I have talked about this before on my blog, but, considering last week’s topic of “How I Let My Light be Dimmed,” I thought it was appropriate to talk about it again because it seems to be something that is quite often confused.
Confidence is NOT the opposite of humility. In fact, true humility will breed confidence.
Pride is the opposite of humility. Timidity is the opposite of confidence. But humility & confidence, in their truest sense, will always exist harmoniously.
Why is that? Because true humility recognizes that we deserve nothing, that anything good in us is of Jesus Christ–not us, & that our true strength & worth come from Him alone.
And when you recognize that very true fact, it breeds true confidence, because true confidence is knowing that because all of that is true, even if you feel completely unfit & incapable, you know that He can do all things, so anything HE calls you to, HE will get you through.(God didn’t tell Moses to brush up on His turning water to blood skills… He told Him to be His mouthpiece & to let HIM do the miracle.)(Exodus 4:21)
I Don’t Handle Stressors Well
I became timid, more & more timid, over the last 10 years. And, as I mentioned, timidity is not the opposite of pride, but of confidence. Timidity says my faith in what God is capable of has waned.And that’s not a good thing.
No wonder I am so whiny all the time. No wonder I feel like I have to “self-medicate” my way through stress by turning to anything that makes me feel a sense of comfort, like binging tv, games, etc.
No wonder I often feel so beat up by life.
Honestly, I have been struggling. It’s come in waves… Guam last time… Hokkaido… healing beginning in Misawa… then a very rough year all around last year. Life has beat me up quite a few times over these past 10+ years.
Life Beat Me Up, So I Chose ME–Wrong Move
I have become terrible at dealing with stress. I feel like a weak, broken version of myself sometimes & it just feels upsetting. Tack on there my bad back & waves of really low energy days sometimes… & I just so often feel like a victim rather than a VICTOR in CHRIST.
I cry a lot more than usual. I feel despair & to be gruesomely honest, some hard days I just dream of having a heart attack so my weak self doesn’t have to feel so weak anymore & I can just enjoy heaven already. I feel too weak for this world sometimes.Too frail.
But doesn’t that really speak to the fact that my humility isn’t quite where it ought to be? My confidence is so frail because my humility is not right. I am thinking I need to fix it, but can’t… versus trusting His provision, care, & strength to be sufficient, even in the even if.
Because, if I better recognized where my true strength comes from, I wouldn’t be so sniveling & ready to die. I would be confident because I would know my strength is not determined by my strength, but by HIS.
Of Course I Need Him
It is true. Some circumstances, I have prayed & had the wisdom to see my need to call out to Him & He has helped me & I have sought to share testimony of that publicly whenever possible so that He may receive the glory & so that others may be reminded of their mutual need of Him.
It has not all been woe-is-me awful… but the general sense of me is almost this beating up of myself over & over again for always needing help-–as if reality for all of humanity is not all about needing His help every moment of every day, always.
When Life Hits Me Hard, I Just Want Heaven
Now, before you go worrying about me, I am not thinking about dying every day, all day. But when hard, stressful, or hurtful things slap me out of nowhere, through my secret, hidden tears, all I can think about is, “God, can I please just have a heart attack, die, & go to Heaven to be with You? I don’t want to feel this broken anymore.”
I’m not suicidal. But sometimes I really want to die. So morbid, I know… but it’s the truth. Not all the time, but when life hits me hard, I just want Heaven. That’s “my truth.” (If you were hoping to read my blog this week for a quick pick-me-up, well, I’m really sorry.)
My Prayer
“God, forgive me. My pride really has snuck up on me slowly & taken way too much from me. I actually have had the audacity of believing that because I don’t measure up… because people have been really critical of me… because others made me question whether or not to worship You because I became too afraid of ‘what if I’m doing it wrong’… because life was really hard & didn’t stop being hard… because others were unkind & hurtful to me… because life hit me hard with a brutally hard move & a super typhoon… that because of all that, I really thought I needed to take the reins of my life back, that maybe I wasn’t the “enough” I was supposed to be.…
… It wasn’t a conscious decision… it wasn’t a choice I mulled over & decided on… but I made the choice all the same…. I chose to trust me.What I could see, the hurt I felt, the confusion I felt, the hopelessness I felt.I chose to trust me.…
… Please forgive me, LORD. Please help grow my confidence through humility. Help me to rest in You so much that I have the confidence to face ANYTHING, knowing YOU are the reason for that confidence—not me. In Jesus’ worthy name, AMEN.”
Bye-Bye Humility Leads to Bye-Bye Confidence
Well, there it is. Now I know why I have felt so weak & fragile & broken so often lately.
Because I am… & because I have been trusting in what I thought I should be able to handle… trusting in me instead of Him.
Bye-bye humility leads to bye-bye confidence.
“Lord, I need You, oh, I need You… every hour I need You. You’re my One defense, my Righteousness… Oh LORD, how I need You.” (“Lord, I Need You” song by Matt Maher)
Shine HOPE, by breeding TRUE confidence in your life… confidence bred from a humility in recognizing that anything good or strong in you is from HIM, & because that is so, you can do & get through ANYTHING a VICTOR rather than a victim.
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.
Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
A Note from Michelle:
(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)
This blog/website has been running for over 5.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!
Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world!Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Desert Sage Studs (INDIA)
(Shown: Desert Sage Studs, handmade in India. Every purchase of these handmade studs empowers women in India out of poverty!)
LIMITED EDITION – While Supplies Last! These dainty Desert Sage Studs from India feature a topaz circle set in a silver setting. Perfect for everyday wear, the adorable studs create lasting change for families in India. Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty where vulnerable women are often exploited by sweatshops.
How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:
#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!
Well, I’m starting this day off right… with a headache.
I used to think that worship was: me at my best, with a smiling face, wearing nice clothes, in church before the service, singing to the worship songs led by the praise team.
Of course, there was also me singing in my car to worship music as well.
But all of it was usually me at my best, singing (with a smile) to God.
In a Whole Heap of Pain? WORSHIP Him
I still remember a couple years ago, when I was attacked by an animal & had to rush to the hospital… recovering from the trauma of that, feeling newfound fear I had never had to deal with before of whether or not it would happen to me again because the attack was so unexpected.
As I was praying for peace & comfort from the fear & trauma response I was dealing with, God’s answer caught me off guard.He impressed upon my heart to worship & praise Him.
How unusual a solution to all of the inner pain & fear that was knocking around inside of my heart… how insensitive a solution it seemed.
But after many more prayers basically of, “well, obviously THAT can’t be the real solution You are offering… so… what else?” Well… God kept repeating the same solution over my heart. “Worship me. Praise me.”
Then, there was the time, 15 ish years ago, when I was helping at some youth group whatever & the praise team seemed more like a mini rock concert of teens leading & feeling uber spiritual while getting to feel like popular rock stars among their fellow teens.
It felt icky listening because I can sometimes get a sense for how people are feeling & they were just oozing “LOOK AT ME!” while leading WORSHIP to GOD.
I had a hard time singing along. I prayed about it a lot because it really messed with me seeing self-absorbed reactions instead of humble worshippers on stage.
But, in one of the teen services, something smacked me in the face as I prayed during this time once again. “Whether or not THEY are genuine should not impact whether or not YOU are genuine in your worship.”
Ouch.
Worship Anytime Anywhere to Any Song
And again, in conversation with one of my former pastors, a friend of ours, he expressed quite a controversial thought… that ANY music can become worship.
At the mall with no choice over the play list? You can worship God to it in your heart.
How? Well, imagine the song is about LOVE. Who created us to experience such a wonderful feeling? God. Imagine it’s about having a good day. Who is the author of all good things? God.
And you know what? I am going to take it a step FURTHER to be even MORE controversial than he was…. What if they’re singing about something sinful? Gasp… you can thank God for saving you out of such a life. Worship.(Would I intentionally listen to something that promotes things that dishonor God? No. But if I am around as it is playing in a public space, even then, I can choose to worship.)
AND… flipping this idea on its head & making it even MORE controversial… you can sing actual Christian worship songs & actually be devoid of any worship at all. (Read more about that, here: “Does Our Worship Reflect Self-Glory?”)
Worship Is Not Exclusive to Singing to or Listening to Music
You see, worship is not some pre-packaged set of worship songs sung before a church service while being led by a hands-raised praise team.Worship doesn’t even require music at all.
True worship is actually a heart posture.
True worship is a bowing down of SELF & a lifting up of HIM.
It says, “Not I, but Christ.”
It says, “Whatever You will, LORD.”
It says, “Come what may, I will trust You IN the hard.”
It says, “Above all, You are worthy to be praised!”
It takes our focus off of this world… off our desires… off our needs… off ourselves….
And onto Him.
THAT is worship.
Come What May, He Is Worthy to be Praised
It does not mean being fake. Don’t get me wrong on this. It is not a, “I feel terrible, but I have to be ‘Christian-y’ & make God happy & do right responses to get Him to help me or so I don’t look like a ‘bad Christian.’”
No. It is an intentional heart posture that bows down before His figurative throne/feet & says, “Lord, You are God & I am not. You are worthy to be praised despite my circumstances. Help me to trust in You come what may because You deserve it whether I feel like it or not right now.”
What Is Worship?
Loving others for His sake is worship. Serving others for His sake is worship. Bowing your will to the benefit of others for His sake is worship.
Giving for His sake is worship. Generosity for His sake is worship. Sacrifice for His sake is worship.
Doing hard things for His sake is worship. Obedience to Him is worship.
Turning to Him instead of others/other things is worship. Bowing your bad attitude to be humbled & changed for His sake is worship.Bowing your life to be used by Him is worship.
Living your life seeking to please & honor Him is worship.
Coming to Him after failure & sin & trusting on Jesus to be sufficient even then is worship.
Sobbing as you cry out to Him in the worst of pain, trusting Him as your source of comfort & peace is worship.
Worship Is Messy Sometimes
Worship is messy sometimes.Worship says that no matter what we face, He is worthy to be praised.
And you know what? That time, after I was attacked by an animal & God responded to my prayers for help by asking me to worship? When I finally stopped questioning His response & stopped asking for the next option… & I worshipped Him in my clenching, aching heart… I felt the burden begin to lift from my heavy heart.
My heart was being comforted in remembering how greatly He is to be praised despite my circumstances.That He had me. That He was in control. That He would heal. That He would comfort. That He would love me through it.
Worship lifted my focus from my wrenching pain to His wonderful glory.
Worship Doesn’t Always Have to Look Pretty
I mean, have you read the Psalms? They are not all pretty, sunshine, & rainbows.But they are all worship.
Worship is messy sometimes. Sometimes it’s with a heavy heart & a tear-stained face. Sometimes it’s when the hard hasn’t even begun to stop yet. Sometimes it doesn’t make everything get better right away.
But it lifts our focus from the mire & clay & ASH… to His wonderful, loving, powerful, gracious, worthy & deserving face.
My God Is an Awesome God, He Is Worthy to be Praised
My God is an awesome God
He is worthy to be praised.
When my sin demanded payment.
Jesus took my place.
I deserve the pits of Hell,
But Jesus died to save.
When all in life seems to die,
And nothing seems to be okay.
My Jesus died to give me life.
My joy is here to stay… come what may…
My God is an awesome God.
He is worthy to be praised.
AMEN!
Even When I Have a Headache
So, why did I start this blog off by randomly mentioning a headache before moving on with this discussion about messy worship? Because even when I am not at my best, even when I don’t feel so great… I can choose to bring Him glory & to worship Him through even that, by choosing to lift up His name even when I am feeling low.
Shine HOPE by turning your eyes to Him & offering Him worship in every season of life, good or bad, plenty or lack, joy or pain, comfort or suffering. He is worthy to be praised!
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.
Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
A Note from Michelle:
(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)
This blog/website has been running for over 5.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!
Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world!Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Colorwave Earrings (East Asia)
(Shown: Colorwave Earrings, made in East Asia. Every purchase of these earrings helps sex trafficking survivors in East Asia earn an income.)
Beautiful swirls of multicolor resin make these Colorwave Earrings mesmerizingly fun and fashionable! The oval shaped resin hangs from a 14K gold plated stainless steel earring hook creating a stunning look, perfectly adding an extra pop of color to your style! These ethically made earrings support women rescued from brothels.
*****Every purchase provides safe housing, health care, trauma counseling, job skills training, and dignified income for sex trafficking survivors in East Asia.*****
How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!
Do you know why I think Christianity doesn’t seem to “stick” for some people? Why either they start out following Jesus & then turn away… or whether they just don’t want to accept Him at all in the first place?
Because the fleshly nature does not chill out once you become a Christian.In other words, you still want what you want sometimes, even if you know you shouldn’t want it.
Paul talks about this war with the flesh… doing what he doesn’t want & not doing what he wills to do. (Romans 7:15-20)
It’s talked about in 1 Peter: “… abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul….” (1 Peter 2:11b)
And in James… “But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.” (James 1:14-15)
And in Luke: “… they go out and [the truth they’ve heard] is choked with cares, riches, and pleasures of life, and brings no fruit to maturity.” (Luke 8:14)
I mean, I have been a Christian for 35 years now & I feel it still.And whenever I think I am finally immune to it… there it is again.
Denial of Self Is HARD Some Days, Isn’t It?
Why do I think Christianity doesn’t seem to “stick” for some people?
Because it requires & calls us to a constant denial of SELF… & we, as humanity, tend to really like SELF.
Whether it’s us doubting God’s Word as valid “enough” or logical “enough” because it makes no sense to us or seems to oppose what we perceive of the way things “actually” work….
Whether it’s going through cruel circumstances that seem to rip you to shreds & leave you so broken that you question how a good God Who claims to love you could do this…. (Read Job.)
Whether it’s facing hard that won’t ever seem to stop & you just want to numb or cling to easy instead of consistently having to turn to God as your help. Feeling consistently insufficient is HARD.
Whether it’s living the day-to-day with the desire to live it YOUR way with no shame or guilt hovering over your head like a dark, annoying cloud.
SELF-denial is HARD sometimes. Can I get an amen? Because I FEEL this sometimes. I have been through seasons of ALL of the above… & more.
Self-denial some days feels to be obviously the best option (because, really, it actually IS),while other days it can feel frustrating & awful.
God Calls the Shots… Not Me
Christianity requires self-denial. We have to come to the end of ourselves, recognize that the ONLY real, true standard is set by the God Almighty Who made it all & Who is outside time & space, that it’s His world, whether it makes us comfortable or not… & as such, He alone gets to set the standard,whether we agree with it or not… & that we can never live up to said standard 100% of the time perfectly because we are sinful people… we choose US even in small ways & often in big ways… that we can’t save ourselves from the wrath of God that we deserve because of this… & finally, an accepting of the free gift of Jesus paying for our sins on the cross & rising again victorious over our sin & death.
A ”Not I, but Christ,” attitude & heart posture.
And yes, the freedom & forgiveness that fills in all of those rotting spaces in our soul is refreshing & freeing & wonderful. It is beyond worth anything we may in turn forsake to glorify Him instead of ourselves.
But afterwards… our fleshly self doesn’t just take a hike for good… it just doesn’t have the final say anymore. It doesn’t automatically win anymore. It doesn’t have full control. … But it still wants it sometimes.
But giving God full control is a very, very good thing… because God’s standard, get this… is ALWAYS for OUR good & HIS glory. Always.
Why Do I Still Wrestle, Then?
So, why do I have to be so annoying? Why do I still wrestle with SELF trying to win when HIS way ALWAYS proves better in the end?
I’m like a little kid who screams, “I DO IT!” sometimes when God tries to direct me His way.
Or sometimes I think on what He calls me to & I think… “but being on the couch in my pjs seems much better… let’s go with that instead.”
Or, I think to myself, “They don’t DESERVE that! Why would I do that for them or why would I forgive THEM?!!?” (See “Unforgiving Servant” story in the Bible in Matthew 18:21-35, as well as all of the book of Jonah.)
Or, I am so cranky from my alarm waking me from that cool dream & that relaxing state of sleep that I just don’t wanna ANYTHING. (Repenting over the grumpies is an unfortunately very real morning routine for me, folks.)
Or, I want to grab a snack, pop on the tv, play a game, or literally anything else to quell my restless, stressful thoughts because it’s instant gratification rather than praying for help & maybe being told to “go for a walk” or something way less instantly gratifying….
The amount of times in a day that I let my flesh win, even in the little choices or attitudes, is really quite embarrassing.
Self-denial is HARD.Why do I still wrestle when I know He ought to win?
I Have to First Say “No” to ME in Order to Experience the Many Blessings of Trusting HIM
Taking up my cross daily & following Him is HARD. Rewarding & worth it & fruitful & satisfying & fulfilling & uplifting? YES. … But HARD because it means I have to FIRST say ‘NO’ to ME. And I don’t always like doing that.
I get it. We want to be gods in our own little personal world. We want to cater to the ME. It’s not always comfortable yielding to Someone else, especially when it doesn’t make any sense to us or it doesn’t seem to be what we’d want.
And the me-first, main character culture of today is NOT helping things, because it reinforces what we already want to be true. But this is His Story.History is His story.Not mine. Not yours. HIS. We are all side characters in HIS story. Supporting roles, if you will. NOT the main character.
And I get it. Stepping out of the spotlight in your life… & letting Him take center stage instead, even when you feel you have such great things to offer… is hard.
But it’s not our stage. It’s HIS.
And that’s hard some days. The fact is… it is hard to yield ourselves, our will, our intellect, our comforts, our way… to Him. To trust HIM to be our sovereign sufficiency & and not anything or anyONE else.
Do We Believe God Is Stronger Than:
… a cup of coffee in the morning
… a good night’s rest
… self-care
… a bad mood
… a lover’s embrace
… our hopes & dreams
… feeling wanted
… companionship
… comfort
… success/accomplishment
… ________________________________________
Or, do you feel like you need Jesus + ____________________________?
Not to say that they’re all bad things… not to say most aren’t helpful… but do you feel like God is strong enough even without them?
Or do you feel like you need God + ___________________________?
What fills in that blank for you, if you are COMPLETELY honest with yourself?
The Things I Chase
For me, it’s numbing things like tv, games, random videos, snacks, etc. when I feel restless, weighed down, stressed, or tired… because it’s easy & quick, even though none of them solve anything… just cover it up for a while until it comes back up again… because I’m too scared sometimes of what God will ask me to try instead that’s not so quick & mindless a solution. (As if God doesn’t know how to help me THROUGH that issue to SOLVE that issue… versus just avoiding it forever.)
For me, it’s still struggling with fantasizing, with loopholes of it never being about real people, because I am too scared to trust God’s way without it. (As if God didn’t CREATE sex for marriage & as if He can’t help me a better way because He knows best.)
For me, it’s being too scared to just randomly go up to a stranger & talk about Jesus when I feel His nudging on my heart. (As if God doesn’t know EVERYONE’S thoughts & as if He can’t see their questions, hurts, & doubts when they lie awake in bed at night & how to answer them through my willingness to be used by Him in that moment.)
For me, it’s wanting to withdraw because of how awkward I feel trying to find my place in a group setting where I don’t know where I fit. (As if God can’t give me courage.)
For me, it’s wanting to wallow when I feel lonely. (As if God can’t hold & love me through it.)
For me, it’s hating hard that won’t quit & wanting to blame God or shut down. (As if God can’t sufficiently BE my strength in those seasons if I keep calling out to Him.)
For me, it’s wanting to hold a grudge when someone is consistently & unapologetically rude or mean to me. (As if Jesus didn’t already pay for that & even pay much more for ME.)
For me, it’s clinging to the comforts He supplies rather than Him when I get too comfortable with those comforts. (As if He doesn’t already know my needs & as if He can’t perfectly supply every time withOUT those comforts I cling to.)
I could go on… really. (I told you it’s embarrassing.) 35 years in & I still face this war in myself some days. I’m forever not perfect. Always “failing forward” as I heard somewhere.
What Is It for You?
What are you tempted to trade God for?
Where does your flesh tend to win?
When does it get hard for you to keep trusting Him & going to Him?
What would make you walk away? What is your breaking point? … Or are you all in, bowing to Him as LORD come what may?
What areas do you tend to feel your flesh nature scream for attention & preference?
Shine HOPE by determining to intentionally bow all of that to Him, relying on Him no matter what & not trading Him in for anything else.Because nothing, & I mean NOTHING satisfies like God can, through Jesus Christ our LORD.
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.
Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
A Note from Michelle:
(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)
This blog/website has been running for over 5.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!
Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world!Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Beehive Trivet Set (INDIA)
(Shown: Beehive Trivet Set, handcrafted in India. Every purchase of this cute trivet set empowers women in India out of poverty!)
This set is perfect to display ethically made home decor to upscale your home design! Create a beautiful display that showcases the craftsmanship of our Artisan Partners in India who handcraft the detailed Bumblebee Trivet and Honeycomb Trivet! The Bumblebee Trivet features a single-line bumblebee shape, and the Honeycomb Trivet features a fun honeycomb design.
*****Every purchase of the Beehive Trivet Set supports families in areas of extreme poverty in India, empowering them to end poverty cycles for their families, send their kids to school, and earn fair wages for their work.*****
How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!
When you see the title including this little Christian-y sounding phrase of “a grace-filled life,” I don’t want you to misunderstand me. I don’t say it to sound flowery & extra spiritual, as if my life is so wonderful that I describe it as a grace-filled life.
No, when I use that phrase, it is with a very real understanding that it displays how undeserving I am of all that God has done in my life. All He promises me. All He paid for me.
I want every chapter in the story of my life–every high, every low, every failure, every victory, every weakness, & every strength–to be a testimony that points to Him as my hope in every season, all along the way, so that you too can learn to look to Him in every chapter of your own life story… to shine HOPE (in Him) like you were always meant to.
You were made for this… to give God GLORY… even in the small things.
“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:31)
God Has Always Been
By now, you can probably see that this compilation of testimony that is my life is not one marked by faith & faithfulness on my part, as if pointing to my life as praiseworthy… but by the grace that God has extended to me through all of my failings & shortcomings, because of Who HE is.
He has stood by my side & lifted me out of my mire & grown me through it all… all the highs & the many lows (often self-inflicted).
Growing up a Christian, since I was merely 5 years old, has given me a unique perspective that not many adults-become-Christians get to see. Even as a child, when I had very little to contribute & very little understanding or knowledge, when very little credit could be given to me… God still was. He still worked in my life all the way through it, even in the seasons where I wondered if I would be better off serving myself rather than God… even in my seasons of deep doubts… even when I was rebellious & turned from Him… even in seasons where I wanted to die.
He was faithful every step… even at my worst.
I am No Better Than Anyone
I have been “doubting Thomas.” (John 20:25) I have been “over-eager Peter” who then failed horribly. (Luke 22:33; Luke 22:54-62) I have wrestled with my flesh like Paul. (Romans 7:15-20) I have cowered in fear of God’s call like Gideon. (Judges 6:11-16) I have failed beyond measure like David (2 Samuel 11-12). I have trusted my own solutions like Abraham & Sarah. (Genesis 16:1-2) I have doubted I was capable of God’s calling like Moses. (Exodus 4:10) I have run away like Jonah. (Jonah 1:3) I have promised obedience & faithfulness forever only to get lulled back to living for myself like the Israelites. (Half of the Bible seems to reference this.) I have lived like the prodigal son, only to realize I needed to come home & beg for scraps from God only to see Him welcome me with open arms. (Luke 15:11-32) I have questioned God like Job in hard seasons. (Job 38) I have chosen to want to be the one to know & decide for myself, lured by what looks so good… like Eve. (Genesis 3:6)
And like all of these testimonies we read about in God’s Word, the Bible, the common thread is NOT how praiseworthy these men & women were… but how awesome, powerful, forgiving, loving, sovereign, & how gracious GOD IS.
It’s Strange to be Back
Coming to this final chapter (to be continued, I’m sure), it seems fitting that my husband & I are back on Guam.
If you read one of my first few chapters, about when we moved here the first time, back in 2012 (read about that, here), you know that my time here was one of the most difficult & lonely seasons of my life. Other side of the world, limited “international calling hours window,” husband who worked more often than didn’t, hard time connecting with others, couldn’t find a job, couldn’t get involved, had no car to start with, typhoons, etc.
It felt like life whiplash moving here from where I grew up, near all of my family & friends, after having just graduated late from Liberty University with a Bachelor’s in Business Marketing & having been very active in student leadership/ministry.
Then… Guam.
Our 7 Years in Japan
Then we moved to Hokkaido, Japan, where the isolation was even more intense because of the language barrier.
And I didn’t handle it well with all of my prayers for, “PLEASE, just make the hard STOP!!!!” And it didn’t.
But God didn’t waste any of that, as you have seen. He turned it all for my good, as He always does & promises to do. All for my good & for His glory.
Then, Misawa, Japan, where I began to heal, make meaningful connections & friendships, community, getting involved again at church, etc.
The Day I Got the News…
And then… Guam again.
I still remember my hubs calling me excitedly to tell me all about this opportunity.
Now, keep in mind that every conversation we had ever had in recent years about potential change was us moving to Florida in a couple years from then & settling there stateside.
So, naturally… I thought he was talking so excitedly about & leading up to us moving to FLORIDA sooner than expected. Joyous anticipation was beginning to bubble up in me as he gushed about this job he was so eager to tell me about… FLORIDA!
But no… he finishes his “how it came about” story & topped it off with: “& guess… where… it… is…..!!!!” (pause for dramatic effect) “GUAM!”
I think my heart crashed to the floor quicker than it ever has in that moment. My eyes blanked out as I stared forward like the wind had just been knocked out of me…. Like I had just been sucker-punched in the gut.
Guam…?
GUAM….
NOT Guam…. PLEASE not Guam….
But yes… it was Guam.
Heh. Finally healing. Finally feeling a sense of community & friendship & involvement at church… & then BACK to GUAM?!? I did not have fond memories of my time on Guam.
Then a Tremendously Difficult Move to Add on Top of My Already Unwilling Participation in Said Move
The next year was one I don’t ever desire to repeat. God swung open doors I wanted to lean my back into with my full body weight to keep them from opening. He was like THROWING pieces together to make this happen.
Satan kept knocking the floor out from under us the whole way with sure things being cancelled last minute & misfiled & all the things that made us think it was all going to fall apart… but then, God was like miraculously making it happen anyway, every single time.
As if Satan was throwing up unsurmountable-seeming obstacles at every turn & God was just SMACKING THEM DOWN as if those obstacles were NOTHING.
God clearly wanted us on Guam. So clearly. (I didn’t want to be there… but God was making it happen anyway.)
I Knew He OUGHT to Win… But I Didn’t Want Him To
And I absolutely hated it. I became basically an adult version of a kid having a complete temper tantrum in my heart. Crossed arms, furrowed brows, angry pout, huffs… all of it. I did not want to go back there (here).
Surrender on this one was especially hard for me. I knew God OUGHT to win… because He always knows what He is doing better than me… I just didn’t WANT Him to win.
And to make things worse, as I mentioned… the move was hard every step of the way. Nothing was straight-forward. Nothing was simple. Nothing worked the way it was meticulously planned ahead of time to work.
And getting here didn’t get ANY better… for so many reasons.
That was a year for the BOOKS. And then there were some who were completely NON-gracious about it the whole way through, adding emotional hurt to top all of it off. I mean, why not, right? What’s one more thing to cry about? That’s how it felt some days.
Looking Back
But now, we’ve gotten to this point in my life, & we can look back at all of the different seasons of serious HARD I have been through… even in handling a lot of them quite terribly… & we can see this common thread shine through:
God is able. God knows what He is doing. God is in control. God never wastes hard. God is faithful. God is enough. God can where I can’t. God is a gracious God.
I can trust Him. Everything He does… EVERYTHING… ALWAYS works out for MY good… & HIS glory. ALWAYS.
Even. When. I. Prove. I. Don’t. Deserve. It. Even when I prove it over & over & over & over & over again!
God redeems. God is gracious.
And this isn’t just a “when I get to heaven” thing. I can trust Him with my life even right now.
It doesn’t mean life is going to be all rainbows & sunshine. It won’t. But God never wastes our struggles. He works them for our good & His glory every time… if our hope is placed in HIM.
A Lot Has Happened in 2 Years… How Has It Been 2 Years?
This summer will be 2 years back on Guam now… hard to believe it’s been this long already… seriously feels like it’s been less than a year… & yet it also feels like an eternity. I guess a crazy difficult move that lasted for several months, a house that needed a lot of different work done when we moved in, some traveling, plus a devastating super typhoon last summer made time seem to go by quickly.
But here we are… 2 years back on Guam in just a few months.
I won’t lie to you…. There are still some scars that hurt a little when poked. Some trauma probably from last time leaving me distrusting & unsure of myself here.
But God has also used this place to heal many of the things that were hurt last time we lived here. He has shown me how He is able to spiritually mature & grow a whole church/church body versus just only individuals. He has allowed me to experience & learn to enjoy the blessings of a place I once felt mainly only memories of pain.
I Still Have a Very Long Way to Go
I wasn’t quite 30 last time we moved here & now, as of this past November, I am 40. It’s a different perspective with these last 10 years of growth behind me now.
I still have some healing to do…still have some areas that I need to surrender to God for healing versus holding back by trusting the lies & hurts of my trauma.But God wanted me here for a reason… & I trust Him with that come what may.
Shine HOPE by trusting that God is gracious. My grace-filled life is because of His grace… not because of my deserving… but I will strive to let every chapter of my story point back to Him as my faithful, true, & lasting HOPE through it all.
All glory & honor & praise to God, forever & ever, AMEN!
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.
Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
A Note from Michelle:
(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)
This blog/website has been running for over 5.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!
Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world!Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Avina Tote (INDIA)
(Shown: Avina Tote, handcrafted in India. Every purchase empowers women in India out of poverty!!!)
This stunning patchwork-inspired, quilted tote bag is handcrafted by women rising above the grip of poverty in India. Each Aviva Tote features three various floral patterns in different shades of blue, pink, yellow, and green beautifully sewn together. Keep your essentials organized and secure inside this tote’s roomy interior that features a zipper pocket, slip pockets, and magnetic closure.
*****Every purchase of this tote helps support women with fair jobs, help educate girls, and families leaving slums in India.*****
How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
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It’s funny that this is my topic this week because last night I couldn’t manage to sleep at all. I ended up falling asleep around 8:30am & getting up around 12:30pm. I wanted to sleep so much longer, but was afraid it would mess with my sleep tonight, so I decided I would just get up.
Last year, there was something I learned about God that makes zero sense to me… through a time period of consistent sleeplessness. Really, it isn’t logical, seems “overly spiritual” & just something you say to SOUND super spiritual… but I have actually, surprisingly found it to be 100% accurate, as make believe as it sounds.
This concept I’m talking about is that of considering God AS my strength. Not just that you might feel a little boost of strength when you pray for strength, but that even when you have absolutely no strength, He can be your strength for you.
I learned this truth pretty clearly last year, although definitely against my will.
2 Months of Torture
You see, I went through 2 months of sleeplessness. Maybe a night or two a week, I would sleep a whole 5-7 hours, another couple of nights, maybe 2-4 hours… but the other 2-3 nights I would get about 0-2 hours.
As you can imagine, I was WEAK. Physically, mentally, emotionally… WEAK. And I cried a lot. A LOT.
It felt like torture. Legitimate, actual torture.
I called it “the princess & the pea syndrome” because it would seem that even the littlest crease in my sheet beneath me would make me acutely aware of it where I absolutely could not ignore it… like my senses were always on high alert every single night.
And this wasn’t anxiety-induced. I wasn’t tossing & turning analyzing every aspect of my day or every word out of my mouth.
And it wasn’t restlessness either… no pent-up energy keeping me from settling down to rest.
No. I would be clear-minded, body limp with tiredness… & yet any little thing would jolt my alertness up several notches & the cycle of drifting off to jolting awake & back again would happen over & over & over & over & over & over again.
Talk about MADDENING.
I Didn’t Always Handle It So Well…
Now, I would like to sound super spiritual & say something like, “you know what, when I realized I wasn’t going to sleep each night, after 1 whole week of it… 2 weeks of it… 4 weeks… 6 weeks… EIGHT WEEKS OF IT… well, each time I just closed my eyes & thanked Jesus for some extra time to spend with Him in prayer & then I went & got my Bible & spent each night praising Jesus!
But that didn’t happen.
Some nights I did spend some time talking to God about it & about life & about other people in my life… turning to Him in it.
Most nights I just tried everything in the world I could think of to keep myself from legitimately going clinically insane as a result—snacks, tv, phone videos, games, ANYTHING to make myself not want to pick up each individual shoe in my closet & chuck them all against the wall one-by-one.
And there were ALSO nights where I would roll to be face first into my pillow so I could silent scream some of my frustration into itor get up to sit at the dining room table, bury my face in my hands, & just SOB for a good hour or more.
And some nights I just resigned to it, like, “Okay, we’re doing this again? Okay. Sure. Here we go again, I guess.”
It was awful. Quite literally awful.
Consistent Physical Discomfort… BLEH
I hate discomfort & let me tell you that being super tired & yet any little thing being enough to keep you from treasured sleep as it keeps jolting you awake… yeah, it was quite literally awful.
Headaches. Grogginess. Low energy. Low ability to focus. Sometimes even nausea because lack of sleep does that to me.
Some mornings I was “just” a complete zombie & other mornings it seemed I had a permanent scowl burned onto my face like you should probably clear a path & stay out my way unless you wanted to start a fight. It wasn’t pretty.
But as God tends to do… promises to do… he used this awfulness for my good.
I’m a Slow Learner… I Want Comfort
Sometimes I wish I could just learn lessons a teensy tiny bit faster. Anyone else? Like, let’s speed this lesson up because BOY is it not fun.
I feel like Paul handled his “thorn in his side” thing way better than me… or maybe he felt just as miserable, just with recognizing the value that comes from it, because he DID use the word “DISTRESS” & I have personally never heard of an enjoyable, non-painful/uncomfortable type of DISTRESS. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)
But his perspective stayed true in understanding that God always had a plan & would use it for both his good & God’s glory… ALWAYS.(Genesis 50:20; Romans 8:28)
And so God did with me in my sleeplessness.
I learned several clear lessons:
Quick repentance is necessary & freeing in our very human weakness reality.
God very much can BE my strength when I have NONE.
My excuses that kept me back were all unnecessary because God can help me.
The Freedom Clean Slate of Quick Repentance
Having a “Jesus paid for that too” type of mindset is such a valuable thing… trusting that Jesus’ sacrifice was sufficient for all of it, come what may. What a freeing thing that is!
Quick repentance is something I talk about a lot, but it is basically the idea that any time something crosses your mind that dishonors God, whether it be temptation to be bitter at someone, have ill will toward someone, just wanting to quit, or whatever else… realizing that my humanness is trumping what God is capable of… in other words, I am leaning on my limitations so much that I refuse to submit to the fact that God has none… that no matter what it is, I need to ask for forgiveness for that from God & ask Him to help me change it moving forward.
How I Often Respond Versus How God Responds… & Repenting of the Difference
Bitter? Is that how God responded to my sin & His need to pay my debt through Jesus on the cross? I don’t think so. Love compelled Him, not bitterness.(John 3:16-17)
Ill will? Nope, God, through Jesus, sacrificed willingly versus retaliating.(Isaiah 53)
Just wanting to quit? Why? Because I can’t handle it? Or I don’t want to? Then I am discounting what God is capable of & my real complaint is my lack of self-sufficiency & not wanting to have to rely on my need for Him over myself.
Quick repentance takes those situations & thoughts & “takes every thought captive” by turning it right away to an apology to God because He knows our every thought… asking Him to change us from the inside out.(2 Corinthians 10:5; Psalm 139:23-24)
Sample Prayers of Quick Repentance
“I’m sorry I am so tempted to feel bitter. Please forgive my bad attitude & help me have a better attitude about this… one that better pleases & honors You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
“I’m sorry I am feeling this angry toward that person for such & such. You made them, love them, & died for them, too. Please forgive me for my bad attitude toward them & help me to let You love them through my life. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
“I’m sorry I want to quit. I am frustrated at how difficult this is & I am wanting to be able to do it but can’t. Help me instead to trust You to be enough for me in it. Help grow me in that reliance on You instead of myself. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”
These are obviously just a very few examples of the many scenarios that can arise, but you get the point: surrendering every thought that doesn’t please or honor God to Him & asking for His forgiveness & His help moving forward & changing perspective &/or patterns.
I Needed Quick Repentance EVERY MORNING
This became my every morning because in my sleeplessness, the morning grumpies were almost always a big problem for me. (I laugh a little as I write “big problem” because this sentence really makes them seem far more pleasant than they were in reality.)
Groggy, frustrated, tired, headache, AND needing to get ready for work. No, ma’am, my attitude some mornings was pretty not great.
And quick repentance became my morning ritual.
“Yeah. It’s me AGAIN. I’m so tired. I feel incredibly icky physically. My brain is a foggy mush.I just want to throw stuff at the wall, throw a fit, quit my job & all my responsibilities & live in my bed for the desperate off chance that MAYBE, JUST MAYBE I CAN SLEEP. I DON’T want to be doing anything right now. All of this sucks. I hate it SOO MUCH. But I know that my main frustration here is rooted in me wanting control back… me wanting to feel SELF-capable again… me idolizing comfort rather than wanting to depend on YOU for that. So please forgive me. Please change me heart because I just can’t. I want it so badly I could just scream… or cry… or both. Please help me depend on YOU. To remember YOU are what I NEED. Please help me trust You to BE my strength FOR ME. I’ve got nothin’. I NEED YOU. Please help me. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”
This was basically my EVERY morning for 2 months. Same grumpies. Same frustrations. Same physical weakness. Same craving to be self-sufficient again.Same asking for forgiveness & a changed heart & attitude.
It was an everyday thing that He was faithful in every day.
God Is My Strength
He WAS my strength. God is my strength. EVERY DAY. Without fail.
I had to feel wretched & humble myself every stinking day. But He was faithful to provide every single day right along with it.
Some days were like when you miss one night of sleep & adrenaline just kicks in & you still have a great, productive day. But others were me feeling so weak without a break from it through the whole day, begging God to help me in every single step of it… & it was like He would highlight ONE SINGULAR TASK in my mind to do just that one thing. So I would chip away at it mindlessly until it was done & He would highlight the next step for me until the day was done.
And I got to see Him BE my strength when I had NONE.
The Big WOW Moment
I’ve always had a strange relationship with sleep. Some seasons are easy breezy. Others leave me desperate to fall asleep but failing. I never know when it will switch… when it will be good… or awful. And as a result, I have ALWAYS set my alarm to the last possible second.
Have I wanted to have a quiet time with God to start my each & every day with a focus on Him & surrendered heart to Him & His will for my day? Sure. But HOW?!
And then, it all became so clear to me.
If, when sleep would just refuse come despite every strained effort of mine… God was my sufficiency in my complete & utter lacking….
How much more so if I CHOSE to give up some extra sleep in order to spend time with Him to honor His value in my life? That excuse of squeezing out every minute of sleep kept me back for SO LONG. And now I was set free from that fear holding me back again!
How Often Do I Underestimate the God Who Made Me?
God was able where I was not. God would supply where I could not.
And if something honors & pleases Him… knowing He is infinite… I can trust 100% that I can count on His help in that sacrifice for His glory.
Quick repentance… clean slate… He is my strength… even when I have zero… He will help me honor Him… even when it feels impossible.
God is good all the time. All the time, God is good. EVEN IN THE HARD.
Shine HOPE by looking to Him as your strength, by being a quick repenter, & by trusting Him to help you honor, please, glorify, & obey Him even when you feel you just absolutely cannot, knowing HE CAN.
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.
Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
A Note from Michelle:
(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)
This blog/website has been running for over 5.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!
Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world!Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
(Shown: Patina Earrings (India), Patina Clay Bracelet (Haiti) & Orphan Prevention Necklace (India). Every purchase of these handcrafted pieces empowers women out of poverty & helps with orphan prevention!)
*****All of these pieces are handcrafted in Haiti & India, & every piece that you purchase empowers these women artisans out of extreme poverty, helping with orphan prevention in these areas!*****
How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!
Coming through the darkness I walked through during my time on Guam (Chapter 17), my husband & I were led (through praying for God’s direction) to Hokkaido, Japan as the next step in our married journey.
I was full of hope in this new adventure, but also full of nerves in facing the unexpected & unknown. This was not a location near any American military bases. This was a place where very little English was spoken.
When we were new to Japan, we would watch a video blog of this guy who had also moved to Japan from abroad & one thing he said really proved to be true: “Culture shock comes in waves.”
You think it’s going to be the initial shock of adjustment, but the amount of adjusting has unforeseen layers upon layers that become unearthed over time as new scenarios present themselves in your day-to-day life.
Beautiful Adventure, Great Friends, But Oh So Isolated
I thought I knew hard after my time on Guam in 2012-2015 because the loneliness I experienced those 3 years was unlike anything I had ever known,butI really had no idea what hard was until we moved to Japan, where I really was mostly isolated a majority of my time there, even in small things like making small talk or being friendly with a cashier… they didn’t understand me & I didn’t understand them.
This is not to say that our time there wasn’t a wonderful adventure, full of so many happy memories & discovering newness so often around us every day… not to mention the friendships we did eventually make.
It was exciting & thrilling. There was always something new to discover or try. It was an adventure of a lifetime that very few people get to ever experience not having any support from a base to hold onto in the hard moments. We were mostly on our own.
Our Church Family
We were very blessed to eventually meet an Australian couple who had come to Japan as missionaries & who run a Japanese church where we could attend, but even there, very few spoke any English & the few that did were more comfortable in their Japanese for the most part. The English speakers lived pretty far from us & were very busy people, so we didn’t see them very often outside of church.
We loved our church. They were such warm & welcoming people who helped us whenever they were able. Some took me under their wing sometimes for an occasional day trip. One wonderful friend helped teach us some Japanese as our tutor. And still others would help us in buying major appliances with the paperwork, etc. We were very fortunate despite our language barriers.
It’s so strange how a body of believers in Jesus can feel like family, even on the other side of the world, made up of a few Americans, a few Australians, & mostly Japanese. Different cultures. Different countries. Same Jesus. Same family under Jesus. So beautiful.
Consistently Hard, But Not Bad
As for my day-to-day life, I was mostly on my own, in a foreign country, with very little support.
I didn’t hate living there at all, because I loved the adventure of it… but something unexpected began to happen… I didn’t understand how the constant newness & figuring out of things in a foreign language was taking its toll on my brain.
My brain was like a computer always having to try too hard & consistently getting overheated.
My Brain Could Never Make Sense of Anything
Everywhere I went, voices around me spoke unrecognizable words… signs were unreadable… directions on packages couldn’t be understood without help of pictures or translation apps… not being able to read the buttons on my own home washer/dryer even… not able to easily go up to someone to ask for help or ask a question or ask directions….
My brain was constantly trying to process information it couldn’t ever process.
A constant, “Does not compute…. Does not compute…. Does not compute…. Does not compute…. Does not compute…. Does not compute….” On repeat. All day. Every day. It was quite literally mentally exhausting.
The Darkness Grew Darker
I didn’t realize the strain a brain could experience in a foreign country. The voices & language around me were foreign. The words on every label, sign, set of directions, etc. were foreign. Even certain customs & ways of doing things were foreign.
Talk about quadrupling the isolation I had been experiencing on Guam…. My brain was TIRED beyond all measures of tired I had ever known possible.
And my brain started to change noticeably. The stress it was constantly under was breaking me down over time.
The Rage Monster That Was Trapped Inside of Me Scared Me
I felt constantly beyond capacity, so any inconvenience would cause me to almost have a minor mental &/or emotional breakdown.
There were random times where I would drop something at home like a cup of water & I would just drop to the floor & cry.
Other times I felt rage hit me like I have never before experienced. Drop a pencil I was using? Clenched jaw & fists as I take a deep breath through gritted teeth & pick it up. Drop it again? It gets immediately chucked at a wall. I was crumbling internally & it terrified me.
I used to say it felt like I had a rage monster trapped inside of me that I couldn’t make go away.
I tried so hard to be so accommodating to all the newness & to all the differences all the time, but I was breaking down & becoming someone I didn’t even recognize anymore. And it scared me. I needed HELP.
“Please, God… Make the Hard Stop.”
I knew I needed God’s help, but my prayers were mostly focused on “MAKE IT STOP, PLEASE!!!” And when it didn’t stop… when the hard kept going… I felt a little more despair settle in each time.
I felt a little more distrust in God settle in… which made me feel guilty… which made me slowly taper off in my prayers because I didn’t want God to “ignore me” one more time & cause me to become bitter & angry with Him… so I stopped talking to Him about it at all.
Which REALLY left me on my own to face it all. Wrong choice.
My Sneaky Pride
But God is so wonderful & faithful, that He used even my failure & rudeness toward Him to help ME.
You see, with my gifting from God, having had my spiritual gifting from childhood because I surrendered my sin to Jesus paying my debt & trusted in Him at 5 years old, I had sort of taken for granted my gifting, as if I somehow DESERVED it, because I have been a Christian for so long, of COURSE I had this gifting… as if MY faithfulness MERITED my GIFTing…. Wow.
Now, deep down, I knew absolutely that this was completely ridiculous & that OF COURSE it was FROM GOD, NOT me…. But sometimes I was really foolish in thinking maybe I also had a little something to do with it because of MY faithfulness to God over so many years.
It was something I had been praying over most of my growing up because I knew I was wrong to be thinking that, but yet still found myself feeling a little too proud of myself versus giving God the credit in my own heart.
God Was Using This Darkness for My Good
And here I was, for sure earning NOTHING because I was a complete brat, had stopped praying almost altogether, no longer depending on God through my breakdown issues, etc…. & YET, God CONTINUED to work through my gifting.
As if to say, “Yeah, this is from ME… NOT you. This is how I choose to work THROUGH you. It’s not about you. It’s about Me.”
What a humbling lesson to learn.
Me, a worm. Worthless. Sniveling. Given up trying to please God with my heart through the hard… worshiping EASE over HIM…. AND YET, He STILL chose to work through my gifting.
Because it’s not about me or me being great or faithful “enough” or any such nonsense.
It’s about it all being of Him, from Him, through Him, & FOR Him.
NOT me. HIM.
God Can Work DESPITE Me… Thank GOD!
Now, can He work more effectively with my surrender to His will & way? Of course.
But can He choose to work through me even when I am a complete & utter screw up? Absolutely.
It’s about His work, not mine.
I can have NOTHING to offer Him, & really, I don’t because He already has EVERYTHING… & He can still work through me.
How humbling that is.
What an honor that is.
He used my quitter attitude to show it wasn’t me holding me up at all along the road of life… it was Him all along.
It was all Him.
PRAISE GOD.
Can You Relate?
Is there an area you have refused to pray about anymore because you don’t feel like God is listening or that God cares?(He is & He does.)
Are you having a bad attitude about any area of your life because you feel like the hard just won’t stop no matter HOW MUCH you pray?
Have you given up?
Where could God be trying to teach you that it’s not about you being great enough to “deserve” Him, but that even when you obviously don’t, He will forever remain faithful to you regardless?
Where can you give God the praise He deserves despite the struggle with which you wrestle? Where in your struggle can you bring Him honor? How can you make sure He gets the glory instead of you?
Practice praying to see His “enoughness” in your struggle more than praying for your struggle to end. Allow God to show you He is enough for you come what may.
Shine HOPE by turning to Him & relying on Him in the hard, by living to give Him the glory & the honor & the praise in all you do. Amen.
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.
Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
A Note from Michelle:
(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)
This blog/website has been running for over FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!
Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world!Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty:
Heart Drop Earrings (INDIA)
(Shown: Heart Drop Earrings, handcrafted in India. Every purchase empowers women in India out of poverty!)
These beautiful double heart drop earrings are handmade in India by women earning fair wages for their work. These earrings feature a gold-tone heart stud with a dangle heart pendant, to create a sophisticated fair-trade fashion statement.
*****Every purchase creates safe jobs with fair wages in areas of extreme poverty where vulnerable women are often exploited by sweatshops.*****
How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!
After I graduated college, I was already nearing 27 years old because I worked in between high school & college.
Admittedly, I had a great advantage because my parents offered to pay for my college(in lieu of a wedding, which I didn’t find out until later), but without their immense financial help, following God’s call to “go to Liberty & get a Business Marketing degree” would have been made not impossible, but much more challenging.
Along the way, my parents would also cover much of my car & health insurance costs, to be repaid after I graduated.
The Summer after College
Well, here I was, graduated, & I now had this decently sized sum of money I now needed to repay, consisting of all of the bills my parents had covered on my behalf until I could reimburse them, PLUS their desire for me to move out on my own asap to begin my life as an adult.
But there was one little problem–I didn’t have a job.
So began my hunt for a job.
God Kept Closing Doors & I Didn’t Understand Why
The hunt for a job did not go as expected. After months of searching, either I would get no positive response or I would feel the intangible wall, as if God were putting a mental blockade up, a complete lack of peace, as if to say, “thou shalt not pass.”
It was frustrating & confusing because it didn’t make sense, & quite frankly made me look bad to my parents I felt. I really wanted to impress them & I could not get a job no matter how much I prayed or searched.And when something DID get positive feedback, it was as if God always said “no.”
Sometimes Where God Leads Makes No Sense to Me
But why would God do that? God knew I owed money. God knew it made me look like a freeloader who had no plans of ever getting a job. God knew it made me look bad.
Wouldn’t He want me to pay off my debt & honor my parents’ wishes for me to move out? Wouldn’t He NOT want me to be an extra cause of stress on them? Why was He not honoring this request in helping me get a job ASAP?
It didn’t make any sense to me. I wanted to be responsible. I wanted to do the right thing. I wanted to pay my debt. I didn’t understand.
God’s Conviction When I Held Back for Myself
Then, there was one day, as I was reading my Bible before bed, that I came across these 2 annoying little verses, in Proverbs 3:27-28:
“Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in the power of your hand to do so. Do not say to your neighbor, “Go, and come back, and tomorrow I will give it,” When you have it with you.”
Uggggh.
You see, I had a small savings account in my name with a few hundred dollars in it that I had been usingfor small comforts to still go to a movie here & there with friends or go for fast food (a certain “Mexican food” one, I might add), or get gas… but mainly, I was holding onto it just in case I had car troubles because “it’s wise to keep back up money in case that happens.” Because, well, it is wise… but God was making it clear to my heart right then that the money really didn’t belong to me & I needed to first honor my parents with the commitment I had made to them, versus riding comfortably on my buffer account.
So, I transferred every bit of it to my parents to bring down my debt, leaving only a full gas tank to go on from there forward.
God Provides as We Trust in Him
But a funny thing happened… I didn’t get a job that whole summer—but God provided for me every step of the way.
Doors would shut or God would block peace in my heart, as if to say, “trust me here… don’t take it, no matter how tempting it may be. Just trust Me & follow my lead.”
As I trusted Him in His NO for a steady income, God did something else pretty spectacular.
Every time I had a bill come due, sometimes seemingly out of the blue I would receive a babysitting job, a housesitting job, a mowing job, or some other thing that would cover the entirety of my bill & any leftovers would go to my parents (minus $20 for a new tank of gas).
God provided every single time… on time.
It Required Sacrifice, But God Provided My Needs
My life didn’t look the way I envisioned it after just graduating. I couldn’t go out to dinner with friends or see movies, but God allowed me to have fun with friends in other ways, like movie rentals or games or trips to the mall, where I didn’t have to spend money.
It was challenging to have to say no to fun activities, but I understood that until I cleared accounts with my parents & released them from that… the money wasn’t mine anyway.
I needed to honor God first & my financial commitments as well, even if it made life “less fun.”
Not only did I pay every incoming bill ON TIME… I also paid off ALL of my debt to my parents.
God Taught Me to Trust Him First… Money & Financial Security Second
And once my debt was paid in full, a job came.
It was as if God was saying to me, “I just needed you to learn that if you are seeking to honor & obey my lead, as much as it may seem to lack sense, I will provide for your needs.”
“Therefore, do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ … For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” (Matthew 6:31-33)
This is not to say, “I am going to avoid getting a job, do whatever I want, & trust that God knows my needs & will provide for me anyway,” but rather a call to trust that as we are seeking to obey & trust God’s lead, we don’t need to be distracted with worry about our needs that God knows about & promises to supply as we follow HIS lead.
In Whatever State I’m In…
As I mentioned, trusting Him with finances may mean sacrifices to your ideal lifestyle, but it will be one blessed by His care & lead.
“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:11-13)
That Summer, I got just a taste of being in need, but I also got a taste of God’s careful provision as I learn to trust in Him no matter my circumstances & to honor Him with my choices, even when it’s not so easy to do so. And if I obey Him in this & seek to honor Him in this… He will always provide for me.
Where Are Your Worries? Where Is Your Trust Placed?
Do you will to trust God’s lead when it means living less than you imagined? Are you willing to let God call the shots, even if it means some sacrifice to that ideal? Are you willing to honor Him & your commitments first, even when it isn’t easy?Are you willing to trust God to provide for you?
“Thank You, Lord, for helping me grow out of my fear of lack… for showing me that as long as I am trusting You & letting You lead me, even if You don’t provide in the conventional ways, like providing me a secure job, You WILL provide my needs. Thank You, LORD!”
Shine HOPE, by doing what honors Him, even when it’s hard, & letting Him lead, even when it doesn’t make any sense to you… trusting God to always provide for your needs.
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.
Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
A Note from Michelle:
(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)
This blog/website has been running for over 5.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!
Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world!Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Ziva Earrings (INDIA)
(Shown: Ziva Earrings, handcrafted in India. Every purchase of these earrings empowers women in India out of poverty!)
These stunning, mixed metal Ziva Earrings feature a gold-tone lined bar frame with faceted, silver-tone beads in the middle. Creating a beautiful fair-trade fashion statement, these earrings are perfect for holiday events!
*****Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages in areas of extreme poverty where vulnerable women are often exploited by sweatshops.*****
How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!
I don’t know about you, but growing up, I would look at my Christian leaders—Sunday school teachers, Youth Pastor, deacons, authors, speakers, & the pastor himself, & think they held those positions because they were a cut above the rest… that they were “extra spiritual people.”Am I alone in this?
Now, keep in mind that back then I only read snippets of the Bible whether looking up in my concordance for relevant truth to whatever I was currently dealing with, memorizing specific verses at church, going through a topical Bible study, or even sermons on Sunday mornings (& other services throughout the week).AKA I didn’t have the full context of Who God is.
So, even though, as you read through the Bible, it is blatantly obvious that the people written about in the Bible were FAR from the perfect examples to emulate & FAR from even being courageous, super spiritual people… it didn’t quite click.
I wanted to serve God, sure, but I thought that was reserved for people much more spiritual than me.
God Can Work through Anyone
Well, as I shared over the last 2 chapters, with purging things like music that I was turning to instead of to God in times of trouble (validation versus trusting God could be enough for me)(Chapter 8)& how I was retaliated against by a demon because Satan DID NOT like that I was putting full faith in God versus anything BUT (Chapter 9)…. As I continued my journey through the book my friend & I were reading through together—“Authentic Beauty, by Leslie Ludy”— at the time that spurned all of that… God taught me something pretty crazy important.
He taught me that God can work through anyone.
The Heroes of the Bible Were Just as Flawed as Me
It becomes a little more “DUH” to me now that I have been reading through the Bible pretty consistently(more on how that came to be in another chapter because at this point in my life—early 20’s, I hadn’t gotten there in my growth yet).
I mean, how can it not be so incredibly obvious when you look at unwilling Moses with his “please send someone else” speech troubles & fear (Exodus 4:13)—oh yeah, & he felt so desperate to right the wrongs done against his people that he killed an Egyptian in his anger way before God even called him? (Exodus 2:11-15) Or how about David sleeping with another man’s wife & then having her husband killed to cover up his shame? (2 Samuel 11) OUCH. Or Abraham & his wife thinking they would “help God keep his promise of an heir” by agreeing he should sleep with their servant AKA sin against God? (Genesis 16:1-5) Or Jonah straight up RUNNING away because he didn’t want to listen to God? (Jonah 1:1-3) Or Gideon hiding in a cave & asking MULTIPLE times for confirmation because he was so scared to obey God? (Judges 6:11-40)
I mean, the list can go on for quite some time & these are all people we can wrongly tend to put up on a pedestal. Key words: these are all PEOPLE.
They’re all PEOPLE. They’re not GOD.
If We’re All Flawed, Sinful Human Beings… How Can God Use Any of Us?
So, then, if we all share the common denominator of being merely human, with all of our shared flaws, weaknesses, sins, insecurities, fears, etc. then how can ANY of us be used by God?
Because if God calls us to do something in obedience to Him, He is not relying on YOU being enough for it, because He knows HE IS. You can be sure that wherever He calls you to obey Him, He will be the One to supply your needs to accomplish it.
God worked the miracles for Moses. God parted the Red Sea. God gave Moses the words to say. God gave Moses a partner to assist him through his apprehensions & fears. God led them through the wilderness. God guided them to the promised land. God fought for them. (Exodus 3; Exodus 14)
He directed Jonah, knowing the people would repent if warned. He patiently KEPT directing Jonah in his disobedience because He cared too much for the evil Ninevites to let them pay what Jesus would cover if they were to repent & turn to God from their many sins. (Jonah 4)
He forgave David & was the One who worked through this sinful man’s life. Despite all of his very human, sinful failures, he kept coming back to God, trusting God above his complete unworthiness. (2 Samuel 12:1-15; also, see many Psalms where David repents & turns to rely on God)
Then there is God working through Abraham despite his lack of faith & answering Gideon’s many requests for confirmation to patiently act in long-suffering gentleness toward his many fears.
It’s not the heroes written of in the Bible who hold the power for change through ministry orchestrated by God, it’s God Himself!
They All Served the Same Great God
Having that experience with that demon that I talked about last week REALLY sealed that understanding in my brain, but it kept developing as I learned more about God’s servants that did GREAT things, not because they were great, but because they all served the same GREAT GOD.
So, consider me writing these chapters, week-by-week to you, my readers. I am NO different. I am HUMAN.
Do you know how many weeks I have to scrape myself off the floor, so to speak, because I feel SO opposed to getting off my lazy butt & getting to the editing even? If you follow me on social media, you have surely seen my posts/prayers asking for God’s help through my self-centered rebellious tendencies to avoid this part of the process.
I like choosing ME. I like choosing COMFORT. I am SELFISH. That is the real me.
I have sass & am stubborn (my mom can attest to this from my childhood).Working for the LORD requires me to DIE to myself… to lay down WANTS for HIM.… To accept that where I lack, I don’t have to quit & run because I can stop & turn to Him for help to get me through it with His wisdom, encouragement, courage, & peace. I can rely on this same great God that the heroes of the Bible served & lived for!
Grace, by Definition, Is Underserved
This phrase came to me sometime in the last year or so as I was praying over how I could possibly obey His command to extend grace to a fellow Christian who was very unkind to me consistently for months. His response to those prayers? “Michelle, grace, by definition, is undeserved.”
I will say it again, “Grace, by definition, is undeserved.” My grace-filled life is not a claim to a rosy-glassed life, but rather despite my flesh that constantly rears up to war with my soul, God continues to be my Enough.He continues to suffer long with me. He continues to HELP me submit to Him, even when it makes me uncomfortable to admit as to how little willpower & a desire to submit to Him comes naturally to me.
So, after that demon experience, after finishing this “Authentic Beauty” book with my dear friend, I realized that my desire to serve God did not have to end with my endless inadequacies….
… Because any work He would call me to all depended on HIM anyway.
And He was (is) ALWAYS enough.
My Precious “Lilies for the Lord”
So, birthed from these realizations, I jumped headfirst into every ministry opportunity God placed on my heart, beginning with a small group of middle school girls that will always hold a special place in my heart, long after they’ve forgotten all about me.
“Lilies for the Lord” was my first ministry back around 2006/2007. A group of about 7 middle schoolers, all friends of my baby sister from various activities she participated in. Even back then, my heart cry was to design & run my own website for those too scared to openly ask questions, where they would have support even if their family wasn’t supportive of their search for hope in Jesus Christ. I didn’t know where to begin, but look how far GOD has brought me all these years later!
We met at my parents’ house, I believe every other week. (Friday maybe?)
There was a memory verse each meet, a white board with next week’s verse, sometimes a small craft, & a Bible lesson. We also did prayer journaling times where they could go to a corner alone & write out their personal prayers to God, practicing intentionally turning to God in prayer.
It Wasn’t a “Spot That Needed Filling in a Church Ministry” but a Proclamation That, as a Girl in My 20’s, Their Walk with & Hope in God Was What Mattered Most
Once a quarter, we did a sleepover with either a movie theater field trip or laser tag or something of the like. Then followed with games & maybe pizza & snacks & cartoons & nail painting.
I also tried to do an occasional outreach with them to help them think outwardly versus just their own thoughts, wants, & life. This included a full feast for a pastor’s wife who had a major surgery & was bedridden during recovery & another time we made a bunch of cookies, included a verse of encouragement on each plate & asked for names from their parents of families who were having a rough Christmas that year due to loss or injury or health issues, went to their houses together, sang carols, & delivered cookies.
My heart was to teach them that investing in their lives & faith mattered to me.Not because I was signed up to help at church because they had a spot to fill, but because ME, a servant of God, CARED ABOUT THEM & their walk with God Almighty.
To teach them that purity mattered. That compromises always led to pain, even if not realized until years later (more on this in an upcoming chapter).
To teach them that their walk with God & their worship of Him & their obedience to Him was the MOST important thing they could pursue in their entire lifetime.
I Serve a Great God Who Does Not Give Up on Comfort-Seeking Me
I’m not saying all of this so you can “Ooooh” & “Ahhhh” at me, praising me, just as I am sure the disciples of Jesus would be offended at being worshipped rather than directing that worship to the one they gave their lives for.
I’m saying all of this because I want you to see that it is NOT ME. I am NOT super special, super spiritual.
I am just a regular, sin-torn, fleshly human woman who naturally gravitates toward HERSELF, but who has seen God be her ENOUGH in all of her lack. All of MY lack.
It All Starts with a Willingness–“Here I am, LORD. Send Me.”
A willingness to say to God, “Here I am, God. Send me. I don’t know how. I don’t know what to do or say or how to possibly get it done because it’s ME we’re talking about here. But I want to obey You. I want to serve You. Show me where. Show me what I can do for You. And show me that You’re my enough for it every step of the way as I lean into You for help every step of the way. You. Are. My. Enough. Here I am, LORD, send me.”
Are you willing to trust HIM to use your life to bless others & point to Him all along the journey? Then be willing to pray & ask for God to show you how He can use your life, too, with His help.
He won’t hesitate to use a willing heart to shine hope to those around them.
Shine HOPE by being willing to live for Him, knowing He’s the One to fill in your gaps where you lack. Because we ALL lack. But He doesn’t.
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.
Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
A Note from Michelle:
(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)
This blog/website has been running for over FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!
Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world!Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Silver Labradorite Set (EAST ASIA & INDIA)
(*Shown: Silver Labradorite Set, handcrafted in India & East Asia. Every purchase of this set empowers women out of poverty & supports my website costs as well!)
LIMITED EDITION – Available While Supplies Last! Save $9.95 when you pair the Tortoise Textured Hoops with the Silver Labradorite Bracelet to create a complete fair-trade look! It’s perfect for gifting or styling yourself! Beautifully textured, the Tortoise Textured Hoops have a mirror effect that makes the bright silver color shine! The dainty details of this Silver Labradorite Bracelet will bring an elegant look to your ethical style with its silver and labradorite beads and one silver tube bead.
*****Every purchase creates necessary jobs for women in India & helps rescue women from brothels in East Asia.*****
How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!
I think it can be easy to look at someone like me, who has a public platform sharing the hope we have in Christ, & think I have it all together & am the primo example of a “good Christian.” Well, sorry to disappoint.
Here we are on Chapter 8, as we walk together through the story of my life, & all we’ll find here are more ways I found to rely on myself, after EVERYTHING I have already been through & shared with you. God is CONSTANTLY having to refine me & weed out & bring attention to areas where I either compromise or think it’s up to me & not up to Him.
This particular season in my life was no different.
I Thought the Dark Was Over
A few chapters ago, I talked about my depression spiral & the mercy from God that it ended up being for me… how much I have learned about depression & struggling with my emotions—either too many or not enough. (You can read about that in Chapter 3 or in “Understanding Depression with Discernment.”)
Well, to be honest, since it was such a huge pivot point in my life, I really just thought my deep depression in high school was merely a one-time teaching tool for that very specific lesson He taught me through it.
So, when it started to hit me again (read: TORMENT me again), it caught me completely off guard & I spiraled FAST.
The defeat I felt. “I already got through this! God already helped me through this! What is happening!?”
And talk about DARK.
Crying (& Screaming) Alone
I used to go to our community park, drive all the way to the secluded back of the lot (usually only occupied during ballgames)… & I would lock my doors, put the seat down, & SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS in anguish & pain until sobs took over & then numbness set in as I stared blankly ahead, wishing I could make the unreasonable, unrelenting emotional pain stop.
Seriously, it felt like pain was being lashed onto my emotions uncontrollably. Like deep gashes & razor slits over & over & over on my heart. Just constant, heart-wrenchingly debilitating PAIN just relentlessly terrorizing me.
It made no sense. It was maddening because it made no sense. I could see the trigger, logically reason that it wasn’t that big of a deal, but my emotional response was like you had killed someone I loved. It was ridiculous & agonizing how little sense it made... but the pain was very much real.
Satan Exploits Our Weakest Moments
Aside from the messed-up brain chemistry involved, it was undoubtedly an attack. Satan was trying to get me to quit God & give up on life. I could feel that oppression in my BONES.
In my car one such day, as I was trying to release some of the built-up oppressive pain I felt so much of the time, crying, rocking on my side whimpering, to screaming… I remember very clearly thinking, “Satan, I’m already saved. I’m already going to heaven. Nothing you can do can change that, so why are you messing with me? LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!”
And I prayed. A LOT. I begged. I pleaded. I cried for rescue. I said, “Please God, please God. I can’t. Please help me. Please. I can’t. Please help me!”
God saw me… God heard me… God had a plan… but the pain continued.
God Is Bigger Than Anything Satan Can Do
This was more than just emotions outpouring from poorly regulated hormones/brain chemistry or whatnot. This was Satan seeing me weak & frail & kicking me repeatedly in the gut while I felt defenseless, trying to get me to renounce Christ & give up living.
Satan did not want me to shine HOPE. He wanted me to be a warning—to make an example of me.
But God is greater. God doesn’t give up on us.And God ALWAYS uses our hard for our good. He NEVER wastes our pain when we entrust Him with it.
God Promises Tribulation & Hardship in This Sin-Filled World… But He Also Promises He Is the Overcomer
I’m sorry I can’t be one of those, “if you honor God, everything will work out like a charm & life will be all rosy with rainbows & sparkles.” That would be a lie.
“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”(John 16:33)
God actually promises tribulation. He promises hardship. He promises we will be hated for our faith, just as Jesus, in all His perfection, was hated even to death. (John 15:18-27)
So, no. It won’t be all butterflies & sunshine. We live in a world broken by sin. It will hurt sometimes. That’s just fact.
“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:6-7)
IN it.
“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.” (Psalm 34:17-18)
From Thinking about… to Planning… Suicide
Well, that was the first time in my life, in all the days in my high school depression years & then in that period of time, that my thinking about suicide turned into planning my suicide.
It felt like the ONLY way to make the relentless, terrorizing day & night PAIN STOP.
Heaven was something I craved SO DEEPLY because the pain of living was that intense & overwhelming. I wanted it to stop. I NEEDED it to stop. I wanted to DIE.
And that reality scared me so much. I prayed for rescue & God pushed me to confess to my mom my plans.
In high school, my expression of a need for help wasn’t really understood to be as desperate a plea as it was, so I was scared to confide & if misunderstood, what that would lead me to do in my desperation, but I obeyed God’s nudge to confide & so I went & I confessed my plans for suicide.
I Got Help
God used that obedience to lead my mom to urge me to call the advice nurse line & eventually get help by way of a wonderful psychologist who helped me understand my brain chemistry & patterns better so I could create healthier patterns & defenses to protect myself from falling prey to the lies my misfiring emotional terrors were telling me.
God used her knowledge of the human brain to help me understand & fight back.
I am so thankful for what I learned through that experience. Not being a victim anymore, but having tools to recognize where my brain was failing me so I wouldn’t so easily fall victim to Satan terrorizing me through that weakness.
The Lingering Stronghold… What I Went to Instead of GOD for Help
But through it all, one little problem remained.
Whenever I was struggling or feeling terrorized or emotionally hurt… I would listen to music that backed me up & made me feel validated. You know, things like, “you don’t deserve that!” or “you deserve better!” or “I wish someone loved me more” or whatever.
I think it’s because the intensity of my emotions felt like an avalanche that I couldn’t tame or understand or justify… it made me feel crazy & broken… so music that made me feel justified in it gave me some sense of security.
What I really needed was to be pouring truth into my heart, rather than just seeking validation for my feelings, I needed to be seeking God as my hope in it… I needed to lift my heart & my hurts to HIM.
I needed to be intentionally lifting my heart in worship to God, singing of His goodness & mercy & love & hope, pouring sweet truths over my heart while lifting up the one true God Who is deserving of my praise & worship… shifting my gaze from the terrors to the One who gives me HOPE.
Lifting my eyes above the waves. Focusing instead on HIM.
After reading this book, the author directs you to download a PDF & encourages you to take old boyfriend notes, or anything else from your past or present that you are clinging to for security in place of the One true God, our Father, through Jesus Christ… & burn them. Get rid of them for good. Make it impossible to run back to them.
And one day, with my friend, we brought things we were clinging to as our “this proves I matter to someone” or “this makes me feel validated” items, we lit a fire on a grill at the park, we separately prayed through our PDF list, & we burned our items when we felt ready to surrender them in exchange for seeking hope in Him alone.
The freedom I felt that day was indescribable. And I remember writing in my prayer journal that I had brought with me that day only 2 simple verses & nothing else.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23-24)
I burned that binder of CDs worth hundreds of dollars & determined that day that I didn’t want to depend on anything other than Him as my hope & my salvation through the darkest trials I may face.God is my comforter & my hope.
What Are You Clinging to Instead of to Jesus?
And I would understand completely if you don’t at all believe what happened next to me. Both the most terrifying & the most perspective-shifting event I couldn’t ever imagine took place as a result of this simple prayer & it shook me to my core (in a good way)… but that’s for the next chapter….
So, what are you clinging to in place of Jesus? Where are you supplementing? Where are you trying to control your own happiness/security/validation? What do you feel you NEED to feel whole… that isn’t Jesus? That’s a stronghold & you need to get rid of it.
Shine HOPE by going to HIM in your darkest times.He knows where to get you help. He can sufficiently offer peace. He knows what you need more than you do. He knows what steps to take for healing. He has perfect wisdom. He cares for you. He is your supply. Don’t turn to anything else but Him… because you will not find hope anywhere else but HIM.
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.
Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
A Note from Michelle:
(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)
This blog/website has been running for over FIVE years now! (THIS IS BLOG POST #300!!!)THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!
Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world!Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Enchanted Set (INDIA)
(Shown: Enchanted Set, handcrafted in India. Every purchase empowers women in India out of poverty & provides me commissions to run this website!)
LIMITED EDITION – Available While Supplies Last! Save $15.95 when you purchase this set, which includes the Enchanted Twist Cuff and the Enhanced Ruby Studs, that doubles your impact for women ending poverty cycles in India! The two designs pair perfectly to make a great gift or a holiday look for yourself! The Enchanted Twist Cuff features two thin, golden strands twisted together to create a beautiful design perfect for everyday wear. The stunning Enhanced Ruby Studs are made using faceted ruby stones set in a gold-tone frame.
*****Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages in areas of extreme poverty in India where vulnerable women are often exploited by sweatshops.*****
How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!
So, my family watched Left Behind & my world was SHOOK. (Read about how that started in Chapter 2.)
All of a sudden, I didn’t want to run from my questions anymore. I NEEDED answers.
I looked up Bible verses. I asked questions of my Christian friends. I asked my parents & church leaders. I became obsessed with wanting to know FOR SURE that I had the right answer… the true hope… in Jesus… that I wasn’t believing amiss.
I remember being SO jealous of people at church that just seemed to BELIEVE what they heard without questioning everything.
That childlike faith was no longer in me.I wanted to know.
Looking Deeper
Now that I am older, I can see some things at play here.
Questions are not sinful. God is SO far above & beyond us, that it makes sense for us to not understand… & for us to want to—this is a reason why God gave us His Word, the Bible!
Satan likes to take these questions & make you tempted to doubt God altogether… either to render you fruitless in your faith, to make you miserable, or to make you turn away from God altogether. Be careful!
We need to make sure that our questions don’t get mingled in with a subtle built-in “excuse” to sin. AKA, “well, if God ISN’T real, maybe that’s okay because then I don’t have to feel bad about wanting to do something God calls sin.” BE CAREFUL HERE!
I was ALL 3 at different points.
It Started with Legitimate Questions–I Wanted to Know What (Who) I Could Put My Full Faith In
I had legitimate questions being a limited human being serving a limitless God. His grace is beyond reasonable because it’s completely underserved. He made EVERYTHING. Plus, the world around us claims so many lies that they believe 100% that it seems the current is constantly flowing AGAINST you.
But Satan also used the questions to make me doubt God & start trying to find “backups” “in case God didn’t come through for me.” I mean, sometimes I would pray for something—like the end of a struggle—& the hard would just remain… sooo….
I Wanted to See for Myself
And so then, number 3… I started using my doubts as an excuse. I didn’t WANT to keep acting in that willpower I talked about last week. It was tiring trying to be a perfect Christian all the time (in my own strength), seeing other Christians seem to care far less about pleasing God… wishing I could care less, too… wishing I could do things God called (or hinted as) sin without feeling so bad about even the thought of it.
I started thinking up “loopholes” to God’s Word (I put loopholes in quotes here because, really, God isn’t fooled.)
My very real questions became my “excuse” to bend the rules… to look elsewhere for happiness… “just in case.”
But boy was I setting the stage for my own ruin. I was heading toward destruction. Part of me knew it & part of me didn’t care anymore. I wanted to see for myself.
Heading Out into Choppy Waters
And so the journey became more & more choppy. I had so MANY questions & no matter how many people I asked for answers, I always came back to the same conclusion: “to err is human.” And that being true, how could I trust any answer given to me by any living human being or any human in history?
How could I trust a Bible I wasn’t around to see completed? What if it was all made up? What if it really was just a bunch of men coming together? What if it was faked?
How could I trust physical evidences of God, the Bible, biblical history, etc., if evidences were faked all the time about other things?
How could I prove God if I couldn’t see Him, hear Him, feel Him, etc.?
Okay, so I trusted Jesus to save me, somehow even in all of that turmoil… but what if there were other ways to God? What if I was wrong?
I grew up a Christian, in a Christian home. What if I was just brainwashed by my upbringing. Not lied to, but believing only because I was told it was what I ought to believe?
What if God just made me & saved me & just doesn’t care about me much beyond that? What if He doesn’t even know what’s going on on earth or just doesn’t care?
The questions swirled & raged & tormented me. Nothing in life felt certain anymore. Nothing made sense. Nothing was sure. I didn’t know what to believe. I was scared.
Then my depression began to spiral. And everything got a whole lot worse.
I Thought God Wasn’t Listening… But He Had a Plan All Along
I no longer had a firm, steady, sure foundation, so when the depression symptoms began to creep in & the consequences of that started to show themselves & Satan started to exploit all of that… I didn’t have anything to hold on to. (Read more about how to recognize the different parts of depression so you can fight back, here: “Understanding Depression with Discernment.”)
I prayed for freedom from it. It didn’t come.
I prayed for an escape from it. It didn’t come.
The lack of response reinforced all of my doubts & all of my fears. I felt like God could care less about me.
I cried all the time, begging Him to help me… & yet the inescapable, gut-wrenching pain inside of me raged on—there was no escape… no relief… no freedom.
I Went My Own Way… Big Mistake
I was a prisoner in my own mind. No help came. No hope was in sight.
So, my desperate hunger for happiness just consumed me. I no longer believed I could trust God could provide that for me… or would provide it if He could.
But the problem was that everything I turned to for happiness seemed to get ripped out from under me time & time again.
Desperation mounted. I begged God still.Pain continued still. So I chased after anything I thought could help me instead. And all of it failed me or proved insufficient.
Hiding Behind a Smile
I stopped asking for help because seeing someone judge me, not take me seriously, or just be plain clueless on how to help after I had mustered up every bit of courage to ask for help just left me feeling 10x more helpless. The despair would just engulf me completely because I felt it was proof that there was no way out.
I learned how to hide my pain behind a convincing smile, jokes, laughter… an air of “I don’t care because I’m just fine,” while inside I was giving up & losing hope.
“In high school, I learned to come home, greet my family, say something like, “I’m gonna go work on some homework!” with a pep in my step & a confident smile, walk calmly to my room, open & close it in complete silence, turn the lock, drop the smile, numbly walk to my bed, grab a pillow & a blanket, open my closet door, step in & close the door behind me as I slumped to the floor in the corner, hold the pillow up to my face & just sob (& scream) uncontrollably into my pillow until I had no more strength left to cry. Then I would slump against the corner wall against my pillow & just stare into the darkness for an hour or so, whimpering, begging God to make the pain go away. And when it didn’t, I started to think of ways I could kill myself with the least amount of emotional damage to my family.
For 2 years in high school, this is what a majority of my days looked like… & nobody knew.
Where Was God?
It was an internal gut-wrenching ache in me that was so completely overwhelming & all-consuming sometimes. No explanation either. Sometimes nothing even needed to trigger it. It made no sense—so when people asked me why I was sad, I had no clue how to even answer them because I just didn’t know… & that was frustrating beyond comprehension. It was maddening.
I couldn’t understand why God wouldn’t let it stop.
I begged Him every single day.
He didn’t make it stop.
I doubted Him even more. Maybe He couldn’t help me. Maybe He just wouldn’t help me. Maybe He wasn’t enough. Maybe He didn’t care.
My hope was slipping away from me.
I wanted answers to my questions. I wanted to know 100% but every time God would give me a glimpse of relief or a happy day off from the pain, I would KNOW it was Him… a direct response to a prayer I had prayed… but then the doubts would win & I would accredit that relief to something else & move on.
All of My Support Slipped Away
All of my emotional crutches kept breaking.
My grades were trash… A’s & B’s turned into D’s & F’s, with occasional C’s.
Teachers that once praised me as the “good student” now saw me as someone who had given up & who didn’t care… so their faith in me evaporated & their praise & my good reputation went with it.
Many of my friends (not all!) were really no friends at all. I even got invited to a party with friends once, only to be uninvited because they had a limit & a boy someone liked had agreed to go… so I was dropped. Or the time a group of “friends” openly laughed at me, only to have someone speak up with a, “that’s not very nice” to their response of, “it’s just Michelle, who cares?” Quality friendship right there, huh?
I could do no right. I was a failure. I was broken. I was a burden. I was a joke. My pain was annoying. “Why can’t I just be happier?” I was frustrating. I was bleeding emotionally & no one noticed. No one knew how to help me. Some gave up trying. Others thought I was just dramatic. I felt alone.
So, I hid my pain away, pretending to be okay, crying alone in my closet most days when I got home as I described earlier.
The Night When Suicide No Longer Scared Me
And then came the night in my sophomore year of high school when I no longer cared to fight. I no longer saw any sign of hope. I had exhausted all of my failed attempts at happiness. My emotional crutches in life had all proved completely insufficient. I had nothing left. No safe space person in my life remained. I was alone. I had nothing to live for anymore. “Everyone’s life would be easier & less complicated if I just wasn’t in it anymore.” I was the problem & there was no other solution left.
Either God was enough or my life needed to end.
That was my final conclusion. There were no other options left. I was no longer scared of suicide.
Either God was enough or my life needed to end.
Either God Was Enough or My Life Needed to End
The weight of that reality weighed down on me so heavily that I could no longer hold up the weight of my own body.
I slumped off of my bed, slid to the floor, & lay face first flat on the ground with my arms at my side & I just wept into the carpet alone, while the rest of my world went on around me totally unaware.
And I cried out one more prayer to God & it was something like this:
“God, nothing works. I have tried everything. Everything that makes me happy, I have poured myself into only to see it’s never enough. Everything I relied on & cared about in my life has just slipped away from me. I don’t have anything left. I’m alone. I have nothing. I am nothing. I don’t have strength to fight anymore. I don’t care. I don’t want to try anymore. I just can’t do it anymore. I have nothing left. I can’t do this anymore. If You’re not the answer, there is no answer. If You’re not the hope, there is no hope. There is nothing. NOTHING works. NOTHING is sufficient. EVERYTHING has failed me. I have NOTHING. I need You. I need You so bad. I can’t do this anymore. Please help me. Please show me that You are here, with me, right now—NOT off in heaven ignoring me or laughing at me as I struggle… but HERE WITH ME. SHOW me that You CARE about me, that You LOVE me. Show me that I can trust You. I NEED to KNOW I can trust You once & for all. I NEED You because there is nothing else. I need You. If You are not able to sufficiently show me Yourself that I can indeed trust You completely & that You’re here & that You care about me… just KILL ME already, because I have nothing left. I no longer care about the consequences of my death because the pain is drowning me & I have nothing left in me to fight it anymore. Show me You are real, that You are right here with me, & that You care about me… or let me die. AMEN.”
Not the Words I Prayed, But the One to Whom I Prayed
There’s nothing magical about that prayer. If you are struggling, then memorizing or quoting that prayer will do you absolutely no good.
No—what it came down to was me recognizing once & for all that there is only ONE God. Only ONE hope. No other. No other emotional crutches, no substitutes, no supplemental supports I needed were going to give me hope.
ONLY GOD ALMIGHTY. ONLY JESUS.
ONLY.
Nothing else.
And when I recognized that & came to Him with nothing else as my backup & I prayed from that heart recognition….
Something that none of my efforts ever could accomplish happened in a single instant.
God Had a Perfect Plan
Chills spread across my body. The ache lifted out of me like it was being super-vacuumed out of me. The weight just dissipated instantaneously.
I felt free.
I felt light.
I felt HOPE.
Sobs of relief flooded through me & I felt like I could BREATHE for the first time in 2 years.
And in that moment, as I brought myself up to sitting cross-legged on my carpeted bedroom floor, I felt as if a warm embrace physically wrapped around my entire being & I felt a flooding sensation of LOVE & SAFE just fill in every dark crevice of my soul.
The relief I felt in that moment was indescribable & overwhelming. I cried… but this time, it was from a relief & joy that flooded me.
And all of a sudden, I knew that those 2 years were an undeniable demonstration of His gracious, loving MERCY… of His indescribably GOODNESS. Because now I KNEW He is Who He says He is once & for all.
God Knew Exactly What I Needed
My doubts had taken over my life & left me rocky & unstable & unsure & all of a sudden, all of that just was swept completely away by an absolute assurance that God is GOD & that when I have absolutely NOTHING… if I have Him, I have EVERYTHING.
He. Is. My. ENOUGH.
God knew I would tirelessly credit everything & everyone but Him… that I would always put something else in the credits of my hope & joy. God knew He needed to strip away everything else I relied on as my security & hope for me to see that HE IS my Hope.
I know I still get pulled away by comforts & other things I try to support me. I still fail & mess up.
But now, deep down, I have an assurance like none other… that all I really need is Him.
He Is Worthy!
Why do I do what I do? Because I want YOU to have that SAME ASSURANCE flowing through EVERYTHING in your life.
That He is WORTH IT. That He is DESERVING. That He LOVES YOU INDESCRIBABLY so.
Living for Him is an honor. Living for Him requires sacrifice, but only for that which is far greater.
Growing up a Christian—A Grace-Filled Life
Why is this series called “Growing up a Christian—A Grace-Filled Life”? Because grace implies an undeserving, & wow is that an accurate depiction of my life.
How often how ungrateful I am. How often I chase other things for comfort. How often I want to wallow versus pray. How often I want to live for me versus give my all for Him.
I will forever be a work in progress. It will always be a grace-filled life because I will never deserve it.
But THANK GOD He will never give up on me & that He will never stop loving me….
The same goes for you, too.
So, shine HOPE by taking doubts to Him… by learning from my experiences & coming to that conclusion that HE IS WHERE YOUR TRUE HOPE COMES FROM & that even if you lost it all… if you have Him, you have it all. SHINE THAT HOPE.
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.
Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
A Note from Michelle:
(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)
This blog/website has been running for FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!
Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world!Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Forest Critters Ornament Set (NEPAL)
(Shown: Forest Critters Ornament Set, handcrafted in Nepal. Every purchase empowers women in Nepal out of poverty!)
HOLIDAY EDITION – While supplies last! This adorable, festive Forest Critter Ornament Set from Nepal will add some adorable charm to your holiday decor! Each ornament set features four friendly forest critters made entirely out of 100% wool—a little fox, white bunny, gray squirrel, and an adorable hedgehog. Each Forest Critter Ornament Set is handcrafted using traditional wool crafting techniques that have been passed down for generations.
*****Your purchase provides a woman in an area of extreme poverty in Nepal with a safe job and fair wage.*****
How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!
For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.