God Is Deserving of My Surrender

I talk about this little intimidating word: “surrender” a lot, but it really is such a vital piece in our learning to give God the honor & glory He deserves, & in seeing that His ways really are best, even when it doesn’t feel like it or make any sense at all to us.

Okay, so God holds ultimate authority, right? Ultimate right to have a say-so. Ultimate power. Made the world & everything in it. Made you & me. Knows everything. Sees everything. Understands everything… & ALSO has perfect wisdom to know how best to fit every piece together.

I cannot claim a single one of those things for myself personally. And yet, how often do I act like I do with the way I hesitate or offer pushback to God?

Sometimes, I’m not so good at surrender.

I Want to Win…

You see, surrender implies a giving up. Surrender implies a wrestling between what you really want & giving that up.

Imagine a battle. Who surrenders? The losers… the ones who see it’s either that or complete destruction. It’s defeat.

Surrender doesn’t feel good. By its very nature, it is uncomfortable.

And it doesn’t help that we live in a culture that tells you to be the main character of your life. That’s nothing new. That IS human nature at its core. We want what WE want.

Living in a Me-First Culture

In America, we REALLY seem to sell it. Everything is about living your best life, YOLO, whatever feels right, whatever makes you look good, whatever makes you feel good, whatever gives you “main character vibes.”

Even commercials aim to capitalize on making sure you have whatever you want at your fingertips & ensuring you really want what they have to offer.

So, self-denial feels SO uncomfortable, doesn’t it? So unnatural.

And yet, it’s how we’re called to live.

God Earns Our Surrender by His Very Nature

Taking up OUR cross & following Jesus. Denying ourselves. Doing everything, whether we eat or drink even, to the glory of God…. That is what we were made for.

Because He absolutely deserves it. It is literally what we were MADE for. (1 Corinthians 10:31; Isaiah 43:7; Psalm 139:13-16; Matthew 16:24-26)

And it’s not His arrogance that demands it. It is His very nature to deserve it.

It’s like someone winning GOLD in the Olympics & them getting a medal & press coverage & ad deals, etc., & you questioning, “Why should I praise THEM versus MYSELF in this sport???” Um, because they EARNED the right to that prestige. It’s not arrogance to receive honor that is deserved.

God is not puffed up, demanding allegiance superficially. He DESERVES it. He alone EARNED it by His very nature as Almighty GOD, Ruler & Creator of Heaven & Earth.

He Is the Potter, We Are the Clay

He is the Potter. We are the clay. Who is the clay to tell the Potter how He ought to form them or use them? (Isaiah 64:8; Romans 9:20)

You can dislike it. You can scream that you don’t believe it (in your heart of hearts, you know you do, because out of His grace, He has written His law on all our hearts so that we’re without excuse). (Romans 1:20)

But it is what it is, indeed.

And despite all that, surrender is still hard for me.

I Wrestled, Even Though I Knew God Ought to Win

When we moved back to Guam, I did NOT want to come. I had a very hard & negative experience last time we lived here (not everyone or every day or in all things, but a lot of HARD happened those few years) & I thought I was PAST it. And now God was taking me BACK there. I did not want to go.

But, even then, in my wrestling with & begging of God to change His plans, I knew… I KNEW He ought to win. I just didn’t want Him to.

I would pray something like, “PLEASE don’t make me go back there! I know You ought to win with this, because You have a perfect plan & know all & are leading this… but I just don’t WANT You to win here. Please help me even WANT You to change my mind, because I can’t even pray that right now because I DON’T WANT TO GO.”

But, even there, I knew I wanted His plan over my own. Sometimes I don’t even respond THAT well—if you can really see that as responding well at all.

All My Friends Were Getting Married…

And then there’s the fact that I was single for a long time & was a romantic straight out of the womb, I believe, so THAT was hard as well. I know hindsight bias says, “Well, you can’t really complain because I am still single & you’re NOT!” But… I had no clue that it would EVER happen back THEN. I was almost THIRTY when I got married & although I know some of you are single & older than that but just hold on for this next bit….

You see, I really, really, REALLY wanted to get married. I saw my younger friends AND younger SISTER get married before I was even in a serious relationship. It was crushing.

But I had to get to a point where I was willing to lay even that down. To be willing to say, “You know what, God. Even if. Even if. Even if You never see fit to lead me to marriage, help me to trust & honor You first. Not my will, but Thine. Help me trust You over myself. Forgive me for idolizing something You are withholding. Forgive me for doubting You. Forgive me for thinking I know better than You. Forgive me for doubting You care about me because of this. Please help me to surrender this to You.”

Surrender in Sleeplessness

Then, my 2 months of sleeplessness back whenever that was. Getting TOPS about 20 hours of sleep a WEEK—for TWO MONTHS. For perspective, 7 hours a night for one week is 49 hours of sleep a week. I was dead tired ALL THE TIME. (***You can read more about that in the blog post I wrote about it: “Growing Up a Christian: A Grace-Filled Life, Chapter 23: God Is My Strength.”***)

Some nights I just prayed & accepted that God could have me sleep if He chose, so since He chose to withhold it, I knew He could help me the next day, so I just rested in that fact, even though I was getting sometimes 0 hours of rest on a given night.

Some nights, though, I took my pillow, pressed my face into it, & silent-screamed my frustration into it. I was SO TIRED & yet, I COULD NOT sleep. I knew it was a spiritual attack, because it would be the weirdest things. An itch here, a need to blow my nose there, then a dog barks right out our window, then a crick in my shoulder, then my cat starts meowing, then my arm falls asleep, then I sneeze, then my hip feels achy, then my husband starts kicking his leg in his sleep (he does this sometimes). A million & one things slapping me out of sleep, but only just as I was starting to drift off. It was maddening!

And some nights, I would leave my room, defeated, sit at the kitchen table, put my face in my hands, & just cry for like 30 minutes until I went numb & just stared into the abyss. Blank. Defeated. Exhausted. Disparaged. WEAK.

God Would Supply, If Only I Was Willing to Surrender My NEED for Control to Return to Me… & Trust HIM As My Supply Instead of Myself

And I had to come to the point where I was willing to say, “Even if, Lord, even if. BE my strength.”

You see, I learned that I held a lot of faith in feeling capable in & of myself, & through that season, I wasn’t at all. I had to rely on God alone being capable FOR me when I had nothing left in me.

And that is HARD. (If you live this every day with chronic illness or pains, I am so sorry. God is sufficient, but it doesn’t mean it won’t be challenging as all get out surrendering that pain to Him each & every day. Fall into Him.)

Surrender is a tough pill to swallow sometimes, & sometimes I’m not so good at it.

But with it comes so much blessing.

Surrender Brings SO MUCH Blessing

God encouraged me to find 3 things, just THREE things to be thankful for about Guam every day back then. That is how simply He had me begin in even WANTING to ask Him to change my mind. (So gentle, so kind, & so gracious He is!) My 3 things were the same 3 things for MONTHS: palm trees, ocean views, & cool ocean breezes. But those 3 things helped shift to finding reasons to PRAISE Him versus FEAR His plans.

God encouraged me with PEACE in my singleness that I thought a complete & just plain IMPOSSIBLE thing to EVER feel about it, through time with my aunt one long car ride. (I wanted to be married SO BADLY.)

God WAS my strength in my sleeplessness. EVERY day. In my good attitudes & my very not so great ones. Every day that I eventually surrendered to asking for His help in my lack, He SUPPLIED. He WAS my strength, even when I had none of my own. He taught me that I could trust Him to be my supply in that way, never needing to worry if I ever lost my physical strength. Even in the hard, He would be my enough.

Surrender is hard, but when it comes to God, it is 100% always worth it.

For Our Good & For His Glory–100% of the Time, ALWAYS

EVERYTHING He does or determines is ALWAYS for OUR good AND His glory. Every time. (Even when it doesn’t feel like it at all in the moment.) We can trust Him to know & see & understand what we can only presume to know.

What are you wrestling to surrender to Him right now?

What are you clinging to, determined not to let go?

What do you struggle trusting Him to take over?

Sometimes I’m Not So Good at Surrender

Will you be willing to pray for God to change your mind? Or, maybe start as I have to sometimes, with something like, “I don’t want to pray for You to change my mind, because I don’t want to change my mind… but help me to be willing to pray THAT at least. I know You ought to win, because You know better than me… I just don’t want You to win. Help me change that. Please forgive me & thank You that You always know better than me, even when I cannot see it one bit. Amen.”

***I have a section in the Resources & Recommendations tab on my website for “Prayers of Surrender.” If you are wrestling a certain area of life, please feel free to download one (or more) for free to print off (no strings attached, I promise) & help you to put into words the hurt you are feeling in your resistance to Surrender.***

Shine HOPE by letting God change your mind, letting Him have His way… even when you really want yours… trusting God is GOD & you are not & that everything He does or determines is ALWAYS for your good AND for His glory—Never one without the other.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for 6.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Mini Stud Set (INDIA)

DAYS OF HOPE – Limited Edition! Create safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty where vulnerable women are often exploited by sweatshops, when you purchase the Mini Stud Set. This dainty stud set from India includes the Knot Studs – a pair of studs that represent a knot, and the Crystal Studs – a pair of small, faceted crystal studs set in gold-tone prongs. These studs are perfect for everyday wear or multiple piercings. These classic studs create lasting change for families in India.

***Purchase this beautiful Mini Stud Set, using the “Shop Here” link below to empower women in India out of poverty!***

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

2025 Here We Come!

Happy almost New Year! It is SO hard to believe that I am starting yet another year with you guys on this website. How am I halfway through my SIXTH year doing this? 7 come Summer! So crazy.

Well, it’s a couple days before 2025 begins & my hubs & I have spent the last week sick. What a way to end 2024, am I right? But, actually, it’s been a little bit of a blessing in disguise because it has forced me to lay low & just rest & reset instead of trying to cram my break full of activities & projects as per usual.

God has a way of knowing just what I need, even though I don’t always see it in the moment & can feel frustrated by it. In the end, I can usually look back & think, “wow, okay, God did something good through that… who knew?”

I find that a lot of things that were unpleasant & undesirable have ended up being a blessing in disguise as well.

God Can Do What Seems Impossible to Me–Bringing Good Things Out of Hard or Undesirable Situations

Even looking back to getting grounded as a kid—yes, I got in trouble sometimes—having tv restrictions ended up being a huge blessing because it prompted me to find more creative ways to stay entertained, like learning a new hobby, doing a craft, or exploring outside & getting fresh air & sunshine. Who knew!

And I think to more recently, how, when we first moved back to Guam, our temporary apartment had no hot water—cold showers in the morning anyone? For weeks? But surprisingly, the girl who ONLY did hot showers, (once I got past the initial WHOO shock of the cold), found it to actually be quite invigorating & refreshing! Now, I actually end showers by INTENTIONALLY setting it colder & colder to get that chill ON PURPOSE because I grew to love it so much. I NEVER would have tried it had I had a choice. Who knew!

Or, when the power went out for the hundredth time after our super typhoon last year & discouragement was just sort of smacking me around because it felt like returning to normal kept repeatedly slipping out of grasp with those frequent power outages, & so, I went to take a shower in the dark, using my phone flashlight as my “candle” & it made reflections of the water droplets light up all over the bathroom like a kaleidoscope. It was beautiful! And I never would have tried it otherwise. Something unexpectedly beautiful in the aftermath of destruction. Who knew!

And even in my not realizing that my current job would be requiring daily bathroom cleaning (my least favorite chore), only to have the unexpected benefit of me getting into such a rhythm with it that now home-cleaning our bathrooms really seems like no big deal. How nice! Who knew!

Or how super hard seasons can really make you soak in & really appreciate blessings & people, when you may have otherwise grown to take them for granted….

In the Hard, We Get the Chance to See the Love of Others Lived Out

And back when I had COVID in the thick of COVID times & was forced to move into isolation apart from my husband, in a room encrusted with dried vomit & dog urine in the carpet, no tv, no food or dishes, no drinking water, rooms mostly completely bare because they were condemned for eventual tear down or remodel but then became the COVID isolation towers… on my BIRTHDAY… AND Thanksgiving… for the entire MONTH of November. We had to rely completely on the generosity of others for food or dishes or toilet paper even for a MONTH—most of it separated & only the last 5 days or so together with my husband (over Thanksgiving). And we got to see our church family aka friends come to our rescue every single day, sacrificing on our behalf… with groceries, clean water, dishes, pots, pans, baking dishes & supplies… bringing me breakfast, lunch, & dinner from favorite spots for my birthday… bringing me presents of coloring books, bath bombs, puzzles, & games for my birthday… & on Thanksgiving, they all pitched in 2 meals’ worth of a full Thanksgiving FEAST, complete with a turkey table decoration. I never would have experienced such generous LOVE from my friends without going through such a miserable experience. Who knew.

God. God Knew.

God’s ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:9). God knew. God sees what I don’t… what I can’t. He can DO what I can’t possibly do with the hard… in the hard… through the hard. God knows. We can trust Him to bring good things even in the undesirable & the uncomfortable & the unplanned misfortunes of life.

His goodness is not at all dependent on life “being good.” Thank God for that!

It’s so amazing how God can take the hard in our life & still show us something so beautiful despite of it or even because of it.

It can give you new perspective, new appreciation, & even a newfound sense of compassion toward others.

God really knows what He’s doing. Even in the hard.

What If There Is Something Better?

I know it’s really easy to pray the hard away. To pray for comfort & healing & to take all the struggles away. It’s easy for ME anyway! But what if there’s something better?

A video came across my feed on social media recently & it just really illuminated this point for me… what if God doesn’t answer to take the pain away right away nor replace it with comfort instead when you ask? What if there is something better?

That sometimes He may not answer the way you think you want because He knows that what you truly need is Him.

Even in the Hard

If you feel strength-less & weak… can you choose to trust Him as your strength?

If you feel tortured in your restlessness… can you choose to trust Him as your rest?

If you feel you have nothing left to give… can you choose to trust Him as your sufficiency?

If your life doesn’t “get better”… can you choose to trust Him as Good?

Can you trust that He can bring blessings… even IN the hard?

Can you trust beyond what you can see or feel to know Him as GOOD?

This new year of 2025 does not come with a promise of improvement… or “better”… or of ease, comfort, & “happiness.”

But, if you have trusted that Jesus has died for YOUR sins to make you right before God & you have repented of that sin you could never yourself pay, trusting Jesus as LORD over your life… you can count on this new year of 2025 coming with HIM… even in the hard. (Romans 3:23; Romans 5:8-10; Ephesians 2:8-9; Romans 10:9-10; John 14:6)

Jesus Is the Only Way to Light in the Darkness

With peace… His peace. Peace that can exist IN the storms.

With love… His love. Love that doesn’t depend on you being lovable.

With hope… His hope. Hope that doesn’t require your efforts to make it so.

With strength… His strength. Strength that doesn’t require yours.

With rest… His rest. Rest that is born through assurance that He is GOD & you are not.

With wisdom… His wisdom. Wisdom that goes beyond your understanding.

What beautiful assurances we have going into 2025. That even in the hard, we have a God Who is GOOD!

Shine HOPE in 2025!

Shine HOPE by sharing the love we have because Jesus was born as God-in-flesh to die for the sins of man, rising again victorious over sin & death. AMEN!

“The next day, John saw Jesus coming toward him, and said, “Behold! The Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!” (John 1:29) (emphasis mine)

“God sent His son, they called Him, Jesus;
He came to love, heal and forgive;
He lived and died to buy my pardon,
An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives!

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!” (lyrics from “Because He Lives” by Bill & Gloria Gaither)

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for 6.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Rescued Heart Necklace-Golden (INDIA & DOMINICAN REPUBLIC)

DAYS OF HOPE – Limited Edition! Create hope for young girls rescued from human trafficking in the Dominican Republic when you purchase the Rescued Heart Necklace. The United Nations ranks the DR as having the third-fastest growing human trafficking industry in the world. Every purchase of the Rescued Heart Necklace not only supports the artisans through the sales of their pieces, but ALSO gives $5 to Batey Rehab Project in the DR, an organization dedicated to rescuing and providing holistic care to each survivor in their care. 

*****Purchase this handcrafted necklace, using the “Shop Here” link below, to help provide safe jobs with fair wages in areas of extreme poverty where vulnerable women are often exploited by sweatshops.*****

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

We Are Never Alone in Our Suffering

Have you ever felt like no one gets you when you’re going through something hard? Like maybe you feel a physical cringe awkwardness from someone, or a subtle “back away slowly & maybe she won’t see us” type reaction or even a straightforward statement along the lines of: “you’re always so dramatic”?

Hurts doesn’t it?

You know what, sometimes I don’t get it either. Sometimes I am the insensitive one toward others because I don’t get it. And sometimes I’m the one going through it & I still don’t get why I feel as if I am suffering.

Maybe it’s my hormones out of whack or brain chemistry or just the way God made me, but boy has it spurned negative reactions toward me sometimes, even if just someone not allowing me space in their life because my sometimes seemingly unsolvable hurt weighs them down. I get it, I do–but it still hurts.

I AM Too Weak… But I Know Someone Who Isn’t…

I don’t hurt all the time. I feel fine right now, in fact. It seems to come in seasons, & no, not monthly cycle type seasons.

I’m in good company, though, I have realized. My friend once said she wondered why the Bible book of Habakkuk wasn’t more popular as it seems to be like Psalms, but so much shorter, to which I responded, “you know what, I find comfort in the fact that Psalms is so long, because I can relate to coming back to the same hurts & crying out over & over again.’

That’s why I say sometimes that I sometimes feel too weak for this world. So many people seem to think it should be easier than I find it at times. Like I just need to shake it off, toughen up, & MOVE ON.

I Don’t Need to Feel Ashamed of My Struggle… Even When I May Not Understand It

And then the whole making emotions almost “equivocal” to sin shtick. Without looking beyond the surface of how much rich, deep, LASTING emotions are depicted in the Bible, not as something to hide from or cover up or be ashamed of as the problem… but as a natural response to the world around them, recognizing that the sin only comes from what you choose to do with said emotions—as an excuse for retaliation, bitterness, isolation, unkindness, giving into temptations, etc.

But I have talked enough about that in recent posts, haven’t I? (Read some of those: “Why Are Deep Emotions So Often Equated with “Being Dramatic”?” & “Facing Big Emotions.” & “The Epidemic of Misplaced Blame.”)

Today, I don’t want to focus on how others may oftentimes respond negatively to my emotions or of those expressed by family, friends, or strangers….

Today, I want to talk about how GOD responds to our emotions & our suffering.

God Doesn’t Shy Away from Our Suffering

Did you know that God doesn’t shy away from our suffering? Even when our suffering may seem unjustifiable? There is no “prove you deserve to feel suffering so I can show compassion & offer you comfort/support.” He doesn’t operate that way with us. We don’t have to prove cause or justify any hurts to Him.

He doesn’t shy away from our suffering, no matter the cause.

He is our strong tower. (Proverbs 18:10)

We can count on Him to be right there in it with us, even if we feel tempted to beat ourselves up because we can’t seem to find or speculate a good enough reason to justify our feeling that weak.

God Is Sufficient All on His Own

I have also discovered that God doesn’t even need our loaves & fish. He doesn’t need us to first give before He can give.

In Hokkaido, I was suffering so often. The strain of living in a world in which I couldn’t communicate with others or read signs/labels, or ask questions, or make a joke to make someone smile, or connect with the world around me was so difficult.

That strain made me tired when I wasn’t tired because every small task required courage & strain & overcoming. Nothing was ever simple. Nothing was ever straightforward. Everything required strain. It was so incredibly taxing.

Even If…

I kept praying for escape. I kept praying for relief. I kept praying for EASIER to come.

It didn’t. It didn’t come… no escape… no relief… no ease from the hard.

And I responded wrongly indeed. I gave up praying for it. Every time I prayed & I didn’t get my way, seeing the constant challenging strain remain & remain & keep on remaining… I stopped praying. Because praying meant reaching out to God, Him not pulling me out of the suffering, & my bitterness growing toward Him. So I withdrew from asking Him anymore because I hated feeling guilty being mad at God.

That was wrong. Wrong because He was still my only hope in my suffering. Wrong because I didn’t get my way, but He could still make a way. I wanted my way—end the suffering—or no way.

That was wrong.

God Worked through Me Even When I Was FAR from Worthy

That wrong got worse. That lack of praying about it turned indeed toward bitterness. Almost a, “why bother asking You—You’re not going to help me anyway, as You have clearly demonstrated.”

I still talked to Him daily, throughout each day—just not about my suffering anymore. I still felt Him patiently there with me. But I had my arms crossed & my nose turned up at Him when it came to a point of suffering with the hard that remained in my life.

And you know what? I WAS suffering. I then had a bratty attitude of my way ONLY. I responded wrongly. I disrespected & dishonored Him in my response to His allowing me to remain in my suffering. I did wrong.

But He remained anyway.

God’s Faithfulness–Thank God–Does Not Rely on My Faithfulness

I had nothing to give Him. Not even a willing heart was I willing to give Him.

But He remained anyway.

I essentially spat at Him, ignored Him, yelled at Him, was bitter with Him. Was a terrible friend. A belligerent daughter. A disrespectful child.

But He remained anyway.

I wasn’t trying to act like I had it all together enough to not scare His help away. I wasn’t trying to sugarcoat my suffering so He wouldn’t back away from me. I wasn’t feigning “okay-ness” so He would stay. I wasn’t forcing a smile or fake niceness. I was outright about it… honest… rude even.

But He remained anyway.

He was faithful when I was not. He was kind when I was not. He stayed when I left. He held on when I let go. He didn’t give up on me even after I gave up on Him.

He remained anyway.

God doesn’t shy away from our suffering.

Beauty from the Ashes

God taught me such beautiful things throughout those 3 years alongside a strong testament to His faithfulness against all odds.

He taught me that I don’t have to be enough for Him because He is enough for both of us.

He taught me that my spiritual gifting is not of my deserving but of His choice in how HE works through me despite my undeserving. He helped others through me in all of my wretchedness because people would come to me with a question & I would roll my eyes in my mind & inwardly pray to Him something like: “Ok God, well I guess that’s You. What do You want me to say? You’re up.” And He would give me the exact right thing out of nowhere & the person with the question would gush how they had been praying for months & my response was the “AHA!” moment missing piece & I would just flatline smile & just point up as if to be like, “that’s Him, not me, but glad it helped.”

I had nothing to give Him. I was no longer trying my best to be the perfect Jesus-follower… & yet, He remained.

He proved that His faithfulness to me is not dependent on ANYTHING I can offer Him.

So much humility was born from that period of suffering. That I can act so wretchedly bratty & disrespectful & be so bitter & angry with Him… & yet, He remained.

God Is Abundantly Sufficient in ALL Things–He Is LOVE

There is nothing I can offer God to add to what He already has in infinite supply. He is sufficient in & of Himself, even when I have nothing left of any good to offer Him.

Even if I respond wrongly. Even if it’s my fault. Even when I give up on Him.

He remains.

“Love suffers long [is patient] and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails….” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a)

“He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” (1 John 4:8)

He Is Our Strong Tower

He is our strong tower. He is our refuge & our strength. He is our ever-present help in times of trouble. (Proverbs 18:10; Psalm 46; Psalm 91)

Even when the storm doesn’t end. He remains.

Even when the suffering doesn’t end. He remains.

Even when we don’t get the relief we yearn so desperately for. He remains.

He comforts. He holds our head up. He holds us in His hand. He protects. He sustains. He gives peace when peace can seem impossible. He is sufficient in our sufferings. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4; John 14:16; Isaiah 66:13a; Lamentations 3:22-23; Psalm 3:3; Isaiah 41:10-13; Psalm 55:22; Isaiah 46:4; Philippians 4:6-7; 2 Corinthians 12:9; 2 Corinthians 3:5; Ephesians 3:20-21)

I Can Count on God, Even When I Cannot Count on Myself

Even when no one understands. Even when no one “gets it.” Even when everyone backs away from you. Even when people don’t think your problem warrants how much it hurts you. Even if others judge you. Even if you get criticized for being “too sensitive.” Even if everyone deserts you.

Even if the suffering remains.

Even if.

He remains. He is faithful. He is enough. He IS your strength. He gives peace. He loves you. He REMAINS.

Shine HOPE by demonstrating the type of REMAINING faithfulness God demonstrates toward us—even when we don’t think they deserve it… because I sure didn’t—but He still remained. We don’t have to understand someone’s pain to be compassionate toward them.

(***Read past posts about God in our suffering: “Where Is God When I’m Suffering?” “Pain & Suffering… & God’s Answers through Them” “Countering Specific Doubts with Truth (Part 3)-Pain & Suffering” “A Quick Encouragement on Finding Hope When Suffering Doesn’t Seem to Stop” “Rare, Beautiful Opportunities… in the Midst of Our Deepest Hurts & Struggles” ***)

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for 6.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Starlit Joy Ornament Set (INDIA)

This ornament set is created by women working to fight child marriage by creating safe jobs with fair wages in areas of extreme poverty where vulnerable women are often exploited. Each set includes two gold and white beaded ornaments – a “joy” and a star-shaped ornament. Adorn your tree with this classic look that has a big impact!

***Purchase this beautiful & cheery handmade set, using the “Shop Here” link below, & empower women in India out of poverty!***

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

How Rude

People can be so rude sometimes, can’t they? And it can really be so annoying.

Sometimes they even do it on PURPOSE because they want to “stir up stuff” & “make things interesting.” (And sometimes I feel like throat-punching those people for it when I see them enjoying the pain they cause.) Doesn’t happen often, but when it does… oof… LORD help me.

Sometimes people are reckless, careless, thoughtless, distracted, oblivious, rude, unkind, uncaring, etc.

And sometimes I don’t feel very loving in return, when those scenarios present themselves to me.

But, God calls us to something impossible…. To love them. To pray for them. To SERVE them. To not retaliate, (even when our comeback is so good it is SURE to slap them back into their place). (Matthew 5:44; Luke 6:27-36; 1 Peter 3:9; Romans 12:19)

And This Is REALLY Good News

The good news is, He doesn’t expect that to come naturally to us. He doesn’t expect us to just jump up & say, “time to love them!” He knows more than anyone how hard it is for us to love someone like that, in our humanly fleshly-ness. And we can KNOW we don’t need to try on our own because there’s absolutely nothing we can add to what Jesus gave.

The good news is… He will HELP us to respond rightly—IF we’re willing to submit to His help versus, “Let me handle this, God!”

I don’t know about you, but the “Let me handle this, God!” feeling comes pretty easily for me & I have to be careful to bow that down & instead say, “Okay, You handle this… because if I do it, I know I won’t handle it in a way that You’d like. Lord, please help me.”

So, first step is knowing He can/will help if we submit our way bowed for His help in its place….

Care More About the Person Than the Hurt

Second is something so hard to do sometimes—caring more about the person than the hurt they may have caused you… in other words—loving them the way that Jesus loved us when He silently, willingly condescended Himself on the cross for OUR sins. (Isaiah 53–it is SO hard for me to read this chapter without crying & the prison ministry ladies got to witness this firsthand in my recent lesson about God’s JUSTICE.)

He had full right to leave us to our deserved destination—Hell.

He had full right to say, “well, that’s on them… I told them not to eat of the tree, they did it anyway… I told them right from wrong, they did wrong anyway… I told them how to get clean through sacrificial offerings, they did wrong anyway. That is on them.”

But He didn’t do that, did He? He didn’t say that, did He?

NO—He sent His only Son, Jesus Christ, to die in our place. To SUFFER & die in our place. So that if we trust on HIS sacrifice on OUR behalf, we have the right to Heaven—not even based on our own merit or deserving, but HIS! (John 1:12; Isaiah 53; Ephesians 2:8-9; Romans 3:23; Romans 5:8; John 3:16-17)

Don’t ever try to justify or minimize your wrongs. Don’t try to act like you didn’t need much, just a little push. You were WRETCHED in your sin. HOPELESS. Helpless. You could never pay your debt, or even HOPE to.

So HE paid it.

FOR you.

Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow

He left HIS throne in Heaven.

Left HIS impenetrable body for an earthly, fleshy one.

Left HIS Kingdom for a world that despised & rejected Him & did not treat Him with the reverence & humble respect He deserved as the One Who MADE us & this WORLD.

For YOU.

You know, a funny thing happens the longer you’re a Christian (aka Christ-follower)—you become even more humbled by a greater perspective of how undeserving you really are of what Jesus gave for you.

It’s like, early on, it’s easier to sort of justify or sugarcoat with your “good or innocent” intentions. But the longer you follow & submit to Him, the more it becomes visible how completely despicable you really actually are.

I think because you see Him show up for you & remain faithful to you over & over & over again, while you simultaneously see yourself mess it all up over & over & over again.

And yet, the reality of the grace of the cross becomes richer & sweeter & more appreciated each time.

It’s truly so incredibly humbling. The love you feel from Him becomes more obvious & so much more real to you the longer you live submitted to Him.

That Is How We Are to Love Other People in Their Undeserving

I don’t deserve… He gave Himself anyway.

And that is the way we are to love other people. To care more about the person than the hurt.

To realize Jesus paid for them, too. And it was wretched & it was truly awful what they did—but Jesus paid for it, too.

This doesn’t mean you plaster on a fake smile, stuff down your wrath, & PRETEND.

This means admitting ALL the hurt to God, just dumping it all out on Him (He can more than handle whatever you’ve got), cry, bang your fists on the wall, in private, if you need to (just make sure to direct the fists AWAY from the person’s face). But lay it down to Him & say to God something like:

“God, why did they DO that?!? I want to hurt them back! I want them to feel what I feel! I want them to feel sorry & apologize & right their wrong! It hurt so BAD & I am SO angry!!!! But God, please keep me from dishonoring You with my response. Help me to trust You over myself with this because I just want to take care of it how I feel is best, but I know I can’t trust myself to do that without sinning against You in the process, so please give me the grace beyond myself to love them the way that You do, to be an extension of the love You have for them. Empower me to love them on Your behalf & to represent Your grace through Jesus Christ to them—to care more about the person than the hurt. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

Let GOD Love Them through You

Loving like Jesus is impossible—because we’re not God-in-flesh.

But the good news is that the Holy Spirit in us, for those who have trusted on Jesus for their sin before God, abides in us & will give us the inner strength, the words, & the grace to respond in a way that honors & pleases God versus satisfying our rightful wrath—IF we’re willing to submit to that help.

The offender may indeed, for sure deserve our wrath… but God calls us to trust the wrath to God & to let Him love them through us, with His help.

It’s not natural & it sure is not easy.

But don’t worry—God doesn’t expect it to come naturally for us—that’s why HE is our supply—if we let Him be in that moment.

So, shine HOPE by learning to care more about the person than the hurt, by submitting your hurts to God for His help in your response, & by thus loving others in the same way that God demonstrated His own love toward us, through JESUS CHRIST His Son.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for 6.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Cozy Cottage Ornament (NEPAL)

HOLIDAY EDITION – While supplies last! Create safe jobs with fair wages for the women in Nepal who handcraft the Cozy Cottage Ornament through this dignified partnership. Display this darling ornament with intricate details on your Christmas Tree along with all your favorite holiday décor! This ornament features a slit pocket on the back, a convenient way to fit gift cards!

***Purchase this cute handmade ornament, using the “Shop Here” link below, & invest in the lives of women in Nepal for a brighter tomorrow.***

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

God Is Greater Still

God is so patient with us, isn’t He? And so humble about it.

Of anyone, He alone has full right to be arrogant, & yet… His character can be defined by the purest humility.

How He (Jesus) willingly left the glories of Heaven to be born as a man, in all of our fleshly-ness, & be rejected by those He created… to be beaten & killed by them… to serve them. What a wonderful God we serve.

He loved me when I rejected Him. He died for me while I was still a sinner (Romans 5:8).

And yes, I get that He died many years before I was born, but the fact remains that He did it for me, it was finished & made available to me before I even accepted it.

His love came first.

His Love Secures

And He didn’t stay dead. He rose again, victorious over that sin of mine. He paid in FULL.

Because of that–all of my falling short… I can be assured is paid for already, too.

I miss the mark every day. I fall short every day. I am not unaware of my many shortcomings & even failures.

But He gave His life for that, so I could live in & claim freedom despite my sinful flesh ever-screaming for control in my life.

His love secures.

Keep My Focus

I can’t tell you how often I am tempted to live as pleasing to men (humanity)… to look better according to what they seem to believe I should be like… to fit the mold better.

I will say that even on my darkest days, where heaviness rests on me like a wet, weighted blanket… I can feel God holding my hand in it & through it. I can see He is at work, even though I can’t sometimes see the work. I can feel secure when my life doesn’t feel secure. I can feel grounded when the ground seems to crumble beneath me.

Because my hope is not secured to things going my way, to me feeling emotionally stable, to me feeling like my world is going right.

My hope is secured to the One Who loved me before I knew to love Him.

I Don’t Enjoy Pain, but I Can Rest in the One Who Holds Me through It

Do I selfishly long for the pain to stop on my hard days? Do I selfishly wish I never had to feel weak ever again? Oh, certainly YES!

But I am human. I can expect to feel weak... to come to the end of myself.

But His mercies are new every morning. He keeps showing up. His sufficiency remains when mine depletes.

I want so desperately to rely on my storehouse, my provision, what I can SEE. I want to feel in control.

My Daily Sufficiency–His Mercies Are New Every Morning

And sometimes I feel like the Israelites in the desert, craving to take in more than what God provides each day so I can rely on MYSELF.

But God wants me to see that I don’t need that flimsy hope… That it is just a mirage anyway. That I can’t (& don’t need to) depend on myself as my hope.

His daily bread supplies my need. His new-every-morning mercies supply my need.

I don’t need to feel strong, but to rely on HIS strength to supply my need.

I don’t need to feel liked or approved or seen, but to fix my focus on living to please & honor HIM.

His mercies are new every morning.

A Foggy Brain… But a Sufficient God

Last week, I talked about what I have learned working in prison ministry… how I am on the schedule now to teach this new segment on God’s JUSTICE. (Read that post: “Us vs. Them? What I’ve Learned in Prison Ministry.”)

Well, I have been practicing my lesson (& more importantly, PRAYING over it) since August, when I had the potential to begin teaching. And now it is NOVEMBER. (We have to remain flexible with prison ministry because sometimes they’re all-hands-on-deck & cannot accommodate us coming or weather prevents it, & so on.)

So, lots of months preparing for, praying over, & practicing one lesson… just in case… but when I went to finally teach it this past Thursday, my mind was foggy & tired after a very long & hectic day.

My Preparations Failed Me… But He Didn’t

Worried I couldn’t quite find my words like I had practiced so much already, I wondered how I was going to get through it successfully & was feeling disheartened that my much practice was seeming insufficient in my time of tired brain.

So, I prayed about it. I asked God to tell me what to do… how to get through it. And I also prayed: “God, if part of Your plan is to show me as fumbling & ill-prepared despite my MONTHS of preparation because You want to show Yourself somehow through my weakness… then so be it. Just let me be faithful to Your plan in this, even if it ends up making ME look bad. AMEN.”

I don’t know how it appeared to them, but to me, my brain fog seemed to get in the way. And that’s okay. God doesn’t need me to be perfect. He needs me to show up & do my best & let HIM take care of the rest.

Because really, it’s not about ME looking good—but about bringing HIM glory.

Let Him be Seen in Your Weakness

And sometimes, in our weakness, others can see—“oh, maybe her life isn’t all perfect & maybe she’s not doing this because she’s so great at it… maybe she chose to do this not for THOSE reasons but because this is really important to her to share about this God… this JESUS.”

I don’t know… I’m just speculating… but I know that even if I don’t come off as all that great… my job is not to come off as all that great anyway. My job is to show how great HE is… not me.

His love for them matters more than how good I look telling them about it.

I want to be willing to look a fool, to show Him as my supply, as my sufficiency, as my HOPE. To show it’s all Him.

Do You Know JESUS? Do You Promote Him or Yourself as Your Sufficiency with Your Actions?

Where in your life are you desperately feeling the need to LOOK LIKE you have it all together? To LOOK LIKE your life is swell at all times versus promoting God as your sufficiency in your lack? To rely on YOUR storehouse versus God’s provision?

And do you know Jesus? Because He is the key. God says, in the Bible, that Jesus is THE way, THE truth, & THE life… & that NO ONE comes to God except through HIM (John 14:6).

Are you praying & feeling unheard? Are you wanting peace that never comes? Are you wishing you felt hope secured but your life always feels unsteady? You need to know Jesus. He is the KEY.

He ALONE can make you right with God because He ALONE can pay your debt for your shortcomings before God. Do you know Jesus? Do you promote HIM as your hope?

Shine HOPE by being willing to look a fool for Him… by showing up & pointing to Him, even if you don’t feel you look your best… by letting His glory shine through the cracks of your imperfections… & by allowing Him to be your daily sufficiency in all things.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for 6.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

White Doodle Ornament (NEPAL)

HOLIDAY EDITION – While supplies last–(also available in red & black doggos)! Create safe jobs with fair wages for the women in Nepal who handcraft the White Doodle Ornament through this dignified partnership. Adorn your Christmas tree with an adorable White Doodle Pup crafted using 100% wool and traditional wool crafting techniques that have been passed down for generations.

(***Purchase this cute handmade ornament, using the “Shop Here” link below & empower women in Nepal out of poverty!***) 

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

My Ways Are Not God’s Ways

I had a plan for my blog today. I have been writing & editing in my head a lot of today, preparing for the time when I would sit down & let the words flow as I typed them out for you. But then… I go to do it & nothing is coming out quite right. Everything is falling flat. It all feels forced, like it’s not what God has for me to say today & yet I am trying to make it happen anyway.

So, here I am… an hour later… starting over with no plan.

Well, God, what do You have for me to say today?

A Trigger I Didn’t See Coming

I have been attending the Monday evening ladies Bible Study at my church—which I need to leave for in a little over an hour as I sit with this almost blank page in front of me now & a blog post deadline in 3.5 hours.

The topic of this Bible Study has been “Emotions“—& to be honest, I have been tempted to just stop attending—not because I think I know everything on this topic & therefore don’t need help with this… quite the contrary—but because I have felt it sometimes over-simplifies the topic maybe in a way that triggers me, quite frankly.

Why does it trigger me, you might ask…. Because of the large amount of negative responses I have received in my lifetime dealing with my own personal big emotions. People have not always seemed to respond well to them, unless of course, the emotions felt “understandable.”

As per my last blog post: “Why Are Deep Emotions So Often Equated with “Being Emotional,” you can probably see it has stirred some frustrations in me. But it has also given me a newfound confidence I haven’t really known before—embracing my lifelong, “sometimes feels like a curse, but now realize the true bring-me-to-Jesus-reminder blessing it can be”—“emotional-ness.”

There Is a Difference

The book just honestly reminds me of some naivety I had after my time with deep depression for 2 years back in high school. Almost a high, if you will, of “this happened to me, but God taught me through it & now I’m all good as long as I can hold on to this thing I learned!” As if… fix it & you won’t have to feel hard feelings anymore–maybe that’s not what she intended… but you have to be careful of where the line is drawn between addressing the emotions themselves & the idea of allowing them to be used as an excuse for sin–because there is a difference. Emotions don’t equal sin.

Now, sometimes she does distinguish between emotions & the spirals that can potentially follow, but a lot of times it just seems to lump all together as just emotions seeming to almost be the enemy–which, they aren’t.

Hence last week’s topic.

I Want to Allow Myself Permission to be Emotional

You know, being emotional can actually be a really beautiful thing. Aside from it serving as a prodding reminder of my very real & constant need for something outside of myself–AKA Jesus, it also allows me to more fully engage with the world around me, to soak it up & to experience it more vividly.

But it can also be uncomfortable… & make other people feel uncomfortable. And because of this, I learned to hide my emotions… to pretend… to feel them when I am alone only… to never let people see me cry.

But now, I look at someone break down in tears & fall into the embrace of someone they love & trust, willing to be vulnerable & weak with someone whom they know cares for them & I just think—“I want to have the courage to believe someone would let me do that, without judgment & not have to feel it alone.”

Emotions Aren’t the Enemy–Our Wrong Responses Are

Emotions have long been made out to be the bad guy. I hear things like, “you are always so emotional…” “stop being so dramatic…” etc. But feeling deeply is not wrong–unless used as an excuse for wrong.

I get that some people may use strong emotions because they’re starving for attention & that’s the only way they know how to get it. I know that some people may decide it’s easier to trust Satan’s lies & move further away from God & deeper into a spiral. I know some people will lash out at others & blame “that time of the month” as an excuse. But emotions don’t MAKE you do those things… You have a choice in how you respond to your emotions–even though your right response may not guarantee said emotions away.

Sometimes I Feel When I Feel I Have No Real Reason to Feel

I’m asked why oh why do I feel so strongly about something that’s not even really that big of a deal… & sometimes… I feel deep heaviness on my heart with no recognizable reason to offer as good reason for it.

I have had times, even without the extra time-of-the-month hormones at work, where I feel deep heavy sadness almost… like a heavy weight on me… & I don’t even know WHY. Like, I can search my heart & thoughts & not come up with a single thing stressing me out or worrying me or hurting me & yet it hurts SO MUCH anyway. Makes zero sense to me. And yet… is.

And people want an answer. They want a justification. It makes it easier to understand… to maybe be able to help…. Maybe they’re wondering if I am just being dramatic “again”?

I don’t know.

But in those times, I can have sobs flowing out, with no cause I can see for the heaviness weighing on me, & I talk to God in it. I ask Him for help. I ask Him to help me keep trusting Him in it even it He chooses not to remove it. I remind myself that God never allows anything without a good reason—for my good & His glory. That I can trust Him even when the hurt doesn’t stop. I ask for His peace & comfort & to feel His presence in the heavy hurts. And He does answer in those ways.

I Can’t Always Pray the Pain Away

It’s hard because it takes continual surrender when it doesn’t ease up after prayer. I want more of a 1. feel pain (or just not even have 1.), 2. pray about it & remember Biblical Truth, 3. it eases up & I move on. Instead, when I am emotional, 3. doesn’t come. The pain stays. And I have to keep laying it down at His feet & keep drawing from His strength instead of the satisfaction of feeling my own return to me. That is HARD. That continual surrender versus removal of the pain is HARD.

Does He remain faithful to provide strength that isn’t my own? To give me impossible peace while the pain is still hurting me? To comfort me as it continues to weigh heavy on my heart? Yes, every single time–He is FAITHFUL to me–but I have to be willing to KEEP COMING TO HIM IN IT. And that is HARD.

The longing is to pray the pain away, when sometimes God wants us to trust Him to be sufficient while the pain remains.

The Key Is to KEEP Coming to Him

I don’t disagree with a lot that the aforementioned author of our study recommends, in needing to renew our minds with God’s Word—the Bible, with needing to retrain our focus by remembering we have a choice, with remembering to turn to God in our struggles, with knowing emotions don’t need to lead to spirals–in fact, I talk about some of that in a previous post: “Understanding Depression with Discernment.”

But we must be careful to distinguish between emotions themselves & the spirals &/or sin they can bring if we’re not careful.

“Be Angry & Do Not Sin”

It is very true that feeling big usually brings with it a weakness for succumbing to the easy-to-believe lies of Satan, telling us to doubt God & turn away from Him, telling us to dishonor God, disrespect Him, or disobey Him because of how we’re feeling… telling us to lash out at others in them.

The verse: “Be angry & do not sin,” (Ephesians 4:26) comes to mind because it’s this picture of feeling the way you feel, but not allowing it to stand as an excuse for hurting yourself, God, or others… aka SIN.

Sometimes God Allows the Pain to Remain So You & Others May See His Strength in Place of Your Own

I also think of Paul’s thorn in his side—that he prayed for God to remove & God responded with: “My grace is sufficient for you.” (2 Corinthians 12:7-10) God allowed the pain to remain. And Paul understood that in seasons of pain, they could also be opportunities to shine God’s strength when he felt he had little to none–in his weaknesses, infirmities, reproaches, needs, persecutions, & distresses.

I have felt that in so many of my dark seasons. As if God is allowing this heavy dark cloud to follow me everywhere I go & when I pray for it to leave, it’s almost as if God is very gently telling me, “no.”

I Know This & Yet…

And I have spiraled. I have doubted God loved me. I have tried to solve it my own way.

But I have also submitted to Him in it. I have learned from it. I have seen God use it to bring me closer to Him, to teach me something that I had long asked Him about, to demonstrate to others how to turn to them in their own weaknesses & pain.

I have trusted He had a plan even when I could not see it. I have trusted He loves me even when the pain will not leave. I have trusted that God would not waste the hurts He was letting me experience.

I have seen God WORK in them. And BE MY SUFFICIENCY.

He did not leave me. He did not forsake me. He is the Potter & I am but the clay.

We’re All Learning–God’s Not Finished with Me Yet

So, yes, this Bible study book we’re reading, in its sometimes naïve over-simplification of emotions as the culprit versus the poor responses to said emotions, has irked me to no end on some days as I work through it… but it has forced me to face up to all the negative reactions I have received over the years of my life… to embrace that I am not ashamed for being emotional & I no longer want to allow anyone convince me that I ought to be.

If God wants me to be poured out so that He may be magnified… to God be the glory. AMEN.

Shine HOPE by determining to KEEP turning to God in your hurts, refusing to allow them to be used as excuses for sin… & by giving intentional grace to those who feel things you don’t think are justifiable or things you don’t understand… letting God, in all things, be glorified.

God can handle those big emotions just fine, my dear, so keep turning to Him in them each & every time.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for SIX years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Champagne Vine Earrings (INDIA)

LIMITED EDITION – Available While Supplies Last! The Champagne Vine Earrings are crafted in a workshop committed to fighting child marriage and creating dignified jobs for women in India. These detailed, champagne colored fringe earrings are hand beaded and feature a delicate vine design beaded in black seed beads.  

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

I Don’t Need Fixing

Why is having strong emotions so often equated with being dramatic?

Being emotional is often seen as a bad thing that needs fixing. Being emotional is often seen as a result of lacking faith. Being emotional is often considered a weakness.

Coming from someone with lifelong deep emotions… what a sad & incomplete understanding of emotions.

Emotions Can Tempt Wrongs… But They Can Only Tempt

The Bible is written with such rich emotions, even by male authors, no less, so why has it so commonly been twisted into such a strong conviction by certain people that strong emotions are wrong & should be avoided or squashed?

I get that there is always the fear of cultivating emotion-led faith, where you serve God mainly because you feel a spiritual high, versus serving Him the same regardless of how you are feeling, but that doesn’t make feeling… bad.

I think maybe because emotions make us vulnerable & feeling vulnerable is not always too pleasant. And, more notably, that vulnerability can set us up for attack. We can be tempted to doubt God… we can be tempted to dwell on the cause of the emotions versus turning to God in them… we can be tempted to give into despair… we can be tempted to react in sin—lashing out or blaming God or avoiding obedience to God… or growing a bad attitude. They can TEMPT us to shut down & grow bitter, but only can they tempt.

How Worship-Evoking It Can Be to Feel So Weak

But it’s not wrong to feel. It’s not even wrong to feel deeply. It’s not wrong to allow yourself that deep vulnerability of weakness.

In fact, what a worship-evoking thing it has the great potential to be… what a spur to pray & seek the riches of God’s Word…. What a blessing it can be to feel that very real need so deeply to your core—a reminder that you require something more than yourself.

Setting a Good Example Doesn’t Mean Having It Together All the Time

I get it. We want to feel “on our feet.” We want to feel strong & capable. We want to “be a good example.” We want to appear okay. We don’t want to feel so needy (as needy as we truly are).

But, as I say often about planning community church events, a good testimony is not necessarily that you ensure nothing ever goes wrong, but rather your response if something does go wrong.

So, we quote Scripture at emotions (reminding yourself of Truth in big emotions is a healthy habit, but it does not guarantee emotions away). We stuff it. We hide it. We pretty it up. We pretend. Or maybe we have just gotten so good at not letting ourselves feel it at all.

So, we try to find ways to avoid feeling so deeply… avoid feeling so out of control… avoid feeling so vulnerable.

Sometimes the Pain Is Unnamed

But sometimes the weight I feel has no name. It’s not from overthinking or from anxiety or from anything at all in particular. Just weight. And you know what—it feels good to let myself cry. I feel relieved. It pushes me to pray & let God sit with me in it, to give me peace despite the struggle.

I have gone through such intense spiritual attacks in certain seasons of my life, that I wanted to die because it felt like someone had taken about 20 weighted blankets & dropped them over my soul, like I was suffocating, but yet I was very aware of God still being in full control, whether He chose to leave the weight there or remove it. Crying from the pain, while praising God that I knew He somehow had a plan in the pain. So, personally, I saw that my deep, painful emotions were not present with sin–but yet they remained.

Let’s Not Assume More Than the Text Is Saying

I think we can look at stories like when everyone was freaking out on the boat in the storm as Jesus sleeps, seeing Him awake & rebuke the wind & waves to stillness & then rebuking the men for their lack of faith & think—“this must mean I should never feel struggle because it means I am worthy of rebuking for my own lack of faith.” But their problem in that storm wasn’t emotion—it was fearing the storm/natural occurrence more than the God Who controls those. God wasn’t implying a blanket rebuke against strong emotions here. (Mark 4:35-41)

Aside from seeing such rich emotions present in Scripture (the Bible), I know, from personal experience, how deep, rich emotions can be present with a very obvious lack of sin—aka, no continued dwelling on it or overthinking in place of prayer, no wanting to distrust God…. Just… pain.

Job Felt Deep Pain after Experiencing Deep Loss

“Then Job arose, tore his robe, and shaved his head; and he fell to the ground and worshiped. And he said:

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb and naked shall I return there. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

In all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong.” Job 1:20-22

That is not an expression of calm, lacking emotion. He tore his clothes it hurt so much. He felt the hurt & full weight of it, he felt strong emotions, but determined to praise God IN his hurt.

Is It Only Acceptable When We Can “Adequately” Justify It?

And I think people understand when it’s something that seems reasonable: lose a loved one—grief, someone gets attacked—hurt, seeing an orphan—pain. If it makes sense to people, it seems acceptable, but only if you can justify WHY you feel so strongly. Only then. And sometimes only for as long as someone may feel it is appropriate.

And like that day in my car with my rhetorical 20 weighted blankets, not understanding at all why I felt such pain in my spirit, but feeling it so strongly, crying in private because I knew I wouldn’t be able to understand it enough to “justify” it to someone else… I knew God was right there in it with me, holding me together despite how much it hurt. He had me even when the pain didn’t stop or let up. He saw me, He knew my pain, He didn’t need me to justify it to wrap me in His compassion & love. To hold me. To be my CAN when I just couldn’t.

Do We Vet Deep Emotions before We’re Willing to Show Compassion?

Why do we feel the need to believe a feeling is worth feeling in order to be in the storm with someone? To love them by their side through it?

Not just “giving them a verse to think on” because you feel they’re being dramatic or maybe overreacting… but holding them through it even when it doesn’t make any sense to you or doesn’t seem a “level of emotional” that is justifiable in that moment.

As if we have to vet it as worthy of not “just being dramatic,” in order for it deserve our care & compassion?

Is it because it’s inconvenient? Uncomfortable? We don’t know how to fix what we can’t define? It doesn’t wrap up as nicely as we would like?

Why don’t we try just loving anyway? Repenting even–of our felt need to approve compassion….

Weakness Isn’t a Bad Thing… It’s a Reality

Emotions are vulnerable. They can make us feel really weak. But maybe that weakness isn’t so bad after all.

And maybe some of us are just weaker than others (I certainly feel I am because I feel so much when others seem to think I shouldn’t need to)… who feel more deeply than you do, so that it may not make sense to you, but is what it is, regardless of whether it makes sense.

I used to feel like my strong emotions were a curse. I used to beg that curse away. But, as I got older & was praying through one season of deep emotional pain I couldn’t explain away… I asked God, “Why did You make me this way? Why do I have to have the curse? I just want it to stop. Please–why?!?” And I felt a soft answer over my heart in the form of dawning understanding that in all those years with seasons of such deep hurting, they have made me live with constant recognition of my very real need of Him… always drawing me back to seek Him… to rely on Him instead of myself… that those heavy emotions were not at all a curse, but a very rich, beautiful BLESSING.

How Do You Respond?

How you respond to deep emotions is what matters. Don’t let that weakness make you pull back from or deny God. Don’t let it tempt you to use it as an excuse to avoid doing right. Don’t let it have power of you, but trust God to be your enough IN it.

Let that weakness draw you into the arms of Jesus… to wake you up to the needs & hurts of those around you, to show compassion… to be a light that even in the darkness, God is the light & He can be your sufficiency even when you feel none of your own.

Let those tears fall. Release the tension. And let it spur you to worship the God Who is enough even when you are not.

The Problem Is Not Emotions… But in Not Dealing with Them in a Healthy, God-Honoring Way

We need to maybe stop demonizing heavy emotions & start embracing them in a HEALTHY, God-pleasing way!

So many years of demonizing strong emotions & the problems that come from them are usually because the solution taught has so often been—“stop being dramatic…” instead of “let them help you better recognize & understand your very real need for God, through Jesus… & use them to point others to His strength as your enough in your weakness. Use them to glorify God!”

Draw near to Him in them!

Fix your focus on Truth!

Cling to Him as your help & hope!

Use them to proclaim His glory! His strength in your weakness!

All glory be to God Almighty, God of Heaven & Earth! God Who made us to feel as a way to engage in the world around us. Praise God in the storm!

Teach Them Not–“Conceal, Don’t Feel”

If you have a child who has deep emotions, don’t teach them to fear, mask, cover up, or avoid them (even the boys because boys are allowed to feel!)… teach them to engage with those emotions in a healthy, God-honoring way, as a tool to help them remember their need of God (to pray & to seek Him) & as an opportunity to see & show how God can be our enough when we can’t be.

There are so many verses in the Bible that call us to compassion, to bearing with one another in love, to bearing each other’s burdens, to loving one another, to showing grace… let us keep THOSE verses in mind when someone is bearing a burden we can’t see &/or don’t understand.

Grace upon grace, emulating the love & care of Jesus Christ in how we treat one another in those deep emotions that may make little sense to us.

And in those deep emotions, may it be a living reminder of your very real need for more than yourself… drawing you into the ever-loving care of Jesus.

Shine HOPE by turning to God in your deep emotions… by not allowing them to control or tempt you… by being a light for God’s strength in your weakness… by showing compassion to others facing emotions we don’t understand… & by teaching the next generation how to feel deeply in a way that leads them back to HIM as their HOPE.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for SIX years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Tarra Lantern Set (INDIA)

Support families in areas of extreme poverty in India, empowering them to end poverty cycles for their families, send their kids to school, and earn fair wages for their work through your purchase of the Tarra Lanterns. Display this set of ethically made gold lanterns beautifully with their star cut outs! The lanterns are open at the top to easily add a candle, light, or any other decor.

***Purchase this unique handcrafted set, using the “Shop Here” link below to empower these artisan women in India out of poverty!***

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

Personal Boundaries Are Good… But…

I have talked recently how there was a time in my life where I moved to a new place & everyone seemed to be singing to the same tune & I felt out of place, like I didn’t belong & didn’t fit in because I “didn’t know the words.”

It was a Christian culture cultivated to help set boundaries for the staff, in order to represent Jesus well—in other words, the intentions were in the right place, I believe, but because I didn’t grow up under these same boundaries & rules, I automatically felt noticeably different from everyone… like I didn’t fit.

On top of that, I did, unfortunately, meet some judgement from a select few who had taken those boundaries to another level—almost as if it defined them personally as being a good Christian because they grew up within these boundaries—it sort of became an unrecognized, subtle self-righteousness where it was sometimes a little too easy to look down on someone’s standing with God if they didn’t follow these same boundaries.

And because they were fellow Christians & I trusted THEIR faith to be sincere, I began to question my OWN faith & whether it was sincere “enough” to make me a “good Christian.”

Happy Plastic People–The Pressures to Seem Perfect

Have you ever been a part of a church & you felt like you just could not measure up because everyone was always happy, always perfect? … While you felt like the hot mess express? That’s been me.

I don’t know why we feel so much pressure to show up with everything already figured out, as if we have it together all the time if we want to be considered a “good” Christian, as if you didn’t just yell at your kids in the car on the way to church. (I don’t have kids, but I can definitely relate to the general idea.)

And the unspoken expectation for leadership to always appear perfect? What an unfair, impossible standard. I have always been friends with many in leadership, from working as a Sunday School teacher or Bible study leader alongside my former youth pastor, to being the church secretary & spending most days learning from & chatting with our pastor, to being close friends with a pastor & his wife in Japan. And let me tell you–they are no closer to perfection than any of us. They are human, too.

Why is there so much pressure to seem perfect? To be happy plastic people?

Do You Too Feel Ashamed of Your Struggles Sometimes?

I have actually felt ASHAMED of weakness before. As if my struggle made me less of a Christian. As if I needed to hide it & cover it up so that no one would find out.

I don’t want my faith questioned.

But then, I have been reading the Bible every day for years now & I notice a pattern—the rough parts, the bad decisions, the moments of faith lacking… they aren’t sugarcoated in the Bible at all. They’re told, & used, to point people to where our TRUE strength, wisdom, confidence, grace, & HOPE come from—GOD, through Jesus Christ!

Their weaknesses exposed, their doubts are talked about, their mistakes are displayed, their decisions to trust themselves in place of God are discussed in detail… dumpster fire aftermath included.

Even the Ones We Put on Pedestals

Even the big heroes of the faith who are used as examples for us to follow made huge mistakes…sometimes knowingly—even them!

David, a man after God’s own heart—lusted, acted on it, & had her husband killed to cover it up, then DID NOT repent right away until confronted about it much later.

Jonah straight up RAN, even though it says he KNEW the people would turn from their wickedness back to God if he obeyed.

Abraham slept with his wife’s servant, at her suggestion… & caused understandable conflict with his wife & the servant… all because he doubted God’s promises.

Paul was given a huge second chance redemption story & then absolutely refused to give JohnMark a second chance, even though suggested by the same man (Barnabas) who had stood up for HIM when everyone was too afraid of his past.

And then, don’t even get me started on the Israelites, God’s chosen people. Sheesh, talk about setting a bad example.

The Bible, through God’s inspiration, does not share about a bunch of strong, perfect people, but of weak, imperfect people used by a grace-giving, all-powerful, loving GOD.

Living with Grace

How easily I can discount someone for being unfaithful to God, as if that hasn’t described me many a time in different seasons of my own life!

How easy it can be to sugarcoat our own shortcomings, instead of using these weaknesses as a stage for God’s grace & glory to be for us what we fail to be ourselves.

When the Bible talks about being “above reproach,” I do not think it is saying to pretend we never mess up, sugarcoat or mask when we do, pretending it never happened.

I think it means to do your best in every circumstance to live well-pleasing to God, but when you DO INEVITABLY mess it up… use it to point others to our hope in JESUS, not us.

NOT—“pretend to be perfect” to set a “good example.” People don’t need to see that you never struggle… they need to see that when you DO struggle, you know where to turn–to GOD, through Jesus.

Always Let Your Life Point to HIM

Think about it–Does your life demonstrate your own strength? Or His?

YES, do your best on all accounts to live in a way that honors God, pleases Him, & gives Him all the glory He deserves. YES.

But don’t hide your broken parts. Use them to let His goodness, His glory, & His grace shine through all the cracks of your life.

The Bible, inspired by God, doesn’t pretend… mask… sugarcoat… so neither should we.

No more happy plastic people. Give yourself (& others) permission to be a work in progress.

My Weaknesses for HIS Glory

Real, raw, forgiven by the grace of GOD, through Jesus Christ, our LORD!

“And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

Shine HOPE by allowing yourself permission to not pretend, & to use your failings, your weaknesses, your insecurities, & your mistakes as platforms to demonstrate God’s unfailing wisdom, power, grace, love, & HOPE through JESUS.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for SIX years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

September 2024 Hope Mail (KENYA & INDIA)

Enjoy free shipping on your September Hope Mail package that includes our Ava Earrings handmade in Kenya, Spice Cake Lip Balm from India, and our celebratory Birthday Cake Sticker!

***Purchase this set, using the “Shop Here” link below to empower women in Kenya & India out of poverty!***

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

I Am Not Going to Pretty Up the Truth

Now, this week’s topic may be off-putting to some of you. Part of it may even scare some of you, but I have never been one to try to pretty up something ugly for the sake of more “likes”… & today is no exception.

I have not had suicidal thoughts (for many years now, at least), but I have been thinking a lot about death. Maybe you remember my blog post “When Life Hits Hard, I Just Want Heaven.” That is in the same vein of where I am going with this today.

You see, I have come to a point where, without overanalyzing or freaking out first or anything… my first, initial gut reaction to certain hard situations has been: “I wish I could die. I am too weak for this world. I just want to die & go to heaven, so I don’t ever have to hurt again.”

It scares me sometimes when this is the first, gut reaction to something hard, & yet, there it is. I must point out that it usually only lasts a few moments & is gone & that while it can happen several times in a day to maybe once every other day, it is not continual. (I am not feeling that way right now, for example–nor has it happened yet today.) It also goes completely against my reasoning that it’s “not really even that bad.”

Have you ever felt that way? That the hurts of life just feel unbearable in some moments?

Sometimes Life Is Hard

Now, when I take the time to dissect this impulsive, immediate response, I can see that this is most likely the result of years & years of little hurts that were never dealt with–that became a part of my personal identity… but none of that backstory explanation comes up when that little thought pops up in my head at this point—just: “I wish I could just be dead already.”

If you’re anything like my husband, this sounds beyond too morbid a conversation, & I get that. I’m sorry.

But I know I am not the only one out there that has this feeling on occasion & maybe yours has already shifted to suicidal thoughts or planning. I sometimes honestly can understand why. When that thought assaults me, all I can think sometimes is: “I can see why someone would commit suicide. If I left this unchecked or had many times been assaulted by this thought in one day, I can see why someone would want to end it.” That’s what Satan wants us to hear.

Life is hard sometimes.

Sometimes the Little Things Can Hurt a Whole Lot

And it doesn’t always have to be that someone died or you’ve been assaulted… or experienced abuse.

Sometimes even the small stuff can seem overwhelming if it piles on enough.

I think the little things can be so rough because it can seem like, logically, they should really be no big deal & because you’re not dumb or clueless, you CAN recognize that quite clearly while still feeling as if your heart is being torn to shreds. This just makes you feel even weaker, like you can’t even handle the SMALL hurts. Like, wow… pathetic. That’s how I feel sometimes about it anyways.

It doesn’t help when people don’t get it because it clearly does not make sense, even to you, or when they fail to show any compassion. But you feel like you HAVE to be able to explain it or people just think you’re dramatic & out for attention or just straight up pathetic & annoying… the icing on the already awful cake. Like, it somehow seems easy &/or manageable to everyone else, but you can’t seem to handle it.

Because of these reasons & more, small things can hit pretty hard sometimes.

“How It All Began…”

I have been talking a lot about the past 12 years & how my insecurities followed me into marriage. Then, I lost my budding career & all I had was me feeling like a terrible housewife PLUS my pre-existing insecurities because I just had no clue where to start to improve. I felt like a failure all around. And then my husband was working overtime so much I barely saw him & then his capacity for my struggles was low, so I felt like I had to stuff it & hide it & pretend so that I wouldn’t add fuel to the “me being his wife as a huge mistake” idea.

“My struggles are my own. Keep it to myself. No one wants to hear them. I am a burden. I am a disappointment. I am too much.” -the script that ran through my brain.

“How It Continued…”

Then, I had all of these opinions from a large group of people singing the same tune suggesting the fact that I didn’t even fit in as a Christian. I felt like “I was never quite good enough. Never quite measured up. I was alone. I had nobody who believed in me–as if my faith was always in question because I didn’t do things the same way they did them.”

I began to question everything about myself as a “not good enough” Christian who never seemed to get it quite right.

“How It All Blew up in My Face…”

Then, recently, I had an unprecedented misunderstanding upon misunderstanding upon misunderstanding that never was allowed space for reconciliation or clarification. It seemed to become who I was viewed to be, as if I was now the “What now?” girl. “Like I am the problem. Like I am a headache. Like people just want me to keep it to myself & shut up already.” I know they may not think that (even to themselves), but that’s how it began to feel—like every time I spoke up, the subconscious reaction to me was: “What now?”

Well, when patterns emerge, it’s easy to think, “well, I was once capable & praised & acknowledged & appreciated before… but something about ME has changed apparently, because I can’t seem to please ANYONE doing the same thing as before. Was the previous a lie? Am I really this awful & annoying? Can I really not seem to ever get anything right anymore?”

Like: “I must be the problem.”

Everything piled on from the previous until I felt like I never seemed to be quite what people wanted me to be… like I was never quite enough for them… for anyone… like I was TOO MUCH to handle.

But Let’s Take a Closer Look

Now, if I take a closer look at those situations:

1. The marriage scenario was just my insecurities. Hardly anyone just starts out knowing exactly how to keep house & all that comes with that. It takes learning & growing. It takes grace.
2. The judging my faith based on following different manmade rules is just a difference in upbringing & views. It doesn’t mean I am not a “real” Christian because I listen to non-hymn worship music or wear shorts. It’s just a difference in opinion. Everyone is different. We’re all accountable to the same God & making sure we’re right with Him versus acting in rebellion is what matters–He is a faithful & wise Guide.
3. The misunderstandings are just that—misunderstandings. Does it hurt not to be sought to be understood? Sure. Does it define who I am based on their opinion of me? No, it doesn’t. I am still the same me, even if someone doesn’t see it or want to see it.

What am I Supposed to Do?

I am responsible to just try my best, one step at a time.

1. Where I see personal weaknesses as a wife, I will pray about it & let God grow & guide me to improve. Giving grace.
2. Where I see weaknesses or convictions in how my faith is lived out, I will pray about it & let God grow & guide me to improve. Giving grace.
3. Where others misunderstand me & refuse to change their view, I am just responsible to still be kind, to pray for them, & to still be a help to them, not holding their possible opinion of me against them. Giving grace.

Jesus Is Enough… When Sometimes I Think about Dying

And when that little thought washes in over me: “I wish I was just dead already. I am too weak to handle this hurt. I just want to be done with it & go to heaven already so I don’t have to feel this ever again,” I need to remember not to let any of that wash out what I know to be true:

I AM weak. I DON’T have it all together. I DON’T do everything perfectly. I DO make mistakes. I STILL have TONS more growing to do. I WILL be misunderstood sometimes.

But NONE of that changes the fact that JESUS covers ALL of it. GOD is strong when I am not. GOD has it all together. GOD is perfection & can help me every step of the way. GOD grows & shapes me as I surrender more of myself to Him for pruning. GOD knows ME & gave His Son, JESUS to die on my behalf so that I can be His daughter—a daughter of the true & holy & perfect KING.

No matter what anyone may think of me—the TRUTH remains–I am HIS.

Let yourself be imperfect. Give grace. Trust in Jesus to wash out the lies you let slip in & assault you. Believe in Truth. And SHINE HOPE.

Coming Next Week

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A Note from Michelle:

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Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Silver Bow Necklace (INDIA)

The Silver Bow Necklace creates safe jobs for women ending poverty cycles in India and creating the opportunity for them to earn a dignified income. This elegant necklace features a dainty silver bow on a simple chain. The Silver Bow Necklace is perfect for daily wear or paired with other ethical styles for a layered look.

***Purchase this necklace using the Shop Here” link below to help empower women in India out of poverty!!***

How You Can Help the Artisans & Help Financially Support My Website:

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Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!