Let’s Keep Learning…

It seems there is no rest for me lately with lessons learned… hard lessons.

First was trusting God with moving where I didn’t want to go, leaving a place I wanted to stay, needing to wrestle with the anger, hurt, & fear to trust & learn to desire God’s will & plan over my own… then the chaotic move that had Satan seemingly throwing obstacles at our every turn, needing to run blind & just trust that God would clear a way where there seemed no way… then all the stuff with the house & needing to rest that in His hands… to 2 months ish of consistent sleeplessness, where I learned He is sufficient & faithful & can be my strength even when I have none & that He would thus also provide the strength I needed if I gave up sleep on purpose to honor Him with a regular morning quiet time… it’s been a trying year for sure.

God Proves Himself… I Doubt Him in a New Way… My Weak Faith

And now, this. Ugh. I feel like the Israelites going through the wilderness… hardship at every turn, yet God always provides & leads & proves Himself mighty, strong, worthy, & more than sufficient—He provided their food, water, made sure their clothing never wore out & their feet never swelled on their long journey (Deuteronomy 8:4; Psalm 78:20-25). That’s pretty crazy! PLUS, the grand rescue from Egyptian enslavement! And yet… they continuously grumbled against God versus remembering to GO TO GOD.

That’s me. Grumbling. Always grumbling…. The, “not agains” are too many to count.

You would think I would sit back & say, “After all that? Nah, I have nothing to worry about. God will take care of it somehow like He always does… I just need to turn to Him as my help & sufficiency!” But, no… I grumble with each new struggle.

Idols Aren’t Always So Obvious

I have been working through a daily devotional on food freedom, learning to turn to God versus anything else we may turn to… including food.

Well, for me, it’s mainly the eating out. “I’m bored… let’s eat out.” “I had a bad day… let’s eat out.” “I feel angsty & numb & want to feel SOMETHING… let’s eat out.”

Sensing a pattern with me here? An idol maybe? Yep.

It’s not just the eating out temptation as my go-to fix-all… it’s the tv binging some days, & the video scrolling for hours on my phone, or the gaming that starts as an hour & ends with the sun setting. These things have become almost synonymous with NECESSITY versus an option.

My Coping Mechanisms have become my idols–what I turn to instead of God as my help.

I’ve Come a Long Way, But There’s Still More Growing to Do…

You see, as you probably or may know, in my struggle with depression (not depressive thoughts, but the chemical imbalance in my brain that sometimes coats me in oppressive brain fog, numbing over, losing any care for anything because I just feel so full of NUMB in my brain that it’s sometimes physically tiring to try to get myself to care about something), I have come so far from where I once was.

And I thought I was doing pretty well.

I have learned that there’s a distinction between 1. the cause (chemical imbalance), 2. symptoms (brain fog, lack of motivation, tired, checked out), 3. consequences (feeling like every easy thing is way harder than it should be & noticing others’ responses to it), 4. Satan exploiting all of the above: “you’re a waste of space, you annoy everyone, you’re a burden, etc.” & 5. MY CHOICE in how to respond to all of the above: Trust God despite it staying hard, determining to set my focus on Him no matter how hard it may get… or spiral because Satan sounds so convincing. (Read more about these 5 distinctions in a previous blog post: “Understanding Depression with Discernment.”)

But I still have a long way to go… obviously.

What Exactly am I Afraid Of?

But, back to the devotional I mentioned earlier. She made a point about FEAR being a major motivator for overeating or eating poorly.

Her point was about feeling unworthy compared with others or something like that, but God has already worked me through the difference between my worth/value/beauty being completely separate from my HEALTH & caring for the one body God has made for & given to me. (Read more about that journey in a previous post: “Your Weight Does Not Determine Your Worth.”)

BUT… the fear thing stood out to me. I didn’t know why because that seemed a drastic thing to claim when I don’t consciously feel afraid of anything specific… especially not my worth being in question because of poor health.

So, I asked God to help me understand that. And as I continued the devotional, it all came to clarity… she asked me, as the reader, to list things that make me feel tense or afraid & as a counter to each, to list THE PEACE OF GOD as greater than anything I could fear.

And my response? My depression symptoms. The angst. The bored restlessness that seems surprisingly consuming at times. The empty numbness that sometimes envelops my brain. The screaming in my head to satiate, to run to comfort, to feel SOMETHING other than that. To hide. To run. To AVOID it.

Hiding My Fears Behind Coping Mechanisms

I thought my coping mechanisms were smart. I thought I was protecting myself. But in that great, strong security fence I had been building around myself, I realized it had inadvertently become my own prison… one of my own making… a sense of “go to those coping mechanisms, OR ELSE.”

I realized I had been hiding my fears behind coping mechanisms all along. That without them, I felt vulnerable… overwhelmed… treading water… my face tingling with anxiety… a weight on my shoulders & around my ankles that threaten to slowly drag me down to despair.

I thought I was doing so well, but I had placed my hope in “happy highs” that can never actually solve the problem or give me any real victory or hope….

The days I lose. The ambition that drowns in my avoidance of feeling all of the above. The empty hours. The wasted fulfillment. The perpetuating emptiness of time passed that can’t be regained. The looming threat.

Facing the Truth… That I Need Someone Greater Than My Coping Mechanisms

So, last night was rough. I was forced to face the truth… that my solution had imprisoned me.

I realized I didn’t know how to go to God in this. I didn’t know how to do anything but run, hide, & stuff. I didn’t know how to face it & overcome it. My coping mechanisms weren’t fixing the problem… they were helping me pretend I was AVOIDING it.

I realized that I didn’t actually trust God’s peace to be enough for me in this particular circumstance. My desperate rush to cover, hide, stuff, run, & avoid proved that.

And I’m afraid. I’m afraid of not running… of standing facing it… of being overcome by it if I don’t run. I’m afraid of losing to it.

I’m afraid God won’t be enough for me in it.

After ALL He has brought me through & ALL His faithfulness He has DEMONSTRATED to me… & I am here doubting… just like the Israelites.

It Took Me 3 Days…

Our sermon at church this week was “How to Lose Your Spiritual Way in 40 Days,” based on the Israelites going quickly from “whatever God says, we will do!!!” faith (Exodus 24:3; Exodus 24:18) immediately to drunken orgies & worshipping a golden calf because Moses went on the mountain & didn’t come back right away (Exodus 32). After ALL God had JUST brought them through miraculously & more than sufficiently (Exodus 15)! WHAT?!?!?

And here I am. Doubting God, too. After ALL He has brought me through even just this past year.

A Prayer of Surrender to Trust God… Even in This

“God, please forgive me. My coping mechanisms have clearly become a stronghold in me. I hold onto them. Satan uses them to convince me I need them more than I need You… or instead of You… that they will serve me better. And I have unknowingly bought into it hook, line, & sinker. Please forgive me! It just feels too much. I hate falling prey to my symptoms… of feeling vulnerable to them… of facing them versus running. I’m too scared. I can’t do it. Help me. Please forgive me. Help my unbelief. You are enough. You are ALWAYS enough. And You’re always faithful… & gentle… & kind… & You gave everything for me, through Jesus, when I didn’t & don’t deserve it. How can I doubt Your sufficiency & willingness here? You’ve proven Yourself. You are worthy of praise, God! Help me set down these chains. Take down my security fence. Become my refuge… my fortitude. Help me to rest in You as sufficient & nothing else. NOTHING ELSE. Help me re-write fulfilling coping mechanisms, with You at its center, clinging to You as my Hope, Guide, Counselor, Faithful Friend, Strength, & Sufficiency! You ARE Enough. I believe, Lord, Help my unbelief. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

Is there anything you’re running to instead of to God? What is your personal stronghold that you feel you NEED in place of God’s peace? Where do you feel God’s peace won’t be sufficient for you?

Shine HOPE by going to Him in ALL things. ALL THINGS. His peace… GOD’s peace… is sufficient!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for over FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Mabel & Walter the Bunnies (Vietnam)

LIMITED EDITION – while supplies last! Cuddly, soft, and lovable, Mabel the Bunny is adorable, mini, fair-trade fun with her cute pink flower and carrot accessory. Each bunny comes with an adorable carrot that is not attached to the bunny making it perfect for creative play! Artisans in Vietnam hand crochet each bunny with soft cotton-blend yarn and neutral cream, black, and pink colors that make this stuffed animal the perfect gift for any occasion or decor. Each huggable bunny is hand stuffed by visually impaired women in areas of extreme poverty.

Have you met Mabel’s best friend, Walter the Bunny? They make quite the pair!

***Every purchase of Walter or Mabel the Bunny provides fair-trade jobs for local women and villagers who are overcoming disabilities, homelessness, and extreme poverty in Vietnam.***

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

What Should Prayer Look Like?

If you’re wanting to learn what God says about prayer, a quick internet search on prayer verses in the Bible will bring up quite a few references to what the Bible (AKA God) says about prayer, but something I would like to highlight is a newer-to-me perspective on why I ought to pray.

I grew up believing that prayer was about asking for what I want. In fact the Bible even says to let our requests be made known to God:

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7) (emphasis added, & hey, it’s also our verse from last week! Read that post, here: “How You Can Have Impossible Peace.”)

But make no mistake… prayer is not about making God do what I want. And trust me… that’s a GOOD THING.

God Doesn’t Answer to Me… Will That Cause Me to Doubt Him?

Something I always seemed to misunderstand was how I could be expected to make my requests known to Him & NOT be trying to make God into my personal genie—as I had always been told He was not… because He isn’t. He is GOD. And God does not answer to me.

So, going through deep depression lows & other seemingly never-ending times of hardship in my life, I would do as the verse says… I would make my requests (to end my struggles) be made known to God.

But when He did not remove the struggles or hardships… well, I stopped finding it so easy to trust Him.

And guess what… that is Exactly what Satan wants to result from our hardships & struggles… to doubt God & to turn away from Him... from HOPE.

And so I have come to realize that while the Bible does instruct us to make our requests known to God… I was missing a key piece to the whole prayer thing.

Prayer is meant to help me get on the same page as God. To align my heart with His perfect will & steadfast peace. To trust He knows far better than I do.

Remember These Major Truths When You Pray

Really effective prayer stems from another few verses we ought to keep in mind as we pray (emphasis added):

1. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)
2. “Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out! For who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has become His counselor? Or who has first given to Him and it shall be repaid to him?” For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to Whom be glory forever. Amen.” (Romans 11:33-36)
3. ““For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways,
   And My thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9)
4. “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)
5. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” (Proverbs 9:10)

It’s okay to let God know your preference & to ask for it. But when looking at the above verses, it sounds like God is trying to tell us something there, doesn’t it? And boy do I need that reminder almost every day…. Our preference should not be the end-all-be-all, my-way-or-the-highway type of request… but a request of humility, understanding that in ALL things, GOD KNOWS BEST.

Fearing God Is Where It Ought to Start… Because of Some Pretty Awesome Reasons

Fearing God means recognizing really & truly that God is GOD & we are NOT–that’s why true wisdom starts there. Couple that with the fact that God tells us directly NOT to rely on our OWN understanding, well, it stands to reason that when we pray, we ought to ask for HIS GOD-will to trump our own will… that He help us trust HIS will & that He uphold us in it & through it.

Prayer is not about bringing a grocery list of requests to God for Him to pop out as you ask them, allowing you to have your ideal life with zero struggle or pain.

Prayer is about bringing our requests to Him & asking with a BUT, “… BUT, help me to see YOUR will in this. Help me to face it in a way that honors YOU. Strengthen me & help me to give YOU glory—no matter the outcome, & help me trust that YOU will also be my enough every step through it & will work it out for my good because YOU are a good God.”

Pray your prayers with a heart of surrender, being willing to trade your preference for His perfectly wise & always GOOD will.

Who Would You Rather?

Consider it this way: If you had a choice between entrusting your faith to a toddler to help you know what is best… Or an adult… who would you rather call the shots? (Hint: We are the toddler in this scenario… & God is the adult, but so much more.)

Oh, we may want something REALLY badly & feel like it’s the absolute end of the world if we do not have it (our dream job, our dream guy, 2.5 kids with a white picket fence, or a clear bill of health–none of those are wrong to want, by the way)… But we only see & understand & know a mere FRACTION of what God sees, understands, & knows.

God sees & understands & knows EVERYTHING. Do we? I know I don’t.

(But let me tell you, it is getting harder for me to raise eyebrows at screaming, demanding-their-way toddlers nowadays because I’m beginning to realize how closely I must resemble them before God sometimes.)

So why oh why would we want & sometimes maybe even demand to get OUR way if it differs from GOD’S way?

God Is Good, So Good–Pray for His Will

I heard pastor & author Chip Ingram say in his video series on “God as He Longs for You to See Him”:

“God is all-wise & all-good, so if there was a gentler, kinder, better way for God to accomplish His perfect will for your life… That’s the way He would do it.”

-Chip Ingram

God knows what He’s talking about on literally EVERYTHING. So that’s why, when we pray, we ought to pray that God help us line up to His perspective & His will in the situation, that He help us trust in that even when we don’t really understand it or see how it could possibly be any good... that He help us through His way & in letting go of our way if it is His will.

“BUT, Your will be done… & help me to trust You through it… I don’t understand, but I know You do. And be my strength & guide & ENOUGH every step of the way.”

Do you pray to get your way or for help trusting God’s way?

Do You Pray to Get Your Way? Or for Help Trusting God’s Way?

Request your request, but have a heart willing to yield that request for His glory & His help through every step of it.

Because He may not give you what you so desperately want, but He WILL supply you with all you need through it, AS you lean into HIM as your Enough. He will NEVER waste your struggle or lack. EVER.

So, shine HOPE by turning your prayers from getting your way to asking for help in being willing to see God’s plan win over your own, & for Him to be your supply through it every step of the way.

He ALWAYS shows Himself faithful. And you can ALWAYS count on that.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for over FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Aventurine Lock Bracelet (Dominican Republic)

The naturally varying shades of genuine aventurine stone make every Aventurine Lock Bracelet from the Dominican Republic totally unique. Each stretch-to-fit bracelet features a gold-tone accent bead and a delicate gold lock charm.

*Every purchase of this bracelet supports a safe house in the Dominican Republic that provides housing, education, legal services, and trauma counseling for survivors of human trafficking.*

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

An “Impossible” Peace

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)

Have you ever stopped to consider what it really means to have peace that goes beyond your understanding?

I have talked on this before, but as I am learning more about daily, moment-by-moment surrender to God, to include my very grumpy mornings as of late, this concept of impossible peace has become a comforting, non-understandable companion of mine. And I want you to see how you can have it, too.

Many a Sleepless Night

You see, it has been a long time since I have slept well. And, while many have conjectured the reasons, whether it be hormonal or anxiety or whatever else, there really isn’t any clear explanation at all as to why I am not sleeping much.

It’s always different. I feel no anxiety or worries floating around in my head. I’m not thinking about anything at all & in fact, constantly feel in a state of “I’m about to drift off” but sometimes never actually do. The reason for my lack of sleep is never consistent.

There’s the stray dogs that gather outside our bedroom window & decide to join as a chaotic choir of shrill, loud barks in the middle of the night at random times. There’s my husband’s leg that jerks along with his dreams some nights as he sleeps. There’s the inconsolable itches in my nose or a clog I can’t seem to adequately clear or a tickle in my throat that threatens to explode into a barrage of loud, wake-the-husband coughs that I strain to contain. Sometimes it’s a fold in the sheets under my leg that my brain fixates on with hypersensitivity, like I am embodying the princess & the pea. And in the course of one single night, sometimes it is ALL OF THE ABOVE.

It has been rough. I’m not going to lie to you about that.

The Hard Hasn’t Stopped… But…

Some nights, after HOURS of “almost there, almost about to drift into deep, blissful sleep” moments where I am jerked awake by any one of those things I mentioned above… after hours of being so sleepy, so relaxed, so on the edge of slumber, but unsuccessful… well, sometimes I resort to silent screaming into my pillow, whimpering pathetically as quietly as I can, or just giving up altogether & just getting up.

In fact, after resorting to all three of those a few nights ago, I eventually sat down at my dining room table at around 4am, put my elbows on the table, put my face in my palms, & I just sat there & sobbed for about 20-30 minutes.

Frustration. Exhaustion. Maddening countless failed attempts to sleep. It was all too much. And this, mind you, is after MONTHS of this happening several times a week, if not more.

And I have prayed. OH HOW I HAVE PRAYED for it to stop so I could JUST SLEEP.

But no relief comes. But….

Does God Really Care? Even When It Stays Hard?

And to be honest with you, when times like this, where troubles just kept coming at me with little to no relief & my prayers seemed to be to no avail, I was really, really tempted & sometimes full-on gave in to doubting that God even cared about me at all.

Shame on me.

But God has been preparing me for this very season through my personally learned lessons of surrender lately. He’s been teaching me that He is enough when I am not even close. That He can be my strength when I am depleted. That He can hold me up & lift me when I feel sunken into the ground in defeat.

He really is enough.

And that’s what I want to urge you to consider. That He is enough, even when it makes absolutely no sense that you can feel you have lost everything & still have everything.

His Peace Seems Impossible When It Is Present on the Darkest of Nights

Impossible peace is not so impossible with God.

It is very much possible… through crying out to Him AS your help in times of trouble.

*Now, there is a pre-requisite, if you will… Knowing & accepting His Son, Jesus, as your Savior from your sin. We all sin. We all deserve Hell. But God offers hope, through Jesus. Do you know Him? (Read more about that in “Have You Met Jesus?” & “Am I Going to Hell?”) Because THAT peace is what your heart really craves above ALL else.*

You see, I used to think that crying out to Him as my help in times of trouble meant that I need to trust Him to fix everything for me so I can just be happy again.

But no. That’s not it.

Praise Him in Every Circumstance

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

“I will praise the Lord at all times.
    I will constantly speak his praises.” (Psalm 34:1)

This peace that goes beyond understanding, this IMPOSSIBLE PEACE, means that EVEN WHEN THE STORMS STILL RAGE… you can have peace through Him.

That is why the disciples could sing praise to God while sitting in prison. (Acts 16:24-25)

That is why God says to praise Him in every circumstance. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

That is why God says to not lean on our own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

How You Can Have Impossible Peace

My physical body is weak. I am tired almost all the time lately. I wake up so many days mad at my alarm, signifying that time is up… no more attempts for sleep tonight….

And I have a lot to surrender lately because of all that.

And I may feel like I am breaking, but I am not broken.

I may feel weak, but He IS my strength when I call out to Him.

My days may start off with an angry, temper-tantrum worthy attitude of frustration, but when I ask God to forgive me for it & I ask Him to be my enough somehow that day… He shows Himself quite enough for me every time.

How can you have impossible peace? Through calling out to Him AS your help.

I don’t like feeling weak. I don’t like feeling like I have to ask for help in the dumbest, littlest ways as if I am completely worthless… but let me tell you what… I like knowing He is enough, always, 100%.

Am I Willing to Surrender This to Him as My Help?

The question I have to ask myself when I am being broken down is this: “Am I willing to surrender this to Him for help? Am I willing to entrust my nothing for His everything? Or am I going to demand to feel I am enough on my own?”

Satan Wants Me Broken… Wants Me to Quit… But God Wants Me to KNOW God Is Enough, Even If

I strongly believe that my lack of sleep is spiritual warfare. If you doubt Satan does stuff like that, just spend some time reading the book in the Bible: Job. (Job) Because there is no clear reason, nor any CONSISTENT reason why I can’t sleep.

I feel like Satan is hating what I am learning about surrender, aka taking my lacking & knowing I can trade that in for God’s everything if I am but willing to surrender to His help versus demand I feel adequate on my own again.

I feel like Satan wants me to throw in the towel & say, “Heck no! This is NOT worth it! I feel tired all the time & it is so HARD & I HATE hard! Forget it! I want it to be easy again! I don’t want to NEED God for even the tiniest things! It’s TOO HARD! I quit!”

But God whispers gently the reminder that each & every time I have chosen surrender on those very hard mornings following bad sleep… that God was faithful… He showed up… He helped me put one foot in front of the other like a constant Companion & Guide… He comforted me in my most uncomfortable moments. That He was very much ENOUGH for me.

I am But Human… Thankfully, God Is MORE

Am I tempted some mornings to listen to Satan & throw in the towel & quit & say, “But I don’t WANT it to be HARD anymore!” Yes. Sadly, yes. I like feeling the lie that I can take care of myself just fine & rely on a restful night sleep after a long day so I can wake up refreshed & ready for the next day, feeling strong. I WANT THAT SO BADLY when struggling to sleep in the middle of the night!

But God has been giving me impossible peace each day when sleep happens to elude me. He has helped me see I can trust Him with more than I thought.

My Excuses… My Fears… Compared to God’s Everything

And He has shown me another very important thing through this hard, sometimes so frustrating journey… that my previous struggle of merely being a light sleeper kept me from thriving because I always chose extra chances for sleep versus taking time with Him every morning before I began each day, worried I wouldn’t sleep enough otherwise.

But now, I barely sleep anyway. And yet… God has shown Himself more than sufficient for me through it….

And if He is sufficient when I get no sleep, how much more so if I am getting less sleep ON PURPOSE because I desire to give Him honor by spending time with Him before I start each day, asking for His help & guiding hand to lead my thoughts & actions.

Satan wants me to stay stuck. To say, “See, you’re never guaranteed sleep… so just set your alarm as late as you can… or don’t set it at all… just in case.”

But if God can prove Himself to be more than sufficient in this season of intense & agonizing sleeplessness, then He can supply for me what I need in order to take some time each morning, intentionally, to spend time honoring Him each morning before I start my day.

No more living in fear of lack of sleep. I’m not getting much these days anyway.

I Can Have Impossible Peace… Even IN the Hard… & SO. CAN. YOU.

Time to surrender even my fear of not getting enough sleep to God & time to start asking Him to give me enough clarity of thought to spend time dedicating my day to Him each morning… even if I don’t get ANY sleep… & even if it means risking less sleep.

Because He really is enough. And He really can supply “impossible” peace… even when it seems, well, impossible… if I am but willing to surrender my need to Him AS my help.

Shine HOPE by not letting Satan call the shots or discourage you away from all the many ways God can stand in the gap for you & be your more than enough… by determining to rely on God’s impossible peace.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for over FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Kaia Earrings (Philippines)

These elegant eco-friendly earrings feature ethically sourced, sustainable, capiz shells that local families harvest from the bottom of the sea surrounding the Philippine islands. Artisans handcraft these natural capiz shells into blue ombré teardrop shapes and then wrap them in silver-tone metal frames before adding silver-tone fishhook ear wires.

*Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in the Philippines.*

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

When Everything Is Just Blank…

I am sitting at my computer just feeling completely blank. I have tried to think of what to say, have started typing several times on topics in the back of my mind… but nothing seems to stick. Nothing seems quite right… & so then it gets deleted.

So, I guess I am just going to start typing & see where God takes it today.

Feeling Tired. Feeling Numb.

My depression is a funny animal. Some days I feel pretty okay, some I thrive… but some days (like today) just feel like I am dragging. Everything feels hard.

It might also have something to do with the consistently choppy sleep I have been getting recently. So part of it is quite possibly just being plain tired. But I feel sort of numb, too, like I just don’t really care about much of anything.

Feeling this way makes it hard to do much of anything. I just want to glaze over & get through the day so I can try again tomorrow… or maybe next week. That’s just me being honest. I know sometimes I sound like a broken record when I have these days & talk about it, but the alternative is plastering on a fake smile & forcing out a cheery tone to make everyone else feel better about me not feeling better… but then I just feel like a fake & like what’s the point?

Quitting Just Makes It Worse

But I also don’t want to waste away my day, letting those feelings of blah win, because honestly, enough of those sorts of days piled up makes me feel defeated & they just seem to compound over time, sparking the feeling that my life is just one big waste. (Not a rabbit hole I want to go down again.)

So, that’s not really an option either.

Then what do I do? I’ve got nothin’. I feel blah. I just want to not bother because bothering just seems an added hard to the already existing hard.

Well, surprise, surprise… I go back to my old friend “Surrender.” And here we go again.

God Knows & God’s Enough

“God, I don’t understand why I’m not sleeping… why everything has to feel so hard so often. I feel like I struggle more than most people & that everyone is probably sick of hearing about it by now… so why do You allow it to keep happening? And why do I have to keep writing about how weak I am? I don’t understand why so many things keep me awake lately. I feel like I took sleep for granted & now I never seem to get enough of it. I feel like I’m drifting. I feel bored with & am numbing to life sometimes lately because everything seems grayscale. I crave color. I want to do great things for You, but then I feel like I am obviously not strong enough for it. I get it… I’m not enough. My humanness glares at me in times like this & it is so uncomfortable. I really hate it sometimes. Maybe that’s why You allow it? So I learn it’s not me I need to be trying to count on anyway, but You? I know I need to be better at that for sure. I’m sorry for craving self-sufficiency, for trying to fix it myself… instead of allowing it to be an opportunity to cry out to You as my help. Please forgive me. I like feeling strong & capable, but please teach me that You really are my Enough. Please be my Enough. Help me to somehow give You glory when all I feel like I want to be is a grumbling, grumpy, give-up quitter. Forgive me for thinking I have to have my strength & control back in order to be something or do anything of value for You. You are Enough. Be my Enough. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.”

Am I the Only One Who Feels So Weak So Often?

I don’t know if you ever feel like that? Or if it’s just me?

But boy am I NOT a fan.

But today, & hopefully every day following… I want to force myself to choose surrender & let God take my NOT ENOUGH & make it into something because HE IS ENOUGH.

Shine HOPE by making sure you remember that, too. Amen.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for over FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Rosa Bracelet (Guatemala)

Using traditional Guatemalan beading techniques, Artisans handcraft this feminine and romantic adjustable Rosa Bracelet to create a beautiful chain of petite purple diamonds with silver accents. Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in Guatemala.

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Surrendering to Hope

If you have ever faced tragedy, this is a question that could possibly have crossed your mind: “How am I supposed to hope in God when all feels hopeless?”

Lately, I have been talking a lot about the topic of surrender. (You can read those, here: “Surrender to God When His Plan Contradicts Yours” & “True Joy Comes in Living a Life of Surrender”). Well, this topic is really no different, but I want to share an encouragement with you to start off this conversation.

Let’s Start with Some Encouragement

Just like I mentioned last week, when I surrender to God on any given occasion, I am not numbing myself from what I want (to keep myself from hating God). Nor am I just tossing it to the wind as if to say, “Fine, whatever. I guess I don’t get what I want then,” hoping against all hope that maybe God will someday “change His mind.”

It’s not a surrender to the numbing. It’s not a surrender to the whatever happens, fine.

It’s an ENTRUSTING to an Almighty God who loves you so much that even knowing you wronged Him, knowing you could never do enough to “even the scales,” & knowing you could never hope to be good enough to earn reconciliation with God because of your fleshly sin nature… He made a way possible for that by sending Jesus, Who WILLINGLY paid your debt for you so you could receive forgiveness & reconciliation to God if you but put your faith & hope in HIM.

And it is no different when tragedy comes crashing through your life like a devastating tornado of destruction, ripping apart your hopes & dreams & everything you love… When everything turns hopeless.

How to Hope in God When All Feels Hopeless?

So, I ask again. HOW can you hope in God when all feels hopeless?

It’s a valid question from the perspective of human flesh. We can’t see what He sees. We can’t KNOW what He knows. And to us, to me (sometimes too often), it feels incomprehensible that a God who gave SO MUCH to express His love for me, through Jesus, could ever do anything or ALLOW anything that could crush me so deeply.

But He does. He does allow it sometimes.

And yet… He is still GOOD.

How can that be?

Obedience Breeds Trust

I have been down that path many times. Struggling with depression throughout most of my life, I have gone down some pretty dark paths & questioned this very thing many, many times before.

Do you happen to remember a post I did last year maybe? About how we ought to “Want to Trust God? Obey Him”? How I incorrectly tried to seek how I can trust God better SO I can obey Him better? How I thought that seemed a righteous goal to pursue, but later, God helped me to understand the distrust & the selfishness it displayed because it was a sort of “vetting process” where I wanted to know I believed God & understood everything to my comfort level before I would be willing to obey Him? I wanted the control.

How the Truth of it is that Trust is actually bred OUT OF obedience, because it is ONLY through a taking of God at His Word—before I have vetted it—& obeying first, that I can actually step back & see, “WOW, that made NO sense to me, but I did it because He said to & it actually WORKED!!”

I Have Asked Those Questions

The same is true in the midst of tragedy & devastation.

It is in those moments we often most want to scream for a way to trust God somehow, some way to get through this & when it stays hard & it doesn’t get better, we want to scream AT Him. We want to pull away in bitter hurt. We want to turn our back & give Him the silent treatment because our prayers seem to be falling on deaf ears & the more we pray, the more silence we feel in return, & the fear becomes, “if I ask one more time without relief from Him, I am afraid of what that will do to my faith or how I would end up dishonoring God with my anger, so I will just stop asking because I can’t handle more of it.”

Anyone else? Just me?

I have been through those dark days. I have craved an end to my life. I have been in a place that my deepest anger was the fact that I was too afraid of hurting others by ending my life because I wanted to just end it already. End the pain. End the struggle. End the hopeless, crushing weight that I carried.

I have been there. I have asked those questions. I have wondered how to hope in God when all feels hopeless.

Back to Surrender

And back again to surrender… to the entrusting… to the obeying first to build the trust we crave… where all the pieces slide into place….

How can you hope in God when all feels hopeless?

By determining to trust in God & His goodness & His love & His sacrifice for you–even when all hope feels lost.

You may not feel it. You may feel hopeless. But DETERMINE to cling to TRUTH, even when you feel it just can’t be.

Entrust the pain & circumstance to Him… to His goodness.

A Desperate Prayer of Surrender… to HOPE

Be willing to drop to your knees & say, “God, I get it. I live in a world FULL of sin because we all have sin. And as a result, I know that sin causes pains & hurts to plague this world.. But this pain is TOO MUCH. I can’t bear it. I’m too weak. I’m crumbling beneath the weight of this. I CAN’T HOLD IT ANYMORE! Help me. Please. I know, deep down, somehow some way… that You ARE Good. I don’t see it right now. All I see is my painful circumstances. But somehow… I know it’s true even if I can’t see it right now. Help me cling to You, Father. My grip is weak. PLEASE help me hold on. BE my strength. I don’t have enough. I need You. Please be my help. Be my shelter in this storm. Be my enough. Hold me. Help me to keep crying out to You & be my comfort through this valley of death & darkness. ‘Lord, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me. Your rod & Your staff, they comfort me.’ (Psalm 23:4) Remind me that ‘You go with me & You never leave me, nor forsake me.’ (Deuteronomy 31:6) Keep my eyes on You as the storm rages on & don’t let me be swept away in it. Be my anchor. Be my steady, firm ground. Help me to praise You still, even when all feels lost. With You, there is always hope & I don’t see how that can POSSIBLY be right now, but help me to trust You with it despite all appearances. Help me to be obedient in my hope, even if I am not sure how yet to trust You in this. In Jesus’ wonderful, mighty name, AMEN.”

He Is with You Always, Even to the End of the Age

Don’t give up, dear one. Don’t let satan tear you to shreds through this trial or any to come… even if you have to cry in a whispered breath, “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.” (Mark 9:24)

Put on your armor, GOD’S armor, as demonstrated to us in Ephesians 6:10-18.

DETERMINE to cling to the GOODNESS of God, even if you can’t see it right now.

Shine HOPE, by demonstrating hope in God even when all feels hopeless, knowing He is fully worth your entrusting of your worst trial to Him.

It is okay to not be okay. It’s okay to not be enough. That is why we ALL NEED HIM.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for over FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Caribbean-Coast-Bracelet (Haiti)

This ethically made green, turquoise, and light blue bracelet from Haiti features three genuine amazonite stone beads and coordinating glass beads accented with silver-plated accent beads. Designed to coordinate with the Willow Bracelet the naturally varying shades of genuine amazonite stone make each stretch-to-fit Caribbean Coast Bracelet unique! Every purchase provides jobs for women in areas of extreme poverty in Haiti and helps mamas keep their babies out of poverty orphanages.

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Surrender to God Brings Joy

Last week, we talked about how we ought to surrender to God’s plan when it contradicts our own will. (Read that post, here: “Surrender to God When His Plan Contradicts Yours”) But really, to find true joy in life, everything in our life requires surrender… every little bit of it.

The wonderful thing about that fact is the truth that as we surrender to God’s will & His help in every little thing, big or small, we begin to take so much of the weight & burden off our own shoulders & place it on His very capable, inexhaustible shoulders (Matthew 11:28-30).

Everything takes surrender, whether it be a bad attitude, feeling gloomy or frustrated or even days where you feel like rolling your eyes at everything… & even on a good day, when you think you have it all together & you’re just rockin’ it—because doing what seems right in our own eyes, no matter how righteous it seems, will ALWAYS fall short of deferring to God in any given moment. We need Him.

Let’s go through some areas that require daily surrender.

Rise & Shine? Or Waking Up with the Grumpies?

When I begin my day, it’s my morning attitude & sleepy grumpiness that I must surrender first. My alarm goes off & I confess, my initial response is NOT “Riiise & shiiine, & give God the glory, glory!!” (Anyone else have camp leaders sing that to your hall every morning… oh LORD, I needed to pray for patience & grace those mornings!)

But, NO, that is not my usual first feeling. Normally, I groan in disgust, pinch my eyes shut in annoyed defiance to the required wakeup time, roll out of bed slowly, unwillingly… & pray something like, “God, I’m sorry. Please forgive my bad attitude. I am SO tired I just want to go back to sleep! Please help me honor You today & help my attitude get in shape this morning. Help me not ruin my own day with my own bad attitude. Help me give You glory today instead. AMEN.”

Surrender.

God Asked Me to Do It, But _____________________

Sometimes the need for surrender comes in those moments where I feel an annoying little nudge-prompting from God to do something that intimidates me or something for which I feel ill-equipped. My heart rears back & I feel fear & defiance & anxiety take root.

It’s when I feel too busy to handle it… or too easily distractable… or too worn out… or too ________________________. Distractions & inadequacies & obstacles seem to come in every shape or form when I feel anxious about something God asks of me.

And then God whispers over my heart the reminder that whatever He asks of me, whether a habit I need to get to making, or an area of obedience I am avoiding, or a task to speak to or help someone… no matter what it is… HE will take care of the details & the how. I just have to be willing to say, “Yes, Lord. Show me how. You know this scares or intimidates me because I want to be honoring to You, but practically, I don’t know how to do this. But if it’s something that honors You, I need to remember that You WILL help me to do it if I just be willing to let You. Don’t let any obstacle or limitation keep me from trusting You can make it happen anyway. Show me how & give me the strength to do it… & I will do it. AMEN.”

Surrender.

Love & Pray for My ENEMIES?

Or, here’s a good one. You know the verse that says to “love our enemy & pray for those who persecute us?” (Luke 6:27-36) Sometimes someone is straight up RUDE to me & they know it & they just don’t care one bit. Or, they are completely & utterly CLUELESS to how their bad attitude is being directed at me & so don’t feel the need to apologize at all.

Is my natural reaction to love & pray for them? NO! A BIG no. I want to throat punch them & tell them to shape up. I want to DEMAND the injustice & unkindness be righted.

What I DON’T want… is to be gracious (remember, by DEFINITION, grace is UNdeserved.)

I have to take a deep breath, swallow my righteous anger (because really, I have a right to be angry, but God instructs us to be angry & NOT SIN. (AKA no hatred & yes to loving them & praying for them instead), (Ephesians 4:26-32) & I have to stop & pray: “God… GOD… You saw that. I know You heard what they said & that You feel the hurt it caused me. I want it made RIGHT! I want justice. I want an apology. I want to scream. But I know bitterness & grudges & bottling up my anger doesn’t please You. You want me to love them & pray for them. HOW?!? Help me forgive them. Help me give grace. Help me remember I am just as in need of grace as they. Help me to leave it in Your hands & trust You to handle it. Show me how I can possibly love them. Teach me how. Love them through me & teach me to pray for them versus stewing in it or slandering them over it. Please help me. AMEN.”

Surrender.

So Many Things Don’t Go My Way… & Surprisingly, That Always Ends Up Being a Good Thing

And then there are my plans & goals & dreams, like I talked about last week. Sometimes God says “no.” Sometimes He says, “not right now” & sometimes the “when”not right now” seems so far off or so unclear that you’re not even sure if maybe it’s actually a NO. And it hurts.

Maybe it’s lacking a relationship & you wonder if you’ll be single forever (been there), watching your younger siblings & friends get married while you are yet to have any true prospects (again, been there). Everyone else seems to be enjoying marital bliss but you.

Or maybe it’s a job or career path that ever seems to be slipping out of your grasp or you feel like you’re floating through life, still completely unsure of “what you want to be when you grow up.” Everyone else seems to have it figured out but you. (I can also relate).

Maybe it’s wanting children, but every month you are hit again with the realization that it won’t be this time around. And that happens over & over & over again & you wonder why it seems God won’t answer that for you. Everyone else seems to have a happy family with game nights & camping trips & time with cousins… but you arrive childless to every family gathering. (That was my heart hurt for MANY years, although God has grown me to appreciate the different plan He has had for us. Read about that story, here: “To the Barren Woman.”)

Maybe it’s a prolonged illness, a bad diagnosis, a terrible injury, a mental disorder, or a trauma that seems to haunt you on the daily. Everyone else seems capable & able to live life to the fullest, but you feel stuck, missing out & held back against your will.

I could go through so many maybes, but the truth is, sometimes life just doesn’t happen the way we so, SO want it to.

And that takes surrender. Surrendering to GOD’S will when it seems so opposite your own. DETERMINING to cling to Him & trust His GOODNESS, to trust HIM. No matter what.

True Joy Comes in Living a Life of Surrender

EVERY decision He makes, as absolute authority over heaven & earth is ALWAYS meant for BOTH His glory & your GOOD. Always. 100%.

True joy comes in living a life of surrender, whether it’s my attitude, or little choices in how I respond or treat a situation, or being obedient to Him even when I don’t want to or it’s hard, or facing the fact that God’s plan may not line up AT ALL with mine.

It brings true joy to surrender to Him in all things because STRIVING after & CLINGING to & DEMANDING to have your way happen or that you DESERVE to feel that way or react that way… when we do that, we hurt ourselves.

Let God take on that heavy weight. And let Him carry YOU. Let Him care for & comfort you.

Say, “God, I don’t like the way this is turning out & I want to be bitter & mad at You even. I’m sorry for that, but it’s the truth. I don’t understand why You would allow this to be my life. How can You say you love me & allow this to be my life? I don’t understand. But I want to trust You. I want to trust that You’re still good & that somehow You know what You’re doing & that You’re even ENOUGH for me in this plan I DO NOT like. Help me. I really want to believe You, but it hurts so much. Help me fall back on You & know that You will be there to catch me. Help me stop striving & to start abiding in You & Your comfort & Your enoughness. Show me how. Teach me. Help my broken, bitter heart. Forgive me. Amen.”

Surrender IS Hard, But It WILL Change Your Life for the Best

It’s called surrender because it means the giving up of your way of doing or handling things, of giving up the way you’ve always wanted things to go… of choosing His will over your own.

But that’s where true & lasting joy breeds… in a surrendered-always-to-Him LIFE.

It seems nonsensical that by giving up the way we feel things should be handled or how I want MY life to go… that it will somehow make things better? But we’re not just throwing it all away to chance & then hoping at least some good will come of it, resigning to just giving up or numbing ourselves to what we want so we can bear to carry on… no, we’re ENTRUSTING that difference & contrast to an Almighty God who LOVES us so very much & Who sent Jesus to pay your debts so you could be set free from your due punishment.

He wants what is best for you & He KNOWS what is best for you… even if you think it doesn’t look very much like how you would want it… That’s a GOOD thing when you consider Who is doing the planning!

So, shine HOPE in your life by determining to choose surrender in the big & the small every single day & let HIM be GOD of your life. AMEN!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for over FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Kaia Earrings (Philippines)

These elegant eco-friendly earrings feature ethically sourced, sustainable, capiz shells that local families harvest from the bottom of the sea surrounding the Philippine islands. Artisans handcraft these natural capiz shells into blue ombré teardrop shapes and then wrap them in silver-tone metal frames before adding silver-tone fishhook ear wires.

Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in the Philippines.

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

It’s Hard to Trust Him When His Plan Goes Against Mine

Have you ever wanted something so badly that it hurts & yet your prayers seem to fall on deaf ears? You know God sees your aching heart & feels your hurt, & yet, He doesn’t answer the way you want?

Or have you gone through something so incredibly hard that you beg God for a solution or healing or an end to it… & yet none comes?

Why surrender to God when nothing is going your way? HOW can you?

Hitting a Crossroad… Sometimes Prayers Don’t Get Answered the Way That I Want

I feel like life is a constant progression of coming to these crossroads: Will I choose my will… or His when they’re very different?

First that I can remember was my depression era in high school, where I wanted to die more than anything else… I wanted the pain to stop but it just never would… like I was trapped in a broken, fractured mind that barraged me constantly with thoughts about how much of a worthless burden I was. I prayed for freedom from the constant onslaught of attacks, but none came… for two straight years, none came.

Then there was my romantic heart where any boy that was nice to me… well, I was already basically picturing what our kids would look like & what our life would be like if we ended up together. I wanted to be married more than anything else… I loved the idea of feeling completely & utterly loved… but traumas & fears caused me to run whenever it got serious… & nothing ever felt quite right… like I was chasing validation versus real, sacrificial reciprocated love. I prayed & prayed & prayed, but everything hit a dead end, watching my younger sister & younger friends all wed before I even came close… & it hurt… a lot.

And Hokkaido… the isolation… the loneliness… the culture shock waves that would knock me off my feet unexpectedly… the stress buildup that started ripping apart my threshold for stressors… snapping & crying & rage & despair & feeling trapped by the effects the stress was having on my life & not feeling able to stop it… & no one in my life seemed to understand, isolating me even more. I prayed for it to end, but it always seemed to just only get worse.

Surrender to God When His Plan Contradicts Yours

I have been through even more examples of times when nothing seemed to go my way (like not being able to get pregnant or fighting through traumas), no matter how reasonable or good intentions my pleading had, it never seemed to be enough… the agony didn’t end… the answer to my prayer seemed nonexistent… God was silent when it came to giving me what I so badly wanted.

Surrender seems the least obvious choice here. Well, maybe surrender to the despair or hopelessness… but not to God & the possibility that He may have a different plan than I do. When God withholds the way I want so desperately for things to work out, it doesn’t spark an eagerness to surrender to Him at all… it makes me want to hold on & fight, as if maybe I just need to BETTER convince God to hear me out & help me & answer my way.

When All Hope Feels Lost… Will You Surrender to Him AS Your Hope?

When you are stuck not getting what you so desperately want… the thing you ache & long for, whether it be the end of constant pain or the end of loneliness or freedom from constant stress… will you choose to cling to the end of that struggle above all else?

Or will you surrender to God & ask for His will to be done in your life, EVEN IF it is different than your own?

“God, You know I’m hurting. You know how desperate I feel right now… But I also know that You are God & You are good. You have a perfect plan in this. You are sufficient. If You choose to take me a different route, hard as it may seem to me, can You please show Yourself sufficient to me? Help me remember You want my good & that You love me & that You are always enough? Help me trust that You know what You’re doing better than I do... that You see the WHOLE picture that I don’t. Help me learn how to better trust You when Your plan seems so wildly different than what I so, so badly want. I have to trust that, even if it doesn’t go my way. Help me to trust You, to surrender to You, come what may. AMEN.”

Surrender to God’s Will ALWAYS–Even If It Means the Hurt Won’t Stop, It Means He Will Carry You through to an Even Better Plan Than Your Own

In my biggest battle with depression, where I had already listened to Satan’s lies so much that I had spiraled to a place so dark I didn’t even know how to find my way out anymore… I not only prayed but tried everything to pump joy into my life my way, only to find it progressively worsen. It wasn’t until I fully surrendered that I found freedom. I gave up every pursuit to make myself happy, to control my happiness input to ensure I would be happy, to instead say, “God, nothing else. Only You. Nothing else.” And only in the surrender of my pursuit of happiness to rest it all on Him no matter what, did I find that freedom… & not ONLY freedom, but the definitively clear dispelling of doubts I had carried my whole life, giving me an even richer freedom that I never knew could even be possible in my life.

In my longing, lonely, desperate heart of singleness, watching everyone else get married while I seemed to be on a path of eternal singleness, I was inspired by my aunt who had lost her husband & in that loss, she clung to God as her hope. I used to pity her, but after a long, unexpected car ride with just us, I saw behind the image I imagined & instead saw a woman who had such peace & assurance & inner humble confidence. I realized then that singleness was not a curse, but a blessing… if I would but surrender to God’s will over my own... His sufficiency & His love.

And then there was Hokkaido… where I didn’t surrender. I wanted to feel comfort. I wanted to escape the stress. So, I hid from it. I idolized comfort above all else, even above God. I avoided by tv binging & gaming & food. I didn’t learn from my past… that surrender leads to HOPE. I fought God’s plan to keep me in that stressful atmosphere rather than surrendering to that FACT that He would be ENOUGH for me IN it. I let bitterness against God take root & I didn’t get to see the hope that surrendering to Him brings.

Surrendering to God’s will seems THE LAST thing I want to do when life isn’t going my way, but it is in that surrender that I finally find that HOPE I so desperately search for.

God Can be Trusted in Our Surrender

God knows what He is doing. He is all-powerful, all-knowing, & perfectly, without-any-mistakes-ever WISE.

God sees the big picture: all the pieces in play, all unexpected turn of events, spanning through all eternity. He sees it ALL, while I just think I know what I see in my tiny fraction of it.

God can bring beauty out of ashes. No matter how impossibly hard something seems, it ALWAYS is appreciated when it is finally over when I choose surrender to Him in it.

God can be ENOUGH for me in the hard. He is NEVER lacking & how obvious it becomes when I struggle & feel at a complete loss & yet allow Him to be enough & see that He indeed IS.

It’s in the hard that we can see it’s not me or getting my way that will bring me joy & peace & fulfillment… No. It’s found in surrendering to HIS way where we find all that, even when His way seems the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of our most desired way.

Let God Have His Way–You Will Never Regret It

So, why surrender to God when His plan contradicts yours?

Because God is GOD. He can be trusted 100%. He is enough. And if you let Him, He will take your less than ideal & paint a beautiful, unique masterpiece out of your life, one where you will one day look back in awe & wonder & PRAISE that in the impossible, God made a way… & not just A way, but the most beautiful story you never could have imagined for yourself.

So, shine HOPE by learning the beauty in SURRENDER—even when nothing in life is going your way & even when God seems to want the opposite of your own desperate desires.

Surrender to Him… always.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for over FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Kavita Necklace (India)

Handcrafted by her fellow Artisans in India, this eye-catching necklace is named in honor of Kavita, who inspires women in her community and around the world to become heroes of their own stories! Naturally varying shades of raspberry, blue, white, green, black, and faded pink make this colorful design truly mesmerizing, whether you wear it alone or layer it with more of your favorite fair-trade designs! Every purchase creates safe jobs with fair wages in areas of extreme poverty in India.

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

A Magical Christmas Ideal

How do you picture an ideal Merry Christmas?

For me, I envision garlands & twinkling lights. I think of Christmas songs playing merrily on the radio while I drive past decorated homes. I dream of Christmas cookies, Christmas candle scents, & belly laughs with friends. Merriment, joy, contentment. I think of beautifully wrapped presents under a beautifully decorated tree. Friends & family & food & lights & bright colors everywhere. To me, that is my ideal Merry Christmas.

But What About When It’s Not So Perfect?

But what about the woman who sits in her living room, staring blankly out at a black night, feeling the emptiness of the seat beside her. Her children are grown, her husband has passed away, & her future is uncertain & gray. A tear drops onto her cheek. For her, her silent night is deafening.

But what about the mom whose husband is not around, kids begging for presents she can’t afford… Working two jobs & trying her best to take time to decorate & gift the best she can, trying to find time to make some semblance of merry exist for her children’s sake, but constantly feeling like she comes up short. The crying, the chaos, the stress. For her, her silent night is never silent.

But what about the woman who looks around at couples holding hands over the holidays, seeing Christmas movies about falling in love under the mistletoe & she wonders if she is just too messed up or just not good enough to ever be truly loved like that. She feels lonely & sad & a burden to everyone around her because of it, trying her best to be merry for their sakes, while feeling the heavy weight of lonely longing relentlessly pressing down on her heavy heart. For her, her silent night is a night filled with silent sobs.

But what about the girl lying in a hospital bed, seeing the paper cutouts of snowflakes on the wall, made by friends attempting to help her feel the hope she does not feel, knowing her diagnosis is grim, knowing her pain is causing her family pain, but not being able to do anything about it. For her, her silent night is terrifying.

Missing a loved one who is gone… Money too tight to pay the incoming bills… A weighty medical diagnosis… Betrayal, hurt, or rejection… Empty, alone… Abuse… Sick or dying… No backup plan… A scary, uncertain future… For some, their reality is that it is hard to imagine having a merry Christmas in a less than merry life.

A Christmas with Room for the Hurting

This isn’t told to be the downer… to make you feel guilt… to weigh you down & steal your joy… but to open your heart with perspective, that for some, it is hard to have a merry Christmas in a less than merry life.

If you were to scroll back up & read all about my picture-perfect, ideal merry Christmas, their stories just don’t mesh well with any of it–But it is their reality all the same, Christmas or not… convenient timing or not.

My temptation is to cling to my description of an ideal merry Christmas & to tune out anything that doesn’t fit, but is that the heart of Christ? No, it isn’t.

I need to learn better to make room in my Christmas for the less than ideal, too.

Jesus Didn’t Come to Avoid the Pain, But to Bring Hope for the Hurting

I think of the good Samaritan story in the Bible (Luke 10:25-37), telling of those who saw the beat up, bloodied man who had been robbed & left for dead, & yet, they swerved to the other side of the road & pretended not to notice as they passed by. Is that what I do when I want to cling to my Christmas ideal?

Jesus knew why He was coming to earth as God & man. He knew the reason He was coming to be born… Jesus knew what Christmas was really about–it was about bringing HOPE to the hurting (Luke 2:8-14).

He sees your story, your reality–no matter how merry or how messy. He sees every tear, every choked back sob, every desperate, lonely, aching heart. He doesn’t try to block it out because it’s not “merry enough” for His birthday. No, quite the contrary.

Jesus came knowing our realities, even when they are grim & bleak & less than ideal… He came understanding the hurts caused by this sin-torn world. His heart ached for our aches. His love for us demanded He do something about it.

He came so that we may have life & have it more abundantly (John 10:10). He came to give us life, through HIS life (1 John 3:16-18).

And so: Christmas.

A Whispered Prayer for Hope

Sometimes, when life is hard & our faith is weak, it’s a weak, whispered prayer uttered from a numbness within, saying, “Lord…. Lord…. I just can’t. Please help me. I have no hope left. I’m sorry I have such little faith. I’m sorry that all I see is my pain & struggle & hurt & fear. I’m sorry. But please. Please help me to have hope. Help me to learn how You can be enough for me when I feel so empty. I don’t understand how that can be, but God, You are bigger than me. Help me see. Help me believe. Help give me hope. Thank You for coming. I clearly don’t deserve it because instead of rejoicing, I am despairing. I am underestimating You at every turn, I know it. Please forgive me. But thank You for coming for me. Thank You for not trying to tune out my sorrow to keep the day “merry.” Thank You for loving me in my mess & lack of faith. Thank You for never leaving nor forsaking me. Thank You for being born on this earth, God as man, Emmanuel “God with us.” And thank You for demonstrating that love through action. Thank You for coming to pay my price for me. For loving me that much. You are greatly to be praised. Thank You Jesus. Thank You. I don’t know what is to come, but I do know that You are here & You are near me & that You care so much that You came to die for me, to rise again to conquer the penalty of my sin. Thank You. Amen.”

God’s Blessings IN the Hard

I have been studying the fruit of the Spirit with a group of ladies at church & one point that consistently stuck out to me was that little word “OF.” Not the fruit of me. Not the fruit of MY efforts. Not the fruit I produce…. But, the fruit OF the Spirit.

Do you know what the fruit OF the Spirit is? It is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23)

What is the significance of that little word “of” before “the Spirit”? It means that it is not something we produce in ourselves “if we try hard enough” to BE loving, BE joyful, BE at peace, BE patient, etc. etc. etc….. No, it is that, as we draw near to God, seeking Him in all things big or small, seeking to know & love Him more, seeking to lean on & rely on Him more in life… HE produces those things within us.

In other words, as we draw from Him & rely on Him, the return on our “investment” in that relationship with Him is His producing of love, joy, peace, etc. in us.

How can we claim that our God does not love us SO MUCH when this is what He wishes to pour into our life? God blesses us, even IN the hard. (Psalm 94:19)

Having a Merry Christmas in a Less Than Merry Life

How can I have a Merry Christmas in a less than merry life? Because I don’t have to try to be & do & live all of those things to be a “good enough” Christian. I just have to pour my life into Him & watch as He pours all of that into my life.

Imagine a joy & a peace that says, “Everything is falling apart, & yet, somehow I just know God has a plan for it & will help see me through it. God, You are good, even when my life isn’t!”

Imagine a love & a patience that says, “This wrong was done against me, but no matter how many times I wrong God, He just keeps on loving me & being gracious with me. And if God can do that for me, I can certainly do it for someone else, with God’s help.”

Imagine experiencing the pain of the stories I shared, but also knowing you are held & loved by the Jesus we celebrate Christmas for? That despite your wrongs & many shortcomings, He pursues you & loves you with a love that can’t ever be taken away or diminished.

We can have a Merry Christmas in a less than merry life because we can remember why we celebrate Christmas… WHO we celebrate at Christmas.

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

“Lord, thank You. Thank You for coming for my stubborn, prone-to-complaining, clings-to-comforts-more-than-to-You self. Thank You for never giving up on me. Thank You for determining to pursue me even when I am sour & bitter & angry with You when my life isn’t going well. Thank You for not rejecting me in anger, but forgiving me over & over again. Thank You for being so selfless when You, of ANYONE have a right to be completely, consumingly selfish. You are so gentle & kind in contrast to my demanding & selfish heart. You are so patient & loving when all I want sometimes is for life to go MY way. I don’t deserve Christmas one bit. But You still came, even for me. I can celebrate Christmas because of YOU. I’m sorry I cling to my ideals. I’m sorry I try to tune out the less than ideal. Help me to love like You. Help me to love more sacrificially, even if it means infiltrating the darkness of someone else’s grim Christmas. Help me to love better. Forgive me, please. Help me to love like You, in that, even though it’s YOUR birthday we are meant to be celebrating at Christmas, You didn’t make Your birthday about Yourself, but You condescended into the form of a weak human, & You offered Your life to us. You came to give Yourself, both in Your life & in Your death. You are the definition of love. Thank You & Happy birthday, Jesus! AMEN!”

Make Room in Your Christmas for the Less Than Merry

How can you help spread the hope of Christmas? The love that Jesus displayed in His birth?

• Look around for who is sitting alone at church & invite them to sit with you… or ask to sit with them.
• Know someone having a hard Christmas because of loss or a different painful struggle? Bring them cookies with a note of hope & encouragement. Don’t know what to write? Write a prayer for God to show His love to them & to offer them hope in the midst of the darkness they may be experiencing.
• Send a widow a letter with plenty of pretty stickers to decorate the card.
• Ask to pray with someone.
• Invite some singles who are away from family to join you for Christmas dinner or cookies.
• Organize to send Christmas goody packages to college students unable to return home for Christmas break.
• Send a letter to a prisoner or someone deployed & away from home.
• Serve at the homeless shelter.
• Bring gifts for orphanages.
• Give Gospel tracts WITH a tip

Shine HOPE This Christmas

Find ways to bring HOPE to the hurting this Christmas & ask God to show you ways to do it where you are, with the resources & abilities He has given you.

“In all your ways acknowledge Him, & He shall direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3:6)

Shine HOPE by being willing to have a less than ideal, perfect, sparkling, merry Christmas & look to where you can share some Christmas cheer, by sharing the hope we have in Jesus.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for over FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Eucalyptus Rosemary Soap (India)

LIMITED EDITION – While Supplies Last! Artisans in India meticulously craft irresistibly fragrant natural soaps using traditional cold process techniques and ancient blends of moisturizing oils, herbs, and essential oils.

The refreshing herbal signature fragrance of the Eucalyptus Rosemary Soap is a natural blend of moisturizing and healing shea butter and pure oils, including coconut and olive oil with essential oils of eucalyptus and rosemary, which are well known for their soothing stress-reducing, anti-inflammatory, anti-microbial, antioxidant, and decongestant benefits. Rosemary essential oil is also known for relieving fatigue and boosting mental clarity.

–> Every purchase helps empower marginalized and differently abled women in India. <–

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

A Letter to My Fellow Expat:

Being a foreigner is hard. Period. Whether you’re in the military, mission field, or are a contractor, it’s tough being the odd one out.

… If you have ever been a foreigner, you probably understand what I mean.

The fact that being a foreigner comes with unique challenges does not negate the fact that there is much adventure to be had while making good memories with great friends… but it is hard.

Feeling Out of Sync with the World Around You

There just seems to be a rhythm in each place in the way they do things & when you don’t know that rhythm, you are automatically out of sync with the world around you.

This could show itself in their customs & etiquette in specific situations that differ from your home country, or slang used in a particular area that you are unfamiliar with, or even how the checkout line or gas station operates—not to mention the currency differences.

Communication takes on a whole new level of hard when you have to use broken sentences, speak slowly, use translation apps & pictures just to find simple things you previously took for granted as a quick in & out stop.

Sometimes employees make a quick 180 & hope you didn’t notice them noticing you before they dart away to avoid an uncomfortable language barrier ridden conversation.

Sometimes children point & stare like you have three heads.

Sometimes you’re hurt or lost & you don’t know how to ask for help.

The Well-Meaning Advice of Others Just Falls Short

Friends & family will often give well-meaning advice, but they don’t really get it & the things they offer are things you’ve tried unsuccessfully a million times… because life is just hard as an expat in a way that not many people will ever experience personally.

Whether it be to avoid things you can’t avoid or try things that can’t be tried the way one may imagine, some advice just doesn’t work when applied to every situation. Because try as you may, it may still just be hard.

The Struggles We Face

Loneliness is a companion you never wanted to ever feel so acquainted with… isolation from a world going on around you… not understanding the signs or billboards or words spoken all around you as people pass on the street.

Straining your ears for a smidge of understanding when listening to announcements or alarms. Keeping your eyes glued to the scrolling train signs for English to appear so you don’t miss your stop because you can’t understand the announcements.

The world goes on around you in a specific rhythm & you are out of sync, lonely while surrounded by people who don’t speak your language.

I know it’s hard because I have been that expat.

The Strange Blend of Happy Memory-Making & Overwhelm/Stress

You can still enjoy where you live, taste the adventure, not be particularly unhappy… & still experience the very real HARD it is to live abroad as a foreigner. It doesn’t stop being hard just because you’re having fun. And the constant striving to adapt is a constant challenge to the brain.

As an expat, your brain is working on constant overdrive, sometimes burning out or overheating from constant input that it can’t make any sense out of. It gets tired more easily. It feels overwhelmed more easily. And even things that once were taken for granted as “simple” now make you want to cry because you’re already maxed out.

The stress on your brain is real. Culture shock is not just an initial adjustment period, but a literal shock to your brain with every new thing your brain can’t compute easily or understand because it’s not the way you’ve always known things to be.

Overwhelm, stress on your brain, loneliness, isolation… all of these can happen for an expat because they don’t fit the rhythm of the world going on around them… even while you’re making wonderful memories.

You’re Not Crazy… It’s Just Hard

So, if you are an expat, if you’re military or a missionary, please know you’re not crazy. Even if no one seems to understand just how hard it can be or why it feels so hard for you specifically, you’re not crazy. It’s just hard.

Friends & family don’t mean to belittle your struggle. They’re not trying to say you’re weak or weird for struggling… they just may not have experienced it the way you have… they just may not understand & how could they if they haven’t themselves experiences it before?

Even I, before moving to Hokkaido, didn’t understand one bit. I visualize their experience as an extended, adventurous vacation & would romanticize “how cool it would be,” not realizing how hard it would be right alongside that “cool.”

Please be Kind to Others… Even if It Doesn’t Make Sense to You

And if you haven’t been a foreigner, please be kind to the foreigners you know, whether they be friends from your home country who are now overseas & their struggle doesn’t make much sense to you, or whether it be friends who are foreigners in your home country… be kind… because it’s hard.

Be patient with them as they struggle with the language & the customs & the way of life & the unexpected & the out of the norm for them. Give them grace.

Pray with them as their emotions & stress & overwhelm struggle with being out of rhythm with their world, feeling isolated & maybe alone. Pray with them & for them.

It’s okay not to understand why they feel what they feel, but God understands, so remind them of that & offer to just take a moment to sit & pray for them, asking God to help them manage the stress, to comfort them & give them peace, to be their strength, & to give them courage to face the unknowns of each day, with each new wave of culture shock that may catch them off guard.

Give Yourself Grace… & Pray/Lean into God for Help

And if it’s you who struggles right now, I get it, friend. I get it. It’s hard & somedays all I could manage was to cry because the strain & stress & overwhelm & isolation felt so oppressive. It’s hard.

But God IS greater & bigger & stronger than you are.

He CAN give peace where peace seems impossible.

He CAN BE your strength if you let Him.

Some days I rocked it. I cried & prayed & asked God for help with some semblance of normalcy & comfort & peace & strength & courage… & He gave it & I overcame that day with His help.

But other days… I just cried & tried to shut out the oppressive overwhelm that threatened to consume me.

Give yourself grace in the hard. It’s okay that it feels hard because some days it is. You don’t have to conquer every day with easy courage. You’re allowed to struggle & recognize you need help.

As Always, Ask God for Help in the Hard

Lean into Him. Take your burden to Him, drop it, & say, “God, this is too heavy for me today. I feel like I am being swept down river. Help give me my footing. Help me cling to You & not let myself be swept away by the stress of today. Help me trust that You really are enough when I am not. Help me to have grace when others may flippantly dismiss my struggle, not understanding how it could be such a struggle for me. Help me to be patient with them & with myself. Help me to recognize that it’s okay that it feels hard & that You can be enough for me in the hard, when I come to the end of myself. Even in loneliness, You are my Friend. You counsel me & love me & are faithful through every bit of it. Thank You, Father for Your consistent love. Amen.”

It’s okay that it’s hard. God is enough in the hard. Cling to Him.

Shine HOPE by letting Him be your enough even on days when you realize you really, absolutely are not.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for over FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Dali Earrings (East Asia)

LIMITED EDITION – While Supplies Last! Add some sparkle to your wardrobe with these totally unique 14k gold-plated Dali Earrings with stunning cubic zirconia crystals. These abstract sculptural hoop earrings are ethically made by women rescued from brothels in East Asia.

–>Every purchase provides safe housing, health care, trauma counseling, job skills training, and a dignified income for sex trafficking survivors.<–

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Tears, Anxiety, & a Hot Mess, Oh My!

I have had a lot of opportunities to feel weak over these last few months.

From dealing with the disappointment, bitterness, & anxiety of moving back to Guam from my favorite home—Misawa, Japan, to all of the problems with the entire process of the move (prep fails & all of the move process problems), to then the struggles that seem to barrage us at every turn since we have arrived… I have definitely felt beaten down by life a lot lately.

If maybe only a few of these things had happened, any of those things may have been merely a temporary frustration, but when it happens again & again & again & again & doesn’t seem to have any end to the “agains,” it starts to feel defeating & exhausting, my nerves already shot & my patience spent, turning a near nonissue into another fail to add to ever-growing pile.

A Display of Weakness

And I don’t try to hide it. Why? Because my weakness is a canvas for God’s glory & all He is capable of when I am clearly not.

Tears come more easily lately & anxiety rears up more readily & I just feel tired & distracted & disheveled pretty regularly these days… not all the time, mind you… but pretty regularly.

I don’t like hard. I covet easy comfort. I know it’s an idol of mine & boy has God made it clear to me how much I yearn for it over Him these past several months.

This journey of moving back to Guam, in all of its struggle & trouble, has led me to cry out like Paul when he cried out to God about the thorn in his side. “Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:8-9)

I don’t try to hide it because I want everyone to know just how weak I really am, so that they know any strength or peace I possess is not from willpower or personal strength, but because I turn to God & ask for HIM to BE my enough when I’m not.

In the Waiting, May My Weakness Display His Strength

I cry something similar pretty frequently these days. I just want a period of peace, where I have nothing new to report & at least nothing new goes wrong for a while. I don’t even need it to be perfect & fun necessarily, I just want a break from the hard for just a little bit.

And maybe that day is coming soon… or maybe not….

But just like Paul was reminded, God reminds me also that God is enough for me IN the hard. (2 Corinthians 12:8-9)

A Blessing Is Not Just When Everything Is Going Right

I see so often a list of GOOD things shared by friends, followed with “I’m so blessed!” but sometimes the blessings come most preciously when nothing in life seems to ever go right… where NOTHING seems good… because in those moments, we can most clearly see that while nothing else seems sufficient, nothing seems to be working out, everything is going wrong, & I don’t have the strength to be capable & strong seeming in & of myself… that God really IS sufficient.

My weakness is a canvas for His glory… for His strength.

When everyone sees just how weak & incapable & foolish I am… me as a mess… then any good that comes from my story can only be explained One way… Him.

God, I Need You… Every Hour I Need You

When I am weak, where peace seems an impossible thing, where rest feels to be eluding me at every opportunity, & I am beaten down by life… I can slump down & cry… I can be honest with Him about how it hurts & hold nothing back… & then I can say, “God, I need You. I need You to be my enough right now. Thank You that because of Jesus paying my debt & restoring a right relationship between You & me, I can come to You with it all & trust You to be enough, even when I most certainly am not. Thank You for being faithful even when I feel faithless. Thank You for Your sufficiency & grace. Thank You for giving me Your peace even when any peace seems impossible to me. Thank You! Amen.”

Only He Is Perfect

We’re not meant to try to present ourselves as infallible & perfect, someone who never fails, struggles, or makes mistakes. We are meant to present Him as such.

Should we strive to honor Him in all of life? Yes, of course.

Will we always succeed? Nope.

Should we pretend we always succeed “for our testimony”? NO.

We should humbly accept where we fall short & draw back to Him for His loving grace & mercy, displaying His grace, love, mercy, faithfulness, & power in every circumstance.

Shine HOPE by letting your weakness be a canvas for God’s glory in the lives of those around you.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for over FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Celebrate My Birthday This Week by Getting Yourself a Treat:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Capiz Dove Ornament Set (Philippines)

LIMITED EDITION – WHILE SUPPLIES LAST! This elegant set of three handcrafted capiz shell ornaments begins at the bottom of the sea surrounding the Philippine Islands. Divers collect basketfuls of beautiful “windowpane” shells for Artisans like Emelyn, who cut each custom shape and bind them by into delicate gold-plated frames to create these dove-inspired ornaments. Every purchase of this ornament set empowers women in the Philippines out of poverty!

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!