ll just forget about it so I can move on freely… just to save face.

But they know. They remember (even if they’ve forgiven you). And so does God.

So please, PLEASE, apologize to your spouse, your child, your friend, & anyone else. Practice turning to God in your distress, anger, frustration, & exhaustion versus lashing out or taking out your frustrations on others.

Make a POINT to apologize. Don’t just move on & hope they understand you were just misbehaving because of a bad mood… because oftentimes it seems more that the truth finally came out & everything else you say could have its sincerity measured by the words you spoke in those times of anger, frustration, or exhaustion.

Repent. Pray. Apologize.

Who Do You Need to Apologize To?

Does anyone come to mind as you read this?

Maybe you’re thinking of your own inner dialogue & hurts & insecurities that you’re trying to parse through yourself because someone you love never took ownership & apologized to you.

Maybe you feel a pang of guilt because you know you’ve done this to someone else…. & you never said “I’m sorry I hurt you because I was hurting. That was wrong & I’m sorry. I should have taken it to God in prayer, but instead, I took it out on you. That was my fault & not yours & I’m sorry.”

Pray about it. Be honest with yourself. Own your part, even if they also played a part. Own your part.

And apologize. Restore the brokenness caused by your carelessness &/or pride.

It’s Never Too Late… Until It Is… Don’t Allow Satan a Foothold in Someone Else

Don’t allow Satan to exploit those reckless words in the heart of the receiver.

Apologize to God & ask Him for the words & courage & the opportunity to restore the wrong you made.

And it’s never too late. Maybe years have passed & you feel it’s too late to go back & resurface that situation. But if they are rehearsing those words in their own heart, you most likely will NEVER know it. They may not even recognize that they are still holding on to it.

So, no matter how long it has been or how justified you feel it was… if you did not respond kindly, with patience, in a God-honoring way… take ownership for your part & apologize for that.

*Oh, the freedom it brings when you apologize! It sets that captive free! It smashes that hurtful, damaging inner dialogue to pieces & prevents Satan from using it any longer in their heart! It sets the captive free!*

The Power of an Apology

I know it’s hard & painful & maybe even embarrassing. It feels icky & doesn’t make us look so great.

It’s humbling.

But honor God by apologizing for your part.

Shine HOPE by recognizing the power of an apology & by releasing the chains you may have unknowingly shackled onto someone else’s heart in your own time of hurting or distress.

Shine HOPE by saying, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that, no matter how mad or frustrated I was, it wasn’t right & I’m sorry for taking it out on you instead of taking it to God. Please forgive me.” Restore. Rebuild. Apologize.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out the newly updated Resources & Recommendations page!***)

This blog/website has been running for over THREE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Darling Charms Set (India)

This set of six pairs (yellow tassels & circular, hammered golden plates shown) of versatile & colorful ethically collected bone, clay, & metal charms (pearls not included) are handcrafted in India by Artisans who are committed to fighting child marriage & providing opportunities for women to become financially independent as fair-trade Artisans. Designed to mix & match, create a new look each time you wear them with our Customizable Gold Hoops (shown in photo) or your favorite bracelets and necklaces (Shown: Long Chain Necklace-golden)!

Every purchase supports vulnerable women in areas of extreme poverty in India.

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

What Is Forgiveness?

Maybe you have heard me mention this before, but I have always struggled with this whole topic of forgiveness.

It’s not that I was trying to hold everything against everyone, it’s just that I didn’t understand it.

So, like most things I don’t understand, I have also been praying about it & asking God to help me understand this better.

Is Saying, “I Forgive You” Enough?

When I say that I didn’t really understand forgiveness, one of the reasons for this was because I couldn’t figure out if I was ACTUALLY forgiving someone when I was meaning to.

For example, I understood that saying “I forgive them,” is not the same as actually forgiving them, try as I might to be a “good Christian girl” & “forgive” out loud, it doesn’t count if I am inwardly seething, secretly rooting bitterness in my own heart.

And, since it doesn’t seem to make all the hurt stop when I forgive someone, I wondered if I was ACTUALLY forgiving them or just WANTING to “do the right thing.”

Forgiving Is Hard Sometimes

Another problem I suffered from was not wanting to forgive someone who seemed to not think they needed it one single bit. Say, for example, someone who I believed to love me but who harshly criticized me, thinking it was justified. (See: “Speak the truth, IN LOVE”—NOT one without the other.) (Ephesians 4:14-15)

“Though I speak with the tongues of men & of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.” (1 Corinthians 13:1)

When someone hurts me intentionally or unintentionally hurts me when in a bad mood (collateral damage) & then thinks because they were upset or because whatever reason, it was okay to hurt me… I really struggle to forgive there, if I am honest.

So, on one hand, I actually struggled WANTING to forgive in those situations, while also not being sure whether I forgave truthfully… because I could still feel the pang of deep hurt in my heart when the topic came up.

“The Unforgiving Servant”

I believe I have already covered not WANTING to forgive others, in my previous blog post: “Dealing with Unforgiveness,” based on the parable Jesus told the disciples in Matthew 18:21-35, in talking about how even if the person who hurt me sees complete justification in hurting me because of a “bad day” or whatever, & even if, in seeing their actions as wrong I want to hold on to it & treat their actions with the contempt it deserves… that God ALSO sees it was wrong, DOESN’T need me to hold on to it for Him, AND can handle the situation & their heart-change MUCH better than I can.

THAT is how we can forgive, even when they aren’t remorseful one single bit. Because we can trust a HOLY & JUST God to handle it far better than we ever could…. AND because He forgave US an even bigger debt that was against HIM.

But, that still doesn’t address the other side to my struggle to understand forgiveness: Is it really considered forgiveness, if afterwards I still feel hurt inside my heart? Can I honestly say I have let it go if I am still hurting?

And God has helped me SO much with understanding this very thing.

God Hears Our Prayers & Leads Us

This last Sunday, we weren’t able to attend church because our pastor was sick & these days, you have to be a little extra careful, so, my husband & I tuned in to my parents’ church online.

Back in June/July, we attended Grace Baptist Church, in Virginia, & had the privilege of listening to the pastor’s series then on the Lord’s Prayer, from Matthew 6:5-15. Well, we weren’t around for the entire series (All SO good–convicting AND encouraging), so this past Sunday, I tried to find where we had left off in that series.

But, in God’s perfect providence, I got the date wrong & selected one we had already heard. And guess what the topic was… Yep: FORGIVENESS.

God knows our hearts & what we need! And HE guides us as we seek Him as our help!

Anyway, ten minutes in or so, we figured it out, but we were encouraged by the message & felt it was good & worthy of the reminders, so we continued on anyway… & boy am I so glad we did!

God is so great. I had ALREADY heard this sermon, & yet it somehow took on new life in my heart this time around. (Much like God’s Word! We may not understand something, but the more times we read it through, as we seek His guidance & growth, the more it is illuminated in our hearts. His LIVING Word! (Hebrews 4:12))

I am so thankful for this, because as I listened, God answered my question of how I could say I have forgiven if I still hurt.

(You can find the first sermon in this series by going to Gracehome.org, clicking menu, clicking sermons, & in Categories, beginning on June 6, 2021– or, click HERE to download this particular sermon that I am referencing today.)

How to Know If Your Forgiveness Is Genuine

The pastor reminded us of what forgiveness IS: forgiveness is canceling a debt, saying they don’t owe you for their wrong against you anymore. Forgiveness is taking a loss. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself & to the other person, by not holding it over their head.

But, in forgiving the other person, not holding their wrong against them as a debt owed you, it doesn’t mean there won’t still be a wound left behind that needs healing.

And how do we heal? We take that wound to God & ask Him to help heal you… ask Him for guidance on how to heal that wound.

So, how do you know if you have honestly forgiven someone, versus just SAYING you forgive them because God TELLS us to forgive others? (Matthew 18:21-22; Ephesians 4:32; Matthew 6:14-15)

Ask yourself: “Am I still holding this against them? Do I still feel like they owe me something for this wrong?”

If you answered, “yes,” then you haven’t sincerely forgiven them.

If you answered, “no,” but you still feel a sharp ache left behind in your heart, then ask God to help you address it & heal from the hurt caused you.

God Heals the Brokenhearted

I get it. There are some hurts that run pretty deep in my heart. And although I can honestly say I am not holding it against them anymore, it doesn’t change the fact that their words left scars on my heart that still ache at times.

But God is our Healer. He is wise & able. I can trust Him to heal me & grow me, to work “all things together for the good of those who love Him & are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28) I can trust Him.

“He heals the brokenhearted & binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3)

“…being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;….” (Philippians 1:6)

What Does It Mean to Forgive?

If that hurt cuts so deeply that you really wrestle against wanting to forgive that person, I get that… I really do.

But in that unwillingness to forgive, we need to repent. We need to confess that bitterness to God & ask for forgiveness from Him.

We need to be careful not to become the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18, wanting forgiveness, but unwilling to give it. God forgave us SO MUCH. We DESERVE Hell & yet He offers grace through the SACRIFICE of Jesus on our behalf, who DIED for it (& rose again).

God commands us to forgive because He knows we are forgiven despite being undeserving. And because He knows a lack of forgiveness only causes even more pain.

We can trust His judgements. We can trust His will. We can trust His commands.

But even if we don’t FEEL like we can trust Him, we should still obey because feel it or not, HE IS RIGHT… 100% always.

Shine HOPE by offering forgiveness, even if it isn’t deserved, because God in Christ forgave you.

“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week.

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for THREE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Customizable Hoops (Golden) (India)

Designed to wear alone or to customize by adding mix & match charms like our Darling Charm Set (golden discs from set shown), these classic gold-tone hoops from India are a versatile & stylish must-have accessory! Each hoop features an “easy-on & easy-off” open hoop design to make switching up your style simple & quick! Every purchase supports families in areas of extreme poverty in India.

(Darling Charm Set sold separately.)

In India, poverty often leads to exploitation of vulnerable women in sweatshops. Every purchase provides these Artisans with fair wages, access to healthcare, education for their children, & care for elderly family members.

Purchase these earrings & empower an Artisan in India!

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

The Subtlety of Sin

My heart has been convicted recently: I struggle to praise God when I struggle.

Maybe you can relate to that? Or maybe my confession seems reasonable & not necessarily something to even feel convicted about.

But it is.

Why? Because the difficulty I consistently experience in praising God in my storms expresses that those are areas where I don’t trust Him.

As if to say, “because this didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to, God must not [care/be able to do better/know what He’s doing/etc.].”

Praise expresses the exact opposite opinion of God. Praise says, “because this didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to, God must [care enough to do His better plan over mine/ have a better plan than mine/know better than me/etc.].“

The Dangers of Refraining from Praise

But, as I mentioned, I have been feeling convicted about this because rather than praise, I complain. And not only does complaining show my lack of trust in God, but it opens myself to be vulnerable to Satan’s exploitation of my lack of trust in God.

Opening myself to Satan’s attacks means I am more vulnerable against my struggle with depression, with fear & anxiety & worry. It means I get easily frustrated &/or imbittered.

It makes me doubt God & begin to pull back from Him rather than drawing nearer.

Praise Him in the Storm

We are called to praise Him, even in HARD times, because it puts God back on His throne in our hearts. It reassures us that God has a plan & He knows what He’s doing… that He very much DOES care. It puts our trust back in Him & not in either our circumstances or in ourselves.

And not only does it return God to His rightful place as God in our hearts, but it serves to comfort & reassure us, knowing no matter how hard it is–it’s in His hands.

How Can We Praise Him When It Hurts?

But HOW can I PRAISE while I weep? How can I praise Him while my heart breaks & pain courses through me relentlessly, in the MIDST of great loss or heartache? How can I praise Him while I am hurting?

Prayer. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

Draw near to God & He will draw near to you. (James 4:8)

Resist the devil & he will flee from you. (James 4:7)

The Holy Spirit interprets the groanings of our hearts. (Romans 8:26-27)

TURN TO God when pain hits. Ask for His comfort & wisdom & guidance & peace IN IT. (Proverbs 3:6)

And start reminding yourself of Truth… Truth of WHO GOD IS. (Psalm 77:11; Psalm 105:5)

Let the Words of My Mouth… Be Acceptable in Your Sight

“Let the words of my mouth & the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength & my Redeemer.” (Psalm19:14)

God, You are Almighty (Isaiah 6:3). God, You work ALL things together for the good of those who love You & who are called according to Your purpose (Romans 8:28). You are GOOD (Luke 18:19). You saved me from Hell (John 3:17). You paid my debts (John 3:16). You rescued me (Galatians 1:4). You heal & bind up wounds (Psalm 147:3). You are my Strong Tower (Psalm 59:9). You are my Refuge & Strength & very present Help in time of need (Psalm 46:1). You are with me always, even to the end of the age (Matthew 28:20). You are eternal (Deuteronomy 33:27). You alone are God (Psalm 83:18). Your ways are higher than my ways (Isaiah 55:8-9). Nothing can separate me from Your love (Romans 8:38-39). You are amazing God!

PRAISE Him IN the storm! Turn your eyes to Him. PRAISE HIM.

Will I Praise Him in the Storm? Do I Trust God?

Do you trust Him? REALLY trust Him? Even when all seems to be falling apart?

Do you trust Him?

Shine HOPE into your own heart in the midst of dark situations by determining to trust Him & praise Him—even in the storm.

((NOTE: To read several verses about what God’s Word, the Bible, says about PRAISE, check out this link. (I cannot vouch for this website as a whole because I am not familiar with it, but I found this compilation of verses to be a good resource. Or, try a concordance or an internet search about PRAISE in the Bible.))

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week.

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for THREE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Northern Lights Studs (India)

These studs hold labradorite stone, displaying multiple captivating colors that vary in different exposures to light, just like the Northern Lights themselves.

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase these studs & empower a woman in India!

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!