Which Soil Describes Your Heart?

Wayside, trampled, birds—distracted, devil takes it “lest they be saved.”

Rocks, withered, lacked moisture—received with joy, no root, in temptation, it’s gone.

Thorns, choked—cares, riches, pleasures push it out.

Good ground, sprang up, multiplied—keep it, bear fruit with patience.

Anyone Can Hear God’s Word & Not Let It Permeate

I know that Jesus’ parable (fictional story told to make a point more clear) of the sower of seeds & types of ground it lands on, in Luke 8:4-15, is often talked about with relation to those who don’t accept Jesus, but I think it can be applied to anyone.

If you think about it, the seeds are the Word of God (truth from the Bible), not directly the Gospel (the beyond belief amazingly good news—aka Jesus dying & rising again to pay for OUR sins before God).

So, if we look at this chapter of the Bible from the POV of a Christian, what can we learn from it? What can it teach us about how we take in God’s Word?

The 4 Types of Soil

There are 4 types of ground Jesus mentions in this story: wayside, rocky, thorny, & good.

But He doesn’t leave it there. He elaborates in an explanation to His disciples of the meaning behind the different types of soil in this parable.

Jesus wants us to see a word picture of the different ways we receive His truth when we hear or read His Word. He wants us to be aware, to take notice of it. Why? Because He wants us to pay attention. He knows His Word nourishes our souls more than what makes sense to us logically. We need it more than we know.

When Seeds End Up on the Wayside–Distracted/Half-Hearted, Doesn’t Sink In

The wayside He describes, where the seeds are trampled & birds come & gobble up the seed tossed there (or, where the Word of God is heard/read), is Satan coming & snatching that truth right out of your head so that it can do you no good.

Now, to me, this sounds like reading the Bible half-heartedly… maybe because you feel you HAVE to…. Not necessarily because you WANT to. Maybe other things are on your mind, maybe you’re tired or distracted or just not into it that much. It kind of goes in one ear & out the other.

Why I Didn’t Read the Bible Regularly, Consistently

Well, this was a lot of my growing up. I assumed I just wasn’t any good at reading my Bible. I had tried SO MANY TIMES to be consistent, to “read the Bible in a year,” (funny how that’s not ever mentioned as a requirement in the Bible… aka, just start somewhere, just READ) etc. & always fell off to not reading anymore. Now, I went to church, Sunday school before church, attended Bible Studies, did devotionals, read edifying books… but as far as sitting down & just straight up reading through the Bible? Meh, didn’t feel I had the concentration for that.

I was wrong, of course. I had believed the Satan-fed lie that it was all up to me. That I had to “willpower my way through it, or else.” I thought that proved I believed God “enough” to please Him, if I could manage to force myself to do it.

And, as I said… I was wrong. So very completely wrong. No willpower needed, actually. None at all. NONE.

How God Helped Me Overcome My MANY Obstacles

All it took, my friend, was a willingness to LET GOD HELP ME DO IT. To say EVERY time, if needed, “God, why do I keep getting so distracted & off course? I am SO bad at this. Please forgive me. Will You help me stay on track right in this moment as I read? I trust that IF this pleases & honors You (which I know it does), THEN I can ALSO trust You to be MORE THAN sufficient in helping me accomplish it. So… please… help me. In Jesus’ name, AMEN!”

And then… immediately… I would just START reading, & trust that God would carry me through it in His power, not mine. (He DID. Every time. Even when it didn’t feel “easy.”)

Satan is crafty. He knows how to discourage you best. Headaches? You’ll get a lot of them. Distractions? You’ll get a lot of them. Hard time concentrating? It will forever be hard to concentrate.

Whatever gets you to put that Bible down… Satan knows. He will use it.

God is stronger.

When the Seeds End Up on the Rocks–And Temptations Come a Knockin’

The second type of soil is the rocky kind. This type, Jesus says, is like the Word of God that you receive & accept so willingly, with joy… but the second that temptation hits you, you immediately forget & toss out everything you deep down knew to be true when you heard it.

Listen, I am going to say this as gently as possible… because I am speaking to myself on this as well… author Jerry Bridges hit me over the head with this truth bomb, in his book “The Pursuit of Holiness” (go read this right now—SO GOOD): “There is no such thing as victory & defeat for a Christian in regards to sin, only obedience & disobedience, because once we trust on Jesus for our sin, God empowers the victory… if we’re willing to trust it & obey.” (paraphrased)

Jerry Bridges with Regard to Victory & Defeat VS Obedience & Disobedience

“Too often, we say we are defeated by this or that sin. No, we are not defeated. We are simply disobedient. It might be good if we stop using the terms victory and defeat to describe our progress in holiness. Rather, we should use the terms obedience and disobedience. When I say I am defeated by some sin, I am unconsciously slipping out from under my responsibility. I am saying something outside of me has defeated me. But when I say I am disobedient, that places the responsibility for my sin squarely on me. We may in fact be defeated, but the reason we are defeated is because we have chosen to disobey.

We need to brace ourselves up and to realize that we are responsible for thoughts, attitudes, and actions. We need to reckon on the fact that we died to sin’s reign, that it no longer has any dominion over us, that God has united us with the risen Christ in all His power and has given us the Holy Spirit to work in us. Only as we accept our responsibility and appropriate God’s provisions will we make any progress in our pursuit of holiness.” (Jerry Bridges, Pursuit of Holiness)

Do Not LET Sin Win–Surrender It to God for HELP

God GIVES US POWER TO OVERCOME! We HAVE to be WILLING to accept it, though. It takes surrender. It takes dying to self. It takes trusting God is God & knows what He is saying more so than the lies of your temptations.

But we have a choice. Once we have accepted the blood of Jesus to atone for our sin, we have a CHOICE. To sin or not to sin. It doesn’t rule us anymore.

But sometimes we let it, don’t we? Sometimes we feel out of control because we want to not stop it. We want to make excuses for it. To feel okay with it. That it isn’t really “that” bad.

But, when we do that… we are shriveling up the truth that gave life to us… that we knew in our heart was truth. Don’t allow your flesh to lie you out from under the blessings of TRUTH.

When the Seeds End Up in the Thorns/Snares–Don’t Let It Get Drowned Out

The third is the thorny ground. This ground hears God’s Word, but is so overcome by all things around that you don’t take it in.

Jesus mentions “cares, riches, pleasures.” This sounds to me like “responsibilities, routines, habits, pursuit of more, pursuit of above & beyond, pursuit of success, love of MORE, comforts, happiness, having what we’ve always wanted. Pursuit of SELF.”

I fall into all 3 of these aforementioned types of soil sometimes, or have at least in different times in my life. This one is no different. I forget sometimes that I can trust the Blessing-Giver more than I can the blessings He provides me.

I hold on to what makes me comfortable, feel secure, feel happy. I CLING.

And the truth gets choked out of me sometimes. I get numb to it. I lose sight of it. I lose sight of my trust in Him... of living for HIM more than I live for myself. I forget.

Assessing the Soil–Are You Taking in What You Read?

I’ve been distracted. I’ve wrestled with excuses. I’ve been fooled by temptations. I’ve chosen sin. I’ve trusted comforts more than the One Who supplied them to me.

But what can we do to change that for ourselves? What can we do to cultivate a type of soil that is described by Jesus as the “good” ground?

Having a noble & good heart, keeping that truth with patience, trusting God’s work & word & ways more than my own. Watching Him multiply His Word that I take into my heart, mind, & soul into a harvest of blessings both for myself & those around me… seeing the peace it provides, the joy, the security, the surety, the steadiness. Trusting God to be GOD. Letting God be God.

Where do you need to start? Which soil describes you most right now? What do you need to work on surrendering, apologizing, turning? Where do you need to ask for God’s help?

Shine HOPE by working to have a noble & good heart who trusts God through distractions, trusts God’s help (& TAKES it) through temptation lies, & trusts God is more sufficient & good than ANYTHING else you could be striving after—that He alone is where TRUE satisfaction, joy, & HOPE resides.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for 7 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Cygnus Savings Set (EAST ASIA & INDIA)

This week only save when you purchase the Cygnus Savings Set!

Purchase this set to save on Artisan-made designs! The stunning Cygnus Mini Pouch has a detailed, hand embroidered white swan. Each Mini Pouch is handmade by women in India earning a dignified wage for their work. Also included in the Cygnus Savings Set is the Elva Rose Bracelet handcrafted by women escaping brothels in East Asia. The multicolored, jasper stone beaded bracelet includes square 18k gold-plated accent beads and one round gold bead for a gorgeous look!

***Purchase this set, using the “Shop Here” link below! Each design is created by women who are earning a dignified wage for their work, in an area of great need.***

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

Depressed? Depression? What’s the Difference?

I see these two getting mixed up quite a lot, whether it’s in psychology circles or just discussions about it. Even in a recent Bible study book I was reading seemed to equate the two versus understanding their differences. I understand the intent, but it’s important to understand the distinction, so let’s get into it.

To start us off, I highly recommend you first read my previous post about “Understanding Depression with Discernment,” where I break this down in even more detail & offer some useful insight God has given me in my many years of struggling with depression while being a Christian & seeking God for wisdom & answers through those very difficult many years

The 5 Distinguishable Parts of Depression

The blog post I mentioned above helps distinguish between 5 parts of struggling with depression:

1. The Cause (chemical imbalance, etc.)
2. The Symptoms (numb, checked out, bleh, etc.)
3. The Consequences of Symptoms (easy jobs seem harder, you feel weaker/less capable, others may judge you, etc.)
4. How Satan Exploits Our Weakness (suicidal thoughts, questioning our value/worth, feeling beat down & worthless & a burden to family/friends)
5. Our Choice (Trust Satan’s VERY convincing LIES, or CLING TO TRUTH through prayer & God’s Word)

Read the post if you struggle–it was a life-changing & quite freeing realization for me. I hope it is the same for you.

One Doesn’t Automatically Include the Other

But, today, I want to hone in more on the huge difference between feeling DEPRESSED & having DEPRESSION.

The 2 don’t even have to coexist. You can possibly not have depression but be going through something REALLY hard that doesn’t let up & definitely feel very DEPRESSED. But you can also feel pretty okay & have DEPRESSION.

So, let’s talk about it. Because the more we talk about it, the more we can learn to remove the chains of “I have ______________, therefore, I AM _____________,” & learn some freedom through the clouds.

Depression

First, there’s depression. Having depression is something out of your control in some respects, although you CAN learn to help your brain out a bit. It’s not an attitude or bitterness or anything like that. There have been seasons where I felt I could not stop crying, but when I would try to seek out WHY, I found no logical reason. I was just SAD for no reason. It can be maddening. Like a weightiness pressing on me without a cause.

Now, I say that it’s out of your control “in some respects,” because there are things you can do to help your brain out.

Honoring God means stewarding well His blessings & gifts, including our bodies.

How Can We Help Our Brains?

We need to make sure to nourish & fuel it. You wouldn’t put syrup in your car’s gas tank & expect it to run well much longer & our bodies are much like that, but much more forgiving (at least temporarily). Make sure you are checking the nutritious value of your food intake, so your brain has the nourishment it needs to function well.

Drink plenty of water to help flush your body of toxins & keep yourself hydrated.

Make sure you’re getting regular/sound sleep.

Moving your body, even on several walks a week help keep everything in your body running more smoothly.

In some cases, even with stewarding your body well, your brain chemistry is just still out of whack, & so medication may be recommended in some cases. But make sure to try to give your body what it needs before supplementing with meds. All meds have side effects, but treating your body the way it longs to be treated only has good outcomes. Try that first.

THE Ultimate Depression Tip

But, aside from doing your part to keep your body functioning well, helping it out by treating it right, when those symptoms hit, there is an ultimate necessity that will be a make or break for you: PRAYER.

Now, if you rolled your eyes just now… I get it. REALLY get it. But that is because it is so easy to misunderstand prayer. It’s not about special words that do you any good… it’s about considering the WHO you’re talking to that makes a difference. HE can do what you just cannot.

Quick Detour: How Pain CAN Actually HELP Us

I think it’s too easy to skip this part, to think you just need to patch it, fix it, get the uncomfortable OUT. But you know what, in all my years of struggling with this & asking God WHY… “WHY are you letting me suffer?????” His answer both humbled & encouraged me more than I could have ever expected:

It was something like this realization: “You look around & you can see people, even Christians, basically ignoring Me in their day-to-day. They maybe pray before a meal, go to church, some just the “bare minimum.” They don’t think they need Me. But not you… you have never had the “luxury” of believing you could do this life on your own. You have been in a perpetual state of NEED most of your life. And because of it, you have seen Me come through for you & be faithful to you & do for you what others can’t see because they trust themselves over Me. Your faith has grown because you have needed Me so consistently & I have been your enough through every bit of it.”

The need, the lacking, the discomfort, the vulnerability… it is all HARD. But don’t try to run away from hard. Don’t just pop a pill & move on. Use it as your very ever-present reminder of your very real need of HIM as your EVERYTHING & not just when you think you need something.

No Fanfare, But All Power

So, back to the ultimate recommendation: PRAY. Turn to Him. Ask Him to help you where you can’t help yourself. To BE your strength to face your day.

I wake up numb some days. Like everything is through a hazy gray, black & white. Tired. Out of it. Don’t care. Just bleh.

Natural me? Can I fake a cough, put pjs back on, curl under the covers, & skip life today please? (I don’t EVER do this, but the temptation is VERY strong some days, let me tell you.)

But I have learned, that although saying some words to God in my head can sometimes feel like the equivalent of a child thinking they can fly to the moon using a cardboard box because they REALLY want it… basically unrealistic & not enough… it IS enough… because God doesn’t have to SHOW UP with fanfare & blaring trumpets & bright light & filling your room with robes, etc., with sparkling flow coming from His hands as He forms whatever it is you need in that moment or HEAL you in every way possible right there… to show His power to you. No.

His power is quiet. Unassuming. No fanfare whatsoever.

And yet… it works.

I pray. He hears. He helps.

He Helps

My wasted, worthless days, where I am just running at 0% wondering how I am going to even manage to go to work that day, let alone all the chores & responsibilities I have waiting. He helps. He supplies. Every single time.

I pray & I ask God to help be my supply. I ask Him to be my strength when I feel I have none. I ask for encouragement & wisdom, peace & strength. I ask for my next step. I ask for HELP. And He supplies.

Do I do this every day? No. Honestly, some days I give up & get tired of needing to ask for help. I want to be selfish & not need it. I want to be self-sufficient & I get tired of constant NEED. I’m sorry to God for that. For wanting to be my own God. He is SO patient & gentle & faithful with me & I truly don’t deserve it.

The Important Distinction Between Feeling Depressed & Having Depression

Now for the feeling depressed part. It’s actually not synonymous with having depression. You can actually have depression & not spiral into feeling depressed, although you are definitely a lot more susceptible & vulnerable to it…. (*Go back up & read that original recommended post at the start if you want a little more FREEdom on this.)

But, as I admitted, I struggle wanting to surrender my weakness every day. I get worn. I get selfish. I want to be okay without help. I want to not feel so weak anymore.

And yes, deep down, if I am willing to admit how selfish that sounds & then submit that to God for a change of attitude, I can see every time that the weakness is worth seeing how capable God is.

Satan Likes to Beat Us While We’re Down

But there is always that war with the flesh. Always needing to make it die to self, to submit. And that is hard every day. It’s not easy to surrender. And sometimes I have to ask God to even help me to WANT change of attitude. If you know, you know.

Feeling depressed is of the enemy. Satan wants us to give up. He wants us to believe his lies. He wants us to sink into despair. He wants us to demand to be able to count on ourselves vs constantly needing God. He wants us doubting God. Satan wants us in chains, bondage, fear, anxiety, pain, hatred, bitterness. That’s where he wants us.

And when you have depression… it’s true… you’re weaker to it. It feels so easy to believe it. You’re vulnerable, needy even. Others oftentimes don’t get it. Eye rolls are caught in the corner of your eye. Compassion is often lacking. You get misunderstood. You feel like a burden.

Depressed Without Depression

It’s not always bitterness, bad attitude, etc. Sometimes life is just HARD.

Even if you don’t have depression, sometimes life hits you SO HARD out of nowhere. Happy, fun, laughter memories & then BAM sideswiped & your loved one is gone. Or infidelity, cancer, loss of a child, infertility, betrayal, abuse… life on this earth is very very hard sometimes, isn’t it? Sin wreaks havoc wherever it goes.

And it’s hard. So hard. So hard not to just feel the pain wash over you & knock you off your feet, swirling & tossing & trying to come up for air, choking on the hurt in your heart like a lump in your throat.

Sometimes it is sin. Your own sin? Guilt, shame, getting yourself in a mess. Sometimes it’s sin in the form of unresolved bitterness, refusal to forgive, refusal of God’s help, refusal to trust God’s plan or promises.

You don’t have to have depression to be depressed. Life is hard sometimes.

But… God.

God IS ALWAYS Enough

That power I mentioned? The no-fanfare power? The one that seems like “how could it ever?” & yet, does? It’s still there in that, too. God meets us where we are. He doesn’t ask us to pretty up pain before we come to Him IN it.

He can handle it. He can take it.

Sometimes, I have hard days. My depression gets the better of me. I’m not suicidal, but often have days where I find myself asking God if I could have a heart attack maybe so I could just go to heaven so I don’t ever have to feel hurt again. I know that makes some of you uncomfortable to read, but it’s the truth. And the worst part is, I know I have nothing in my life to warrant that. Nothing worthy of wanting to leave for heaven so badly some days. And yet.

God As My Comfort

I sometimes, in the hard, picture God, as best I can from a human mind never having seen Him in all of His splendor & majesty, & I picture Him as a huge giant of a man who fills a room, big & mighty. And I crawl up into the crook of his elbow & nestle in, knowing He has me & won’t ever let me go.

Knowing He’s faithful & kind, gentle & loving. He won’t ever let me go.

And then I thought, but there will be such great demand for this from everyone if this were as He is. But then it dawned on me… God is so infinite in nature, that He could be that for me AND for everyone else INDIVIDUALLY because of how infinite & vast He is.

What We NEED to Remember When We ARE DEPRESSED

In all the hard of life, I think it’s so, SO important to remember what God instructs us in Philippians 4:8 Think on those things. Be INTENTIONAL in it. Life will always have HARD, but it will also always have GOOD, because God is GOOD.

Remember to PRAISE Him… to WORSHIP… to THANK Him. Don’t quote verses about it… DO IT. You will be surprised how often it lifts your soul from the miry muck to peace in remembering an awe for all God is & has done for you. REMEMBER.

Put on the armor OF GOD every day. (Ephesians 6:10-18) Remember the impossible peace He can offer IN the storm. Remember if you trust on Jesus to cover your sins against God by His dying on the cross & rising again… you are SAVED from your sin & NOTHING can take that from you. Remember FAITH… not in the superficial ideal of hope, but faith in what GOD can do where you can’t. Remember God’s Word as TRUTH no matter what you see or feel. Remember to make God-honoring choices, even & especially when you don’t FEEL like it. Remember to PRAY.

(*Read about the armor OF God in more detail on a previous post of mine: “What Good Is the Armor of God? (Part 1/2” & “What Good Is the Armor of God? (Part 2/2)”)

If you can’t fight anymore, I get you. In your heart, when you have no strength to pray, close your eyes & picture crawling up into the nook of His arms, letting Him hold you in perfect peace despite the world. Let Him be for you what you can’t for yourself.

It is okay to not be okay. But don’t let the enemy win… let God.

Shine HOPE by calling out to God & trusting He hears you. He sees you. He loves you.

***Read these other past posts about Depression: “Depression & Me”; “Depression: the Devil’s Playground”; “The Sin Problem That Lurks in Depression & Struggles”; “Pivot, Pivot! #3-The Dungeon of Depression-The Journey of Truth”; “Sometimes God Doesn’t Take the Pain Away.” ***

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for 6.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Awakening Necklace (INDIA)

Create safe jobs for women in India when you shop the Awakening Necklace. The intricate design of this necklace makes it uniquely customizable, featuring its twisted burgundy and gold cord with a gold-tone pendant charm and adjustable golden bead for easy wearing. This necklace is easy to pull over your head and adjust to your perfect length.

***Every purchase, using the “Shop Here” link below, creates safe jobs with fair wages in areas of extreme poverty in India.***

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

God Can Heal What Can’t Be Healed

Okay, this one’s personal. This one isn’t a very popular topic to be openly discussed, but again, if the church isn’t talking about it, then all we can hear is the world’s opinion, & seeing how God says that our hearts are “desperately wicked” & “deceitful above all things,” well, we probably shouldn’t be turning to the world around us for truth on this subject. (Jeremiah 17:9)

When I was [single digit] years old, I was flipping through our 8-channel tv (yes, I am that old), & I saw a woman with no clothes on a man with no clothes. Showed too much (not like porn, but definitely much too much for a chance sighting through simple channel flipping by a child.)

That singular moment bore itself into my brain a proclivity toward lust. Fantasizing. (With the amount of raunchy &/or suggestive ads that come up when playing a kid game app on my phone, I worry about these next generations & the addictions that will stem from it, completely unbeknownst to their parents.)

I Felt the Need to be “Wantable”

Couple that with the fact that I felt like the fattest, most unappealing girl in any given friend circle, leading to me using flirting & innuendos to gain affection & admiration from my peers at school.

Desperate, hormone-charged, insecure, ill-judgment-ridden me thought I had to be what guys wanted in order to be wantable or likeable. And I wanted to be wantable & likeable.

I didn’t always make the best decisions. But boy did I have loopholes “figured out” in my mind to “justify” them, because the big offender was sex of any kind & well, I was “just using words.”

[God wasn’t fooled.]

A Friend Hurt Me

And eventually, I faced sexual assault. I wasn’t raped, but I was touched inappropriately without consent repeatedly & on multiple occasions, & some by close male friends. I had made them believe that’s the type of girl I was—not that that gives them any right remotely, but I did make them think I was okay with it. I very much was not, but was too afraid to seem “prude” or like I was making too big a deal of “nothing“ to speak up.

It made me feel cheap, used, disposable. It made me feel I had no worth or value, just seen as an object for desire… to be used… & not much more. It left me feeling an ick no length of shower could wash away.

We’re Often Treated As Disposable… Not Treasured

This is no new thing for many, MANY females. (I once had a guy ask to touch me somewhere inappropriate within MINUTES of being introduced to me by a friend, “because he liked them.” (ew) And that was one of MANY countless harassing/uncomfortable situations I have experienced, even by strangers, throughout my lifetime.

Tv shows, music, movies, all have examples of women depicted as sexual objects, comments from men/boys in them being centered on how hot they are or whether they would want them based on how hot they are, or the opposite, how much they would be grossed out if she didn’t “look hot.”

Women are used to being portrayed as the busty eye candy ogled & talked to/about suggestively throughout a movie, music video, show, etc., not holding much additional value to the plot.

Sexual Assault/Harassment Causes Heart Scars That God Can Heal

Assault is common. More common than you think. Some is just minimalized as “just joking around,” but it’s not funny. In my travels abroad, even, I have witnessed grown men ogling nude magazines shamelessly in the middle of a convenience store aisle, & even countrywide laws where no phones are able to have a feature where you can turn off the sound for taking a picture so as to prevent men taking pictures up skirts on the train. It’s nothing new—there are forms of the exploitation of women all over the world.

Even in dating, the pressure to have sex is almost unquestioned these days by youth, as if it’s just EXPECTED. As if our dating value is dependent on offering our BODIES once again!

No wonder there is so much damage in this area! No wonder there is distrust, closed off-ness, lack of vulnerability, distance, turning to erotica, fantasizing, or even porn. Women are widely taught that men are not safe spaces when it comes to sexuality.

We Bring the Damage Done with Us

Then, we get married. And all that baggage gets dumped on our husband. And he doesn’t get why he has to pay the price for what he didn’t do to you.

But he does. The fear gut reaction doesn’t just go away because you’re married now.

The ick of giving in to being ogled or heckled or touched or talked about inappropriately because you didn’t want to make a big deal out of it or cause a scene… it sticks with you.

Because I was assaulted by someone I cared a lot about, multiple times before my other friend coached me & pushed me to have the courage to stop it… I was subconsciously terrified of someone desiring me, because last time it had happened, it made someone who I cared about choose getting what he wanted from me above caring for my wellbeing... choose hurting me over protecting me–because of his desire for me.

And it wasn’t fair to my husband. He never hurt me.

When You Have Trouble Believing God Knows What He’s Talking About–Sexual Vulnerability/Intimacy After Hurt

But you read how God talks about marriage & sexual intimacy & the safety & security there… the freedom to love your spouse wholly & freely & to be loved back just the same way… & it just seems like a joke, a pipe dream… an impossibility… a nice thought… a non-reality. But God DESIGNED sex. And He set rules for it to protect it–if we but trust Him.

So, after all of those distorted views on sexual intimacy through fantasizing, that only became worse after I was assaulted because then I was in control & no one else… plus being degraded by strangers & friends alike throughout my lifetime… plus seeing how pretty much all media portrayed desire/worth/value through how hot you were (aka your value equaling mainly sex appeal)….

Well, how am I supposed to believe God knows what He’s talking about? That HIS design WORKS?

Sin Robs Freedom & Joys

The fear of being vulnerable was so intense the first 5 or so years of marriage. It was so hard to switch from protect-myself mode to intimacy with another person. I still struggle on occasion.

I so often relied on fantasies vs my husband because it felt safer than being vulnerable. I used to go into fight or flight in intimate situations & eventually learned to excuse myself to the restroom so I could reset, pray, & re-coach my brain by telling it this was different… this wasn’t THAT.

How was I supposed to trust HIS design, when literally everything in my world SCREAMED the opposite?

You see sitcoms where the running joke is implied that after marriage, sex just doesn’t happen anymore. And I think part of that is a whole lot of what I’ve been talking about. Plus, the fact that for women, it’s usually us feeling SAFE & CARED FOR & absolutely CHERISHED that gets us in the mood really, & when life is crazy & busy & distractions are ABOUNDING, it’s really hard for a woman to settle into that head space & trust in being vulnerable.

Though It Seems Easier to Trust Our Own Solutions… Trust Instead That God Can Heal What’s Broken & Renew That Sense of Safe Space to be Vulnerable Again

It just seems easier to rely on steamy novels for some women, fantasizing, or even porn (let’s stop pretending men are the only ones who struggle with THAT temptation). Even if it’s “just” steamy novels, don’t pretend that’s any better either (as someone once wisely put it to me—those novels being made available to us means someone had to write it—so reading it encourages those people to keep fantasizing up sexual stories).

But all that just leaves us with is further disconnect. A lack of intimate connection to our spouse. Distance. Lack of enjoying each other together. Lack of freedom in your expression of love for each other.

That’s how fantasizing hurts. It encourages solo vs shared. It encourages selfish control vs shared vulnerability. It encourages isolation vs intimacy.

And it’s something I still have to wrestle. Ever since that one little scene my innocent single-digit me saw when flipping channels, fantasizing has been my companion. I was in control. I was safe… or so I thought. And now it’s addiction that I have to battle from time to time. And I lose sometimes… or rather, I choose to dishonor God because my lust shoves Him aside selfishly & foolishly.

God Designed Sexual Intimacy… So Let Him Set the Boundaries… & Trust Him to Renew What Is Broken or Hurt

But I have seen God help shift the narrative. I have seen Him working. I have seen changes. I am learning to say, “God, I don’t think I can go without this, but I have to believe Your plan & design is better than mine, even as false as that may seem to me at any given moment. I have to trust that You can where I can’t. That You can change me. That You can help me rebuild. That You can help me have the free trust in my own marriage despite all of the poison I have encountered throughout my own lifetime, whether through media, strangers, friends, or through myself & my wrong, sinful choices. Please help me to believe that You know what You’re talking about & that Your design is best AND possible, even in the reality I’m in… even after all the years of mistakes I have made in contributing to my damaged view of possibility. Help me continue to change for Your way over mine, choosing to trust You more than my own desires for safety my way. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

Shine HOPE by choosing to trust God & do it His way, even when you have trouble believing it can ever be possible. Where you can’t. He CAN. God is in the business of making all things new—even you, even in this.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for 6.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Ginkgo Leaf Earrings–Golden (INDIA)

When you shop the Ginkgo Earrings (also available in silver-tone), you are creating safe jobs for women in areas of extreme poverty in India. These stunning, sculpted earrings are the perfect fair-trade fashion statement! Each gold-tone Ginkgo Earring features two connected ginkgo-shapes to create this beautiful dangle earring!

***Shop these beautifully handcrafted earrings from India, using the “Shop Here” link below, to empower women in India out of poverty!***

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

”… the More Wretched I Realize I Am”

Something I find myself quoting pretty regularly these days is something I heard in the past months that really stuck with me, something like: “The holier I become, the more wretched I realize I am.”

In other words, the more that I strive to be more like Jesus, the more that I recognize how far from being like Jesus I am.

But something that I find inexplicably cool is the harmony in that as I strive toward holiness, thus recognizing more & more just how wretched I truly am… it only continues to solidify in my heart just how deserving of praise God is. It humbles me, but leaves me feeling secure despite it, prompting praise for the sacrifice Jesus gave to save a sinner like me.

It is not a recognition that spurs shame, but one that spurs praise.

I don’t deserve Him. I don’t deserve for God to forgive me or for Him to even give me a second thought. I am lower than a flea. A fraction of a drop in a bucket compared to His vast eternal presence. And yet….

Such a beautiful thing to ground you in this life. To humble you. To sober you. To set your mind right. To press you to praise Him.

”Be Holy, for I [God] Am Holy”

Growing up, I would hear, “be holy, for I am holy,” (1 Peter 1:16) & I would recoil, cringe, & bristle. It felt so unattainable, so out of reach, so impossible, too high a request. And anything that sounds impossible, when asked of me just makes me want to pretend I didn’t hear it, plug my ears, close my eyes tightly, & back away slowly as if it was never said.

Holiness? ME?

When I hear the word HOLY, I think absolutely perfect, zero flaws, zero mistakes, no room for error, never messing up, never getting anything wrong. That sounded terrifyingly impossible to me. I was scared that if I thought about it too much, I would worry that I can’t ever ACTUALLY BE saved because I knew I could never measure up to that. I was too weak & easily deceived. The word holiness scared me.

We Were Never Meant to Do It Alone

But, between reading influence from Andrew Murray’s book on Prayer, where he talked about how often Christians burn out trying to be good enough for God, when God never asked us to do it in our OWN willpower, but in fact, consistently reminds us to do everything “in faith [in God’s help], through faith [in God’s help], by God, through God, in prayer [asking for God’s help].” Basically, hammering in the fact that WE CANNOT LIVE GOD’S WAY WITHOUT GOD’S HELP.

And then, reading one of my other absolute favorite books: “The Pursuit of Holiness,” by Jerry Bridges, where he gently, & full of grace, walks through what it looks like to pursue holiness, basically to live everything you do through the lens of, “what would honor God most in this situation?” Not that you will get it right every time, or always know or choose what’s best, but that you live with that lens that seeks to please God with your life in all that you do, big or small.

Reading those 2 books really took away the fear over the word holiness for me… because, 1. It is not meant to be through MY perfection or willpower, but by learning to rely on HIS…. & 2. It is not about knowing everything there is to know & never ever messing up, but about living every moment learning how to do life with the perspective of, “what would please God most here?” A growing process, with God’s help.

(PLEASE GO READ THOSE 2 BOOKS! You can find more information about them on my “Recommended by Michelle” tab of my website.)

My Human, Fleshly Go-To Is NOT “How Will This Best Please GOD,” But Rather, “How Will This Best Please ME?”

Some seasons, I really wonder how God has not given up on me by now. I know, you may not know me well, & you may see me from a distance, writing all these blog posts every week & providing resources, & volunteering with different ministry opportunities at church & think I must at least have it more together than you do… but if you only knew.

My human fleshly go-to is not “how will this best please GOD,” but rather, “how will this best please ME?” EVERY DAY sometimes requires a quick lowering of my head in AGAIN recognized defeat, praying silently, “God, please set my heart straight. I’m sorry.”

It is not my gut response to want holiness. It is to want ME… to want comfort & ease, & ME.

Some days, it is easier. Some days I am in awe of Him & am fresh from seeing Him work in some awesome way in my life or in someone else’s life & I am eager to live my all for Him.

But that is not every day. And in some darker seasons in my life, where it is marked with much more pain than happy moments, it’s honestly a rarity. It becomes more of a silently whimpered, “Help. I just want easy. Help. I want to honor You, but I just want some easy again. Help me want You more than that. Please help me want what’s better. Help me please, because all I want is the end of this, when I know what I really actually need is You. Please help me want You more. Help me, please.”

Dying to Self Is Not Easy… It Is Worth It

I am selfish. I am self-seeking. I want comfort & ease. I want to rely on the blessings of God more than I rely on HIM. I want to not be stretched or challenged. I want what comes easily to me. And I have to sometimes moment-by-moment learn to lay that down. To offer it as my sacrifice to Him to want Him more, even when I’m not sure I believe it sometimes because of how badly & desperately I think I need what I want instead.

I have to learn to die to myself. And that is not at all comfortable.

I am wretched. More than you know. HE knows, though

I can’t earn Him. I have nothing of value I can offer Him. I fail Him constantly. I fall short of His glory every single day. I don’t give myself & my life to Him as He deserves. I hold back from Him. I doubt Him sometimes. I am not worthy. I am wretched.

And yet….

Jesus.

Wretched & Wholly Forgiven

How can I be who I am & be so fully loved by God? So wholly forgiven by God?

Jesus.

Because of Jesus, even being wretched, I am wholly forgiven. A beautifully possible impossibility.

I fail Him EVERY day. And yet, JESUS.

Do you see how equally humbling & freeing & praise-inducing that reality is?!?

The Beautifully Possible Impossibility

I WANT to be holy now. I don’t fear that word anymore because I know that my standing before God is secured not through myself, but through JESUS CHRIST, & that ANYTHING He asks of me, He equally promises to HELP ME LIVE it… because I surely could never hope to achieve it on my own or in my own strength.

PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!!!

Wretched & wholly forgiven! The beautifully possible impossibility!!

Shine HOPE by taking your wretchedness to the cross of Jesus Christ, trading in your sin for His forgiveness & hope, not fearing a life seeking holiness for Christ’s sake, knowing full well that you are then fully forgiven & that God promises to help you come what may as you seek to live in a way that pleases & honors His name. So, pursue holiness!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week.

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for SEVEN years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Coral Sunset Earrings (INDIA)

These stunning Coral Sunset Earrings are handcrafted in India where they are committed to fighting child marriage and helping women become financially independent as fair-trade Artisans. Featuring a vibrant coral raffia oval shape with a hammered gold-tone metal piece, this look is perfect to make a fair-trade fashion statement this summer.

***Purchase these beautifully handcrafted Coral Sunset Earrings, using the “Shop Here” link below, to provide safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in India.*** 

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me to continue supporting them as well as continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

I Honestly Just Want to be Comfortable

Our culture screams our right to comfort, doesn’t it?

Everything at our fingertips. Stores galore. Choices galore. Advertisements constantly drawing us toward things that will “make our lives better.”

I feel it. I’m drawn to it, like a moth to a flame.

Honestly, it almost seems like it has crept into our churches as well, becoming Christian country clubs where we can come, sit, be entertained, feel good about ourselves, check off the “good Christian” box & go home to the rest of our life.

And if we’re bored or the sermon isn’t captivating, well… why bother… maybe we just need a new church… maybe zoning out is the best bet so that we’re still “technically” going to church. We want to be comfortable at church.

Why Should I Go to Church?

Are we there to be served? Or to serve & praise God?

Are we there to feel good? Or to serve & praise God?

Are we there to get comfortable? Or to serve & praise God?

Why go to church? Why do you go?

And I am preaching to myself here, too, don’t get me wrong about that. These are questions I need to remember to ask myself from time to time when my attitude isn’t quite where it ought to be.

Going to church does not get me any brownie points with God. It doesn’t absolve any bad behaviors or attitudes from my week. It doesn’t earn me anything. God doesn’t need me to go to church. In fact, God doesn’t need ANYTHING from me at all.

But He still calls us to it… to worship Him TOGETHER… to serve TOGETHER… to live as a body with Jesus Christ as the Head. To build up (edify) & lift up (encourage) one another.

What Do You Think It Means to Worship?

Admittedly, in my 41 years of attending church, there are definitely weeks where I am just not feeling like I am getting anything out of the sermon or worship songs even.

So, when that happens… what do I do? What’s the point of it?

I think, to really answer this question well, we must strip it back to the meaning of one singular word—WORSHIP.

What is worship?

Is it getting dressed nicely & sitting in a pew so that you can check that “Christian box”?

Is it singing Christian-y songs in church?

Is it repeating a prayer or a Bible verse?

Is it listening to a sermon?

Um… nope.

Worship is a posture of the heart. Worship is a bowing down of your heart, your ideals, your beliefs, your understanding, your desires… & lifting up Him & the truth of His Word, the Bible.

What Does Worship Look Like

And to be honest, it’s hard to know when someone is being genuine in their worship just by looks alone–that’s why it’s not too great an idea to be looking around for it when you should be focusing on the posture of your own heart.

I once had a woman, who saw 20-something year old me sitting during the time we were asked to stand & sing, ask me to show respect & stand because “we’re singing now & I should not be sitting down.” What had I been doing? Feeling so overwhelmed by something in my life that I just sat down & prayed right there while others sang, calling out to God for rescue in a moment of deep hurting. I was worshipping… but it didn’t look the way some may think I “ought to” worship.

On the flip side, some may sing fervently & passionately, knowing every word, but inside, they’re thinking more about how great their voice sounds rather than truly bowing their heart to Him & lifting Him up in praise. (I have been guilty of that, too, on days when my voice surprises me.)

But true worship isn’t about appearances at all. In fact, even if we are SURE someone is NOT worshipping, as God whispered conviction over my heart years ago: “Whether or not they are truly worshipping should NOT determine whether or not I am truly worshipping.” Ouch, but true.

Worship Is About the Heart

Looking back, especially to my few years at Liberty University getting my degree in Business Marketing, I learned what true worship looked like.

It wasn’t raising my hands or bowing my head or even kneeling at my seat.

But it WAS a willingness to let my pride be washed away so my heart could elevate Him over myself, which often included a lifting of my hands a bowing of my head, & sometimes even a kneeling at my seat. Because it became more about laying aside others’ opinions of me so that I could lift Him up.

There was so much zeal, so much zest, so much LIFE in my life back then.

Some Settings Make It So Easy to Live a Life of Worship

But you know what? Everything in my life back then was always, consistently pointing me back to WORSHIP.

My professors, prayers before classes, weekly convocation, discussions in the dorms, student leadership, Bible Studies, church… everything in my life pointed out to me the “WHY” I ought to live each day—JESUS.

AKA to live a life of Worship.

And because I was surrounded by reminders & testimonials of seeing God always at work around me, it was easy to want to be all in—I could see very clearly that He very much is deserving of my everything.

So, even though surrender is still hard—it still requires a laying down of self & what I want or believe or think, in exchange for His ways… surrender to Him felt always like the better choice—because it always is.

Everything in my life pointed back to Him, back to worship… & as a result, I was encouraged to lay more of my life down to Him.

And as a result of that… joy was a defining feature of my life.

Why Do You Go to Church?

We ought to go to church….

Not because it makes you feel good, but because He is good.

Not because it is always easy, but because it is always worth it.

Not because you feel you ought to, but because He deserves it despite however you feel.

What Happens When the Zest Fades?

It’s been 15 years since I graduated (& that is WITH waiting until I was in my mid-twenties to go back to college).

Not everything in my world points back to Him nowadays. Every discussion around me no longer encourages my focus back to Him. Distractions are everywhere & testimonials are few & far between at times.

And my craving for comfort seems to win far too often.

I mentioned on social media last night how I feel like I have lost my zest for life. I feel more somber, more gray, more tired.

“Peppy & full of life” doesn’t really describe me most days anymore. “Tired” seems more accurate.

“I Will Praise You in This Storm”

My life doesn’t really feel like it’s in a “storm,” but more like a fog has settled over it. More clouds than sunshine maybe.

And I am tempted to pray for that zest to return once more—to feel that alive again when I worship.

But true worship is not defined by how much zeal I feel. It is tested in the murky waters, too, when it doesn’t come so easily. I realize that oftentimes, I am tempted not to be intentional in my worship when I am just not “in it.” As if that were the point of worship.

It’s not.

Worship Is About Him

Worship isn’t about me or how good it feels to praise God. Worship is about Him… His deserving, His worthiness, His holiness, His goodness, His grace, His everything.

And you know what… it’s been a good reminder for me, not feeling so full of zeal & zest… to realize my worship is not about me anyway.

Do I crave the type of worship where my heart was all in, full of joy, full of zest, head low, hands raised, heart lifting Him up in all of His splendor? Oh yes, for sure.

But maybe not yet. Maybe right now, right here is where I need to be… learning to praise Him even when it doesn’t feel so easy, when I’m more tired & He’s still the same.

Go to Church Anyway

It is a humbling reminder of how great He is even when I don’t feel so great.

He never changes. He is still & always will be worthy to be praised.

And that is why I should go to church… Even without my zest. Because I need community. I need edifying. I need fellowship & testimonials. I need reminding.

I need to worship.

On those days where I feel out of it, somber, gray, tired… when the sermon “isn’t hitting” & it falls flat on my heart… when I don’t feel like I am “getting anything out of it,” I can take a moment to remember that none of that is a factor in whether or not my God deserves my worship.

Have a Surrendered Heart Anyway

I can still bow my head through my numbness & be honest with Him:

“God, forgive me for not feeling “into it.” You are worthy regardless of how I may be feeling. Help me to learn more about You through Your Word today. Help me to be an encouragement to others today. Help me to serve You well in the ministries You have encouraged me to help with, ever pointing them to find their lasting hope in You alone. Help me to remember who You are & all that You deserve from me. Help me to serve You faithfully. Help me to live with a surrendered heart, willing to obey… even when it doesn’t create happy zest feeling in my life. You are fully deserving, no matter how I may be feeling in any given season of my life. Thank You for never ever giving up on me, though I deserve it more than I could ever even realize. You are worthy to be praised. Always. AMEN.”

He Is Deserving

“And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24-25)

“Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised….” (Psalm 48:1a)

“You are worthy, O Lord,
To receive glory and honor and power;
For You created all things,
And by Your will they exist and were created.” (Revelation 4:11)

“Make a joyful shout to the Lord, all you lands!
Serve the Lord with gladness;
Come before His presence with singing.
Know that the Lord, He is God;
It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves;
We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

Enter into His gates with thanksgiving,
And into His courts with praise.
Be thankful to Him, and bless His name.
For the Lord is good;
His mercy is everlasting,
And His truth endures to all generations.” (Psalm 100)

Shine HOPE, by determining to praise/worship God & go to church anyway, even when it doesn’t always give you “happy feels”… even when life isn’t comfortable… even when you feel gray… because no matter what, He is worthy to be praised.

Hope Mail (June 2025)

FOR A LIMITED TIME – Only available during the month of June! Enjoy free shipping on your Hope Mail package when you subscribe every month!    

Your purchase of June Hope Mail provides one full day of school for a girl in an area of extreme poverty.        

The stunning Sea Breeze Earrings are beaded in a workshop committed to fighting child marriage and creating dignified jobs for women in India. These drop earrings feature dusty blue and white beads with peach moonstone accent beads to complete the look.   

Each Hope Mail comes packaged in a handmade Sari Pouch, to create a thoughtfully curated look.   

***Purchase this month’s Hope Mail, using the “SHOP HERE” link below, to create safe job opportunities with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in India where vulnerable women are often exploited by sweatshops and human traffickers.***

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for 6.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

June 202

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

God Never Contradicts Himself

There are a lot of verses in the Bible that, upon first inspection, can seem to contradict one another, but aside from a point I highlighted in a previous post, where “In the Bible–Audience Matters,” sometimes we just need to take a moment to consider both sides of the same coin.

For example, the Bible warns against vain repetitions in our prayer, because doing so implies that God doesn’t already know…  but it also instructs us to “continue steadfastly in prayer.”

“And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do. For they think that they will be heard for their many words.” (Matthew 6:7) (emphasis mine)

“… continuing steadfastly in prayer.” (Romans 12:12b)

So, what exactly is the Bible getting at here? Our motivation behind what/how we pray.

Vain Repetitions…

Is there a feeling of pressure? As if there is a desperation calling you to “just repeat the prayer as much as you can so that God will listen & hear you?” That would be the vain repetitions God warns against. He doesn’t need us to tell Him multiple times–He knew before you even asked Him. We also don’t need to feel we need to manipulate or strong arm or convince Him. Although He may not answer the way YOU think is best… He DELIGHTS in helping you. (Psalm 147:11)

Think of your absolute best friend, your best friend of a sibling, your spouse, boyfriend, etc. If they were to have a problem they know you could easily help with & they begged & begged & begged repeatedly, as if they feel you wouldn’t care about helping them otherwise… wouldn’t that be kind of offensive? It would show that they doubt whether you care enough to help them & feel they have to REALLY convince you in order for you to care about them. Ouch.

Think of how God feels. He already even knows your heart & your need. He DELIGHTS in helping you. How do you think it feels when you repeatedly plead with Him as if He doesn’t?

Why Do You Pray?

On the other hand, at least for me, I can have a tendency to pray & then act. Pray & then do. Pray & then figure it out myself. Pray & then disregard my need for Him. Basically, praying out of habit versus waiting on Him at all–just doing it myself, my way, with just a little dash of prayer “for good measure.”

That is also offensive, isn’t it?

If I really believed He DELIGHTS in helping me & that He is MORE THAN capable (Ephesians 3:20-21)… why would I treat Him like prayer is just the backup plan or the little bit extra “just in case” cherry on top? Ouch again.

Continued Reliance

No, the staying at it is not to convince Him enough to help me… it’s not to somehow “activate” His power… it’s not a backup/”just in case” measure… it is THE answer.

It is to live in a constant state of “You, God. YOU are where my help comes from. YOU are the answer. YOU are my source of wisdom. YOU ALONE. Nothing else. I need YOU.”

No matter what you need. No matter the distress. No matter what you can’t figure out. No matter what you can’t do on your own. No matter what brick wall you hit. No matter the temptation. No matter the fear. No matter the lack. No matter the obstacle. No matter the worry. No matter the hurt. No matter the confusion. No matter the lack of direction. No matter the trial. No matter the problem. No matter the question. No matter the whatever else you can think of….

He IS THE answer. Not AN answer. Do you pray like that?

Why Do You Pray? Vain Repetitions VS Continued Reliance

Why do you pray? To get your way? To “convince” God to listen to you? To “convince” God to care? As an extra measure, “just in case”? To “get” God to carry out YOUR plan that YOU figured out that YOU think is best?

Why do you pray?

Or do you pray to bow yourself before an ALMIGHTY GOD Who made heaven & earth… & YOU? … to trust He alone is your true source of hope & help & wisdom & strength & power to do what you cannot?

That’s why we KEEP praying, because whenever we doubt, it is a determining to CONTINUE again & again to remind ourselves to always GO BACK to the ONLY One we KNOW we can turn to as our help & our hope in EVERY circumstance—to GOD ALONE.

Why do you pray?

Shine HOPE by putting your continued hope in HIM AS your answer–Him alone…. in continued reliance upon Him.

(*Read these previous posts about prayer & its purpose: 1.)“Intentionality–Making Prayer a Priority,” 2.)“Pray Continually–What Does Prayer Actually Accomplish?”, 3.)“Why Pray When God Already Knows?”*)

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for 6.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Enda Necklace (INDIA)

When you shop the beautiful Enda Necklace, you are creating safe jobs with fair wages in areas of extreme poverty where vulnerable women are often exploited by sweatshops.  Enda is an Irish name, meaning “like a bird” and it is a sign of endurance or a reminder of one’s ability to rise to new heights. The Enda Necklace is beautifully beaded with turquoise-colored glass beads, featuring dangling pearl charms throughout. Wear alone or style with other necklaces for a layered look!

***Purchase this beautifully handcrafted Enda Necklace, by clicking the “Shop Here” link below, & help empower women in INDIA out of poverty!***

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

Anyone Else Need a Nap?

How are you doing today? Like, how are you really doing?

Honestly, I am tired. And not just an “I need more sleep” kind of tired, (although a nap does sound increasingly tempting as the day goes on)… just all around TIRED. I just don’t feel like I have much to offer anybody today.

My body feels worn down (admittedly becoming more & more common with each passing year, as I inch along through my 40s), my mind feels tired (just a lot going on), & I just feel a little beat up today, to be honest.

I’m not discouraged or disheartened, gratefully, but just feeling so incredibly worn out.

Watching Someone Else Hurting Is Hard

Part of it has been just the fact of watching my sweet kitty cat suffering these past couple days has been hard. If you have had a pet a while, you probably understand. They can’t tell you what’s wrong, but you see the desperate begging in their eyes for help & you feel helpless because you can’t exactly ASK them what is hurting them.

And I know some of you witness suffering & hurt from family members & friends & I can’t imagine how trying that is on the day-to-day, especially when it’s ongoing.

Last night, I came home to a puddle of blood on the floor after we had been seeing a few vomit spots throughout the house over the last 2 days (that’s probably where part of my tired is coming from in just constantly feeling like I am finding & then needing to clean up vomit around the house when I really hadn’t factored the time to do that into my schedule for the day).

It is hard to watch someone suffer. Especially when you can’t do anything to stop it. It takes a toll on you, doesn’t it?

(*He may be improving today, but it’s hard to tell at this point. I sought medical advice & was told to give it one more day because today he seemed to show slight improvement. Prayers appreciated for wisdom + his healing/comfort.*)

Even When I’m Tired

I don’t feel like I have much to give today, but I know that God is enough… even when I’m tired.

Lord, thank You for this reminder to seek You in all things, even things that seem small. To not rely on my own understanding. You know & You don’t ever have to guess. I need to be “praying without ceasing” & coming to You through every bit of life. I often mistake nudges from You as You trying to guilt me out of something I want, when You have no reason to do that. You know what is best & in Your goodness, You want to guide my every step if I but let You. Thank You for Your endless patience with me. Thank You for Your wisdom when we seek it. Thank You for being sovereign, even when I’m tired. Thank You for caring for us so well. Help me to better rely on & trust in You in all things big or small. Help my kitty get better & help me know how to help him. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Shine HOPE by trusting God in your weakness, on your off days, when you think you have it all together, & when you know you definitely don’t.

He is with you… even when you’re tired.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for 6.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Ginkgo Earrings-Silver (INDIA)

When you shop the Ginkgo Earrings, you are creating safe jobs for women in areas of extreme poverty in India. These stunning, sculpted earrings are the perfect fair-trade fashion statement! Each silver-tone Ginkgo Earring features two connected ginkgo-shapes to create the beautiful dangle earring! These earrings are also available in a gold-tone finish.

***Purchase these beautifully handcrafted Ginkgo Earrings, using the “Shop Here” link below to empower women in India out of poverty!***

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

No Really, I Am

Well, this is a fun topic to talk about, isn’t it?

It’s true that I run this blog/website, volunteer at church, etc. but at my very core, I really am a self-seeking brat.

How can the two realities coexist? Because I understand that what I feel like on any given day should not usually determine my actions.

I like ease, comfort, status quo.

I thrive on my routines & measuring my time so that I don’t ever get overwhelmed or overstimulated.

I like & prefer living for ME, in all honesty.

But God did not create me to live for myself, as much as I often crave to do so.

I have to be willing to SURRENDER—there’s that word again—all my selfish, self-seeking desires & wants, to be willing to lay those down in order to bring God glory & to serve & love others as He calls me to do.

I’m a Self-Seeking Brat

Some days it comes easier than others. Other days, I am a lot more whiney about it. Sort of an inner stomping of my feet with crossed arms. “I WANT to go back to sleep, NOT wake up early to help out with that.” “I WANT to go straight home after work to relax, NOT go back out to serve when I’m already tired.” “I WANT to save face, NOT share all of my inadequacies & shortcomings & failures with all the internet to judge me.” “I WANT to binge tv, NOT spend hours editing.” “I WANT to eat whatever I want, NOT steward the body God knit together.” I want, I want, I want.

I’m a selfish person at heart. I’m a self-seeking brat. Sometimes I wake up feeling so groggy & so wishing I could have gotten a couple hours more of sleep & I just want to scrap it all for the comfort of slipping back into bed, pulling up the covers, & relaxing back into sleep (that sounds REALLY good to me right about now, actually). NOT making choices that honor God over self.

But, God.

When I Want __________________… I Need to Trust Him to be More Than Sufficient

I want to serve Him. I want others to know Him. I have to trust Him to be what I need when I crave serving my desires my way.

When I want rest, I want to trust He can provide & be that rest FOR me.

When I want comfort, I want to trust He can provide & BE my comfort.

I don’t want to live for what I want so badly. I want to learn to trust that He is BETTER.

I don’t want to be trapped by my bad attitude. I want to point the world to Him.

I don’t want to be limited by my own limitations. I want to trust He can provide where I lack.

He is worth showing up for, even when I am just not in the mood… even when my fleshly selfishness seems to be winning. He’s worth laying down my life for Him to be known.

A Prayer from a Bratty Me to the Forgiving, Faithful God

“God, forgive me for my self-seeking, bratty heart. Forgive me for being so drawn to satisfy myself over You. Forgive me for my longing to look out for myself first. Please help me to continue to shift my perspective, to continue to lay myself down. Please help me always to remember that You are MORE THAN worth it every single time, & that You are MORE THAN capable to fill in the gaps for me, even on the days when I really am just a self-seeking brat. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

*Self-Check*

Where are you denying God your all because it’s just too much? Too hard? Too much time? Too exhausting?

What do you lean into in place of God? What do you desire most?

What do you need to lay down? To ask His forgiveness? To ask for His help supplementing where you lack… even if that lack is a lack of a right attitude?

What do you need to entrust to Him so the world around you may see & recognize that in all of your lack & wrong attitude & potential bratty-ness… that He is WORTH showing up for no matter WHAT?

What is it for you?

Shine HOPE by determining to lay yourself down in order to lift Him up on display in your life… even on the days where you feel like me… a self-seeking brat.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for 6.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Ardent Necklace-Golden (INDIA)

Create safe jobs with fair wages in areas of extreme poverty in India when you purchase the Ardent Necklace! The design of the Ardent Necklace makes it uniquely customizable, featuring its twisted cord, elegant metal finishing and an adjustable golden bead for easy wearing. This necklace is easy to pull over your head and adjust to your perfect length. The gold-tone pendant is an organically shaped pendant with a freshwater pearl.

***Purchase this beautifully handcrafted necklace, using the “Shop Here” link below to help empower women in India out of extreme poverty!***

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

The Most Important Type of Surrender

Well, this is a big question, isn’t it?

I talk about surrender a lot, mainly because it is something I have seen as a necessary vein that runs through every part of our lives. But, it’s also very uncomfortable sometimes to think about, isn’t it? That’s what makes it surrender.

Surrendering to God starts with a surrendering of our sin & a surrendering of trying to live our way & a surrendering of thinking we can pay our own way to heaven, accepting that our sin is too great, our trying to live our way dishonors God & really is to our detriment, & that we could never even hope to come close to paying our own way to heaven.

That’s the first & greatest surrender of our lives. It’s a decision I made at just 5 years old & even these 36 years later, was notably the best decision I have ever made.

Be willing to pray: “God, I am a sinner. I have wronged You in so many ways. I cannot save myself. Please forgive me of my sin & please, Jesus, cover my sin. I no longer want to live my way, but Yours. Thank You, Jesus, for dying on the cross to cover what I could never pay. Please be LORD in my life from now on. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

(***Read more on this topic: “Have You Met Jesus?” & “Am I Going to Hell?” & “Before Life Began, God Had a Plan for Grace”***)

A Life Defined by Surrender… & That’s a Good Thing

But the surrender doesn’t end there. Yes, surrendering your life & sin in exchange for forgiveness because of Jesus is the only surrender that gains us God’s grace & forgiveness, & an eternity in heaven, but there is still so much more surrender awaiting us as we strive to live our lives pleasing & honoring to God—which ought to be our overarching, ultimate goal in life.

A life of surrender means taking our wants, our beliefs, the “even ifs,” & all of our self-effort to His throne & laying it down for His will, His way, His plan, & His help.

Surrender to God also looks like doing His way over your way. It is a trusting He knows more than you do, sees more than you can, & can fit the pieces of life together better than you could ever even attempt to do.

I Want What I Want…

We want a lot of things in life, don’t we? Whether it’s hoping to be liked & accepted by peers. Whether it’s getting your dream job. Whether it’s getting married… having kids… having a dream house. The list can literally go on forever.

But the things we want aren’t just the big things, right? They’re the little day-to-day things. Like having things go the way we feel is best, like getting a break when we want it, like being recognized for a job well done, like feeling appreciated.

But live just a little while & you will already see that we don’t always get what we want, do we? It can be easy to feel disappointed or discouraged or invisible even at different seasons of our lives.

God wants to hear about it. God wants you to tell Him all about it. God cares for you. But God also doesn’t want it to control you. He wants you to trust that He can be enough for you in its place… even if you don’t get what you so badly want.

Surrendering Our WANTS to God

So, what does surrender look like then? It looks like taking your requests to God, but trusting that if He chooses not to allow what you hope for, that you will choose to trust Him more than you trust that desire you have for whatever it is.

It’s a laying down of that thing you want, whether it’s wanting a comforting word when you got a harsh one instead… wanting a break, but getting an interruption or another task… wanting a spouse, but getting singleness… wanting recognition, but getting ignored… wanting a child, but ending up childless… wanting a good day, but getting a hard one.

Trust God’s perfect timing. Trust God’s perfect plan. Trust God’s perfect foresight. Trust God’s perfect wisdom. Trust God’s care for you in all things. Trust God’s perfect sufficiency in all things… even when you don’t get what you want.

Be willing to say to Him: “God, I want ________________ soooo badly it hurts. I feel like it’s right for me to want it. I feel I need it. I feel like I can’t be happy & live without it. But, God. I know You are sufficient in all things, even when I struggle to feel it. Help me trust Your plan, Your will, Your sufficiency. Help me not to make _____________ into my idol. Help me trust You more than my feeling I need ______________. Help me to trust YOU. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

(***There are some “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides made available if you are struggling to even WANT to pray with a heart of surrendering it to God. You can check those out on the “Resources & Recommendations” tab on my website: “Prayers of Surrender.” Currently available topics include: Childlessness, Singleness, Financial Struggles, & Depression/Anxiety.***)

What You Believe Vs. What God Says

The next common area of surrender is in what you believe to be true put up against what God says is true.

Maybe it’s identity, sexual preference, gender confusion, believing something feels too good & innocent to be sin while God says it is.

Whatever it is that you believe so intensely in your heart of hearts, that you feel you would defend to your grave… consider Who made you.

Consider Who made this world.

Consider which of you has perfect & complete knowledge, understanding, & wisdom… & which of you only sees in part.

Consider which of you has ultimate & almighty, limitless power & authority over this world.

I’ll give you a hint: It’s not me… & it’s not you either.

If We Disagree with God… We’re the Wrong Ones

A big part of surrender is taking all of your ideals, understandings, & beliefs… all of the world’s philosophies… all of culture’s whims & whimsies… all of everything… & laying that down at the King of king’s feet, recognizing that He is God… & we are not.

To say, “God, I don’t get this. THIS feels SO REAL & TRUE to me. And soooo many people AGREE WITH ME. So how can it be “wrong”? I don’t get it. I don’t like it…. But… YOU made this world… I didn’t. Help me to trust that if You made this world, then You alone know & get to determine how it was made to be… not me… & not anyone else You made either. Help me learn to trust YOUR way over what I feel so strongly about. You are God & I am not. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

Surrender can be so hard sometimes, can’t it?

The “Even If” Type of Surrender… When the Storm Clouds Seem to Linger Too Long

The next piece I want to talk about, with regards to SURRENDER, is one I probably talk about the most, especially with my lifelong wrestling through different seasons of depression: it’s the “EVEN IF the hard doesn’t stop” surrender….

I talk about this one A LOT, mainly because I feel like it’s the one I struggle with most noticeably. Yes, I am sure, though more in subtle ways that are more difficult to recognize, I struggle just as much with surrendering my wants & beliefs… but this one I actually FIGHT against sometimes.

My main idol is ease, easy, & comfort. Anyone else? I do not like to struggle.

I Don’t Like It… I Don’t Want It… But God, Help Me Trust You Anyway

Lack of sleep? Sickness? Allergies? Asthma? Depression? Heartache? Struggles with others? Super typhoon? Tragedy? Physical pain? Isolation? Trials? Tribulation? Witnessing a loved one in pain? Injury? Loss? Financial struggles? Hurt from a friend? Hardships at work? Arguments at home?

Nope, nope, nope, & an extra big helping of NOPE from me.

But unfortunately, I do not get to control whether or not hardship or struggle waltzes into my (at times) calm, peaceful life.

So, when God allows it to continue, even after MUCH prayer on my part… I have the tendency to feel like God must not care that I am suffering. But the TRUTH is, He wants me to recognize that His sufficiency is not at all dependent upon everything in my life working out just so. He is quite all I need come what may.

Surrender with the “even ifs” when in pain hurts the most for me.

Hindsight Is Our Best Friend Sometimes

I can come to the understanding that what I want can be an idol & that God knows better. Like with children. I hold no grudge against God for my lack of children. He has shown me He has a different plan for me than that. I have accepted it. I love it actually, because I get to pour into other peoples’ lives more regularly because of it—which is what I absolutely love to do. (Previous post: “To the Barren Woman.”)

And beliefs? I can accept that despite strongly believing it… well, I am not God.

Like when I struggled as a huge flirt when I was younger, thinking that was the only way I could make friends being the chubster I felt I was. Believing SO STRONGLY that it was “just who I was.” But when I finally realized GOD made me, so GOD ALONE got to determine HOW He made me, I turned that over to Him in surrender & asked for His way over my way. And He did. Thank GOD for that freedom.

(Previous post: “…Trusting God, Losing Friends, & Finding Myself”; “…God Made Me, I Didn’t”.)

“Just Take the Pain Away…”

But hurts not quitting? Pain extending? Troubles abounding & flourishing? Waters & waves crashing around me figuratively? People refusing reconciliation? Isolation worsening versus improving? Seeing someone I love continue to suffer?

No, no NO. Just take the pain away.

I don’t want it. I want it GONE ASAP. I don’t want to surrender. I want it to stop.

But, again, that is the very reason it is called “SURRENDER,” isn’t it? A laying down of demanding you get it your way & trusting God above anything & all else.

To say, “God, Your ways are above my ways. Your wisdom is above my wisdom. Everything You do & everything You allow is ALWAYS, 100% for my good AND Your glory… never one without the other. You NEVER waste my pain & struggles. Not once. Help remind me. I believe, LORD, help my unbelief. Help me keeps my head above the waves. Be my strength when I have none. Be my sufficiency when I can’t even hold myself up. Help me remember You are enough… that You love me… that Your plan is perfect… EVEN IF. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

LIVING As If I Need Him… Because I DO

And then there’s one area of surrender I think we all often are too quick to forget… the need to surrender to His help.

Self-effort seems like the most Christian, God-honoring thing we can do, but it is laced with the lie that God needs our help.

That to please Him, we must try harder, be better, work more. But He doesn’t need our help.

When God asks of us, He asks of us knowing He is the Vine… aka He is the supply. He enables. He strengthens. He gifts us with what we need. He provides. He leads. He knows what to do & how to best do it.

He doesn’t need your help.

Whether it’s following His call or whether it’s in the day-to-day obedience of living the ways He says we ought—having His Word ever on our lips, meditating on His truth, serving & loving others (even our enemies), speaking truth in love. It doesn’t matter what it is. He can help you live it if you are willing to surrender to His help.

It Takes Abiding. He Is the Vine, We Are the Branches… Apart from Him, We Can Do Nothing

It takes an ABIDING in Him. If we are submitting to Him, talking with Him, taking concerns to Him, seeking His wisdom, getting to know His Word, & trusting Him evermore every day… that is abiding in Him, & as we abide in Him, He supplies what He calls us to as we rely fully on Him in the work.

It doesn’t mean a not doing. It means letting Him do the leading, the equipping, & the empowering. HE does the work to help you as you live for Him, as you abide in Him.

It’s like living through life with Superman as your best friend & striving & straining what Superman could do with just his pinky finger. And God is so much more powerful than he! We need to live like that’s true!

God’s All-Sufficient Role in Our Growth Can Make Us Feel Ashamed… But Jesus Paid for That, Too

I have gotten annoyed/uncomfortable responses to this discussion, & I get it because I have felt it. It takes ALL excuses out of the equation when we begin recognizing God is the answer & sufficiency in ALL of our lack that has kept us from daily &/or big obediences… & it can make us feel like we failed God in our shortcomings by not going to Him through ALL of them.

But God gives grace upon grace. Jesus already paid for your past, present, & future. There is now no condemnation because of Jesus. There is no shaming because Jesus takes our shame. There is only failing forward now. Because you will still get it wrong sometimes. I have 36 years of proof of that.

But, are you willing to stop avoiding, stop neglecting, stop excusing inactivity to surrender to His help? Or is it more comfortable to have an excuse to fall back on when you mess it up?

To say: “Lord, I am awful at obeying with ________________, because I feel like I’m lacking in ______________, but if it’s something that honors & pleases You, I can be fully assured that You WILL help me if I am willing to ask of You. So please help me to be willing to ask You & to trust You can help me if I am willing. I don’t want to give up or settle based on my own shortcomings. I want to trust that You’ve got what I don’t… that You can do what I can’t… That You know & see & understand it all where I don’t. Forgive me for any area of lacking obedience that I have excused because it felt too hard for me, forgetting nothing is too hard for You. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

(Previous post: “Self-Empowerment or Self-Surrender?”; “How to Do the Things We Know We Should Do but Just Can’t”; “…God Can Help Us Obey Him”)

5 Areas of Surrender-What Does Surrender to God Look Like?

So, of these 5 areas of surrender, which area are you struggling to surrender in your own life?

What does surrender to God look like? Do you need to surrender: Something you want? Something you believe? An “even if”? Avoiding something or doing something yourself, forgetting He can supply? Or maybe the best surrender imaginable: turning your sin over to Him for forgiveness through Jesus Christ?

Trust He really is enough. Trust He really can sustain you. Trust His care for you is really real. Trust Him even in the even if. Trust He can help you where you lack. Trust Jesus.

Shine HOPE by choosing to surrender. By living a life of surrender, in every way imaginable. Because He’s worth it. Every single time. He’s worth it.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for 6.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Defender Necklace (INDIA)

For every Defender Necklace purchased, a baby bottle of formula is donated for an orphaned elephant in Kenya! Wear this necklace knowing your purchase made a difference! Each Defender Necklace has a silver-tone chain and a gold-tone charm with the image of an elephant on it.

***Purchase this necklace, using the “Shop Here” link below to help create safe jobs for women ending poverty cycles in India and vital care for a baby elephant.***

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

Anyone Else Wrestle with Regular Plaguing Doubts?

“Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24)

From an early age, I struggled with doubts. I grew up trusting in Jesus, but the obviousness of it didn’t seem to click with so many people I respected & cared for, so it didn’t make sense to me why that was.

Honestly, I think another part of the doubting was the good ‘ol sin nature we are all born with. My inclination was to self-seek, & with a “take up your cross & follow Me” mandate in the Bible… well, the two don’t exactly mesh well.

As I was reminded in my devotional time this morning, working through one of my longtime favorite studies—“Lies Women Believe, & the Truth That Sets Them Free,” by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, Romans 7 tells us Paul had the exact same type of struggle: spirit vs flesh, wanting to obey God, but tempted toward wrong.

(***You can find the link to the “Lies Women Believe” book/study on my Resources & Recommendations page, under “Bible Studies,” located: here.***)

But, regardless of its source, the doubts were strong in me. I wanted proof, evidence, if you will, about what was true.

Muddied by the World’s Worldly Perspective

I really do think that not all of my doubts were born out of a desire to prove them wrong so I could live the way I wanted without guilt… Some were genuinely just confusion born out of the overt confidence of the alternative from people I loved & respected. I was being influenced.

“For thus says the Lord,
Who created the heavens,
Who is God,
Who formed the earth and made it,
Who has established it,
Who did not create it in vain,
Who formed it to be inhabited:
“I am the Lord, and there is no other.” (Isaiah 45:18)

And, seeing as how only one side could actually BE correct: Only One TRUE God (Isaiah 45:18; John 14:6) vs “many ways to heaven,” & seeing as how both sides were believed by & preached by humans… coupled with the fun little phrase of “to err is human,” well, I wasn’t quite sure how to prove one over the other… even to myself.

I mean, deep down, I knew I was set free from my sin because of Jesus, but then I let the satan lure me into doubting God just as satan did with Eve in the Garden of Eden. (Genesis 3:1-6)

“I am afraid, however, that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds may be led astray from your simple and pure devotion to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 11:3)

The Dizzying Loop of Doubting

And most all of my life, as soon as I read something in the Bible that made ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE with how I understood the world, or it went COMPLETELY against what I “knew” to be true about life… well, that threw me for a dizzying loop every single time. It was EXHAUSTING.

I used to pray SO OFTEN that God would clear me of & free me from my plaguing doubts, the poison that kept finding its way back into my heart, muddling the simple faith I had over & over again.

***Well, spoiler alert: He DID answer that prayer & in a MAJOR way. You can read all about that in my previous blog posts: “…Trusting Like a Child… Until the Doubts Began,“ “…The Dungeon of Depression-A Journey to Truth,” as well as my most recent retelling: “…The Doubts I Let Take Over,” & “…Losing My Battle with Depression.” ***

One of My Favorite Verses-“Lord, I Believe… Help My Unbelief”

But honestly, in the frailty of my faith, one little verse was like a beacon of hope to me. It was one I repeated more often than I can count. One that kept comforting the whirlwind of confusion & doubts in my heart: “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.” (Mark 9:24)

WOW. What a powerful prayer!

To me, this summed up the entirety of my inner struggle!

Deep down, I KNEW that God was it & that Jesus saved me as I had so easily accepted at 5 years old. I GREW UP knowing that in my heart.

But the hurts & cares of the world, the differing beliefs from others, & satan’s craftiness was working to tear the ground out from under me at every turn.

And so, I kept coming back to this prayer: “Lord, I BELIEVE. Help my unbelief!”

I Knew & Yet I Doubted

I KNEW & yet I DOUBTED. I didn’t know how to reconcile those two things. But I knew God was the One to help me get it sorted. & boy, did He ever.

“You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:13)

He wants to be found. He wants to be known. He wants you to be SURE, STEADY, & CONFIDENT in HIM.

I love a little chart I see pop up from time to time. On one side, it lists things that satan does: rushes you, confuses you, shames you, lies to you, hurts you, worries you….

And on the other side of the chart, it contrasts all those things with how God interacts with us: He calms us, He steadies us, He forgives us, He convicts our hearts to come back to Him vs away from Him, He tells us the truth, He settles us, He heals us, He gives His peace to us, He protects us, He leads us.

If you have already accepted Jesus’ sacrifice as covering for your sin, God doesn’t even need to guilt you, because He knows your wrongs are already covered by the blood of Jesus—THANK GOD! But He beckons us always to come back to Him when we have done wrong, to seek His help to lead us better than we lead ourselves.

God’s Way Is Always Perfection… Even When We Don’t Get It

Do you have little nagging doubts? Or big ones maybe?

Do you maybe read something in the Bible that just rubs you the wrong way & you don’t know how to reconcile that?

I still remember reading all the passed judgments (aka VIOLENCE) from God in the Old Testament, even against sins we consider as so small—like COMPLAINING, & thinking, “God, from a PR standpoint, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING INCLUDING THIS IN THE BIBLE!?!? It makes you look cruel & violent & short-tempered! Couldn’t You have left that out? You look so CRUEL. I don’t understand.”

But then, when I continued praying over the unrest that I felt reading about this cruelty over even “little sins,” I felt God whisper an answer over my heart that I both didn’t expect & that convicted my heart in how easily I justify my “little” sins, “I needed to show how wicked sin really is, the severity of it, & why Jesus needed to die for it.”

It’s not that God is this tyrannical God. It’s that we all too often WAY underestimate the wretchedness of our own sin! PRAISE GOD FOR JESUS’ LOVING SACRIFICE!

“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1)

God Sees You, God Is Near You, & God Cares for You

Do you feel He has forgotten you or is up in heaven laughing, or for whatever reason, worry you maybe can’t trust Him?

I began to believe this one as well. I thought maybe He was real, but not present. I doubted His presence & care for me personally in my life.

But God cleared this one up for me real good, as seen in the extra blog posts I tagged for you previously.

If we seek Him with all of our heart, we WILL find Him. (Deuteronomy 4:29)

That’s why variations of this little quote God put on my heart has been ringing beautifully in my heart for years now, as a reminder, “Everything God does, everything God commands, everything God allows, is ALWAYS, 100% for BOTH His glory AND my good. ALWAYS, even when I can’t yet see it, even when things stay hard, even when I don’t understand. ALWAYS.”

Don’t Let Satan Fool or Lure You Away from the ONLY Place You Will Find Lasting, REAL Hope

But maybe you’re not there yet. Maybe you can’t see it yet. Maybe the cares/hurts of this world, the “problematic” Bible verse, the opinions of others you love & respect, the lies of satan, or even your own sinful nature/drive have driven doubts about God into your heart & you just don’t know how to ever get rid of them.

Ask… it will be given. Seek… you will find. Knock… the door will be opened to you. (Luke 11:9-13; Matthew 7:7-11)

“But from there you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul.” (Deuteronomy 4:29)

“The thief [Satan] does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I [Jesus] have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. “I am the good Shepherd. The good Shepherd gives His life for the sheep.” (John 10:10-11)

The Beautiful Wrecking Ball

God may wreck your world, as He did mine. But it will be the most beautiful wrecking you could never imagine, like renovating a building by first taking a wrecking ball into it. Painful, messy, not the slightest bit enjoyable… but when it’s done, & the dust settles, & the renovation is complete… chills will cover you, awe will fill your heart, & humble, repentant PEACE will fill your every inch.

He knows what He’s doing. He knows what needs to be done, & He loves you enough to do it… like how resetting a bone may hurt, but is necessary & much better than leaving you as is.

But sometimes it starts just with a meager, uncertain, simple, whispered prayer: “LORD, I believe. Help my unbelief.”

If you’re living the whirlwind torment of doubts plaguing your life… maybe you are holding onto faith by a thread or maybe you have already walked away. God will show you the way back… if you’re willing to trust Him for the way, the truth, & the life… through Jesus Christ alone.

Shine HOPE by taking every doubt to the God Who already knows them anyway, being honest with Him about them, & by asking for His peace to know how to trust Him still, even in the doubts brought on by satan’s lies, our sinful flesh, opinions of others we care for & respect, & the hurts/cares of this world… by saying with me in those moments, “LORD, I believe. Help my unbelief.”

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for 6.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Ardent Earrings-Golden (INDIA)

Create dignified jobs for women leaving the slums of India when you shop these elegant Ardent Earrings. Featuring a gold-tone ellipse oval shape with a freshwater pearl dangling, these lightweight earrings are classic and timeless. Perfect for everyday wear, the Ardent Earrings create lasting change for families in India.

***Purchase the beautiful golden Ardent Earrings, using the “Shop Here” link below, to help empower women in INDIA out of poverty!***

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!