Depressed? Depression? What’s the Difference?

I see these two getting mixed up quite a lot, whether it’s in psychology circles or just discussions about it. Even in a recent Bible study book I was reading seemed to equate the two versus understanding their differences. I understand the intent, but it’s important to understand the distinction, so let’s get into it.

To start us off, I highly recommend you first read my previous post about “Understanding Depression with Discernment,” where I break this down in even more detail & offer some useful insight God has given me in my many years of struggling with depression while being a Christian & seeking God for wisdom & answers through those very difficult many years

The 5 Distinguishable Parts of Depression

The blog post I mentioned above helps distinguish between 5 parts of struggling with depression:

1. The Cause (chemical imbalance, etc.)
2. The Symptoms (numb, checked out, bleh, etc.)
3. The Consequences of Symptoms (easy jobs seem harder, you feel weaker/less capable, others may judge you, etc.)
4. How Satan Exploits Our Weakness (suicidal thoughts, questioning our value/worth, feeling beat down & worthless & a burden to family/friends)
5. Our Choice (Trust Satan’s VERY convincing LIES, or CLING TO TRUTH through prayer & God’s Word)

Read the post if you struggle–it was a life-changing & quite freeing realization for me. I hope it is the same for you.

One Doesn’t Automatically Include the Other

But, today, I want to hone in more on the huge difference between feeling DEPRESSED & having DEPRESSION.

The 2 don’t even have to coexist. You can possibly not have depression but be going through something REALLY hard that doesn’t let up & definitely feel very DEPRESSED. But you can also feel pretty okay & have DEPRESSION.

So, let’s talk about it. Because the more we talk about it, the more we can learn to remove the chains of “I have ______________, therefore, I AM _____________,” & learn some freedom through the clouds.

Depression

First, there’s depression. Having depression is something out of your control in some respects, although you CAN learn to help your brain out a bit. It’s not an attitude or bitterness or anything like that. There have been seasons where I felt I could not stop crying, but when I would try to seek out WHY, I found no logical reason. I was just SAD for no reason. It can be maddening. Like a weightiness pressing on me without a cause.

Now, I say that it’s out of your control “in some respects,” because there are things you can do to help your brain out.

Honoring God means stewarding well His blessings & gifts, including our bodies.

How Can We Help Our Brains?

We need to make sure to nourish & fuel it. You wouldn’t put syrup in your car’s gas tank & expect it to run well much longer & our bodies are much like that, but much more forgiving (at least temporarily). Make sure you are checking the nutritious value of your food intake, so your brain has the nourishment it needs to function well.

Drink plenty of water to help flush your body of toxins & keep yourself hydrated.

Make sure you’re getting regular/sound sleep.

Moving your body, even on several walks a week help keep everything in your body running more smoothly.

In some cases, even with stewarding your body well, your brain chemistry is just still out of whack, & so medication may be recommended in some cases. But make sure to try to give your body what it needs before supplementing with meds. All meds have side effects, but treating your body the way it longs to be treated only has good outcomes. Try that first.

THE Ultimate Depression Tip

But, aside from doing your part to keep your body functioning well, helping it out by treating it right, when those symptoms hit, there is an ultimate necessity that will be a make or break for you: PRAYER.

Now, if you rolled your eyes just now… I get it. REALLY get it. But that is because it is so easy to misunderstand prayer. It’s not about special words that do you any good… it’s about considering the WHO you’re talking to that makes a difference. HE can do what you just cannot.

Quick Detour: How Pain CAN Actually HELP Us

I think it’s too easy to skip this part, to think you just need to patch it, fix it, get the uncomfortable OUT. But you know what, in all my years of struggling with this & asking God WHY… “WHY are you letting me suffer?????” His answer both humbled & encouraged me more than I could have ever expected:

It was something like this realization: “You look around & you can see people, even Christians, basically ignoring Me in their day-to-day. They maybe pray before a meal, go to church, some just the “bare minimum.” They don’t think they need Me. But not you… you have never had the “luxury” of believing you could do this life on your own. You have been in a perpetual state of NEED most of your life. And because of it, you have seen Me come through for you & be faithful to you & do for you what others can’t see because they trust themselves over Me. Your faith has grown because you have needed Me so consistently & I have been your enough through every bit of it.”

The need, the lacking, the discomfort, the vulnerability… it is all HARD. But don’t try to run away from hard. Don’t just pop a pill & move on. Use it as your very ever-present reminder of your very real need of HIM as your EVERYTHING & not just when you think you need something.

No Fanfare, But All Power

So, back to the ultimate recommendation: PRAY. Turn to Him. Ask Him to help you where you can’t help yourself. To BE your strength to face your day.

I wake up numb some days. Like everything is through a hazy gray, black & white. Tired. Out of it. Don’t care. Just bleh.

Natural me? Can I fake a cough, put pjs back on, curl under the covers, & skip life today please? (I don’t EVER do this, but the temptation is VERY strong some days, let me tell you.)

But I have learned, that although saying some words to God in my head can sometimes feel like the equivalent of a child thinking they can fly to the moon using a cardboard box because they REALLY want it… basically unrealistic & not enough… it IS enough… because God doesn’t have to SHOW UP with fanfare & blaring trumpets & bright light & filling your room with robes, etc., with sparkling flow coming from His hands as He forms whatever it is you need in that moment or HEAL you in every way possible right there… to show His power to you. No.

His power is quiet. Unassuming. No fanfare whatsoever.

And yet… it works.

I pray. He hears. He helps.

He Helps

My wasted, worthless days, where I am just running at 0% wondering how I am going to even manage to go to work that day, let alone all the chores & responsibilities I have waiting. He helps. He supplies. Every single time.

I pray & I ask God to help be my supply. I ask Him to be my strength when I feel I have none. I ask for encouragement & wisdom, peace & strength. I ask for my next step. I ask for HELP. And He supplies.

Do I do this every day? No. Honestly, some days I give up & get tired of needing to ask for help. I want to be selfish & not need it. I want to be self-sufficient & I get tired of constant NEED. I’m sorry to God for that. For wanting to be my own God. He is SO patient & gentle & faithful with me & I truly don’t deserve it.

The Important Distinction Between Feeling Depressed & Having Depression

Now for the feeling depressed part. It’s actually not synonymous with having depression. You can actually have depression & not spiral into feeling depressed, although you are definitely a lot more susceptible & vulnerable to it…. (*Go back up & read that original recommended post at the start if you want a little more FREEdom on this.)

But, as I admitted, I struggle wanting to surrender my weakness every day. I get worn. I get selfish. I want to be okay without help. I want to not feel so weak anymore.

And yes, deep down, if I am willing to admit how selfish that sounds & then submit that to God for a change of attitude, I can see every time that the weakness is worth seeing how capable God is.

Satan Likes to Beat Us While We’re Down

But there is always that war with the flesh. Always needing to make it die to self, to submit. And that is hard every day. It’s not easy to surrender. And sometimes I have to ask God to even help me to WANT change of attitude. If you know, you know.

Feeling depressed is of the enemy. Satan wants us to give up. He wants us to believe his lies. He wants us to sink into despair. He wants us to demand to be able to count on ourselves vs constantly needing God. He wants us doubting God. Satan wants us in chains, bondage, fear, anxiety, pain, hatred, bitterness. That’s where he wants us.

And when you have depression… it’s true… you’re weaker to it. It feels so easy to believe it. You’re vulnerable, needy even. Others oftentimes don’t get it. Eye rolls are caught in the corner of your eye. Compassion is often lacking. You get misunderstood. You feel like a burden.

Depressed Without Depression

It’s not always bitterness, bad attitude, etc. Sometimes life is just HARD.

Even if you don’t have depression, sometimes life hits you SO HARD out of nowhere. Happy, fun, laughter memories & then BAM sideswiped & your loved one is gone. Or infidelity, cancer, loss of a child, infertility, betrayal, abuse… life on this earth is very very hard sometimes, isn’t it? Sin wreaks havoc wherever it goes.

And it’s hard. So hard. So hard not to just feel the pain wash over you & knock you off your feet, swirling & tossing & trying to come up for air, choking on the hurt in your heart like a lump in your throat.

Sometimes it is sin. Your own sin? Guilt, shame, getting yourself in a mess. Sometimes it’s sin in the form of unresolved bitterness, refusal to forgive, refusal of God’s help, refusal to trust God’s plan or promises.

You don’t have to have depression to be depressed. Life is hard sometimes.

But… God.

God IS ALWAYS Enough

That power I mentioned? The no-fanfare power? The one that seems like “how could it ever?” & yet, does? It’s still there in that, too. God meets us where we are. He doesn’t ask us to pretty up pain before we come to Him IN it.

He can handle it. He can take it.

Sometimes, I have hard days. My depression gets the better of me. I’m not suicidal, but often have days where I find myself asking God if I could have a heart attack maybe so I could just go to heaven so I don’t ever have to feel hurt again. I know that makes some of you uncomfortable to read, but it’s the truth. And the worst part is, I know I have nothing in my life to warrant that. Nothing worthy of wanting to leave for heaven so badly some days. And yet.

God As My Comfort

I sometimes, in the hard, picture God, as best I can from a human mind never having seen Him in all of His splendor & majesty, & I picture Him as a huge giant of a man who fills a room, big & mighty. And I crawl up into the crook of his elbow & nestle in, knowing He has me & won’t ever let me go.

Knowing He’s faithful & kind, gentle & loving. He won’t ever let me go.

And then I thought, but there will be such great demand for this from everyone if this were as He is. But then it dawned on me… God is so infinite in nature, that He could be that for me AND for everyone else INDIVIDUALLY because of how infinite & vast He is.

What We NEED to Remember When We ARE DEPRESSED

In all the hard of life, I think it’s so, SO important to remember what God instructs us in Philippians 4:8 Think on those things. Be INTENTIONAL in it. Life will always have HARD, but it will also always have GOOD, because God is GOOD.

Remember to PRAISE Him… to WORSHIP… to THANK Him. Don’t quote verses about it… DO IT. You will be surprised how often it lifts your soul from the miry muck to peace in remembering an awe for all God is & has done for you. REMEMBER.

Put on the armor OF GOD every day. (Ephesians 6:10-18) Remember the impossible peace He can offer IN the storm. Remember if you trust on Jesus to cover your sins against God by His dying on the cross & rising again… you are SAVED from your sin & NOTHING can take that from you. Remember FAITH… not in the superficial ideal of hope, but faith in what GOD can do where you can’t. Remember God’s Word as TRUTH no matter what you see or feel. Remember to make God-honoring choices, even & especially when you don’t FEEL like it. Remember to PRAY.

(*Read about the armor OF God in more detail on a previous post of mine: “What Good Is the Armor of God? (Part 1/2” & “What Good Is the Armor of God? (Part 2/2)”)

If you can’t fight anymore, I get you. In your heart, when you have no strength to pray, close your eyes & picture crawling up into the nook of His arms, letting Him hold you in perfect peace despite the world. Let Him be for you what you can’t for yourself.

It is okay to not be okay. But don’t let the enemy win… let God.

Shine HOPE by calling out to God & trusting He hears you. He sees you. He loves you.

***Read these other past posts about Depression: “Depression & Me”; “Depression: the Devil’s Playground”; “The Sin Problem That Lurks in Depression & Struggles”; “Pivot, Pivot! #3-The Dungeon of Depression-The Journey of Truth”; “Sometimes God Doesn’t Take the Pain Away.” ***

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for 6.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Awakening Necklace (INDIA)

Create safe jobs for women in India when you shop the Awakening Necklace. The intricate design of this necklace makes it uniquely customizable, featuring its twisted burgundy and gold cord with a gold-tone pendant charm and adjustable golden bead for easy wearing. This necklace is easy to pull over your head and adjust to your perfect length.

***Every purchase, using the “Shop Here” link below, creates safe jobs with fair wages in areas of extreme poverty in India.***

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

God Can Heal What Can’t Be Healed

Okay, this one’s personal. This one isn’t a very popular topic to be openly discussed, but again, if the church isn’t talking about it, then all we can hear is the world’s opinion, & seeing how God says that our hearts are “desperately wicked” & “deceitful above all things,” well, we probably shouldn’t be turning to the world around us for truth on this subject. (Jeremiah 17:9)

When I was [single digit] years old, I was flipping through our 8-channel tv (yes, I am that old), & I saw a woman with no clothes on a man with no clothes. Showed too much (not like porn, but definitely much too much for a chance sighting through simple channel flipping by a child.)

That singular moment bore itself into my brain a proclivity toward lust. Fantasizing. (With the amount of raunchy &/or suggestive ads that come up when playing a kid game app on my phone, I worry about these next generations & the addictions that will stem from it, completely unbeknownst to their parents.)

I Felt the Need to be “Wantable”

Couple that with the fact that I felt like the fattest, most unappealing girl in any given friend circle, leading to me using flirting & innuendos to gain affection & admiration from my peers at school.

Desperate, hormone-charged, insecure, ill-judgment-ridden me thought I had to be what guys wanted in order to be wantable or likeable. And I wanted to be wantable & likeable.

I didn’t always make the best decisions. But boy did I have loopholes “figured out” in my mind to “justify” them, because the big offender was sex of any kind & well, I was “just using words.”

[God wasn’t fooled.]

A Friend Hurt Me

And eventually, I faced sexual assault. I wasn’t raped, but I was touched inappropriately without consent repeatedly & on multiple occasions, & some by close male friends. I had made them believe that’s the type of girl I was—not that that gives them any right remotely, but I did make them think I was okay with it. I very much was not, but was too afraid to seem “prude” or like I was making too big a deal of “nothing“ to speak up.

It made me feel cheap, used, disposable. It made me feel I had no worth or value, just seen as an object for desire… to be used… & not much more. It left me feeling an ick no length of shower could wash away.

We’re Often Treated As Disposable… Not Treasured

This is no new thing for many, MANY females. (I once had a guy ask to touch me somewhere inappropriate within MINUTES of being introduced to me by a friend, “because he liked them.” (ew) And that was one of MANY countless harassing/uncomfortable situations I have experienced, even by strangers, throughout my lifetime.

Tv shows, music, movies, all have examples of women depicted as sexual objects, comments from men/boys in them being centered on how hot they are or whether they would want them based on how hot they are, or the opposite, how much they would be grossed out if she didn’t “look hot.”

Women are used to being portrayed as the busty eye candy ogled & talked to/about suggestively throughout a movie, music video, show, etc., not holding much additional value to the plot.

Sexual Assault/Harassment Causes Heart Scars That God Can Heal

Assault is common. More common than you think. Some is just minimalized as “just joking around,” but it’s not funny. In my travels abroad, even, I have witnessed grown men ogling nude magazines shamelessly in the middle of a convenience store aisle, & even countrywide laws where no phones are able to have a feature where you can turn off the sound for taking a picture so as to prevent men taking pictures up skirts on the train. It’s nothing new—there are forms of the exploitation of women all over the world.

Even in dating, the pressure to have sex is almost unquestioned these days by youth, as if it’s just EXPECTED. As if our dating value is dependent on offering our BODIES once again!

No wonder there is so much damage in this area! No wonder there is distrust, closed off-ness, lack of vulnerability, distance, turning to erotica, fantasizing, or even porn. Women are widely taught that men are not safe spaces when it comes to sexuality.

We Bring the Damage Done with Us

Then, we get married. And all that baggage gets dumped on our husband. And he doesn’t get why he has to pay the price for what he didn’t do to you.

But he does. The fear gut reaction doesn’t just go away because you’re married now.

The ick of giving in to being ogled or heckled or touched or talked about inappropriately because you didn’t want to make a big deal out of it or cause a scene… it sticks with you.

Because I was assaulted by someone I cared a lot about, multiple times before my other friend coached me & pushed me to have the courage to stop it… I was subconsciously terrified of someone desiring me, because last time it had happened, it made someone who I cared about choose getting what he wanted from me above caring for my wellbeing... choose hurting me over protecting me–because of his desire for me.

And it wasn’t fair to my husband. He never hurt me.

When You Have Trouble Believing God Knows What He’s Talking About–Sexual Vulnerability/Intimacy After Hurt

But you read how God talks about marriage & sexual intimacy & the safety & security there… the freedom to love your spouse wholly & freely & to be loved back just the same way… & it just seems like a joke, a pipe dream… an impossibility… a nice thought… a non-reality. But God DESIGNED sex. And He set rules for it to protect it–if we but trust Him.

So, after all of those distorted views on sexual intimacy through fantasizing, that only became worse after I was assaulted because then I was in control & no one else… plus being degraded by strangers & friends alike throughout my lifetime… plus seeing how pretty much all media portrayed desire/worth/value through how hot you were (aka your value equaling mainly sex appeal)….

Well, how am I supposed to believe God knows what He’s talking about? That HIS design WORKS?

Sin Robs Freedom & Joys

The fear of being vulnerable was so intense the first 5 or so years of marriage. It was so hard to switch from protect-myself mode to intimacy with another person. I still struggle on occasion.

I so often relied on fantasies vs my husband because it felt safer than being vulnerable. I used to go into fight or flight in intimate situations & eventually learned to excuse myself to the restroom so I could reset, pray, & re-coach my brain by telling it this was different… this wasn’t THAT.

How was I supposed to trust HIS design, when literally everything in my world SCREAMED the opposite?

You see sitcoms where the running joke is implied that after marriage, sex just doesn’t happen anymore. And I think part of that is a whole lot of what I’ve been talking about. Plus, the fact that for women, it’s usually us feeling SAFE & CARED FOR & absolutely CHERISHED that gets us in the mood really, & when life is crazy & busy & distractions are ABOUNDING, it’s really hard for a woman to settle into that head space & trust in being vulnerable.

Though It Seems Easier to Trust Our Own Solutions… Trust Instead That God Can Heal What’s Broken & Renew That Sense of Safe Space to be Vulnerable Again

It just seems easier to rely on steamy novels for some women, fantasizing, or even porn (let’s stop pretending men are the only ones who struggle with THAT temptation). Even if it’s “just” steamy novels, don’t pretend that’s any better either (as someone once wisely put it to me—those novels being made available to us means someone had to write it—so reading it encourages those people to keep fantasizing up sexual stories).

But all that just leaves us with is further disconnect. A lack of intimate connection to our spouse. Distance. Lack of enjoying each other together. Lack of freedom in your expression of love for each other.

That’s how fantasizing hurts. It encourages solo vs shared. It encourages selfish control vs shared vulnerability. It encourages isolation vs intimacy.

And it’s something I still have to wrestle. Ever since that one little scene my innocent single-digit me saw when flipping channels, fantasizing has been my companion. I was in control. I was safe… or so I thought. And now it’s addiction that I have to battle from time to time. And I lose sometimes… or rather, I choose to dishonor God because my lust shoves Him aside selfishly & foolishly.

God Designed Sexual Intimacy… So Let Him Set the Boundaries… & Trust Him to Renew What Is Broken or Hurt

But I have seen God help shift the narrative. I have seen Him working. I have seen changes. I am learning to say, “God, I don’t think I can go without this, but I have to believe Your plan & design is better than mine, even as false as that may seem to me at any given moment. I have to trust that You can where I can’t. That You can change me. That You can help me rebuild. That You can help me have the free trust in my own marriage despite all of the poison I have encountered throughout my own lifetime, whether through media, strangers, friends, or through myself & my wrong, sinful choices. Please help me to believe that You know what You’re talking about & that Your design is best AND possible, even in the reality I’m in… even after all the years of mistakes I have made in contributing to my damaged view of possibility. Help me continue to change for Your way over mine, choosing to trust You more than my own desires for safety my way. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

Shine HOPE by choosing to trust God & do it His way, even when you have trouble believing it can ever be possible. Where you can’t. He CAN. God is in the business of making all things new—even you, even in this.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for 6.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Ginkgo Leaf Earrings–Golden (INDIA)

When you shop the Ginkgo Earrings (also available in silver-tone), you are creating safe jobs for women in areas of extreme poverty in India. These stunning, sculpted earrings are the perfect fair-trade fashion statement! Each gold-tone Ginkgo Earring features two connected ginkgo-shapes to create this beautiful dangle earring!

***Shop these beautifully handcrafted earrings from India, using the “Shop Here” link below, to empower women in India out of poverty!***

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

What Is the START of Wisdom?

To start this off with a bang, I am just going to get right to it. Whether you believe God exists, whether you hate or love God, whether you believe in Jesus as the only way or that you can find another, whether you trust Him or not, the Bible gives us one truth to rule them all: “The fear of the LORD is the BEGINNING of wisdom….” (Proverbs 9:10a) (emphasis mine)

Do you know what that means? It means understanding that God is GOD & you are NOT as the very START of wisdom.

So, in other words, whether you want to believe Him or not… the start of wisdom is knowing that you don’t have to believe the GOD Who made you in order for Him to be absolutely correct on all things. And that to just reach the outskirts of wisdom, you have to start there.

Today (& next week), I would like to take a deeper look at some topics where these lines of truth seem to blur quite often. The 4 things I will be looking into are, this week: forgiving yourself & forgiving others, & next week: sexual identity, & sexual vulnerability/intimacy.

Unforgiveable Sin… BUT

Do you feel you have sinned in a way so disgusting, so wicked, so twisted, so shameful… that you think no amount of grace could ever save you?

Now, God says that none of us are without sin. (1 John 1:8; Romans 3:23) We all fall short. None of us measure up or are good enough. Makes sense, seeing as how God made everything, holds absolute authority, & yet we still have the cockiness to EVER assert ourselves above Him in any capacity, even doubting Him. In fact, the word “sin” actually has more of the idea of “missing the mark” rather than “doing bad stuff.” And I think we could all agree that we don’t get it right every second of our lives, even if we try really hard.

But, Jesus, right? God doesn’t say, “look how badly you screwed this up… well, Hell for you!” No, He takes no pleasure in any of that. In fact, knowing we could never pay our limitless debts to Him for our falling short… He sent His OWN Son to die in our place, taking on our shame & punishment… so that we could find forgiveness before God. (1 John 2:2; Romans 5:8; 1 John 1:9) WOW. Grace. Mercy. LOVE.

So, when we avoid surrendering that sin to God, in exchange for the grace bought by Jesus, not only is it like calling God a liar, but it’s also saying Jesus wasn’t enough for you. Ouch. When we recoil because we think, “nah, He can’t forgive that… that’s on me…” you belittle what Jesus gave for you… You make His death for you in vain. His suffering for you in vain. Jesus doesn’t have to pay extra for you. You don’t have to supplement what Jesus gave for you. You just have to take God (as GOD) at His word.

What are you waiting for?

How Can I Be Expected to Forgive THAT?

Next is forgiving others. Wow that is a TOUGH pill to swallow for some, is it not? I mean, I have had people do hateful, spiteful, careless, wreckless things to me. I have even faced sexual assault by a friend of mine & faced years of verbal assault as well, but that is NOTHING compared to the evils some have faced on this earth. (I am not minimizing what I have faced, but only recognizing that the trauma I know is only a mere fraction of what some carry.)

How can God ask us to forgive those people? That wickedness? How are we possibly supposed to not walk around with bitterness as our constant companion? Despair? Disgust? Hatred?

How can we LOVE them? PRAY for them? Do GOOD for them? Forgive them?

Honestly, sometimes I struggle with it myself. But when I consider how God made me, the world, & everything in it… & is seated on His throne & could have just let me face my deserved consequences… but rather sent His own Son to suffer horribly & die in my place, taking on the full weight of all of my sin, when He could have stayed on His throne instead… all so I could go to heaven not even based on my own righteousness…. It makes it a little harder to question Him.

It’s something that takes a dying to self for sure, because it is not comfortable or easy… & it can feel like I’m letting them off too easy.

When You Have Trouble Believing God Knows What He’s Talking About-Forgiving Self & Forgiving Others

But consider this… if they don’t repent of what they did to you, accepting Jesus as LORD over their life in place of their sin, you can be SURE that God is not going to be letting them off easy one bit. They WILL pay for EVERY wrong they have ever done. And it will be severe. Eternal suffering, in fact.

And if they DO repent & ask God for forgiveness, turning from their practicing of sin to making Jesus Christ LORD over their life… you can be sure that Jesus cared enough about you to take on every bit of deserved vengence & suffering upon Himself. No bad deed goes unpunished.

AND, to carry through from forgiving yourself… if you are the abuser…. If you are the one who committed unspeakable wrongs against someone else, I want you to read all that again. IF you do NOT repent & turn to Christ as your LORD & redeemer, you WILL suffer the consequences. God will NOT let you avoid the punishment you deserve. BUT, IF you repent, truly remorseful & wanting forgiveness, surrendering your life & will to Jesus Christ, He has ALREADY paid your debt in full & you WILL be forgiven & given a chance at a new beginning, as a new creation in Christ. Debts paid in full to God, by Jesus.

When It’s Hard to Forgive… Pray & God WILL Help You

It is not always too easy for me to consider forgiveness. I am a lot like Jonah, when I witness unspeakable horrors, I am admittedly not the first one to desire their redemption. I want them to pay for it. I want them to suffer. I want them to get what is coming to them.

I don’t want them to get off easy.

It’s something I have to pray through. I have to deny myself as God instructs. (Galatians 2:20; Luke 9:23) I have to consider what JESUS, Lord of heaven & earth, gave up for ME. And I have to pray & ask for God to help me respond in a way that pleases Him over how I naturally WANT to respond.

“Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19)

What Happens When We Forgive the Unforgiveable

But think of what can happen when we respond the way God asks us to in place of how we feel is best….

Not only are we set free from dragging the bitter chains of painful agony around with us, darkening & poisoning our lives forever, letting the trauma continue to destroy us within…. The abuser expects attempted retaliation… hatred even. Sometimes they even crave the power trip it gives them. And if not, they just don’t seem to care.

But, when we, like God instructs, do good, even to those who mistreat us… that isn’t weakness. (Matthew 5:44-47; 1 Peter 2:18-24) That is an inner strength that God can supply as we allow Him to that is able to rise above anything thrown at us. To respond in grace versus pain. That gets noticed.

And, it opens space for repentance. That when God gets a hold of them, they don’t stay locked in a prison of their own shame, shackled by their guilt. It gives them space to discover the transformative power of the grace of God. To make them a new person who, by God’s grace, would never do that to another person ever again.

Look How Mightily God Used Paul, a Forgiven Sinner Underserving of Forgiveness

I imagine many a person was hesitant to believe Paul (formerly known as Saul)… to forgive Paul… for facilitating so much death & suffering on Christians. (Acts 7:57-58; Acts 8:1-3; Acts 9:1-7; Acts 22:4-5; Acts 26:9-11; 1 Corinthians 15:9) And yet, God flipped that man on his head, got his attention, & turned his life around for the glory of God. Don’t prevent someone from seeing God change the worst of hearts. God can do the impossible. So step aside, trust your suffering to Him, & learn to be a forgiver as Jesus Christ forgave you.

Shine HOPE by believing that God knows what He’s talking about, by accepting that when He says you are forgiven & that Jesus’ sacrifice is sufficient for your sins… He MEANS it… & by forgiving others as Christ first forgave YOU.

***Come back next week as I cover the continuation of this topic: when you have trouble believing God knows what He’s talking about with sexual identity & sexual vulnerability/intimacy.***

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week.

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for SEVEN years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Coastal Treasures Necklace (INDIA)

This feminine, gold-tone necklace features dainty Amazonite, Citrine, Rose quartz, and Green Amethyst charms. Handcrafted by women earning a dignified income in India, this necklace creates lasting change. The Coastal Treasures Necklace is perfect for daily wear or paired with other styles for a layered look!

*** Purchase the beautifully handcrafted Coastal Treaures Necklace, using the “Shop Here” link below, to help create safe jobs for women ending poverty cycles in India.***

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me to continue supporting them as well as continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

God Made Us All Different for a Reason

One of the reasons I have grown to love reading the Bible is seeing over & over again how great God is. Seeing through the whole expanse of time, how He displays His limitlessness, His power, & His ability even when we have so little to offer Him.

The patience He showed with Jonah. The miracles He worked through Moses. The might He showed through Gideon. The gentle care He showed to former prostitutes. The sovereignty He showed through Job. The faithfulness He showed through the Israelites.

I could go on & on & on. And yet, through all of these examples (& more!) something amazing stands out to me. People in the Bible were not all the same in willingness, in faith, in making right choices, in personality… & yet, God used them all in such mighty ways that we still talk about them today!

We all have different backgrounds. Different upbringings. We have all lived different experiences. We all have different traumas, (even those subtle ones where we would claim with vehemence that it is not trauma, but are revealed in our unhealthy gut responses to things we have learned hurt us in the past). We all have grown up with different ways to protect ourselves or feel strong or avoid showing weakness. We all are made different by our personal circumstances & life experiences.

So, when I see God discussing the call for us to have unity in the body of Christ, I cannot fathom the thought that He intends for us all to look & sound the same, dress the same, handle things the same way, have the same strengths or the same weaknesses. To all be carbon copies. God is way more creative than that.

God Is Creative + God Is Sovereign

Diversity + unity seems to be the perfect blend.

We are called to have one mind—to be on the same mission: to know & love God more… all on the same team: seeking to serve & love others to the glory of God. Living as Jesus Christ’s ambassadors.

He calls us to obedience, to honor Him with our choices, our thoughts, our words. In the matter of following God’s law, in the matter of showing respect & honor where it is DUE… we are called to be the same.

But that doesn’t mean WE are all the same…. But in all of our differences, unity.

Avoid Only Being Around People Who Think Just Like You—Allow Room to Grow

The tendency of humanity is as the age old saying goes: birds of a feather flock together. While the fellowship & community with other believers is vital, it is so easy to hang out ONLY with other believers that make us feel comfortable in what we already think & believe.

I think one of the beautiful aspects of being part of the body of Christ is the concept of iron sharpening iron. We all have different growth needs. We all have different areas of strengths & weaknesses. And we can all help each other toward the goal of better representing Jesus to the world… toward striving for holiness. We will all be a forever work in progress & we NEED each other through it!

But we also need to live with grace toward one another.

The Struggle Spots in Some Friends Can Spurn Greater Growth in YOU, Too

Don’t avoid discomfort! We need it!

I have had friends in the last 10 years in every place I have lived in whom I could see some sort of trauma at work in their heart, trumping the truth of God’s Word. And they were unwilling to see it. That is very uncomfortable for me (even though I can also exhibit the very same stubbornness in certain seasons of my own life).

My temptation was to not spend time with them anymore because their ruts made me so unbelievably uncomfortable in some circumstances, even though I respected their faith & understanding of the Bible in areas where I was weak. But God challenged me that even through their weaknesses, it was challenging me to pray & study to solidify in my heart whatever truth of God’s Word their situation represented, challenging me to grow & grow myself!

I needed to be challenged versus just taking what I knew for granted… versus only talking about something that comes easily to me. It was good for me that they didn’t think like me because it challenged me to grow in my thinking more like Jesus & in better knowing God’s Word.

Don’t Kick Others While They’re Down… Even If It’s Behind Their Backs

It hurts my heart when I hear Christians talk ill of other Christians. And I see it A LOT. I probably have been guilty of it as well when frustrated & caught up in a conversation about said frustration.

But shame on me. Shame on us. What are we doing? Don’t we get that we’re all family under God because of Jesus?

We can shake our heads at Jonah, but which of us would see outright murder of young children to false “gods” & not feel like they ought to get what’s coming to them?

We can look at Abraham & be like, “DUDE, why are you putting your wife in a compromising-to-her-safety situation to protect yourself AGAIN,” but which of us would not also feel panic rise up when up against a royal army & possibly moody king with the power to kill you on a mere whim?

We can be absolutely disgusted by David’s infidelity (& basically murder), but which of us has not allowed the temptation of sin to deceive us at one point (or many times over a lifetime)?

(But how easy it is to relate to Job in his laments, right? Because his pain “makes sense” to us.)

Shame on us for holding up the judgment stick against another believer. Are their choices always good ones? No. Is hindsight always 20/20? Yes. Can we know God knows all & still end up doubting Him, fearing, or hesitating? Also yes.

How Easy It Is to See the Weaknesses of Others

I heard somewhere how we tend to look at our own misbehaviors or weaknesses or failures through a telescope, but for others, a microscope. Isn’t that the truth?

We know our intentions. We MEANT well. We didn’t MEAN to screw up so badly.

And yet… did you see how badly THEY screwed up? How poorly THEY are handling this? How long THEIR season of weakness is lasting?

Shame on us. Shame on me.

I think we can all agree that we have all had our own lapses in judgment, when flesh won out over spirit, even if “only” in our own heads. If that were broadcast about us as the subtitle to our life, wouldn’t that be embarrassing? Wouldn’t that HURT?! So why even consider doing that to someone else?

Give grace upon grace!

Be the One Who Edifies the Body… Versus Tearing It Down When It’s Weak

We are meant to build up one another toward Christ. We are meant to be the strength in another’s weaknesses. We are meant to comfort the fainthearted. We are meant to live in LOVING-as-an-action UNITY, even with our many differences.

Some of us are just a finger. Some are a whole foot. Some are the spine. Some are the eyeballs.

And you know what, I think our part to play changes through different seasons of our lives. But we are ALL meant to work alongside each other toward the same goal—honoring God with our lives & giving Him glory through the way we live & treat others.

Using your gifts. Using your resources. Using your time. Using whatever you have to offer Him in either your strengths or weaknesses.

He Is Worth It! Proclaim It!

Proclaiming to the world that whether you’re strong or weak… He is worth it.
Whether you fail or succeed… He is worth it.
Whether you get it right or have to try again… He is worth it.
Whether people “get you” or talk poorly about you… He is worth it.
Whether everyone loves you or everyone hates you… He is worth it.
Whether everything goes right or everything falls apart… He is worth it.
Whether you win it all or lose it all… He is worth it.
Whether you’re surrounded by loving family & friends or feel all alone… He is worth it.
Whether you’re strong or weak… He is worth it.
Whether you have everything to give or nothing at all… He is worth it.

It is never an “US” vs “THEM” situation. Only US.

Grace Upon Grace

We are ALL a work in progress. None of us have “arrived” & none of us ever will. Strong in a lot of areas? I guarantee you are not strong in EVERY area… & if you truly believe that you are… you are greatly blinded by deception my dear friend. Pray for God to show you your blind spots if you dare. (And you should dare… because He is gentle, faithful, already knows them, & Jesus already died for them—they don’t own you.)

And you should treat others with the same grace. If you see something, don’t be afraid to speak up IN LOVE, not to tear them down, not to feel self-righteous, not to look like “it’s a good thing they have me because BOY do they have a lot they need to work on,” but IN LOVE, to HELP them.

Yes, strive for holiness! Yes, obey God’s Word & encourage others to do so! But also, show grace in the failings. Support & encourage versus tear down. Pray for versus talk about. We’re all at different stages of growth in different areas. We need each other.

Don’t expect others to have it all figured out & pruned & perfected. Walk alongside them & encourage them as the Holy Spirit does that work in them throughout their lifetime of seeking to know, love, & obey God better. Fail forward.

God Doesn’t Need You… He WANTS You

GOD DOES NOT NEED THEM (OR YOU) TO BE PERFECT. Jesus died & paid IN FULL. PERIOD. God is infinite. He doesn’t need ANYTHING from us. But it’s because we trust Him to know best & we obey Him because He deserves it most, even when we don’t always understand. He CHOOSES to ALLOW us to participate in HIS work…. Don’t forget that.

We don’t need to talk down about others, stick our noses up at them, look down on them, feel shame paralyze us, worry what other people think of us, or put ourselves down.

JESUS. PAID. IN. FULL. ALREADY. FOR. THAT.

Obey Him As Lord, Trust Him As Your Savior

If you really love someone, if you really TRUST someone… the proof is in the pudding, as the saying goes. You will SEE it.

If others saw your life… would they see your love for God? Would they know?

God Can Use Even Just a Willing Heart…

We don’t all have to be on the same level in every area of growth for God to use us.
We don’t have to all look or act the same way for God to use us.

We don’t have to have the same upbringing or church background/knowledge for God to use us.
We don’t even have to respond rightly every time or get it right every time for God to use us.

We don’t have to have all the right answers for God to use us.

We don’t have to be capable at all for God to use us.

Because He is GOD. He doesn’t need our contribution. He is sovereign. He is good. He is far more gentle than we often are with each other. And He wants to use HIS power THROUGH us to love others & offer them a lighthouse home… to hope found only in the arms of their Savior Jesus Christ.

Diversity + Unity = The Perfect Blend

Diversity + Unity. All on the same team. All have different strengths & different weaknesses. All of us will have different seasons of victory or failure. All supporting one another & working together with one mind & one goal: to better love, honor, & obey God tomorrow than we did today, no matter where you’re starting from.

But we all serve the same great God. And Jesus died for ALL of it.

Let others be weak. Let them not have it all figured out. Let them make mistakes.

Because you are too, you don’t either, & you do too.

But God is strong when we are weak.
God knows all.
God is sovereign over even our mistakes, failures, & weaknesses.

ONE TEAM. FOR JESUS. THROUGH THE HOLY SPIRIT & THE POWER OF GOD ALMIGHTY.

Shine Hope by not looking at how differences make you uncomfortable or different, but how God uses all sorts of people in all states in every circumstance. Knowing God is more than capable of filling in the gaps. Not arguing. Not talking about. But loving, supporting, encouraging toward honoring God in every circumstance & weakness & struggle, come what may—Diversity + Unity = The Perfect Blend.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week.

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for SEVEN years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Mother of Pearl Earrings (INDIA)

Make a fair-trade fashion statement with these genuine mother of pearl earrings! These gorgeous earrings feature a gold-tone, organic-shaped stud with a mother of pearl circle. These unique artisanal earrings are handcrafted in a workshop in India that’s committed to fighting child marriage and helping women become financially independent as fair-trade Artisans.

***Purchase these beautiful earrings, handcrafted in India, by using the “Shop Here” link below, to empower women in India out of poverty!***

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me to continue supporting them as well as continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

We All Have Trauma of Sorts… But We Also Have a Choice…

We cannot always control our circumstances… but we can always control our response.

All of us have trauma of some sort, whether it was unkind words that stuck, or bullying, or a tough childhood, or loss, or betrayal or injury or witnessing something awful. So many other things as well.

And we may downplay it, as if it isn’t actually trauma because we think it may not be as bad or as extreme as someone else’s trauma, but if it has had a negative impact on how you view yourself, others, life, or God… it’s trauma.

It’s important, I think, to dig up that trauma & face it/deal with it. Not to rehash it or grow in bitterness, but to avoid stuffing it or avoiding it when what we ought to be doing is turning it over to God by praying through it & finding healing in it… moving forward in freedom versus hiding from it in fear.

We have no control over our past, but we do have full control on how we respond to it.

Talk about TRAUMA

Other than Jesus, Joseph is my favorite example of this attitude of choosing to respond rightly even in the midst of just absolutely terrible circumstances.

(***You can read this gut-wrenching story laced with grace & honor & a trust in God that rose above every harsh circumstance, in its entirety, in Genesis 37-50. Easily one of my favorite stories told about in the Bible.***)

Most adored by his father (don’t show favoritism parents, just don’t do it), hated by his brothers because of it, Joseph was thrown into a deep pit to be left trapped to die by his brothers who resented him.

His eldest brother thought to just scare him, leave him in the pit (allegedly to die) so he could secretly free him later… but when big brother left the scene, the rest of the brothers decided they would make more profit from their hatred by SELLING their own brother, Joseph, into slavery.

Hated, thrown in a pit, his life threatened… to being sold as a slave by his very own flesh & blood.

That’s brutal.

He Couldn’t Control His Circumstances… But He Still Chose to Respond Rightly

But, did Joseph lash out & blame a poor response on all of that trauma he had most definitely just experienced?

The Bible doesn’t say. What it does say is that he did his very best at being a slave, serving his master honorably. So much so that his owner took notice that God was literally blessing & flourishing everything Joseph was put in charge of doing or managing.

Then, that same master who praised him & gave him power over ALL of the workings of his household had a wife who got mad that Joseph refused her advances in order to show respect & honor to his master, her husband. So, he got imprisoned because the angry, rejected, & likely embarrassed wife accused him wrongly of attempting indecency with her.

Joseph Kept His Eyes above the Storm… He Trusted GOD

But, did Joseph lash out & blame all of that trauma for it?

Again, the Bible doesn’t say. But it does say that he did his very best at being a prisoner, & that much like his recent master, the prison guard witnessed the very same thing about God obviously blessing everything he set his hand to & therefore put him in charge of the other prisoners. Like, what?

Not exactly how I would initially respond, that’s for sure. I would be demanding my rights!

Joseph understood–He couldn’t always control his circumstances… but he could for sure always control his response.

And let’s not neglect to mention that he felt so sure in his right responses because of one very important thing… he trusted that God had a plan & that God was in control in all of it somehow–even through all of that horrible trauma he had experienced.

Trauma Hurts… But it Doesn’t Define Us… & It Doesn’t Need to Control Us… & We Still Have a Choice in How We Respond to It…

I can’t say my sisters have ever hated me, but they for sure have never plotted to push me into a pit & leave me for dead (not to my knowledge anyway), nor have they ever sold me into slavery.

I’ve for sure been falsely accused & misunderstood & been lied about many times in my 41 years, with some just not feeling concerned with clearing the air, seeking reconciliation, or hearing my side of the story… content to dislike me for whatever they believe to be true about me–that kind of thing hurts, doesn’t it? But I’ve never been to prison for it like Joseph.

I have had plenty of very unkind things said to or about me that still ring in my head from time to time. I have been bullied, mocked, betrayed, & ostracized.

I have lived in an area of Japan where English wasn’t spoken much aka so much isolation, been through a pandemic of even more prolonged isolation, & have survived a once-in-20ish-years super typhoon of mass destruction. I have witnessed a whole lot of very real pain of people I care a whole lot about.

The Hurts Are Real… But So Is My God

I have wrestled through seasons of deep depression throughout my life, where suicidal thoughts were near daily & have gone through intense seasons of loneliness when I was in a place where I couldn’t seem to make any connections despite my efforts… where isolation was a very real reality for me.

It may not be the type of trauma that everyone can relate to or understand. It may not be as severe as a cancer diagnosis or losing a loved one… but trauma it is all the same.

And I couldn’t choose whether any of it happened to me.

But I can choose how I respond to it.

I can trust (& now see) that God always sees the future & has a plan & WILL always use every traumatic experience BOTH for my good & for His glory. Always. Every single time He has done so.

God Never Wastes Our Traumatic Experiences

Whether it is to strengthen my character or teach me compassion or give me personal perspective over the struggles of others so that I know how to better relate & be with them in it/through it. Whether it’s to see Him come through for me over & over & over again so that my trust in Him would solidify… so that it could anchor my soul… so that I could know rest in Him is possible despite the circumstances.

To see that the impossibilities He promises, through Him, are actually possible.

We need to take every opportunity to look for how we can trust God above all of our circumstances, honoring Him over self in all of our circumstances, knowing He has a plan & has it all figured out & knowing we just have to be good stewards of what we’ve got right now—through the good, the bad, & even the horrible.

Because God never wastes our traumatic experiences.

Think Like Joseph…

Even if a family member threatens your life.

Even if you were to get sold into slavery by your own family.

Even if you work hard & do your very best, only to have people accuse you of doing something you would never dream of doing… not leaving any room for reconciliation or hearing your side of the story.

Even if you are thrown into prison for a crime you never committed.

Even if you are hated & scorned, spit on & beaten, wrongly accused & everyone wants you dead. (Isaiah 53)

Even if you came to give your life for theirs but all they do is scream for your death. (1 Peter 2:24) (Luke 23:20-25)

Even if no one understands you.

Even if you feel alone in this life.

Even if the hard doesn’t ever seem to stop.

We just can’t blame our trauma.

We have to choose to respond in a way that gives God honor anyway, trusting that God has a plan every step of this very hard way. Trusting He will provide a way through it all with His help, every step.

Where Have You Allowed Your Trauma to Call the Shots in Your Own Life?

Where’s the stronghold in your own life?

What are you allowing to run the narrative?

What are you using as an excuse for inaction, for a bad attitude, for doubting God, for simmering in bitterness, for closing yourself off from others…? What excuse are you using?

Do you need to pray & ask God to help you better honor Him despite your poor circumstances?

Do you need to pray & ask God to help you trust that He will always have a plan & that He will always use every awful circumstance both for your good & for His glory?

Shine HOPE by recognizing why we can’t blame trauma… by choosing to give God glory & honor anyway, despite it… by choosing to trust that God is ultimately in control no matter how bad the current circumstances may be… by choosing to trust that God has a plan that you may not see, a plan that is 100% always both for your good & for His glory.

AMEN & AMEN.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for 6.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Daisy Gift Set (INDIA)

A thoughtful gift set to share with someone you love! Create fair paying jobs for women in a safe working environment in India when you purchase the Daisy Gift Set. This impactful set includes the Daisy Raffia Studs and the Daisy Handbag Charm. The Daisy Raffia Studs support women with fair-paying jobs, helps educate girls, fights child marriage, and empowers families leaving slums in India. The Daisy Handbag Charm is also created in a safe working environment for women in India to earn a dignified wage.

***Order this set, using the “Shop Here” link, to empower women in India out of poverty!***

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

Who Needs Sleep?

Well, this morning, at 8am, I sat at my laptop, ready to begin writing my blog for the week… after having not slept a single bit last night.

If you remember, I had that wonderful, great 4-day weekend I was so looking forward to last weekend, only to be sick for all of it & get nothing done on my list.

Fast forward back to THIS weekend, & I am thinking redemption is HERE. I am going to MAKE UP for last weekend! YES!

Oh, silly me.

Sick Again? Didn’t We Do This Last Weekend?

Friday, I woke up nauseated for no reason. I am used to my yearly ish dehydration sickness battle & this was not that. It also wasn’t as brutal as food poisoning—had that before, too. AND, it didn’t feel as bad as a stomach bug either. Literally only a couple “bathroom runs” & finally threw up only once (but, warning for tmi a LOT) sometime in the evening. I just felt stuck all day. No videos, no games, no movement or I felt it bubbling up. Just lying still with nothing to entertain me ALL DAY while feeling nauseated.

 Saturday, my wonderful husband remembered only a couple days prior that he had forgotten to tell me about a boat trip he had signed us up for that day. AND, what I expected to be the usual 3-4 hour boat trip was a SIX-HOUR boat trip, plus 40 plus minute drive each way. That day was shot, basically. Beautiful & fun with swimming, snorkeling, sea turtles, tropical fish, dolphins, sunshine, sunset, cool breeze. But gone nonetheless.

And Sunday? Stayed home from church SICK—with another cold! I cannot catch a break. Wasn’t I just sick with a cold all last weekend?

So, then I slept zero hours last night because my nose was like I had plastic wrap wrapped tightly over my nose, with zero airflow, so if my mouth even THOUGHT about slumping closed, I felt like I was literally being suffocated. Needless to say, it made it pretty hard for me to let myself relax enough to feel that again after the first few times.

Now that we’re all caught up… 8am at my laptop… no sleep… sick AGAIN… zero productivity AGAIN.

*deep sigh*

Pay Attention, Michelle!

I feel like God is trying to teach me something about trusting Him.

I mean, last week it was all “God AS my strength reminders” + “Jesus went through MUCH worse than this VOLUNTARILY to die for MY sin.” (Read that post, here: “What to Do When You’ve Got Nothing Left.”)

This week, I am feeling like my plans just are not working out. And they’re good plans.

Trying to Get Ready

My sister & nephew are coming to visit our home for the FIRST TIME since we moved overseas THIRTEEN years ago. FIRST time. I want it to be perfection.

And not because I think she’ll judge me or be disappointed in me. No, I know her well enough to show the messy & feel confident she’ll still love me without judgment. No problems there.

But, this is her FIRST time. Probably her ONLY time. She won’t get to see a before & after. Only one or the other. I want it to be a summation of all the years my hubs & I have spent growing in our marriage & life & home together. I want her to see it at its very absolute best if she’s only going to get to see it once.

Plus, these are things I want to accomplish anyway, & having a deadline to work toward is a good motivational kick-in-the-rear to get moving on those projects.

Crafting My Plan to Stay on Task

Back in January, I recognized clearly how busy life gets. How easily “I have so much time to get things done” can turn into “oh no! I only have 2 weeks left!”

So, I started a general “20 Tasks in 20 Weekends” list to help me track with the ticking clock. I made a list of the 20 most desirable to-do projects I want done before they arrive, while also listing the dates of the next 20 weekends.

I’ve done pretty well, but not where I’d like to be & so I have been trying to spend a weekend these last few weekends just knocking several almost-done ones off to help level the numbers. But… well you see how well THAT’S going.

My Personal Strength Is but a Mirage… But So Is Any Semblance of Control in My Own Life

It’s almost like God is DELIBERATELY pulling the rug out from under me, as if to say again & again, “remember, Michelle, you are not the one who is in control here.”

So, I don’t know. Maybe God will just have tons to be left undone & I will have to settle for their one & only experience being the “before” experience rather than its shiny final form.

Maybe God wants to show me how no matter what curveballs life may throw at me, they have nothing on Him & He will come in clutch & just make it to all work out when it seems I don’t have close to the amount of time I will need to complete it all.

I don’t know. God does. I don’t.

When Things Don’t Go as Planned… God Is Still in Control

Basically, I need to just rest in my being sick state. I need to rest easy & know that whatever happens, it’s in His hands completely. He doesn’t lack control for one single second. He knows what will happen before it happens. He can also very well make the impossible happen.

And He can also show me that even if it doesn’t work out at all as I’d really hoped it would… He has a reason somehow in that, too. Even if I can’t at all see it.

Because when things don’t go as planned… God is still in control.

Amen? Amen.

What Holds You Back & Stresses You Out?

What keeps getting pushed back against your preparations & efforts that is stressing you out? Have you thought to trust that God sees & God knows? That He can help you? That He has a plan in what just looks like a mess right now to you? That you’re not in this alone? That His timing & priorities are higher than the ones we come up with for ourselves? In other words, we ought to be trusting HIS judgments way above even our own. He doesn’t ever have to guess or panic.

Shine HOPE by resting in His all-knowing plan, not letting messed up plans throw you off or stress you out, knowing they’re all in His hands & He’s got it covered. Every bit of it. Even when you don’t.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for 6.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Calla Wristlet (INDIA)

The Calla Wristlet creates fair paying jobs for women in India to earn a dignified income, in some instances for the first time in their life. This ethically made design is functional and stylish with its multi-colored, woven wristlet strap as well as a zippered card pouch that includes two card slots and another zippered coin pouch. The cream color of this zippered vegan leather wristlet is perfect for the woman on the go. 

*** Purchase this beautifully handcrafted Calla Wristlet, using the “Shop Here” link below to empower women in INDIA out of poverty! ***

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

When Things Don’t Quite Go the Way You’d Imagined

Well, I have been through the wringer these past 4 days.

I was so excited about this recent 4-day weekend. After having traveled over Spring Break, losing a week of opportunity to check off items from my house project to-do list because we went stateside for the week instead… to losing the last 4-day weekend I thought I would have because I ended up needing to work through it… I was so excited to finally have a stretch of time where I could feel refreshed, enjoy the beach, maybe hang out at the mall for some girly time… plus a huge chance to check off several things in my queue.

Let Me Tell You About My “Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad” (Last 4) Days

Well, Thursday… cue the beginning of a cold.

Thursday night… cue less than 4 hours of sleep because of clogged sinuses from said cold & not having taken medicine before bed.

Friday… cue Cisco (our cat who just finished his antibiotics for a gastrointestinal infection on Wednesday & we thought was now all better)… vomiting every 10 minutes all day, followed by a really not great visit to the vet (he does not do well at the vet), with no time for any rest or nap because whenever I would begin to nod off… cue vomit noises coming from somewhere in the house. (Plus, the crashing disappointment & sadness of thinking the meds made him all better to realizing it’s not over yet.)

Friday night… 2-3 hours of sleep. Sinuses… managed to fall asleep, but got woken up by something & couldn’t fall back asleep because of how dried out my throat was from falling asleep with my mouth open. Could not find our soothing throat drops ANYWHERE. The physical discomfort was too “in my face” for me to relax enough to fall back asleep.

And It Doesn’t Quit…

Saturday… more cat vomit, me being weak from not much sleep/my cold–most of the day spent in bed. Sad that the vet had already closed by the time he threw up again.

Saturday night… 5 ish hours of sleep aka better but not great.

Sunday… no vomit… feeling better… hope swelling.

Sunday night… NO SLEEP. Between “that time of the month” meaning consistent bathroom trips throughout the night, plus my sinuses, plus the desert throat from trying to breathe with my mouth open…. SO tired.

And now it’s Monday… After a night of ZERO sleep, I reset my alarm for an hour before work… had a jackhammer headache screaming in my skull all morning… felt I couldn’t even take off from work because I may need it for another vet visit once Cisco’s anti-nausea medication runs out… used my migraine cooling mask (lifesaver) & went back to bed until the reset alarm time & managed about a 1 hour nap before I had to get ready for work.

I don’t feel like I have much in me left.

The Physical Strain, the Mental Strain, the Emotional Strain… I Was Being Hit from All Angles

I am so physically weak. So discouraged about Cisco & feeling helpless while I watch him in pain at times & I’m out of it mentally because I’m not sleeping & sick & my sinuses.

There’s this little “Squeezamal” squishy stress ball thing I keep on my nightstand & I may have chucked it at our bedroom wall.

I feel like I am being tormented… attacked. Physically with sickness. Emotionally with Cisco. Mentally with no sleep.

Living on a Prayer

This morning was a battle for the ages in my mind that was SCREAMING for me to crawl back in bed & not get out until the jackhammer in my head stopped. To not get out until I knew Cisco is all better & I’m feeling all better.

The amount of PRAYING that had to happen this morning for me to even function enough to get up & get dressed & drive to work was…. A lot.

I have cried more in the last few days than I have in the last month… from just being so frail & fragile on lack of sleep combined with watching as my sweet kitty cat just suffered while I watched & couldn’t stop it from happening. Plus being sick on top of all that.

But Wait

But God reminds me of something in all of this misery. That my strength is but a mirage. It’s not real. My very life is sustained by His breath. I live because He gives me life. I am because He made me to be. Nothing is really actually of myself.

And when all of my perceived humanly strength is stripped away & the illusion washes away… I am forced to actually remember it’s Him where my strength comes from. And to lean into Him because I have none without Him… even when it hurts.

Hi IS

I don’t have to be strong to be strong.

I don’t have to have answers to know He does have answers.

I don’t have to see a way forward to know He sees one.

I don’t have to hold myself up to be held up.

I don’t have to bring anything to the table to receive Him.

He is not diminished by my depravity, my weakness, my frailty, my need.

He is endless. He is limitless. He is strength. He is love. He is faithful. He is the covenant-keeper. He is the Savior. He is the Creator. He is the Redeemer. He is my portion. He is everything… even when I am nothing.

Jesus’ Love Compelled Him

Jesus endured worse than me… but signed up for it… knowing full well what was to come.

And He came anyway. His love for me… for you… COMPELLED Him to come.

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes on Him should not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)

One of my favorite newly discovered quotes puts it so incredibly well:

“Jesus came to pay a debt He did not owe because I owed a debt I could not pay.”

-author unknown

Jesus, King of kings, Lord of heaven & earth, creator & sustainer of all things…. Came down from His heavenly throne to die on a cross because I could never measure up… I could never hit the mark every single time. I failed Him. And He redeemed me.

Because love compelled Him.

And He rose again & is SEATED at the right hand of God!

What to Do When You’ve Got Nothing Left

So, what to do when I’ve got nothing left?

Praise Him for all that He is for me in my lack.

Praise Him for His sustaining when I have nothing to offer.

Praise Him for His love & great sacrifice to pay for MY sin against Him.

Praise Him for having control even when I don’t… for being faithful through it all.

And show up for Him, telling others where I find my hope when it feels all hope is lost.

Praise God. Hallelujah. Amen.

In God, through Jesus Christ.

Lord I come, I confess
Bowing here, I find my rest
Without You, I fall apart
You’re the one that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour, I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour, I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

So teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand, I’ll fall on You
Jesus, You’re my hope and stay

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour, I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
You’re my one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You” (Song: “Lord, I Need You” by Matt Maher)

Shine HOPE by remembering Who you can turn to when you’ve got nothing left, & by telling others where you find that hope, even when you reach the end of yourself.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for 6.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Resilience Bracelet (GUATEMALA)

Each Resilience Bracelet creates dignified jobs for women in areas of extreme poverty in Guatemala. Featuring mixed gemstone beads in soft pastel tones and a silver flower charm, the Resilience Bracelet is perfect to wear daily or as a gift to a loved one.

***Purchase the beautiful Resilience Bracelet, using the “Shop Here” link below, to help empower women in Guatemala out of poverty!***

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

Anyone Else Need a Nap?

How are you doing today? Like, how are you really doing?

Honestly, I am tired. And not just an “I need more sleep” kind of tired, (although a nap does sound increasingly tempting as the day goes on)… just all around TIRED. I just don’t feel like I have much to offer anybody today.

My body feels worn down (admittedly becoming more & more common with each passing year, as I inch along through my 40s), my mind feels tired (just a lot going on), & I just feel a little beat up today, to be honest.

I’m not discouraged or disheartened, gratefully, but just feeling so incredibly worn out.

Watching Someone Else Hurting Is Hard

Part of it has been just the fact of watching my sweet kitty cat suffering these past couple days has been hard. If you have had a pet a while, you probably understand. They can’t tell you what’s wrong, but you see the desperate begging in their eyes for help & you feel helpless because you can’t exactly ASK them what is hurting them.

And I know some of you witness suffering & hurt from family members & friends & I can’t imagine how trying that is on the day-to-day, especially when it’s ongoing.

Last night, I came home to a puddle of blood on the floor after we had been seeing a few vomit spots throughout the house over the last 2 days (that’s probably where part of my tired is coming from in just constantly feeling like I am finding & then needing to clean up vomit around the house when I really hadn’t factored the time to do that into my schedule for the day).

It is hard to watch someone suffer. Especially when you can’t do anything to stop it. It takes a toll on you, doesn’t it?

(*He may be improving today, but it’s hard to tell at this point. I sought medical advice & was told to give it one more day because today he seemed to show slight improvement. Prayers appreciated for wisdom + his healing/comfort.*)

Even When I’m Tired

I don’t feel like I have much to give today, but I know that God is enough… even when I’m tired.

Lord, thank You for this reminder to seek You in all things, even things that seem small. To not rely on my own understanding. You know & You don’t ever have to guess. I need to be “praying without ceasing” & coming to You through every bit of life. I often mistake nudges from You as You trying to guilt me out of something I want, when You have no reason to do that. You know what is best & in Your goodness, You want to guide my every step if I but let You. Thank You for Your endless patience with me. Thank You for Your wisdom when we seek it. Thank You for being sovereign, even when I’m tired. Thank You for caring for us so well. Help me to better rely on & trust in You in all things big or small. Help my kitty get better & help me know how to help him. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Shine HOPE by trusting God in your weakness, on your off days, when you think you have it all together, & when you know you definitely don’t.

He is with you… even when you’re tired.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for 6.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Ginkgo Earrings-Silver (INDIA)

When you shop the Ginkgo Earrings, you are creating safe jobs for women in areas of extreme poverty in India. These stunning, sculpted earrings are the perfect fair-trade fashion statement! Each silver-tone Ginkgo Earring features two connected ginkgo-shapes to create the beautiful dangle earring! These earrings are also available in a gold-tone finish.

***Purchase these beautifully handcrafted Ginkgo Earrings, using the “Shop Here” link below to empower women in India out of poverty!***

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

The Times I Ask: “God, Where Are You?”

One of, if not THE hardest thing that causes me to wrestle with my faith is this: that sometimes God doesn’t take the pain away.

Whether it is the seasons of depression I struggle with or periods of maddening sleeplessness, or, like this past weekend, 4 hours of needing to actively fight against throwing up due to motion sickness on a flight–& not being able to get off the plane for some fresh air relief… when the pain keeps going, I begin to whimper… “God, where are You?”

It is most difficult for me to realize that sometimes God wants more for me than just the end of my suffering… He wants me to know Him as sufficient in all things… He wants opportunity to be glorified… He wants people to see that the peace He has to offer is not dependent on everything being comfortable & easy.

And that’s HARD.

It’s Always So Important to Look Back

I don’t know about you, but I do not like suffering one tiny eensy little bit. And when I am actively suffering, whether it’s emotional/hormonal imbalance or whether it’s physical… all I can think of is “MAKE. IT. STOP! PLEASE!”

But, looking back is the best reminder to keep on trusting God in the storms, because every single time, He has proven Himself faithful to me… that He had a plan all along… that He does not waste a single OUNCE of my suffering.

There are SO MANY examples of this that I have written about over these past almost 7 years. I couldn’t even name them all if I tried… there are just too many. God has always been faithful. God has always shown to have a plan. God has never once wasted an ounce of my suffering. No matter how hard it may seem, He proves faithful, sufficient, all-knowing, sovereign, gracious, kind, & wonderful every time.

Let’s Look Back Together

Depression for 2 years in high school, where I thought about suicide almost every day & cried alone in my closet more days than not? God showed that though He had stripped everything away that I counted on or trusted in or relied on for my identity or reputation… that even if I were to lose it all, if I had Him, I had ALL.

Not finding a job for MONTHS when I was desperate for money? God provided through odd jobs here & there every time before a bill was due, allowing me also to pay off all my debts to my parents as well, showing me HE WAS MY PROVIDER AS I trusted in HIM & HIS leading.

Sleeplessness for 2 months straight? God showed me He could BE my strength even when I had NONE, when I was willing to repent of my distrust & ask for His help. He WAS my strength in the hard!

Loneliness over a 6-year period, despite active efforts? God showed me that even though I handled that time progressively worse & completely failed Him & gave up on Him & resented Him… in all of that SIN & distrust & failure… He STILL worked through my life, showing me it’s not about ME being worthy, but about HIM being worthy.

I could go on forever about my undeserving & failure & falling short & distrusting Him & suffering… all with the same outcome: God showing Himself to have a plan, to never waste my struggle, & to be faithful through it all despite my unfaithful heart.

Yes. God can be trusted. Even when God doesn’t take the pain away.

God Didn’t Make Me All Better

On Sunday, I was sitting in my seat on the plane feeling so miserable. Motion sickness was tormenting me so much I couldn’t even reach for my bag to get meds without risk of vomit. I had to keep my head steady & concentrate actively on slow, steady breathing. Trying to catch the airflow from the vent to stay cooled. Trying to distract myself with randomness in my mind. PRAYING for relief & help. And staying very, very sick for the last FOUR HOURS of our flight.

Did I mention the PRAYING for relief & help? Well, I guess I never threw up, so that’s something… but the extreme constancy of discomfort didn’t ever let up. And there is no stopping a plane so I can pull over, get out on steady ground, & breathe fresh air until my tummy settles. Can’t exactly do that on an airplane….

And I PRAYED. Whimpered. Begged. Cried. I was so desperate to feel steady & have my tummy settle. But it didn’t… because sometimes God doesn’t take the pain away.

Rehearsing in My Mind What I KNOW to be TRUE… Even When It Doesn’t Exactly Feel Like IT

So, I have to look back… to remember His past faithfulness… to remember His always eventual displayed goodness when it wasn’t so readily visible in the struggle itself… to remember He will use this somehow, too.

God is good. Even when He doesn’t take the pain away. God is good.

He is faithful. He can BE your strength when YOU have NONE.

I think of the blind man… the people asking who sinned… his parents?… him?… And Jesus’ response? Neither (not that they were sin-free, but that their sin was not the cause), but that God could be glorified–so God’s power may be seen by the people. (John 9:2-3)

Because that man had a need, he was able to experience God’s provision, through Jesus. AND onlookers were able to witness the POWER of GOD, through JESUS.

If Ever Tempted to Doubt God’s Goodness…

And guess what? Our GREATEST need allows us to experience God’s provision, through Jesus, too.

We all fall short. We don’t have what it takes. We’ll never be enough, not REALLY. We’ll never measure up. We will always fail & fall short & get it wrong.

We can’t save ourselves. We can’t be sufficient. We can’t ever be good enough for God.

But… JESUS.

Can we just take a second to relish in that? To meditate on that TRUTH? We fail Him every single day in small ways & big ones, whether it’s distrusting Him in our struggles or anything else… we don’t deserve Him… BUT, He gave His Son to DIE for OUR debt ANYWAY.

I saw a quote yesterday that is so sweet & profound & it went something like, “He came to pay a debt He did not owe, because we owed a debt we could not pay.” Hallelujah, PRAISE GOD!

Sometimes God Doesn’t Take the Pain Away

God is sufficient in our NEED! God is GOOD! God is FAITHFUL!

He may not always answer the way I want Him to, but He ALWAYS answers to my deeper need: learning to let Him be God over every ounce of my life & being... to see Him as truly sovereign AND sufficient.

Perfecting me. Growing my faith in Him as sufficient in all things. Pruning me…. Making me more like Jesus.

Where do you question Him?

Where do you need to repent of distrust?

What need do you need to allow Him to fulfill?

His Son on the Cross for Our Sin

If ever tempted to doubt God’s goodness, we need not look further than His Son on the cross for our sin.

God wants you to know His goodness. He wants you to be confident to rest in Him. He wants you to draw near. He wants to be your sufficiency for all your need. He wants you to know Him.

Shine HOPE by trusting God’s goodness, provision, sufficiency, plan, faithfulness, & love… even when sometimes God DOESN’T take the pain away.

THANK YOU for your patience in the delay of this post being published. That 4 hours of “motion sickness” on the plane ended up being some sort of stomach bug that stuck around 4 FORTY-EIGHT hours. In other words, it got so much worse & yesterday I was just so weak & nauseated that I didn’t do much more than stay in bed. I am feeling much improved today & God held me through the worst of it. Happy to see the sunshine at the end of that dark tunnel. Today is a new day.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for 6.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Peace Bracelet (EAST ASIA)

Help women escape brothels in East Asia when you purchase the Peace Bracelet! This blue-toned phoenix stone and hematite beaded bracelet includes the word “PEACE” for a fun, fair-trade look! Easy to dress up or down for daily wear, the Peace Bracelet is the perfect bracelet to add to your bracelet stack.

***Purchase this beautifully handmade Peace Bracelet, using the “Shop Here” link below, to create jobs supporting sex-trafficking survivors in East Asia with safe housing, health care, trauma counseling, job skills training, and dignified income.***

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

Grace, By Definition, Is Undeserved

Being gracious does not come naturally, does it? Because, by its very nature, grace is undeserved.

Even if you may feel it not a weakness, I definitely struggle with it.

You know, if it’s something small or if I can tell nothing was meant by it, I can sometimes easily brush it off & move on… but when it was intentionally meant to hurt me or they recklessly hurt me, followed by zero remorse or compassion… yeah… not so easy for me then.

But today, I want to cover 4 people in the Bible whose demonstrated graciousness has really challenged me in this area: the slave girl, the prisoners, the betrayed brother, & the Lamb.

The Slave Girl

At church yesterday, our pastor spoke on the story of Naaman (2 Kings 5:1-16). Naaman is described as: Commander of the king’s army, a great man in the sight of the king, highly regarded, a valiant soldier… but he had leprosy.

But we’re not here to talk about this “great man of valor.” We’re here to talk about his wife’s slave girl. She is described as: taken from her home by raiders, held captive, & now a servant of Naaman’s wife.

Now, if it were ME we were talking about, I would find out my master’s husband had leprosy which he would most likely eventually die from, & think he kind of deserved it & that maybe it could even lead toward me finding a way to be released from captivity so I could go home.

But that is not how this slave girl responded to her unfair, hurtful circumstances that dragged her away from her home & family.

She surprisingly responded with GRACE. We know this because it was HER idea to tell Naaman’s wife that a prophet of God lived in Israel & could, through God, heal him of his leprosy.

Her Grace Led to His Healing, in More Ways Than One

And guess what??! Desperate man that he was, under all of his high praise titles, he LISTENED to her & WENT. And long story short, Elisha (the said prophet of God in Israel) did not show any recognition whatsoever to Naaman’s prestige, which greatly offended Naaman… because God wanted Naaman to see that it wasn’t JUST his physical malady He wanted to heal, but his heart & soul as well… & God KNEW Naaman needed to be humbled first, to be put on the same playing field as everyone else so to speak, & reminded that at his very core, Naaman was just simply a person like everyone else.

And through the urging of his servants to look past his offended pride & anger, he did indeed follow the instructions given by Elisha & he was indeed HEALED of his leprosy… & through all of that humbling, his heart was able to recognize the glory & splendor of the God Who had healed him!

He surrendered his life to God because a slave girl saw past her unfair circumstances, looked through the lens of grace, & had compassion on her master.

Was That Grace Easy for Her? We Don’t Know…

We aren’t told what went on in that young slave girl’s heart. Maybe she wrestled with wanting to let him suffer… maybe she had to bow down her natural inclinations to allow God’s perspective to override her feelings on the matter… or maybe she abided with God so closely through talking with Him (prayer) & reading His Word (Scripture texts), that she knew already how God would will her to respond. We don’t know.

But regardless of her process to get there, respond with grace she did. And her master will be grateful for her compassion & grace into all eternity.

All because a slave girl was gracious to a man named Naaman who wasn’t at all deserving of her grace.

The Prisoners

The second challenge to my struggle with graciousness is the story of 2 men who were “stripped, beaten, & severely flogged…” & then taken to prison because they freed a slave girl from the control of a demon & it made her masters FURIOUS because her fortune-telling made them heaps of money at her expense. (Acts 16:16-34)

The response of these 2 men—Paul & Silas? … “Praying & singing hymns to God as the other prisoners listened to them.”

In the middle of the night, earthquakes SHOOK the prison & caused the prison doors to fly open & all the chains on the prisoners to be loosed!

But you know what they did? The jailor came RUSHING in, SAW all the doors wide open, drew his sword & was ready to kill himself (the punishment for losing prisoners on your watch was SEVERE)… but then, a voice calls out….

Paul shouts out: “Don’t harm yourself! We are all here!” (Acts 16:28)

Their Grace Led to Hope for a Jailor & His Whole Family

The jailer was humbled to his CORE & was trembling as he asked, “What must I do to be SAVED???”

“They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household.” Then they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all the others in his house. At that hour of the night the jailer took them and washed their wounds; then immediately he and all his household were baptized. The jailer brought them into his house and set a meal before them; he was filled with joy because he had come to believe in God—he and his whole household.” (Acts 16:31-34) (WOW, it’s hard not to get choked up at that response!)

We don’t know how uncomfortable prison was for them, how wronged or hurt they felt… we know they were beaten & stripped & humiliated. And yet, they chose to worship God & trust God even in the midst of ALL THAT. And God used their time in prison & their attitude of graciousness to reach the heart of a particular jailor & his WHOLE family.

All because 2 prisoners saw beyond their uncomfortably poor circumstances & showed GRACE undeserved through it. Wow.

The Betrayed Brother

And then, this story, this betrayed brother that I have talked on so often in the past almost 7 years of doing this blog… Joseph, betrayed by his brothers. (Genesis 37-50)

They wanted to kill him, but then decided they could profit better from the situation by selling their own brother instead to passing slavers.

But you know what? Joseph, in being threatened to be killed by his brothers out of jealousy, being threatened to be abandoned to die of starvation or thirst in a hole by his brothers, being SOLD by his brothers to slavers, being bought, being accused wrongly because his new owner’s wife wanted him & he refused her honorably, being thrown in prison from false accusations, forgotten & left behind after helping someone in that prison, etc. etc. etc. The Bible says God BLESSED everything he did because he would strive always to do his best, even when it wasn’t earned by those demanding it.

What a life of GRACE he demonstrated, huh? I don’t know if I could have done it, outside of MUCH prayer & sobbing for home.

His Grace Led to Saving His Whole Family During a Time of Terrible Famine

But, in the end, God showed Joseph that what others meant for evil, God meant it for GOOD, because all of these HORRIBLE circumstances led him to be in a position of impressing the PHAROAH of Egypt so much so that this Pharaoh gave him power over his entire kingdom! AND, because of that gifted power, Joseph was in a position to provide food to his whole family when YEARS of famine struck all the land.

GOD KNEW… Joseph was faithful & gracious…. GOD PROVIDED.

(***You can read Joseph’s powerful story in Genesis 37-50. One of my FAVORITE stories. And it’s a TRUE one at that! God is so GOOD!***)

The Lamb

But then, we are at Person #4, who challenges me the most out of all 4: the Lamb.

More particularly, the Lamb of God… Jesus Christ.

Jesus is GOD. Imagine with me the ROBES that FILLED the throne room… the GLORY & MAJESTY like you can’t even begin to imagine….

And His love for US… it COMPELLED Him to step down from His heavenly throne when all of humanity’s efforts failed. The perfect garden with His presence? Wasn’t enough for us…. The 10 Commandments? Couldn’t keep ‘em. The sacrifices? Didn’t stop the sin.

So, Jesus came as the ultimate sacrifice… a once-for-all type sacrifice… as the Lamb of God.

His Grace Brought Us HOPE

We sin & we sin & we sin & we sin & we have no hope. We are naturally OWNED by our sin nature.

BUT GOD. God had compassion. God showed grace. God had His ONLY Son JESUS to pay our price FOR us. And Jesus, although overwhelmed by the weight & pain of it, willingly condescended Himself on our behalf. Talk about undeserved GRACE!

Aren’t you so incredibly GLAD that God did not leave us to our own sin & deserved punishment in Hell? That He provided an OUT? That He offered HIMSELF?

The perfect Lamb. Our perfect Sacrifice. Our SAVIOR.

What Does the Bible Say About Jesus?

“Behold! The Lamb of God Who takes away the sin of the world!” (John 1:29)

“Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.”” (John 14:6)

“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, [Jesus] Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

“… if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.” (Romans 10:9-10)

“For “whoever calls on the name of the Lord [Jesus] shall be saved.” (Romans 10:13)

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son [Jesus], that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” (John 3:16-17)

“All we like sheep have gone astray;
We have turned, every one, to his own way;
And the Lord has laid on [Jesus] the iniquity of us all.

[Jesus] was oppressed and He was afflicted,
Yet He opened not His mouth;
[Jesus] was led as a lamb to the slaughter,
And as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
So [Jesus] opened not His mouth.” (Isaiah 53:6-7)

Graciousness, as Told By: The Slave Girl, the Prisoners, the Betrayed Brother, & the Lamb

Who else is challenged in the area of GRACE today?

The slave girl, the prisoners, the betrayed brother… the Lamb…. Because they were willing to extend grace undeserved, God was able to change lives through their graciousness.

Praise GOD for GRACE.

May this urge us all to live in the perspective of grace. To live beyond & above our awful, difficult, unfair circumstances….

… To see ALL circumstances of unfairness as God-appointed opportunities to be, as our pastor termed it: “Messengers of Mercy.”

Shine HOPE by living a life of graciousness in moments of unfair treatment/circumstances, so that you can live as a “Messenger of Mercy” to this broken world owned by sin, to be redeemed by God’s GRACE.

(***Read more about grace undeserved in some of my previous posts: “An Undeserved Grace,” “Living Hard Things with Grace,” “Care More About the Person Than the Hurt,” & “Just an Average Person Used by an Almighty God.”***)

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for 6.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Ardent Necklace-Golden (INDIA)

Create safe jobs with fair wages in areas of extreme poverty in India by purchasing the Ardent Necklace! The design of the Ardent Necklace makes it uniquely customizable, featuring its twisted cord, elegant metal finishing and an adjustable golden bead for easy wearing. This necklace is easy to pull over your head and adjust to your perfect length. The gold-tone pendant is an organically shaped pendant with a freshwater pearl.

***Use the “Shop Here” link below to purchase this beautifully handcrafted necklace & help create job opportunities for women in areas of extreme poverty in India.***

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!