God Is Greater Still

God is so patient with us, isn’t He? And so humble about it.

Of anyone, He alone has full right to be arrogant, & yet… His character can be defined by the purest humility.

How He (Jesus) willingly left the glories of Heaven to be born as a man, in all of our fleshly-ness, & be rejected by those He created… to be beaten & killed by them… to serve them. What a wonderful God we serve.

He loved me when I rejected Him. He died for me while I was still a sinner (Romans 5:8).

And yes, I get that He died many years before I was born, but the fact remains that He did it for me, it was finished & made available to me before I even accepted it.

His love came first.

His Love Secures

And He didn’t stay dead. He rose again, victorious over that sin of mine. He paid in FULL.

Because of that–all of my falling short… I can be assured is paid for already, too.

I miss the mark every day. I fall short every day. I am not unaware of my many shortcomings & even failures.

But He gave His life for that, so I could live in & claim freedom despite my sinful flesh ever-screaming for control in my life.

His love secures.

Keep My Focus

I can’t tell you how often I am tempted to live as pleasing to men (humanity)… to look better according to what they seem to believe I should be like… to fit the mold better.

I will say that even on my darkest days, where heaviness rests on me like a wet, weighted blanket… I can feel God holding my hand in it & through it. I can see He is at work, even though I can’t sometimes see the work. I can feel secure when my life doesn’t feel secure. I can feel grounded when the ground seems to crumble beneath me.

Because my hope is not secured to things going my way, to me feeling emotionally stable, to me feeling like my world is going right.

My hope is secured to the One Who loved me before I knew to love Him.

I Don’t Enjoy Pain, but I Can Rest in the One Who Holds Me through It

Do I selfishly long for the pain to stop on my hard days? Do I selfishly wish I never had to feel weak ever again? Oh, certainly YES!

But I am human. I can expect to feel weak... to come to the end of myself.

But His mercies are new every morning. He keeps showing up. His sufficiency remains when mine depletes.

I want so desperately to rely on my storehouse, my provision, what I can SEE. I want to feel in control.

My Daily Sufficiency–His Mercies Are New Every Morning

And sometimes I feel like the Israelites in the desert, craving to take in more than what God provides each day so I can rely on MYSELF.

But God wants me to see that I don’t need that flimsy hope… That it is just a mirage anyway. That I can’t (& don’t need to) depend on myself as my hope.

His daily bread supplies my need. His new-every-morning mercies supply my need.

I don’t need to feel strong, but to rely on HIS strength to supply my need.

I don’t need to feel liked or approved or seen, but to fix my focus on living to please & honor HIM.

His mercies are new every morning.

A Foggy Brain… But a Sufficient God

Last week, I talked about what I have learned working in prison ministry… how I am on the schedule now to teach this new segment on God’s JUSTICE. (Read that post: “Us vs. Them? What I’ve Learned in Prison Ministry.”)

Well, I have been practicing my lesson (& more importantly, PRAYING over it) since August, when I had the potential to begin teaching. And now it is NOVEMBER. (We have to remain flexible with prison ministry because sometimes they’re all-hands-on-deck & cannot accommodate us coming or weather prevents it, & so on.)

So, lots of months preparing for, praying over, & practicing one lesson… just in case… but when I went to finally teach it this past Thursday, my mind was foggy & tired after a very long & hectic day.

My Preparations Failed Me… But He Didn’t

Worried I couldn’t quite find my words like I had practiced so much already, I wondered how I was going to get through it successfully & was feeling disheartened that my much practice was seeming insufficient in my time of tired brain.

So, I prayed about it. I asked God to tell me what to do… how to get through it. And I also prayed: “God, if part of Your plan is to show me as fumbling & ill-prepared despite my MONTHS of preparation because You want to show Yourself somehow through my weakness… then so be it. Just let me be faithful to Your plan in this, even if it ends up making ME look bad. AMEN.”

I don’t know how it appeared to them, but to me, my brain fog seemed to get in the way. And that’s okay. God doesn’t need me to be perfect. He needs me to show up & do my best & let HIM take care of the rest.

Because really, it’s not about ME looking good—but about bringing HIM glory.

Let Him be Seen in Your Weakness

And sometimes, in our weakness, others can see—“oh, maybe her life isn’t all perfect & maybe she’s not doing this because she’s so great at it… maybe she chose to do this not for THOSE reasons but because this is really important to her to share about this God… this JESUS.”

I don’t know… I’m just speculating… but I know that even if I don’t come off as all that great… my job is not to come off as all that great anyway. My job is to show how great HE is… not me.

His love for them matters more than how good I look telling them about it.

I want to be willing to look a fool, to show Him as my supply, as my sufficiency, as my HOPE. To show it’s all Him.

Do You Know JESUS? Do You Promote Him or Yourself as Your Sufficiency with Your Actions?

Where in your life are you desperately feeling the need to LOOK LIKE you have it all together? To LOOK LIKE your life is swell at all times versus promoting God as your sufficiency in your lack? To rely on YOUR storehouse versus God’s provision?

And do you know Jesus? Because He is the key. God says, in the Bible, that Jesus is THE way, THE truth, & THE life… & that NO ONE comes to God except through HIM (John 14:6).

Are you praying & feeling unheard? Are you wanting peace that never comes? Are you wishing you felt hope secured but your life always feels unsteady? You need to know Jesus. He is the KEY.

He ALONE can make you right with God because He ALONE can pay your debt for your shortcomings before God. Do you know Jesus? Do you promote HIM as your hope?

Shine HOPE by being willing to look a fool for Him… by showing up & pointing to Him, even if you don’t feel you look your best… by letting His glory shine through the cracks of your imperfections… & by allowing Him to be your daily sufficiency in all things.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for 6.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

White Doodle Ornament (NEPAL)

HOLIDAY EDITION – While supplies last–(also available in red & black doggos)! Create safe jobs with fair wages for the women in Nepal who handcraft the White Doodle Ornament through this dignified partnership. Adorn your Christmas tree with an adorable White Doodle Pup crafted using 100% wool and traditional wool crafting techniques that have been passed down for generations.

(***Purchase this cute handmade ornament, using the “Shop Here” link below & empower women in Nepal out of poverty!***) 

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

My Ways Are Not God’s Ways

I had a plan for my blog today. I have been writing & editing in my head a lot of today, preparing for the time when I would sit down & let the words flow as I typed them out for you. But then… I go to do it & nothing is coming out quite right. Everything is falling flat. It all feels forced, like it’s not what God has for me to say today & yet I am trying to make it happen anyway.

So, here I am… an hour later… starting over with no plan.

Well, God, what do You have for me to say today?

A Trigger I Didn’t See Coming

I have been attending the Monday evening ladies Bible Study at my church—which I need to leave for in a little over an hour as I sit with this almost blank page in front of me now & a blog post deadline in 3.5 hours.

The topic of this Bible Study has been “Emotions“—& to be honest, I have been tempted to just stop attending—not because I think I know everything on this topic & therefore don’t need help with this… quite the contrary—but because I have felt it sometimes over-simplifies the topic maybe in a way that triggers me, quite frankly.

Why does it trigger me, you might ask…. Because of the large amount of negative responses I have received in my lifetime dealing with my own personal big emotions. People have not always seemed to respond well to them, unless of course, the emotions felt “understandable.”

As per my last blog post: “Why Are Deep Emotions So Often Equated with “Being Emotional,” you can probably see it has stirred some frustrations in me. But it has also given me a newfound confidence I haven’t really known before—embracing my lifelong, “sometimes feels like a curse, but now realize the true bring-me-to-Jesus-reminder blessing it can be”—“emotional-ness.”

There Is a Difference

The book just honestly reminds me of some naivety I had after my time with deep depression for 2 years back in high school. Almost a high, if you will, of “this happened to me, but God taught me through it & now I’m all good as long as I can hold on to this thing I learned!” As if… fix it & you won’t have to feel hard feelings anymore–maybe that’s not what she intended… but you have to be careful of where the line is drawn between addressing the emotions themselves & the idea of allowing them to be used as an excuse for sin–because there is a difference. Emotions don’t equal sin.

Now, sometimes she does distinguish between emotions & the spirals that can potentially follow, but a lot of times it just seems to lump all together as just emotions seeming to almost be the enemy–which, they aren’t.

Hence last week’s topic.

I Want to Allow Myself Permission to be Emotional

You know, being emotional can actually be a really beautiful thing. Aside from it serving as a prodding reminder of my very real & constant need for something outside of myself–AKA Jesus, it also allows me to more fully engage with the world around me, to soak it up & to experience it more vividly.

But it can also be uncomfortable… & make other people feel uncomfortable. And because of this, I learned to hide my emotions… to pretend… to feel them when I am alone only… to never let people see me cry.

But now, I look at someone break down in tears & fall into the embrace of someone they love & trust, willing to be vulnerable & weak with someone whom they know cares for them & I just think—“I want to have the courage to believe someone would let me do that, without judgment & not have to feel it alone.”

Emotions Aren’t the Enemy–Our Wrong Responses Are

Emotions have long been made out to be the bad guy. I hear things like, “you are always so emotional…” “stop being so dramatic…” etc. But feeling deeply is not wrong–unless used as an excuse for wrong.

I get that some people may use strong emotions because they’re starving for attention & that’s the only way they know how to get it. I know that some people may decide it’s easier to trust Satan’s lies & move further away from God & deeper into a spiral. I know some people will lash out at others & blame “that time of the month” as an excuse. But emotions don’t MAKE you do those things… You have a choice in how you respond to your emotions–even though your right response may not guarantee said emotions away.

Sometimes I Feel When I Feel I Have No Real Reason to Feel

I’m asked why oh why do I feel so strongly about something that’s not even really that big of a deal… & sometimes… I feel deep heaviness on my heart with no recognizable reason to offer as good reason for it.

I have had times, even without the extra time-of-the-month hormones at work, where I feel deep heavy sadness almost… like a heavy weight on me… & I don’t even know WHY. Like, I can search my heart & thoughts & not come up with a single thing stressing me out or worrying me or hurting me & yet it hurts SO MUCH anyway. Makes zero sense to me. And yet… is.

And people want an answer. They want a justification. It makes it easier to understand… to maybe be able to help…. Maybe they’re wondering if I am just being dramatic “again”?

I don’t know.

But in those times, I can have sobs flowing out, with no cause I can see for the heaviness weighing on me, & I talk to God in it. I ask Him for help. I ask Him to help me keep trusting Him in it even it He chooses not to remove it. I remind myself that God never allows anything without a good reason—for my good & His glory. That I can trust Him even when the hurt doesn’t stop. I ask for His peace & comfort & to feel His presence in the heavy hurts. And He does answer in those ways.

I Can’t Always Pray the Pain Away

It’s hard because it takes continual surrender when it doesn’t ease up after prayer. I want more of a 1. feel pain (or just not even have 1.), 2. pray about it & remember Biblical Truth, 3. it eases up & I move on. Instead, when I am emotional, 3. doesn’t come. The pain stays. And I have to keep laying it down at His feet & keep drawing from His strength instead of the satisfaction of feeling my own return to me. That is HARD. That continual surrender versus removal of the pain is HARD.

Does He remain faithful to provide strength that isn’t my own? To give me impossible peace while the pain is still hurting me? To comfort me as it continues to weigh heavy on my heart? Yes, every single time–He is FAITHFUL to me–but I have to be willing to KEEP COMING TO HIM IN IT. And that is HARD.

The longing is to pray the pain away, when sometimes God wants us to trust Him to be sufficient while the pain remains.

The Key Is to KEEP Coming to Him

I don’t disagree with a lot that the aforementioned author of our study recommends, in needing to renew our minds with God’s Word—the Bible, with needing to retrain our focus by remembering we have a choice, with remembering to turn to God in our struggles, with knowing emotions don’t need to lead to spirals–in fact, I talk about some of that in a previous post: “Understanding Depression with Discernment.”

But we must be careful to distinguish between emotions themselves & the spirals &/or sin they can bring if we’re not careful.

“Be Angry & Do Not Sin”

It is very true that feeling big usually brings with it a weakness for succumbing to the easy-to-believe lies of Satan, telling us to doubt God & turn away from Him, telling us to dishonor God, disrespect Him, or disobey Him because of how we’re feeling… telling us to lash out at others in them.

The verse: “Be angry & do not sin,” (Ephesians 4:26) comes to mind because it’s this picture of feeling the way you feel, but not allowing it to stand as an excuse for hurting yourself, God, or others… aka SIN.

Sometimes God Allows the Pain to Remain So You & Others May See His Strength in Place of Your Own

I also think of Paul’s thorn in his side—that he prayed for God to remove & God responded with: “My grace is sufficient for you.” (2 Corinthians 12:7-10) God allowed the pain to remain. And Paul understood that in seasons of pain, they could also be opportunities to shine God’s strength when he felt he had little to none–in his weaknesses, infirmities, reproaches, needs, persecutions, & distresses.

I have felt that in so many of my dark seasons. As if God is allowing this heavy dark cloud to follow me everywhere I go & when I pray for it to leave, it’s almost as if God is very gently telling me, “no.”

I Know This & Yet…

And I have spiraled. I have doubted God loved me. I have tried to solve it my own way.

But I have also submitted to Him in it. I have learned from it. I have seen God use it to bring me closer to Him, to teach me something that I had long asked Him about, to demonstrate to others how to turn to them in their own weaknesses & pain.

I have trusted He had a plan even when I could not see it. I have trusted He loves me even when the pain will not leave. I have trusted that God would not waste the hurts He was letting me experience.

I have seen God WORK in them. And BE MY SUFFICIENCY.

He did not leave me. He did not forsake me. He is the Potter & I am but the clay.

We’re All Learning–God’s Not Finished with Me Yet

So, yes, this Bible study book we’re reading, in its sometimes naïve over-simplification of emotions as the culprit versus the poor responses to said emotions, has irked me to no end on some days as I work through it… but it has forced me to face up to all the negative reactions I have received over the years of my life… to embrace that I am not ashamed for being emotional & I no longer want to allow anyone convince me that I ought to be.

If God wants me to be poured out so that He may be magnified… to God be the glory. AMEN.

Shine HOPE by determining to KEEP turning to God in your hurts, refusing to allow them to be used as excuses for sin… & by giving intentional grace to those who feel things you don’t think are justifiable or things you don’t understand… letting God, in all things, be glorified.

God can handle those big emotions just fine, my dear, so keep turning to Him in them each & every time.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for SIX years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Champagne Vine Earrings (INDIA)

LIMITED EDITION – Available While Supplies Last! The Champagne Vine Earrings are crafted in a workshop committed to fighting child marriage and creating dignified jobs for women in India. These detailed, champagne colored fringe earrings are hand beaded and feature a delicate vine design beaded in black seed beads.  

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

I Don’t Need Fixing

Why is having strong emotions so often equated with being dramatic?

Being emotional is often seen as a bad thing that needs fixing. Being emotional is often seen as a result of lacking faith. Being emotional is often considered a weakness.

Coming from someone with lifelong deep emotions… what a sad & incomplete understanding of emotions.

Emotions Can Tempt Wrongs… But They Can Only Tempt

The Bible is written with such rich emotions, even by male authors, no less, so why has it so commonly been twisted into such a strong conviction by certain people that strong emotions are wrong & should be avoided or squashed?

I get that there is always the fear of cultivating emotion-led faith, where you serve God mainly because you feel a spiritual high, versus serving Him the same regardless of how you are feeling, but that doesn’t make feeling… bad.

I think maybe because emotions make us vulnerable & feeling vulnerable is not always too pleasant. And, more notably, that vulnerability can set us up for attack. We can be tempted to doubt God… we can be tempted to dwell on the cause of the emotions versus turning to God in them… we can be tempted to give into despair… we can be tempted to react in sin—lashing out or blaming God or avoiding obedience to God… or growing a bad attitude. They can TEMPT us to shut down & grow bitter, but only can they tempt.

How Worship-Evoking It Can Be to Feel So Weak

But it’s not wrong to feel. It’s not even wrong to feel deeply. It’s not wrong to allow yourself that deep vulnerability of weakness.

In fact, what a worship-evoking thing it has the great potential to be… what a spur to pray & seek the riches of God’s Word…. What a blessing it can be to feel that very real need so deeply to your core—a reminder that you require something more than yourself.

Setting a Good Example Doesn’t Mean Having It Together All the Time

I get it. We want to feel “on our feet.” We want to feel strong & capable. We want to “be a good example.” We want to appear okay. We don’t want to feel so needy (as needy as we truly are).

But, as I say often about planning community church events, a good testimony is not necessarily that you ensure nothing ever goes wrong, but rather your response if something does go wrong.

So, we quote Scripture at emotions (reminding yourself of Truth in big emotions is a healthy habit, but it does not guarantee emotions away). We stuff it. We hide it. We pretty it up. We pretend. Or maybe we have just gotten so good at not letting ourselves feel it at all.

So, we try to find ways to avoid feeling so deeply… avoid feeling so out of control… avoid feeling so vulnerable.

Sometimes the Pain Is Unnamed

But sometimes the weight I feel has no name. It’s not from overthinking or from anxiety or from anything at all in particular. Just weight. And you know what—it feels good to let myself cry. I feel relieved. It pushes me to pray & let God sit with me in it, to give me peace despite the struggle.

I have gone through such intense spiritual attacks in certain seasons of my life, that I wanted to die because it felt like someone had taken about 20 weighted blankets & dropped them over my soul, like I was suffocating, but yet I was very aware of God still being in full control, whether He chose to leave the weight there or remove it. Crying from the pain, while praising God that I knew He somehow had a plan in the pain. So, personally, I saw that my deep, painful emotions were not present with sin–but yet they remained.

Let’s Not Assume More Than the Text Is Saying

I think we can look at stories like when everyone was freaking out on the boat in the storm as Jesus sleeps, seeing Him awake & rebuke the wind & waves to stillness & then rebuking the men for their lack of faith & think—“this must mean I should never feel struggle because it means I am worthy of rebuking for my own lack of faith.” But their problem in that storm wasn’t emotion—it was fearing the storm/natural occurrence more than the God Who controls those. God wasn’t implying a blanket rebuke against strong emotions here. (Mark 4:35-41)

Aside from seeing such rich emotions present in Scripture (the Bible), I know, from personal experience, how deep, rich emotions can be present with a very obvious lack of sin—aka, no continued dwelling on it or overthinking in place of prayer, no wanting to distrust God…. Just… pain.

Job Felt Deep Pain after Experiencing Deep Loss

“Then Job arose, tore his robe, and shaved his head; and he fell to the ground and worshiped. And he said:

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb and naked shall I return there. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

In all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong.” Job 1:20-22

That is not an expression of calm, lacking emotion. He tore his clothes it hurt so much. He felt the hurt & full weight of it, he felt strong emotions, but determined to praise God IN his hurt.

Is It Only Acceptable When We Can “Adequately” Justify It?

And I think people understand when it’s something that seems reasonable: lose a loved one—grief, someone gets attacked—hurt, seeing an orphan—pain. If it makes sense to people, it seems acceptable, but only if you can justify WHY you feel so strongly. Only then. And sometimes only for as long as someone may feel it is appropriate.

And like that day in my car with my rhetorical 20 weighted blankets, not understanding at all why I felt such pain in my spirit, but feeling it so strongly, crying in private because I knew I wouldn’t be able to understand it enough to “justify” it to someone else… I knew God was right there in it with me, holding me together despite how much it hurt. He had me even when the pain didn’t stop or let up. He saw me, He knew my pain, He didn’t need me to justify it to wrap me in His compassion & love. To hold me. To be my CAN when I just couldn’t.

Do We Vet Deep Emotions before We’re Willing to Show Compassion?

Why do we feel the need to believe a feeling is worth feeling in order to be in the storm with someone? To love them by their side through it?

Not just “giving them a verse to think on” because you feel they’re being dramatic or maybe overreacting… but holding them through it even when it doesn’t make any sense to you or doesn’t seem a “level of emotional” that is justifiable in that moment.

As if we have to vet it as worthy of not “just being dramatic,” in order for it deserve our care & compassion?

Is it because it’s inconvenient? Uncomfortable? We don’t know how to fix what we can’t define? It doesn’t wrap up as nicely as we would like?

Why don’t we try just loving anyway? Repenting even–of our felt need to approve compassion….

Weakness Isn’t a Bad Thing… It’s a Reality

Emotions are vulnerable. They can make us feel really weak. But maybe that weakness isn’t so bad after all.

And maybe some of us are just weaker than others (I certainly feel I am because I feel so much when others seem to think I shouldn’t need to)… who feel more deeply than you do, so that it may not make sense to you, but is what it is, regardless of whether it makes sense.

I used to feel like my strong emotions were a curse. I used to beg that curse away. But, as I got older & was praying through one season of deep emotional pain I couldn’t explain away… I asked God, “Why did You make me this way? Why do I have to have the curse? I just want it to stop. Please–why?!?” And I felt a soft answer over my heart in the form of dawning understanding that in all those years with seasons of such deep hurting, they have made me live with constant recognition of my very real need of Him… always drawing me back to seek Him… to rely on Him instead of myself… that those heavy emotions were not at all a curse, but a very rich, beautiful BLESSING.

How Do You Respond?

How you respond to deep emotions is what matters. Don’t let that weakness make you pull back from or deny God. Don’t let it tempt you to use it as an excuse to avoid doing right. Don’t let it have power of you, but trust God to be your enough IN it.

Let that weakness draw you into the arms of Jesus… to wake you up to the needs & hurts of those around you, to show compassion… to be a light that even in the darkness, God is the light & He can be your sufficiency even when you feel none of your own.

Let those tears fall. Release the tension. And let it spur you to worship the God Who is enough even when you are not.

The Problem Is Not Emotions… But in Not Dealing with Them in a Healthy, God-Honoring Way

We need to maybe stop demonizing heavy emotions & start embracing them in a HEALTHY, God-pleasing way!

So many years of demonizing strong emotions & the problems that come from them are usually because the solution taught has so often been—“stop being dramatic…” instead of “let them help you better recognize & understand your very real need for God, through Jesus… & use them to point others to His strength as your enough in your weakness. Use them to glorify God!”

Draw near to Him in them!

Fix your focus on Truth!

Cling to Him as your help & hope!

Use them to proclaim His glory! His strength in your weakness!

All glory be to God Almighty, God of Heaven & Earth! God Who made us to feel as a way to engage in the world around us. Praise God in the storm!

Teach Them Not–“Conceal, Don’t Feel”

If you have a child who has deep emotions, don’t teach them to fear, mask, cover up, or avoid them (even the boys because boys are allowed to feel!)… teach them to engage with those emotions in a healthy, God-honoring way, as a tool to help them remember their need of God (to pray & to seek Him) & as an opportunity to see & show how God can be our enough when we can’t be.

There are so many verses in the Bible that call us to compassion, to bearing with one another in love, to bearing each other’s burdens, to loving one another, to showing grace… let us keep THOSE verses in mind when someone is bearing a burden we can’t see &/or don’t understand.

Grace upon grace, emulating the love & care of Jesus Christ in how we treat one another in those deep emotions that may make little sense to us.

And in those deep emotions, may it be a living reminder of your very real need for more than yourself… drawing you into the ever-loving care of Jesus.

Shine HOPE by turning to God in your deep emotions… by not allowing them to control or tempt you… by being a light for God’s strength in your weakness… by showing compassion to others facing emotions we don’t understand… & by teaching the next generation how to feel deeply in a way that leads them back to HIM as their HOPE.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for SIX years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Tarra Lantern Set (INDIA)

Support families in areas of extreme poverty in India, empowering them to end poverty cycles for their families, send their kids to school, and earn fair wages for their work through your purchase of the Tarra Lanterns. Display this set of ethically made gold lanterns beautifully with their star cut outs! The lanterns are open at the top to easily add a candle, light, or any other decor.

***Purchase this unique handcrafted set, using the “Shop Here” link below to empower these artisan women in India out of poverty!***

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

Personal Boundaries Are Good… But…

I have talked recently how there was a time in my life where I moved to a new place & everyone seemed to be singing to the same tune & I felt out of place, like I didn’t belong & didn’t fit in because I “didn’t know the words.”

It was a Christian culture cultivated to help set boundaries for the staff, in order to represent Jesus well—in other words, the intentions were in the right place, I believe, but because I didn’t grow up under these same boundaries & rules, I automatically felt noticeably different from everyone… like I didn’t fit.

On top of that, I did, unfortunately, meet some judgement from a select few who had taken those boundaries to another level—almost as if it defined them personally as being a good Christian because they grew up within these boundaries—it sort of became an unrecognized, subtle self-righteousness where it was sometimes a little too easy to look down on someone’s standing with God if they didn’t follow these same boundaries.

And because they were fellow Christians & I trusted THEIR faith to be sincere, I began to question my OWN faith & whether it was sincere “enough” to make me a “good Christian.”

Happy Plastic People–The Pressures to Seem Perfect

Have you ever been a part of a church & you felt like you just could not measure up because everyone was always happy, always perfect? … While you felt like the hot mess express? That’s been me.

I don’t know why we feel so much pressure to show up with everything already figured out, as if we have it together all the time if we want to be considered a “good” Christian, as if you didn’t just yell at your kids in the car on the way to church. (I don’t have kids, but I can definitely relate to the general idea.)

And the unspoken expectation for leadership to always appear perfect? What an unfair, impossible standard. I have always been friends with many in leadership, from working as a Sunday School teacher or Bible study leader alongside my former youth pastor, to being the church secretary & spending most days learning from & chatting with our pastor, to being close friends with a pastor & his wife in Japan. And let me tell you–they are no closer to perfection than any of us. They are human, too.

Why is there so much pressure to seem perfect? To be happy plastic people?

Do You Too Feel Ashamed of Your Struggles Sometimes?

I have actually felt ASHAMED of weakness before. As if my struggle made me less of a Christian. As if I needed to hide it & cover it up so that no one would find out.

I don’t want my faith questioned.

But then, I have been reading the Bible every day for years now & I notice a pattern—the rough parts, the bad decisions, the moments of faith lacking… they aren’t sugarcoated in the Bible at all. They’re told, & used, to point people to where our TRUE strength, wisdom, confidence, grace, & HOPE come from—GOD, through Jesus Christ!

Their weaknesses exposed, their doubts are talked about, their mistakes are displayed, their decisions to trust themselves in place of God are discussed in detail… dumpster fire aftermath included.

Even the Ones We Put on Pedestals

Even the big heroes of the faith who are used as examples for us to follow made huge mistakes…sometimes knowingly—even them!

David, a man after God’s own heart—lusted, acted on it, & had her husband killed to cover it up, then DID NOT repent right away until confronted about it much later.

Jonah straight up RAN, even though it says he KNEW the people would turn from their wickedness back to God if he obeyed.

Abraham slept with his wife’s servant, at her suggestion… & caused understandable conflict with his wife & the servant… all because he doubted God’s promises.

Paul was given a huge second chance redemption story & then absolutely refused to give JohnMark a second chance, even though suggested by the same man (Barnabas) who had stood up for HIM when everyone was too afraid of his past.

And then, don’t even get me started on the Israelites, God’s chosen people. Sheesh, talk about setting a bad example.

The Bible, through God’s inspiration, does not share about a bunch of strong, perfect people, but of weak, imperfect people used by a grace-giving, all-powerful, loving GOD.

Living with Grace

How easily I can discount someone for being unfaithful to God, as if that hasn’t described me many a time in different seasons of my own life!

How easy it can be to sugarcoat our own shortcomings, instead of using these weaknesses as a stage for God’s grace & glory to be for us what we fail to be ourselves.

When the Bible talks about being “above reproach,” I do not think it is saying to pretend we never mess up, sugarcoat or mask when we do, pretending it never happened.

I think it means to do your best in every circumstance to live well-pleasing to God, but when you DO INEVITABLY mess it up… use it to point others to our hope in JESUS, not us.

NOT—“pretend to be perfect” to set a “good example.” People don’t need to see that you never struggle… they need to see that when you DO struggle, you know where to turn–to GOD, through Jesus.

Always Let Your Life Point to HIM

Think about it–Does your life demonstrate your own strength? Or His?

YES, do your best on all accounts to live in a way that honors God, pleases Him, & gives Him all the glory He deserves. YES.

But don’t hide your broken parts. Use them to let His goodness, His glory, & His grace shine through all the cracks of your life.

The Bible, inspired by God, doesn’t pretend… mask… sugarcoat… so neither should we.

No more happy plastic people. Give yourself (& others) permission to be a work in progress.

My Weaknesses for HIS Glory

Real, raw, forgiven by the grace of GOD, through Jesus Christ, our LORD!

“And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

Shine HOPE by allowing yourself permission to not pretend, & to use your failings, your weaknesses, your insecurities, & your mistakes as platforms to demonstrate God’s unfailing wisdom, power, grace, love, & HOPE through JESUS.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for SIX years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

September 2024 Hope Mail (KENYA & INDIA)

Enjoy free shipping on your September Hope Mail package that includes our Ava Earrings handmade in Kenya, Spice Cake Lip Balm from India, and our celebratory Birthday Cake Sticker!

***Purchase this set, using the “Shop Here” link below to empower women in Kenya & India out of poverty!***

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

I Am Not Going to Pretty Up the Truth

Now, this week’s topic may be off-putting to some of you. Part of it may even scare some of you, but I have never been one to try to pretty up something ugly for the sake of more “likes”… & today is no exception.

I have not had suicidal thoughts (for many years now, at least), but I have been thinking a lot about death. Maybe you remember my blog post “When Life Hits Hard, I Just Want Heaven.” That is in the same vein of where I am going with this today.

You see, I have come to a point where, without overanalyzing or freaking out first or anything… my first, initial gut reaction to certain hard situations has been: “I wish I could die. I am too weak for this world. I just want to die & go to heaven, so I don’t ever have to hurt again.”

It scares me sometimes when this is the first, gut reaction to something hard, & yet, there it is. I must point out that it usually only lasts a few moments & is gone & that while it can happen several times in a day to maybe once every other day, it is not continual. (I am not feeling that way right now, for example–nor has it happened yet today.) It also goes completely against my reasoning that it’s “not really even that bad.”

Have you ever felt that way? That the hurts of life just feel unbearable in some moments?

Sometimes Life Is Hard

Now, when I take the time to dissect this impulsive, immediate response, I can see that this is most likely the result of years & years of little hurts that were never dealt with–that became a part of my personal identity… but none of that backstory explanation comes up when that little thought pops up in my head at this point—just: “I wish I could just be dead already.”

If you’re anything like my husband, this sounds beyond too morbid a conversation, & I get that. I’m sorry.

But I know I am not the only one out there that has this feeling on occasion & maybe yours has already shifted to suicidal thoughts or planning. I sometimes honestly can understand why. When that thought assaults me, all I can think sometimes is: “I can see why someone would commit suicide. If I left this unchecked or had many times been assaulted by this thought in one day, I can see why someone would want to end it.” That’s what Satan wants us to hear.

Life is hard sometimes.

Sometimes the Little Things Can Hurt a Whole Lot

And it doesn’t always have to be that someone died or you’ve been assaulted… or experienced abuse.

Sometimes even the small stuff can seem overwhelming if it piles on enough.

I think the little things can be so rough because it can seem like, logically, they should really be no big deal & because you’re not dumb or clueless, you CAN recognize that quite clearly while still feeling as if your heart is being torn to shreds. This just makes you feel even weaker, like you can’t even handle the SMALL hurts. Like, wow… pathetic. That’s how I feel sometimes about it anyways.

It doesn’t help when people don’t get it because it clearly does not make sense, even to you, or when they fail to show any compassion. But you feel like you HAVE to be able to explain it or people just think you’re dramatic & out for attention or just straight up pathetic & annoying… the icing on the already awful cake. Like, it somehow seems easy &/or manageable to everyone else, but you can’t seem to handle it.

Because of these reasons & more, small things can hit pretty hard sometimes.

“How It All Began…”

I have been talking a lot about the past 12 years & how my insecurities followed me into marriage. Then, I lost my budding career & all I had was me feeling like a terrible housewife PLUS my pre-existing insecurities because I just had no clue where to start to improve. I felt like a failure all around. And then my husband was working overtime so much I barely saw him & then his capacity for my struggles was low, so I felt like I had to stuff it & hide it & pretend so that I wouldn’t add fuel to the “me being his wife as a huge mistake” idea.

“My struggles are my own. Keep it to myself. No one wants to hear them. I am a burden. I am a disappointment. I am too much.” -the script that ran through my brain.

“How It Continued…”

Then, I had all of these opinions from a large group of people singing the same tune suggesting the fact that I didn’t even fit in as a Christian. I felt like “I was never quite good enough. Never quite measured up. I was alone. I had nobody who believed in me–as if my faith was always in question because I didn’t do things the same way they did them.”

I began to question everything about myself as a “not good enough” Christian who never seemed to get it quite right.

“How It All Blew up in My Face…”

Then, recently, I had an unprecedented misunderstanding upon misunderstanding upon misunderstanding that never was allowed space for reconciliation or clarification. It seemed to become who I was viewed to be, as if I was now the “What now?” girl. “Like I am the problem. Like I am a headache. Like people just want me to keep it to myself & shut up already.” I know they may not think that (even to themselves), but that’s how it began to feel—like every time I spoke up, the subconscious reaction to me was: “What now?”

Well, when patterns emerge, it’s easy to think, “well, I was once capable & praised & acknowledged & appreciated before… but something about ME has changed apparently, because I can’t seem to please ANYONE doing the same thing as before. Was the previous a lie? Am I really this awful & annoying? Can I really not seem to ever get anything right anymore?”

Like: “I must be the problem.”

Everything piled on from the previous until I felt like I never seemed to be quite what people wanted me to be… like I was never quite enough for them… for anyone… like I was TOO MUCH to handle.

But Let’s Take a Closer Look

Now, if I take a closer look at those situations:

1. The marriage scenario was just my insecurities. Hardly anyone just starts out knowing exactly how to keep house & all that comes with that. It takes learning & growing. It takes grace.
2. The judging my faith based on following different manmade rules is just a difference in upbringing & views. It doesn’t mean I am not a “real” Christian because I listen to non-hymn worship music or wear shorts. It’s just a difference in opinion. Everyone is different. We’re all accountable to the same God & making sure we’re right with Him versus acting in rebellion is what matters–He is a faithful & wise Guide.
3. The misunderstandings are just that—misunderstandings. Does it hurt not to be sought to be understood? Sure. Does it define who I am based on their opinion of me? No, it doesn’t. I am still the same me, even if someone doesn’t see it or want to see it.

What am I Supposed to Do?

I am responsible to just try my best, one step at a time.

1. Where I see personal weaknesses as a wife, I will pray about it & let God grow & guide me to improve. Giving grace.
2. Where I see weaknesses or convictions in how my faith is lived out, I will pray about it & let God grow & guide me to improve. Giving grace.
3. Where others misunderstand me & refuse to change their view, I am just responsible to still be kind, to pray for them, & to still be a help to them, not holding their possible opinion of me against them. Giving grace.

Jesus Is Enough… When Sometimes I Think about Dying

And when that little thought washes in over me: “I wish I was just dead already. I am too weak to handle this hurt. I just want to be done with it & go to heaven already so I don’t have to feel this ever again,” I need to remember not to let any of that wash out what I know to be true:

I AM weak. I DON’T have it all together. I DON’T do everything perfectly. I DO make mistakes. I STILL have TONS more growing to do. I WILL be misunderstood sometimes.

But NONE of that changes the fact that JESUS covers ALL of it. GOD is strong when I am not. GOD has it all together. GOD is perfection & can help me every step of the way. GOD grows & shapes me as I surrender more of myself to Him for pruning. GOD knows ME & gave His Son, JESUS to die on my behalf so that I can be His daughter—a daughter of the true & holy & perfect KING.

No matter what anyone may think of me—the TRUTH remains–I am HIS.

Let yourself be imperfect. Give grace. Trust in Jesus to wash out the lies you let slip in & assault you. Believe in Truth. And SHINE HOPE.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for SIX years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Silver Bow Necklace (INDIA)

The Silver Bow Necklace creates safe jobs for women ending poverty cycles in India and creating the opportunity for them to earn a dignified income. This elegant necklace features a dainty silver bow on a simple chain. The Silver Bow Necklace is perfect for daily wear or paired with other ethical styles for a layered look.

***Purchase this necklace using the Shop Here” link below to help empower women in India out of poverty!!***

How You Can Help the Artisans & Help Financially Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

My “Anti-Word” for 2024

One word that keeps popping up in my head over the last couple months is “victim.” Not in a menacing or threatening way & not in a mocking sort of way, but a call to pay attention & to step up.

Basically, I have had the sense this year that the main way I would describe me in my life increasingly so over the last 12 years is with the word “victim.”

Victim of circumstances. Victim of hard situations. Victim of unkindness/meanness. Victim of stress. Victim of loneliness. Victim of misunderstandings. Victim of the consequences of my poor health. Victim of my limiting back pain. Victim of my brain fog. Victim of lacking support/compassion. Victim of language barriers. Victim of terrible, literal storms. Victim of lacking in friendships. Victim of feeling like an outsider wherever I go. Victim, victim, victim.

All of these things have piled up…. They’ve latched on to the previous, making each one seem heavier to carry than the last. They’ve made me shrink back a little more with each one.

God Has Continued to Teach Me… But the Undercurrent Has been Strong

Obviously, I have noticed them & I have wrestled through them & I have prayed & I have seen God work & I have even lived as an open book to allow even my worst handlings of them to bring glory to God & point others to Him as their source of true HOPE.

But what I didn’t notice was the subtler side effect. The shrinking. The changing of my perspective of the world around me—going from a girl full of hope, wonder, & joy, to one who instantly assumes this will be another circumstance to bring me low… shrinking a little more with each time.

Jaded is what it’s made me. It has sapped my joy from me. It has made me far more anxious & tired & just uninterested in trying again, of putting myself out there again. More closed off. Less vulnerable, less approachable.

I don’t like it.

The Me I Was 12 Years Ago

I get a little choked up thinking about my perspective even 12 years ago before moving overseas. How bright & happy I was. Sure, I had hard days & times of stress or worry or failure… but overall, I was so full of hope.

I trusted God more.

Now it’s often more of a “how will THIS let me down this time?” as if it’s expected or guaranteed—even when just having hope for a productive day swept out from under me by my back just giving out or my brain fog swooping in so heavily over my brain that I go numb & zone out, as my day goes partially wasted. A victim to my own body failing me even sometimes.

I just start a lot of my days expecting defeat.

A Battle Cry for Change

And so, this little word seems to keep popping up in my head every time something like that happens—VICTIM—almost as if it is trying to sum up the gist of the dark cloud I feel has been following me & gradually growing over me these last 12 years, gradually sapping away my hope, joy, vulnerability, peace.

So, what to do about it? How can I make it stop? I am supposed to live as “more than conquerors in Christ,” (Romans 8:31-39) & this seems so the opposite of that. So, what can I do about it?

2 Ways to Stop Living Life as a Victim of My Circumstances

Well, the answer has been coming to me in 2 different ways as I have been asking God those above questions.

1–What parts of your victimhood CAN you control or do something about?

2–Stop perpetuating the negative that DOES happen to you & purposefully fix your thoughts more regularly on what is going RIGHT in purposed gratefulness to God. Because bad & good are always both happening at once in ways—but where am I fixing my focus?

A Lesson I Learned 2 Years Ago, Moving Back to Guam

So, starting with the second, I will say that God has been reminding me of when we moved back to Guam 2 years ago. (How has it already been 2 years?)

I didn’t want to come here again. I had mainly very hard memories of here. I felt I had finally gotten past this hard season of my life. I was so mad at God for even initially suggesting we were to move back here through the doors He was opening against my will.

Well, I prayed, unwillingly, “Okay God, I know You ought to win. I get that. You know better than me. You have a plan. I know that. But I don’t like it & knowing that is not going to make me like it, so please help change my attitude.”

His Response? Find Ways to Praise Him

His answer? Thank Him for THREE things, just 3 things EVERY single day (even if they were the SAME 3 things)… 3 things I DID like about being here. You know what my 3 things were consistently for MONTHS? Palm trees, beach views, & ocean breezes. For MONTHS that’s most all I could come up with–that regardless of all else, at least I had those.

But focusing on praise for His blessings in the midst of my hurt did something funny. I started to NOTICE those 3 little things more often & more readily. I started to APPRECIATE them more. I started to appreciate what a BLESSING it was that God had given me the chance to experience those again after our 7 years away in Japan.

Funny, huh? It’s almost like God knows what He’s doing….

Find Ways to Thank God, Even in the Hard–Fix Your Focus

Now, He is encouraging me with the same thing. “What place or person or situation makes you feel like a victim & what about them can you purposely give God thanks & praise?”

It’s funny that our weekly couple’s devotional: “Devotions for a Sacred Marriage,” by Gary Thomas, (HIGHLY recommend!) mentioned in yesterday’s reading that the same can happen with marriage. We see the worst of each other–the bad days, bad attitudes, failures, flaws, etc. & if we focus only on that, it can seem impossible… but that we need to look at the big picture (which our pastor also talked about in his sermon yesterday) to work toward intentionally appreciating our spouse & our marriage. Fixing our focus on the blessings of the whole versus the right now.

So, I need to work on retraining my brain to focus on the blessings more than I fixate on the hard things, remembering to give God thanks in all things, so I don’t become jaded & poisoned by the hard. (1 Thessalonians 5:18; Philippians 4:8)

Where do you park your focus? Where do I park mine?

What Is in My Power to Change or Adjust?

Then there is the first—the things I can do something about.

Now, when I feel small, jaded, or that little reminder of “victim” pops up in my head, since I have been praying about this for a while… I think, “where do I need to retrain my thoughts to not automatically go into victim-mode, by finding something positive to praise God for? OR, what part of this do I have some control in changing so I don’t just accept defeat & slink back?”

For example, I can’t help that I have the back of a woman twice my age that seizes up & makes me go rigid in pain sometimes… but I can pray for alternative methods of doing things (like when I prayed how to clean our floor-to-ceiling glass shower with a bad back & God orchestrated me thinking to look up long-handled cleaning brushes where I don’t have to lean or stretch/strain my back to clean). Don’t just give up–PRAY & trust God sees an answer where you don’t.

What CAN I Do About It?

Or maybe change looks like taking some small steps in the right direction where you have been unmoved or going in the wrong direction.

Steps for future change might look like me using a posture corrector to help strengthen my spine or taking walks & snacking less unhealthily & making better food choices so I am not essentially carrying around an extra 100 pounds every day. NO WONDER my back is damaged!

Or maybe, if someone is being unkind, I can do things to make the atmosphere more pleasant & love-filled versus tense. I can start praying for that person.

Victimhood Brought on by Anxiety…

A big one for me is when I feel overwhelmed & don’t know what to do next, ANXIETY is there to knock out my knees, so that I crumble & become paralyzed in my progress.

And last time it happened… my little “anti-word” of the year came up to greet me– “VICTIM.”

I have been allowing my anxiety… my THOUGHTS to control me.

How much of my life vapors away because I let my THOUGHTS control me? How much has been wasted or slumped or crumbled? Because of my THOUGHTS?

Why do I let mere thoughts control my life? Control my peace? My happiness? My actions? ME?

What Makes YOU Feel Like a Victim?

VICTIM. Does that word whisper over your heart right now?

VICTIM. Does that word make you slink back & slump in defeat?

VICTIM. Does that word make you feel jaded against the world, as if you are just a victim of your life?

VICTIM. Let’s not let that mental state or perspective control our lives anymore.

Take Steps. Make Change. Fix Focus.

Be purposeful in praise.

Be intentional in prayer & trusting GOD to be BIGGER than ANYTHING else.

Be quick to look at the situation or circumstances that make you feel small & think, “what in this do I have control over to STOP?”

Be mindful of your thoughts that you are allowing to run your life.

Maybe it’s your attitude. Maybe it’s your habits that lead you always downward. Maybe it is a LACK of GOOD habits. Maybe it’s your thoughts. Maybe it’s a lack of gratitude & praise to God in your life.

What is it? What can you change?

Don’t Live as a Victim Anymore

What person, place, situation, or circumstance do you need to spend some time even begrudgingly asking God to help change your attitude… to find ways & things to praise God for even in it?

Are you going to keep letting your VICTIM status control your life & your mindset? Or are you going to live in the freedom bought for you by CHRIST? Living as a CONQUEROR & no longer like a victim….

Shine HOPE by taking on this “anti-word” of 2024—VICTIM–letting it be a constant reminder to turn to & trust God, to find things to praise Him for, & looking for what you have control over in preventing that victimhood from taking you down with it anymore.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for SIX years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Silver Fanfare Earrings (PERU)

Handcrafted in Peru, these show-stopping, silver-plated fan earrings are made in a workshop committed to empowering the next generation with traditional Artisanal skills training. The Silver Fanfare Earrings hang vertically in a textured semicircle shape and create dignified jobs for women to pursue their higher education studies.

***Purchase these earrings to help provide safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in Peru.***

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

A Topic Worth Revisiting

This is something I have definitely talked about before, but because I am currently feeling I need reminders in this area, I thought it would be good to revisit it, even if just for my own sake.

Oh, anger. It’s so easy to justify sometimes, isn’t it? Holding onto it, I mean.

I feel emotions strongly…. I don’t do small emotions. It annoys people sometimes & I get it… it annoys me sometimes, too.

And growing up, I always believed, whether it was implied or told, that “good Christians are not supposed to feel big emotions—especially ‘bad’ ones like anger.”

But telling someone not to feel anger is like telling someone not to feel physical pain when injured… it’s silly, lacks any compassion, & just is not realistic or reasonable. And it is certainly not kind.

Anger just sort of shows up, whether you want it to or not.

Minimizing Wrongs Is Not the Same As Trusting God with It (Read That Again)

Well, I didn’t know how to just not be angry in order to “be a good Christian,” but I felt I had to avoid or deny or stuff feelings if I were to show I “trusted God,” so I would usually cry about it & then convince myself of all the many “reasons to not be mad”:

Like, “I’m sure they didn’t mean it,” or, “they’re probably just having a bad day,” or “they’re a sinner, what do I expect?” Or, “maybe I just deserve it.”

So, what was I doing? I was making excuses FOR their wrong choices. I was JUSTIFYING their wrong choices. I was convincing myself that their wrong choices weren’t all that wrong if I thought hard enough about it.

Wow. NO. Wrong way to deal with it. Don’t do that.

God doesn’t do that (He sent Jesus to DIE for those very wrong choices), (Isaiah 53:3-12) Jesus didn’t do that (He paid for it with His life—WILLINGLY), & even the human authors inspired by God to write the Bible didn’t do that.

So do NOT minimize sin/wrongs in order to manage your anger.

Anger Is Not a Sin… It’s What You DO with Anger That Can Turn It Sinful

Anger is an emotional response to something. It is not a sin. Let me say that again for those who missed it: ANGER is NOT a SIN.

Emotions are not sinful. They are how we were made to feel & connect with the world around us.

The problem comes when we take matters into our own hands. When we determine to HOLD ON to our anger. THAT’S when the red flags start waving & the warning bells start ringing.

Our Anger Is NOT a Valid Excuse for Our Own Sin

I am not endorsing retaliation, vengeance, “them getting what they deserve,” lashing out, bitterness, slander, or any other sinful ways God warns us not to engage in when we’re angry, either. (Read that list here: Colossians 3:8 & Ephesians 4:31-32, even taking a minute to look up what each word actually means, like malice is ill will toward someone & clamor is shouting/making loud noises in anger—taking time to look these up in the dictionary individually will really help that truth settle in your heart.)

So what then? If stuffing it does not prove we “have faith” & reacting the way we often feel like reacting is sin against God… how are we supposed to deal with anger then?

Have You Ever Read through the Psalms?

Well, I get to reading Psalms for the whateverth time & something new starts to dawn on me as I read: David & the other authors of the Psalms did NOT sugar coat their prayers or water them down or “Christianize” them.

Their prayers are raw. Many are ANGRY. Some are even violent. (Read Psalm 143 for an example of big, unfiltered, raw emotions with ANGER involved, too.)

But how do most, if not ALL of these prayers end? … In PRAISE to God, almost a: “THIS IS HOW I AM FEELING!!! … but… God, I trust You because You know what You’re doing & You’re bigger than me & I know I can trust You no matter how awful or out of control things may look right now.

Wow. True FAITH is NOT stuffing emotions or sugar-coating them away… it’s being raw & real with God about said emotions & then remembering all the reasons God is good for it & can be trusted with it.

Not Only Are Feelings Okay… Let’s See How to DEAL with Them

And considering the context of other instances/verses about anger that I had read, it started to all come together with both the angry Psalms & 2 other main verses I noticed:

1. Be angry & don’t sin—being careful not to give room for the devil to exploit it. (Ephesians 4:26-27)
2. Love your enemy & pray for those who spitefully use you/persecute you. (Matthew 5:43-44)

Take Stock: What Triggers Your Anger?

Maybe it’s from feeling misunderstood or having your character questioned from said misunderstanding.

Maybe it’s from someone being unkind, aggressive, or ruthless toward you.

Maybe it’s from witnessing a gross injustice.

Maybe it’s from something not going your way or hours of planning & preparation just ending up doing zero good for the situation at hand.

Maybe it’s trauma related & you are cut deeeep.

When Does It Feel Like You Have No Choice but to Steam or Scream?

Maybe it’s watching political parties & so many news channels act more akin to schoolyard bullies rather than grown, professional adults as they represent our country.

Maybe it’s seeing the awful, terrible, long-reaching effects of sin in our world & how ugly it is to watch unfold.

Maybe it’s a diagnosis.

Maybe it’s the death of someone you love.

Maybe it’s birthed from life just being out of your control, like a storm destroying everything around you & you can’t seem to be able to do anything to stop it.

What Makes You So Angry You Forget to Pray about it First?

Maybe your kids back-talked one too many times or a car road-raged against you one too many times or your spouse made a stray stinging comment one too many times.

Or feeling unappreciated, neglected, bullied, ostracized, criticized, alone, wronged, cheated, cheated on, etc.

There’s a lot to get angry about, isn’t there?

And with all of that, I had learned this idea that I am not supposed to feel any of it?

How?!

Anger Is So Tempting to Hold onto, Isn’t It?

I have talked a lot recently about people criticizing & judging & making you feel small. I have experienced all of that, whether intended or not. It hurts… & anger can definitely spring up with hurts like that, along with your gradually shrinking internally.

And anger can feel good, can’t it? Like validation. Like, “yeah, I have a RIGHT to this!” All the while rehearsing the situation over & over & over again in your head?

Anger can feel like control… like we’re taking the control back.

It can feel like if we don’t… they get away with it… like the wrong never happened. And it feels a little bit like: “I can’t ever let that happen.”

But, God warns us not to hold on to our anger. (Hebrews 12:15)

It Comes Back to This Pesky Little Truth: We Need Surrender

Well, this isn’t always the most comfortable or popular answer—& it certainly is NOT a NATURAL response—because refusing to release anger, holding onto it toward bitterness & MORE feels like it’s justified & validating… but the answer is one word that just keeps on coming back up: SURRENDER.

Taking a deep breath… or two… or three…. Closing your eyes….And turning your heart & hurt toward God:

“God, I can’t. I can’t love them. HOW am I supposed to love them? HOW am I supposed to thank You in ALL circumstances? Please forgive me for being so tempted to hate. To rage. To just scream & wish them to get what they ‘deserve.’ I will not avoid or minimize this feeling or deny it happened or justify it for them, because what happened WAS wrong. But I also know that this anger I am feeling, as natural as it is to feel it, ought to be a trigger to pray for the situation… a reminder that I need You & that this person or this situation needs YOU. That’s what the anger should trigger in me rather than me taking control in it. Help me give it to You. Help me to enTRUST it to You. Help every rightful spark of anger lead me back to You for help. Thank You for not holding my own wrongs against me. Jesus paid for this, too. It was no small sacrifice because it was no small wrong. Please help me to also not minimize the sacrifice You gave with Your life, like a lamb to the slaughter… for me… & even for this. Help me to love like You love—even when it is undeserved. Help me let go of needing validation or control, trusting that holding onto it versus trusting You with it IS sin. Help me trust You with it even when it really, really hurts. You are God & I am not. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m not even saying it feels good. But it’s what we NEED when we are angry.

Am I Willing to Make the CHOICE?

When I feel angry oh boy do I want to STEW. I want to rehearse. I want to replay it in my head a thousand times to see what I could have done to prevent it or where I messed up or how they could have ever done something like that to me. I feel HURT. I take it personally. I cry & sometimes want to scream. Profanity even slips into my thoughts where I have to lay that down immediately & repent sometimes several times in a row if I am provoked several times in a row. Clenched fists & jaw & sometimes I just want to give up & say, “God, I am ready, bring me home!” When I am hurt, I hurt big sometimes. I feel too weak for this world sometimes because of it.

Responding rightly WHEN we are rightfully angry IS NOT EASY.

But it’s how we ought to respond to our anger nonetheless. It’s a choice we have to CHOOSE to make. We need to INTENTIONALLY turn it over to God & ask for His righteous judgement & able hand to take it from there… to ask for help in learning to thank Him even when everything seems awful, & for help trusting that He really is enough & though anger can feel good, it’s not worth holding onto.

CHOOSE to Praise Him & Trust Him

Shine HOPE by being a quick repenter when your anger tempts you to respond in a way that dishonors or displeases God, choosing to trust God to help you even when everything just feels plain awful.

(***Need a song to help you go from expressing your hurt to God to praising Him for all the MANY reasons you have to trust Him through every bit of any type of anger you may be feeling? Go have a listen to CeCe Winans’ “Goodness of God.” What a humbling song of surrender, washed in His wonderful goodness through ANY trial.***)

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week.

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for almost THREE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Independence Bracelet Set (UGANDA)

LIMITED EDITION – While Supplies Last! Purchase the Independence Bracelet Set to receive the Star-Spangled Bracelet from India and the Firecracker Bracelet from Uganda!

Star-Spangled Bracelet is a fun addition to your festive look, featuring half gold-tone beads and half silver-tone beads. The Firecracker Bracelet is handmade using handmade red paper beads strung by women in Uganda earning a fair wage for their work. Each design is creating safe, fair paying jobs for women in two countries! What a beautiful way to celebrate independence!

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me to continue supporting them as well as continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

How Prettied Up Do I Have to be… to Worship?

Well, I’m starting this day off right… with a headache.

I used to think that worship was: me at my best, with a smiling face, wearing nice clothes, in church before the service, singing to the worship songs led by the praise team.

Of course, there was also me singing in my car to worship music as well.

But all of it was usually me at my best, singing (with a smile) to God.

In a Whole Heap of Pain? WORSHIP Him

I still remember a couple years ago, when I was attacked by an animal & had to rush to the hospital… recovering from the trauma of that, feeling newfound fear I had never had to deal with before of whether or not it would happen to me again because the attack was so unexpected.

As I was praying for peace & comfort from the fear & trauma response I was dealing with, God’s answer caught me off guard. He impressed upon my heart to worship & praise Him.

How unusual a solution to all of the inner pain & fear that was knocking around inside of my heart… how insensitive a solution it seemed.

But after many more prayers basically of, “well, obviously THAT can’t be the real solution You are offering… so… what else?” Well… God kept repeating the same solution over my heart. “Worship me. Praise me.”

(Read more on this in “Will I Praise Him in the Storm? Do I Trust God?”)

How Can I Praise Him When They Don’t Mean It?

Then, there was the time, 15 ish years ago, when I was helping at some youth group whatever & the praise team seemed more like a mini rock concert of teens leading & feeling uber spiritual while getting to feel like popular rock stars among their fellow teens.

It felt icky listening because I can sometimes get a sense for how people are feeling & they were just oozing “LOOK AT ME!” while leading WORSHIP to GOD.

I had a hard time singing along. I prayed about it a lot because it really messed with me seeing self-absorbed reactions instead of humble worshippers on stage.

But, in one of the teen services, something smacked me in the face as I prayed during this time once again. “Whether or not THEY are genuine should not impact whether or not YOU are genuine in your worship.”

Ouch.

Worship Anytime Anywhere to Any Song

And again, in conversation with one of my former pastors, a friend of ours, he expressed quite a controversial thought… that ANY music can become worship.

At the mall with no choice over the play list? You can worship God to it in your heart.

How? Well, imagine the song is about LOVE. Who created us to experience such a wonderful feeling? God. Imagine it’s about having a good day. Who is the author of all good things? God.

And you know what? I am going to take it a step FURTHER to be even MORE controversial than he was…. What if they’re singing about something sinful? Gasp… you can thank God for saving you out of such a life. Worship. (Would I intentionally listen to something that promotes things that dishonor God? No. But if I am around as it is playing in a public space, even then, I can choose to worship.)

AND… flipping this idea on its head & making it even MORE controversial… you can sing actual Christian worship songs & actually be devoid of any worship at all. (Read more about that, here: “Does Our Worship Reflect Self-Glory?”)

Worship Is Not Exclusive to Singing to or Listening to Music

You see, worship is not some pre-packaged set of worship songs sung before a church service while being led by a hands-raised praise team. Worship doesn’t even require music at all.

True worship is actually a heart posture.

True worship is a bowing down of SELF & a lifting up of HIM.

It says, “Not I, but Christ.”

It says, “Whatever You will, LORD.”

It says, “Come what may, I will trust You IN the hard.”

It says, “Above all, You are worthy to be praised!”

It takes our focus off of this world… off our desires… off our needs… off ourselves….

And onto Him.

THAT is worship.

Come What May, He Is Worthy to be Praised

It does not mean being fake. Don’t get me wrong on this. It is not a, “I feel terrible, but I have to be ‘Christian-y’ & make God happy & do right responses to get Him to help me or so I don’t look like a ‘bad Christian.’”

No. It is an intentional heart posture that bows down before His figurative throne/feet & says, “Lord, You are God & I am not. You are worthy to be praised despite my circumstances. Help me to trust in You come what may because You deserve it whether I feel like it or not right now.”

What Is Worship?

Loving others for His sake is worship. Serving others for His sake is worship. Bowing your will to the benefit of others for His sake is worship.

Giving for His sake is worship. Generosity for His sake is worship. Sacrifice for His sake is worship.

Doing hard things for His sake is worship. Obedience to Him is worship.

Turning to Him instead of others/other things is worship. Bowing your bad attitude to be humbled & changed for His sake is worship. Bowing your life to be used by Him is worship.

Living your life seeking to please & honor Him is worship.

Coming to Him after failure & sin & trusting on Jesus to be sufficient even then is worship.

Sobbing as you cry out to Him in the worst of pain, trusting Him as your source of comfort & peace is worship.

Worship Is Messy Sometimes

Worship is messy sometimes. Worship says that no matter what we face, He is worthy to be praised.

And you know what? That time, after I was attacked by an animal & God responded to my prayers for help by asking me to worship? When I finally stopped questioning His response & stopped asking for the next option… & I worshipped Him in my clenching, aching heart… I felt the burden begin to lift from my heavy heart.

My heart was being comforted in remembering how greatly He is to be praised despite my circumstances. That He had me. That He was in control. That He would heal. That He would comfort. That He would love me through it.

Worship lifted my focus from my wrenching pain to His wonderful glory.

Worship Doesn’t Always Have to Look Pretty

I mean, have you read the Psalms? They are not all pretty, sunshine, & rainbows. But they are all worship.

Worship is messy sometimes. Sometimes it’s with a heavy heart & a tear-stained face. Sometimes it’s when the hard hasn’t even begun to stop yet. Sometimes it doesn’t make everything get better right away.

But it lifts our focus from the mire & clay & ASH… to His wonderful, loving, powerful, gracious, worthy & deserving face.

My God Is an Awesome God, He Is Worthy to be Praised

My God is an awesome God

He is worthy to be praised.

When my sin demanded payment.

Jesus took my place.

I deserve the pits of Hell,

But Jesus died to save.

When all in life seems to die,

And nothing seems to be okay.

My Jesus died to give me life.

My joy is here to stay… come what may…

My God is an awesome God.

He is worthy to be praised.

AMEN!

Even When I Have a Headache

So, why did I start this blog off by randomly mentioning a headache before moving on with this discussion about messy worship? Because even when I am not at my best, even when I don’t feel so great… I can choose to bring Him glory & to worship Him through even that, by choosing to lift up His name even when I am feeling low.

Shine HOPE by turning your eyes to Him & offering Him worship in every season of life, good or bad, plenty or lack, joy or pain, comfort or suffering. He is worthy to be praised!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over 5.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Colorwave Earrings (East Asia)

Beautiful swirls of multicolor resin make these Colorwave Earrings mesmerizingly fun and fashionable! The oval shaped resin hangs from a 14K gold plated stainless steel earring hook creating a stunning look, perfectly adding an extra pop of color to your style! These ethically made earrings support women rescued from brothels.

*****Every purchase provides safe housing, health care, trauma counseling, job skills training, and dignified income for sex trafficking survivors in East Asia.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Grace, by Definition, Is Undeserved.

When you see the title including this little Christian-y sounding phrase of “a grace-filled life,” I don’t want you to misunderstand me. I don’t say it to sound flowery & extra spiritual, as if my life is so wonderful that I describe it as a grace-filled life.

No, when I use that phrase, it is with a very real understanding that it displays how undeserving I am of all that God has done in my life. All He promises me. All He paid for me.

I want every chapter in the story of my life–every high, every low, every failure, every victory, every weakness, & every strength–to be a testimony that points to Him as my hope in every season, all along the way, so that you too can learn to look to Him in every chapter of your own life story… to shine HOPE (in Him) like you were always meant to.

You were made for this… to give God GLORY… even in the small things.

“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:31)

God Has Always Been

By now, you can probably see that this compilation of testimony that is my life is not one marked by faith & faithfulness on my part, as if pointing to my life as praiseworthy… but by the grace that God has extended to me through all of my failings & shortcomings, because of Who HE is.

He has stood by my side & lifted me out of my mire & grown me through it all… all the highs & the many lows (often self-inflicted).

Growing up a Christian, since I was merely 5 years old, has given me a unique perspective that not many adults-become-Christians get to see. Even as a child, when I had very little to contribute & very little understanding or knowledge, when very little credit could be given to me… God still was. He still worked in my life all the way through it, even in the seasons where I wondered if I would be better off serving myself rather than God… even in my seasons of deep doubts… even when I was rebellious & turned from Him… even in seasons where I wanted to die.

He was faithful every step… even at my worst.

I am No Better Than Anyone

I have been “doubting Thomas.” (John 20:25) I have been “over-eager Peter” who then failed horribly. (Luke 22:33; Luke 22:54-62) I have wrestled with my flesh like Paul. (Romans 7:15-20) I have cowered in fear of God’s call like Gideon. (Judges 6:11-16) I have failed beyond measure like David (2 Samuel 11-12). I have trusted my own solutions like Abraham & Sarah. (Genesis 16:1-2) I have doubted I was capable of God’s calling like Moses. (Exodus 4:10) I have run away like Jonah. (Jonah 1:3) I have promised obedience & faithfulness forever only to get lulled back to living for myself like the Israelites. (Half of the Bible seems to reference this.) I have lived like the prodigal son, only to realize I needed to come home & beg for scraps from God only to see Him welcome me with open arms. (Luke 15:11-32) I have questioned God like Job in hard seasons. (Job 38) I have chosen to want to be the one to know & decide for myself, lured by what looks so good… like Eve. (Genesis 3:6)

And like all of these testimonies we read about in God’s Word, the Bible, the common thread is NOT how praiseworthy these men & women were… but how awesome, powerful, forgiving, loving, sovereign, & how gracious GOD IS.

It’s Strange to be Back

Coming to this final chapter (to be continued, I’m sure), it seems fitting that my husband & I are back on Guam.

If you read one of my first few chapters, about when we moved here the first time, back in 2012 (read about that, here), you know that my time here was one of the most difficult & lonely seasons of my life. Other side of the world, limited “international calling hours window,” husband who worked more often than didn’t, hard time connecting with others, couldn’t find a job, couldn’t get involved, had no car to start with, typhoons, etc.

It felt like life whiplash moving here from where I grew up, near all of my family & friends, after having just graduated late from Liberty University with a Bachelor’s in Business Marketing & having been very active in student leadership/ministry.

Then… Guam.

Our 7 Years in Japan

Then we moved to Hokkaido, Japan, where the isolation was even more intense because of the language barrier.

And I didn’t handle it well with all of my prayers for, “PLEASE, just make the hard STOP!!!!” And it didn’t.

But God didn’t waste any of that, as you have seen. He turned it all for my good, as He always does & promises to do. All for my good & for His glory.

Then, Misawa, Japan, where I began to heal, make meaningful connections & friendships, community, getting involved again at church, etc.

The Day I Got the News…

And then… Guam again.

I still remember my hubs calling me excitedly to tell me all about this opportunity.

Now, keep in mind that every conversation we had ever had in recent years about potential change was us moving to Florida in a couple years from then & settling there stateside.

So, naturally… I thought he was talking so excitedly about & leading up to us moving to FLORIDA sooner than expected. Joyous anticipation was beginning to bubble up in me as he gushed about this job he was so eager to tell me about… FLORIDA!

But no… he finishes his “how it came about” story & topped it off with: “& guess… where… it… is…..!!!!” (pause for dramatic effect) “GUAM!”

I think my heart crashed to the floor quicker than it ever has in that moment. My eyes blanked out as I stared forward like the wind had just been knocked out of me…. Like I had just been sucker-punched in the gut.

Guam…?

GUAM….

NOT Guam…. PLEASE not Guam….

But yes… it was Guam.

Heh. Finally healing. Finally feeling a sense of community & friendship & involvement at church… & then BACK to GUAM?!? I did not have fond memories of my time on Guam.

Then a Tremendously Difficult Move to Add on Top of My Already Unwilling Participation in Said Move

The next year was one I don’t ever desire to repeat. God swung open doors I wanted to lean my back into with my full body weight to keep them from opening. He was like THROWING pieces together to make this happen.

Satan kept knocking the floor out from under us the whole way with sure things being cancelled last minute & misfiled & all the things that made us think it was all going to fall apart… but then, God was like miraculously making it happen anyway, every single time.

As if Satan was throwing up unsurmountable-seeming obstacles at every turn & God was just SMACKING THEM DOWN as if those obstacles were NOTHING.

God clearly wanted us on Guam. So clearly. (I didn’t want to be there… but God was making it happen anyway.)

I Knew He OUGHT to Win… But I Didn’t Want Him To

And I absolutely hated it. I became basically an adult version of a kid having a complete temper tantrum in my heart. Crossed arms, furrowed brows, angry pout, huffs… all of it. I did not want to go back there (here).

Surrender on this one was especially hard for me. I knew God OUGHT to win… because He always knows what He is doing better than me… I just didn’t WANT Him to win.

And to make things worse, as I mentioned… the move was hard every step of the way. Nothing was straight-forward. Nothing was simple. Nothing worked the way it was meticulously planned ahead of time to work.

And getting here didn’t get ANY better… for so many reasons.

That was a year for the BOOKS. And then there were some who were completely NON-gracious about it the whole way through, adding emotional hurt to top all of it off. I mean, why not, right? What’s one more thing to cry about? That’s how it felt some days.

Looking Back

But now, we’ve gotten to this point in my life, & we can look back at all of the different seasons of serious HARD I have been through… even in handling a lot of them quite terribly… & we can see this common thread shine through:

God is able. God knows what He is doing. God is in control. God never wastes hard. God is faithful. God is enough. God can where I can’t. God is a gracious God.

I can trust Him. Everything He does… EVERYTHING… ALWAYS works out for MY good… & HIS glory. ALWAYS.

Even. When. I. Prove. I. Don’t. Deserve. It. Even when I prove it over & over & over & over & over again!

God redeems. God is gracious.

And this isn’t just a “when I get to heaven” thing. I can trust Him with my life even right now.

It doesn’t mean life is going to be all rainbows & sunshine. It won’t. But God never wastes our struggles. He works them for our good & His glory every time… if our hope is placed in HIM.

A Lot Has Happened in 2 Years… How Has It Been 2 Years?

This summer will be 2 years back on Guam now… hard to believe it’s been this long already… seriously feels like it’s been less than a year… & yet it also feels like an eternity. I guess a crazy difficult move that lasted for several months, a house that needed a lot of different work done when we moved in, some traveling, plus a devastating super typhoon last summer made time seem to go by quickly.

But here we are… 2 years back on Guam in just a few months.

I won’t lie to you…. There are still some scars that hurt a little when poked. Some trauma probably from last time leaving me distrusting & unsure of myself here.

But God has also used this place to heal many of the things that were hurt last time we lived here. He has shown me how He is able to spiritually mature & grow a whole church/church body versus just only individuals. He has allowed me to experience & learn to enjoy the blessings of a place I once felt mainly only memories of pain.

I Still Have a Very Long Way to Go

I wasn’t quite 30 last time we moved here & now, as of this past November, I am 40. It’s a different perspective with these last 10 years of growth behind me now.

I still have some healing to do… still have some areas that I need to surrender to God for healing versus holding back by trusting the lies & hurts of my trauma. But God wanted me here for a reason… & I trust Him with that come what may.

Shine HOPE by trusting that God is gracious. My grace-filled life is because of His grace… not because of my deserving… but I will strive to let every chapter of my story point back to Him as my faithful, true, & lasting HOPE through it all.

All glory & honor & praise to God, forever & ever, AMEN!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over 5.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Avina Tote (INDIA)

This stunning patchwork-inspired, quilted tote bag is handcrafted by women rising above the grip of poverty in India. Each Aviva Tote features three various floral patterns in different shades of blue, pink, yellow, and green beautifully sewn together. Keep your essentials organized and secure inside this tote’s roomy interior that features a zipper pocket, slip pockets, and magnetic closure.

*****Every purchase of this tote helps support women with fair jobs, help educate girls, and families leaving slums in India.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Doesn’t Make Any Sense Logically… & Yet

It’s funny that this is my topic this week because last night I couldn’t manage to sleep at all. I ended up falling asleep around 8:30am & getting up around 12:30pm. I wanted to sleep so much longer, but was afraid it would mess with my sleep tonight, so I decided I would just get up.

Last year, there was something I learned about God that makes zero sense to me… through a time period of consistent sleeplessness. Really, it isn’t logical, seems “overly spiritual” & just something you say to SOUND super spiritual… but I have actually, surprisingly found it to be 100% accurate, as make believe as it sounds.

This concept I’m talking about is that of considering God AS my strength. Not just that you might feel a little boost of strength when you pray for strength, but that even when you have absolutely no strength, He can be your strength for you.

I learned this truth pretty clearly last year, although definitely against my will.

2 Months of Torture

You see, I went through 2 months of sleeplessness. Maybe a night or two a week, I would sleep a whole 5-7 hours, another couple of nights, maybe 2-4 hours… but the other 2-3 nights I would get about 0-2 hours.

As you can imagine, I was WEAK. Physically, mentally, emotionally… WEAK. And I cried a lot. A LOT.

It felt like torture. Legitimate, actual torture.

I called it “the princess & the pea syndrome” because it would seem that even the littlest crease in my sheet beneath me would make me acutely aware of it where I absolutely could not ignore it… like my senses were always on high alert every single night.

And this wasn’t anxiety-induced. I wasn’t tossing & turning analyzing every aspect of my day or every word out of my mouth.

And it wasn’t restlessness either… no pent-up energy keeping me from settling down to rest.

No. I would be clear-minded, body limp with tiredness… & yet any little thing would jolt my alertness up several notches & the cycle of drifting off to jolting awake & back again would happen over & over & over & over & over & over again.

Talk about MADDENING.

I Didn’t Always Handle It So Well…

Now, I would like to sound super spiritual & say something like, “you know what, when I realized I wasn’t going to sleep each night, after 1 whole week of it… 2 weeks of it… 4 weeks… 6 weeks… EIGHT WEEKS OF IT… well, each time I just closed my eyes & thanked Jesus for some extra time to spend with Him in prayer & then I went & got my Bible & spent each night praising Jesus!

But that didn’t happen.

Some nights I did spend some time talking to God about it & about life & about other people in my life… turning to Him in it.

Most nights I just tried everything in the world I could think of to keep myself from legitimately going clinically insane as a result—snacks, tv, phone videos, games, ANYTHING to make myself not want to pick up each individual shoe in my closet & chuck them all against the wall one-by-one.

And there were ALSO nights where I would roll to be face first into my pillow so I could silent scream some of my frustration into it or get up to sit at the dining room table, bury my face in my hands, & just SOB for a good hour or more.

And some nights I just resigned to it, like, “Okay, we’re doing this again? Okay. Sure. Here we go again, I guess.”

It was awful. Quite literally awful.

Consistent Physical Discomfort… BLEH

I hate discomfort & let me tell you that being super tired & yet any little thing being enough to keep you from treasured sleep as it keeps jolting you awake… yeah, it was quite literally awful.

Headaches. Grogginess. Low energy. Low ability to focus. Sometimes even nausea because lack of sleep does that to me.

Some mornings I was “just” a complete zombie & other mornings it seemed I had a permanent scowl burned onto my face like you should probably clear a path & stay out my way unless you wanted to start a fight. It wasn’t pretty.

But as God tends to do… promises to do… he used this awfulness for my good.

I’m a Slow Learner… I Want Comfort

Sometimes I wish I could just learn lessons a teensy tiny bit faster. Anyone else? Like, let’s speed this lesson up because BOY is it not fun.

I feel like Paul handled his “thorn in his side” thing way better than me… or maybe he felt just as miserable, just with recognizing the value that comes from it, because he DID use the word “DISTRESS” & I have personally never heard of an enjoyable, non-painful/uncomfortable type of DISTRESS. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

But his perspective stayed true in understanding that God always had a plan & would use it for both his good & God’s glory… ALWAYS. (Genesis 50:20; Romans 8:28)

And so God did with me in my sleeplessness.

I learned several clear lessons:

1. Quick repentance is necessary & freeing in our very human weakness reality.
2. God very much can BE my strength when I have NONE.
3. My excuses that kept me back were all unnecessary because God can help me.

The Freedom Clean Slate of Quick Repentance

Having a “Jesus paid for that too” type of mindset is such a valuable thing… trusting that Jesus’ sacrifice was sufficient for all of it, come what may. What a freeing thing that is!

Quick repentance is something I talk about a lot, but it is basically the idea that any time something crosses your mind that dishonors God, whether it be temptation to be bitter at someone, have ill will toward someone, just wanting to quit, or whatever else… realizing that my humanness is trumping what God is capable of… in other words, I am leaning on my limitations so much that I refuse to submit to the fact that God has none… that no matter what it is, I need to ask for forgiveness for that from God & ask Him to help me change it moving forward.

How I Often Respond Versus How God Responds… & Repenting of the Difference

Bitter? Is that how God responded to my sin & His need to pay my debt through Jesus on the cross? I don’t think so. Love compelled Him, not bitterness. (John 3:16-17)

Ill will? Nope, God, through Jesus, sacrificed willingly versus retaliating. (Isaiah 53)

Just wanting to quit? Why? Because I can’t handle it? Or I don’t want to? Then I am discounting what God is capable of & my real complaint is my lack of self-sufficiency & not wanting to have to rely on my need for Him over myself.

Quick repentance takes those situations & thoughts & “takes every thought captive” by turning it right away to an apology to God because He knows our every thought… asking Him to change us from the inside out. (2 Corinthians 10:5; Psalm 139:23-24)

Sample Prayers of Quick Repentance

“I’m sorry I am so tempted to feel bitter. Please forgive my bad attitude & help me have a better attitude about this… one that better pleases & honors You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

“I’m sorry I am feeling this angry toward that person for such & such. You made them, love them, & died for them, too. Please forgive me for my bad attitude toward them & help me to let You love them through my life. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

“I’m sorry I want to quit. I am frustrated at how difficult this is & I am wanting to be able to do it but can’t. Help me instead to trust You to be enough for me in it. Help grow me in that reliance on You instead of myself. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

These are obviously just a very few examples of the many scenarios that can arise, but you get the point: surrendering every thought that doesn’t please or honor God to Him & asking for His forgiveness & His help moving forward & changing perspective &/or patterns.

I Needed Quick Repentance EVERY MORNING

This became my every morning because in my sleeplessness, the morning grumpies were almost always a big problem for me. (I laugh a little as I write “big problem” because this sentence really makes them seem far more pleasant than they were in reality.)

Groggy, frustrated, tired, headache, AND needing to get ready for work. No, ma’am, my attitude some mornings was pretty not great.

And quick repentance became my morning ritual.

“Yeah. It’s me AGAIN. I’m so tired. I feel incredibly icky physically. My brain is a foggy mush. I just want to throw stuff at the wall, throw a fit, quit my job & all my responsibilities & live in my bed for the desperate off chance that MAYBE, JUST MAYBE I CAN SLEEP. I DON’T want to be doing anything right now. All of this sucks. I hate it SOO MUCH. But I know that my main frustration here is rooted in me wanting control back… me wanting to feel SELF-capable again… me idolizing comfort rather than wanting to depend on YOU for that. So please forgive me. Please change me heart because I just can’t. I want it so badly I could just scream… or cry… or both. Please help me depend on YOU. To remember YOU are what I NEED. Please help me trust You to BE my strength FOR ME. I’ve got nothin’. I NEED YOU. Please help me. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

This was basically my EVERY morning for 2 months. Same grumpies. Same frustrations. Same physical weakness. Same craving to be self-sufficient again. Same asking for forgiveness & a changed heart & attitude.

It was an everyday thing that He was faithful in every day.

God Is My Strength

He WAS my strength. God is my strength. EVERY DAY. Without fail.

I had to feel wretched & humble myself every stinking day. But He was faithful to provide every single day right along with it.

Some days were like when you miss one night of sleep & adrenaline just kicks in & you still have a great, productive day. But others were me feeling so weak without a break from it through the whole day, begging God to help me in every single step of it… & it was like He would highlight ONE SINGULAR TASK in my mind to do just that one thing. So I would chip away at it mindlessly until it was done & He would highlight the next step for me until the day was done.

And I got to see Him BE my strength when I had NONE.

The Big WOW Moment

I’ve always had a strange relationship with sleep. Some seasons are easy breezy. Others leave me desperate to fall asleep but failing. I never know when it will switch… when it will be good… or awful. And as a result, I have ALWAYS set my alarm to the last possible second.

Have I wanted to have a quiet time with God to start my each & every day with a focus on Him & surrendered heart to Him & His will for my day? Sure. But HOW?!

And then, it all became so clear to me.

If, when sleep would just refuse come despite every strained effort of mine… God was my sufficiency in my complete & utter lacking….

How much more so if I CHOSE to give up some extra sleep in order to spend time with Him to honor His value in my life? That excuse of squeezing out every minute of sleep kept me back for SO LONG. And now I was set free from that fear holding me back again!

How Often Do I Underestimate the God Who Made Me?

God was able where I was not. God would supply where I could not.

And if something honors & pleases Him… knowing He is infinite… I can trust 100% that I can count on His help in that sacrifice for His glory.

Quick repentance… clean slate… He is my strength… even when I have zero… He will help me honor Him… even when it feels impossible.

God is good all the time. All the time, God is good. EVEN IN THE HARD.

Shine HOPE by looking to Him as your strength, by being a quick repenter, & by trusting Him to help you honor, please, glorify, & obey Him even when you feel you just absolutely cannot, knowing HE CAN.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over 5.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Patina Earrings, Patina Clay Bracelet, Golden Orphan Prevention Necklace (HAITI & INDIA)

*****All of these pieces are handcrafted in Haiti & India, & every piece that you purchase empowers these women artisans out of extreme poverty, helping with orphan prevention in these areas!*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!