Pivot Moments

These last couple weeks, I have begun taking you on a journey of major “Pivot” moments in my life.

In these moments of life change, God has shown Himself true & reliable & capable. He has been the love & grace & patience & power that has gotten me through & He is patiently guiding me to be the woman He made me to be.

Doubts to Darkness

This week, we are following through with the results of last week’s Pivot moment & the answers that finally squashed all of the doubts rattling my heart.

((To catch up from last week & read the story of my seemingly endless doubts, check out that post, here.))

So, after a year or two of doubting everything I once believed in about the simplicity of grace… depression hit me hard.

We’re about to dive headfirst into my darkest days, so hold on!

Shutting God Out & Choosing Me

You see, I had just spent about two years slowly training myself to shut out God’s voice of wisdom & warning from guiding me. I wanted to do it my way.

And now, I was in a raging, stormy sea without a life preserver, just struggling to survive on my own.

Depression became two long years of pain like I had never known before.

How It Began

I was a freshman, & then sophomore, in high school at this point, & my life was a mess of uncertainty & shame & fear & anger & hatred & loneliness & everything bad.

The cynical voice in my head had turned menacing & hurtful… telling me LIES that I believed, “Nobody likes you, you know. You’re not good enough for anybody. You’re an idiot. You’re fat & ugly. No one wants you. Their lives are harder because you’re alive. You complicate everything. Their lives are more peaceful & happier when you’re not here. Why are you here? No one wants you. You’re annoying. You’re too loud. You talk too much. Look at the mistakes you’ve made… you can’t undo them. You are a broken person who can’t be put together again. It would be better if you didn’t exist. You just make life harder for everyone. You would be doing everyone a service to not be here anymore. You can’t ever get anything right. Your family doesn’t want you. Your friends think you’re a joke. God doesn’t care about you either, if He even exists. You’re all alone. Why are you still here?”

Those lies were my every moment. I couldn’t shut them up or drown them out.

Trying to “Fake It Til I Make It”

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shut off those voices in my head telling me life would be better without me in it.

I got so tired of asking for advice from others… because it never helped.

I started plastering on a smile that never quite reached my eyes & pretending that I was fine & I could handle it.

But I couldn’t.

Fading Away in the Silence

I was chipping away… My resolve weakening every time I cried.

I would be sitting in class, listening to that endless reel of hateful dialogue in my head & my eyes would burn with hidden tears.

I would write my hurt & fears in journals, needing to tell SOMEONE, only to end up sobbing at the fact that that “someone” was paper because I didn’t feel like I had anyone who understood the hell inside my head.

Sometimes I thought about suicide.

No One Understood, Not Even Me

I would try to tell someone, only to be mocked or teased or brushed off.

I would plaster a smile on my face that never quite reached my eyes.

I felt numb & hated & unloved. I felt angry & hurt & alone. I felt LOST in my sea of doubts, unable to find steady ground to hold on to.

My Secret Tears

I would come home from school so many days, grab my kitty “Valentine”, & slowly, quietly close & lock my bedroom door trying not to draw attention to myself, duck into my closet, underneath my row of clothes hanging above me, close the closet doors to block out the sunlight (& the sound of my sobs), & then wail into a pillow I had brought in with me, hugging my cat tightly under the other arm.

I spent several days a week like this for two years & I don’t know if anyone ever even knew.

My Life Began to Fall Apart

I hated my life & everything in it because I felt so alone & so unloved & so worthless.

The menacing whisper never let up either. It followed me everywhere I went, never letting my heart rest.

I felt constantly beat up by a relentless wave of self-hatred.

My grades began plummeting. Relationships became strained.

I was losing faith in myself & others seemed to follow suit.

Pray, Girl, Pray! … But I Did!

At this point, you might be thinking, “Michelle! Your advice is always ‘pray first!’ so why didn’t you do that???”

I prayed so much it hurt.

I felt that God had abandoned me… that my choices to slowly, gradually do things my own way had offended Him beyond repair.

I was a Christian who “knew” better & yet had still turned her back on God.

Why would He want me? … If He even existed (I wasn’t sure of anything anymore).

But I kept praying.

Is He Listening? Does He Care?

I wondered how God could love me & let me suffer.

I wondered if He had just created us & left us down here to suffer while He laughed & pointed out our failures.

I wondered if He was even real.

But I kept praying because I knew that if He was real, He’d be my only hope.

I Prayed… & I Hurt

If He was real, the way He describes Himself throughout the Bible, then He alone was powerful enough to clear my doubts & prove Himself as the one true God.

If He was real, He had the power to fix everything.

And yet, I kept hurting.

I kept hurting worse, with every day, or so it seemed to my breaking heart.

I felt alone.

Rays of Hope Broke Through

And there would come times where I thought I saw Him through the dark clouds that overtook me.

A ray of sunshine (of hope) would break through my heart.

I would think, “Hey, that seems to be God helping me… right when I asked Him for help, _______________ happened! Maybe God DOES care about us… about me!!!”

But the Doubts Always Seemed to Win

But then, another wave of darkness… I would brush off that ray of hope like a glitch… or maybe I had just felt stronger that day & had just thought it was God or maybe it’s because someone helped me other than God… or basically maybe it was anything but God.

So, I would keep praying. But I would keep trying to find hope my own way.

And things like that ray of hope would keep happening when I chose to pray.

And still I found a way to credit something else as the source… Something other than God.

I kept praying.

The Lost Man At Sea

Have you ever heard the story/joke about the man drowning, begging God to save Him?

Well, first someone throws him a life preserver, but he says, “No thank you! I am waiting for God to save me!”

Then a boat comes along & offers to rescue him as he screams to God for help… “No thank you!” he responds, “I am waiting for God to save me!”

Then a rescue helicopter comes & offers him a ladder to climb out of the choppy seas. “No thank you! I am waiting for God to save me!”

Well, eventually the man exhausts himself from treading water & crying out to God & the waves overtake him & he drowns at sea.

When he gets to heaven, he says, “God, why didn’t you save me?? I kept crying out to You!! Didn’t You hear me?? Didn’t You care?!?”

God patiently, gently rests His hand on the man’s shoulder & responds, “My son, I did hear you. I did listen. I sent you a life preserver, a boat, & finally a helicopter… But you didn’t accept any of it.”

That’s Where I Was… That’s What I Did

That was me during depression. I cried out to God. He responded. I accredited it to someone or something else & kept crying out to God to save me.

I would fall back into the darkness only to go back to relying on myself.

I doubted God too much to stay holding on to Him as my source for help because I didn’t know He was the One helping.

Thoughts of Suicide Became Plans for Suicide… But Then, GOD

And eventually, after years of asking (begging, through bleary eyes) for God to answer & clear up my doubts & to give me a true sense of hope & peace & security… I began to give up hope completely.

My temptation for suicide became more than just considerations… it became something that felt like my only hope.

No one wanted me (according to the lies in my head) & I wasn’t good for anything other than being a burden to everyone around me (again, the lies were ruthless & relentless).

No matter what I had tried to be strong enough, to smile through it, to think more positively, to ignore it, to find my own “happy”, to fight back, to be good enough… nothing EVER worked long term. They all crumbled eventually & they left me with nothing left to fight with.

I was done.

One Night… I Gave Up

And one night, through my desperate sobs, bringing me to my knees in my bedroom… Eventually weighing me down so much that I lay flat, face burrowed in the carpet…

I gave up fighting.

I was ready to die.

I was ready for the pain to stop because I couldn’t carry it anymore.

I didn’t feel I had any choice. I felt it was the merciful choice for a family & for friendships where I only caused them more drama, more burden, more pain.

I was ready to stop fighting. I had nothing left in me to try or to give.

I was tired & angry & hurt & felt unloved & invisible & mocked & ugly & fat & worthless & stupid & never good enough & weak & a burden. And I was so, so, SO tired.

One Night… I Stopped Trying to be “Strong Enough”

And as I lay there, face planted into the carpet, arms limp at my sides… legs lifeless… heart bleeding. No strength left to cry. Just numb & empty.

With barely a whisper worth of strength & hope left.

I prayed.

“God, don’t You hear me? Don’t I matter at all to You? Do You even exist? Are You laughing at me? Why won’t You help me? Why did You even make someone as worthless as me? [Sobs] I can’t do it anymore. I can’t fight. I have nothing left. If You are real, You are my ONLY option now nothing else works. My parents think I am drugged out. My sisters can’t seem to stand me… Many of my friends laugh at me like I’m a joke… My teachers don’t even bother anymore… I have nothing left. No one left. I can’t do it anymore, God. I’m not strong enough. If You really are God, You are my only hope. You are all that’s left. Please. Show me You are real, that You are near me & that You care for me. And if You can’t do that, kill me because I give up trying to be strong enough. Be my everything or let me die.”

One Night… God Changed EVERYTHING

And as my prayer faded… it happened.

Every ounce of hatred, of pain, loneliness, fear, doubt, anger, sadness, despair, sorrow, & everything that had pressed me down & down until I couldn’t stand anymore… EVERYTHING vanished in a single instant.

I felt a full breath of hope fill my lungs.

I felt goosebumps dance across every inch of skin.

I felt hope & love & joy & peace flood me like a rushing surge of water, racing to fill every broken place within me.

I felt FREE….

A smile danced at the corner of my mouth, erasing the bitterness & hopelessness.

I sat up, stunned.

I felt as if strong, warm arms wrapped around my entire self, squeezing the loneliness & fear into a safe embrace full of love.

And every doubt was shot dead in that one moment.

God Had a Plan That I Didn’t See… He Always Has a Plan

God wasn’t letting me suffer for the fun of it…. No!

He KNEW that unless He peeled away everything else that I clung to as my source of hope, I would just keep clinging to everything else but Him… Everything but real hope.

He knew those things weren’t my answer & that the lies I believed kept me imprisoned into believing I was left to rely on unsustainable, unstable sources… like myself… ones that crumbled & faded & ebbed & flowed.

He wanted me to know solid, secure ground. He wanted me to know what true, eternal hope felt like, apart from anything temporal & fleeting that I tried to cling to.

He knew that the ONLY way to show Himself as the One true source of Hope & Truth that would get my attention & STICK was to take everything else away where there was only Him left.

Truth Is Truth, & It SHALL Set You FREE!

I had asked, not for a temporary fix, but for TRUTH I could rest in & rely on & He did what He knew it would take to show me that it was found only in Him.

You see, if you are really seeking truth… not “truth” that you WANT to believe, but ACTUAL, REAL TRUTH… God is capable of knowing exactly how you will know 100% what that truth is. He can make it crystal clear (with no smudges of doubt!)

If you just want a “truth” that satiates you into living how you want, you will always be on the waves of the sea like I was… trying helplessly to cling to whatever you think might help, only to see it insufficient & far from lasting.

But if you want SURE faith that you can go ALL IN & not come out a fool.

If you want something you can securely build your life upon…

It’s in Him. It’s found ONLY Him.

So ask Him.

Not a SINGLE Regret… Only Praise! And Freedom!

If you think I regret for a SINGLE moment those several years of doubts & then depression & then eventual suicidal thoughts plaguing my life… you are DEAD WRONG.

I feel SO BLESSED & SO PRIVELEGED to KNOW 100% what I can count on.

Do I still make mistakes? Heck yes! Do I still have doubts pop up? Heck yes!

Is God patient to guide me & do I now finally have a source I can go to with FULL CONFIDENCE to answer those doubts with patience, love, grace, & TRUTH?

YES!!! A million times yes!

I Want You to Have Peace & Rest in REAL Truth… The Simple Grace Offered by Jesus

And I want that for you. It’s why I do this blog. It’s why I write when it’s not my strongest talent.

I want you to find that secure ground… That peace… That surety… That LOVE… & GRACE! I want you to know TRUTH!

 So come to Him with your doubts & don’t stop asking! He HEARS you!

Shine Hope, by trusting in the sure foundation of real, lasting, reliable TRUTH.

Coming Next Week

Join me next Monday morning EST to follow along with my journey of Pivot moments. I can’t wait to see you there!

And make sure to Subscribe (Join My Tribe), so you don’t miss it!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Quinn Necklace

This innovative statement piece is accented with white & silver beads & has a detachable bottom pendant (shown detached), creating two unique looks.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely! deused1 \lsd

The Raging Sea of Doubts about God Began

If you missed last week’s post, it was all about the first & greatest “Pivot” moment in my life, the day I met Jesus. (Check it out, here.)

It was simple & pure, trusting like a child (because I was a child).

But something big changed when I was first introduced to the Left Behind movie series, starring Kirk Cameron.

Doubts entered the picture.

… Fear that maybe I got it all wrong & that I was maybe actually going to Hell… going to be “left behind,” only to live in the shame that my faith was fake the whole time… or just not strong enough.

I wanted to know for sure.

Other “Options” Now in the Picture

But then, being now in public middle school, I was hearing all sorts of opinions on what others thought was truth, based on a plethora of other “religious choices” that other kids at my school were adamantly claiming as truth. (I love the word plethora, don’t you? Haha)

So, combine my fear that my faith might not be “real enough” with the fact that I now questioned if my religion was even real…. I was then tossed into a sea of raging doubts. A sea that seemed to go on without end.

I didn’t know which way was up or down or left or right anymore. What once seemed so simple & so pure was now tainted with doubts & full of fear.

And rebellion.

Part of Me Wanted It All to be Fake–So I Could Live MY Way

I can’t deny that nasty word from making its appearance in this whole scenario.

I knew, deep down, that something in me WANTED it to be fake. I wanted it to all be a sham so that I could do whatever I wanted like everyone else seemed so comfortable doing. I didn’t want consequences, just freedom, my way. I mostly just didn’t want to have to follow rules (mostly because I misunderstood the “rules” in the first place, thinking they were meant to suck fun out of my life versus the way to live the most fulfilling & satisfying life imaginable!)

But I couldn’t do that IF it might be real.

Because… consequences.

God Has a Reason

You see, I always thought of God as a sort of dictator & that Christianity was all about following His rules, or else.

Now, don’t hear me wrong, we DEFINITELY should live by His rules & His alone, not ours… But it’s for our good, not just “because He says so.”

The Doubts Led to Determination for TRUTH

So, here I was, afraid that my faith was not real enough, afraid that my religion might not even be real, & afraid that I would be trying to follow rules I didn’t want to follow just to appease some possibly made up God.

I had to know the truth. If everyone thought their “god” was real, which one was right? They couldn’t all be right because that made them all sound made up. So, which one was it?

Did I believe just because I grew up that way? Was I indoctrinated into Christianity because I was told to believe it? Was my salvation even real? Maybe I wasn’t good enough to prove my sincerity of faith…. Was God even real? What was real? What was truth? Can we even know?

Those were just the tip of the iceberg for me. I had questions that went on for days.

And with those questions came the tossing to & fro unrest that became my life.

Tossing To & Fro

Gone was my sure foundation, my steady ground built on faith in God.

My life was a mix of fear, anxiety, & rebellious hopes to have my way.

I will tell you that those were some of the worst times in my life, knowing that unrest & lack of peace… & the fear undercurrent that flowed through it all.

Puberty is hard enough without all of THAT going on inside my head!

But despite how many questions I asked, the answers were never enough.

The Cynical Questions

I felt a cynical whisper repeatedly, following every answer I received from others, saying, “But what do they know? What makes them the expert? All the other religions think they’re correct, too, so saying so doesn’t make it true. Humans make mistakes, so which one has it right? What if they’re all wrong? What if there is no God? No hope. No truth. No Heaven or Hell. No consequences?”

I never knew what to trust. I never knew WHO to trust.

Not that someone would knowingly LIE to me, but that maybe they were wrong.

I felt lost.

Deciding My OWN Path

Because I searched for close to two years without feeling satisfied that I could accept anything as pure truth versus opinions, I did the only thing I knew to do at that point, I started deciding for myself what I wanted to believe.

Of course, I wouldn’t do anything that seemed blatantly wrong or something I was warned against as a kid, JUST IN CASE there were consequences.

But instead of living to make some potentially made up God happy, I started living to make ME happy.

That’s when my sea of doubts began to take a sinister turn for the worst.

Lying to Myself

The guilt that I shoved down… The shame that I justified & placated… The excuses I made to keep living for myself….

It was a game of trying to stay above consequences while still getting whatever I wanted out of life.

This pivot of doubts was a painful, complicated one. It wasn’t as simple & pure as my first pivot. It felt like always flailing to keep my head above water.

Truth or Bust

I was no longer satisfied complacently wearing my badge of Christianity, going to church & praying before mealtimes… I wanted truth.

I wanted to know for sure whether or not what I believed was true or whether it was a myth developed long before I was born.

And I knew, that if anyone could answer these questions for me, it was God Himself.

The cynical voice was right, humans DID make mistakes, made even more evident by the endless slew of “religions” to choose from, because not all religions could be right (as some conflicted with others), so that meant some of them were wrong, if not all of them.

Not only that, but the Bible claimed that it’s God was the ONE TRUE God, Creator of Heaven & Earth, Lord over ALL. So, if that were true, there goes the rest of the “gods” out there.

Being the ONE TRUE God was a bold claim & a claim I wasn’t sure I could put my undivided faith toward. But either way, I wanted to know the truth for myself.

Maybe I Can Just Ignore It…

Oh, I TRIED to just smile & shoo away (more like shove away) all of my doubts, attending church & keeping my nagging doubts to myself (too ashamed to admit I questioned it all, afraid of upsetting God or my family or anyone really!) but those doubts were significantly stronger & more persistent than I was.

No longer could I stay content trusting in others’ opinions of truth. I was beginning a journey to find ACTUAL truth that I could rest in & hope in… a hope that wouldn’t fall out from under me.

Asking God, But Then Looking Elsewhere

I knew that God was the only One who could really prove Himself true, because if He were as He said He was, in the Bible, He could do ANYTHING.

But, like many people do, I didn’t stop at that… Oh, no, no. I had a backup plan that included me taking action to find that truth my own way….

… By relying on myself to find what made me happy, versus leaning into God for lasting joy.

Instead of leaning into God, I leaned mostly into myself & whatever I felt was true for me which, by definition, meant I was no different than anyone else I dismissed.

Questions Answered by God, Who Knows All & Knows Your Heart & Knows Just How to Reach to the Core of Your Doubts–If You Let Him

That led me down a much worse path—depression. Or, as I am calling it in this series, “Pivot #3”, coming next week.

The point I want to make with this week’s post is this:

We all have questions, because we will never fully understand God or His design for this world or for our lives… but don’t run AWAY from God with those questions.

Take your questions to Him. He can handle it. He has patience like you wouldn’t believe & wisdom that transcends time & human limitations.

God Is the Backup Plan to the Original Plan–He Is Where Truth Awaits

My life provides you with an example of what NOT to do.

Don’t take your questions, ask God for help in answering them, & THEN ALSO try to find happiness your own way. It doesn’t end up well. You can convince yourself you’re fine all you want, but something in your spirit screams that there’s meant to be more than just surviving. Listen to that. It’s right.

God wants you to come home to Him, to rest in Him, to feel SURE… He wants you to feel secure & at peace with the foundation of steady, reliable truth. He wants you to know His love & grace & to feel those flowing through every situation in life.

Trust Him with your questions. He CAN & WILL answer them.

Answers Came in the Darkness

Next week, you will see how He answered my questions countless times, but I dismissed them countless more, until He got my attention in a way that I can never dismiss again.

He knew (knows) ME & how to get through to ME in a way that is intimately designed to make it clear in a way I need it to be.

He can do the same for you—If you are truly seeking truth & not just a way to placate your desire for a consequence-free lifestyle of rebellion to everything God stands for He will reveal truth.

Seek Him—He can handle it.

Coming Next Week

Join me next Monday morning, EST, for Pivot #3, the story of my dark journey through depression, & the truth that broke through the raging sea.

Make sure to Join My Tribe (Subscribe), so you don’t miss it!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Worthy Necklace

Beautifully delicate in design, this rose gold plated chain displays a light pink rose quartz stone. Crafted in India.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

(Also pictured: Steadfast Cuff, made in India!)

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Pivotal, Life-Changing Moments

Everybody has those moments… You know, the ones that seem to happen unexpectedly, when something about you or your life changes drastically, changing you forever in the process.

They seem to take your life, yell, “Pivot!!” (as only Ross from the show Friends can), & then make it change course from there on out.

I have had maybe ten or so of these life-changing moments that seem like they happened only yesterday because their memories are so vivid.

The First Pivot

So, let’s start with the simplest & earliest one of mine & take a journey through these pivotal moments in my life… a sort of autobiography if you will, except, instead of highlighting my life, we are showing a highlight reel of God’s work in my life.

The first one was the day that I met Jesus.

My Childhood At Church

I was fortunate to grow up in a Christian home. I knew it was important to pray & read my Bible & learn about God. I grew up going to Sunday School before the service & memorizing Bible verses in exchange for pieces of chocolate.

I wasn’t sure what it all meant or the difference between telling stories & which of the stories were actually true retellings in Scripture, because it just seemed like story-time to me at that young age… but something about it just felt right.

The Doubts Came Later…

As a child, I had a pure, simplistic faith in God. I didn’t have doubts to question it, I just accepted it as is, & knew deep-down that something about it just felt true.

Now, as I would grow older, the doubts would arise, seemingly unshakable, causing me to question everything I once believed with ease, unwilling to believe something merely because I was taught to believe it.

But, spoil alert, those doubts that seemed to haunt my every step, unwilling to waver or vanish, were demolished once and for all & my relationship with the grace of Jesus became personal & unshakable… but that’s a Pivot moment for another blog post.

Childlike Faith

As a child, though, my faith was sure. It was pure & trusting. Something in me just connected with it & accepted it without hesitation.

Like a child reaching up & taking the hand of an adult, I trusted that God was real.

I didn’t understand all the ins & outs. I didn’t know much about God. But something in me FELT Him there with me, holding my hand through life… & that was enough for me then.

The Simple, Life-Changing Gospel of God’s Grace

I still remember that day like it was yesterday (except I was much shorter & cuter back then), when I went & asked my parents how I could “ask Jesus into my heart”—the terminology that was used with us as kids.

In essence, all it meant was accepting that God was in charge & I was not… That me choosing to do things my way instead of His was wrong, foolish, & sinful… That I could never bridge the gap between my imperfections & sin to His perfection & grace because I was soiled by sin… But that Jesus came to pay my debt on the cross… That He overcame death & sin by rising from the grave… & that my trust in His salvation for me could cleanse me in the presence of God Almighty.

Accepting the gift of Jesus’ sacrifice on my behalf made me right with God. Not my works, but His.

My Understanding as a Child

And as a little child, around five or six, maybe, that made sense to me.

I knew I had acted selfishly sometimes by wanting toys for myself. I knew I talked back to my parents sometimes. I knew that I had messed up & that I didn’t deserve God.

But I also knew that Jesus had changed that for me… & I wanted to lean into that hope.

The Big Moment… The Pivot

And one night, on the couch in our living room of the house I grew up in… that prayer, led by my Mom, of asking forgiveness for my wrongs & helping me to follow Jesus instead of my way… & to trust Jesus’ gift of grace… is how I became a Christian.

It’s really as simple as that.

It’s not anything we can earn or purchase. It’s literally a free gift to anyone who can accept their need of it. It’s not fancy, specific scripts or recitations.

It’s just a simple, honest prayer, asking for God’s grace to cover your sins & trusting Him over yourself.

God’s Work in Me

No fireworks shot off… there was no fanfare… but it was Pivotal like nothing else.

God’s grace, through Jesus, is not something we have to “clean up for” first. It’s not something we have to prove we deserve. It’s not ever something we have to or can be “good enough” for.

It is simply an invitation to take us as we are, shameful history & all, & to change us from the inside out AS we lean into God for His work in us, AFTER we accept our need for His grace to save us.

His work, not ours.

Anything I do from here on is simply my way of expressing my gratitude & TRUST in the ways of the One Who saved me!

That’s the simplicity of the Gospel.

Forever Changed… In a Moment & Continually

The day that I accepted Jesus as Lord of my life, I was forever changed.

It happens all at once & over time.

I am immediately changed because Jesus’ sacrifice saves me once & for all from the threat of my deserved punishment of eternity in Hell.

And I am changed over time as I learn to bow my human nature to His will. He grows me, He shapes me. He takes the broken parts & makes them beautiful. He takes my temptations & teaches me to lean into Him for strength. He takes my weaknesses & uses them to show Himself capable. He takes my broken heart, mends it, heals it, & He pours His love into the empty crevices of my soul.

The Greatest Adventure Imaginable

He is my everything.

Am I perfect? Heck NO!

But I am now relying on the perfect God in my imperfections.

It’s the grandest adventure I ever imagined.

Learning to Know & Love God More

I once, in my early teen years, through the doubt storm, thought that God was all about rules & dictatorship… But as I grow, I see God as the most patient, loving Father & Friend who walks alongside me, strengthens me, guides me, & grows me into the woman He created me to be.

He heals my heart breaks.

He guides me through the storms of life.

He gives me sure foundation & peace when life flips upside down.

He bolsters me with His strength when mine fails.

He gives me wisdom when I feel lost.

He loves me when I feel unlovable.

He never forsakes me.

He always is quick to forgive me, patient through all of my failures.

He is grace & love & freedom & joy & strength & HOPE.

My Inadequacy Is Eclipsed by His Grace

And all the while, I am reminded how much my actions & inactions prove how much I do not deserve His grace, & yet that is the whole definition of grace, wrapped up in the idea that it is completely undeserved.

I am humbled constantly.

I feel foolish & stupid more often than I would like to admit as I try to live out this life on my own, fail miserably, only to be met with His patient smile, outstretched arms, & His wisdom & strength to get it right the next go around.

Not Perfect, But Trusting in the One Who Is

Christianity doesn’t make me perfect… It makes me redeemed in the sight of the One Who IS perfect.

And so begins my journey of big “Pivot!” type moments.

It all started with a simple trust, a simple faith in the grace of God.

It all started with the simple prayer of a child with childlike faith.

And that is where our journey begins.

Reflection… And an Invitation

Have you taken His outstretched hand yourself or are you holding out?

If Satan has tricked you into a pool of endless doubts & shame & rebellious resistance, but maybe you feel that soft, gentle whisper on your soul to come home, then start by asking God to clear your heart & mind to see Him for Who He really is, & not what the world has painted Him to be.

Ask Him to clear out your doubts & to reveal only the Truth.

Ask Him to guide you home so that your adventure can begin, too.

God is asking you to “Pivot!!” but in a much sweeter way & for a much grander purpose & with much more potential than you could ever imagine.

Will you listen?

I did, & it was the best decision I ever made, that led to the best adventure imaginable… as I live, grow, fail, & see Him along the way, loving me & growing me all along the way.

Coming Next Week

Join me next Monday morning EST for my next big Pivot moment.

God works in our lives in countless little & big moments, but I am especially excited to share the highlight reel of God’s work throughout my life, because every great change has been a result of His guiding me to grow. Grow with me!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Restoring Hope Necklace

This versatile necklace features mother of pearl in hues of black on one side and off-white on the other, hanging from an antiqued brass chain.

Artisan Information:

In Asia, poverty leads many women to be sexually exploited in brothels. These women want to provide for their families but have so few options. But through your purchase, women are being rescued from these brothels & rehabilitated. Holistic care is given to these women, including a shelter, job training, healthcare, counseling, & educational grants for themselves & their children. You can help these women experience restoration for their future!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Asia!

(*Also Pictured: Northern Lights Studs, made in India!)

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

The Accusations Are True… But Wait

This post may ruffle some feathers, but this topic needs to be addressed. We need to change. We need to run back to God & let Him lead!

Hypocrisy & the Church seem to be synonymous these days & it breaks my heart & the hearts of so many others, because we see that God is our one true hope, but yet we can’t seem to distinguish ourselves from this painful reality of prevalent hypocrisy.

So why is that? Why are we known as hypocrites? How did this become such a huge distraction from the truth that has set us free—the grace of Christ?

Trusting in Ourselves… Instead of God

The most glaringly obvious answer to this question stems from the source of the hypocrisy itself—trusting in ourselves more than we trust in God.

We may believe God’s Word is true (or, for most of us, we live like it is “mostly” true, even though it is COMPLETELY true—it is NOT just God’s “opinions” of truth), & yet we don’t live those truths.

Why?

Because we like to talk about them & point them out to others. We like to judge others on their actions & ourselves on our intentions. We like to say we believe it without putting it to the test.

Being a Christian Isn’t the Same As Actively, Daily Trusting in God

Basically? We like to trust ourselves first & God second.

The results? Looking so “GOOD” on the outside, but living just like everyone else in reality. And when pressures arise, what’s on the inside shines brighter than what we try to project on the outside.

In other words, we are just human, just like everyone else… And we can’t rise above our human nature without first surrendering that human nature to the will, wisdom, power, & guidance of the Holy Spirit leading us each step along the way.

Looking the Part Without Acting the Part

 And if we don’t surrender our human nature to the will & wisdom of God, we can say all of the TRUTH that we want, & try to act as GOOD as we can, but we will be just as messed up & lost as anyone else on the inside—creating that dreaded reality of hypocrisy.

It’s not even that we intend to be hypocrites. In fact, I can remember getting really offended at that accusation because I was trying SO HARD to be SO GOOD on the outside & to TALK the TALK, without really WALKING the WALK by putting my trust in God over myself.

Doing Good Things in Vain

Even for those who become activists for great causes, take a stand for the hurting or overlooked, volunteer for service projects galore, & work in many ministries within the church… without leaning our will & our way & our wisdom & our passion to the will & wisdom & direction of the Lord… Well, if you read my post from a couple weeks ago, you know that we are “building” in vain.

Human Nature Trumps Doing God’s Will When We’re Not Actively Putting Our Trust in God

Because WE ARE JUST HUMAN on our own!

We are just as vulnerable to HUMAN NATURE.

We have just as many TEMPTATIONS.

We have just as many FAULTS & INSECURITIES & FALSE PERCEPTIONS.

Without leaning into God as our source of all wisdom, direction, & power, we are quite simply just building our life, our ministry, or our causes in vain.

We are trying to ACT godly, without letting GOD make us like Himself through HIS strength, wisdom, direction, & power.

How Do We Make It Stop?

So, how do we stop this plague of hypocrisy that seems to have infected the Church?

We lean into God daily. We ask Him to shape us & grow us. We ask Him to remove false perceptions we’ve come to rely on. We ask Him to help us overcome. We ask Him to strengthen us. We ask HIM to change us from the INSIDE OUT.

And when we learn lessons from God, we CONTINUE to bow our understanding to His leading & wisdom for each new situation!

Saying All the Right Things, But Falling So Short

Because without getting Him involved in the details, we are whitewashed tombs that look & sound godly, while grossly misrepresenting God & getting in the way of His glory… Depriving Him the opportunity to shine through us to the hurting world we wish so desperately to encourage toward lasting, secure HOPE through Christ.

We may think we have it figured out—especially if we have already learned a lesson in a certain area… because we tend to cut & paste & re-use each lesson we learn from God for every similar future situation versus continuing to bow our understanding to God’s wisdom—but no matter what we THINK we know… HE will always know more & He will ALWAYS know better. So, ask Him.

Always Ask Him

Always ask Him.

If you have already learned a lesson… Ask Him to continue teaching you.

If you already think you understand something… Ask Him to weed out the falsities.

Always, ALWAYS refer to His Word & rely on His guidance through prayer.

Knowledge may be power, but it is also dangerous… Because the more we know, the more we THINK we understand.

Always ask God.

He Will Direct Your Steps As You Lean into Him for Guidance

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    & lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to Him,
    & He will make your paths straight.”

(Proverbs 3:5-6) (Emphasis mine)

Always shine HOPE… by asking God for the BEST way to give Him the glory in all that you do.

Coming Next Week

Make sure to join me every Monday morning EST for more weekly encouragement!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Stargazer Set

This stunning necklace features a golden hammered half moon pendant with nine blue-grey tassels & a matching bracelet.

Artisan Information:

In India, poverty is rampant & fair working conditions are hard to find. But with every purchase, women are receiving an income, access to healthcare, adult literacy programs, & self-help groups! Not only does this change their lives, but they are also pouring back into their communities & helping others! You have the opportunity to empower thousands of women in India!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

The King Who Deserves My All

Sometimes I wonder what life would be like, if I let Someone else have the reins.

If I stop tirelessly trying to have all control, & let Someone else rule my life.

I know that it’s foolish to believe I know better.

I know that it’s vanity to try to do better… Than the Sovereign One who reigns.

But still I find myself fighting to win out control & come out above even Him.

It’s silly really because I know He loves me so

And that His vast wisdom & power far surpasses my own…

He is limitless, infinite, & never lacking at all.

He is Creator, Redeemer, & Almighty God.

And who am I but a flea? A creation created by He.

And yet still, though my fight wages even today, knowing full well He deserves the throne…

He died for me. He loves me. And He patiently guides me when I offer my will to His way.

I don’t deserve the kind of love that my gracious Savior gives,

And yet He lavishes so, on my broken, weary, & rebellious soul…

Letting His love be the call that calls me to drop all control.

And fall safely & securely into the arms of my God. Resting in His full control.

I don’t obey because I have to, for He gives me the choice.

I don’t follow from guilt, for His grace set me free, through Christ’s willing payment on that wretched old tree.

I don’t bow because of force, for His gentle hand guides me.

He is patient & kind & loving & perfect.

He is gentle & strong & sovereign & wise.

He gives grace undeserving for His love covers all.

I walk humbly & slowly, & sometimes broken & stumbling…

To be wrapped in His warm loving arms.

For despite my wasteful life, He has arms open wide,

A banquet & celebration waiting for me,

If only I turn & come home.

To my all-powerful, loving, Savior who willingly died for me

And calls me to lay my crown at His feet

And let Him knowingly, wisely, & perfectly guide me

Into the potential woman He made me to be

He beckons for kindness, for love, & graciousness

For patience & self-control.

And above it all, a life bowed to Him,

The King Who deserves my all.

Coming Next Week

Check back on Monday morning EST for more regularly scheduled encouragement!

I hope you enjoyed this month’s Special Feature (every last Thursday of the month), in the form of this poem.

This poem came from my heart & encourages even me at the loving heart of our Lord God. I hope this poem encouraged you to fall into His arms & to begin or continue this wonderful journey of understanding more fully His deep love for you. It’s a beautiful adventure!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Sea Glass Necklace

Artisans recreate the look and feel of sea glass by upcycling glass bottles from local hotels & restaurants that would otherwise be discarded, & tumble it with water & sand from the Red Sea until it is smooth & resembles the beautiful pieces found in nature. Sizes & colors may vary.

Artisan Information:

Many Jordanian women have their lives controlled by their closest male relative. They balance many customs at home, creating a lack of independence. Some of these women are divorced, widowed, or married to a man who may already have many wives. But amid struggles, these women we work with arrive to a family-like workplace. They can be heard singing, laughing, & seen drinking tea while creating our unique jewelry made from upcycled glass bottles. The glass is tumbled with water & sand from the Red Sea. Your purchase empowers them with boldness & financial independence for the first time!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Jordan!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely! 

A Painful, But Beautiful Reminder

“Unless the Lord builds the house,
    those who build it labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
    the watchman stays awake in vain.
It is in vain that you rise up early
    & go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
    for He gives to His beloved sleep.”

(Psalm 127:1-2) (emphasis mine)

It’s beautiful because God’s got it all under control… It’s painful because we do not.

I Don’t Run Things, No Matter How Hard I Try

I can try to be good.

I can try to do good things.

But God is in control, not me.

If I rely on myself, I get nowhere.

Even if I seem to go somewhere, it yields little results.

Or sometimes my actions create the wrong results, causing the problem to either worsen or to be off in another wrong direction.

Letting God Be God

The watchman watches over a city in vain if God is not also watching out for it, because power comes from God, not the watchman or even the soldiers or the king.

I write my blog in vain if I don’t let God guide me.

I cannot force inspiration. If He erases ideas, I cannot will them to reappear. He has power even there.

Compared to Him…

I am so small compared to His greatness.

I am so foolish compared to His wisdom.

I can fight all day & talk all night, trying to be a light for God, but unless He works, I work in vain.

He is the source. He is love. He is power. He is grace.

Doing It My Way Didn’t Work

I spent all day writing & erasing this blog today.

Nothing seemed right.

I felt hopeless & tired exhausting every effort to make something out of nothing & I could not.

If God shuts a door, I canNOT open it.

He Allows, But He Has the Power to End It

It is true that He allows me to conjecture & speak in my limited level of human understanding, possibly getting so much wrong, or at least not completely right. He doesn’t prohibit the freedom of speech. You can see as much when people speak completely against His character, in hatred & lies & causing pain to others.

But if God shuts my mind or my mouth, I canNOT overcome Him.

He is GOD.

It’s Okay, We Know What to Do Here… Or Not?

So often, we try so hard to be “good people” or “good Christians” but so much of it is in vain because it is not submitted to the Almighty God.

We can believe we are completely right, with no doubt & with all passion & fervor… We can THINK our understanding is true with every fiber of our being.

But God doesn’t have to rely on thinking He knows… He DOES know… Everything.

Let Him Be God

Cling to Him. Even when everything swirls around you. Even when you try so hard to do a good thing, with zero results… cling to Him.

The unknown is at the base of almost every fear known to man. We like to feel like we have a good handle on things, & when we don’t feel that way, everything seems uncertain & dark & spinning out of control.

But God is a constant. He doesn’t get thrown off balance. He isn’t surprised. He isn’t caught off guard. EVER.

God Is Self-Sufficient, But He Chooses to Let Us Work Beside Him

In reality, God doesn’t need us to do anything for His work to be accomplished.

We may think, ‘I HAVE to share this because people need it!’

But God doesn’t need our help. He is sufficient. Completely sufficient.

God Almighty, Creator, Redeemer, & Friend

God created everything.

He sent Jesus to pay our debt for us, on the cross, for our wrongs against Him.

He. Is. Sufficient. In every possible way, God is sufficient.

A Sidekick to God, Who Is The True Hero

And that’s the beautiful thing about living for Him.

Even in our mistakes, inadequacies, failures, rebellion, insecurities, etc., God cannot be thwarted. God cannot be diminished. God cannot lose.

His will WILL be done.

He WILL get the glory.

Even those who lash out openly against God, thinking they know more than Him or thinking they have it all figured out… They are just providing another opportunity for God to show just how little we know in light of how vast & mighty He is!

But, He chooses to let us work beside Him. He loves us & wants us to find joy in His work by participating in it.

Not because He needs us, but because He wants us.

Change of Plans… Letting God Build

I am humbled today, as this was not my intended message for the week.

I wanted to flounce in here full of confidence & knock this out in a few hours.

But God wasn’t building with me, so I built in vain (aka wrote, erased, & re-wrote, & re-erased all day!)

He wanted me to have opportunity to stop & remember that it’s NOT about my wisdom or about people NEEDING to hear MY message.

It’s about taking His hand & walking alongside Him in HIS plan.

Unless the Lord builds it, I build in vain.

What About You?

What area of your life are you trying to fly it solo, even in the name of doing it FOR GOD?

What are you trying to do on auto-pilot or in your own wisdom or strength?

Take a minute to humbly lay that before God & ask Him to guide you in His plan over your own.

Let Him do the building. Let Him show you where He is building & ask where you can join in.

Let Him do the watching. Ask Him to look out for you & to teach you how to trust His protection & plan over your own.

He is able. He is oh so able.

God is sufficient for you, Darling One. Trust Him.

Coming Next

Check out our Monthly Special Feature post (every last Thursday of the month), THIS Thursday! See you then!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Nyla Set

As Nyla means “dark royal blue”, this necklace & bracelet set features royal blue glass beads on rose gold mixed metal chains.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write & grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & send them to school! You have the opportunity to end poverty &create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

(*Also pictured: Northern Lights Studs from India!)

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Doubts, So Many Doubts

If you have read my testimony, you have seen that my life was once defined by insufferable doubts for most of my growing up years. (Read my testimony HERE.)

I hated the tossing & turning that the doubts invoked, but I didn’t know how to find the calm amidst my slew of unanswered questions.

Saved Young, But Then…

You see, I accepted Jesus as my Redeemer & Savior when I was very young, but then the doubts of the world threatened me at every turn, & they seemed to multiply with each passing year.

I didn’t know how to quiet the questions.

I wished for childlike faith, an innocence that could easily believe.

I wished that I could turn off the doubts & live in peaceful assurance.

I wished that I didn’t feel the need to know & that I could just move on with life.

But I couldn’t figure out how.

More Friends… More Doubts

With every new friend came new opinions about religions & “gods”. Every person seemed to have their own opinions about “truth”.

But if they were all true, then none of them were true.

How could one “god” be right to one person & another be right for another person? Wouldn’t that imply that both are imagined & made up by the believer or group of believers?

It didn’t make sense to me.

So who was right?

Every Answer Stirred More Questions

No matter how many questions I asked, with every answer or explanation I was given, I was met with the exact same personal conclusion, “but they’re human… & “to err is human.”

So, whose opinion could I really trust? Which one was true? Who determined which one was true? How could anyone ever really know?

And so, because I could not trust every opinion I was given & because I didn’t know whose opinion I COULD trust, I was always brought back to square one, in my tangled mess of doubts.

Relatable?

At this point, you may be relating to me. Maybe you have wondered the same things.

Maybe you avoid asking those questions because you don’t know their answers.

Maybe you avoid acknowledging those questions exist because you’re afraid of what that means about whether your salvation is genuine (for those who have already accepted Christ).

Maybe you are intent on or content with believing your own opinions, whether they are true or not.

But, although I personally struggled through each of those “maybe” scenarios, I could not keep those questions from wanting to burst out of me.

Truth I Could Live For

I had to know the TRUTH.

Not what others WANT me to believe. Not just what others WANT to believe themselves. I wanted the TRUTH.

If God was real, I had to make a decision whether to reject or accept Him.

If He wasn’t real, I wanted to know so that I could live however I wanted, without unnecessary guilt of not following the 10 Commandments from the Bible.

But How Do You Really KNOW?

But, as I mentioned above, every answer I sought after left me right back where I started, because every answer I received stemmed from human understanding, human wisdom, &/or human knowledge.

And anything from us as humans is vulnerable to mistakes & misunderstandings & circulating misinformation.

I needed more.

Case for Christ

If you have ever watched Case for Christ, a movie that came out in 2017, it will greatly help you understand both my doubting & how I found my answer.

Case for Christ is a movie based on the true story of former atheist Lee Strobel. When his wife becomes a Christian, it sends his world in an upheaval & he embarks on a mission to use his research journalistic skills to disprove Christ.

I may not have done the extensive research that Lee Strobel did, , but my doubts weighed just as heavily, & like his experience, no proof seemed sufficient.

In the movie, there is a scene where he is pushing his wife to tell him why she would believe something he can’t prove (even though all of the professional sources he sought implied that all evidence pointed to a supreme being in existence).

Her answer was my answer & it can be paraphrased as something like this, “because He feels more real than anything I have felt in my life.”

Forever Searching… Or, Ask God for Truth

You see, I could search for proof my whole life, but it all comes down to this, will I let myself have faith?

Faith is not easy, but it doesn’t rest in having to know the answer to everything. It comes down to admitting we can’t & that God is more real than anything we can feel in this life.

If you struggle with this, take a moment to consider this: Are you willing to submit to the truth when you find it? Or are you avoiding truth, just looking for an excuse to live your way, just without consequences?

We can all admit that there are consequences to the choices we make. We live in a broken, fallen world, plagued by sin & self-led choices.

But God offers hope because He tells us the truth. It’s not up to us. It’s Him. So, submit your life to Him & let HIM show you the truth you seek.

“Lord, I Believe. Help My Unbelief!”

Be willing to pray the doubter’s prayer, “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.”

If you REALLY want the truth, ASK Him to show you. Stop letting your doubts torment you & finally find stability in the truth.

It can sound something like this:

“God, I am so exhausted from doubting everything about life! How can I know what is real? How do I base my life on what I don’t understand or don’t know is positively true? Help me to see the truth. If you are who You say You are, then You alone can shine straight through to the core of my doubting & shine a light of truth into it. Stabilize me & show me what to believe. I don’t want to base my life on a lie, but I don’t want to face the consequences of an ignored or avoided or misunderstood truth. So, please help me. Show me the way to truth. Lord, somehow I believe, but help my unbelief. AMEN.”

Keep Asking… He Hears You & He WILL Answer You If You Seek Earnestly

I prayed something similar for many years, not willing to give up & surrender to the great waves of doubt that tossed me to & fro in life. I wanted to feel grounded & secure. I wanted to build my life on truth, not opinion or fantasy.

Will you take that journey? Have you already come out the other side?

I no longer have those doubts, because He has cut through them to show me Himself. He knew exactly what I needed because He is GOD.

Keep seeking His face, for He knows just what you need. And once you find the truth in Him, you will see that He feels more real than anything real that you have ever felt tasted, seen, heard, or smelled…

& that’s how I know He is THE truth.

Shine Hope, Lovely… By seeking HIM.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning EST for more encouragement from one imperfect human to another.

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Crystal Spring Earrings

Made from real silver and chalcedony stone, these drop earrings are so easy to throw on.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

(*Also Pictured: Sea Glass Necklace from Jordan!*)

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

April Special Feature

For this month’s Special Feature post, (offered every last Thursday of the month), I would like to share an answer to a question & a poem for reflection. I hope they point you to Jesus Christ as the source of your hope & love & peace & joy & strength & grace, offered freely through faith in Him.

Only He can fully satisfy that longing in your soul that can’t seem to be quenched. Love you, Lovely!

He Really Is

Is God’s grace really enough?
One Word: Yes.

Your Great Love (How Greatly Jesus Loves Us)

It makes no sense…
Your great love for me.

How can it be…
That a sinner like me
Can be counted worthy
Of a love like Yours?

Not of my own merit
Not of my own goodness
Not of my own efforts
Nothing can earn Your love.

You offer it freely
No strings attached
You loved me before birth
And You will love me forevermore

You found me in the darkness,
Lost, scared, & alone,
But You cleared out the fog
And Your love lit up my life.

When all hope felt lost,
When I had all but given up,
You wrapped me in Your love
And Your love filled up my soul

Each day, a new chance,
Every prayer of faith…
Every breath of praise…
To know Your great love for me.

You saw my past
You knew my sin
And yet Your grace still saved me
Through Your endless love for me

Guilt & shame I deserved
Hell called me to death
But You paid my debt
And Your love, it reconciled

And that same love,
You offer freely to all
That same great love
That You show with Your grace

A prayer away…
You wait to wash our sin away
A simple prayer of faith in You
For infinite grace wrapped up in Your great love for us

Your love for us…
It makes no sense.
But Lord, how grateful I am
For Your great love.

I will sing it from the rooftops.
I will share it with all I know.
The great love You have for me,
You have for all the world around.

Big or small, short or tall,
Every color shade imaginable…
Wealthy or poor, rebellious or kind,
You love us all just the same.

*Grace is waiting for you
Will you accept it in faith?
Jesus is waiting with grace
To show you His great love for you, too!*

-Michelle Hyde

Coming Next Week

Join me on Monday morning EST for some regularly scheduled encouragement!

Love you!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Fearless Earrings

Our artisans in Nepal took brass & oxidized it to create this beautiful black hue, forming these gold and black statement earrings.

Artisan Information:

In many areas of Nepal, women are not considered equal to men & are vulnerable to sex trafficking. But the women making this product are earning an income & learning entrepreneurship, giving them confidence to break social norms! With every purchase, these women are provided with education, seminars on health, nutrition & also on women’s rights. Your purchase will create change for generations of women to come!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Nepal!

(*Also shown: Warrior Cuff, empowering women out of poverty in India!*)

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

How We Handle Hurt

Whether we recognize it or not, there are a lot of beliefs about how we should handle our anger & pain.

Some of these beliefs were brought on by trauma & feeling a need to protect ourselves. Some were modeled to us through our childhood & even into adulthood.

Some just became unconscious habits in how we manage pain in our lives.

It’s true that some people “handle” their anger & pain by hurting others, while others may pick up addictions as a way to avoid the pain that plagues them.

Burying It or Faking It

But among many other possible ways of reacting to our anger & pain in life, there are two very common ways of handling hurts that I have noticed in my own life.

I have often found myself either burying my feelings & pretending the hurt isn’t hurting me… or faking it by accepting its pain but not letting anyone else see it.

False Security That’s Hurting Us

Both of these reactions have the allure of seeming safe. We can trick ourselves into thinking we’re just fine & that we’re “handling” it.

We often use these as defense mechanisms when facing anger &/or pain because these two reactions don’t seem to be overtly hurting anyone else & because since we’re hiding our pain from others, no one can use it against us in our vulnerability.

But the illusion of false security leaves us in a prison of hurt that only damages us more over time, while also arguably hurting our relationships.

It’s Still There

Burying our pain from ourselves & from the world does not eradicate it, which leaves us even more vulnerable to pain when it is struck on us again.

The same goes for faking it. When we plaster a smile, hiding it from the world, we are not removing the hurt.

Being “Strong for God”

Christians seem to veer toward either or both of these reactions because we sometimes feel like we must “uphold God’s honor” by pretending we’re stronger than we are.

But listen, God knows we are just human!

We are not any stronger than any other person just because we have accepted God’s grace for salvation.

Not Super Human… Super GOD

Salvation does not make us super human.

If you are carrying a world of hurt behind that smile, please hear me on this… God sees you as you are, you don’t have to try to be strong for Him.

Not Our Own Strength, But His, in Times of Hurt

Here is where SURRENDER comes in to the picture.

Trust. Trust God to be enough when you are not.

Trust that He sees your hurt, your loss, your anger, your pain… & He loves you exactly where you are.

Be Real with God… He Can Handle It

Have you ever read any of the Psalms in the Bible?

The authors of some of the Psalms don’t hold back on expressing their anger, hurt, & frustration to God. Sometimes they even express a wish for someone to die for it! They get real with God in the midst of their pain because they know they can be honest with God.

God Can Take Care of You When All Feels Hopeless

But the authors of the Psalms don’t leave it at there misery & anger… In the midst of their terrible situation, they express their trust in God to handle both the hurtful situation as well as their heart & healing.

You see, we don’t have to carry our every burden, trying to prove that because we’re “a strong woman” or because we’re “Christian” that we can handle everything just fine.

We don’t have to fake it or lash out or bury it or turn to addiction… We can run into God’s open arms, share our hurts with Him & trust Him.

Crying Out to God & Trusting Him Versus Self

Here is an example of how I pray when I feel angry or hurt:

“God, I am so angry/hurt right now that I want to throw this vase into the wall! I feel so [betrayed, blindsided, invalidated, misunderstood, frustrated, livid, etc.] & I cannot control my emotions! They burn inside me & I feel lost & drowning in the hurt that I feel. Help me!

Be my strength because I don’t have it in me to [forgive, apologize, have peace, be calm, be loving, make peace, etc.]. I just want them to hurt for hurting me!

But I know that wishing for revenge doesn’t honor You, so please intercept these thoughts & change them to reflect Your love & grace. Change my perspective & renew my heart. Give me Your strength to react the right way. Give me Your wisdom to do what is best. Give me Your power to follow through in the way that You know is best.

Help me to trust You above the storm of my emotions that rage around me because of this situation.

You are All-Powerful God. You are the All-Creative Creator. You are the Unconditionally-Loving Savior. You know all & have a perfect plan that spans far beyond what I can see. Help me to trust in You above my limited view of the moment. I love You, Amen.”

It’s All About What He Can Do

It’s not about what we can “handle”. It’s not about how “strong” we are. It’s not about “proving” our faith.

It’s all about Him.

His love. His ability. His strength. His power. His wisdom.

Don’t Run Away… Run to Him

So, stop stuffing it. Stop hiding it away from the light of day. Stop aching your strained heart with that smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes.

Stop fooling yourself that you have to be enough.

Drop to your knees. Bow your head. (Or, just ask Him while sitting in the car or wherever you are in the moment.) And lay the pain at His feet.

Ask Him to take it. Ask Him to handle it. Ask Him for freedom from your secret prison of pain.

It’s All About Him

He doesn’t need you to be perfect for the world. He needs you to show the world that He is perfect although we are not.

Shine a light by pointing to Him. Shine HOPE by pointing back to Him.

He is THE way… THE truth… THE life.

So, let Him bring life back into your heart by turning to Him in your anger & hurt & by letting Him be what lifts you.

He’s got you, Lovely. He will always be enough & more so. He’s got you.

Coming Next Week

Check back next Monday morning EST for more encouragement!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Petal Necklace

This cubic zirconia floral pendant hangs from an antique golden chain & pairs perfectly with the Petal Stud Earrings.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Grace Is Free

This is a topic that I have found cannot be discussed enough—“Obedience through faith, not self-efforts.”

It seems that we have universally grown accustomed to feeling some control over our position before God. As if we must prove ourselves worthy in order to be given His free gift to cover our wrongs.

Sometimes we live in a state of self-condemnation, beating ourselves into submission in order to honor God with our lives. We think we have to pay Him back.

But God’s free gift of grace is just that… free.

Our Best Isn’t Enough-And That’s Grace

God even says that our righteousness (the best we have to offer), is like dirty rags.

God doesn’t say this to condemn us & mock our efforts, but rather to say that His gift cannot be earned, but is just GIVEN, free of charge, if only we believe on Him for that gift.

Our best still isn’t enough & yet God covers the gaps for us.

And yet we still strive to earn or to deserve His grace.

Doing Nothing Is Not the Cure

This isn’t to say that the opposite of the pendulum swing is true either, that because we cannot earn it, we shouldn’t strive to honor God with our lives.

BUT, it is not because we put pressure on ourselves to deserve His free gift & it is not through our own self-efforts, either.

Knowing We Weren’t Enough-God Makes a Way

In discussing this topic with a friend, this comparison came to mind:

God gave us the law (the 10 Commandments), knowing that we could never fulfill the law on our own & knowing that we would have to come to Jesus to be the propitiation for our wrongs to right our relationship with Himself.

In the same way, God gives us commands on how we ought to live this life, knowing that we do not have the capacity to live that way from our own efforts, knowing that He sent the Holy Spirit to guide us & empower us to live the way He has called us to live.

The Balance

Also, just because we could never perfectly fulfill the law or God’s commandments on how to live, doesn’t mean we should avoid living God’s way & instead do whatever we want.

But we should also not tire ourselves trying to be perfect when we are not.

So, it sounds like I have told you to both NOT avoid doing what is right while also NOT tiring yourself to do what is right.

I know this might sound like a contradiction, but it is actually the perfect formula for faith & for a life lived through a relationship with God through a life of faith AKA abiding in Christ (versus just following His example).

Lean Into Him to Do All He Asks of Us

You see, although we are incapable of living the way God has asked us to, & although this does not excuse our wrongdoings, we should instead lean into God for what we are called to do in our incapacity to do it.

Here is an example of something I say to God in my prayers:

“God, I feel so [distracted, lazy, busy, rebellious, tired, stubborn, worn out, incapable, discouraged, impatient, proud/arrogant, etc.], but I know this honors You, so please give me the [strength, wisdom, clarity, available time, power, ability, encouragement, inspiration, discipline, humility, patience, etc.] that I don’t feel I can muster on my own to accomplish this that honors You. You are all that I need in my limitations. I am not enough, but You are GOD. Thank You that I can be still & know that through my limitations, You ARE GOD.”

Because really, that’s what it all comes down to.

We Are So Limited, But He Isn’t!

I am limited. There is so much that God asks of me that I just don’t have the capacity to do on my own…

Like:

• Loving my enemies
• Knowing what to say to someone whose world is crashing around them
• Taking time for a quiet time with God when my world is chaos
• Accomplishing a big task that seems out of my abilities
• Knowing how to respect someone who is rude or mean
• Responding rightly in a high stress situation
• ETC.! (The list of my shortcomings & weaknesses, if I put a decent amount of time & effort into writing it, would be quite long, if I am honest!)

SO MANY things are beyond my human limitations & I can exhaust myself REALLY QUICKLY in trying to live up to all of it all the time, in my own strength or wisdom or power to make it all happen. And then , I will STILL fall short of it 100% of the time!

God Fills in the Gaps

But yet, God still asks them of me, knowing my limitations better than I know them myself.

And so, the beautiful solution to this gap is HIM. Letting God lead us across those gaps, between His commands on how to live & our human limitations, through/by/with HIS power, love, patience, hope, strength, joy, wisdom, etc.

HIS. Not ours.

Don’t Just Follow Christ-Abide in Him

So, if you feel like you’re barely holding your Christian life together, you’re doing it wrong.

Sorry, not sorry.

Stop trying to be Super Christian & instead, lean into our AWESOME, UNLIMITED, SUPREME, LOVING GOD.

Just stop.

And pray.

And let God move you where you can’t move yourself.

Take some pressure off yourself, because you were never meant to do it in your own strength anyways.

Shine hope, Lovely—Through FAITH, Not Self-Efforts.

Coming Next Week

Make sure to tune in every Monday morning EST for some more encouragement!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Eternity Necklace

Multiple mixed metal chains are hugged by a metal curved tube to create this simple yet elegant piece with a lobster clasp closure.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write & grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & send them to school! You have the opportunity to end poverty & create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

(*Also shown: Western Stud Trio (silver pair), also empowering women out of poverty, in India!)

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!