God Always Has a Plan

I was humbled so much during my time in Hokkaido, Japan.

In fact, coming through my loneliness in Guam & then on to the immense strain my brain experienced in Hokkaido (mixed with even deeper loneliness because of the great language barriers), is what pushed me to start this journey with my website & blog!

God showed me firsthand that not every person, whether missionary or expat or even living in certain areas or families—not everyone has Christian fellowship, support, encouragement, & testimonies of His HOPE around them to encourage & edify them every day.

We NEED each other. God made us for community. We are weak, fleshly humans with a tendency to stray after shiny things that look great but have nasty consequences either immediately or eventually.

So, here I am. I’m not perfect. I’m not the shining example you should strive to emulate. But I AM a woman who understands that the God of the Bible, the One TRUE God, is WORTH showing up for & pointing to through all of MY inadequacies & failures.

Zero Times

Speaking of me NOT being the shining example… Do you remember reading that I accepted Jesus’ FREE gift of salvation, Him paying my debt to God by dying in my place… at FIVE years old?

Guess how many times I had read the Bible all the way through by the time we were living in Hokkaido, Japan, 30+ years later?

Zero. ZERO times.

I had read the Bible, of course. I knew a lot of the retelling stories written about in the Bible. I could quote quite a few verses by then. (Sans the references because I am terrible at remembering those!)

I had listened to HUNDREDS of sermons at church in my lifetime, done a TON of devotionals & gone to a TON of ladies Bible studies.

But I had never read the Bible through, cover to cover, in all its entirety.

The Guilt, the Failure, the Shame… the Unwillingness to Change

That’s a LONG time to avoid reading through the whole Bible, don’t you think?

Maybe you’re sitting there thinking, “I can for sure relate!”

Or, maybe you’re sitting there thinking, “Are you SERIOUS? How can you call yourself a committed follower of Jesus???”

I definitely had some guilt floating around in my head over this that sounded much like that… but I honestly believed that because I read the Bible at church, in devotions, at Bible Studies, or when I searched for God’s wisdom relevant to particular struggles I faced… that it was enough.

I Was Fooled

The other stuff in the Bible just seemed like a long, drawn-out history lesson & I will tell you right now that history was never my favorite subject in school (it seemed so tedious trying to remember a million names of people & places & battles & bills & dates, etc. etc. etc.).

I ALSO realized that my attention span was not up to snuff when it came to sitting down to read more than a chapter or so of the Bible at a time. How was I supposed to read when I would get a headache or a ton of stuff was on my mind or I was tired & groggy or a lot was going on when I sat down to read, etc.?

I thought I just wasn’t good at that & that it wasn’t my fault I couldn’t read it more.

The Book That Changed My World

But I read a book that changed my world: “Andrew Murray on Prayer,” a compilation of works written by the late Andrew Murray, translated into English.

(You can find the link to this book, as well as many other book titles & Bible Studies that God has used to personally & strongly influence my life on my website @ www.michellehydeonline.com/recommended-by-michelle/.)

I went into reading this book because I didn’t really understand some things about prayer, like how I am supposed to pray or what I can pray for or how I know God will answer me, etc. & this book has some great help with that, but what I didn’t expect, was learning how I could read my Bible on a regular basis.

Where God Commands, God Provides

You see, one of the things that Mr. Murray addressed was that we are not meant to obey God strictly through sheer willpower, but with the help of God.

He walked through many a verse that share commands from God, pointing out a common thread in many of them… the words: “by faith,” “through faith,” “by God,” & “through God.”

In other words, when God commands, He also lets us know we need His help to do it!

Mr. Murray goes on to say that so many Christians end up burnt out or fake it because they’re trying to be good Christian people in their own strength & know-how & willpower, versus asking God for His strength & know-how & POWER to empower them in their obedience.

I don’t know about you, but I consider myself infinitely WEAK when I consider how great God is, so hearing that I can rely on HIS versus my own was mind-blowing & life changing.

Unnatural & Impossible to Me… But God Isn’t Limited

Mr. Murray continues by demonstrating how, when we seek to live in obedience to God in anything that feels absolutely unnatural to us in any way, whether due to upbringing, personal weakness, etc., that instead of avoiding said obedience, or justifying it because “we just can’t do it,” we ought instead to PRAY & ask for God’s HELP.

So, I took that to heart, recognizing for once that if it is God’s will for me to do something & He holds absolute power that is infinite in nature… He WILL help me. I can count on that 100%.

Then my Bible reading attempt scenarios began to shift from failure to prayer: “God, I [have a headache, feel distracted, feel tired, don’t WANT to do it, etc.], but I know this honors You & pleases You, so I want to do it anyway. Please help me make it happen despite _________________________. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

And I wouldn’t wait until I “felt better” before I began… I would trust God would fill in because I knew this request honored Him. So, I would just start reading.

God Doesn’t Always Answer the Same Way, But He Always Provides

Sometimes the obstacle didn’t go away, but I would somehow have a strange sense of concentration & focus regardless.

Sometimes God would whisk away said obstacle altogether & I would read with ease.

Sometimes God removed the obstacle while I read & yet it returned when I was finished.

But EVERY time, God enabled me to read & stay focused on what I was reading.

God Can Even Help with the WHEN

And before we become tempted to believe it’s only in the want-to or the ability to do it… He ALSO helped me when TIME was the issue.

For example: “God, I know I promised to read tonight, but this thing came up & now I don’t have time. What do I do? I want to honor You most. Should I cancel? What should I do?” And then this urgency would come over me as if saying, “Read NOW.” I would argue, “But I have to be downstairs ready to go so I don’t hold people up if I am to go….” Again, “Read NOW.”

So, I would get out my Bible, open it up & begin to read. And wow, as I closed my Bible upon finishing that night’s reading, my hubs came running down the stairs saying, “Sorry! I had to finish something real quick that I forgot! Now we can go!”

Did I know that delay would come up? Nope.

Did God? YES.

Praying & bowing that to Him, allowed Him opportunity to reveal the WHEN, too!

God Helps Grow the Desire to Obey Him, Too

God helps us to obey Him! WOW! It’s not up to my flimsy willpower or desires or even having to know if I’ll have the time!

And let me also say that an embarrassing amount of obstacles were just me not wanting to do it… & He helped me with that, too.

I’m not saying I all of a sudden had a change of heart sometimes, but rather that I would bow that selfishness & unwillingness to Him, too, ask for His help to obey anyway, & would just sit down & read through my bad attitude, determined I would honor God even on the days when I didn’t necessarily feel like doing it.

What Side Are You Watering?

You have probably heard the saying: “the grass is always greener on the other side,” but I have also heard, “the grass is always greener on the side you’re watering.” In other words, if I am romanticizing NOT reading because it seems so much easier, takes less focus, doesn’t impede on what I’d rather do, etc., then it will be going against my downstream ease to instead do it. It will take practiced determination.

I had to pray about 90% of days the first year I determined to read my Bible daily, it seemed like… but then, the next year? Maybe only 80%, then maybe 50%… & so on.

And now, I read every night without hardly any resistance. Maybe down to 5% now?

I have been watering the side of finding joy in what God instructs… of finding joy in obedience to Him through honoring Him. Of learning to lean on Him on the days when I “just don’t wanna.”

I Am Not Made for This… & Yet… GOD

You know, the same is true for running this blog every week. I’m not fit for this. Some days I just feel so numb & checked out. Some days I just want to throw on sweatpants, plop on the couch, & binge tv. Some days I feel stubborn & selfish & don’t want to encourage anyone.

How could God call me to this when I am the way I am?

Because He knows HE is capable when I fall short. He knows He is sufficient where I lack. He knows HIS strength can more than cover my weakness. He knows HE can overcome & help me through every bad attitude & use it for my good even in showing His faithfulness when I’m least deserving.

God calls me… God calls you… not because we’re deserving… but because He is our Enough in & through it all... come what may… even on our absolute worst days… even when it’s our fault completely.

So, how do I do it every week? When I am the way I am? I PRAY. I trust He will be my HOW even when I can’t seem to muster a bit of it on my own.

God Can Help Us Obey Him

Where is this a struggle for you?

What have you convinced yourself that it’s not your fault that you’re just not good at something God calls you to do? Of what honors & pleases Him?

What side are you watering?

Do you struggle believing that the God who made you & this whole world can handle helping you through your insurmountable unwilling heart or obstacles that seem to tower too far above you?

God tells us to desire His Word (the Bible) as a newborn babe desires milk. (1 Peter 2:2) Do you have that same craving for His Word in your life? Do you need His help to grow this desire? Because, if it honors & pleases Him, you can be absolutely positive that He will be right there willing to help you do it.

Shine HOPE by turning your unwillingness, bad habits, lack of good habits, disobedience, obstacles, unwatered grass areas of your life… to the God Who is infinitely, absolutely, & completely ABLE.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over 5.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Patina Earrings (INDIA)

Make a fair-trade fashion statement with the Patina Earrings! These gorgeous earrings feature a gold-tone hammered stud with a patina circle. These unique artisanal earrings are handcrafted in a workshop in India that’s committed to fighting child marriage and helping women become financially independent as fair-trade Artisans. Every purchase empowers these women out of poverty!

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Relationships Can Be Hard Sometimes, Can’t They?

If you have ever been in any long-term relationship, or even just consider the family you’re born into (your God-given long-term relationships), you know good relationships take work. They’re not easy.

We can be tempted to look at really happy couples online or celebrities or friends even, & think they must have it all together all the time, but I will tell you this right now… I guarantee you with absolute certainty that they don’t have it ALL together ALL the time.

Because good relationships require that you work on them.

There will be days where you feel at each other’s throats because you’re both in a bad mood. There will be days when you have pretty opposite opinions you both feel very strongly about. There will be days of misunderstandings & hurt feelings. There will be days where past trauma is triggered, even when it has zero to do with that other person.

Strong relationships are definitely worth it… but they’re definitely not always easy.

It All Felt So Easy in the Beginning

Well, we’re no different. Our marriage takes work. It takes loving through each other’s bad moods or bad attitudes, mistakes, & shortcomings. It takes prayer & trusting God’s way forward.

When we were dating, it felt so easy to be together. My husband was waiting on his job clearance & I was working parttime at the church where we met. Low pressure. Low stress. Few obligations &/or distractions. Just the two of us. (Who else sang that just now?)

We spent most of our free time together, not to mention that any church event or service found us side-by-side.

I was still working out my commitment fears as for a potential future together, but in each individual moment together, it felt easy.

We laughed a lot together. We had fun. We were silly & ridiculous. We went on long walks, played card games & board games together, we went out to eat together, we would sit & just open up about any & everything together. And we prayed together. It felt so easy to be together.

First Few Years?

We got married in May 2012, enjoyed a beach honeymoon in Mexico, & just 3 months later, packed up from our small apartment & moved to Guam.

Our new adventure awaited us as a newlywed couple.

I was wide-eyed & teeming with HOPE for our future together.

I had heard that the first few years of marriage were notoriously some of the hardest to go through, but I thought that was for sure not true for us. We were in love & happy & full of joy & bright expectations.

Bring on the Hard

But reality started to settle in… My husband’s job was demanding of his time & energy. I couldn’t seem to get a job anywhere. Friends were so hard to come by because of certain circumstances–I couldn’t get too involved in anything regularly because with hubby’s schedule, I could potentially miss my only chance to see him that week.

Then the fact that smartphones weren’t as common then.… (We had an international calling plan that allowed a 3-hour window & if my family wasn’t free during that specific 3-hour window, I had no other time to hear their voices or chat.)

I was far, far away from any family & friends. I had a hard time being able to plug in anywhere. My husband worked an insane amount of hours & was always exhausted when home. I couldn’t find a job. I was home… ALONE… all… the… time.

I felt like I had nobody. (Even now as I type, thinking back on that time in my life breaks my heart a little bit & gets me a little choked up because the hurt was very real.)

I had never known loneliness like I felt during most of my time living in Guam back in 2012-2015. From growing up around all my family & long-time friends, to a teeming social life in college, to this…. To say it was hard is a huge understatement. It was like life whiplash.

I Just Wanted to Go Home

Here we were, on the other side of the world from everything we had ever known & the first few years of our marriage indeed got very hard. Not bad, but hard.

My loneliness put pressure on my husband when he was already feeling enough pressure with his job. It seemed easier to argue than I ever thought could be possible for the two of us. It seemed easier to hurt each other than I ever thought could be possible for the two of us. And we never meant to do so, but it happened all the same.

I wanted to run back to my family in the states & pretend that season in my life never began. I wanted to go back to the easy happy. I wanted to go back to feeling I had a place to belong.

And this season lasted for about 1.5 years.

Amazing Things Happen When You Let God be in Charge

I was feeling some resentment, honestly, as wrong as that is. I didn’t know if I could ever get through or past the hurt I was feeling. I felt trapped by the hurts I was experiencing so often back then.

But then, something amazing happened. We started praying about it together whenever the circumstances were frustrating us.

We poured out our frustrations & hurts to God & asked Him to give us wisdom & a way forward… to the togetherness we so enjoyed & that came so easily before.

And you know what? God provided. God showed the way. God broke down walls I had built up in my heart. God eased my tensions. God filled me with impossible peace. God cared & God provided the bridge back.

God AS Our SOLUTION

God taught us how to direct our eyes back on HIM versus any problem that may arise.

He was our solution.

He was our glue.

He was our wisdom.

He was our help.

He was our bridge back.

God Is the Bridge Back in Relationships

What situation are you facing right now that just feels impossible?

What hurt in your heart seems to cloud everything you face?

What circumstance seems unsolvable?

Where in your life feels like there is no possible way forward?

Don’t believe that mumbo jumbo phrase: “where there’s a will, there’s a way.” You can have all the WILL in the world, & sometimes it just won’t do diddly squat.

What you need is PRAYER. What you need is the One Who holds the POWER behind PRAYER. What you need is God Almighty’s HELP. What you need is the grace of Jesus to wash over anything you may come across. What you need is the wisdom & way forward that only the Holy Spirit can provide for you.

When you face even the “unforgiveable,” take a minute to remember what Jesus gave for your “unforgiveables.” His LIFE.

We Need His Help to Forgive & We Need Him in Order to Love Well

What I need is prayer. Every single day. Even writing this today, I am convicted about two relationships in my life that hold some brokenness because of a misunderstanding or difference of opinion & I realize this isn’t just for marriage relationships, but I need to be praying for those relationships & a bridge forward all the same, because God is the solution there just as much.

Don’t let Satan tear apart relationships in your life. Don’t let him have the final say. Don’t let him distort & grow discontentment or resentment. Stand firm against it & PRAY OVER IT! God’s power trumps ANYTHING Satan can try to destroy. So–PRAY!

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.” (Ephesians 6:12-13)

Shine HOPE by trusting God to be your bridge back, no matter what seems to threaten your way forward. God. Is. ABLE.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty:

February 2024 Hope Mail

FOR A LIMITED TIME – Only available during the month of February! This exclusive February Hope Mail package makes a great gift for any occasion! Receive free shipping on this February Hope Mail package that includes our Midnight Tassel Bracelet from Uganda, Midnight Raffia Earrings from India, and our adorable Darkest Night Sticker mailed in a stylish Fashion as a Force for Good envelope.

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

The Beginnings of a Beautiful Friendship

So here I was, a new employee at a church, met maybe the only young single guy at said church, tried avoiding him so I wouldn’t risk hurting him… & then he friends me on social media. (Catch up on this story in Chapter 14.)

I must admit that he was really likeable.  I couldn’t help but want to be friends with him. I enjoyed his company (still do). He was considerate & friendly & he made me laugh. There was no flirtation… just kindness… genuine kindness. It was refreshing.

… It was refreshing & it was hard not to like him.

We quickly & easily started to become friends after many a long conversation through private messaging, chatting about the most random of things & just hanging out in the most ordinary of ways, carefree & lighthearted… but soon came the dreaded private message: him asking me out on a date.

Cue the Panic

I still remember my face flushing & going numb. I remember the panic setting in. I remember kicking myself again & thinking that this was the very reason I had tried to avoid him to start with. I did not want to be more than friends. I did not want to risk breaking anyone else’s heart. I did not want the stress of agonizing over whether I liked him because it felt nice to be liked or whether it was more.

Liking a guy always turned into a whirlwind of: “Do I really like like him? Or am I just enjoying feeling flattered? Is this something God is leading? Or do I just want it to be something God is leading? Am I using him to feel good about myself? Or is this real? Does he actually like the real me? Or just the image of me he has in his head? Am I going to end up changing my mind & then breaking his heart? Will he?” It was exhausting!

I liked it when it was just long chats on social media & laughing, easy-going, harmless fun. Asking me on a date felt like an arrow shot right through all of that.

But Then… I Prayed…

But again, as I do when I panic, I prayed & asked God for help in what to do–wisdom…. AFTER I cried & decided to pretend I never got his message, hoping to respond after the fact…. Except, he tagged me in the comment section of something funny later that night & I laughed so hard I had already replied to it before I could stop & remember that I was supposed to be pretending not to see any notification pop-ups from him. Oops.

And, quick-thinking him decides to call me out on it immediately & ask if I saw his OTHER message.

So, I prayed AGAIN & God reminded my heart that in praying about possible future relationships the past few years, I had promised God 1. that I would go on 1 date with a guy if he had the guts to ask me out without any flirtation on my part & 2. that I had agreed to trust God with my future relationships… not my fears.

I still tried to get out of it anyway, but Jamie outsmarted me at every attempt & I finally relented & agreed to go, despite my very real anxieties.

Our First Date

The day of our first date, my mom found out I was going out “with a BOY” & made me to agree to letting them meet him. (On a first date!) But he handled it graciously when he arrived even in having to meet the parents straight away… as I tried so desperately to slink into the shadows & become invisible.

And let me tell you… something so strange happened as we set out on that first date…. With all of my nerves & anxieties & questions for God & not wanting to end up hurting this nice guy… as soon as he opened the door & I slid into my seat… I felt this overwhelming feeling of belonging… like I was meant to be there… like I was home.

Our first date was dinner & a movie & he was a total gentleman every step of it… even with me putting my foot in my mouth pretty majorly at one point. So embarrassing. But he was forgiving & gracious & we carried on with our evening. We had an effortlessly great time.

Then the Walls Come Crumbling Down

That first date was December 10, 2010, & in our online chat afterwards, he told me he had been hesitant to ask me out because I seemed so set on avoiding him & because he didn’t feel he was in a mindset to pursue anyone seriously, but that he really felt God relentlessly nudging him to talk to me & then eventually to ask me out. As if God were saying: “are you going to do this in my timing? Or yours?”

NOT what this skittish, not-sure-I’m-ready-for-commitment-yet girl wanted to hear AT ALL… launching me into an all-out dumping fest of all my past heartbreak on him that night. I was a crying, blubbering, fearful, panicked mess. (Luckily, I was talking to him online, so he didn’t know just how much of a hot mess I was.)

And I told him ALL of it. Every heartbreak. Every fear. All of it. Literally just backed the dump truck of emotions up to him & dumped it all out on him. As if to say, “this is why you should avoid me!”

The 3 Month (Week) Rule

With all my dumping of fear on him, praying for God’s help amidst all my poorly handled fear, I decided to have him agree to give me 3 months with no mention of relationship or affections or romance or anything related... 3 months before he was allowed to ask if we could officially be a couple. We could go out on dates, but strictly as friends–no HINT of romance was allowed. 3 months for him to think objectively about it & pray for God’s will in it… & 3 months for me to pray about it & think objectively through God’s leading versus my fears.

And when we signed off our chat that night, I cried & prayed some more. I was so scared of reliving falling in love only to crush the person I loved. I never wanted to do that ever again. I needed God’s wisdom & leading. I needed His help.

So, I prayed. And I said something like: “God, I am so scared. I do not want to go through that again. I am just now starting to move on from the last time my heart broke that way. Please spare me from living that again. I can’t do it. Please help me. He seems so nice & I am so scared of accidentally falling for him without Your lead & then having to leave & hurt him if it’s not Your will. How do I know if this is Your will? How do I know what to do? I need to know whether this is of You, because if I am not certain, I don’t want any part of it. Please help me. I know I told him 3 months, but I need to know how to tell whether it’s You or not, so if this really is of Your leading & it honors You, help Him to be willing to scare me off & lose me in order to follow YOUR leading in his heart. Help him to ask me to be official in 3 WEEKS, before January 1 strikes, & I will know it’s You. If he is willing to risk losing me to follow & honor Your lead, I will know it’s You & I will trust You. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

This was my Gideon moment. (Judges 6:36-40) I was scared, but I wanted God’s will above my fear… but I had to KNOW for sure it was God’s will before I was willing to walk into scary territory.

Will He Ask Me?

Well, we had a second date. We still chatted online. We saw each other at church… & true to his promise, Jamie didn’t push it… he kept it just friends, just kindness… no flirtations or mentions/pressure of real commitment as an official couple… just friendship only.

But January 1 was creeping up quickly & still no mention.

Then our 3^rd date came to a close on December 31, as he pulls into my parents’ driveway to say goodnight… & still no mention.

This was where I was thinking to myself, “Ok God, I hear You. I guess this is my answer… to keep it as just friends… I guess if it’s a not-meant-to-be-YET type thing, You will confirm that to me at a later time some other way…. I guess this is my answer for now.”

And then… breaking the silence in the car before I stepped out of the car, Jamie speaks up, “I don’t know why I feel like I need to say this, but I did what you asked & I started praying about this… about us… & I got my answer after a few days, but I have been waiting the 3 months because that’s what you asked for & I have been trying to respect that. But then tonight, I can’t help feeling this pressure that I am supposed to say something TONIGHT.”

And so he did. Just hours before January 1 struck.

I didn’t pray that “3 week versus 3 month” prayer out loud & I didn’t tell a soul about it either because I didn’t want ANY doubt it could be anything other than God’s response & here we were… December 31… just a few hours before January 1.

Dating with Caution

That is how our dating story began. I turned to God, wanting His will & asking for His guidance & I became Jamie’s official girlfriend that night. I had no idea where this was heading & the fear did not go away with that huge answer to prayer.

But there was no denying that somehow God was leading us together & giving His blessing.

God had a plan I could not see. But He could see it. And scared as I was, I knew I could trust that plan.

We Can Always Trust God’s Plan… & for Him to Guide Us as We Seek His Will in Life

Is God calling you to something that scares you? Maybe breaking up with a guy you care about because the relationship doesn’t honor God but you really love feeling loved? (Read about my experience with this in Chapter 6.) Maybe being with a guy even though you’re scared of commitment? Maybe being single when all you’ve ever wanted is to get married? Maybe it’s loving your husband who seems unlovable at the moment when the rosy glasses have come off & life is hard?

Maybe it has nothing to do with relationships, but God is nudging you to let go of something or step forward in something you’re either scared to give up or scared to move forward?

Do you trust God knows more than you do? Do you trust God to help you through that? Do you trust that God truly cares for you?

Take a minute to confess to him anything that comes to the surface right now & ask Him to forgive you… & ask for His help in stepping forward in honoring & pleasing Him, even when it’s hard or scary.

Shine HOPE by always trusting God’s lead, even when it’s hard.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Love Coin Purse (INDIA)

The Love Coin Purse from India is hand beaded by women in India able to earn fair wages for their work. With its sweet, adorable soft pink color and “Love” motif, the coin purse also features a beaded rosy-pink heart, cotton lining, and zippered closure.

*****Every purchase supports women in areas of extreme poverty.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Setting the Stage

I have told this story more times than I can count. It’s a story of a scared girl meeting a sweet boy & how they both allowed God to lead every step along the way… eventually.

After I graduated college, now being 26 years old (I started college late), I went through that first summer after graduating, as I mentioned in the last chapter (Chapter 13), & when my debt was finally paid in full, I finally got a call about a job that I felt some measure of peace about.

But this was not the job I wanted. I wanted to work with a big church that had a thriving outreach ministry & I wanted to essentially be an apprentice to someone who led said outreach ministry so that I could learn from them.

Not the Type of Job I Wanted… But the Job God Chose

This particular job, though, was for a small church, 40+ minutes away (more, depending on traffic) & they didn’t even have an outreach ministry.

This job was also recommended to me by a longtime friend who worked there, but it was mentioned that the job was not yet available & that they didn’t know quite when it would be available.

Well, as I do with all decisions like this… I prayed & asked God for wisdom. I mostly wanted confirmation to hold out for what I wanted… thinking maybe that was another reason God had said “no” to every other job potential.

But, I asked God: “God, even though this isn’t what I want… I really want what You want… so, if this is of You, please confirm it to me & I will move forward with it, even if I don’t particularly want to. If this is of You, help the job to surprisingly become available by next week & let me get a call updating me as such.”

My friend called that very next week. The job was available sooner than expected.

God Always Has a Plan… Even When I Can’t See It

I cried from disappointment when we hung up from that call. I had felt that God had not only held out on allowing me to move forward with any job opportunities for the sake of teaching me to trust His provision… but also because I believed He was holding out for me to find my dream job.

This was not my dream job.

Later on, I updated my mom & told her how this isn’t what I pictured & how I felt like God was confirming it but I wanted something different. But my mom reminded me that if I knew God was leading it, it’s what I needed to take.

I Loved the Job I Hadn’t Wanted

The interview itself filled me with so much reassuring peace as well… I knew it was God’s nudging confirmation to my hesitant heart.

So, after the job was eventually offered… I accepted… not having any idea of what God had in store for me in this very small church 40+ minutes away with no outreach ministry from which to learn.

Training went well. I loved the staff. I felt like I fit in & was part of the team right away. The attendees/members were so warm, welcoming, & friendly. I liked my job.

There He Was… The Warm Welcome… & the Panic That Followed

And on my first Sunday, after being introduced as the new staff member of the church, so many lovely people came to welcome me & thank me for filling in this position at their church. It was warm & wonderful.

The church was a pretty large majority of senior citizens back then, but there was one young man who came straight up to me after the service, extended his hand in greeting, & welcomed me with open kindness.

His name was Jamie.

But, after my last run-in with love, I was not interested in 1 girl + 1 boy = new relationship, so, I pretty noticeably & uncomfortably avoided him immediately following that first initial handshake & greeting, staying on the other side of the room as him as much as possible when we were both in attendance for anything at the church. I would give a polite, but not inviting, smile if we ever accidentally made eye contact, but that was it.

I Slipped Up with a Confident Stride

Then, one day, a little over a month after I had started working there & attending that church, we had a staff meeting scheduled after that morning’s fellowship brunch… so, as everything was cleaned up & some were just lingering to chat, I decided to go to my office for some card games on my computer to pass the time before we could begin.

And, as I strode confidently into my office, (also the front office of the church)… there… sat… Jamie… in my office.

My stride was confident & intentional, & although I stopped in my tracks upon seeing him there, a quick mental calculation confirmed it was far too late to turn back now without proving my avoidance to be certainly intentional.

AKA without being rude.

And as staff… I didn’t want to be rude. I had slipped up.

Trying to Save Face… & Failing

So, I regathered myself quickly & decided to play it cool, headed straight for my desk, logged in, turned on a game (with my screen turned away from his chair), & proceeded to act very, very, VERY busy… much… FAR too busy to interact with ANYONE.

But that was no deterrent for this friendly young man. No. He started up small talk right away, while also explaining that he was awaiting a ride.

I politely replied & doubled down on my “I am so serious & so busy right now, you can’t even IMAGINE” face.

It did nothing to faze him. Soon he was SCOOTING his chair ACROSS THE ROOM up to my desk so that we could better chat while he waited.

I was inwardly clenching my jaw & (inwardly) making the face as if to say, “come oooon.” (You know, that face you make when you widen your eyes & look up at nothing in particular while sticking your chin out, clenching your jaw, & tightening your fists with exasperation? That face.)

But, outwardly I just smiled politely through gritted teeth. My plan was failing.

Admittedly, It Wasn’t a Bad Conversation… It Was Actually Quite Nice a Conversation

But soon he made me laugh & I couldn’t help but smile (unwillingly) for real.

He was nice… polite… kind-hearted. He was nice to talk to & genuinely friendly. He wasn’t trying to impress me or flirt with me. He was just being good company while we both waited in my office for different reasons.

But I didn’t want to be his friend. I didn’t want to risk making him think I was interested in anything beyond friendship. I didn’t want to hurt him.

But I did allow myself to slip into friendly conversation. I did. He was just so easy to enjoy talking to.

Haunted by Regrets of My Past

And later that night, I kicked myself hard as I received a social media friend request from him. This was exactly what I had been trying to avoid with all of my avoiding him.

I didn’t want him to enjoy my company. I didn’t want to be tempted to soak up all the attention & grow feelings for him only to hurt him later like I had done before with guy friends from my past. I didn’t want to break his heart. I didn’t trust myself enough not to.

My pattern was so predictable. I was so desperate to feel worthy of love & attention, coupled with being an absolute romantic… one smile made me dream of a wedding to come.

But jumping headfirst into a relationship before consulting God always ended up with me realizing I had acted selfishly & had to make things right & let them go… only, with the first time I fell for a guy for real… I wouldn’t let go… & I hurt him bigtime in the process, which I never meant to do. I didn’t want to do that ever again & I didn’t trust myself not to do it again.

But I didn’t want to be unkind either, so I accepted his friend request. Little did I know where that little friend request would lead me….

Letting My Fears Trump My Trust in God

Obviously, at this point in the story, I am not really trusting God with my love story. Well… in a way, I am… in the sense that I am not chasing after every bit of attention to see if maybe, just maybe, there could be a love story there to be had….

But I was also self-protecting, acting out of fear versus trust in God. I was so worried about hurting another guy in the way I had done in the past that I wasn’t even willing to be friendly. I was basically trusting my own methods versus trusting God to guide me.

And don’t worry, it gets worse before it gets better. But God knew what He was doing & God was patient with my fears. He was kind & gentle the whole way.

How About You?

Have you been hurt in the past? Have you built up your walls? Have you figured out a plan to protect yourself or others from getting hurt?

Are you trusting more yourself or God to protect your heart?

If you feel that clenched-fist feeling, then please… unclench your fists. Take a deep breath. And ask God to help you trust in Him each day rather than your own methods/walls of protection.

Ask Him to help you follow HIS lead versus furiously trying to keep up with your own rules. Let Him lead.

Shine HOPE by trusting your unknown future & your known past hurts to a God that can perfectly handle both.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Island Twilight Hoops (HAITI)

Make a fair-trade fashion statement with these totally unique, ethically made hoops from Haiti! These beaded Island Twilight Hoops feature black, cream, and gold seed beads to create a gorgeous hoop earring handmade by women in Haiti able to earn a dignified income.

*****Every purchase of these stunning earrings helps provide these Artisans with safe jobs, fair wages, educational resources, and counseling.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

I Owe My Parents So Much

After I graduated college, I was already nearing 27 years old because I worked in between high school & college.

Admittedly, I had a great advantage because my parents offered to pay for my college (in lieu of a wedding, which I didn’t find out until later), but without their immense financial help, following God’s call to “go to Liberty & get a Business Marketing degree” would have been made not impossible, but much more challenging.

Along the way, my parents would also cover much of my car & health insurance costs, to be repaid after I graduated.

The Summer after College

Well, here I was, graduated, & I now had this decently sized sum of money I now needed to repay, consisting of all of the bills my parents had covered on my behalf until I could reimburse them, PLUS their desire for me to move out on my own asap to begin my life as an adult.

But there was one little problem–I didn’t have a job.

So began my hunt for a job.

God Kept Closing Doors & I Didn’t Understand Why

The hunt for a job did not go as expected. After months of searching, either I would get no positive response or I would feel the intangible wall, as if God were putting a mental blockade up, a complete lack of peace, as if to say, “thou shalt not pass.”

It was frustrating & confusing because it didn’t make sense, & quite frankly made me look bad to my parents I felt. I really wanted to impress them & I could not get a job no matter how much I prayed or searched. And when something DID get positive feedback, it was as if God always said “no.”

Sometimes Where God Leads Makes No Sense to Me

But why would God do that? God knew I owed money. God knew it made me look like a freeloader who had no plans of ever getting a job. God knew it made me look bad.

Wouldn’t He want me to pay off my debt & honor my parents’ wishes for me to move out? Wouldn’t He NOT want me to be an extra cause of stress on them? Why was He not honoring this request in helping me get a job ASAP?

It didn’t make any sense to me. I wanted to be responsible. I wanted to do the right thing. I wanted to pay my debt. I didn’t understand.

God’s Conviction When I Held Back for Myself

Then, there was one day, as I was reading my Bible before bed, that I came across these 2 annoying little verses, in Proverbs 3:27-28:

“Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in the power of your hand to do so. Do not say to your neighbor, “Go, and come back, and tomorrow I will give it,” When you have it with you.”

Uggggh.

You see, I had a small savings account in my name with a few hundred dollars in it that I had been using for small comforts to still go to a movie here & there with friends or go for fast food (a certain “Mexican food” one, I might add), or get gas… but mainly, I was holding onto it just in case I had car troubles because “it’s wise to keep back up money in case that happens.” Because, well, it is wise… but God was making it clear to my heart right then that the money really didn’t belong to me & I needed to first honor my parents with the commitment I had made to them, versus riding comfortably on my buffer account.

So, I transferred every bit of it to my parents to bring down my debt, leaving only a full gas tank to go on from there forward.

God Provides as We Trust in Him

But a funny thing happened… I didn’t get a job that whole summer—but God provided for me every step of the way.

Doors would shut or God would block peace in my heart, as if to say, “trust me here… don’t take it, no matter how tempting it may be. Just trust Me & follow my lead.”

As I trusted Him in His NO for a steady income, God did something else pretty spectacular.

Every time I had a bill come due, sometimes seemingly out of the blue I would receive a babysitting job, a housesitting job, a mowing job, or some other thing that would cover the entirety of my bill & any leftovers would go to my parents (minus $20 for a new tank of gas).

God provided every single time… on time.

It Required Sacrifice, But God Provided My Needs

My life didn’t look the way I envisioned it after just graduating. I couldn’t go out to dinner with friends or see movies, but God allowed me to have fun with friends in other ways, like movie rentals or games or trips to the mall, where I didn’t have to spend money.

It was challenging to have to say no to fun activities, but I understood that until I cleared accounts with my parents & released them from that… the money wasn’t mine anyway.

I needed to honor God first & my financial commitments as well, even if it made life “less fun.”

Not only did I pay every incoming bill ON TIME… I also paid off ALL of my debt to my parents.

God Taught Me to Trust Him First… Money & Financial Security Second

And once my debt was paid in full, a job came.

It was as if God was saying to me, “I just needed you to learn that if you are seeking to honor & obey my lead, as much as it may seem to lack sense, I will provide for your needs.”

“Therefore, do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ … For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” (Matthew 6:31-33)

This is not to say, “I am going to avoid getting a job, do whatever I want, & trust that God knows my needs & will provide for me anyway,” but rather a call to trust that as we are seeking to obey & trust God’s lead, we don’t need to be distracted with worry about our needs that God knows about & promises to supply as we follow HIS lead.

In Whatever State I’m In…

As I mentioned, trusting Him with finances may mean sacrifices to your ideal lifestyle, but it will be one blessed by His care & lead.

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:11-13)

That Summer, I got just a taste of being in need, but I also got a taste of God’s careful provision as I learn to trust in Him no matter my circumstances & to honor Him with my choices, even when it’s not so easy to do so. And if I obey Him in this & seek to honor Him in this… He will always provide for me.

Where Are Your Worries? Where Is Your Trust Placed?

Do you will to trust God’s lead when it means living less than you imagined? Are you willing to let God call the shots, even if it means some sacrifice to that ideal? Are you willing to honor Him & your commitments first, even when it isn’t easy? Are you willing to trust God to provide for you?

“Thank You, Lord, for helping me grow out of my fear of lack… for showing me that as long as I am trusting You & letting You lead me, even if You don’t provide in the conventional ways, like providing me a secure job, You WILL provide my needs. Thank You, LORD!”

Shine HOPE, by doing what honors Him, even when it’s hard, & letting Him lead, even when it doesn’t make any sense to you… trusting God to always provide for your needs.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over 5.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Ziva Earrings (INDIA)

These stunning, mixed metal Ziva Earrings feature a gold-tone lined bar frame with faceted, silver-tone beads in the middle. Creating a beautiful fair-trade fashion statement, these earrings are perfect for holiday events!

*****Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages in areas of extreme poverty where vulnerable women are often exploited by sweatshops.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

The Night It All Began

I believe it was December 22 when the cough began, because that night I had a rough time of trying to sleep. I remember waking up in the early morning needing to use the restroom but had felt what I thought was my asthma the day before, so I didn’t want to get up for fear of triggering any coughing.

I prayed about it, asking God if I could have peace about getting up or if I should just try to go back to sleep & deal with my bladder in the morning so to make sure I wouldn’t disrupt my opportunity for more sleep that night.

Well, I felt peace about it, so I decided to get up to use the restroom, but when I crawled back in bed, the coughing fits kicked in & my sleep was no more.

Since then, I have wondered why God would give me peace about getting up, only to allow that to be my result, but let’s move on with this Christmas that didn’t go the way I hoped it would.

It Started Off So Well

Now, the whole previous week, my husband & I had the privilege to do something we had never done—Tokyo Disney during Christmastime. It was a fun trip with many happy memories & above & beyond blessings from God.

But, upon the morning of December 23, after a long uncomfortable night of coughing fits, it was now time to gear up to leave for home.

Maybe you might wonder why we didn’t decorate, or wrap presents before our trip, seeing as how we would arrive home at 2am on Christmas Eve following our Red Eye trip back, but let’s just say that not only was it a last-minute decision, but I had been sick, preventing clean up from both my birthday & Thanksgiving prep, making for much recovery needed in our home before leaving.

Our plan was to arrive home around 3am, sleep until Christmas Eve service at 10:45am, run by the store for a rotisserie chicken & some hashbrowns for next morning’s breakfast & dinner. Then come home to wrap presents. Jamie would decorate (usually his much appreciated contribution) while I would prepare food for Christmas day. I would bake cookies from a premade package. We would listen to Christmas music. And then we would drive to look at lights & go to dinner.

It was the perfect plan that never happened.

The First Crumbling of Our Dream Plan Begins

So, the morning of the 23^rd comes & let’s just say that neither of us were in a good mood. The day was not sunshine & rainbows. We were ready to go home.

Well, my cough worsens, to the point that I actually felt a little concerned about my breathing ability, wondering if I should attempt seeking medical help in a foreign country, but in true ME fashion, I didn’t want to bother with all of that fuss, so I just tried to make the most of it & get through it as uncomfortable as I was.

So, after my headache meds kicked in, as my insane amount of coughing had jostled my brain to feeling like someone had taken a jackhammer to it, I finally felt some semblance of normalcy & relief.

But that was not to last long.

Feeling Absolutely Crummy & Dampening the Day of Everyone Around Me

Between the constantly reoccurring coughing fits & the subsequent splitting headaches, I was just feeling done… & sluggish… & worried about potentially not being able breathe at any given moment… cough drops did nothing & my cough seemed to laugh at my inhaler… plus a notable lack of sleep the night before… let’s just say that I wasn’t feeling too great.

I wanted to be home, where I could feel physically miserable in private.

… Not the disgusted side glances. Not making people around me feel uncomfortable. Not blasting through others’ attempts at conversation. Not making people sitting near me get up a move to a new seat across the room. Not being persistently physically uncomfortable everywhere I went.

I wanted privacy in my misery.

The Punch to My Gut When I Was Already Struggling So Much

Well, after a day of this, the time of our flight arrived, only to board the plane, get to the runway, & have to turn back because something “wasn’t seeming right & they wanted to have it checked.”

So, we returned to the gate & had to sit on the plane for about an hour or more, only to hear the words over the intercom, “unfortunately, we cannot get approval to take off, so someone will be boarding soon to give you your options.”

NOT what I wanted to hear on Christmas Eve Eve & NOT what I wanted to hear in the current physical state I was in.

Our flight was canceled.

Our flight was the last one out for the evening.

It felt like a punch to the gut.

It Gets Worse

Proceed with about 4.5 hours of waiting for answers, waiting in line, being told hotels were hard to find & so were flights. (Jamie got online, thankfully, & booked himself just in case, rather than risking this—thank You, God, for nudging him to do this!) Then we’re told they’re closing the airport & kicking us out. More lines. Customs & immigration again. More lines waiting for reimbursement paperwork they could have just handed out. Then another line in the bitter cold (with a cough) for a taxi to a hotel for the night.

The aches had begun & at this point my whole body hurt. Standing in hour long lines several times when you’re really achy & sore all over is not my definition of fun.

We got to the hotel an hour after we were supposed to be home from our flight.

So much for our Christmas Eve Christmas prep plans. Our new flight was set to get us home at about 5pm on Christmas Eve.

It Was One Hard Night

Cue an entire night of coughing, no warm clothes because our luggage had been retained & we had dressed for a flight back to tropical weather. And no inhaler. And no cold meds, either.

Oh, & for risk of tmi, I may have peed myself about a million times because of my coughing fits & had nothing to change into, so I had that going for me, too… sitting in that, sleeping in that… & a whole other day in that. Just… gross.

I basically spent the night in the bathtub, refreshing the hot water every once in a while, to ease my aches & provide steam for my lungs to relax. I was a prune in the morning.

Merry Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve begins. The aches are worse. My cough is worse (to the point of a bad fit requiring me to briskly walk to the lobby bathroom at the hotel while we awaited the airport shuttle, so I could lean over a public toilet & throw up several times). Still sitting in my own pee. Plus, very little sleep AGAIN.

It’s safe to say I cried (as discreetly as I could) several times that day.

Well, as if the aches & the bad coughing fits & feeling gross weren’t enough, the crazy chills & incessant needing to blow my nose began. I was physically so weak & in constant pain all over & annoying everyone around me & freezing cold shaking.

Yeah, I cried a lot yesterday.

The Delays Seemed to Never End… Was Our Flight Getting Canceled AGAIN?

But it didn’t end there… unfortunately.

Our flight was delayed 3 hours.

Then another 2 hours. Plane is late.

Then another hour. New flight crew is needed to arrive.

It really felt like we were never going home, like they were just stringing us along for an eventual repeated canceled flight.

At this point, I was seriously expecting a riot, looking around for security nearby because people had started yelling & cussing out staff, saying, “I don’t want free WATER… I want to go HOME!!!” (Except with expletives added.)

I could relate to their feelings of desperation. I just really, really wanted to go home.

Then ANOTHER 30-minute delay… to brief new crew & prepare the plane.

Hope, But One of the Hardest Flights

We finally got on the plane, only to sit on the plane for maybe another hour. I was sitting there waiting for it to all fall apart again somehow.

But… we were cleared & took off! Yay! But we had warnings of turbulence announced to us a majority of the flight. (Which, thankfully, wasn’t very much at all, for which my motion-sickness self was so appreciative!)

I was the most physically miserable at this point. Crazy achiness, chills, coughing, blowing my nose constantly, feeling like a nuisance, in & out of consciousness (which I was so grateful for some sleep at least, even if choppy & inconsistent). I didn’t know how I would make it because I was that uncomfortable & hurting so much, but I had no choice… it was the only way home.

A Not So Merry Christmas

And finally, FINALLY, we arrived back on Guam at 12am Christmas morning.

Merry Christmas.

Well, I was grateful to have gotten a full night’s sleep last night, & that I am feeling a little better, & that my aches & chills have subsided & that I could change my clothes & shower… but I am definitely sick… & Jamie woke up feeling sick, too.

Merry Christmas.

No special Christmas Eve service. No wrapped gifts. No tree. No decorations. No baked cookies. No Christmas breakfast ready to pop in the oven. No special Christmas dinner (cue frozen lasagna). No merriment. Just 2 sick people in pjs, staying in bed most of the day because we just don’t have the energy to move anymore.

Merry Christmas.

God Gave Me Some Perspective

But I think back to 2 nights ago, in the hotel, when I felt so awful, crying in the bathtub so I wouldn’t keep Jamie up all night with my coughs… praying & asking God… WHY?

“God, why? Why did You give me peace to get up that night? You knew it would trigger my coughs, prevent sleep, & set me up on a weak beginning for a super hard day. Why did You allow that to happen to me? I know You love me, so I don’t understand why You could do that.”

And the answer came like a gentle, gracious breeze over my heart… a reminder that the original Christmas was not bright colored wrapping paper or holiday jingles or all about feel-good moments.

My God, Jesus, came to be born in a stable…. (Luke 2:12)

God, Who held all glory & power & majesty, chose to be born in a stable as a human being, surrounded by farm animals, dirty shepherds, & sheep.

He Came for Me… For You

And not only that, but He came to seek & to save the lost (Luke 19:10)… by giving His life for us. (Romans 5:8)

“In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” (1 John 4:9-10)

“For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” (John 3:17)

“For unto us a Child is born, Unto us a Son is given; And the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” (Isaiah 9:6)

“This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief.” (1 Timothy 1:15)

He Suffered Far Beyond What I Suffered for Me… for You

He was rejected by the very people He created & knit together. (Isaiah 53; Psalm 139:13-16)

He was rejected by the very people He came to save, being led like a lamb to the slaughter… for which He responded so graciously by saying, “Lord, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34)

The reminder was clear: Jesus’ life & death was much more difficult than my miserable last 48 hours… & He endured it all with gentle, willing, gracious, loving patience for ME… for YOU… to save us from the wrath of God, the consequences for our sin.

Imagine never feeling physical pain because You are GOD & yet willingly being born as a man in order to die for our sins to offer us LIFE.

Merry Christmas

This Christmas may seem empty & void of any Christmas spirit, food, or festivities, with 2 sick people bed-ridden in an undecorated home… but I am so thankful He got me through the last 2 miserable days because boy were they HARD like I have not known hard for a good long while.

Thank You, God, for getting me through the last 2 days. I was in so much pain & I was shaking so hard & coughing so much that I didn’t know if I could make it. Thank You for the sweet relief of sleeping in & out of the flight. Thank You for keeping the motion sickness away. Thank You for the extra chance to get an extra crème brulé latte & their quiche which is one of my favorites. Thank You for nudging Jamie to be proactive & book a hotel & new flight while waiting in line so we had somewhere to sleep that wasn’t too far away. Thank You for the graciousness of the taxi line letting us cut because they saw I was struggling so much with my cough in the bitter cold. Thank You Lord for those sweet intermissions of relief I was able to experience so I could be encouraged to keep going. Thank You for getting us HOME!

And thank You for being willing to endure much worse… for me who deserves so little… for all who believe on You as their hope & salvation.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

When Christmas Doesn’t Go the Way You Hope It Will

Is this how I wanted to spend Christmas? Sick in bed after all that? No. But honestly, I am so grateful to finally be home that not much else matters really… & when I consider how Jesus went through much worse for me? It’s hard to complain about my really hard 2 days + a sick day in bed for Christmas… even when Christmas doesn’t go the way you hope it will.

Shine HOPE by remembering all that Jesus willingly endured on our behalf, starting with His humble original Christmas.

Merry Christmas, & to all a good night.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Bumblebee Backpack (GUATEMALA)

LIMITED EDITION – Available While Supplies Last! Handcrafted in Guatemala, every 100% cotton Bumblebee Backpack features a drawstring closure and adorable yellow and black “rick rack” trim to create the striped pattern you see. The Bumblebee Backpack even features two adorable white wings!

*****This drawstring backpack creates jobs that help moms in Guatemala send their kids to school! Every purchase supports women in areas of extreme poverty in Guatemala.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

The Little Nudge That Wouldn’t Budge

About 4 years after I graduated high school, having completed 1+ years in community college, working at a job I enjoyed, promises of a promotion in the near future… God disrupted all my plans with a little nudge I couldn’t seem to shake away… a nudge to “go to Liberty University & get a Business Marketing degree.”

I didn’t understand where that had come from & I don’t know how to explain it other than the fact that I had this very strong inclination that I was supposed to “go to Liberty University & get a Business Marketing degree.”

But I was getting promoted… without any degree.

I was succeeding… without any degree.

So… I wasn’t so convinced that this wasn’t just a subconscious thing because I had always wanted to go to a university & live in dorms & all that.

So… as anything else I’m unsure of, I prayed & asked God for confirmation. Yet this time, I decided not to tell a soul about it for 3 months, as I sought God’s confirmation first.

I Wanted to be Sure Who Was Leading My Heart

I didn’t want to be influenced by, “Oh yes, you definitely should!” or “but how much money will that cost?” comments or perspectives. I only wanted God’s opinion.

Because I knew that if God indeed was leading this I wanted to KNOW it was Him rather than confuse it with hype from friends or family… if it was indeed God leading this, I knew He would somehow provide the funds & way forward despite any odds.

Well, the peace became more & more cemented the longer I prayed about it… as if it was becoming more of a certainty than a question or a doubt.

So, after 3 months of feeling absolutely sure I had full peace about it, I told my parents & God paved the way forward for me to finally see my dream come true of living in a dorm & having the “college experience.”

I started at Liberty University in the Fall of 2007 as an almost 24-year old sophomore.

So Many Blessings from My College Days

I can’t go into every blessing those years at Liberty brought me, including my many wonderful friends that felt like family–as the happy memories themselves would fill a book’s pages, so I will try to hone in on some profound moments, pivotal moments that shifted my perspective, as led by God’s leading.

I have already mentioned the breeze He brought on a particularly discouraging & frazzled morning, while standing at the bus stop—late for class. (Chapter 4)

I have already mentioned in blog posts past about a question my one particular friend used to frequently ask, which made me SO uncomfortable (because I felt put on the spot), but when asked so regularly, became the catalyst for me always having that mindset in my day-to-day: “What has God been teaching you lately?” (So blessed by that frequently asked question from my friend!)

The Inconvenient God-Orchestrated Blessings

I have probably ALSO talked about in blog posts past how, when I was on student leadership my senior year, God taught me to always rely on Him more than on my own schedule/responsibilities/routines.

For example: Big test, Big paper, Big presentation happening the next morning/afternoon… not enough time to prep alongside all of my other responsibilities as a senior… but one of several different girls on my hall would knock on my dorm door & upon opening, I would see tears in their eyes as they asked to talk.

Now, human me went into a full inner panic every single time because my options seemed to be: A) Sound like a jerk & say, “sorry, I don’t have time for you,” or, B) Risk FAILING.

But, in the middle of my selfish, short-sighted panic… I would stop & pray & ask God for wisdom on what I ought to choose & how to choose it.

And every time, the nudge was always the same: “What do you think matters most to Me? Your grade… or this young lady’s heart who is standing in front of you with tears in her eyes?”

*Deep (inaudible) sigh* was always my response, along with a silent, “Okay God, I hear You. I will just have to trust You to take care of the rest because I want to choose what honors You most here.”

I would put my studying, editing, or rehearsing/memorizing aside & welcome the young lady in for a chat, some counsel, some prayer, & a hug. And whenever this happened, I always had complete peace that this was what God had planned for me that evening all along & I was always glad I obeyed, despite my trepidations.

God Took Care of the Rest

And guess what… Every. Single. Time. God would come through on the other end.

Either I would have an unexpected quiet lunch & would now have unplanned extra time to adequately prepare, or the professor was out & rescheduled, or I was later on the schedule for presentations & would have another couple days to prepare, or the test would be easier than I ever anticipated & the extra studying would have been wasted unbeknownst to me!

God has a plan beyond what I can see, every single time.

The Infamous Test

Then there came the test. THE test. The test that counted for a ridiculously terrifyingly large amount of my semester grade for my capstone course.

Tests come easily to me typically. I am good at memorizing short term. I am good at focusing in when needed. Tests are usually a fun opportunity for praise & affirmation that I understand the material well enough. (If you are not a great test taker, please don’t hate me. Trust me, there are plenty of other things I am AWFUL at.)

But this test. THIS test scared me… mainly because my professor scared me a bit. That class frequently kept me on my toes, for sure..

The class was more complex & this teacher had a reputation for not playing around. His assignments were always challenging & thought-provoking, stretching your abilities & always leaving you feeling like you always should have prepared just a little bit more than you did.

I Studied Harder Than I EVER Had Before

So, I took this test VERY seriously. I studied SO HARD. Like, look up & take practice tests, go through every highlighted section of every chapter, study through every page of your notes, look more up on the topic to solidify your understanding… type of studying.

This was beyond normal for me. I always took my good-test-taking ability for granted. I would study, but more as a review than a panic. But this test was the monster of tests, in a challenging class, with a tough professor, that counted for a HUGE part of my grade… so I STUDIED.

The day of posted grades came.

I signed in so fast, heart racing, eager to be relieved that once again, I had nothing to worry about.

And as I scrolled to view the grade, anticipation mounting significantly… my eyes landed on the grade & my jaw dropped & the world seemed to stop to a dead halt.

47%.

The Shock

47%?

47%!!!!!!?

I felt like the room began to spin. I sat down on the floor, having the dorm room to myself, stared at nothing, & just began to cry into my hands, embarrassment & shame & devastation settling onto my shoulders like a weight I could not bear.

How?! Why?! What did I do wrong?!

My parents knew how hard I had prepared… how was I supposed to “excitedly call to announce another win after such diligent preparation” when I had gotten a 47%?!?!?

I was SO upset. I felt so embarrassed to have worked harder than I had EVER worked for a test in my entire life, only to be rewarded with SUCH a terrible grade.

How humiliating!

What God Had to Say

And so, I prayed: “God, WHAT HAPPENED!? You saw how HARD I worked for this! I did not take it for granted that I’m good at tests! I studied! HARD! What happened? What am I supposed to tell my parents? What am I supposed to tell my classmates? My friends who knew how hard I had worked on this? I am so embarrassed & humiliated. What happened???”

And after several minutes of this blubbering, despairing, embarrassed sob-praying… I felt His answer come over my heart with both convicting truth & comforting gentleness: “Who are you doing this for? For your parents? For your sense of pride & accomplishment? Or for Me?”

Boy did that hit me hard in the gut. The first 2 for sure… but for Him? Nope. Not really.

I wanted my parents to be proud of me. I wanted them to want to gush about me, or at least know they had reason to. I wanted to prove to them that I could do it & that I could be successful out on my own without their help padding anything. I wanted to prove myself.

I wanted to feel proud of myself. I wanted the praise & recognition & accolades. I wanted the good reputation of being a great student. I wanted to swell with confidence in myself & my own abilities & accomplishments.

But nowhere in my heart, aside from the very fact of me being there as God had led me, did I consider working as unto Him & not for myself or others.

God Has a Plan Beyond What I Can See

And right then, realization started to flood my thoughts:

1. For all I knew, God had brought me here to find my future husband & this was just how He got me here.
2. For all I knew, God had brought me here because there was a life lesson I needed to learn through someone here & this was just how He got me where I needed to be.
3. For all I knew, God had brought me here because He knew someone here needed Him & I was His messenger right for the task.
4. For all I knew, God bringing me to Liberty University for a Business Marketing degree had nothing to do with the course itself, but the lessons about life it would teach me, that He knew I would need for another life assignment later in life.
5. For all I knew, me being here at Liberty, by God’s design, had nothing to do with the classwork, but the people I would meet along the way.

And for me to assume anything differently is to say I think I know well enough on my own & to say that God is so limited by what I see right in front of me, in my own human understanding. Ouch.

I needed to understand that God has a plan beyond what I can see right in front of me.

Work As Unto the Lord, Not Man (Not Self)

How humbling a thought.

God knows why He has me here right now–with these particular people in these particular circumstances.

I see my marriage, my job, my simple interactions & think to myself “that is that.”

But God has a plan beyond what I can see.

That is why I must determine to work as unto the Lord & not man.

That is why I must fear the Lord my God AS GOD, recognizing I am far from it!

That is why I must trust His nudgings more than my own logic, perception, or circumstances.

Because God sees beyond what I see. He sees every ripple effect. He hears every silent plea that I don’t hear. He knows all & how it all fits together.

I don’t.

What Is Your Why?

“And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men….” (Colossians 3:23)

“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:31)

What’s your motivation? Who are you relying on? Do you trust God more… or yourself?

Who are you striving for?

This may sound intimidating, until you think about our last chapter here (Chapter 10). It’s not dependent on us being good enough, but on a heart willing to let God be God & let God lead & let God supply. He does the rest. Are you willing? Start there.

Shine Hope by trusting His lead always, understanding that you ought to work as unto the LORD & not man, knowing God always has a plan beyond what you can ever see.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Cranberry Spice Candle (USA)

LIMITED EDITION – Available While Supplies Last! Handcrafted in Wisconsin, USA, these candles connect women survivors of sexual exploitation to safe housing, meaningful work and a healing network of support. The Cranberry Spice Candle comes in an adorable, shallow gold-tone candle tin and has a festive, comforting scent that is perfect to gift to a loved one this holiday season!

*****Every purchase of the Cranberry Spice Candle creates jobs for women in the United States.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

They Just Seem “Better Equipped” Than ME

I don’t know about you, but growing up, I would look at my Christian leaders—Sunday school teachers, Youth Pastor, deacons, authors, speakers, & the pastor himself, & think they held those positions because they were a cut above the rest… that they were “extra spiritual people.” Am I alone in this?

Now, keep in mind that back then I only read snippets of the Bible whether looking up in my concordance for relevant truth to whatever I was currently dealing with, memorizing specific verses at church, going through a topical Bible study, or even sermons on Sunday mornings (& other services throughout the week). AKA I didn’t have the full context of Who God is.

So, even though, as you read through the Bible, it is blatantly obvious that the people written about in the Bible were FAR from the perfect examples to emulate & FAR from even being courageous, super spiritual people… it didn’t quite click.

I wanted to serve God, sure, but I thought that was reserved for people much more spiritual than me.

God Can Work through Anyone

Well, as I shared over the last 2 chapters, with purging things like music that I was turning to instead of to God in times of trouble (validation versus trusting God could be enough for me) (Chapter 8) & how I was retaliated against by a demon because Satan DID NOT like that I was putting full faith in God versus anything BUT (Chapter 9)…. As I continued my journey through the book my friend & I were reading through together—“Authentic Beauty, by Leslie Ludy”— at the time that spurned all of that… God taught me something pretty crazy important.

He taught me that God can work through anyone.

The Heroes of the Bible Were Just as Flawed as Me

It becomes a little more “DUH” to me now that I have been reading through the Bible pretty consistently (more on how that came to be in another chapter because at this point in my life—early 20’s, I hadn’t gotten there in my growth yet).

I mean, how can it not be so incredibly obvious when you look at unwilling Moses with his “please send someone else” speech troubles & fear (Exodus 4:13)—oh yeah, & he felt so desperate to right the wrongs done against his people that he killed an Egyptian in his anger way before God even called him? (Exodus 2:11-15) Or how about David sleeping with another man’s wife & then having her husband killed to cover up his shame? (2 Samuel 11) OUCH. Or Abraham & his wife thinking they would “help God keep his promise of an heir” by agreeing he should sleep with their servant AKA sin against God? (Genesis 16:1-5) Or Jonah straight up RUNNING away because he didn’t want to listen to God? (Jonah 1:1-3) Or Gideon hiding in a cave & asking MULTIPLE times for confirmation because he was so scared to obey God? (Judges 6:11-40)

I mean, the list can go on for quite some time & these are all people we can wrongly tend to put up on a pedestal. Key words: these are all PEOPLE.

They’re all PEOPLE. They’re not GOD.

If We’re All Flawed, Sinful Human Beings… How Can God Use Any of Us?

So, then, if we all share the common denominator of being merely human, with all of our shared flaws, weaknesses, sins, insecurities, fears, etc. then how can ANY of us be used by God?

Because if God calls us to do something in obedience to Him, He is not relying on YOU being enough for it, because He knows HE IS. You can be sure that wherever He calls you to obey Him, He will be the One to supply your needs to accomplish it.

God worked the miracles for Moses. God parted the Red Sea. God gave Moses the words to say. God gave Moses a partner to assist him through his apprehensions & fears. God led them through the wilderness. God guided them to the promised land. God fought for them. (Exodus 3; Exodus 14)

He directed Jonah, knowing the people would repent if warned. He patiently KEPT directing Jonah in his disobedience because He cared too much for the evil Ninevites to let them pay what Jesus would cover if they were to repent & turn to God from their many sins. (Jonah 4)

He forgave David & was the One who worked through this sinful man’s life. Despite all of his very human, sinful failures, he kept coming back to God, trusting God above his complete unworthiness. (2 Samuel 12:1-15; also, see many Psalms where David repents & turns to rely on God)

Then there is God working through Abraham despite his lack of faith & answering Gideon’s many requests for confirmation to patiently act in long-suffering gentleness toward his many fears.

I mean, PAUL?! Enough said about Him. (Acts 26:9-31)

It’s not the heroes written of in the Bible who hold the power for change through ministry orchestrated by God, it’s God Himself!

They All Served the Same Great God

Having that experience with that demon that I talked about last week REALLY sealed that understanding in my brain, but it kept developing as I learned more about God’s servants that did GREAT things, not because they were great, but because they all served the same GREAT GOD.

So, consider me writing these chapters, week-by-week to you, my readers. I am NO different. I am HUMAN.

Do you know how many weeks I have to scrape myself off the floor, so to speak, because I feel SO opposed to getting off my lazy butt & getting to the editing even? If you follow me on social media, you have surely seen my posts/prayers asking for God’s help through my self-centered rebellious tendencies to avoid this part of the process.

I like choosing ME. I like choosing COMFORT. I am SELFISH. That is the real me.

I have sass & am stubborn (my mom can attest to this from my childhood). Working for the LORD requires me to DIE to myself… to lay down WANTS for HIM.… To accept that where I lack, I don’t have to quit & run because I can stop & turn to Him for help to get me through it with His wisdom, encouragement, courage, & peace. I can rely on this same great God that the heroes of the Bible served & lived for!

Grace, by Definition, Is Underserved

This phrase came to me sometime in the last year or so as I was praying over how I could possibly obey His command to extend grace to a fellow Christian who was very unkind to me consistently for months. His response to those prayers? “Michelle, grace, by definition, is undeserved.”

I will say it again, “Grace, by definition, is undeserved.” My grace-filled life is not a claim to a rosy-glassed life, but rather despite my flesh that constantly rears up to war with my soul, God continues to be my Enough. He continues to suffer long with me. He continues to HELP me submit to Him, even when it makes me uncomfortable to admit as to how little willpower & a desire to submit to Him comes naturally to me.

So, after that demon experience, after finishing this “Authentic Beauty” book with my dear friend, I realized that my desire to serve God did not have to end with my endless inadequacies….

… Because any work He would call me to all depended on HIM anyway.

And He was (is) ALWAYS enough.

My Precious “Lilies for the Lord”

So, birthed from these realizations, I jumped headfirst into every ministry opportunity God placed on my heart, beginning with a small group of middle school girls that will always hold a special place in my heart, long after they’ve forgotten all about me.

“Lilies for the Lord” was my first ministry back around 2006/2007. A group of about 7 middle schoolers, all friends of my baby sister from various activities she participated in. Even back then, my heart cry was to design & run my own website for those too scared to openly ask questions, where they would have support even if their family wasn’t supportive of their search for hope in Jesus Christ. I didn’t know where to begin, but look how far GOD has brought me all these years later!

We met at my parents’ house, I believe every other week. (Friday maybe?)

There was a memory verse each meet, a white board with next week’s verse, sometimes a small craft, & a Bible lesson. We also did prayer journaling times where they could go to a corner alone & write out their personal prayers to God, practicing intentionally turning to God in prayer.

It Wasn’t a “Spot That Needed Filling in a Church Ministry” but a Proclamation That, as a Girl in My 20’s, Their Walk with & Hope in God Was What Mattered Most

Once a quarter, we did a sleepover with either a movie theater field trip or laser tag or something of the like. Then followed with games & maybe pizza & snacks & cartoons & nail painting.

I also tried to do an occasional outreach with them to help them think outwardly versus just their own thoughts, wants, & life. This included a full feast for a pastor’s wife who had a major surgery & was bedridden during recovery & another time we made a bunch of cookies, included a verse of encouragement on each plate & asked for names from their parents of families who were having a rough Christmas that year due to loss or injury or health issues, went to their houses together, sang carols, & delivered cookies.

My heart was to teach them that investing in their lives & faith mattered to me. Not because I was signed up to help at church because they had a spot to fill, but because ME, a servant of God, CARED ABOUT THEM & their walk with God Almighty.

To teach them that purity mattered. That compromises always led to pain, even if not realized until years later (more on this in an upcoming chapter).

To teach them that their walk with God & their worship of Him & their obedience to Him was the MOST important thing they could pursue in their entire lifetime.

I Serve a Great God Who Does Not Give Up on Comfort-Seeking Me

I’m not saying all of this so you can “Ooooh” & “Ahhhh” at me, praising me, just as I am sure the disciples of Jesus would be offended at being worshipped rather than directing that worship to the one they gave their lives for.

I’m saying all of this because I want you to see that it is NOT ME. I am NOT super special, super spiritual.

I am just a regular, sin-torn, fleshly human woman who naturally gravitates toward HERSELF, but who has seen God be her ENOUGH in all of her lack. All of MY lack.

It All Starts with a Willingness–“Here I am, LORD. Send Me.”

A willingness to say to God, “Here I am, God. Send me. I don’t know how. I don’t know what to do or say or how to possibly get it done because it’s ME we’re talking about here. But I want to obey You. I want to serve You. Show me where. Show me what I can do for You. And show me that You’re my enough for it every step of the way as I lean into You for help every step of the way. You. Are. My. Enough. Here I am, LORD, send me.”

Are you willing to trust HIM to use your life to bless others & point to Him all along the journey? Then be willing to pray & ask for God to show you how He can use your life, too, with His help.

He won’t hesitate to use a willing heart to shine hope to those around them.

Shine HOPE by being willing to live for Him, knowing He’s the One to fill in your gaps where you lack. Because we ALL lack. But He doesn’t.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Silver Labradorite Set (EAST ASIA & INDIA)

LIMITED EDITION – Available While Supplies Last! Save $9.95 when you pair the Tortoise Textured Hoops with the Silver Labradorite Bracelet to create a complete fair-trade look! It’s perfect for gifting or styling yourself! Beautifully textured, the Tortoise Textured Hoops have a mirror effect that makes the bright silver color shine! The dainty details of this Silver Labradorite Bracelet will bring an elegant look to your ethical style with its silver and labradorite beads and one silver tube bead.

*****Every purchase creates necessary jobs for women in India & helps rescue women from brothels in East Asia.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Paranoia & Chronic Nightmares

I had always been a paranoid kid, & that trait followed me as I got older.

I don’t know if it was the scary audiotapes my friends pressured me into listening to at sleepovers in 4^th grade or the occasional scary movie my friend would “trick” me into seeing by saying, “it’s not that scary, don’t worry.”

Or maybe it was the chronic nightmares I had as a kid–always the same dream with minor variations—all leading to death.

Whatever the cause, I was always a very paranoid person.

Forget walking down a dark street… or even a dark hallway. Nuh-uh. NOPE.

I would get chills, like someone was watching me… like evil was lurking around every corner.

It probably didn’t help that I was addicted to young adult murder mystery books, either. Nancy Drew, anyone?

But here I was, a paranoid person… & in one night, all of that changed.

I Asked God to Try My Faith…

The night of my burning ceremony (see last chapter for the full story: Chapter 8), & deciding that I no longer wanted to rely on anything else for validation… not music that made me feel validated for deep feelings of pain that made no sense to me… not ex-boyfriend notes that made me feel seen/worthy of love… not accolades from years past that made me feel good enough… just Jesus…. That night changed my life forever.

If you remember from last chapter, in my journal, where I was supposed to be going through the PDF of possible strongholds & jotting notes & prayers & verses that came to mind as I worked through them… all I could get myself to write were 2 little verses:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23-24)

“try me….”

Paranoia & Fear = A Weak Point in My Trust of God Almighty

You see, my paranoia & fear really showed that I believed, deep down, that dark forces (demons) could get me, when I should have been repenting of that lack of trust in God’s power reigning supreme & asking God to help me live as a conqueror in Him.

My paranoia displayed where I lacked trust in God Almighty to be Enough for me.

And that night, I would learn how GOD ALMIGHTY measured up to the dark demonic forces I feared so much.

The Night That Shook My World & Shifted My Perspective

I went to bed that night like any other night… probably still riding the high from our time at the park & making such a bold & firm decision to trust God above all else as my comfort & my hope.

You can guess that Satan did not very much like this decision.…

Well, the high didn’t last long. I drifted off to sleep & once again had another nightmare. Only, this time, when I woke up, the most terrifying thing happened that I have ever experienced in my life.

Paralysis Greeted Me When I Woke Up This Time

It was my habit, that when I woke up from my nightmares, very much feeling like it was about to happen in real life, I would bang on the wall & call for help because I thought we were actually in danger & I needed to warn everyone to protect them… to protect myself.

But sometimes, I would experience something called sleep paralysis, I believe is what it is called. Basically, when you wake up, you cannot move.

And this particular night, following my nightmare start from sleep, I could not move. My body was stiff & rigid & I could not even lift my arms up off the bed. I was seemingly pinned down by an invisible force. And when I tried to call for help… I found I could not speak… no sound came out no matter how desperately I tried.…

And That’s When I Saw It…

And as my eyes darted around my room, recovering from the nightmare that felt like it was real, trying to figure out how to call for help, my eyes landed on a dark black hovering shape between my bed & a window with moonlight pouring in. It was a very defined, very definite floating cloud of blackness.

And then, the voice. Inside my head. That was not my own voice. Dark. Deep. Menacing. A cruel, mocking male voice.

“You can’t move….” (mocking laughter) “You’re trapped & you can’t defend yourself, can you?” “Where is your big God now?” “He’s not going to help you.” “You’re all alone. With me. And I am going to take over you & you won’t be able to stop me.” (more sinister laughs, mocking me)

My Cry for Help

I tried with all my might to bang on that wall. I still couldn’t move.

I tried to scream for help. Still no words would come out. I was frozen & mute. I was trapped.

I started to cry & pray for help.

“God isn’t going to help you. Do you see Him anywhere? No. He’s not coming. You’re alone. I have control. No one is going to help you. Ha, ha, ha, ha. No one is going to help you. There is no hope. I’m in control now.” All inside my own thoughts, but not my own voice… a menacing male voice, his cackling rattling inside my brain.

I begged God to help me as I strained against the paralysis & eventually, an arm… just one arm… broke loose & I banged on the wall over & over & over again, still mute, but praying, BEGGING God to help me.

I Had Never Felt Terror Like This

In answer to my prayer, my Mom heard me & came running in to check on me. I was sobbing & frantic, terrified beyond belief, & even as she turned on the lights & came running to my side, I could see the dark black cloud hovering next to my bed & I could still hear the mocking voice & laughter inside my thoughts.

My voice returned, but all I could muster was, “Help me, help me, help me! Make it stop! Help me!” as I tried to explain what was happening. And as she leaned over, looking at me with concerned expression, her face all of a sudden took on that of a demonic image of terror, as if the demon was projecting its evil menacing, threatening grin through the face of my mom.

I was afraid to look at her anymore. I was so terrified I couldn’t think straight.

And then, my cat came to see me, concerned & scared, wanting to comfort me, so I scooped him up as my movement was restored. But as I held him, every time I closed my eyes, visions of him lunging at my throat would repeat over & over again until I pushed him away from me.

My Mom Reminds Me Who Is Ultimately in Control

My mom turned on my stereo to worship music & grabbed my Bible with a concordance & she just kept repeating: “You can’t give him power! Your panic is giving him power. You have to remember that God is bigger than anything he can say or do! You are saved by God’s grace, a demon cannot take you. He is lying to you & trying to get you to doubt God. Do NOT let him! He has no power & he knows it. He is lying to you! Here, look up POWER in the concordance & let’s start looking them up & reading them one by one. You need to remember who is really in charge here, no matter what that demon may be saying to you. God is the real One in charge, no matter what!”

And she made me read aloud every verse suggested by my Bible’s concordance referencing God’s power, one by one, reading about God’s power & authority on heaven & on earth.

And as we read, the voice quieted & the fear stilled.

I Thought It Was Over

I don’t know how long we read, but I just had this strong feeling that I needed to read EVERY verse listed because I needed it right then more than I really understood.

After reading a good amount of time, maybe getting through 2/3 of the verses, I hadn’t heard the voice in maybe 10-20 minutes & my mom eventually prayed with me & went back to bed.

My eyes were beginning to droop, the tired grogginess starting to set in from the sudden middle of the night wakeup… &, feeling some peace & quiet, I felt like I was okay to stop reading, turn off my worship music on the stereo, & try to go back to sleep… so I did.

But as I turned out the lights & crawled back into bed & closed my eyes, I heard his voice again. “Did you think you could get rid of me that easily? (cackling) No. I’m in charge now. I’m going to take over you & no one is going to stop me. Where is your God now? Still hasn’t shown up because He is not coming. You belong to me now & there is nothing you can do about it.” (more maniacal laughter)

I Determined to Finish the Task I Had Set Out to Do… Read Every Last One

So, I sprang out of bed, flipped on the light faster than I ever had before, turned my worship music back on, grabbed my Bible, & I determined to honor that heart nudging that felt so unmistakable: “Read every last verse listed in the concordance that references God’s almighty power in the Bible.”

And I did just that, tuning out the cackling, mocking words as I read God’s Word aloud.

Reaching the final referenced Bible passages, nothing had changed….

But as soon as the last words left my lips, in my obedience to God’s nudging on my heart to read every listed passage referencing His awesome power… something beyond amazing occurred.

God’s One THOUGHT Held More Power Than ALL of Satan’s Tactics… Satan Cannot Even TRY Without Allowance from God Himself

In that singular moment, it was as if a motionless SWOOSH swept through my room. All the terror, unrest, anxiety, fear, etc. just evaporated in an instant & was replaced by this feeling of absolute POWER. Like NOTHING could touch me. Like I was COVERED. Just absolute, fully-encompassing PEACE.

You see, in that moment, with the evil, lurking, hovering cloud of blackness, the sleep paralysis & muteness when I woke up, the threats, the mocking voice inside my own thoughts, the nightmare….

God didn’t have to OUTSHINE the blackness.

God didn’t have to bellow LOUDER than the menacing voice in my head.

God didn’t have to FILL my room with a size greater than him.

God didn’t have to do anything other than THINK: “enough.”

A single THOUGHT from God held more power than ALL the tactics that demon used COMBINED.

A thought.

That was it.

Nothing else needed.

WOW.

God Speaks & Creation Comes Forth… God THINKS & Work Is Done… God’s NAME Has Power… Our Infinite, Almighty GOD!

You may wonder how God could speak life into existence? I don’t anymore. Not after THAT.

You wonder why I believe when the Bible says God’s NAME alone has great power? Because a singular THOUGHT from God held more power than ANYTHING that demon could throw at me.

God IS the ultimate authority. God holds ultimate POWER.

My understanding of Satan & his evil forces of darkness may have shifted from an annoyance that picks on me & tries to tempt me, to seeing he holds real, actual power—read Job if you don’t believe me.

But let me tell you something right now. In all of his tricks & terrors of acting so much more powerful than ME… Satan’s power isn’t even worth MENTIONING when compared with the power of GOD ALMIGHTY, KING of kings, LORD of lords, Maker of Heaven & Earth, Redeemer, Father, Friend… GOD.

I Was Now Walking with My Confidence in GOD

From that day on, paranoia was nothing. I had seen what Satan could actually do… the power he really had… & compared with me? Terrifying.

But I didn’t have to rely on me versus him… but rather him versus GOD. And in that scenario, he’s nothing.

From that day on, I would get that creepy, crawly feeling while house-sitting & I would turn to face the darkness behind me & say into it with a loud voice, “In the name of Jesus Christ, you leave me alone!” And it would dissipate as if it were never there in the first place.

And my dreams began to change. Nightmares would begin… fear would start to rise… I would begin to run… but IN MY DREAM, something calm & assured would settle over me & I would turn to face whatever tormented me & say, “In the name of Jesus Christ, you leave me ALONE!” And the nightmare would fade & be replaced with peace & I would continue sleeping peacefully.

God has power, even in our DREAMS! His power has no limits, so don’t limit Him with lack of prayers for His help!

Satan Is More Powerful Than We Imagine & That Is Why God Says to Take Seriously Our Stand & Preparedness Against Him

Yeah, Satan is more powerful than we often give him credit for with our little red man depictions in cartoons, seeing him as more like a nuisance than a threat.

But he is a threat. He is at work more than we accredit him. And because we think so little of him, we often think far too little of our need for God… & of God’s power… & of heeding God’s call to stand firm, armor up, & resist. (Ephesians 6:10-20; James 4:7)

We need the armor God supplies. We need to stand firm. We need to flee the devil’s temptations. We need to take it seriously.

God Is Greater STILL–God Is Greater Than ANY Darkness

Even more so, we need to take the power of God more seriously.

We need to stop taking Him for granted & thinking we’re just fine with Him as our backup versus our LORD.

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, as Proverbs 1:7 says, for a reason. Because we NEED to live with the understanding & recognition that God is GOD… & I am NOT.

Live like you need Him.

Because you do.

Claim the name of Jesus.

Shine HOPE by recognizing that God is greater than ANY darkness… & that His name ALONE holds more power than all the forces of darkness in this world. Claim the name of JESUS!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Yeti Ornament (NEPAL)

LIMITED EDITION – While Supplies Last! This adorable, festive Yeti Ornament from Nepal adds a touch of whimsy to your holiday decor! Each ornament is handcrafted using 100% wool and traditional wool crafting techniques that have been passed down for generations.

*****Your purchase provides a woman in an area of extreme poverty with a safe job and fair wage.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

God Cares About the Small Stuff

God is in the little details of life, have you thought about that fact?

I used to think God was just in the big stuff… that He was there to cry out to when things were crashing & burning… but God cares about me (about you) far beyond our comprehension.

Yeah, I know, I know. That ought to be obvious, right? I mean, God loves us so much that KNOWING we could not save ourselves from His wrath that we very much deserve in even EVER asserting that we know better than Him as the very One Who MADE us… He sent His own Son, Jesus (fully God AND man) to live a sinless life & eventually die willingly on our behalf, taking on the full weight of God’s wrath so that we don’t have to if we but accept that gift offered to each & every one of us for FREE (well, free to us, but it did come with great cost).

So, yeah, if He is willing to go to SUCH lengths to express His love for us… oh, & not even as a last resort… He KNEW from the beginning of time that it would be required in order to rescue us from our own wretched undeserving (Genesis 3:15)… how much more so would He be willing to be with us & care for us in the small details of life?

But it wasn’t always so obvious to me… it’s still something I struggle fully grasping, if I am completely honest with you.

How Can We Hear God?

It’s hard knowing how to hear God’s voice, to see Him as interacting with us in the small stuff, isn’t it? Between your own thoughts & temptations & lies of the deceiver (Satan- who is very good at deceiving) (John 8:44)… how can we tell the difference between our own thoughts, Satan’s, or God’s?

And how do we HEAR God when He doesn’t audibly SPEAK?

Those were questions I wrestled with for much of my growing up as a Christian. It made no logical sense to me, but I knew I was supposed to follow God’s lead & to do that, I needed to know how to tell when God was leading.

So, as with all things I have & do wrestle with…. I prayed & asked God for wisdom here.

How Do I Know It’s God Speaking to me?

I asked Him how to hear Him when I pray… how to tell it was Him… how to KNOW when it was Him. I wanted to recognize the voice of God, even just if understanding some idea or thought was His guiding me.

This was not a once & done prayer. I did not pray & then, BAM, now I know exactly how to tell! No, it took years of practice & growing & praying in this area of my life.

Ask God to Confirm When You’re Not Sure

We’re not supposed to test God (Deuteronomy 6:16), because that shows doubting He can or will, BUT, we can very much test WHETHER it’s OF God. Ie. “God, I want Your will & nothing more in this area, so if this is of You, please ___________________, to confirm & I will move forward in it knowing it’s Your lead.”

… Not testing/trying to control God or having God prove Himself… but a confirmation of His will so you know it’s of Him versus you merely WANTING it to be of Him or versus letting your fears/apprehensions call the shots instead.

Gideon is an example of this. (Judges 6:36-40) He was SO scared to obey God because the odds seemed so ridiculously NOT in his favor, so he was wanting confirmation that it was really a leading from God, & if so, & ONLY if so, he was then willing to go… knowing that if God really was leading this, even though he (Gideon) wouldn’t otherwise stand a CHANCE… He knew that God could handle the insurmountable odds just fine.

So, if you are learning to discern the voice of God in your life SO THAT you may follow Him & only Him, ASK FOR CONFIRMATION & TRUST HIM TO ANSWER!

And KEEP asking. Don’t ask one time, not get an answer, & then move on to your own wisdom to take over the lead. No. WAIT ON HIM. (Psalm 27:14) He has perfect timing. He is not caught off guard by anything ever. He doesn’t need a heads up. But trust Him to confirm versus running away or doing it your own way.

God Wants You to Know Him & God Revealed Himself to Us

Trust that God WANTS you to know Him, so praying to know how to tell it’s Him is something He very much wants for you. He is your Shepherd & He wants you to know & recognize His voice. (John 10:3-15)

READ THE BIBLE. I know, I know, this seems so cliché. But God’s Word is NOT just a “helpful life manual.” It is the Word of GOD. And not only that, but it is God-breathed. It is ALIVE & ACTIVE. His Word ALONE has POWER. (2 Timothy 3:26-17; 1 Peter 2:2-3; John 1:1-5)

When we feed on (read & think on) His Word, we NOURISH ourselves. We are strengthened with His might.

This isn’t just about knowing rights & wrongs, but about knowing God Himself!

And the more you take in His Word, the more you will be able to discern His leading, because it will always line up with His character & His promises. So, if you want to hear His voice, you need to get to know His Word.

How Do I Read the Bible When I Don’t Feel I Can?

If you struggle with this, as I did up until maybe 5 years ago, remember:

1. There is no set “Reading Plan” in the Bible, so stop quitting because you fall behind with a human-made plan. Just READ.
2. Satan will exploit every weak point in your determination to nourish your soul with the TRUTH of God’s Word, so EXPECT PUSHBACK. Maybe it’s stubbornness, bad attitude, I-don’t-want-to-hear-it type pride, headache, distractions, busyness, not knowing where to start, inability to concentrate… WHATEVER it is, Satan is guaranteed to pay attention to what works in keeping you away, so don’t let him win.
3. God is more powerful than Satan. And more powerful than all your obstacles & unwillingness combined. So trust that & PRAY FOR HELP. Trust that if this honors & pleases God (hint: it very much does) THEN He WILL help you do it. (1 John 5:14-15) So, PRAY & then DO IT.
4. You can also read some former posts I did on this subject if you’re needing some more encouragement here: a) “Intentionality: Reading & Studying the Bible for Yourself” & b) “How to Do the Things We Know We Should Do, But Just Can’t.”

As I continued to grow up, learning to trust God with more & to follow His lead in my life, He was patient with me & He used many instances to confirm that He heard me, that He cares for me (even in the little things) & that He is infinite & limitless—which means He will show up in the massive things just as much as He will in the little ridiculous things that matter to no one but you.

God Was Gentle with Jonah When He Was Less Than Deserving

Remember Jonah being all grumpy about the Ninevites not getting what they deserved because he finally listened to God, obeyed, & told them of God’s impending judgment if they refused to repent & turn to God (as God had asked him to do), & then those evil people repented & turned to God & God relented on His punishment…. Jonah was not at all happy. He wanted to watch them PAY for the wretchedness they committed—NOT to be offered a CLEAN SLATE. (Read the story of Jonah in the booked named after him, starting in Jonah 1.)

But what did God do? God provided shade for him to rest in his bad attitude/sulking. Jonah did not come around, as far as we know from God’s Word, but God still did this small act of kindness to show He cared regardless. (Jonah 4:6)

God Speaks… Are We Listening?

There have been so many examples of God hearing & God expressing His care to me.

From finding a way-too-expensive t-shirt I loved, feeling lack of peace about the price, wanting it anyway, but trusting that lack of peace, trusting God to know better, & putting it back, only to find it a month later on the clearance rack with only one left—& it being my size.

To having a $5 budget for DVDs, FINALLY finding one at that price that I had been wanting for over a YEAR, feeling that same lack of peace, carrying it around the store with me “just in case I get peace after all”, NOT getting that peace, trusting God to know better, putting it back grumpily, to then finding it for 50 cents at a yard sale that SAME weekend!

Don’t Try to Out-Logic God

To feeling like God was saying “NO” to going to a friend’s house when I had no homework, no incomplete chore responsibilities, nothing, so I “logic-ed” my way into going anyway, even though I felt a very obvious void of peace, only to be driving on a straight road in a storm toward her house, hear on the radio “He controls where every lightning bolt goes” & at that EXACT moment, a hugely bright lightning bolt strikes directly in my line of sight—I went home, never even knowing the why… but I knew it was Him.

To feeling a complete lack of peace about a trip to FL with friends where most of the expenses were covered, I had no job to take off work from, had savings to draw from, with friends I trusted, felt a complete lack of peace, angrily went anyway as if God just didn’t want me to have fun—only to face a near-death totaled car crash incident where it was a MIRACLE we all survived.

To how He confirmed repeatedly walk away from my first love, not knowing whether I could ever be loved like that again (Read about that story from last week, here: “Growing Up a Christian–A Grace-Filled Life, Chapter 6: God Knows Best Even with Love.”)…. But also, God confirmed repeatedly to stay with my now husband. (More on that story to come….) God KNEW. I didn’t. I’m glad I trusted Him.

God Cares About Us Even in the Moments Where No One Sees Us… God Does

To having the absolute worst day in college of waking up late, rushing to get ready, no time to wash greasy hair, wore wrong (uncomfortable) shoes on the day my class was across campus, had to run to the bus, missed the bus, & the cherry on top was that it was a HOT breezeless day… & as I panted from the running, choking back the sobs that threatened to release… I asked God for comfort as I held back my miserable whimpering. I asked God to remind me He was still with me & had me… & all of a sudden, this refreshing breeze swept across me & through my hair & I felt His comfort wash over me.

To being at a stoplight, restless & annoyed I missed the light, doing my secret ritual of counting down in my head, trying to get “0” to come just as the light changed… only to hear this thought of “you should have started at 8” & I adjust accordingly & I land on 0 JUST as the light changed—an encouragement that meant so much to me that day, like God was being silly right along with me so I would feel someone cared about me right then in my impatient frustration.

God Sees the Details We Can Only Guess About

To making plans to attend a college friend’s wedding with a group of friends that we were planning to split hotel & rental car costs, only to back out before we all paid/booked because I felt that same car-accident-on-the-way-to-FL feeling, having no real “makes sense” reason to offer my friends & feeling really awkward about that, but not wanting to risk another unforeseen tragedy God may be trying to warn me about… only to have one of the biggest snow storms we have ever had come through, blocking all routes to the wedding, forcing cancelations that I was free from dealing with.

God sees you. He knows you. He knows everything.

Don’t Speak for God

Have you ever had a nudge on your heart that didn’t make sense, so you just ignored it, only to wish you had listened to that initial nudge?

I make the mistake way too frequently of speaking FOR God. As in feeling a nudge to get my umbrella & then filling in the blanks with, “yeah, but God, I NEVER even USE my umbrellas whenever I have brought one, because I just make a run for it, so, no, I will not be bringing it,” as I shake my head thinking, “duh, God, You should know that about me by now.” (Wow, the arrogance, right?) Only to unexpectedly have to wait outside in line for something I can’t get out of by necessity for whatever reason, getting completely DRENCHED, (AKA cold, wet, & MISERABLE) because “I don’t use umbrellas so I’m not going to listen to God.”

God is SO all-knowing that NOT ONLY did He know it was going to rain (where I figured His knowing ended, hence my refusal to get said umbrella), but ALSO that I, who normally never uses an umbrella, would DESPERATELY wish she had one.

Don’t fill in the blanks for God. Don’t try to logic away His nudgings because they don’t make any sense to YOU. God sees all of everything all at once AND has perfect judgment—can you say the same about yourself?

God Cares Enough to Speak Up, Even When He Knows We’ll Be Rude About It

God doesn’t just know everything. He knows YOU. He knows what you will wish you had before you know you wish you had it.

I have felt convicted about eating a certain meal, for example, & so go on a spin of indignation toward God, thinking, “OH, I GET it. I’m fat & now I can’t ever ENJOY this because of it? Is that it? Well, I don’t CARE. It’s just a ONE TIME TREAT & I shouldn’t have to feel guilty about that!!!!” Only to get food poisoning & realize that maybe, JUST MAYBE, that is why God was convicting me about that one-time treat I got so defensive about. (smh)

It would be laughable if it wasn’t so arrogant. Me thinking I know better than God? EVER? Wow. Please forgive me, GOD ALMIGHTY!

God doesn’t guilt or shame you. He doesn’t pressure & rush you. He doesn’t “OR ELSE!” you.

Jesus already paid for all that, so why would God put any of that on you?

God Wants Us to Know Him

God is a gentle guide. He wants you to know Him. He wants you to recognize His still, small, gentle, loving voice. He wants you to trust His care for you. He wants you to trust His Word & spend time getting to know Him while nourishing your soul.

He wants you to obey, sure, but with His help. Not to be “good enough” but because He knows it’s what you need. God doesn’t need your help. Let go & trust His lead.

Trust that the more you spend in His Word & the more you ask for Him to teach you how to discern His voice & direction in your life, the more He will grow that certainty in you. It does take time, but it is worth it. God wants us to know Him & to know His voice.

Shine HOPE by letting God be God. By determining to pray & ask God to help you know His voice SO THAT you can follow it. By getting to know God through His Word given to us so that we may know Him & know HOPE.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Resilient Bracelet (CAMBODIA)

This adjustable handcrafted Resilient Bracelet is the perfect bracelet for everyday wear. Acid attack survivors in Cambodia hand bead these stunning bracelets with a varying bead pattern using seed beads and gold-tone plated beads. Each bracelet is adjustable with a slide-knot closure and is beautifully finished with coordinating beads.

*****Every purchase of this Resilient Bracelet supports the acid attack survivor in Cambodia who created it with a safe and dignified opportunity to earn a sustainable income.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!