I am sitting at my computer just feeling completely blank. I have tried to think of what to say, have started typing several times on topics in the back of my mind… but nothing seems to stick. Nothing seems quite right… & so then it gets deleted.
So, I guess I am just going to start typing & see where God takes it today.
Feeling Tired. Feeling Numb.
My depression is a funny animal. Some days I feel pretty okay, some I thrive… but some days (like today) just feel like I am dragging. Everything feels hard.
It might also have something to do with the consistently choppy sleep I have been getting recently. So part of it is quite possibly just being plain tired. But I feel sort of numb, too, like I just don’t really care about much of anything.
Feeling this way makes it hard to do much of anything. I just want to glaze over & get through the day so I can try again tomorrow… or maybe next week. That’s just me being honest. I know sometimes I sound like a broken record when I have these days & talk about it, but the alternative is plastering on a fake smile & forcing out a cheery tone to make everyone else feel better about me not feeling better… but then I just feel like a fake & like what’s the point?
Quitting Just Makes It Worse
But I also don’t want to waste away my day, letting those feelings of blah win, because honestly, enough of those sorts of days piled up makes me feel defeated & they just seem to compound over time, sparking the feeling that my life is just one big waste.(Not a rabbit hole I want to go down again.)
So, that’s not really an option either.
Then what do I do? I’ve got nothin’. I feel blah. I just want to not bother because bothering just seems an added hard to the already existing hard.
Well, surprise, surprise… I go back to my old friend “Surrender.” And here we go again.
God Knows & God’s Enough
“God, I don’t understand why I’m not sleeping… why everything has to feel so hard so often. I feel like I struggle more than most people& that everyone is probably sick of hearing about it by now…so why do You allow it to keep happening? And why do I have to keep writing about how weak I am? I don’t understand why so many things keep me awake lately. I feel like I took sleep for granted & now I never seem to get enough of it. I feel like I’m drifting. I feel bored with & am numbing to life sometimes lately because everything seems grayscale. I crave color. I want to do great things for You, but then I feel like I am obviously not strong enough for it. I get it… I’m not enough. My humanness glares at me in times like this & it is so uncomfortable. I really hate it sometimes. Maybe that’s why You allow it? So I learn it’s not me I need to be trying to count on anyway, but You? I know I need to be better at that for sure. I’m sorry for craving self-sufficiency, for trying to fix it myself… instead of allowing it to be an opportunity to cry out to You as my help. Please forgive me. I like feeling strong & capable, but please teach me that You really are my Enough. Please be my Enough. Help me to somehow give You glory when all I feel like I want to be is a grumbling, grumpy, give-up quitter. Forgive me for thinking I have to have my strength & control back in order to be something or do anything of value for You. You are Enough. Be my Enough. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.”
Am I the Only One Who Feels So Weak So Often?
I don’t know if you ever feel like that? Or if it’s just me?
But boy am I NOT a fan.
But today, & hopefully every day following… I want to force myself to choose surrender & let God take my NOT ENOUGH & make it into something because HE IS ENOUGH.
Shine HOPE by making sure you remember that, too. Amen.
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.
Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
A Note from Michelle:
(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)
This blog/website has been running for over FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!
Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world!Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Rosa Bracelet (Guatemala)
(Shown: Rosa Bracelet, handcrafted in Guatemala. Every purchase of this bracelet empowers women in Guatemala out of poverty!)
Using traditional Guatemalan beading techniques, Artisans handcraft this feminine and romantic adjustable Rosa Bracelet to create a beautiful chain of petite purple diamonds with silver accents. Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in Guatemala.
How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!
If you have ever faced tragedy, this is a question that could possibly have crossed your mind: “How am I supposed to hope in God when all feels hopeless?”
Just like I mentioned last week, when I surrender to God on any given occasion, I am not numbing myself from what I want (to keep myself from hating God). Nor am I just tossing it to the wind as if to say, “Fine, whatever. I guess I don’t get what I want then,” hoping against all hope that maybe God will someday “change His mind.”
It’s not a surrender to the numbing. It’s not a surrender to the whatever happens, fine.
It’s an ENTRUSTING to an Almighty God who loves you so much that even knowing you wronged Him, knowing you could never do enough to “even the scales,” & knowing you could never hope to be good enough to earn reconciliation with God because of your fleshly sin nature… He made a way possible for that by sending Jesus, Who WILLINGLY paid your debt for you so you could receive forgiveness & reconciliation to God if you but put your faith & hope in HIM.
And it is no different when tragedy comes crashing through your life like a devastating tornado of destruction, ripping apart your hopes & dreams & everything you love… When everything turns hopeless.
How to Hope in God When All Feels Hopeless?
So, I ask again. HOW can you hope in God when all feels hopeless?
It’s a valid question from the perspective of human flesh. We can’t see what He sees. We can’t KNOW what He knows. And to us, to me (sometimes too often), it feels incomprehensible that a God who gave SO MUCH to express His love for me, through Jesus, could ever do anything or ALLOW anything that could crush me so deeply.
But He does. He does allow it sometimes.
And yet… He is still GOOD.
How can that be?
Obedience Breeds Trust
I have been down that path many times. Struggling with depression throughout most of my life, I have gone down some pretty dark paths & questioned this very thing many, many times before.
Do you happen to remember a post I did last year maybe? About how we ought to “Want to Trust God? Obey Him”? How I incorrectly tried to seek how I can trust God better SO I can obey Him better? How I thought that seemed a righteous goal to pursue, but later, God helped me to understand the distrust & the selfishness it displayed because it was a sort of “vetting process” where I wanted to know I believed God & understood everything to my comfort level before I would be willing to obey Him? I wanted the control.
How the Truth of it is that Trust is actually bred OUT OF obedience, because it is ONLY through a taking of God at His Word—before I have vetted it—& obeying first, that I can actually step back & see, “WOW, that made NO sense to me, but I did it because He said to & it actually WORKED!!”
I Have Asked Those Questions
The same is true in the midst of tragedy & devastation.
It is in those moments we often most want to scream for a way to trust God somehow, some way to get through this & when it stays hard & it doesn’t get better, we want to scream AT Him. We want to pull away in bitter hurt. We want to turn our back & give Him the silent treatment because our prayers seem to be falling on deaf ears & the more we pray, the more silence we feel in return, & the fear becomes, “if I ask one more time without relief from Him, I am afraid of what that will do to my faith or how I would end up dishonoring God with my anger, so I will just stop asking because I can’t handle more of it.”
Anyone else? Just me?
I have been through those dark days.I have craved an end to my life. I have been in a place that my deepest anger was the fact that I was too afraid of hurting others by ending my life because I wanted to just end it already. End the pain. End the struggle. End the hopeless, crushing weight that I carried.
I have been there. I have asked those questions. I have wondered how to hope in God when all feels hopeless.
Back to Surrender
And back again to surrender… to the entrusting… to the obeying first to build the trust we crave… where all the pieces slide into place….
How can you hope in God when all feels hopeless?
By determining to trust in God & His goodness & His love & His sacrifice for you–even when all hope feels lost.
You may not feel it. You may feel hopeless. But DETERMINE to cling to TRUTH, even when you feel it just can’t be.
Entrust the pain & circumstance to Him… to His goodness.
A Desperate Prayer of Surrender… to HOPE
Be willing to drop to your knees & say, “God, I get it. I live in a world FULL of sin because we all have sin. And as a result, I know that sin causes pains & hurts to plague this world.. But this pain is TOO MUCH. I can’t bear it. I’m too weak. I’m crumbling beneath the weight of this. I CAN’T HOLD IT ANYMORE! Help me. Please. I know, deep down, somehow some way… that You ARE Good. I don’t see it right now. All I see is my painful circumstances. But somehow… I know it’s true even if I can’t see it right now. Help me cling to You, Father. My grip is weak. PLEASE help me hold on. BE my strength. I don’t have enough. I need You. Please be my help. Be my shelter in this storm. Be my enough. Hold me. Help me to keep crying out to You & be my comfort through this valley of death & darkness. ‘Lord, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me. Your rod & Your staff, they comfort me.’ (Psalm 23:4) Remind me that ‘You go with me & You never leave me, nor forsake me.’ (Deuteronomy 31:6)Keep my eyes on You as the storm rages on & don’t let me be swept away in it. Be my anchor. Be my steady, firm ground. Help me to praise You still, even when all feels lost. With You, there is always hope & I don’t see how that can POSSIBLY be right now, but help me to trust You with it despite all appearances. Help me to be obedient in my hope, even if I am not sure how yet to trust You in this. In Jesus’ wonderful, mighty name, AMEN.”
He Is with You Always, Even to the End of the Age
Don’t give up, dear one. Don’t let satan tear you to shreds through this trial or any to come… even if you have to cry in a whispered breath, “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.”(Mark 9:24)
Put on your armor, GOD’S armor, as demonstrated to us in Ephesians 6:10-18.
DETERMINE to cling to the GOODNESS of God, even if you can’t see it right now.
Shine HOPE, by demonstrating hope in God even when all feels hopeless, knowing He is fully worth your entrusting of your worst trial to Him.
It is okay to not be okay. It’s okay to not be enough. That is why we ALL NEED HIM.
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.
Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
A Note from Michelle:
(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)
This blog/website has been running for over FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!
Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world!Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Caribbean-Coast-Bracelet (Haiti)
(Shown: CARIBBEAN COAST BRACELET, handcrafted in Haiti. Every purchase empowers women in Haiti out of poverty!)
This ethically made green, turquoise, and light blue bracelet from Haiti features three genuine amazonite stone beads and coordinating glass beads accented with silver-plated accent beads. Designed to coordinate with the Willow Bracelet the naturally varying shades of genuine amazonite stone make each stretch-to-fit Caribbean Coast Bracelet unique! Every purchase provides jobs for women in areas of extreme poverty in Haiti and helps mamas keep their babies out of poverty orphanages.
How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!
Last week, we talked about how we ought to surrender to God’s plan when it contradicts our own will. (Read that post, here: “Surrender to God When His Plan Contradicts Yours”) But really, to find true joy in life, everything in our life requires surrender… every little bit of it.
The wonderful thing about that fact is the truth that as we surrender to God’s will & His help in every little thing, big or small, we begin to take so much of the weight & burden off our own shoulders & place it on His very capable, inexhaustible shoulders(Matthew 11:28-30).
Everything takes surrender, whether it be a bad attitude, feeling gloomy or frustrated or even days where you feel like rolling your eyes at everything… & even on a good day, when you think you have it all together & you’re just rockin’ it—because doing what seems right in our own eyes, no matter how righteous it seems, will ALWAYS fall short of deferring to God in any given moment. We need Him.
Let’s go through some areas that require daily surrender.
Rise & Shine? Or Waking Up with the Grumpies?
When I begin my day, it’s my morning attitude & sleepy grumpiness that I must surrender first. My alarm goes off & I confess, my initial response is NOT “Riiise & shiiine, & give God the glory, glory!!” (Anyone else have camp leaders sing that to your hall every morning… oh LORD, I needed to pray for patience & grace those mornings!)
But, NO, that is not my usual first feeling. Normally, I groan in disgust, pinch my eyes shut in annoyed defiance to the required wakeup time, roll out of bed slowly, unwillingly… & pray something like, “God, I’m sorry. Please forgive my bad attitude. I am SO tired I just want to go back to sleep! Please help me honor You today & help my attitude get in shape this morning. Help me not ruin my own day with my own bad attitude. Help me give You glory today instead. AMEN.”
Surrender.
God Asked Me to Do It, But _____________________
Sometimes the need for surrender comes in those moments where I feel an annoying little nudge-prompting from God to do something that intimidates me or something for which I feel ill-equipped. My heart rears back & I feel fear & defiance & anxiety take root.
It’s when I feel too busy to handle it… or too easily distractable… or too worn out… or too ________________________. Distractions & inadequacies & obstacles seem to come in every shape or form when I feel anxious about something God asks of me.
And then God whispers over my heart the reminder that whatever He asks of me, whether a habit I need to get to making, or an area of obedience I am avoiding, or a task to speak to or help someone… no matter what it is… HE will take care of the details & the how. I just have to be willing to say, “Yes, Lord. Show me how. You know this scares or intimidates me because I want to be honoring to You, but practically, I don’t know how to do this. But if it’s something that honors You, I need to remember that You WILL help me to do it if I just be willing to let You.Don’t let any obstacle or limitation keep me from trusting You can make it happen anyway. Show me how & give me the strength to do it… & I will do it. AMEN.”
Surrender.
Love & Pray for My ENEMIES?
Or, here’s a good one. You know the verse that says to “love our enemy & pray for those who persecute us?” (Luke 6:27-36) Sometimes someone is straight up RUDE to me & they know it & they just don’t care one bit. Or, they are completely & utterly CLUELESS to how their bad attitude is being directed at me & so don’t feel the need to apologize at all.
Is my natural reaction to love & pray for them? NO! A BIG no. I want to throat punch them & tell them to shape up. I want to DEMAND the injustice & unkindness be righted.
What I DON’T want… is to be gracious(remember, by DEFINITION, grace is UNdeserved.)
I have to take a deep breath, swallow my righteous anger (because really, I have a right to be angry, but God instructs us to be angry & NOT SIN. (AKA no hatred & yes to loving them & praying for them instead), (Ephesians 4:26-32) & I have to stop & pray: “God… GOD… You saw that. I know You heard what they said & that You feel the hurt it caused me. I want it made RIGHT! I want justice. I want an apology. I want to scream. But I know bitterness & grudges & bottling up my anger doesn’t please You. You want me to love them & pray for them. HOW?!? Help me forgive them. Help me give grace. Help me remember I am just as in need of grace as they. Help me to leave it in Your hands & trust You to handle it. Show me how I can possibly love them. Teach me how. Love them through me & teach me to pray for them versus stewing in it or slandering them over it. Please help me. AMEN.”
Surrender.
So Many Things Don’t Go My Way… & Surprisingly, That Always Ends Up Being a Good Thing
And then there are my plans & goals & dreams, like I talked about last week. Sometimes God says “no.” Sometimes He says, “not right now” & sometimes the “when”not right now” seems so far off or so unclear that you’re not even sure if maybe it’s actually a NO. And it hurts.
Maybe it’s lacking a relationship & you wonder if you’ll be single forever(been there), watching your younger siblings & friends get married while you are yet to have any true prospects (again, been there). Everyone else seems to be enjoying marital bliss but you.
Or maybe it’s a job or career path that ever seems to be slipping out of your grasp or you feel like you’re floating through life, still completely unsure of “what you want to be when you grow up.” Everyone else seems to have it figured out but you.(I can also relate).
Maybe it’s wanting children, but every month you are hit again with the realization that it won’t be this time around. And that happens over & over & over again & you wonder why it seems God won’t answer that for you. Everyone else seems to have a happy family with game nights & camping trips & time with cousins… but you arrive childless to every family gathering. (That was my heart hurt for MANY years, although God has grown me to appreciate the different plan He has had for us. Read about that story, here: “To the Barren Woman.”)
Maybe it’s a prolonged illness, a bad diagnosis, a terrible injury, a mental disorder, or a trauma that seems to haunt you on the daily.Everyone else seems capable & able to live life to the fullest, but you feel stuck, missing out & held back against your will.
I could go through so many maybes, but the truth is, sometimes life just doesn’t happen the way we so, SO want it to.
And that takes surrender. Surrendering to GOD’S will when it seems so opposite your own. DETERMINING to cling to Him & trust His GOODNESS, to trust HIM. No matter what.
True Joy Comes in Living a Life of Surrender
EVERY decision He makes, as absolute authority over heaven & earth is ALWAYS meant for BOTH His glory & your GOOD. Always. 100%.
True joy comes in living a life of surrender, whether it’s my attitude, or little choices in how I respond or treat a situation, or being obedient to Him even when I don’t want to or it’s hard, or facing the fact that God’s plan may not line up AT ALL with mine.
It brings true joy to surrender to Him in all things because STRIVING after & CLINGING to & DEMANDING to have your way happen or that you DESERVE to feel that way or react that way… when we do that, we hurt ourselves.
Let God take on that heavy weight. And let Him carry YOU. Let Him care for & comfort you.
Say, “God, I don’t like the way this is turning out & I want to be bitter & mad at You even. I’m sorry for that, but it’s the truth. I don’t understand why You would allow this to be my life. How can You say you love me & allow this to be my life? I don’t understand. But I want to trust You. I want to trust that You’re still good & that somehow You know what You’re doing & that You’re even ENOUGH for me in this plan I DO NOT like. Help me. I really want to believe You, but it hurts so much. Help me fall back on You & know that You will be there to catch me. Help me stop striving & to start abiding in You & Your comfort & Your enoughness. Show me how. Teach me. Help my broken, bitter heart. Forgive me. Amen.”
Surrender IS Hard, But It WILL Change Your Life for the Best
It’s called surrender because it means the giving up of your way of doing or handling things, of giving up the way you’ve always wanted things to go… of choosing His will over your own.
But that’s where true & lasting joy breeds… in a surrendered-always-to-Him LIFE.
It seems nonsensical that by giving up the way we feel things should be handled or how I want MY life to go… that it will somehow make things better? But we’re not just throwing it all away to chance & then hoping at least some good will come of it, resigning to just giving up or numbing ourselves to what we want so we can bear to carry on… no, we’re ENTRUSTING that difference & contrast to an Almighty God who LOVES us so very much& Who sent Jesus to pay your debts so you could be set free from your due punishment.
He wants what is best for you & He KNOWS what is best for you… even if you think it doesn’t look very much like how you would want it… That’s a GOOD thing when you consider Who is doing the planning!
So, shine HOPE in your life by determining to choose surrender in the big & the small every single day & let HIM be GOD of your life. AMEN!
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.
Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
A Note from Michelle:
(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)
This blog/website has been running for over FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!
Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world!Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Kaia Earrings (Philippines)
(Shown: Kaia Earrings, handcrafted in the Philippines. Every purchase empowers women in the Philippines out of poverty!)
These elegant eco-friendly earrings feature ethically sourced, sustainable, capiz shells that local families harvest from the bottom of the sea surrounding the Philippine islands. Artisans handcraft these natural capiz shells into blue ombré teardrop shapes and then wrap them in silver-tone metal frames before adding silver-tone fishhook ear wires.
Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in the Philippines.
How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!
It’s Hard to Trust Him When His Plan Goes Against Mine
Have you ever wanted something so badly that it hurts & yet your prayers seem to fall on deaf ears? You know God sees your aching heart & feels your hurt, & yet, He doesn’t answer the way you want?
Or have you gone through something so incredibly hard that you beg God for a solution or healing or an end to it… & yet none comes?
Why surrender to God when nothing is going your way? HOW can you?
Hitting a Crossroad… Sometimes Prayers Don’t Get Answered the Way That I Want
I feel like life is a constant progression of coming to these crossroads: Will I choose my will… or His when they’re very different?
First that I can remember was my depression era in high school, where I wanted to die more than anything else… I wanted the pain to stop but it just never would… like I was trapped in a broken, fractured mind that barraged me constantly with thoughts about how much of a worthless burden I was. I prayed for freedom from the constant onslaught of attacks, but none came… for two straight years, none came.
Then there was my romantic heart where any boy that was nice to me… well, I was already basically picturing what our kids would look like & what our life would be like if we ended up together. I wanted to be married more than anything else… I loved the idea of feeling completely & utterly loved… but traumas & fears caused me to run whenever it got serious… & nothing ever felt quite right… like I was chasing validation versus real, sacrificial reciprocated love. I prayed & prayed & prayed, but everything hit a dead end, watching my younger sister & younger friends all wed before I even came close… & it hurt… a lot.
And Hokkaido… the isolation… the loneliness… the culture shock waves that would knock me off my feet unexpectedly… the stress buildup that started ripping apart my threshold for stressors… snapping & crying & rage & despair & feeling trapped by the effects the stress was having on my life & not feeling able to stop it… & no one in my life seemed to understand, isolating me even more. I prayed for it to end, but it always seemed to just only get worse.
Surrender to God When His Plan Contradicts Yours
I have been through even more examples of times when nothing seemed to go my way(like not being able to get pregnant or fighting through traumas), no matter how reasonable or good intentions my pleading had, it never seemed to be enough… the agony didn’t end… the answer to my prayer seemed nonexistent… God was silent when it came to giving me what I so badly wanted.
Surrender seems the least obvious choice here. Well, maybe surrender to the despair or hopelessness… but not to God & the possibility that He may have a different plan than I do. When God withholds the way I want so desperately for things to work out, it doesn’t spark an eagerness to surrender to Him at all… it makes me want to hold on & fight, as if maybe I just need to BETTER convince God to hear me out & help me & answer my way.
When All Hope Feels Lost… Will You Surrender to Him AS Your Hope?
When you are stuck not getting what you so desperately want… the thing you ache & long for, whether it be the end of constant pain or the end of loneliness or freedom from constant stress… will you choose to cling to the end of that struggle above all else?
Or will you surrender to God & ask for His will to be done in your life, EVEN IF it is different than your own?
“God, You know I’m hurting. You know how desperate I feel right now… But I also know that You are God & You are good. You have a perfect plan in this. You are sufficient. If You choose to take me a different route, hard as it may seem to me, can You please show Yourself sufficient to me? Help me remember You want my good & that You love me & that You are always enough? Help me trust that You know what You’re doing better than I do... that You see the WHOLE picture that I don’t. Help me learn how to better trust You when Your plan seems so wildly different than what I so, so badly want. I have to trust that, even if it doesn’t go my way. Help me to trust You, to surrender to You, come what may. AMEN.”
Surrender to God’s Will ALWAYS–Even If It Means the Hurt Won’t Stop, It Means He Will Carry You through to an Even Better Plan Than Your Own
In my biggest battle with depression, where I had already listened to Satan’s lies so much that I had spiraled to a place so dark I didn’t even know how to find my way out anymore… I not only prayed but tried everything to pump joy into my life my way, only to find it progressively worsen. It wasn’t until I fully surrendered that I found freedom. I gave up every pursuit to make myself happy, to control my happiness input to ensure I would be happy, to instead say, “God, nothing else. Only You. Nothing else.” And only in the surrender of my pursuit of happiness to rest it all on Him no matter what, did I find that freedom… & not ONLY freedom, but the definitively clear dispelling of doubts I had carried my whole life, giving me an even richer freedom that I never knew could even be possible in my life.
In my longing, lonely, desperate heart of singleness, watching everyone else get married while I seemed to be on a path of eternal singleness, I was inspired by my aunt who had lost her husband & in that loss, she clung to God as her hope. I used to pity her, but after a long, unexpected car ride with just us, I saw behind the image I imagined & instead saw a woman who had such peace & assurance & inner humble confidence. I realized then that singleness was not a curse, but a blessing… if I would but surrender to God’s will over my own... His sufficiency & His love.
And then there was Hokkaido… where I didn’t surrender. I wanted to feel comfort. I wanted to escape the stress. So, I hid from it. I idolized comfort above all else, even above God. I avoided by tv binging & gaming & food. I didn’t learn from my past… that surrender leads to HOPE. I fought God’s plan to keep me in that stressful atmosphere rather than surrendering to that FACT that He would be ENOUGH for me IN it. I let bitterness against God take root & I didn’t get to see the hope that surrendering to Him brings.
Surrendering to God’s will seems THE LAST thing I want to do when life isn’t going my way, but it is in that surrender that I finally find that HOPE I so desperately search for.
God Can be Trusted in Our Surrender
God knows what He is doing. He is all-powerful, all-knowing, & perfectly, without-any-mistakes-ever WISE.
God sees the big picture: all the pieces in play, all unexpected turn of events, spanning through all eternity. He sees it ALL, while I just think I know what I see in my tiny fraction of it.
God can bring beauty out of ashes. No matter how impossibly hard something seems, it ALWAYS is appreciated when it is finally over when I choose surrender to Him in it.
God can be ENOUGH for me in the hard. He is NEVER lacking & how obvious it becomes when I struggle & feel at a complete loss & yet allow Him to be enough & see that He indeed IS.
It’s in the hard that we can see it’s not me or getting my way that will bring me joy & peace & fulfillment… No. It’s found in surrendering to HIS way where we find all that, even when His way seems the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of our most desired way.
Let God Have His Way–You Will Never Regret It
So, why surrender to God when His plan contradicts yours?
Because God is GOD. He can be trusted 100%. He is enough. And if you let Him, He will take your less than ideal & paint a beautiful, unique masterpiece out of your life, one where you will one day look back in awe & wonder & PRAISE that in the impossible, God made a way… & not just A way, but the most beautiful story you never could have imagined for yourself.
So, shine HOPE by learning the beauty in SURRENDER—even when nothing in life is going your way & even when God seems to want the opposite of your own desperate desires.
Surrender to Him… always.
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.
Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
A Note from Michelle:
(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)
This blog/website has been running for over FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!
Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world!Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Kavita Necklace (India)
(Shown: Kavita Necklace, handcrafted by artisans in India. Every purchase empowers women in India out of poverty.)
Handcrafted by her fellow Artisans in India, this eye-catching necklace is named in honor of Kavita, who inspires women in her community and around the world to become heroes of their own stories! Naturally varying shades of raspberry, blue, white, green, black, and faded pink make this colorful design truly mesmerizing, whether you wear it alone or layer it with more of your favorite fair-trade designs! Every purchase creates safe jobs with fair wages in areas of extreme poverty in India.
How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!
For me, I envision garlands & twinkling lights. I think of Christmas songs playing merrily on the radio while I drive past decorated homes. I dream of Christmas cookies, Christmas candle scents, & belly laughs with friends. Merriment, joy, contentment. I think of beautifully wrapped presents under a beautifully decorated tree. Friends & family & food & lights & bright colors everywhere. To me, that is my ideal Merry Christmas.
But What About When It’s Not So Perfect?
But what about the woman who sits in her living room, staring blankly out at a black night, feeling the emptiness of the seat beside her. Her children are grown, her husband has passed away, & her future is uncertain & gray. A tear drops onto her cheek. For her, her silent night is deafening.
But what about the mom whose husband is not around, kids begging for presents she can’t afford… Working two jobs & trying her best to take time to decorate & gift the best she can, trying to find time to make some semblance of merry exist for her children’s sake, but constantly feeling like she comes up short. The crying, the chaos, the stress. For her, her silent night is never silent.
But what about the woman who looks around at couples holding hands over the holidays, seeing Christmas movies about falling in love under the mistletoe & she wonders if she is just too messed up or just not good enough to ever be truly loved like that. She feels lonely & sad & a burden to everyone around her because of it, trying her best to be merry for their sakes, while feeling the heavy weight of lonely longing relentlessly pressing down on her heavy heart. For her, her silent night is a night filled with silent sobs.
But what about the girl lying in a hospital bed, seeing the paper cutouts of snowflakes on the wall, made by friends attempting to help her feel the hope she does not feel, knowing her diagnosis is grim, knowing her pain is causing her family pain, but not being able to do anything about it. For her, her silent night is terrifying.
Missing a loved one who is gone… Money too tight to pay the incoming bills… A weighty medical diagnosis… Betrayal, hurt, or rejection… Empty, alone… Abuse… Sick or dying… No backup plan… A scary, uncertain future… For some, their reality is that it is hard to imagine having a merry Christmas in a less than merry life.
A Christmas with Room for the Hurting
This isn’t told to be the downer… to make you feel guilt… to weigh you down & steal your joy… but to open your heart with perspective, that for some, it is hard to have a merry Christmas in a less than merry life.
If you were to scroll back up & read all about my picture-perfect, ideal merry Christmas, their stories just don’t mesh well with any of it–But it is their reality all the same, Christmas or not… convenient timing or not.
My temptation is to cling to my description of an ideal merry Christmas & to tune out anything that doesn’t fit, but is that the heart of Christ? No, it isn’t.
I need to learn better to make room in my Christmas for the less than ideal, too.
Jesus Didn’t Come to Avoid the Pain, But to Bring Hope for the Hurting
I think of the good Samaritan story in the Bible (Luke 10:25-37), telling of those who saw the beat up, bloodied man who had been robbed & left for dead, & yet, they swerved to the other side of the road & pretended not to notice as they passed by. Is that what I do when I want to cling to my Christmas ideal?
Jesus knew why He was coming to earth as God & man. He knew the reason He was coming to be born… Jesus knew what Christmas was really about–it was about bringing HOPE to the hurting (Luke 2:8-14).
He sees your story, your reality–no matter how merry or how messy. He sees every tear, every choked back sob, every desperate, lonely, aching heart. He doesn’t try to block it out because it’s not “merry enough” for His birthday. No, quite the contrary.
Jesus came knowing our realities, even when they are grim & bleak & less than ideal… He came understanding the hurts caused by this sin-torn world. His heart ached for our aches. His love for us demanded He do something about it.
He came so that we may have life & have it more abundantly (John 10:10). He came to give us life, through HIS life (1 John 3:16-18).
And so: Christmas.
A Whispered Prayer for Hope
Sometimes, when life is hard & our faith is weak, it’s a weak, whispered prayer uttered from a numbness within, saying, “Lord…. Lord…. I just can’t. Please help me. I have no hope left. I’m sorry I have such little faith. I’m sorry that all I see is my pain & struggle & hurt & fear. I’m sorry. But please. Please help me to have hope. Help me to learn how You can be enough for me when I feel so empty. I don’t understand how that can be, but God, You are bigger than me. Help me see. Help me believe. Help give me hope. Thank You for coming. I clearly don’t deserve it because instead of rejoicing, I am despairing. I am underestimating You at every turn, I know it. Please forgive me. But thank You for coming for me. Thank You for not trying to tune out my sorrow to keep the day “merry.” Thank You for loving me in my mess & lack of faith. Thank You for never leaving nor forsaking me. Thank You for being born on this earth, God as man, Emmanuel “God with us.” And thank You for demonstrating that love through action. Thank You for coming to pay my price for me. For loving me that much. You are greatly to be praised. Thank You Jesus. Thank You. I don’t know what is to come, but I do know that You are here & You are near me & that You care so much that You came to die for me, to rise again to conquer the penalty of my sin. Thank You. Amen.”
God’s Blessings IN the Hard
I have been studying the fruit of the Spirit with a group of ladies at church & one point that consistently stuck out to me was that little word “OF.” Not the fruit of me. Not the fruit of MY efforts. Not the fruit I produce…. But, the fruit OF the Spirit.
Do you know what the fruit OF the Spirit is? It is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.(Galatians 5:22-23)
What is the significance of that little word “of” before “the Spirit”? It means that it is not something we produce in ourselves “if we try hard enough” to BE loving, BE joyful, BE at peace, BE patient, etc. etc. etc….. No, it is that, as we draw near to God, seeking Him in all things big or small, seeking to know & love Him more, seeking to lean on & rely on Him more in life… HE produces those things within us.
In other words, as we draw from Him & rely on Him, the return on our “investment” in that relationship with Him is His producing of love, joy, peace, etc. in us.
How can we claim that our God does not love us SO MUCH when this is what He wishes to pour into our life? God blesses us, even IN the hard. (Psalm 94:19)
Having a Merry Christmas in a Less Than Merry Life
How can I have a Merry Christmas in a less than merry life? Because I don’t have to try to be & do & live all of those things to be a “good enough” Christian. I just have to pour my life into Him & watch as He pours all of that into my life.
Imagine a joy & a peace that says, “Everything is falling apart, & yet, somehow I just know God has a plan for it & will help see me through it. God, You are good, even when my life isn’t!”
Imagine a love & a patience that says, “This wrong was done against me, but no matter how many times I wrong God, He just keeps on loving me & being gracious with me. And if God can do that for me, I can certainly do it for someone else, with God’s help.”
Imagine experiencing the pain of the stories I shared, but also knowing you are held & loved by the Jesus we celebrate Christmas for? That despite your wrongs & many shortcomings, He pursues you & loves you with a love that can’t ever be taken away or diminished.
We can have a Merry Christmas in a less than merry life because we can remember why we celebrate Christmas… WHO we celebrate at Christmas.
Happy Birthday, Jesus!
“Lord, thank You. Thank You for coming for my stubborn, prone-to-complaining, clings-to-comforts-more-than-to-You self. Thank You for never giving up on me. Thank You for determining to pursue me even when I am sour & bitter & angry with You when my life isn’t going well. Thank You for not rejecting me in anger, but forgiving me over & over again.Thank You for being so selfless when You, of ANYONE have a right to be completely, consumingly selfish. You are so gentle & kind in contrast to my demanding & selfish heart. You are so patient & loving when all I want sometimes is for life to go MY way. I don’t deserve Christmas one bit. But You still came, even for me. I can celebrate Christmas because of YOU. I’m sorry I cling to my ideals. I’m sorry I try to tune out the less than ideal. Help me to love like You. Help me to love more sacrificially, even if it means infiltrating the darkness of someone else’s grim Christmas. Help me to love better. Forgive me, please. Help me to love like You, in that, even though it’s YOUR birthday we are meant to be celebrating at Christmas, You didn’t make Your birthday about Yourself, but You condescended into the form of a weak human, & You offered Your life to us. You came to give Yourself, both in Your life & in Your death. You are the definition of love. Thank You & Happy birthday, Jesus! AMEN!”
Make Room in Your Christmas for the Less Than Merry
How can you help spread the hope of Christmas? The love that Jesus displayed in His birth?
Look around for who is sitting alone at church & invite them to sit with you… or ask to sit with them.
Know someone having a hard Christmas because of loss or a different painful struggle? Bring them cookies with a note of hope & encouragement. Don’t know what to write? Write a prayer for God to show His love to them & to offer them hope in the midst of the darkness they may be experiencing.
Send a widow a letter with plenty of pretty stickers to decorate the card.
Ask to pray with someone.
Invite some singles who are away from family to join you for Christmas dinner or cookies.
Organize to send Christmas goody packages to college students unable to return home for Christmas break.
Send a letter to a prisoner or someone deployed & away from home.
Serve at the homeless shelter.
Bring gifts for orphanages.
Give Gospel tracts WITH a tip
Shine HOPE This Christmas
Find ways to bring HOPE to the hurting this Christmas & ask God to show you ways to do it where you are, with the resources & abilities He has given you.
“In all your ways acknowledge Him, & He shall direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3:6)
Shine HOPE by being willing to have a less than ideal, perfect, sparkling, merry Christmas & look to where you can share some Christmas cheer, by sharing the hope we have in Jesus.
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.
Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
A Note from Michelle:
(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)
This blog/website has been running for over FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!
Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world!Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Eucalyptus Rosemary Soap (India)
(Shown: Eucalyptus Rosemary Soap, handmade by women in India. Every purchase empowers women in India out of poverty.)
LIMITED EDITION – While Supplies Last! Artisans in India meticulously craft irresistibly fragrant natural soaps using traditional cold process techniques and ancient blends of moisturizing oils, herbs, and essential oils.
The refreshing herbal signature fragrance of the Eucalyptus Rosemary Soap is a natural blend of moisturizing and healing shea butter and pure oils, including coconut and olive oil with essential oils of eucalyptus and rosemary, which are well known for their soothing stress-reducing, anti-inflammatory, anti-microbial, antioxidant, and decongestant benefits. Rosemary essential oil is also known for relieving fatigue and boosting mental clarity.
–> Every purchase helps empower marginalized and differently abled women in India. <–
How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!
Being a foreigner is hard. Period. Whether you’re in the military, mission field, or are a contractor, it’s tough being the odd one out.
… If you have ever been a foreigner, you probably understand what I mean.
The fact that being a foreigner comes with unique challenges does not negate the fact that there is much adventure to be had while making good memories with great friends… but it is hard.
Feeling Out of Sync with the World Around You
There just seems to be a rhythm in each place in the way they do things & when you don’t know that rhythm, you are automatically out of sync with the world around you.
This could show itself in their customs & etiquette in specific situations that differ from your home country, or slang used in a particular area that you are unfamiliar with, or even how the checkout line or gas station operates—not to mention the currency differences.
Communication takes on a whole new level of hard when you have to use broken sentences, speak slowly, use translation apps & pictures just to find simple things you previously took for granted as a quick in & out stop.
Sometimes employees make a quick 180 & hope you didn’t notice them noticing you before they dart away to avoid an uncomfortable language barrier ridden conversation.
Sometimes children point & stare like you have three heads.
Sometimes you’re hurt or lost & you don’t know how to ask for help.
The Well-Meaning Advice of Others Just Falls Short
Friends & family will often give well-meaning advice, but they don’t really get it & the things they offer are things you’ve tried unsuccessfully a million times… because life is just hard as an expat in a way that not many people will ever experience personally.
Whether it be to avoid things you can’t avoid or try things that can’t be tried the way one may imagine, some advice just doesn’t work when applied to every situation. Because try as you may, it may still just be hard.
The Struggles We Face
Loneliness is a companion you never wanted to ever feel so acquainted with… isolation from a world going on around you… not understanding the signs or billboards or words spoken all around you as people pass on the street.
Straining your ears for a smidge of understanding when listening to announcements or alarms. Keeping your eyes glued to the scrolling train signs for English to appear so you don’t miss your stop because you can’t understand the announcements.
The world goes on around you in a specific rhythm & you are out of sync, lonely while surrounded by people who don’t speak your language.
I know it’s hard because I have been that expat.
The Strange Blend of Happy Memory-Making & Overwhelm/Stress
You can still enjoy where you live, taste the adventure, not be particularly unhappy… & still experience the very real HARD it is to live abroad as a foreigner. It doesn’t stop being hard just because you’re having fun. And the constant striving to adapt is a constant challenge to the brain.
As an expat, your brain is working on constant overdrive, sometimes burning out or overheating from constant input that it can’t make any sense out of. It gets tired more easily. It feels overwhelmed more easily. And even things that once were taken for granted as “simple” now make you want to cry because you’re already maxed out.
The stress on your brain is real. Culture shock is not just an initial adjustment period, but a literal shock to your brain with every new thing your brain can’t compute easily or understand because it’s not the way you’ve always known things to be.
Overwhelm, stress on your brain, loneliness, isolation… all of these can happen for an expat because they don’t fit the rhythm of the world going on around them… even while you’re making wonderful memories.
You’re Not Crazy… It’s Just Hard
So, if you are an expat, if you’re military or a missionary, please know you’re not crazy. Even if no one seems to understand just how hard it can be or why it feels so hard for you specifically, you’re not crazy. It’s just hard.
Friends & family don’t mean to belittle your struggle. They’re not trying to say you’re weak or weird for struggling… they just may not have experienced it the way you have… they just may not understand & how could they if they haven’t themselves experiences it before?
Even I, before moving to Hokkaido, didn’t understand one bit. I visualize their experience as an extended, adventurous vacation & would romanticize “how cool it would be,” not realizing how hard it would be right alongside that “cool.”
Please be Kind to Others… Even if It Doesn’t Make Sense to You
And if you haven’t been a foreigner, please be kind to the foreigners you know, whether they be friends from your home country who are now overseas & their struggle doesn’t make much sense to you, or whether it be friends who are foreigners in your home country… be kind… because it’s hard.
Be patient with them as they struggle with the language & the customs & the way of life & the unexpected & the out of the norm for them. Give them grace.
Pray with them as their emotions & stress & overwhelm struggle with being out of rhythm with their world, feeling isolated & maybe alone. Pray with them & for them.
It’s okay not to understand why they feel what they feel, but God understands, so remind them of that & offer to just take a moment to sit & pray for them, asking God to help them manage the stress, to comfort them & give them peace, to be their strength, & to give them courage to face the unknowns of each day, with each new wave of culture shock that may catch them off guard.
Give Yourself Grace… & Pray/Lean into God for Help
And if it’s you who struggles right now, I get it, friend. I get it. It’s hard & somedays all I could manage was to cry because the strain & stress & overwhelm & isolation felt so oppressive. It’s hard.
But God IS greater & bigger & stronger than you are.
He CAN give peace where peace seems impossible.
He CAN BE your strength if you let Him.
Some days I rocked it. I cried & prayed & asked God for help with some semblance of normalcy & comfort & peace & strength & courage… & He gave it & I overcame that day with His help.
But other days… I just cried & tried to shut out the oppressive overwhelm that threatened to consume me.
Give yourself grace in the hard. It’s okay that it feels hard because some days it is. You don’t have to conquer every day with easy courage. You’re allowed to struggle & recognize you need help.
As Always, Ask God for Help in the Hard
Lean into Him. Take your burden to Him, drop it, & say, “God, this is too heavy for me today. I feel like I am being swept down river. Help give me my footing. Help me cling to You & not let myself be swept away by the stress of today. Help me trust that You really are enough when I am not. Help me to have grace when others may flippantly dismiss my struggle, not understanding how it could be such a struggle for me. Help me to be patient with them & with myself. Help me to recognize that it’s okay that it feels hard & that You can be enough for me in the hard, when I come to the end of myself. Even in loneliness, You are my Friend. You counsel me & love me & are faithful through every bit of it. Thank You, Father for Your consistent love. Amen.”
It’s okay that it’s hard. God is enough in the hard. Cling to Him.
Shine HOPE by letting Him be your enough even on days when you realize you really, absolutely are not.
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.
Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
A Note from Michelle:
(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)
This blog/website has been running for over FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!
Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world!Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Dali Earrings (East Asia)
(Shown: Dali Earrings, handmade in East Asia. Every purchase empowers women in East Asia out of poverty.)
LIMITED EDITION – While Supplies Last! Add some sparkle to your wardrobe with these totally unique 14k gold-plated Dali Earrings with stunning cubic zirconia crystals. These abstract sculptural hoop earrings are ethically made by women rescued from brothels in East Asia.
–>Every purchase provides safe housing, health care, trauma counseling, job skills training, and a dignified income for sex trafficking survivors.<–
How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!
I have had a lot of opportunities to feel weak over these last few months.
From dealing with the disappointment, bitterness, & anxiety of moving back to Guam from my favorite home—Misawa, Japan, to all of the problems with the entire process of the move (prep fails & all of the move process problems), to then the struggles that seem to barrage us at every turn since we have arrived… I have definitely felt beaten down by life a lot lately.
If maybe only a few of these things had happened, any of those things may have been merely a temporary frustration, but when it happens again & again & again & again & doesn’t seem to have any end to the “agains,” it starts to feel defeating & exhausting, my nerves already shot & my patience spent, turning a near nonissue into another fail to add to ever-growing pile.
A Display of Weakness
And I don’t try to hide it.Why? Because my weakness is a canvas for God’s glory & all He is capable of when I am clearly not.
Tears come more easily lately & anxiety rears up more readily & I just feel tired & distracted & disheveled pretty regularly these days… not all the time, mind you… but pretty regularly.
I don’t like hard. I covet easy comfort. I know it’s an idol of mine & boy has God made it clear to me how much I yearn for it over Him these past several months.
This journey of moving back to Guam, in all of its struggle & trouble, has led me to cry out like Paul when he cried out to God about the thorn in his side. “Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:8-9)
I don’t try to hide it because I want everyone to know just how weak I really am, so that they know any strength or peace I possess is not from willpower or personal strength, but because I turn to God & ask for HIM to BE my enough when I’m not.
In the Waiting, May My Weakness Display His Strength
I cry something similar pretty frequently these days. I just want a period of peace, where I have nothing new to report & at least nothing new goes wrong for a while. I don’t even need it to be perfect & fun necessarily, I just want a break from the hard for just a little bit.
And maybe that day is coming soon… or maybe not….
But just like Paul was reminded, God reminds me also that God is enough for me IN the hard.(2 Corinthians 12:8-9)
A Blessing Is Not Just When Everything Is Going Right
I see so often a list of GOOD things shared by friends, followed with “I’m so blessed!” but sometimes the blessings come most preciously when nothing in life seems to ever go right… where NOTHING seems good… because in those moments, we can most clearly see that while nothing else seems sufficient, nothing seems to be working out, everything is going wrong, & I don’t have the strength to be capable & strong seeming in & of myself… that God really IS sufficient.
My weakness is a canvas for His glory… for His strength.
When everyone sees just how weak & incapable & foolish I am… me as a mess… then any good that comes from my story can only be explained One way… Him.
God, I Need You… Every Hour I Need You
When I am weak, where peace seems an impossible thing, where rest feels to be eluding me at every opportunity, & I am beaten down by life… I can slump down & cry… I can be honest with Him about how it hurts & hold nothing back… & then I can say, “God, I need You. I need You to be my enough right now. Thank You that because of Jesus paying my debt & restoring a right relationship between You & me, I can come to You with it all & trust You to be enough, even when I most certainly am not. Thank You for being faithful even when I feel faithless. Thank You for Your sufficiency & grace. Thank You for giving me Your peace even when any peace seems impossible to me. Thank You! Amen.”
Only He Is Perfect
We’re not meant to try to present ourselves as infallible & perfect, someone who never fails, struggles, or makes mistakes. We are meant to present Him as such.
Should we strive to honor Him in all of life? Yes, of course.
Will we always succeed? Nope.
Should we pretend we always succeed “for our testimony”? NO.
We should humbly accept where we fall short & draw back to Him for His loving grace & mercy, displaying His grace, love, mercy, faithfulness, & power in every circumstance.
Shine HOPE by letting your weakness be a canvas for God’s glory in the lives of those around you.
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.
Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
A Note from Michelle:
(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)
This blog/website has been running for over FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!
Celebrate My Birthday This Week by Getting Yourself a Treat:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world!Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Capiz Dove Ornament Set (Philippines)
(Shown: Capiz Dove Ornament Set, handmade in the Philippines! Every purchase of this set empowers women in the Philippines out of poverty!)
LIMITED EDITION – WHILE SUPPLIES LAST! This elegant set of three handcrafted capiz shell ornaments begins at the bottom of the sea surrounding the Philippine Islands. Divers collect basketfuls of beautiful “windowpane” shells for Artisans like Emelyn, who cut each custom shape and bind them by into delicate gold-plated frames to create these dove-inspired ornaments. Every purchase of this ornament set empowers women in the Philippines out of poverty!
How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!
You may or may not have followed that my husband & I just moved back to Guam a few months ago & that we are in temporary living until we can work through details for a home purchase.
Well, the saga continues with even more issues. It looks like temporary living is extended yet again & our longings for a HOME put off once more.
To say this entire process has been trying would be an understatement. From the process of the move continually blowing up in our face at the last minute to the MANY trials of the 2.5 days of travel, to now our seemingly never-ending pursuit of a place we can call HOME… it has been ROUGH.
And to admit it continues is disheartening. When does it end? Why is this happening? How many times can stuff go wrong? How many mistakes can be made by how many professionals whose job it is to guide us through this? Why? How? What? WHEN?!
But God has confirmed to us His hand in this, so we are left with a giant “shrug” emoji as our response to it all.
How Can I Trust God When Everything Falls Apart?
We have no clue how God is working or what He is planning, but we know He sure has His hand in it somehow because He has overwhelmed us with reassurance of His guidance for this path.
So, *shrug*
How can I trust God when everything falls apart as it seems to be so readily & consistently doing every step of the way?
Some have told us, “kinda makes you wonder if this is actually where God wanted you if so many things keep going wrong,” & trust me, I have been tempted to think this way sometimes, too, because satan easily & often convinces me of the easy-to-believe LIE that hard=bad & easy=good.
God’s Fingerprints & Reassurance in the STORM
But the ease in how this job came to our attention & how the pieces almost seemed to form together as we followed, without our trying to make it happen, show us His fingerprints in the plan.
And still the fact that EVEN with EVERYTHING seemingly sitcom-worthy nonsensical mishaps & craziness en route just all worked out anyway even though it seemed there would be ABSOLUTELY NO WAY POSSIBLE after everything that went wrong… almost like God was saying, “Nope, not even THAT can keep My plan from moving forward.”
He has SHOWN UP in this.
Hard Hurts
But hard hurts. Hard doesn’t feel good. Hard isn’t easy.
So, hard feels BAD. But hard is just hard.
I want to feel capable & in control, with a plan that I can execute, with God’s help, & feel strong & well able to charge ahead in this new path… but I’m not.
Throw depression in the mix & it’s like, “Really, God? Really?”
It’s like my life & my inner self is being stripped of everything that makes me feel strong & capable…. Glaringly obvious signs that I am NOT, in fact, strong & capable.
And it doesn’t feel good, let me tell you. It does NOT feel good.
So HOW can I trust God when everything falls apart? HOW?
Fearing God Is the Beginning of Wisdom
Because it all boils down to the repeated phrase throughout the Bible, as mentioned so well in Proverbs 9:10, “Fearing God is the beginning of wisdom.”
That sounds foreboding & menacing, like a threat to submit & fear Him… maybe… but listen up….
For someone who rejects God, then yes, very much yes… you WILL face judgement whether you want to believe Him or accept Him or not. And if you insist on rejecting His grace, you WILL be called on to pay for your sin. The debt will fall on you.
But if you have accepted the gift of God, through Jesus paying your debt in full, submitting your life to Him… fearing God doesn’t come with a sense of doom, but rather facing a fact that God is GOD… & you are not.
So, taking that to heart, God’s absolute authority, Kingship, power, & control as ALMIGHTY GOD… I can trust that even if it seems like a hot mess of a dumpster fire with doom & destruction where absolutely NOTHING seems to work no matter HOW HARD you try… that HE HAS IT COVERED.
PERIOD.
We Know He Has It Covered!
Like I said, through God working the move together despite every turn being met with something or other falling apart at the last minute, coupled with the confirmation He has provided to me & my husband on this path with this house… we KNOW HE HAS IT COVERED.
Is it easy to have no say & absolutely no control whatsoever in this working out? NO!
Is it easy to not know what will happen & having to step forward without knowing where we will end up or when we will be able to call someplace HOME again? NO!!!
Is it easy to trust God when I don’t know His plan? No, no, no!
I have cried. I have felt like giving up. I have struggled with feelings of anger & bitterness. I have intimidated by the problems. I have wanted to just quit & run toward something that feels easier to me. I have had days where I just feel WEIGHED DOWN with ALL of it!
I don’t always have good days where I JUST TRUST. I don’t always submit in prayer immediately or respond with a gracious heart right away. My attitude has not always been honoring to God through this process.
But in those days & times, God whispers over my heart to praise Him, to recalibrate my heart to fix my eyes on Him & not on what I see or can’t see.
He reminds me to trust Him to be better & stronger & more capable than ME… by INFINITE amounts.
He reminds me that He WILL work everything not just for His glory, but always also for my good.
My Role Is to Just. Trust. Him.
And my role? Just. Trust. Him.
Let go & just trust Him.
Fall at His feet. Crawl to His throne. Whisper prayers in my weaknesses. And just trust Him.
“God, help me please oh please to just trust You.”
Shine HOPE by DETERMINING to trust the FACT that He has you, EVEN when EVERYTHING seems to be falling apart. Because He does. Oh, He DOES! Amen!
Just. Trust Him.
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.
Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
A Note from Michelle:
(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)
This blog/website has been running for over FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!
Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world!Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Pippa the Penguin (Vietnam)
(Shown: Pippa the Penguin, hand-crocheted in Vietnam. Every purchase empowers women in Vietnam out of poverty.)
LIMITED EDITION – While supplies last! Cuddly, soft, and squeezable, Pippa the Penguin is timeless, fair-trade, holiday fun with a festive red winter scarf! Artisans in Vietnam hand crochet each lovable penguin with soft cotton-blend yarn and gray, white, yellow, and red colors that make this adorable stuffed animal an ideal winter gift or addition to any holiday decor. Each huggable penguin is hand stuffed by visually impaired women in areas of extreme poverty.
Every purchase provides fair-trade jobs for local women and villagers who are overcoming disabilities, homelessness, and extreme poverty in Vietnam.
How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!
Okay, let’s take a moment to kick Satan out of this conversation. He has too long written the narrative for mental illness & it is about time we take it back & place it under our loving ALMIGHTY God.
So, if you are no stranger to my blog, then you know by now that I talk about my battle with depression—a lot—how it has shaped me, how it torments me in some seasons of my life, & how God has used it in my life to make Himself & His love known to me.
But something I have not really addressed, at least not with much detail, is how to parse through a life with mental illness & come out with victory versus defeat. So, let’s redeem the narrative.
Victory In, After, & Through
Now, I am not talking only about victory after the fact… you know, the struggle & fight & maybe eventual crash that God uses to show Himself sovereign, in control at all times, faithful, full of grace & love, & His ever willingness to turn any bad in my life for His glory AND my good… But victory IN & THROUGH the struggle as well!
For me, this seems to be an occasion for a good eye roll. “In & through the struggle” means the struggle is still going on, so how can that mean any victory is happening at all???
But hang with me & let’s flesh this out so that if you struggle with a mental illness (or any illness, really) or whether you simply know someone with that struggle… then you know how to have wise discernment in it, you know how to pray through it, & you know you don’t HAVE to give in to it—you CAN have victory IN & THROUGH it!
Our Struggle or Sin Does Not Define Us
First of all, we need to recognize that one of the cunning tactics of the devil is that he loves to take our struggles with sin or our circumstances & wrap them into our identity.
Satan does this with homosexuality, for example, as we can clearly see in our culture today. God gave me the discernment to see there are no “homosexuals” only PEOPLE. Some people PRACTICE homosexuality & some don’t, but all are PEOPLE—an important distinction!
The same is becoming true with regard to mental illness. “I struggle with mental illness” is becoming an identifier for ourselves.
This isn’t necessarily sinful, but rather a way we learn how to relate to the world & accept our limitations, but Satan is not without his tricks & cunning manipulations.
When we begin to IDENTIFY as “one who struggles with ________________ mental illness,” we can fall into the trap of limiting ourselves along with the limitations that illness creates within us… & limiting God right along with it!
The Five Parts
So, today, I want to break apart this issue of depression (or mental illness) into the 5 separate parts involved in how we identify mental illness(cause, symptoms, consequences of symptoms, Satan’s exploitation of those, & our CHOICE in how we respond to it all) & help us understand mental illness with discernment so we do not have to feel controlled by it.
I want to break mental illness into five parts—I will be using depression as my example, since that is my personal struggle, but this can be applied to any limitation you face mentally or physically.
Parts 1-3 (Cause, Symptoms, & Consequences of Symptoms)
First, consider the actual, medical problem that exists, also known as the cause—for example, depression can mean that your body does not properly regulate how much serotonin or dopamine is released in your body.
So, secondly, because your body does not produce or regulate well its proper levels of these chemicals in your brain… the symptoms, or the second part of depression, are what results from this lowered or unregulated release of these chemicals in your brain. The symptoms may include sluggishness, feeling tired or checked out or numb to goings on around you. You can feel a lack of energy or excitement.
And now, the third part would be the consequences of the symptoms…maybe not being as engaging, cheerful or personable, tasks seeming more difficult to complete, you don’t feel happiness in accomplishing tasks, making simple tasks feel complicated, frustrating, &/or difficult. In short, life feels HARD even in situations where those things may typically seem simpler or easier for us or others.
Part 4-Satan’s Exploitations of Our Weak Spots
Here is where we typically go wrong in how we determine what IS depression or mental health: Satan’s exploiting those symptoms & consequences, using our limitations & insecurities.
These manipulating exploitations often feed off of insecurities or poor reactions from others & sound similar to: “you are no fun at social gatherings, so just stop going & just avoid people altogether-who cares about them anyway, you don’t need them.” Or “You annoy everyone with your symptoms, so they would be better off without you,” or “everything is hard all the time because you’re a failure of a human being, so just quit already.”
These are twistings of the truth & that is Satan’s specialty. He is cunning & has had a lot of practice. He knows where to hit us & how to kick us when we’re down. He is a liar. (John 8:43-44)
Part 5-The Choice
But that is where part #5 comes in: WE HAVE A CHOICE IN HOW WE RESPOND.
We can either A.) believe Satan’s lies, cave under the weight, & just give up trying because everything just feels hard & quitting just feels like the easier &/or only option.
OR, B.) we can CHOOSE to DETERMINE to cling to God as our hope, our strength, & our comfort.This one takes a humbled, surrendered heart for God’s help to replace our desire for self-sufficiency.
My Cravings for Self-Sufficiency… But… God
I get it. I struggle EVERY time with this choice. I crave easy. I crave comfort. Easy & comfort are some of my main idols in life that I wrestle regularly. It seems SO MUCH EASIER to just be like, “screw it. It’s too hard. I can’t do it anymore. I don’t have it in me to always have it this hard ALL THE TIME!”
BUT… God.
I like to feel capable & in control. I like to feel like “I got this!” & move with confidence that I can handle anything life throws at me… that I can figure it out & work past it & do okay.
But depression reminds me that this isn’t real. I am NOT enough. I DON’T have enough strength. I WANT to quit. I WANT to be capable in & of MYSELF, but I’m NOT!
But… God.
I Am Not Meant to be Self-Sufficient
I’m not meant to be self-sufficient. I was made (& you were made) to have God be our sufficiency. WE WERE MADE TO NEED HIM.
And that’s hard for me, to be honest. It’s really hard.
I don’t like feeling weak. I don’t like SIMPLE tasks feeling SO DANG HARD. I don’t like struggling. I don’t like not being enough. I don’t like when things don’t wrap up all neatly with a nice pretty bow on top.
Depression brings me to the end of myself quite frequently & I quit… a lot.
But when I make a pattern of quitting, Satan knows his tricks well… they seem easier… they seem better… they may even seem like the only option left… but continuing to quit leads to darker & dimmer & a spiral of despair that leads to a darkness so thick you don’t even know how to get out anymore… & Satan knows it.
But… God.
With God, There Is ALWAYS Hope
God can get you out of that darkness you don’t know how to find your way out of… But He can help you well before that, too.
But it takes humility. I’m not going to lie to you… Humility & surrender is HARD, but not as hard as giving up will end up being.
I have to be willing to accept my weakness… my limitations… the HARD, take them to God, & say:
“God, please help me. Help me discern the lies of Satan so he can’t trick me anymore. Don’t let me follow him. Help me cling to You. Help me trust You to be my enough. Humble me to accept YOU as my strength when I have none. To trust You as sufficient in my struggle. To trust You as my comfort. Teach me HOW to do that. I don’t want to live according to Satan’s tricks anymore. I want to choose You—I want to choose LIFE. You are my LIFE. You breathe life into me, so please do that now. Bring joy where I only feel pain. Bring Your strength where I only feel weakness. Help me to praise You IN this. Don’t let me retract into loneliness. Help me give grace to my family & friends because I don’t understand why everything is so hard—it doesn’t make sense to me how it can be this hard—so how can I expect them to understand? Forgive me for my anger at them for not understanding. Forgive me for wanting my control back, for wanting to feel capable & self-sufficient. Help me slump into You. Help me grasp hold of Your hand. Help me trust You against every odd. You are enough for me. Help me to remember that You are enough for me. In Jesus’ name, AMEN!”
Understanding Depression with Discernment
Hard doesn’t have to equal bad… it’s just hard… & that’s okay, because HARD allows us a reminder that we are not enough & to look to Him who IS.
Hard allows us the miraculous insight into the grace & love & comfort & peace & strength & faithfulness & HOPE of God. WHAT AN UNCOMPARABLE GIFT!!!
And check this: Easy doesn’t always mean GOOD. And don’t let Satan convince you otherwise. God calls him the father of lies for a reason. (John 8:43-44)
Don’t define yourself or others by an illness, instead, consider the 5 parts so you know how to ask God for help & how to discern where Satan may be trying to exploit your symptoms & the consequences of those symptoms. God is greater still!
Shine HOPE by CLINGING to God & HIS Truth, HIS comfort, HIS strength, HIS peace, HIS faithfulness, HIS love, & HIS grace, even when you can’t seem to find any of that within yourself.
HE. IS. ENOUGH.
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.
Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
A Note from Michelle:
(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)
This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!
Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world!Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Turtle Backpack (Guatemala)
(Shown: Turtle Backpack, hand-crafted in Guatemala. Every purchase empowers women in Guatemala out of poverty!)
Handcrafted in Guatemala from upcycled traditional Mayan tipico fabric, every 100% cotton backpack features a zipper closure & totally unique patterns & colors. Send your kids to school with this adorable turtle backpack to help moms in Guatemala send their kids to school too!
Every purchase supports women in areas of extreme poverty in Guatemala.
How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!
Have you ever heard the words of 2 Timothy 1:7: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind”?
Growing up going to church, I have heard this verse quoted many a time. But oftentimes when quoted, this verse takes on notes of reprimand, as in: “Why are you afraid? God tells us He hasn’t given us a spirit of fear, so you shouldn’t be afraid. So stop it!”
Well, this is very true in that we shouldn’t be afraid, but I think I misunderstood the heart behind this God-given Truth for most of my life.
Not Condemnation, But Fact
I always felt condemnation from that verse, as if ‘how dare you demonstrate or feel fear, you’re obviously not trusting God enough.’
But, if we look at Judges 6 & 7, with the story about Gideon’s fear, we can clearly see that God did not condemn Gideon for his fear, but was patient in revealing His ability to save in the midst of the many reasons he had to fear.
This helped me better understand God’s heart behind 2 Timothy 1:7, not coming with a voice of condemnation, but rather of revealing a fact. In other words, He is telling us that the fear we feel is not something from Him, it is not something we need to feel imprisoned or paralyzed by.
But… GOD–He Is Bigger Than Any Fear I Could Face
Fear may be felt when we face the unknown or when tragedy leaves us feeling broken or when we’re faced with tremendous trials that seem insurmountable… but we can take heart because that fear is not in our design… it’s a natural response of me as a human facing my limitations.
But… God.
That fear isn’t from Him. We don’t HAVE to let it consume us. It’s a message of HOPE, not condemnation!
That even if we face our biggest fear & that fear threatens to envelop & control our joy, our peace, our confidence… we have the ability to say, “No. I will not let this consume me because this isn’t from God, it’s a fleshly response, but God is bigger & greater than me or any fearful situation I may face, so I can trust in Him more than I cave into my fear!”
God Is Patient, Kind, & Understanding with My Fears… But He Doesn’t Want to Let Them Continue to Control the Narrative of My Life
God was so patient with Gideon when he doubted & feared & questioned constantly, as if to say, “who me??? ME?!? Are you sure You’re talking to the right person here, God? Me? I can’t do that… but, if it is really You & You really will help me overcome this great enemy, I can walk in boldness… so show me, confirm for me that it really is Your call… & I will go.”
But then Gideon seemed to pray that a few times during the story… not unlike ME when faced with something I fear. I want to know that I know that I know that it’s HIM calling me to go before I go. I can trust going only if I know it’s Him calling me to go.
And God patiently revealed that it was indeed Him leading the way, assuring Gideon that no matter how scary & daunting & doomsday-approaching his situation might seem, he doesn’t have to be controlled by that fear any longer because God was with him, assuring victory Himself.
Asking for Confirmation Versus Using Delay Tactics
God doesn’t want me to test Him as a delay tactic to avoid obedience to what I already know is His leading… but if the odds seem stacked against me & I have seen something I have tried fail over & over & OVER again… He understands my fear & is willing to patiently reveal His leading to confirm in my heart that it really is Him… so I can walk forward in confident obedience in Him, through Him.
As in my commitment fears before I married my husband. I wanted to get married, but I was so scared of the future uncertainties. I wanted to trust God to be leading me, but I needed to know it was really of Him & not just me WANTING it to be Him.
And God reassured in many ways as He led the way to the alter when I married my husband of now 10 years. So glad I trusted God more than my fears & I am so glad God patiently assured my of His lead MANY times!
Letting My Fear Control Me… Versus Finding Freedom in Trusting Those Fears to HIM
I know this example may seem silly to you, but something I am praying about is whether to volunteer with a foster aid group here on Guam. It seems silly to be afraid to move forward in this, since it’s for a good cause… but my past makes me afraid.
You see, as much as I know He has given me peace beyond the impossible with so many failed attempts for children of my own… He has provided a peace I didn’t think I could possess… but God has used this volunteer opportunity to bring to light the fear I was holding in my heart (unbeknownst to me), tucked deep within my heart.
I have a fear of opening my heart for other people’s children for fear that it will remind me of what I don’t have… children of my own. So I tend to keep them at arm’s length & not interact much or at all with them, for fear of me wanting what I don’t have myself.
My Journey of Childlessness & the Walls of Fear I Have Built
You see, I have had tests done. I have taken supplements & Chinese herbs prescribed in Japan. I have, in my past, done countless ovulation tests & temperature-taking charts. I have felt the joy of expectation & hope only to realize it wasn’t going to happen again this time either….
In fact, the stress of continual disappointment became so constant & discouraging that I had to just give up on all the charting & checking & testing & just say to God, “God, if You want it to happen, I am just going to just trust You to make it happen in Your timing, & if not, then… not. Help me to trust You no matter what & in whatever timing. Amen.”
But then more years passed & no children came.
And what I didn’t notice was that in all of that heartache, I had subconsciously begun to build a wall of protection around my heartto protect myself.
And sometimes those feelings hit me off guard when I start to let my guard down around friends’ kids. And then I am suddenly knocked off my feet by grief of what may never be.
God Revealed My Hidden Fears So I Could Be Reminded That He Has Not Given Me a Spirit of Fear
This volunteer opportunity revealed to me that while I am not overcome by my sadness, I am also not completely trusting that fear to Him… I am trying to keep other kids at a distance to protect MYSELF versus opening my heart AND trusting Him to care for me.
It is something I need to admit & repent of to God, to say, “I see it now & I am sorry. I see now that I am building a wall around my heart instead of trusting You to protect & care for it. I am trusting me more than You & I am sorry Please help me trust You with my fear more than I hide from my fear.”
And maybe that’s why I feel the nudge to volunteer there… to reveal to me my need to let go myself & let God take care of my heart & my fears instead. Maybe He is whispering over my heart: “It’s time to let go of this fear. It’s time to stop letting it control you & your willingness to open your heart to children that won’t ever be yours. It’s time to love others & trust My love as sufficient for you, come what may. You don’t have to be held captive by this anymore. I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”
Does God Condemn My Fear?
God doesn’t condemn my fear. He knows it’s human.
But He also knows I don’t have to be controlled or limited by it because it’s not from Him & He’s big enough for the both of us. He doesn’t want it to have any hold on my whatsoever.
He gives me power to overcome that fear. He gives me His love to conquer & overpower that fear. And He gives me a sound mind of peace & assurance over that fear… because HE IS GREATER.
What a comfort that He is so understanding, so patient & caring, & SO determined to not allow fear to keep me powerless, timid, afraid, & kept at a distance.
I can have confidence walking through my fears because HE is my confidence through them. I don’t have to be afraid. Praise GOD!
Shine HOPE by admitting your fears, taking your fears to Him, & asking for Him to help you overcome with His power, love, & assured peace to move forward… trusting Him more than you do any of your fears.
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.
Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
A Note from Michelle:
(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)
This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!
Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world!Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Flora Baseball Cap (Mexico)
(Shown: Flora Baseball Cap, hand-embroidered in Mexico. Every purchase of this cap empowers women in Mexico out of poverty.)
Celebrate summer in style with this hand-embroidered Flora Baseball Cap from Mexico! This adjustable, spring-green, cotton canvas cap features feminine & fun muted pink, cream, & rust floral embroidery on the front right side. One size fits most.
Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in Mexico!
How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!
But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children— with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.
