Such Feelings

If you know me, or have been following my blog any time over the last 5 years (how has it been 5 years?!), then you probably have gathered that I have big feelings. For good or for bad, whether people enjoy it or hate it… I have big feelings.

Sometimes I love it, because it infuses my good days with so much zest, but the bad days are rough because I feel things so deeply it seems to sometimes affect me in a physical way with overwhelm & zoning out & feeling crushed beneath the weight of them.

And of course then you add in the depression. Now, this isn’t wallowing in despair depression—feeling depressed is not the same as having depression… although, if I allow it to consume me, it can very well lead to feeling & BEING depressed. But, on its own, it’s just a general sense of feeling numb & checked out of life… like everything just feels like a meaningless blur. And when I say, “I just don’t care,” it’s not in an obstinate, rolling my eyes type of thing, but rather just literally not caring about much of anything because I just feel numb as if I am just existing through my day.

But whether it’s my depression symptoms dragging me down to the dust, like a ball & chain clasped to my ankles as I try to walk through mud & haze… or whether it’s an emotional high where I just want to live life with fullness & vibrancy feeling free from the haze… or whether some thing or another knocks me to the ground with unexpected hurt or overwhelm that halts me in my tracks… no matter what it is that my feelings are feeling… it should not affect my obedience to God.

Chasing Happy Highs

Not allowing feelings to affect my obedience to God is a hard one for me. Our bodies are meant to release “happy hormones” when we accomplish tasks… there is a natural reward system built into our brains… & when that malfunctions & life feels empty & numb & void of feeling… well, I want to zone out & avoid at all costs how trapped & stuck that makes me feel. I want to chase “happy highs” however possible—tv, food, games, shopping trip, etc.

And what I DON’T feel like doing is to buckle down & DO IT ANYWAY.

I heard a quote today from the pastor at church this morning from Augustine maybe? The quote went something like: “God made us for Himself & we will remain restless until we seek our rest in Him.” Something like that. And isn’t that so true?

I can chase “happy highs” all I want, but until I seek my rest in Him, I will always be restless. I NEED Him.

Obeying God Is for My Good

Part of resting in God is realizing that I NEED to obey HIM rather than my feelings, recognizing that obedience to God is for my own good because all of what God commands is for my good.

I mean, think about it… just even looking at the basic 10 Commandments given to Moses for the people, by God, you can see it. (Genesis 20:1-17) Don’t steal, don’t commit adultery, love your neighbor as yourself, etc. His commands are basically—treat each other WELL! (Luke 6:31; Matthew 7:12) God even goes so far as to say that all the commands can be summed up under “love God with your all & the second being like it to love your neighbor as yourself.” (Paraphrase) (Matthew 22:36-40)

We were made to love God. We are designed to worship, honor, & glorify Him… & to love others.

Of course, we can’t be SAVED from our SIN against God by obeying these very good God-given commands (they are given as law to reveal our need for Him) (Romans 3:20; Romans 7:7) … because we will never ever get it spot on 24/7–that’s why God sent Jesus to pay our debt so if we repent or turn from our sin, ask for forgiveness, & turn to God, through Jesus, as your hope… you are saved… through your faith in Him. (Romans 3:23-24; Romans 10:9-11)

BUT, those 10 commandments, although they can’t save our souls, are still commands worthy of obedience… as are all of God’s teaching in the Bible… because it honors Him & it’s for our good.

We NEED to Obey… We NEED His Truth & Way of Life because It’s What We Were MADE to NEED

Obedience to God, though, is not just avoiding doing the “thou shalt nots” of the Bible… it’s a living out a life of seeking to know & love Him more… bowing how I want to respond for what honors & glorifies HIM (through asking for His wisdom & help doing it)… a determining to represent Him well & intentionally in your interactions with others & in how you express love for others. Obedience, at its core, means a life lived for HIM, through Him.

God knows we need it. We NEED Him. We NEED prayer (a plugging into HIM & HIS resources) (Proverbs 3:5-6; 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18), We NEED to feed our souls on His Word (the Bible). God tells us to even CRAVE His Word as newborn babies crave milk & NEED it to survive. (1 Peter 2:2-3)

Obedience isn’t some super religious thing we do to prove how religious we are.

Obedience is NECESSARY for a full & abundant & victorious LIFE. (John 10:9-10) Obedience is necessary to please, honor, & glorify God—for which purpose we were created! (Isaiah 43:7; 1 Corinthians 10:31; Revelation 4:11; Romans 11:36)

Checking My Motivations in My Obedience to God—Time in His Word, the Bible

We read our Bibles, not because we feel like a “terrible Christian” if we don’t, guilted into keeping up with it & shame-building as we miss day after day throughout the year…. We read our Bibles because 1. It honors God to seek to know & love Him better/more, & 2. We are influenced & impacted by the world every moment of our life & we NEED to be INTENTIONAL in feeding our soul with TRUTH to ground us in this crazy world we live in.

God isn’t keeping track with hand on hip & a raised, judgy eyebrow, making note of: “still waiting to see if they prove their love for me ENOUGH.” Jesus paid for that missed day, week, year, or even lifetime—it’s in the past & if you have repented of it, God has forgiven it. God isn’t expecting a “read through the Bible in a year” OR ELSE:  “BAM—Bad Christian alert!”

But God is honored every time we DO pick up our Bibles & commit to reading it, thinking on it, dwelling on it, & referring back to it when we face circumstances that come up in life, preparing ourselves with His Word that He made sure we would have access to because He made sure it was written all those many years ago.

Why Do I Pray?

We pray, not just before meals & before bed “because it’s what a good Christian person does.” We don’t do it to seem pious or religious. We do it because we NEED HIM EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY.

It’s not about repeating special words or making sure we say, “Father” enough times in our prayer. It’s not about praying “enough times” to get God to act. It’s not about getting God to give you everything you want your way as if He’s your personal enforcer while you sit in the seat of authority.

Prayer is about submission to an Almighty God Who is HOLY & deserving of all & holds ALL authority in heaven AND earth & yet keeps His throne-room door open at all times for all requests & pleas.

Prayer is about recognizing it’s all about Him, all FOR Him, all THROUGH Him. Prayer is about recognizing that God is GOD, & I am NOT.

Prayer is about plugging in to our Vine. (John 15:1-17) What can a branch bring forth without being connected to its life-giving Vine? What can we produce of worth without plugging into Him as our life-giving source? He is the source of our being. He is our nourishment. He is our peace. He is our enabling strength, even when we ourselves are depleted.

Prayer is about both recognizing & expressing our need, as well as turning to the One where our need may be met, even beyond what we imagine Him capable. (Ephesians 3:20-21; Luke 1:37)

To Feel Like a “Good Person” or to Honor, Please, & Glorify God?

And living for God isn’t about getting in “enough” service hours each week to prove how dedicated we are to serving God. It’s not about proving to or earning anything from God. It’s not about “being a good person.” (Romans 3:10-12; Ephesians 2:8-10)

Living in obedience to serve Him & love others, seeking to honor & please & glorify Him in every thought, reaction, & interaction is simply for that reason—to honor, please, & glorify HIM—because He is deserving of it. Not because I feel like it, & neither should I avoid it because I DON’T feel like it.

Feelings & Obedience Shouldn’t Affect Each Other

So, yes, sometimes my depression symptoms mean that I am zoned out, feel nothing, get no “happy hormone” reward for doing it… & yet I say a little prayer:  “God, please forgive me for how badly I want to avoid this right now because I DO NOT FEEL LIKE IT… please forgive me & help me do it anyway, because I want to honor You & I know I need You whether or not I feel like it will help at all right now. Please forgive my attitude & help me to honor You anyway. In Jesus’ name, I pray—AMEN.” And then I open my Bible & my current study, turn to the right page, click on my pen & begin my study each morning… whether I FEEL like it or not.

Feelings & obedience shouldn’t affect each other. Bad feelings too bad? Good feelings too distracting? Numbness clouding over any desire to do anything? Do it anyway—with God’s help.

We’re Meant to Need & Ask for His Help to Obey

Through Andrew Murray’s book on Prayer, a compilation of his works, I learned that so many Christians burn out either by guilt-driven obedience or self-driven obedience… or they just give up because they feel they just can’t (both were me at different points in my life)—too busy, too distracted, too numb, too tired, too sick, etc.—but that so many of commands given in the Bible are either followed by or preceded by “by God, through God, by faith, or through faith.” In other words? We’re not meant to be ABLE to obey Him… ON OUR OWN WITHOUT HIS HELP. We are MEANT to need His help & to turn to Him for that help in our walk of obedience.

So, if you feel you can’t obey Him for WHATEVER reason, you’re in good company! Take that to God & be honest with Him & ask for His help: “God, please forgive me for my lack… help me know when to fit it in & help me to LISTEN when You give the nudge in that time… help me to focus… help me to concentrate… help my WANT.” RELY ON & COUNT ON His help.

And when emotions are running wild or feel non-existent… remember that feelings & obedience shouldn’t affect each other. God can help if you are willing to let Him. Let Him help.

Shine HOPE by determining to honor, please, & glorify God through obedience, whether you feel like it or not… by making sure to turn to Him diligently & consistently for His help.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week.

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Tranquility Ring Set (India)

This set of 2 adjustable rings can be worn stacked together or separately! A silver-toned plated brass ring with a simple twist perfectly complements the gorgeous chalcedony ring.  This small oval-shaped, faceted chalcedony stone is set in silver-toned plated brass featuring a design on the silver band.

***Every purchase empowers women to earn fair wages for their work and to end cycles of poverty for her family.***

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me to continue supporting them as well as continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

Learning to Lean on God in Suffering

I haven’t been feeling well, so this will probably be a short post this week, but I wanted to still get on here & hopefully pass on some encouragement to you.

Sometimes God gives you exactly what you ask of Him when you’re in need, to show you that He is able to provide your every need, but sometimes He doesn’t, because He wants you to recognize that He is your true & only need.

God’s Impossible Peace

Being sick recently has only been a reminder of living through both the super typhoon on Guam, as well as the 2 months of sleeplessness I endured months ago. In my crying out to Him for help—for the end of my struggling—He didn’t remove the struggle, which frustrated me for sure, but it taught me that when the suffering didn’t end, He was right there in the suffering to comfort me & give me strength.

It’s a strange thing to both recognize how miserable & weak you are & still feel a sense of okay-ness about it—like God’s got you even if things don’t get any easier.

I guess it all goes back to His impossible peace, (read about that, here: “How You Can Have Impossible Peace”) which He supplies when we learn to rest in Him. It’s “impossible peace” because it makes no sense & shouldn’t be able to exist in the midst of your current circumstances—& yet somehow, there it is to carry you through.

“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)

Having “Even If” Type Faith

I will be the first to admit that I hate suffering. I want my comfort zone like my life depends on it… which is why I have gone through some pretty bad pits of spiralling despair—like in Hokkaido when I begged for an easier time & God did not supply that relief. I didn’t understand then that God wanted me to learn to find my hope in Him rather than in the end of my struggling.

Having an “Even If” type of faith is not easy (read more about what it means to have “even if” faith, here: “Even If…”), because sometimes it means accepting that the hard will just keep on coming… that you will continue to feel weak & incapable & at the end of yourself… but the truth is that we cannot control our circumstances, that hard will come whether we like it or not, & that God never promises easy… so you have a choice in that—to turn to our source of HOPE or turn away from Him & struggle without His comfort, love, strength, & care to see you through it with His peace.

A Quick Encouragement on Finding Hope When Suffering Doesn’t Seem to Stop

Even knowing all of this, I still struggle choosing Him. I want the hard to just stop & feel frustrated, hurt & sometimes even angry when He doesn’t make it so.

But every new hard is an opportunity for me to practice turning to Him instead, even if I don’t understand why He allows the suffering… so I can see that while I hate the suffering, He is always sufficient in it.

What will you choose next time? Or maybe you’re facing suffering right now?

Choosing to Turn to God When the Hard Doesn’t Stop

My sore throat has made it hard to swallow with the swelling & painful irritation… so sleep has eluded me for most of 2 nights now, plus continued pain & discomfort & trust me… I am so over it! I just want the constant pain, discomfort, & sleeplessness (& nighttime sobs) to end so I can feel like myself again—I’m even visiting family for the only time this year!

But I am going to make conscious effort to say, “God, I may hate feeling this way, but over the last 2 days, in my suffering, discomfort, inconvenient sickness, & pain… I have seen You show up & help me maintain an attitude that allowed me to still make happy memories with the family we are visiting rather than wallowing in despair from the constant pain. You have given me strength & have comforted me when I felt comfort was going to be absolutely impossible. You have given me peace when the pain annoyingly persisted. I would love for you to end this pain right now, & ask You now to that end—please take away my pain—but if not, help me to remember that You really are truly sufficient when the suffering continues on. Thank You for looking out for me, even when I am so tempted to write You off in my sometimes overwhelming frustration & temptation to turn away from You or demand my way. Please forgive me for my obstinate desire to depend on myself alone. Thank You for always being quick to be there for me & with me through the hardest times in life, even when my attitude sometimes proves less than deserving. You are faithful, even when I am not. You are a Good God. Thank You. Please continue to care for me & help me through this sickness & PLEASE heal me or point me to relief somehow. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.

Shine HOPE by determining to turn to God as your hope rather than solely seeking the end of your struggles & suffering as your source of hope.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week.

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

July 2023 Hope Mail (India)

FOR A LIMITED TIME – Only available during the month of July!

Who do you know who would love a beautiful package filled with hope in their mailbox? This exclusive July Hope Mail package makes a great gift for any occasion! Why not treat yourself to a little inspiration? Enjoy free shipping on this July Hope Mail package that includes our Kalina Earrings from India, Orange Sun Kissed Lip Balm from India, and an encouraging sticker mailed in a stylish Fashion as a Force for Good Envelope.

Imagine the joy of opening this July Hope Mail package and discovering these eco-friendly fair-trade earrings! Artisans in India handcraft these vibrant, cheerful Kalina Earrings. Each statement earring features a gold-tone hammered triangle with a hand-beaded, color-block pattern in turquoise, bright coral, and yellow. Every pair of Kalina Earrings helps to end child marriage and keep families out of the slums of India!

Add a touch of artisanal style to your skincare routine with the Sun Kissed Orange Lip Balm while creating fair jobs for women ending poverty cycles in India. Handmade from sustainably harvested beeswax with a sweet and fruity orange scent, this moisturizing lip balm helps naturally heal dry skin.

Inspire yourself or someone you love with this exclusive, vinyl, Trades of Hope Lotus Sticker with the encouraging message, “That dream was planted in your heart for a reason.”

***Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in India where vulnerable women are often exploited by sweatshops and human traffickers.***

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me to continue supporting them as well as continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

As a Child…

Thank You, Lord, for never leaving me… for never giving up on me. Thank You for the family You gave me who took me to church & taught me about Your Son, Jesus. Thank You for the children’s Bible I was given that helped in my curiosity of learning about You & for helping me connect the dots that my bad attitude toward my parents or even my sister was counted as sin in Your eyes & helping me realize I needed saving even at such a young age.

Thank You for not giving up on me when I entered middle school & heard all about differing religious ideas… when I began to doubt You… when I wondered if maybe You weren’t real, I could be living MY way instead of worrying about Your law. Thank You for not just crushing me then in my stubborn self-will to live MY way over Your Good way.

Through My Depression…

Thank You for my spiral of depression for two years in early high school once my doubting & questions & desires to live my way began to numb & empty me of life… thank You for stripping so much from me: my reputation, my good academic standing, many of my friendships, much of my bond with my sisters, my confidence… thank You for the suffering I felt… the emptiness & despair… thank You that it showed me that NO MATTER what I tried to fill it with that wasn’t You just made it all the worse in the end… that I couldn’t fully rely on ANYTHING at ALL times… except for You. Thank You that You took away every crutch or stronghold I was counting on so I could see that YOU were the ONLY One Who could not & would not ever fail.

Thank You for squashing every doubt I had through that pain, showing me that if I had nothing, but I had You… I had EVERYTHING.

In My Growing… & in My Failing…

Thank You that You didn’t stop there. Thank You for continuing to weed things from my life & my behavior & my thought patterns, shaping me to better honor You. Thank You for the confidence You instilled in me through that, beginning to understand that it wasn’t about me being enough, but that You will always be my Enough. Thank You for Your gentle, wise, never-giving-up-on-me pruning.

In My Withouts…

Thank You for teaching me through singleness into my late twenties & then now childlessness that Your plan is always better than mine, no matter how much I think I want something. Thank You that Your timing is always perfect. Thank You that You love me enough to not settle for my less-than timeline &/or plan.

Thank You for the comfortable times of rest. Thank You for the difficult hard times that teach me that YOU can BE my rest. Thank You for when I have plenty, reminding me of Your provision. Thank You for times of little, reminding me that You are my provision.

Thank You for Your peace that when I ask for it fills me even as the world crashes around me. It’s indescribable & impossible peace—& yet, it is. Thank You that You are so much bigger & greater than I can even imagine. And that impossible is never impossible for You.

In My Questions… In My Lacking…

Thank You that You love me enough to let me doubt & wonder & question… that You don’t turn me away, but that as I seek Your wisdom to better trust & live by You, You are a patient & gentle Leader & Father to me. You don’t rush or hurry. You are kind even when I’m rude & impatient & complaining. You are too loving to let me have my way, even if it would be easier to just give in… You lovingly determine only what is best for me. Thank You.

Thank You that I can always come back to You… that even if I give into the blistering disease that is bitterness & stop praying because I am too hurt to have You not answer my way AGAIN—rather than trusting You IN the hard, always only complaining for the end of the hard—You always are quick to forgive, patient, kind, loving, long-suffering… Thank You that You = LOVE.

In All of Creation…

Thank You God, for it all. Thank You for life. Thank You for all of the beautiful & cuddly & awe-inspiring animals You have made in all the diversity of colors, shapes, sizes. Thank You for all the shades of green when passing a highway surrounded by trees & trees. Thank You for the dancing of the wind through the trees & the grass & even my hair. Thank You for all of the beautiful plants & flowers. Thank You for the cool of water & it’s ability to refresh or soothe. Thank You for the sounds of rushing or babbling water. Thank You for the smell of fresh, crisp air & the warmth of sunshine glow. Thank You for hills & valleys & mountains & oceans. Thank You for mountain trails & beach chill. Thank You for Your ever-new paintings in the skies.

Thank You for laughter & dancing & the ability to praise You for all that You are.

For Who You Are…

Thank You for Your kindness. Thank You for Your love & Your grace & mercy & for HOPE. Thank You that I can always count on You… always come to You… always talk to You. Thank You that You are faithful… even if I am not. Thank You that You are kind… even when I am rude. Thank You that You never give up on me. Thank You that You care so much for me even though I don’t deserve it. Thank You that when I fail, You forgive. Thank You that You are KING of ALL & yet have time for me. Thank You for Your vast POWER & authority in both heaven & on earth, but yet Your gentle disposition toward Your rebellious creation. Thank You for Your GRACE.

For Jesus… For Forgiveness… For Your Grace…

Thank You for Jesus. Thank You Jesus for being willing to condescend Yourself from Your throne in Heaven to become a man in flesh, with all of the same human struggles, but living a sinless life so that You could become our once-and-for-all spotless lamb sacrifice to God for our sins. Thank You that no matter WHAT wrong we’ve done, no matter how terrible & undeserving we know we are… that if we confess to You those things & turn from those things to life in You, asking Your forgiveness, that You FORGIVE.

Thank You for new life, for a fresh start, for Your patience & love & pursuit of us no matter how many times we may figuratively spit at Your face. You wait willingly & ever so patiently, not wanting ANY of us to go without Your grace, forgiveness, hope, life, & LOVE. THANK YOU.

Thank You that You don’t make us jump through hoops, “prove” it, do “enough” good, earn it, or anything else… we just have to recognize our need of You… confess our wrongs against You… ask Your forgiveness for those wrongs… & accept You as Savior for our sins against God. THANK YOU.

Thank You, LORD.

Thank You for sending us the Holy Spirit once we have turned our lives to Jesus. That we then ALWAYS have Him as our Guide, a Comforter, a giver of Wisdom, a Companion Who never leaves us nor forsakes us.

Thank You God for all of the things I take for granted every single day: kitty snuggles, hugs, a laugh, a yummy bite of food, the ability to heat or chill food, laundry capability, a dry home, a job, friends, a family who introduced me to You, a husband, Your sacrifice & the blessings You offer me every day. Your peace. Your love. Your never-giving-up-on-me grace. Thank YOU. Thank You. THANK YOU!

Praise be to God, the Maker of Heaven & Earth! AMEN!

Shine HOPE by determining to look for all the reasons you have to PRAISE God for everything big & small, in the good times & the bad. Because no matter what the circumstances or your feelings may be—He is worthy to be praised! Thank You, LORD!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week.

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Lotus Coasters (India)

Create a beautiful tablescape with nature-inspired decor that empowers families in India out of poverty. This set of four eco-friendly Lotus Coasters are made from sustainable natural mango wood with carved whitewashed accents. Complete your summer look with our Lotus Trivet.

***Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in India.***

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me to continue supporting them as well as continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

Our Tokyo Anniversary

I’m going to be honest with you—I don’t really know where this week’s blog topic is going. I’m just sort of going to write what’s on my heart as if we’re just chatting comfortably in my living room & see where it goes.

This has been a crazy last several weeks—from working, to Tokyo/Disney for a week, to typhoon prep, to living through a super typhoon & it’s aftermath. It’s been a roller coaster.

I wasn’t feeling well when we were in Tokyo. I got a cold, plus the added enjoyment of “that time of the month” & there were times during that week where I felt my feet were just dragging because although Tokyo Disney is a fun place to be… I felt like poop. I was tired, sluggish, achy, & like all I wanted to do was crawl back into bed & sleep it off.

But each day, I had to take those grumps to God, understanding tickets were already bought & we had already flown there & it was our anniversary week & I didn’t want to ruin it for my hubs either. No pressure, right?

I had to apologize to God for my grumpies many, many times & ask Him to forgive me for only wanting a solution my way (no matter how natural my way felt at the time) & instead trust Him enough to ask Him to be sufficient in my lack… & to help me have a good attitude/make the most of our trip.

God showed up, of course, in giving me enough strength for each day. It was still hard & it was still easy to have a bad attitude because it was hard… but God held my hand through it & just took me step by step in His care.

The Much-Talked-About Typhoon

And then we come home & all this talk of the typhoon was actually revving up versus slowing down—we get typhoon warnings a lot on Guam & a lot of them end up veering off & never reaching us other than some residual rain from its edges, so it’s not often I even feel concerned.

But this one was looking like a hit.

So, we began to prepare just like we would for any other typhoon… but I already talked about all that last week. (You can catch up, here, if you want: “Living through a Super Typhoon.”)

And I am so grateful to Him for so many reasons through all of that mess.

Overwhelmed & Drowning in Shock

It’s true… I didn’t feel I had any right to ask of God when He provided so much in our home’s protection through that, but God loves to give… not always in the way we THINK we want, but better.

When the worst of the aftermath shock & sticky, thick humidity kicked in, while I was sitting in pitch black darkness, unable to turn a light on or a fan or anything to get relief… knowing of how many people were suffering across the island from damage to their homes… I felt so overwhelmed by grief… like it threatened to just swallow me whole.

You know that feeling when you feel you have a frog in your throat & your eyes are burning, all because the sobs are just trying to force their way to the surface?

Have you ever been in total darkness & just felt consumed by it like they were dark walls closing in around you in your grief & you just needed to see the light of day trickle through it–any sign of hope–desperate for it even?

I begged… literally BEGGED… God to turn the power back on that night because I felt like I was falling apart. I was overwhelmed. Hope seemed a far ways off.

I Sometimes Feel Too Unworthy to Ask God for More

God had already provided in SO MANY ways. And so many others had it MUCH worse. How could I even imagine I was deserving of any more than all I already had been given?

I knew I didn’t deserve His answer to be yes—far from it.

But I also knew that HE was where my help comes from (Psalm 121:1-2) & that if ANYONE can give me some sort of relief where there seemed no available relief… it was going to be Him EVERY time.

And I ALSO knew that if God gave His only Son, JESUS, to pay the debt of all of our sins (John 3:16-17)… how much He MUST LOVE US & WANT to give us good things. (Romans 8:32)

So, I prayed anyway. I trusted Him more than how worthy or unworthy I felt I was. I trusted that He WANTED to provide for me & give me HOPE.

I’m Not Good Enough of My Own Merit

God doesn’t withhold goodness even from people who hate or reject Him… THAT’S how good He is! He rains on the just AND the unjust. (Matthew 5:44-45)

BUT, God also says that the prayers of a righteous person availeth much. (James 5:16)

On my own merit, I’m nowhere near righteous. God says even my righteousness is like dirty rags to Him. (Isaiah 64:6) He also says that we ALL fall short (Romans 3:23)

But I am declared righteous because of Whom my faith is planted in—Jesus. (Galatians 3:6); 2 Corinthians 5:21)

HIS righteousness is accounted to ME as MY righteousness because I hope in HIM.

So, when I pray to God for help, He is not looking down at me through the lens of my undeserving unworthiness… but through the sacrifice of His Son Jesus on my behalf. Jesus’ sacrifice MAKES me worthy even though on my own merit I am not.

Do You Trust God Enough to Ask?

It blows my mind how an Almighty HOLY God would love me so much.

God answered my prayer—not in the way I pictured it, but so much more in giving me a friend to go through the aftermath with me.

Do you trust that God cares enough for you to want to care for you in your dark moments?

Do you dare to ask? To believe He wants to? To believe you’re deserving enough not because of what you’re worth on your own… but based on the worth you have through all JESUS gave FOR YOU?

Do you trust that if God gave you His Son that He also wants your needs met? Even if not the way you pictured?

Do you convince yourself not to bother Him? Do you trust God enough to ask? Do you believe that to Him it’s NEVER a bother for His children to ask of His infinite, never-depleting resources? That He actually ENJOYS caring for you?

You’re Not Enough… And He Loves You Anyway

If you’re counting on you being enough… you’re not… none of us are.

But don’t miss the biggest thing ever—having the righteousness of Jesus accounted to you because of your believing on Him (rather than yourself) to cover your debt to God.

Don’t miss out on letting that HOPE flood your heart that come what may here on earth… THIS is your temporary home & if you trust JESUS, well, you have a MUCH BETTER place to look forward to than here!

Jesus is the light of the world, so if you feel darkness clouding your life… you need to look to Him & ask for His light to come into your life.

Shine HOPE by being willing to ASK God when you need help… without convincing yourself you don’t deserve it enough or that others have more of a right to it or that God doesn’t want to be bothered. Trust Him enough to ASK!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for almost FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Eucalyptus Mint Soap (India)

Artisans in India meticulously craft irresistibly fragrant natural soaps using traditional cold process techniques and ancient blends of moisturizing oils, herbs, and essential oils.

The invigorating and refreshing signature fragrance of the Eucalyptus Mint Soap is a natural blend of moisturizing and healing shea butter and pure oils, including coconut and olive oil with essential oils of eucalyptus and peppermint, which are well known for their soothing anti-inflammatory, anti-microbial, antioxidant, and decongestant benefits.

***Every purchase helps empower marginalized and differently abled women in India.***

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

The Week before the Super Typhoon

It’s strange. Today is Day 13 since Super Typhoon Mawar hit us here on Guam.

Just the week before, my husband & I made a trip over to Tokyo, Japan for our 11^th anniversary. Both of us had fallen in love with the city after many years of visits from our 7 years of living in Japan from 2015-2022.

Many of our anniversaries have been spent in Tokyo, mainly Tokyo Disneyland & Disney Sea. We have our favorite spots & a feeling of comfort having been there so many times. It’s probably not the type of trip a tourist would long for, as our favorite food places are burger spots & street taco-like food versus sushi & ramen… but we could get all that at home & always longed for a taste of home in America… so now they have become our spots.

And aside from me being sick with a cold for most of our trip, we made some special, happy memories.

While we were away there in Japan for the week, I heard a rumor of an upcoming typhoon… but that was nothing new for our island home on Guam… so we didn’t think much of it.

Buckling Down

Returning to Guam, the talk of this typhoon was spreading. Warnings were being issued. Urgent posts were being shared to stock up & bunker up to prepare.

We have been through quite a few typhoons & this was typical. So, we bought a few days’ worth of food, refilled our water jugs for drinking water, charged devices, & made sure we found our flashlights. All the typical preparations.

In bed the night before we were hit, I was drifting to sleep when I felt an urgency in my heart suddenly to fill our bathtub with water. I grumbled through my longing to just slip off to sleep, but when I prayed about it, the urgency pushed all the more, so I got up to fill it up, even though it hadn’t been used because of drain issues… so it wasn’t exactly perfectly clean, but I filled it. Then, I texted my husband who was in his office (because, again, I wanted to just crawl back in bed & sleep) to ask if we should fill the other & he seemed uninterested because every other typhoon never took our water supply.

So, I prayed for protection & peace & I went to sleep.

A Day Like Any Other…

The day of the typhoon felt like any other. I noticed though right after I woke up that our water was off already—maybe precautionary shut off by the water company? We didn’t know.

We knew we may lose power overnight after it all passed, so we lowered all the air conditioner temperatures to help us get through the power outage on remaining coolness.

But other than that, the day was just like any other day off. We watched tv, played video games, enjoyed the AC, heated up food, & just prepared for the loud wind storm to begin like every other typhoon we’d been through.

In the afternoon, it was raining a lot & pretty windy, but nothing scary. And then we lost power but had the daylight to watch the storm outside.

It Felt Like Any Other Typhoon We’ve Been Through… Until It Wasn’t…

Although we had been through many storms like this… this time we didn’t have typhoon shutters on this house. And knowing how any left out lawn furniture or bicycles or anything can be lifted up and tossed, I felt a certain tension wondering if something would break a window at any moment & let the storm inside (as did happen for many friends we know).

The winds started picking up to what we felt must be the worst of it… just like most typhoons how it gets really intense before it passes completely by us. Then we heard updates that the eye was supposed to pass between 6-8pm sometime, meaning “the worst was almost over.”

Except it wasn’t. It was just getting started. The screaming winds & crashing sounds outside & rain just kept on intensifying as the sun crept down & slowly left us in blackness.

I could hear things crashing into the side of our house but couldn’t see a thing inside or outside of our house. But nothing hit any of our windows.

The reports now were saying that the eye kept reforming, prolonging the end of it all.

It was starting to become clear that this was no “regular typhoon.” This was seriously dangerous. It was intense & chaotic & deafening & our back door was bowing from the wind, letting water gush from the sides & the top & through underneath… but in our laundry room, where we had a raised step to the rest of the house & a septic backup drain in the floor.

I Just Wanted It to Stop

I hid in the hallway with a crank fan, a flashlight, & my phone because it was the only place without a window. I just squeezed my eyes shut & kept praying for protection & peace over & over because it was all I could think about for hours.

My day of video games & tv shows & fun snacks had turned into a nightmare in a matter of hours.

Then the new reports came in that the intensity may not end until midnight to 6am the next morning depending on whether the eye keeps reforming.

And, by God’s Grace, We Slept

Through it all, my husband was diligent in mopping all water toward that drain, determined not to let the flooding overtake our home, but calm.

His calmness helped center me like an anchor, God’s peace beginning to help me see that I needed to just trust Him & SLEEP.

So, we let our cat follow us in our room (he is usually not allowed because of my mild allergies) & he didn’t even hesitate as he followed us in & jumped on our bed to settle next to my feet.

And all three of us slept… by God’s grace. We slept.

A Deep Sigh of Relief… of Hope…

And when I woke up the next morning, the winds were still there but noticeably quieter, the rain was still coming down, but more like a normal summer storm… & I could see hopeful rays of sunshine in the next room.

I sighed the deepest sigh of relief as I felt hope & gratefulness begin flood my heart.

My husband had fashioned a funnel with all of our cleaning towels & rags, but the water was still about an inch deep in our laundry room, so I got to work in using our squeegee to push the rest of the water down the drain… but not after checking our windows & seeing that not a single one even had a crack… with all the loud crashing into our house I had heard overnight, nothing hit a window enough to break it. Thank. You. GOD!

And I thought the traumatic experience was over & done.

The Morning Light Shines on the Devastation

Until Jamie & I walked down our street & saw the extent of the wreckage everywhere.

All the lush tropical plants that once painted the sides of the drive up to our house with beautiful, vibrant colors were stripped completely, leaving views of abandoned houses boarded up, rusted large appliances left in yards, etc. All the jungle beauty was gone… just GONE.

And then reports of friends began pouring in. Lost homes due to severe flooding, damaged cars, lost personal items left out, missing pets. The pain everyone was feeling was heavy.

I cried a lot that day just from the weightiness of it all. Seeing so much pain everywhere around me & feeling helpless to do anything about it. It was so hard.

The Sleepless Night after the Storm

But then, the next night came. The remnants of air conditioning coolness was long gone, cold water was running low, & power/running water was out still.

I fell asleep, but woke up in the middle of the night almost feeling like a panic attack was trying tirelessly to rip me apart from the inside.

I was hot, hadn’t showered in a couple days (the night before the storm), felt sticky from the thick, humid air (even with the windows open)… pitch black house with no light even from a digital clock on the oven—I just wanted to see some LIGHT. And no fan—I was so hot & gross & sticky feeling.

I couldn’t go back to sleep. I would lay and stare into the darkness… then just sob over nothing in particular… then beg God—BEG God—for Him to just TURN THE POWER ON.

I felt swallowed up by the darkness—like it was ever closing in on me. I felt harassed & tormented by the sticky humidity discomfort. I felt heavy from all the destruction outside & friends’ homes. I just wanted cold water, fresh air, LIGHT, power on… hope.

Day 3 Since the Storm Began

Jamie got up, said goodbyes, went to work & I spent the day trapped alone in our miserably uncomfortable home, rationing the food we hadn’t bought enough of (handfuls of granola for breakfast, applesauce with peanut butter, almonds, & snacks for lunch… & a main meal once a day of a can of soup or chili).

Gas lines were 2+ hours, so we were trying to use our cars only for Jamie to go to work or for emergencies… but I was losing it. I felt so antsy & restless & endlessly uncomfortable… while also seeing my phone battery life slowly tick away… so I rebelled out of sanity-restoring necessity (mind the fact I had only gotten about 1.5 hours of sleep on top of everything else) & I sat in my car with the chair leaned back, AC blasting, & music playing… while charging my phone—the relief that was was incomparable!

What a reminder of everything I take for granted every single day that I should be praising God for every single day!

It’s Been 13 Days Since It Began

It’s been 13 days since the super typhoon began to hit us.

Our house still doesn’t have power, but God answered my prayer (begging) for rescue in an even better way. He provided a friend who got power & graciously & generously offered her guest room to us. He provided companionship & friendship through the grief, shock, & trauma I would have otherwise had to face alone while Jamie was away at work.

I get to see my cat, Cisco, every 2-3 days when I go to use that tub water to rag bath & bowl wash my hair. He’s doing fine & seems like nothing ever happened… purrs & playtime & temporary snuggles & extra treats.

Our house has full water as of yesterday (it’s been about 60% water pressure for about a week after we had to pay almost $300 post-typhoon for a plumber to fix a small broken pipe outside that was stealing all of the water pressure to inside our house). But what an encouragement that we’re now back to full water pressure!

Still no power for our house. 53.2% has been restored for residential power as of today.

I’m still using that filled bathtub to scoop out bowls of the water so I can wash off & wash my hair every few days (I don’t have the liberty to do my every other day hair wash making it now more like every 3-4 days because although we have water restored, there is a boil water notice because of the runoff from the storm flooding & the purification system still being down/can’t work effectively because of low water pressure island wide & low power). Thank You, God, for that bathtub of water! (1/3 of it remains.)

Healing Takes Time

While better days are becoming less of a rarity, trauma is funny in that it hits you in waves… remembering being huddled on the floor of a crowded hallway with piled boxes & being squished sitting on a small pillow hearing the world crash all around you while you sit in enveloping blackness… remembering the lush beauty outside just GONE… remembering rationing the food because you were no longer sure how long it would need to last… remembering my last sip of cool water before it was gone… remembering the smell of the garbage rotting from thrown out food… the bowl baths with not great water… the sticky hot overwhelming discomfort of the 24 hours+ that followed—desperate for even a drop of cool water on your tongue or a cool wet rag to pat on your neck, or just desperate to see that sun come up because the darkness was just so oppressively enveloping.

The crying, BEGGING God to just turn the power back on when we were still at our house. PLEASE!!!!

It still hits me sometimes. Sometimes something will randomly just trigger it & I feel like I get sucker punched in the gut & I just feel sobs begging to just threaten to swallow me up.

Sometimes the heaviness of it all just makes me want to crawl under the covers & run away from everything.

All the Time, God Is Good… God Is Good, All the Time

But through it all, God has been good to me.

He has held me while the world felt like it was crashing all around me.

He protected our shutterless house.

He confirmed IN OCTOBER a house purchase for us that just seemed like too much work, but we trusted His lead & went with it… & BACK THEN He knew it would be a home to protect us in a storm we didn’t even know was coming.

He lowered the CAT-5 typhoon of 180mph winds to a CAT-4 typhoon of 140mph winds just AS it hit Guam & as soon as it LEFT Guam it went back to a CAT-5. (Thank you ALL for praying for us! Got HEARD you!)

He didn’t give us power, but He sent me to a hospitable friend who did, who has fed us well, & has been a friend of comfort which has helped us all as we walk through the shock & the grief & the trauma. GOD KNEW I NEEDED THIS.

He urged me to fill the bathtub which in every other typhoon was NEVER needed & now I am able to bowl bath & keep a semblance of CLEAN.

He protected us & our home when so many people lost so much.

His Impossible Peace IN the Storms of Life–Even the Literal Ones

He gave me peace in moments when peace seemed like an impossibility.

He has been faithful to take my hand & walk me through moments where I just want to give up because it’s all too much & He has nudged me to just color & turn on worship music & just tune out the thoughts of it all that sometimes threaten to consume me… & to keep my heart set on Him… even if I feel sometimes that I have to FORCE myself to do so.

He has given me moments to laugh.

He has restored power to most of our friends & church family, relieving me from feeling heavy for their hurting.

He consistently has provided a trickle of water to my friend’s house so we could keep filling & pouring pots into our reserve for toilet-flushing.

God is so, so GOOD.

Living through a Super Typhoon

This is not what I would have chosen to go through & don’t ever wish to go through again, but living through a super typhoon has forced upon me the perspective of gratefulness for the small things in life I take for granted so easily.

Thank You, God. Thank You for everything I take for granted. Please forgive me for taking all of that so lightly, complaining about other things while neglecting to remember to still praise You for the rest. Thank You so much for protecting us & my friends & church family. Thank You for helping me even when I am not always handling the trauma well. You are such a gentle, patient, faithful Father. Thank You for providing us our home even when we doubted You. Thank You even that little Cisco cat is okay. Thank You for who You are. Thank You for everything. In Jesus’ holy, worthy name. AMEN.

Shine Hope by determining to praise God, even when it feels like your world is falling apart… God deserves it always & will carry you through the hardest of it all… And praising God will free your heart from letting despair spiral away your joy.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for almost FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Indra Bracelet (India)

This stretch bracelet hand crafted out of dusty blue resin beads and gold-plated beads create a beautiful fair-trade piece to wear alone or stacked with other bracelets. Try stacking this one with the Alabaster Tassel Bracelet, to double the impact.

The Indra Bracelet is handcrafted in a workshop in India that’s committed to fighting child marriage and helping women overcome discrimination to become financially independent.

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

The Life I Take for Granted

Growing up in middle class America, it’s hard for me to imagine a life any different than having reliable clean water, power, roof over my head, flushing toilets, soft carpets under my feet, warm air in winters & cool air in summers.

It’s easy to take all of those things for granted when you have always had them. You just assume that you always will have them. They become your comfort zone of security without even realizing it at times.

But then you lose air conditioning in your car in the middle of the hottest part of summer & you get a glimpse, just a glimpse, of what life is like for so many others on a day-to-day basis.

How spoiled I am that I don’t think it absolutely necessary to be praising God every moment for these things I so easily take for granted every day, for struggling to come up with something to be grateful for in the midst of the hardships of life–He has allowed me to have so much!

But What About That…?!

I think about the Israelites. They were SLAVES in Egypt & God came in & miraculously & awesomely displayed His glory, strength, & power (& LOVE) to rescue them out of that slavery that they cried out about so desperately for HOPE.

God came. He rescued them MIGHTILY (Exodus 6:6; book of Exodus). AND, He walked with them EVERY step, making His presence KNOWN to them very clearly & unmistakably with a pillar of fire by night & a pillar of cloud by day leading them all the way (Exodus 13:21-22). He supplied food every day. (Exodus 16) He gave them water, sometimes straight out of a rock miraculously if none was readily available where they were in the desert (Exodus 17:1-7; . He even made sure their shoes didn’t wear down & their clothes stayed intact through their seemingly endless trek through desert wilderness (Deuteronomy 29:5).

God PROVIDED.

And what did they do? They dreamed of a “better” life back in Egypt—as SLAVES.

In other words, they focused SO intently on what they DIDN’T have, that they could no longer even see, care about, or appreciate ALL they DID have.

Isn’t that me? God provides SO MUCH & all I can think of is… “but what about THAT?!” Shame on me. Shame on me. It’s so human of me, but it doesn’t make it right.

The Year of Many Withouts

This past year has been the year of many WITHOUTS.

When God asked us to uproot our lives to move back to Guam last summer, it was not an easy act of obedience for me.

Moving back to Guam meant leaving behind the best place/situation we had lived in since moving overseas. It meant being without the comfort of church family that felt truly like family, of the adventure of living in Japan (but with the comforts of an American base nearby), of healing from the hurts of my past 7 years of intense stress & isolation.

Easy pet flights no longer existed to Guam from Japan after covid. We were riding on a technicality, unsure until we arrived in Hawaii whether or not our cat’s transport would even truly be approved once we got there. We were on our way, everything riding on a CHANCE, without any assurances ahead of time to count on.

The Withouts Didn’t Stop

Then we got here & it was a seller’s market for a home & our budget couldn’t compete. We went about 3 months without a home of our own, living out of a suitcase.

Then we switched to a temporary living situation where it was covered in mold & had no hot water. So, we lived without clean air for almost 2 months & had to shower with cold water.

When we finally moved into our house, it was a flip undone, so we lived without internet for a while until the wiring was set up. We lived without an oven for about a month until we could switch the outlet. We lived without being able to wash our clothes at home for months until we could get an electrician to fix things for that to work, too. We lived without ready-to-live-in comfort & were met instead with project upon project.

And Then… A Super Typhoon Hits Us on Wednesday, May 24, 2023

And now, a typhoon has pretty much devastated our island. And we’ve been without power (A/C, lights, refrigerator, washing machine/dryer, oven, ability to charge anything, relief from heat, cool water to refresh, etc.) or running water (flushable toilets (without added water), showers, ability to wash anything, etc.) in our home. We’re without readily accessible gasoline (I waited in line for 2+ hours & now the lines are worse). We’re without a way to even leave the island. We’re without assurances of when life will resume any semblance of normalcy.

All of the lush, beautiful jungle plants are bare or stripped & tossed ways away.

They Had to Rely on God to Provide… And So Do We

And you know what? It is SO EASY to think like the Israelites.

They couldn’t go shop for what they needed because there was nowhere to go out in the wilderness. They had to rely on God to provide.

They couldn’t just go out for some food or water because they were out in the wilderness. They had to rely on God to provide.

They couldn’t protect themselves against the Egyptians who chased them down. They had to rely on God to provide.

They couldn’t rely on comforts because they had so few of them. They had to rely on God to provide.

And it’s uncomfortable. It’s hard. It’s NOT FUN.

But God does provide.

God Doesn’t Always Provide How We Want, But He Knows What We NEED–HIM

God does provide.

Maybe not with giving me the hot water I want… but in teaching me how to work around it or adjust to it. (I, who ONLY hot showered, grew to surprisingly appreciate cold showers through time that because of how refreshing it was—the initial cold jolt is uncomfortable, but then it just feels invigorating & rejuvenating.)

Maybe not in giving me a mold-free home… but in protecting me through it.

Maybe not in providing a ready-to-live-in home… but in teaching me to take stewardship of our home more to heart, seeing the sweat & tears we ourselves put into it over the years & looking back seeing all God helped us accomplish through it.

Maybe not in giving US power & running water, but in giving our friend power instead, using our lack to encourage us to go stay with her, so we could share & encourage each other through a very dark time when we would otherwise be going through the aftermath separately on our own.

God doesn’t always provide how I want Him to. And that’s a good thing.

Every decision He makes, in His all-seeing, all-knowing WISDOM is ALWAYS for our good AND His glory.

ALWAYS.

A False Security Versus Trusting God

I was blown away, after years of hearing sermons about the hardships the Israelites went through, how God led & protected, & all their endless grumbling & complaining… to learn of this little verse: “Yet the Lord says, “During the forty years that I led you through the wilderness, your clothes did not wear out, nor did the sandals on your feet.” (Deuteronomy 29:5)

I mean, they never had to worry about how to provide their family with clothes or shoes or food or water because God just PROVIDED for them. But they still grumbled CONSTANTLY. They wanted to feel the “security” of being able to “provide for themselves” aka the ILLUSION that any of it is really from themselves in the first place.

When God allows things to be taken away… He also erases the illusion that ANY of it is of ourselves rather than it all really being from HIM.

When God allows things to be taken away… He also shows you He is MORE THAN SUFFICIENT even in your greatest WITHOUTS.

Trusting God Isn’t Easy, But It Is Always Worth It

It doesn’t mean it will be easy. It doesn’t mean it will be comfortable.

But it does mean He will provide if we trust Him to handle it rather than trying to take over or just plain give up without giving Him the chance.

It may not be in the hot water, but that you HAVE water.

It may not be in the power, but in the friendship connections going without encourages.

It may not be in things working out smoothly, but in seeing that God can make anything happen regardless.

It may not be in the material comforts, but that HE IS OUR COMFORT.

God Had a Plan in a Disaster We Didn’t Even See Coming

Going through this typhoon was hard. It was really, REALLY hard.

God protected us. He led us to this house & confirmed this house for us—despite our not understanding WHY—and because we were trusting HIM over ourselves on where to live… & He knew this typhoon was coming… how bad it would be… & that this house would stand.

God PROTECTED us because we trusted HIS lead in where to live, even when it made no sense to us.

How ungrateful & unwise I am to ever question our GREAT GOD.

Praise God, From Whom All Blessings Flow!

Thank You, God, for making a way for us to come to Guam WITH CISCO when there seemed to be no way. Thank You for just plowing us through when we couldn’t have any assurances. Thank You for knowing I needed to come back here, to see how you could grow something that hurt me to something that heals me… to let me see how nothing is beyond Your reach to grow & mature. Thank You for a second chance. Thank You that You know what You’re doing & You determine to do it for my good & for Your glory, even when I protest, doubt, & complain… because You love me enough to determine to keep moving me forward to the goodness I don’t see on the other side of it. Thank You that I can trust You even when I’m not sure I know how. Thank You that You always provide for my best, even when it doesn’t always look like it to me in the moment. Thank You for protecting us & our home & Cisco & our friends in this great storm that devastated so much here. Thank You that You heard our cries to You & lessened the winds from CAT-5 180mph to CAT-4 140mph winds just as it passed over Guam & then back to CAT-5 as it left. You PROTECTED us! Thank You! Thank You for reminding me, sometimes even against my will, to PRAISE You in all of this aftermath & the trauma. Sometimes I thought I would go literally crazy in the oppressive heat & I BEGGED for the power to come back on & You didn’t do it… but You brought us to a friend who could share not only in that, but in the reprieve of living through the trauma of uncertainties & destruction in the aftermath with a friend. Thank You that You are so greatly to be praised. Thank You for pushing me to praise You so my heart could let go & fall into Your arms of rest & comfort versus tension & panic. Thank You for reminding me that You got so mad at the Israelites all those years in the wilderness NOT because they kept struggling through all the hardships, but because they complained & grumbled RATHER THAN trusting they could come to You with their struggles & trust You to help them through it. Thank You for reminding me to turn my angst, worry, hurt, stress, etc. to prayer, crying out to You as my help IN IT. Not giving up or giving in to despair, but trusting You can be my supply despite the odds or likelihood because YOU ARE GOD. Thank You. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.

Shine Hope by determining to keep crying out to God in your need, even when no relief seems even possible… & by determining to PRAISE Him even when the world looks like it is falling apart all around you. PRAISE HIM.

God Is Deserving of My Trust!

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:1-2)

“Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
    but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.” (Psalm 20:7)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to Him,
    and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

“God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way
    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
    and the mountains quake with their surging.” (Psalm 46:1-3)

“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” (Ephesians 3:20-21)

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8) (“The grass is always greener on the side you’re watering.” -author unknown) There will always be good & there will always be hard… which will you let control your thoughts?

“Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, His loved endures forever.” (Psalm 118–all of it is so good!)

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

“Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ, Who gave Himself for our sins to rescue us from the present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father, to Whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.” (Galatians 1:3-5)

Last Note on Trauma…

Living through one of Guam’s top 2 worst typhoons, despite our house surviving, really left me shell-shocked. If I am at my house & the sun is going down & I can’t find my phone, I actually feel real panic because it’s sometimes my only light source because my house has gone 6 days without power now & it’s also my only connection to family & friends when the world goes dark at night. When my battery gets low, I feel a strong need to search a power source soon. When it gets hot & humid, I get flashbacks to feeling trapped in our oven of a house with no relief because no cool water to drink or breeze or shower or anything. When my gas ticks lower, I remember that 2+ hour line & feel desperate to conserve or refill.

It is strange how much a natural disaster kicks in your fight or flight survival instincts even when things are getting safer again. It’s trauma. It logically doesn’t make any sense & yet it is.

Be patient & gracious & prayerful with people who have gone through a natural disaster. It’s no joke. Some moments I feel rays of hope shining in me & the next moment I am choking down a sob or fear just smacks me in the face because of a memory or a trigger from the actual storm or thinking about the devastating aftermath that hits me out of nowhere.

Even if they’re technically “okay” again, they may not be okay… & that is okay. Give them space to feel safe again & for the trauma to heal. Consider how economic crashes where food rations were very real then cause whole generations to be strict about not throwing out food EVER. It takes a toll on you going through something devastating like that & that’s just how it is sometimes.

Give space for healing & give grace—even if it doesn’t make any sense to you because you know they’re okay NOW—it may not make sense to them either & yet it is. Give grace & pray for healing.

It’s okay to not be okay. Cry out to God as your help & determine to praise Him no matter what.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for almost FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Block Print Tote (India)

This artisanal Block Print Tote from India is a true work of art! Using a traditional Artisanal process where blocks are carved into intricate designs, they stamped the block with pigment before applying to the fabric like a stamp. This tote features a block-printed flower, a Chrysanthemum, and is oversized, making it perfect for trips to the grocery store or local markets.

***Every purchase helps a mom in India send her children to school.***

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Understanding Isn’t a Prerequisite for Struggling

Now, before I get started this week, I want to make one thing absolutely clear: This post is NOT meant to be emailed to your child, friend, or spouse, as a way to say, “See, you just need to give it to God.”

If you are tempted to use this post to make a point to someone, you probably need to take a step back & give your heart attitude about that other person… to God. Pray for that person… pray for compassion & understanding… pray that God would work through their struggles, even if you don’t see a “reasonable cause” for them to be struggling the way that they do.

You don’t have to understand it… heck, THEY may not even understand it (*raises hand)… for them to actually BE struggling.

ALSO, if you think to yourself, “I don’t actually struggle with depression, so this post doesn’t apply to me.” Wrong again. We all have struggles where this little sin problem can lurk in undetected… so this post can be for anybody who struggles, ever… AKA anyone.

What Do You Mean?

It’s no secret around here that I struggle with depression. Now, I don’t mean that I am sad all the time or spiraling in a black hole of despair… although it can certainly & easily head that way if I am not careful & watchful & surrendered to God in it.

But, life sometimes doesn’t always come easy to me. Of course, everybody struggles & has hard days, I am not blind to that fact… but what I mean is that some days, my brain just seems to fog over & numb, where I feel checked out, like a heavy weighted blanket has been placed over me, making even physical movement sometimes feel so challenging. Simple, easy tasks become like wading/trudging through waist-deep mud.

And that’s where the despair & sad feelings can creep in if I am not careful, because I sometimes feel trapped in a body where the control center just shuts down randomly on me unexpectedly. And it’s frustrating & angsty & annoying & it makes absolutely no sense sometimes.

But we’ve talked about all that before on here. No new news there.

The Sin Problem That Lurks in Depression & Struggles

The thing I want to focus in on today is the sin problem that lurks in depression & in the midst of our struggles.

Before I talk about it, I think it would be an excellent idea if you started with my previous post: “Understanding Depression with Discernment,” (also completely applicable to ANY struggle, really… especially parts 3-5), where I break down depression into 5 parts:  cause, symptoms, consequences, Satan’s exploitation of all of the above… &, part 5: your choice/response to all of it.

And that leads us to today’s post… mainly, parts 4 & 5.

Sometimes Life Is HARD

Depression is hard. Life struggles are hard. There is NO denying that. Some days just feel like nothing seems to be able to go right & everything just seems to go wrong despite your many efforts toward the opposite.

Some days FRUSTRATE you. Some days catch you off guard like a hard slap to the face. Some days break your heart & leave you a zombie just trying to survive until you can get home & cry in your room without judgment.

Maybe it’s depression or anxiety or any other mental or chronic illness.

Maybe you find a lump. Maybe you get the results & they are the complete opposite of great. Or maybe it’s your kid or your spouse or your parents or best friend.

Maybe it’s a car accident.

Maybe it’s stress at work that seems to always be piling higher no matter how hard you work.

Maybe it’s loneliness… bitter loneliness.

Maybe it’s a little bit of all of the above.

Whatever it may be… if you’re not in it now… you’ve BEEN in it before… & you most likely will again because we live in a sin-torn world until Jesus returns.

Here Comes the Big “BUT”

And it’s not wrong to feel. It’s not wrong to hurt. It’s not even wrong to feel mad at the hardness of it all or the awfulness of whatever the circumstances may be.

But we must stay alert in our grief, in our depression, in our struggle.

Because, as I mentioned in that previous blog post I shared above, Satan is on the prowl. He is looking, SEARCHING tirelessly for situations to exploit.

He is not satisfied that we are just hurting. He wants us consumed by it.

He is not satisfied that we are just struggling. He wants us DROWNING in it.

He is not satisfied that we are tired. He wants us to give up.

Really though, he wants us to doubt God.

He wants us to give up trusting that God can do anything at all… that we can even trust God at all.

He wants us to turn our backs on God forever & bypass the GRACE, LOVE, COMFORT, PEACE, & HOPE that God has stored up for us in His presence.

And honestly… sometimes… when life is really, really, REALLY hard… & STAYS hard… it can feel REALLY EASY to listen to him. And that is where we find the big “but” when it comes to it being okay to feel the hurt… don’t let your hurts turn your hearts from GOD’s HOPE.

Where Does My Help Come From? My Help Comes from the LORD, the Maker of Heaven & Earth!

“I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:1-2)

Satan knows God is our ONLY true source of HOPE. (John 14:6)

Satan knows that God heals the brokenhearted & binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3)

Satan knows God is our Helper, Comforter, Refuge, & Strength in times of trouble. (Hebrews 13:6; John 15:26; Psalm 46:1)

Satan wants us to forget. He wants us to turn our backs on our only hope.

So, where does the sin problem lurk in depression & struggles?

… In beginning to listen to those lies from Satan because it just feels easier not to fight it anymore.

I Love Sleep

I mentioned somewhat recently that I went through a two-month sleeplessness battle.

I knew it was spiritual warfare because there was no clear, real reason for the sleeplessness. It was always something different–super random.

There I would be, drifting off to sleep, on the very brink of nodding off into dreamland & then ITCH… or DOG BARK… or HUSBAND LEG JERK… or ETC ETC ETC. It made no sense how I could be so relaxed, so at ease, so ready to drift away to sleep, but then never could… for TWO MONTHS of an hour here or a couple hours there.

It was AWFUL. (I love sleep. Anyone else?)

You’d Think I’d Learned by Now… Right?

Anyway, I mention all that because EVERY SINGLE TIME I bowed that icky, sicky, feeling grumpy & tired & already ready to just quit my day every morning so I can go back to sleep, wanting to THROW my phone at the wall for having the AUDACITY of waking me up once I finally fell asleep (an hour before it went off)… EVERY SINGLE TIME I bowed all of that to God, repenting of my terrible attitude & asking for His enoughness to somehow, SOMEHOW get me through each day & honor Him in it…

Guess what? He came through EVERY SINGLE TIME.

So, now comes the part where I tell you the happy ending, right? Where, okay, I have LEARNED my lesson! I no longer worried about no sleep from that day forward because I realized God was my ENOUGH & He would carry me through it all COME WHAT MAY!

Right? …. RIGHT?

nope.

I STILL had to repent EVERY SINGLE DAY about my bad attitude & wanting to just quit, give up, & stay GRUMPY.

Why? Because I knew full-well that God would help me… but I DIDN’T WANT TO NEED HELP EVERY SINGLE DAY.

I Don’t Want to NEED Help… & Satan Knows This… & This Feeling Can Lead to Sin

Depression? Struggles of every kind? Aren’t they the same way?

Deep down, we KNOW God WILL help… but we don’t want to NEED help.

We just want it to stop & go away & not exist anymore.

We don’t want peace IN the storm… we want the storm to GO AWAY.

Right? Am I the only one?

And that right there is the danger. That is where Satan picks & nags & tempts.

There is the sin problem that lurks in depression & troubles: the temptation to want to turn our backs on God because He is allowing the hard to STAY.

Is depression hard? YES!

Are troubles hard? YES!

But the moment we are willing to exchange hope in God for the ultimatum of the end of our troubles… that’s where the sin gets us… that’s where the spiral to despair begins if we’re not careful, watchful, & ALERT… if we’re not surrendered to God EVERY DAY in it–because He IS our hope in it.

My Biggest Idol I’m Tempted to Worship above God… Is COMFORT

I get it. I hate struggling. Comfort is my STRONGEST idol that tempts me.

I want out of the struggle. I want easy. I want EASE.

I don’t want to need to ask for help. I don’t want to NEED help.

But I will tell you something right now. Hard does not have to equal bad… it’s just hard.

And easy doesn’t always equal good, either.

When life is hard, which it WILL be on this earth, be careful, be watchful that you don’t let this sin take root in your heart… that you determine to stay surrendered to the ever-sufficient care of God… EVEN IF it STAYS hard.

Because let me tell you something… hard will stay hard with or without a surrendered heart to God for help… but it will get a WHOLE LOT HARDER without Him.

Rest in Him. Keep Coming to Him. Keep Relying on Him. Keep Recognizing Your Need of Him Every Moment, Every Day.

Rest in Him. Determine to stay surrendered to Him. Ask for His help EVERY day if you have to. Don’t spiral. Don’t let sin creep in when you’re not looking. Don’t reject God when life is at its worst. CLING to HIM.

Shine HOPE by determining to stay surrendered to the help of God, repenting for wanting to be self-sufficient versus God-dependent, & by always pointing to HIM as our source of HOPE in ALL our struggles… depression or otherwise… even if the hard never stops.

BECAUSE HE IS OUR HOPE IN ALL THINGS.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for almost FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Kids’ Pastel Bracelet Set (Uganda)

While Supplies Last! Beautiful, artisanal bracelet set perfect for the kid in your life!

This adorable Pastel Bracelet Set is ideally sized for kids 4-7 years old or those with smaller wrists. This set is designed to coordinate with our Kids’ Vibrant Bracelet Set. Handcrafted by vulnerable women in the slums of Uganda who are leading their families out of poverty, this set includes a pink bracelet and an aqua bracelet made from hand-rolled paper beads and accented with gold glass beads. Each bracelet is totally unique to the woman who made it!

***Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in Uganda.***

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

BLEH

I don’t want to write today. My hip is hurting & no matter which chair I try–nothing feels good sitting down.

I’m also feeling a complete mind blank. I keep trying to start typing & then my mind just goes NOPE.

Plus, the numbing & physical ANGST I am experiencing from not immediately just running to addictive coping mechanisms is a STRUGGLE. No one ever said re-routing to better help would be easy, but I know it will be 100% worth it to find my rest in Him versus a constant marathon of trying to outrun my depression symptoms for the rest of my life.

And every morning lately is a struggle. I think I’m just not sleeping soundly, or not getting enough sleep. And while I AM sleeping lately (thank You, God, for SLEEP!), I still feel like I wake up every morning groggy & squeezing my eyes shut in an “ALREADY?!” type of frustrated, defeated cry from my heart, wishing my alarm clock was lying & I still had a couple hours left to squeeze out more sleep.

The Good, the Bad, & the UGLY

And right now, lounging on the couch, trying very uncomfortably to type this way (cue aching wrists soon) because my hip hurts ANY way I sit down… well, I just want to sigh & say, “Well, I tried” & close my computer screen & be DONE.

Why write today? What’s the point? How can I encourage & build up anyone up with this kind of attitude? And pain? When I care more about quitting?

And I get it. You may be thinking, “off days happen, Michelle. Cut yourself some slack, we understand.” And if you thought that, I THANK you for having that kind of grace.

But God has made it clear when I started this blog journey that He desired for me to show up on the good AND off days.

Consistent But NOT Fake? How?

You know what one of my delay reasons was before I launched my website? I didn’t want to be fake. And if I wasn’t going to be fake, how could I be consistent? The two seemed to contradict each other.

It’s sort of like working in customer service when you do anything ministry related. You feel this PRESSURE to always be ON for everyone… & if not, to fake it… to plaster on a big smile & say, “everything is great!” even on days when you feel anything but.

Part of it is pride &/or fear: “they may question my faith if I don’t show up with a smile & a ready answer to okay away my struggle.”

Part of it is maybe pressure to represent God well: “I don’t want them to think God isn’t enough!”

Be ready with a smile. Always. No matter what. That’s the feeling sometimes.

Pastors & their wives no doubt often get this pressure more than most anyone else. Pray for them & be kind & supportive where you can! It can be lonely (I have many friends who are pastors/pastor’s wives).

As Always, Pray

So, if God impresses upon me to be consistent, but also be authentic… the two seemed to clash significantly. How can I do both well? Lord knows my attitude isn’t always great… that I have to surrender my mornings an embarrassing amount of times in order to even BEGIN to feel ready to honor Him versus begrudging my entire day simply for keeping me away from more sleep.

And so, I literally began asking Him that very question as He was leading my heart about this website launch over 5 years ago. “God, I get it… I feel like You want me to do this. But how? You know my awful attitude some days. My depression symptoms? My fleshly pull to do what I want more some days? How in the world can I do this blog, be consistent, AND not become this smiley, always “ON” fake? That alone would depress me, feeling like I have to be a fake to everyone in order to keep it up EACH week. But if I’m real, some days I just don’t care or don’t feel like it AT ALL. How do I have both??? No, I wouldn’t make it. I would have to quit because it would be too much pressure… no one can be “on” 24/7 & not begin to struggle internally A LOT. What do You want from me? How do I do it? Please show me.”

It’s Not About Me Anyway!

His answer quite frankly caught me off guard. That it’s not about me showing up & proving I have it all together because “Christians are a step above the rest” (we’re not… we’re just human like everyone else) “because we have Jesus” (as if that means we never make mistakes or choose wrongly… it doesn’t).

No.

That it’s about showing up, no matter what state my heart is in that day, even if I’m a wretched, self-absorbed, self-centered grump… or even if I’m a weak, vulnerable, “falling apart at the seams” blob… to point to HIM in it ALL as MY HOPE.

To echo: “I am NOT PERFECT, but HE IS!”

To echo: “I SIN, but HE DOES NOT!”

To echo: “I am HUMAN, but HE IS GOD!”

To echo: “I am WEAK, but HE IS STRONG!”

To echo: “I am NOT worthy of praise or attention or glory, but HE IS WORTHY!”

Basically… it’s not about me anyway!

He Compels Me… He Leads Me… & He Works through Me WHEN I am WILLING to Submit My Insufficiencies & Failures for His All-Sufficiency & GLORY!

And so, even on UGLY days, when I would really rather just quit… Or hide my weakling self… Or cover up my less-than-attractive qualities… I will shout them from the rooftops. I will be real about it. I will show up even on my worst days when all I honestly want to do is complain & quit… & I will forever point to HIM as my only HOPE… as YOUR only hope.

That I NEED Him… EVERY day!

Guys, I am not deserving of any praise from you. Do you know how often I want to choose ME?

But, GOD.

He compels me. He leads me. He is sufficient for me.

And He is for you, too.

Despite & through Your Faults… NEVER to Excuse Them

I’m not saying all of this to be like, “Be YOU,” as if to excuse your bad attitudes or mine… those need to be repented of, to ask forgiveness of God for them… surrendered to Him.

But that even in your not great moments when you make the WRONG choice… sometimes ON PURPOSE… that you take ownership of that mistake, repent of it, & don’t hide it as if that somehow makes God look “better.”

No, show the world. Show the world your very real NEED of Him… of His daily GRACE.

Show the world that you’re not strong, that you choose wrongly sometimes… but that His grace is there to greet you the MOMENT you come to Him in humble repentance.

Show the world that you are NOT enough… but that HE IS.

Be real. Be honest. Be a display that no matter how WRETCHED we are found to be in our sin… no matter how WEAK we are in our flesh… GOD IS STRONG… GOD IS GRACE… GOD IS LOVE!

Don’t wait until you’re perfect to serve Him & to seek His glory. Because you never will be. You’re not Jesus.

Shine for Him on the Ugly Days, Too

Shine for Him on the ugly days, too. Bow the imperfections & bad attitudes to Him & ask Him to help you see how YOU can give Him glory JUST WHERE YOU ARE.

Because, to be honest… the reason we exist… is to GIVE GOD GLORY.

So, do that. Right where you are… even when you’re FAR less than perfect… like me today.

Shine HOPE by letting Him have your ALL—Even the bad parts. And by using those bad parts as opportunities to shine God’s GRACE, POWER, & LOVE to a world that needs Him so desperately much!

Shine HOPE.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for almost FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

“Walter” the Bunny (Vietnam)

LIMITED EDITION – while supplies last! Cuddly, soft, and lovable, Walter the Bunny is charming, mini, fair-trade fun with his handsome blue bowtie and carrot accessory. Each bunny comes with an adorable carrot that is not attached to the bunny making it perfect for creative play! Artisans in Vietnam hand crochet each bunny with soft cotton-blend yarn and neutral gray, black, and blue colors that make this stuffed animal the perfect gift for any occasion or decor. Each huggable bunny is hand stuffed by visually impaired women in areas of extreme poverty.

Have you met Walter’s best friend, Mabel the Bunny? They make quite the pair! Every purchase of Walter or Mabel the Bunny provides fair-trade jobs for local women and villagers who are overcoming disabilities, homelessness, and extreme poverty in Vietnam.

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Who Is Really Behind It? Be on Alert!

I take things personally too often. It’s one of my not great qualities. Honestly, that’s why I had to pray so much leading up to even taking the first steps with creating & publishing this website.

Even if it’s a simple misunderstanding with another person, I tend to take it as my character &/or integrity being questioned & it hurts my feelings.

I know people make mistakes. I know I make mistakes… but I still feel the sting when someone misunderstands me in some way.

But then, deep down, if I take time to surrender the hurt to God, God reminds me that my true wrestling match is not with the other person (Ephesians 6:12), but with Satan aiming to sow discord among us.

The Cunning Snake

You see, Satan is a cunning snake. He has had MANY years to learn how humans tick… to know how to create divisions, disagreements, & discord. He knows where to strike.

It’s something I always try to keep in mind & repeatedly try to remind others when meeting with young ladies for discipleship/accountability. Because if you have a relationship with someone that honors & glorifies God, encouraging & edifying one other toward the gospel & good works… you can be SURE that Satan will be QUICK to do WHATEVER he can to break that up… ASAP.

So, if you feel a pull from insecurity, shame, annoyance, frustration, or anything not PEACE-laden pulling you away from someone, you can be sure Satan is doing what he can to keep you both from glorifying God together…. Another reason why he attacks marriages & ministries so often!

And yet, even knowing this… I still fall for it sometimes.

Disagreements, Grumpies, & Hurt Feelings

It can start as small as a disagreement about something, seeing something differently than someone else… or maybe a misunderstanding… & if left unchecked, begins to erode away the potentially God-honoring, blessed connection you may have with someome, until you feel so stiff, tense, &/or insecure around them that you maybe start making new routes in your life to avoid interacting with them.

Sometimes it’s a grumpy mood, “that time of the month,” waking up “on the wrong side of the bed,” or just a good ol’ tough day… & it gets misinterpreted or maybe taken out on someone else… or the grump on your face gets seen as an afront against someone else & now you’re in a feud with someone you didn’t even realize you had offended.

Or maybe you DO realize because your day was SO bad & your mood was left unchecked for TOO long & the cramps are UGH & you just let a curt word come out of your mouth when responding (or rather, REACTING) to someone else. Oops.

It doesn’t take much. Satan is QUICK to jump in there with leading conclusions & jabbing at your insecurities & stabbing at your vulnerabilities until now you’re fuming & “well, I didn’t realize they were SUCH A JERK! Forget them!”

Yeah, it happens.

Be Aware So You Can Pray

But, we need to be aware of this because we need to know to pray about this.

We need to know the signs, the dangers, the manipulations that Satan uses on our weak spots, emotions, & insecurities.

And we need to know to PRAY.

Satan wants grudges, God wants grace.

Satan wants rifts, God wants restoration.

Satan wants division, God wants unity & peace.

Learn to take your gut reaction to God… to forgive you for your gut reaction if it does not honor or would not please Him… for help laying the offense at His feet… & for wisdom on a path toward restoration, through grace, for reconciled unity & peace with that person.

A Prayer of Surrender in the Hurt of the Moment

“God, OOOHH that was not cool! I feel so frustrated & tense & I just want to REACT! But… God help me, please help me. Help me to take a deep breath. Help me place this on Your strong shoulders. Help me let go. Maybe they’re having a bad day. Maybe they’re just grumpy & I’m making more of it. Maybe they really are MAD at me. I don’t know & it shouldn’t matter! Help me lay that on You. Give me Your peace. Don’t let me fall prey to Satan’s twisting, manipulative divisiveness. Help me give it to YOU. Help me to LOVE even when I don’t feel loved back. Help me to SERVE those who seem to dislike me, knowing they don’t have to even like me for me to do the right thing. Help me to honor YOU with how I respond. HELP me do that. My gut response is pettiness, anger, frustration, avoidance… but You command GRACE as You have given me such grace. Grace, by definition, is undeserved—so even if they meant to be mean to me, help me to have the surrender-to-YOU attitude to let You handle it & to help me give grace. Help me love like You love, not reviling or threatening in return (1 Peter 2:21-24). But, love. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

Don’t Let Satan Sow Discord Among You

Maybe they really are just having a bad day & it really has NOTHING to do with you.

Maybe they MEANT IT & wanted to hurt you.

Regardless… LOVE.

Regardless… GRACE.

Regardless… Honor God with your RESPONSE (even if you have to bite your lip HARD, take a DEEP breath, & PRAY for help desperately).

If you have a prayer partner, an accountability partner, are in discipleship with someone… EXPECT THIS TO HAPPEN & PRAY AGAINST IT & for discernment to see it!

It Hurts, I Know…

You don’t have to be respected to be respectful.

You don’t have to be liked to love.

You don’t have to be admired to do what’s right.

You don’t have to be well-treated to be kind.

Despite their choice… YOU have a choice.

Honor God. Lean on God. Let God help you.

To God be the Glory Forever and Ever!

Don’t let Satan sow discord among you, because Lord knows HE WILL TRY.

Shine HOPE by praying for the discernment to recognize Satan’s crafty schemes & the submissive heart to come to God for help with a response that honors Him versus letting Satan control the narrative through your natural human response.

Choose to honor God ALWAYS, even when it doesn’t feel so great in that exact moment.

God will bless you for your obedience.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for almost FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Silver Remi Necklace (India)

This classic silver-tone beaded necklace from India is an everyday wardrobe essential. Wear it alone or layer it with other necklaces! Customize your length with the adjustable extension chain on the back featuring an easy-clasp closure.

***Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages in areas of extreme poverty where vulnerable women are often exploited by sweatshops.***

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

We All Need the Reminder Sometimes

I have talked a few times about this topic of praise, here & there… but today, I just wanted to sit in it for a moment. I want a chance to really let it sink in & settle in our hearts… mine included.

I’m a complainer… a whiner. When things get hard, I look for a way out. It is not natural for me to “be still & know that He is God,” as the verse so rightly encourages & guides. (Psalm 46:10)

Even if I push through & try not to let it change how I interact with others, it’s easy for me to see an existing problem that will not go away, & just want to throw my head back in frustration & yell, “GO AWAY ALREADY!”

I get overwhelmed & unsettled & I don’t like it.

And sometimes, when I feel frustrated & overwhelmed & I cry out to God for help, the response comes like a gentle breeze over my heart, “Praise Me.”

And When Hurts Are Heavy…

Sometimes it’s something that hurt me deeply, either a traumatic circumstance or betrayal of someone close to me, & I just feel despair begin to settle on me like a heavy, cumbersome blanket, pushing me down under its weight.

Crawling in bed, pulling the comforter up to my chin, curling up on my side, just wanting to shut out the whole world.

And sometimes, in these burdensome moments when the hurt closes in around me & I can only manage choking out a silent sob, I stop to pray to God for rescue & refuge, & the response comes like a gentle breeze over my heart, “Praise Me.”

And When God Leads Me Where I Do Not Want to Go…

Or when God asks something of me that I DO NOT WANT… like when He first revealed His guiding us back to Guam.

I felt stubborn & angry & hurt & afraid. It became a wrestling match between me & God. I knew He would win (that He SHOULD win), that He is never wrong, that He always had a plan… but I didn’t want it. I was afraid.

And His reminder, that felt so annoying to my defiant heart, was the response that came like a gentle breeze over my heart, “Praise Me.”

And When Depression Symptoms Threaten to Envelop Me…

My depression symptoms, too. Oh, how they can beat me up sometimes.

It’s true that I’m in a weird transition of recognizing how I have made my coping mechanisms my idols, turning to them IN PLACE OF God’s peace… so I am cutting myself off of them, my idols, forcing myself to try trusting ONLY in God with NO substitutes… & you may think, “if you need them, you need them, Michelle. If they help, use them,” but it’s beyond that. I have become DEPENDENT on them, ADDICTED to them, & once I indulge, the consuming weight shifts from the symptoms to an inability to pull away from the coping mechanisms.

And some days, I feel strong & able, seeing God guide me in His PEACE… a freedom.

But other days, I just want it to be easy & I just want to run away to what feels easy, to what I know… to STUFF every hint of the angst it brings. And I feel overcome & afraid of losing to the symptoms.

And even still, when I run instead to my prayer journal to hash out my angst in desperate prayers of repentance & admission to God of my fear (aka my lack of trust in Him), asking for His help, the response comes like a gentle breeze over my heart, “Praise Me.”

He Is Worthy. He Is Sufficient. He Cares for Me.

Praise Him. Give Him thanks. Worship Him… the echoed reminders to my heart in times of trouble.

Sometimes it feels insensitive. Would you feel that way? Like God is just dismissing your hurt, fear, angst, etc.? But at the heart of it, if you take prayerful time to look deeper, you begin to see the wisdom behind this gentle nudge to Praise Him in ALL circumstances.

In some seasons, life can seem overwhelmingly painful. Like you are being dragged down to the ground & you can’t ever get up again. Sometimes it’s scary & uncertain & everything just seems to be exploding all around you in chaos & pain & you may really feel that if you fall, you may never be able to get back up again.

But Praise Him.

Why? Because it takes our eyes off the mess & redirects them to HIM.

Cultivating a Heart of Praise-A Vital Necessity in Life

Cultivating a heart of praise is a VITAL necessity in life–to bow our hurting, heavy hearts under His strong, mighty, capable hand.

Saying, “God, this is HARD, but You, You’re Enough! You are mighty. You are strong. You are ABLE! I can rely on You. I can trust You. You have a plan & You can carry me through any valley or ANY storm! You are worthy to be praised, come what may, no matter what! You are sufficient as my refuge & my strength in ANY time of trouble. You are GOD!”

God isn’t being insensitive when He nudges your heart to praise Him when it’s hard… it’s His reminder to you to take a moment to put your hope NOT in how YOU can handle the given situation or circumstance, but in HIM.

Let Your Heart Choose to Praise Him in ALL Circumstances

“God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
Therefore, we will not fear,
Even though the earth be removed,
And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
Though its waters roar and be troubled,
Though the mountains shake with its swelling. Selah” (Psalm 46:1-3)

“IN the multitude of my anxieties, Your comforts delight my soul.” (Psalm 94:19; emphasis added)

“My grace is sufficient, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

“Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:6-7)

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

“God will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6)

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

“I will call on the Lord, who is worthy to be praised…” (2 Samuel 22:4; Psalm 18:3; Psalm 145:3)

Remember…

God hasn’t abandoned me in those HARD moments, He is beckoning me to lay that HARD at His feet for help & to lift Him up in my heart so I may remember WHO He is… WHO loves me… & WHO is able!

He doesn’t promise life will never be hard. We live in a sin-torn, broken world, in NEED OF JESUS… but He does promise to be with us in it & through it… & to be our sufficiency. (Read about why we need JESUS, here: “The Gospel Changes Everything” & “Why the Gospel Is Such a Big Deal.”)

PRAISE HIM! Not just for the promise of eternity with Him, but now, in the hurting.

He is worthy.

Lean into Him. Put your weight on Him. Lift Him up in your heart.

PRAISE HIM for He is worthy to be praised!

Shine HOPE by DETERMINING to PRAISE Him in ALL circumstances… & so also find the hope you’re so desperately needing in your darkest moments–in HIM.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for almost FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Citrus Wood Body Butter (USA)

Every purchase of this Citrus Wood Body Butter empowers women survivors of human trafficking, addiction, and abuse in Nashville, U.S.A.

This Citrus Wood Body Butter is designed to glide on for a refreshingly airy application to provide less bulk and more hydration. Enjoy the refreshing cedar and citrus scent this blend provides.

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!